Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum.

What might be right for you may not be right for some.

A man is born. He's a man of need.

Then along come two.

They got nothing but their genes, but they got different strokes to take,

different strokes to take, different strokes to move the world.

killing that song?

The way I sing, I am killing it.

All aboard.

Arnold, do you have to blow that whistle? I'm trying to steady.

Oh, no, I don't have to blow it.

Arnold,

one more toot out of you and your mouth is going to be a tunnel for that train.

brother. You're supposed to love me.

Okay.

I'm sorry, but I'm just trying to study.

Hey, how about getting a quieter toy to play with, okay?

Okay. Thanks.

Ah, let me hear now what I want to play with. Ah!

on your shorts.

And that also goes for the little dummy who's working your mouth.

Get it?

Got it.

Don't say a word.

Uh, Willis, may I watch TV with the earplug? That won't bother you.

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Tomorrow at 10 .30.

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What now?

No one does like Drew. I don't care where you started up at, because I'm

to finish it wherever.

Ashley L. did back him into a corner. He had every right to lash out at her. She

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Oh, hi, Willis. Oh, hi, Prue. Mind if I sit in here while you're making dinner?

Not at all.

maybe it's better i go study in the other room oh i'll be quieter willis i

promise i won't use a chainsaw to carve the duck

Dad, do you mind? I'm trying to study.

Oh, sorry about that, Willis. I just want to catch this tennis match.

I'll turn it down. Thanks.

Oh, man, what is the use?

Dad, I got a big test coming up next Saturday, and I haven't got a place to

study.

What's the matter with your room?

The matter is, I share with a pint -sized demolition derby.

I can't study with Arnold around.

Well, just tell him he has to be quiet.

Dad, it doesn't do any good.

I'll have a talk with Arnold about it, okay? Dad, that's not going to do any

good. I need my own room.

Come on, Kimberly has her own. Now, Willis, nothing is more important to me

for you and Kimberly to get good SAT scores.

Look, would it help if I gave you my room to use? Till this is over, I'll go

a hotel.

Thanks, Dad.

Boy, that was fast.

That's okay, Dad. Just forget I brought the whole thing up.

Maybe I'll move up to the roof. You know, if I don't pass the test, I can

Wait a minute, Willis.

I don't know what I'm thinking of.

I don't need to go to a hotel room. I can bunk in with Arnold. It's only for a

week. I don't mind.

Honest? Honest. It'll be fun.

Oh, thanks, Dad.

I really appreciate this.

No problem.

Well, I better go and tell my new roommate about it.

Talk about the odd couple.

All aboard!

All aboard!

Next stop, Flushing Meadows.

You'll know when we get there because you hear all the flushing.

Hey, you got a minute, Casey Jones?

Sure, Dad.

Come here. What's up?

Well, you know, Willis has to study very hard for this test he's got coming up

Saturday. And he said he can't fit in here because I make too much noise,

Well, don't you agree that he does need some privacy?

Well, I need privacy, too, Dad. You think I like him listening in when I'm

the phone with some cute little mama?

I am pouring my heart out, and he's back there doing this.

Well, I appreciate your problem.

However, it's Willis' problem that is more important at this moment.

and I think I have a temporary solution.

Oh, what's that?

Well, I'll give Willis the use of my room, and I'll bunk in here with you.

Can I play with the train as much as I want and blow the whistle? Sure.

Can I watch TV with Herman?

Anytime. Can I have more closet space?

All you want.

Dad, is there any possibility of keeping Willis in that room for good?

Have we got a deal then, Arnold?

Yep.

Okay. Boy, Dad, what did he say? He said yes.

We're all set, Willis. Oh, good.

Except for one thing.

What's that?

Next time Arnold is on the phone talking to some cute mama, don't do this.

You do that better than I do, Dad.

Thank you.

Thanks, Dad. Thanks, Arnold.

Okay.

Well, Arnold, looks like we're roommates.

Yep. Welcome to the bunkhouse, partner.

Happy to join up, partner.

I guess I'll be moseying along.

Hey, this is going to work out fine for me.

Nice firm mattress.

Hold it right there, partner.

Something wrong?

Yeah. Uh, Dad, how long have I been in this room?

How long?

Well, since you were six.

And how long have you been in this room?

Including tonight, one night.

Right. Who does that give seniority to?

I guess to you.

Right. You sleep up there.

What you talking about, Arnold?

Dad, it's only fair.

I've climbed up that dumb ladder for five miserable years.

You could do it for a few piddling nights.

I do pay the rent around here.

You pulling rank?

Well, no.

You too old to climb up the ladder?

Certainly not.

Then you sleep up there.

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are you doing, Arnold?

I'm taking one of the bigger drawers for myself.

That's supposed to be for Daddy's things.

Kimberly, we're talking drawer space.

This is a dog -eat -dog world.

Well, I've got to get back to my studying. I'll see you later. All right.

Oh, careful, Kimberly.

You don't want to get in the way when I work up ahead of scene.

I've got a bigger boiler than you do.

I brought some of your dad's stuff.

Oh.

Oh, that's his aftershave cologne.

Hump number three?

Ooh, that's strong stuff.

I sure wouldn't use it at a moose crossing.

What's that?

Nothing.

Oh, come on.

Well, it's kind of personal to your dad.

Then how come you know about it?

When I put his laundry back in his drawer, I couldn't help but notice it.

Pearl, you could tell me.

Well, he uses this on his head.

On his head?

It's an electric cat.

What does he do?

Plug it in to recharge his brain?

No, silly.

He puts it on his head. See, like this.

And it helps the scalp absorb this stuff. It's supposed to grow hair.

Really?

Listen, Arnold, let's not mention to your dad that we know about his hair

grower. Yeah, especially since it doesn't work.

