Original subtitles

Everybody.

Oh, what a day. Do I look like I have a sign around me that says sucker?

No, but if you need it, I still got one from high school.

What's wrong, John?

Oh, I was standing in line for four hours trying to get tickets to the

concert next week. And just as I reached the ticket window, they shut me out.

How do you like that?

I let some sweet little old lady in line in front of me. Yeah, real sweet.

She got the last of the tickets. And then she has the gall to try to sell me

of them for 300 bucks.

Can you believe that? I was had by some little old lady.

That's what I hate about young guys. They always have to talk about it

afterwards.

I'm telling you, it's so infuriating.

It's Pavarotti's only concert this year in New York, and now I can't get to go

because some scalper got my ticket.

I've had a scalper 20 bucks for tickets to a Yankee game once.

The seat was behind a pole, way out in right field.

People walking by, spilling beer on me. I got peanuts in my hair, ice cream down

my back. It was the worst night of my life.

Ralph, why don't you just stay home and watch the game on television?

It's not the same.

Hey, everybody.

Hi. Whoa, Red.

Look at that outfit.

That is...

Perfection, if I may.

You know what would set that off perfectly?

A little accessory, just something nice to dangle around that cute little waist

of yours.

Like what?

Like me.

Not in your wildest dreams.

Hey, Red, in my wildest dreams, you're taking a number.

Dear John is filmed before a studio audience.

All right, everybody, what say we start the meeting? And again, John, we're all

very sorry to hear about your disappointment in not being able to

for the Pavarotti concert.

I knew I felt the same anguish when I couldn't see the Nutcracker.

What a...

given to see Baryshnikov up close in time.

But now looking back on it, I suppose grandmother's funeral was more

Well, does anyone else have something they'd like to share?

Yeah, Louise, I do, actually.

Well, a couple of weeks back, John,

my pal here, made me a small loan.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And when he did that, I know the words that went through his mind were

poor risk, chiseling, welcher,

deadbeat.

A little strong, but okay.

Well, I'm here tonight, John, to erase all those ugly thoughts from your mind.

How?

By paying you back the $20 I owe you.

Well, thanks, Kurt. Wait, let me finish.

Right after we leave here, I am going to take you, you knucklehead, down to the

Café Au Monde. John, order anything you want.

It is on the kit.

Lucky you, John.

Well, Kurt, I can't believe this offer.

What's the catch?

The catch? Yeah, the catch.

I wanted to take you to dinner, John.

It's called a gesture of friendship.

But obviously I'm not worthy of being your friend. You're embarrassed to be

with me in public, so let's just forget it. That's all I have to say.

I'll go to dinner with you.

You mean it? Yeah, I mean it.

Yes!

John, we are going to have the time of our lives. Well, not really. I wouldn't

have any problem entertaining two beautiful women by myself. I get it. I

What? What? Oh, you're not inviting me to dinner. The only reason you are

inviting me to dinner is to make it a foursome. You, me, your date, and her

parole officer.

There you go dwelling on the past again.

John, listen.

All you do, you show up.

You have one drink, you check out the ladies. You don't like the playing

you're out of there. No harm, no foul.

Go to dinner with him, John.

It could be fun.

Yeah. Maybe he'll choke on a chicken bone.

Oh, come on, John, please.

One drink. That's all?

And if I don't like the date you set me up with? I don't believe I'm saying

this. You are free to leave.

Okay, you all heard him, right?

Okay, all right, I'll go with you.

And I'm going to trust you, Kirk, not go back on your word. I'm going to trust

you. John, I am honored to hear you say that because we all know friendship

means nothing if it is not built on trust. Trust, right, trust.

Now give me the $20 you owe me.

Oh, yeah.

You get the other half when you show up at the restaurant.

So after I got my MBA, I moved up in the company and...

Next thing I knew, I was executive vice president.

Boy, you must love your job.

I do.

The only downside is all the travel. I have to fly into New York every couple

weeks for meetings.

Well, I'm glad you made this meeting.

I've had a great time.

You're not only intelligent and beautiful, boy, you are a sensational

Well, thanks.

