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Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum.
What might be right for you may not be right to some.
He's a man of me.
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They got nothing but the genes. But they got different strokes to take.
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Well, why don't we move over there and have a little dessert and coffee, Bill?
Don't mind if I do, Phil.
You've got a great little cook there. Oh, did you enjoy dinner?
No, but you've got a great little cook there.
Actually, dinner was terrific. I just hope you weren't trying to influence the
labor negotiations with that steak, Diane.
Oh, Philip would never try to influence a contract with food. He'd use cash.
I just thought it might be nice to get a break from the negotiating table and
enjoy a more civilized environment.
I agree, Phil.
And you did find my weak spot, Amarada Cookies. Well, help yourself.
We're so glad you came, Bill. Philip tells me that talks tend to get a little
heated down at the factory.
Only because somebody around here doesn't seem to have an open mind.
Oh, my mind is open.
Yes, but the only thing that ever comes out of it is no.
Well, I have to say no because you always come in a little heavy with your
demands.
Shows you what you know.
You live in this ivory tower.
This isn't an ivory tower, right, dear?
You're totally out of touch with your employees' needs.
You hear that, Maggie?
You're way off base, Bill.
Well, if I'm way off base, you're not even in the ballpark.
Save it for the bargaining table, Bill. Mr.
Perkins to you.
And I can hardly wait.
Fine with me, Perkins.
And from now on, the gloves are off.
For later on, they'll go great with my sleepy time tea.
How do you like that guy?
I'm out of touch with my workers.
I pay them better than a living wage. I give them top -notch benefits. I send
them a Christmas card at least once a year.
Well, you know what I mean.
See, what those guys don't understand is that if my company doesn't make a
profit, they won't have any jobs to worry about.
Right, Maggie?
Maggie?
Maggie, don't tell me that you agree with him.
Cookie?
I can't believe this.
Hello. Hi, boys.
How was the movie?
It was great.
It was the scariest thing I've seen since Willis donated his head to that
college.
Sam.
Come on, Sam. There aren't any gremlins in here.
You sure?
Yeah, come on in, Sam. It's safe.
I can't understand why people stand in line for so many hours to get scared out
of their pants.
Well, I certainly wouldn't know. I live in an ivory tower. Phillip, don't you
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Hey, sounds like Rhett and Scarlett are going to go at it. Let's grab a front
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Great. I should have got my popcorn, Joe.
Right, we're not fighting.
Well, we'll go upstairs while you not fight.
Good night. Good night, boys.
Good night. Have a good sleep.
Sweet dreams. Brush your teeth.
See you in the morning.
Philip, you're acting terribly defensive, which leads me to believe
not so sure you are right. I am not defensive.
I don't believe you understand what those people on the line go through.
Oh, and you do.
Yes, I do.
I come from working people. My father still works a 14 -hour day, and I think
know how they feel. I bet you don't even know what a loaf of bread costs these
days.
Maybe not, but I can find out.
I rest my case.
If you were out there in the workforce, you'd know what a loaf of bread costs,
and eggs, and milk, and meat.
Look, I can't help it if I was born wealthy.
Would you be happier if I was out there working in a factory?
You, you spent your life sitting behind a desk.
Are you suggesting that I couldn't handle it?
I am not suggesting anything.
No, but your eyes are flashing. Cream pop, cream pop, cream pop.
Well, I'm going to prove to you that this cream is made of some pretty tough
puffs.
I'm going to make a few phone calls and then I'm going to go to work in one of
my factories.
My heart, be still. You're serious.
Philip.
think you're wonderful.
What? I am?
You am.
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.
Oh, no problem.
You know, I love it when you get feisty.
Well, you're in luck. I'm full of feist.
Now, let's kiss and make up.
That's one rule to live by. Never go to bed angry.
Agreed.
Kelly, you know what?
I never slept with a hard hat before.
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Do you really think Mr. D will go through with this?
I don't know. I just can't picture Dad working in a factory.
He'd look pretty silly driving a forklift in a three -piece suit.
The Tom Sully of the assembly line.
I think you look real neat, Mr. D. I can't wait till I'm old enough to grow a
mustache overnight.
