Original subtitles

Sure, he's got it. Here's some more of my stuff.

We'll deal with Marco later, but what are you doing with a gun, man? You know

don't mess around with guns, Larry. Remember what happened to my brother?

Hey, I found it, okay?

So I figured I'd keep it, you know, just in case.

What are you, crazy?

Eh.

I am.

Hey, Jackson, look, this is all a little misunderstanding.

Oh, come on, Dad. Give him a break, huh? I am.

I should be calling the police.

Police? Yeah.

Dad!

Dad! You're alive!

What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in school.

He was so worried about you, he came looking for you. I thought you'd be

in the bushes all riddled with bullets and splattered with blood.

Did they use brass knuckles or rubber hoses?

Arnold, I'm fine. You sound disappointed.

Well, as long as I've cut school, can we go to the zoo?

Arnold.

On second thought, why don't I just get my butt back to school?

to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you?

May not be right for many, but it's a better beat than a long

call to.

They got nothing but the gene, but they got different strokes to take, different

strokes to make, different strokes to do the work, and it's not big.

Different strokes to do the work.

Just one drum What might be right for you May not be right for some A man just

born He's a man of needs Then along come two They got nothing but the genes But

they got Two brisk rogues to take Two brisk rogues to take

Oh, come on, Pearl. Give me a break.

Arch, why do I have to clean out my closet? It's in perfect shape.

That doesn't cut it. You're going to have to clean out that closet if it

all day.

Oh, but Pearl, if you keep me inside all day, I won't get enough exercise and

fresh air, and I'll get weak and have to walk on a cane and wear support holes.

Would you do that to a little kid?

Uh -huh.

Man, what a bummer. A man's closet is supposed to be his castle.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Ooh, fiddly -dee, Mr. Red.

Arnold, what are you doing in that closet?

Willis, what are you doing in that mustache?

Well, this mustache is going to get me into the domino club tonight.

What are they having, freak night?

Hey, Willis, can Charlene and I come in?

Entree, girls.

Hi, Willis.

What is that thing falling around under your nose?

What are you up to, Willis? Well, my favorite group, Pickety Witch, just

happened to be playing at the Domino Club tonight.

Oh, I get it, and you have to be 18 to get in.

Don't you think this adds a few years?

No, but it adds a few laughs.

My buddy Art and I are going. You girls want to come?

Boy, I sure like him. Yeah, I love that group.

Looks like you're going to need a couple more mustaches.

But, Willis, we can't get in. They check IDs.

No problem.

Get a load of this, music lover.

Willis, where did you get this fake ID?

From Art.

Let me see that.

Rinaldo Guerrera.

Well, you got to take what's available.

It was either Rinaldo Guerrera or Lars Lundqvist.

You're really smart, Willis. You could wind up with a record.

That's how it starts.

Little things at first. A fake mustache, a phony ID.

That's how James Cagney got started.

You dug your ass.

Okay, kids, I'm off to my meeting.

Willis, Willis, are you all right? Oh, I'm fine, Dad.

I just got something caught in my throat.

I hope you didn't swallow it.

Well, listen, my meeting is going to run kind of late, so I won't be home for

dinner tonight. Okay, Daddy, don't work too hard. Okay. Bye. Come on, Charlene.

Have a nice evening, Mr. Drummond.

And that doesn't apply to you, Willis.

It suddenly got kind of chilly in here, didn't it?

You know Charlene, Dad. She's moody.

Yeah. One day she hates him, and the next day she can't stand him.

Pickety Witch, the Domino Club. What's this, Willis?

Oh, just some new group that the kids are really thrilled about, Dad. Have you

seen them?

Oh, no, I'd love to, but you can't get in. You have to be 18.

Well, you'll be 18 soon enough.

Before you know it.

This is great.

Hottest group in town. The front row seats.

I can't believe it. They didn't even check our IDs.

Wow. Here comes our waitress. I think I'm in love.

Hi, I'm Monique, and I'll be your waitress this evening. May I see some

please?

Yeah.

Here.

Ronaldo Guerrero?

I see.

Hey, baby.

If you're ready to take our orders now, I'll take two of you to go.

Are you really 20?

Well, I, um... You just seem older, more mature.

Mature?

That's me.

Especially compared to some of the guys who come in here.

Yeah, I know the type.

May I take your order? I'll have a diet soda.

Me too.

Diet soda?

I'm in training. See, the coach at Columbia University where I'm currently

enrolled wants me sober and skinny.

Me too.

That's why they call me the lean machine.

Don't go away.

I won't. I won't.

You know, I think she goes for your act.

Me? So why don't you ask her out, hot shot?