But that doesn't keep him from hoping. You know, as we get older, we all have

our beauty secrets.

Things get a lot harder to lift or flatten or move around.

Would you tell me some of your beauty secrets, Pearl, please?

Sorry, Arnold. I'm going to take my secrets to my grave or my honeymoon,

whichever comes first.

Well, I would tell you some of my beauty secrets, except I don't have any.

What you see is what you get.

But Will has had some beauty secrets.

Really? Yeah.

He doesn't think I know, but sometimes at night before he goes to bed, he puts

tapes on his ears to hold them back so they won't stick out.

And then he rolls over when he's sleeping, and the tape comes off and

upper lip to his nose like this.

Should I be hearing this, Arnold?

Sure. I've been dying to tell somebody.

I'm going to finish, Pearl.

Keeps the hair healthy.

Then what do you do? Put on your electric cap?

How did you know about that?

Word gets around.

Let's not phone it into the National Enquirer, okay?

Oh, Dad, don't be embarrassed.

I understand why a guy your age would want to keep his hair. So the ladies

have something to run their fingers through.

Did you brush your teeth?

Yep. Well, that's very important, you know. I never miss brushing mine.

See how they sparkle?

May I ask you something personal?

Sure, go ahead.

Do you brush yours in your mouth, or do you have to take them out?

They are still all mine, Arnold.

I'll let you know if there's any change.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You haven't said your prayers.

Oh, sure, right.

You do say them every night, don't you?

Well, I try to. If I miss one night, I pad it the next.

Well, let's say them together like we used to.

Okay, kneel down.

Anything special you'd like to pray for?

Arnold, you're not supposed to pray just because you want something. You should

give thanks for what you already have.

I usually do, but tonight I thought I'd make it a half -and -half prayer.

Half -and -half?

I let God know what I'm already thankful for, and then I let you know what I'd

like to be thankful for in the future.

I see. Well, tonight, let's just bless everybody and leave requests for Santa

Claus.

You know, you're not much fun to pray with.

Well, next time I'll wear a funny hat.

Okay, let's go.

This will be a short one, God.

Bless Dad, Kimberly, Willis, and Pearl, and lay a little on me. That's it. More

later. Good night.

I gather you're going to do a lot of padding tomorrow night.

Okay, in you get.

All right.

Cover up.

All right. Okay.

Good night, Arnold.

Good night, Dad.

Arnold, do you have a nightlight?

No, I don't use it anymore.

I'm too old for it.

Awfully dark in here.

It's just that I don't know my way around in this room in the dark.

I mean, what if it was an emergency, you know?

Yeah, I know.

Good night, Arnold.

Good night, Dad.

Kind of high up here.

You'll get used to it.

No problem.

sun out in the morning, otherwise I'd be up with the chickens.

Well, you'd sure scare the eggs out of them.

Well, what was it you wanted to ask me?

Oh, I just wanted to tell you it's fun having you as a roomie. Yeah, just one

laugh after another.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Arnold.

So can you study better in Dad's room, Willis? Oh, yes.

Terrific.

Quiet. No one around.

a beautiful desk, a big nightlight.

I'm going to do great in that SAT.

Did you try that relaxer chair of his that vibrates? Oh, yeah, it's the

greatest. I'll say.

Sometimes when I go in to clean his room, I go in and sit in it for a few

minutes.

Makes you feel good, doesn't it? All over. And that covers a lot of

Hi, everybody.

Hey, Arnold.

How'd it go with the new roommate?

Okay.

upstairs putting this guck on his hair to make it grow.

Arnold!

Come on, Pearl. You said not to mention it to Dad, but you didn't say anything

about Willis and Kimberly.

What else, Arnold?

And then he puts on this electric cap and plugs it into a wall socket.

If there's ever a short circuit, he's gonna electrocute his follicles.

I'm sorry, you're just getting warmed up.

Dad goes to the bathroom during the night more times than I do. No!

Nothing's sacred.

Keep going, Arnold.

Dad has this little scissor that he uses to trim his eyebrows.

Then he looks in the mirror like this.

And trims the hairs in his nose.

I love it. I love it.

Dad has this black mask that he sleeps with.

It's like bunking with the Lone Ranger.

Oh, shh. Here I come.

Lightened up in the night.

It's going to be all right. It's no big deal. I think I'll go and get the

heating pad.

I hope you have a better night tonight, Daddy.

I'm sure I will.

I'm going to sleep in a mountain climber's harness.

I offered him the bottom bunk so he wouldn't have so far to fall.

But he wouldn't take it.

Arnold, Daddy's really in pain. It's nothing to joke about.

Who's joking?

Dad tossed and turned all night.

Then he got up and walked across the room to go into the closet because there

was no nightlight.

Walking across that room for Dad is like going through a minefield.

I didn't realize it was that bad.

I better give him his room back.

Oh, well, if you know he's not going to take it, he's not about to admit that

bunking with Arnold's killing him. I think a little heat will be fine. Oh,

sure it will. Just ease yourself down there.

I'll plug it in for you, Mr. Drummond. Thank you, Pearl.

Listen, Dad, how about taking your room back?

No, no, no, no, no way, Willis. Where would you start it for your college

entrance test?

Oh, I'm perfectly comfortable where I am, thank you.

Dad, it's really not doing me any good anyway.

I got a solution to the whole problem.

Dad, you take your room back.

Willis, you take our room.

Are you going, Arnold, to the midnight mission?

No, I'll move in with Dad in his room.

Hey, that's a good idea. Yeah.

I got a big king -size bed to sleep in, Arnold. Right. And I'm sure you'll be

comfortable in your vibrating chair.

We'll have to discuss that one, little roomie.

Whatever you say, big roomie.

Oh, Dad!

Thank you.

Thank you.