You look almost perfect, but you don't look lived in. Rumpel him up, boy. Okay,
I'll take it.
All right, hey, got it. There you go.
Now, now you look just great. Everything except those Gucci loafers.
I packed your lunch.
Here you go, Butch.
Thanks, Pearl.
Hey, what is this?
Bologna. It's kind of like a flat hot dog.
I haven't seen a bologna sandwich since I was a boy.
I can't believe you ever ate bologna.
I didn't. I just saw it once.
Well, I think I'm all set.
Hopefully, no one will be able to distinguish me from the rest of the
You talk like that and they will.
Yeah, Dad, loosen up.
You got to talk regular.
Oh, I see. You mean like Roger Mudd.
No, Dad, listen.
When you meet one of the guys, you don't say hello.
You say, hey, and give him a shot in the arm.
Hey!
And instead of goodbye, you're supposed to say, don't do nothing.
Okay, I'll see you. All right.
Oh, and that's one more thing, Philip.
I've noticed that they have their own way of talking to women, especially when
go by a construction site.
What do you mean?
Well, basically, it goes something like this.
Oh, you must be the new guy.
Right. David, Joe McClane, everybody just calls me Mac.
Pete Tucker.
Everybody just call you Tuck?
No.
Now you're going to be working with me, okay, Mac?
I'm going to show you how this machine works.
Now, you see this hunk of metal?
You feed it into the machine. What do you call that, Pete?
A hunk of metal.
Right. What are we making here, Pete?
Who knows?
When we get a big bin full of them, they wheel them to another room.
Someone feeds them into a different contraction, eventually they become a
whatchamacallit.
Okay, I guess I better get to work for you. Right. Now just remember one thing.
Feet, lever, lever, pull.
Spin.
Okay? Right. Go ahead.
You got it.
Boy, I can't wait for that coffee break.
Had a rough night last night.
to my cousin's house for a birthday party and the guy won too many brewskis.
I know the feeling. I had too much sherry last night.
in the cup, Mac.
Oh, hey, I don't have anything smaller than a 20.
Maybe I should put it in my diner's trump card.
What a zany guy you are.
like your first day on a job.
Okay, it's really boring.
I'm strange about you, Mac.
Yeah, you walk strange, wear funny shoes, and sound like Roger Mudd.
I'm not strange.
Listen, I'm just a regular guy.
Hey, watch this.
Who the devil are you?
Who are you?
I'm the foreman. The foreman.
It's your turn.
I'm the new guy.
It's my first day.
Well, you keep that up and it could be your last. Yes, sir. Ma 'am, a
foreperson.
Hey, Dad, you're really starting to sound like a factory worker.
You're really starting to smell like one, too.
All right, Sam, what do you say?
Hello, Mr. Drummond.
Chilled and shaken, not stirred, just the way you and James Bond like it.
you.
Perfect.
So, Dad, tell me about your day.
It was marvelous.
You know, a few more days like this and I will really have a good understanding
of how the average working man lives.
Not exactly, Philip. I mean, wait till payday. You don't have to use that
factory paycheck to feed five hungry mouths.
Yeah, but Dad's got it worse.
He's got to feed Arnold.
Maggie, I know that we're comfortable.
Comfortable?
Johnny Carson's ex -wives are comfortable. We are stinking rich.
Well, maybe so.
But as a factory worker, I know how to live on low pay. I was in the army.
That's right. Dad's rough. He can take it.
In fact, his whole family can take it. Then maybe we ought to try it.
Fine with me.
Of course, if we're going to do it, we have to do it for real. Things might get
a little rough.
Big deal. No matter how rough things got.
We could stick it out. You are right. Tell him, Arnold.
Nothing's going to stop us. We're tough.
We're bad.
We're mean.
And we're gutsy.
Okay, we're going to do it.
We're going to cut back on food, allowances, movies.
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BET. Not oatmeal again.
What about bacon and eggs? We can't have that. It's not in our budget, and we
have to learn to stretch our dollars.
Well, if we can't have bacon and eggs, can't we at least have a picture of a
and a chicken?
Good morning.
Sam, why aren't you dressed for school?
I am.