Well, I can do that.

What about what's her name?

Charlene? Yeah, her.

Some girlfriend. She wouldn't even come with you tonight.

No, she was worried about her age.

My point exactamundo.

Charlene is just a girl, but Monique is a woman.

You got a point there.

Here you go, guys.

Go ahead, ask her.

That'll be $4. For two diet drinks?

Of course, what a bargain.

So, uh, what sports do you play at Columbia?

Where?

Oh, Columbia.

Um, some of them. Um, most of them are baseball.

Ronaldo, you have a certain unspoiled charm.

You really think so?

I really do.

What about me?

I'll try not to hurt you.

You know what I like about you even more? Tell me.

Well, I appreciate the fact that you haven't come on to me the way some other

guys do.

It just occurred to me.

You probably get the night off once in a while, don't you?

Uh -huh.

Well, would you ever consider dating an athlete who's currently enrolled at

Columbia University?

Oh, I think I'd like that.

How's tomorrow night look?

Tomorrow night?

It's great. It's my night off.

I better go back to work.

See?

This is a night I'm never going to forget.

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That old guy with the foxy chick?

Sure likes him young.

He sure does.

Another round of drinks?

Sorry, but I gotta get out of here. Why?

That's my coach back there.

That's your coach? He sure likes him young.

No, Nicky, if he catches me breaking training, I'm off the team. Bye.

Wait. We have a date. Remember? Call me.

Come on, Art. No way.

Is your coach not mine?

I came to see the show.

My Steve.

You know something?

You seem to be a little uncomfortable tonight.

I'll bet I know what it is.

You're right.

A man my age can only hold his stomach in for so long.

Don't try to joke your way out of it. You're in great shape.

But I...

I get the feeling you think you're too old to be out with someone my age.

Well, there is a little age difference.

One of us is 24 and one of us isn't.

Come on.

I know it's all right and you know it's all right, but for some strange reason I

couldn't even tell my kids.

Really? I'm surprised.

You have a very young and hip outlook.

After all, you knew about the group playing here tonight, didn't you?

Well, I try to stay in touch.

Dad and a young girl?

I swear.

She couldn't have been more than 24 years old.

24? I thought you said she was young.

Well, actually, I can understand why she'd like to go out with Daddy.

It's very exciting to be with someone who's older.

Don't say anything, Pearl, but last night, Dad went out with a younger

My, my, my.

I know still waters run deep, but who'd have thought your father would shoot the

rapids?

It didn't have something to do with sex.

Good morning, everybody.

Good morning, Dad.

How was your business meeting last night? Good.

Very good. Better than I expected.

Coffee, Mr. Drummond? Oh, no thanks. I'll just have orange juice.

I gotta get to the health club and have a workout.

Mustn't overdo those workouts.

By the way, Pearl, I won't be home for dinner tonight. I have another business

meeting. On Saturday night?

Oh, I don't mind. I love my work.

We know.

Well, I gotta run. Gotta stay in shape.

You make me feel so young.

Oh, Pearl, I won't be home tonight for dinner either. I'm going to a slumber

party. Excuse me, guys.

You know, I just had a thought, Pearl.

I'd hate for you to go through all the trouble cooking such a big meal just for

Arlo and me.

I wouldn't.

No, I mean, I got a big algebra test.

I can just fix the sandwich.

Hey, why don't you two make a night if you can go out? I mean, grab a couple of

hot dogs and see a movie.

Now you're talking.

What do you say, Pearl?

How can I refuse a night on the town with a younger man?

Come on, Arnold, help me clear.

Gee, I'm glad you called.

Listen, Monique, instead of spending the night running around in smoky old

nightclubs, how would you like to spend a nice quiet evening in a Park Avenue

penthouse? Whose penthouse?

Mine. I mean my roommate's. The address is 697 Park Avenue, Penthouse A.

I'll order a pizza and the night is ours.

Seven o 'clock comfortable?

It's me fine.

You're actually going to see this Monique behind Charlene's back.

Well, do you know a safer way to do it?

Listen, Armin, you don't understand.

Charlene is a child.

Monique is a woman.

And you are a two -timer.

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Willis, if Charlene finds out about this Monique, you'll wish your name really

was Rinaldo and you lived in Puerto Rico.

Well, she's not going to find out. I told her I had a killer algebra test,

I wasn't even going to take time out to eat.

You're going to die young, Willis.

Come in, Pearl.

Oh, Arnold, please don't shoot me, but I can't take you to a movie tonight.

Oh, no.

I just called my mother, and she doesn't feel well, so I have to go over there

and take care of her.

Ah, that's okay.

I understand.

Sorry. But I'll fix you boys a nice dinner and leave it for you.

Thanks, Pearl.

Well, lover boy.

Call off your date? No, I got a better idea.

I'm going to lock you in this room.

What you talking about, Willis?

It smells like medicine.

Somebody sick?

Um, the plant had to take some special food.

But it smells like it's on you.

Well, the plant won't take its medicine unless I take some first.

Oh, Ronaldo.

Say, this is a really beautiful apartment.

It's not much, but it's a roof over your head.

You look very handsome tonight.

You look fantastic.

How about a drink?

Uh, no, but how about the music? Oh, yeah, music. That's always nice.

You know, you can tell a lot about a man from his record collection.

You've got a lot of new wave here.

Mattel, Devo, Sophie Tucker.

Sophie Tucker?

She's old wave.

Probably belongs to my father's roommate.

My roommate's father.

Touch dance.

Isn't this better?

Oh, yeah.

Better.

You know, I don't know what it is about you, Ronaldo, but I like it.

If you like it, it's yours.

I wonder who that can be. Someone with bad timing.

It's probably the pizza guy.

I better go fix my lipstick.

I better fix mine, too.

Oh, it's right in there.

Hi.

Charlene.

Willis, why are you still wearing that stupid mustache?

Well, um, it, um, I had to keep it on because I got a lot of compliments.

I thought I'd grow real. underneath it.

Charlene, what are you doing here?

Well, I felt sorry for you, so I brought you some dinner and I'm going to help

you study. Math is my best subject.

Come with me.

Why?

Because, um, Arnold is sick and he shouldn't be left alone.

Oh, I thought I smelled medicine in here.

Oh, dummy, I told you you shot the wrong guy.

Ms. Charlene, oh, Wait here. Earl might be sleeping in the nude.

Okay, Earl, tie for bed.

Hey, what are you doing?

Charlene just showed up and I told her you were sick.

I'm not sick.

Well, you better start acting sick or you're going to be sick.

can see you now.

Oh, you poor thing. What's wrong?

Oh, it's nothing. It'll go away.

Oh, well, I'm sure it will.

On second thought, this could become very serious.

Well, you look all right and you don't feel well.

I will in a minute.

From the Domino Club.

I was your cocktail waitress.

Did I forget to leave a tip?

No, no, I have a date with Rinaldo.

Rinaldo?

Yes, and if you're here to check up on him, Coach, don't worry, I promise I

won't keep him up late.

Coach, why does everybody keep calling me that?

I'm sorry, I don't know your name.

Where is this Rinaldo right now?

He's probably out in the kitchen with the pizza.

I think I'll give him a hand.

Monique! Monique!

Monique, you've got to get out of here.

Oh, I was afraid of that. Is it because your coach is here?

What coach?

Your coach, the one that was at the club.

He's here now, my coach?

Yes, he is.

Uh -oh.

What are you doing?

What's going on here?

Yeah, I'd like to know that, too. I think my thing was getting worse.

Who, may I ask, are you?

I'm his date.

Who are you?

Well, I'm his girl.

At least I was his girl. His girl?

How old are you?

Sixteen going on twelve.

Oh!

Monique, I can explain.

Sixteen?

You little devil, you had me fooled.

Aren't you even mad?

I'll handle the mad part.

I'll help you.

Well, I, uh, think it's time for me to leave. So, uh, good night, everybody.

Good night.

Good luck, Willis.

And, uh, why don't you give me a call in about four years?

And, Willis, don't bother calling me at all. Oh, shut up. Let me explain.

Just give me a chance.

If you stop, I'll let me talk to you. Oh, you couldn't have come at a better

time here.

I was just so flattered to have someone in their 20s interested in me.

I understand that feeling.

That little anchovy.

I don't understand you, Willis. A fake ID?

By the way, hand me that.

I don't think you know how serious this is.

What you did was very dumb.

Remember, Dad, you're dealing with the Duke of Dome.

All I wanted to use it for, Dad, was to listen to that new wave group.

I didn't buy a drink or anything.

It doesn't matter. Just carrying it is a punishable crime.

I've already been punished.

Monique knows I'm 16, and Charlene knows I'm a jerk.

And I knew both of those things a long time ago.

I better go call Charlene. At least she can't throw pizza over the phone. Yeah.

So, Dad.

Now that we're alone, can you tell me about that foxy young chick you've been

seeing?

What foxy young chick?

Willa saw you at the club.

Oh, that foxy young chick.

I'll tell you about her when you're older, Arnold.

Nothing but the cheese, but they got different scrolls. Different scrolls.