Arnold told me I was supposed to look broke.
You are not wearing your play clothes to school.
We are not poor.
We are living like working people.
That's why I sent Pearl on vacation.
Well, why would you do that?
She's the only working person around here.
Pipe down.
Now, how are you doing on your new allowances?
I'm doing great. I got a system.
I use today's lunch money for tomorrow's comics. I use tomorrow's milk money for
Friday's video games. And Friday's subway money automatically goes to
Spielberg.
You're really smart, Arnold.
Yeah, but what about next week?
I'm hoping Dad and Maggie will come to the Spitzers by then.
Here he comes, the man who brings home the bacon.
Press a stick to your ribs, big guy.
Ah, oatmeal. Well, I got to run.
What about breakfast?
No, I'll just grab something from the canteen truck.
I got to be moving.
Dad, macho.
Oh, yeah.
Thanks, Willis.
Hey, guys, you know what I just heard through the grapevine? Who was that? Our
fearless leader, Mr. Drummond, didn't show up at the negotiations last night.
Sure. He was probably at the opera with all his hoity -toity friends.
Oh, hey, I'll bet he worked hard just like everybody else.
I'll bet he just went home exhausted and went right to sleep.
Hey, what are you, his buddy?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. The guy's a joker.
Yeah, it's a shame, too.
When old man Drummond was around, he really cared.
He'd walk through the plant, listen to us, knew everybody on a first -name
basis. He called me Petey.
for me dimples.
Sometimes things get too big for that.
Hey, I got too big. I still care.
Hey, let's initiate the professor.
Just try
to hit him in one of his chins.
There's three levels.
Five, ten, and twenty points.
No, all right. I'll take a shot at it.
How many Drummonds does it take to screw
an iPhone?
How many?
None! He's got a maid that does it.
What's wrong, Professor?
Lose your sense of humor?
Oh, yeah, right.
Here's one. Why don't they let Drummonds swim in the Hudson River?
He'd leave a ring.
Leave a ring.
Oh, here's a funnier one. How many drummers does it take to clean out a
How many?
Oh, did I say drummer? I meant elephant.
Ah, throwing darts at the hand that feeds you.
We tried to stop him, Miss McGee.
Really?
Why is everyone standing around not working?
Oh, wait a minute, guys. Now, look, we're not just standing around.
Now, I've been here almost a week, and there are a lot of problems down here.
Now, I'd like to make a suggestion to you which would help productivity and
improve morale.
Ah, you're going to quit.
No. No, see, the guys and I have been talking.
Actually, I think you should hear me out.
I'd be delighted to hear what you have to say.
Why don't we just step into my office?
Anybody else got any suggestions?
Guys? Hey, guys.
Hi, guys.
Hi, Dad.
Hello. What are you doing home so early? Are you feeling all right? Oh, yeah,
I'm fine.
How was your day, dear?
It was good.
I had a nice, long meeting with the foreman, offered all kinds of innovative
suggestions to increase productivity and improve morale, and got fired.
Fired?
Hallelujah, we can eat again.
Philip, I'm so sorry. No, don't be. I'm not upset.
You're not?
No, not really.
I found out some things, some things I really needed to know. And one thing I'm
going to do is talk to all of my employees and tell them that Drummond
Enterprises wants to hear employees' ideas.
That's terrific.
Who knows more about a factory than they do? Right, and one of the guys had a
great idea for changing jobs every hour to combat boredom.
Hey, Dad, that's a fantastic idea.
Whose was it? Petey. He's one of my guys.
I hope you children have learned something from this also.
I sure did.
Don't ever do cheeky, cheeky baby to your den mother.
Well, I realize we're pretty lucky to be able to live the way we do.
We definitely are.
Does that mean you're going to spring for some real milk again?
Absolutely. Say, why don't you guys get the table set for dinner?
All right.
Come on, and I'll draw a knife.
Hot bath for my working man. Sounds great.
Hey, cheeky baby!
Now
the
world don't move to the beat of just one drum.
What might be right for you may not be right for some.
A man is born, he's a man of ease. Then along come two, they got nothing
but the genes.
And they got different scrolls to take, different scrolls to take, different
scrolls.
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