You're not such a bad dancer yourself.

Oh, come on. I'm not that good.

I'll be darned.

that good.

Have a good time, sweet cheeks?

Indescribable.

I really ought to think about getting back to my hotel.

Alexis and I have an early flight tomorrow back to Chicago. Hey, come on.

evening's young. Let me give you some tips on running a company like yours,

okay? First, you take all the clocks off the wall.

If people work late, it's not your fault.

My favorite poet.

That's a tough one.

I guess I'd have to say Byron.

She walks in beauty like the night.

Of cloudless climes and starry skies.

And all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her thighs.

Eyes.

I knew what she meant.

I'm glad.

And then in 1973, I bought myself a blue

double -breasted jacket. Now, the lapels were wider then, so it was a little

different feel for me.

Kurt, you're dancing alone.

And loving it.

Hey, John, what do you think? What do I think? Listen, about Alexis, I gotta

tell you, knowing you...

I thought you'd set me up with some shallow, bimbo airhead. I did the best I

could. Stop complaining.

No, Alexis is one of the most exciting women I've ever met.

How in the world did you ever meet her?

John, it's like asking Mother Teresa how she meets poor people.

There be none of beauty's daughters with a magic like thee.

Byron.

stanzas from music. Oh, God, you're so good.

Thank you.

Hey, sweetheart, how about thee and me taking another shot at pulverizing the

parquet? No.

Thank you, Kirk.

My feet are in excruciating pain.

I think they're bleeding.

I really should think about getting back to the hotel.

I'll call us a cab.

It's only 43 blocks I'll walk.

Is she considerate or what? Trying to save me cab fare?

So,

where were we?

Discussing Byron. Oh, yes.

Please don't think this forward of me, but...

Would you like to go someplace with me and have a nightcap?

I'd like that.

Wait. I know this quaint little romantic place down in the village.

It's quiet, but Byron -esque.

Well, I know a quaint little romantic place, too.

My hotel room.

It's not Byron -esque, but it is close.

I'll take close up of Byron -esque any day.

Hello, gorgeous.

Sorry I got a rush.

I got an early flight.

You're leaving already?

Yeah, but you got the room till 11, so call room service. Order some breakfast.

Treat yourself to a bubble bath.

By the way, you were very good last night.

Oh, and what's this?

Oh, as if you didn't know.

Tiger.

I gotta run, but I'll call next time I'm in town.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, too John.

since 8 o 'clock.

I've been in the shower.

All morning? I have never felt so dirty in all my life.

I've taken 10 showers and still I feel like dirt.

I didn't shave because I'm afraid to look at myself in the mirror.

Uh -oh. Sounds like someone skipped his Captain Crunch.

It's true.

You idiot. Where did you find those women? What are you jumping all over me

Where did you find those women? I didn't...

agency did.

Agency?

What the hell are you talking about?

Um, well, if you must know, um, I got these

buddies who are professional escorts, right?

And, um, last night, you and me sort of filled in for them.

women for money.

You slept with Alexis?

John, that's a big no -no with the agency.

And for money, that's an even bigger no -no with the vice squad.

Wait a minute. Are you telling me that your date didn't pay you to sleep with

her? Hey, John, don't drag me into the gutter with you, okay?

Oh, my God. I've sunk even lower than you.

Boy, oh boy, this is how it starts.

820s in an envelope.

Pretty soon you're going to be cruising the mall with the top two buttons of

your shirt on. Oh, get out of here.

I can see it all now. Red light above your door. You're hanging out the

showing off your facts.

As a friend, now that you've turned pro,

Get it while you can, John, because you get old fast.

Well,

it was about 1943.

I was singing in a little roadside inn in Hoboken, New Jersey, when Frank

Sinatra tried to break down the door to my dressing room.

Mrs. Philbert, what did you do?

Well, what could I do?

I got the key, unlocked the door, and let him out.

Hi.

Nice night, isn't it? Oh, never mind the small talk. How was your double date

last week with Kirk? Yes, we're dying to hear.

Oh, nothing special. It was dull, boring.

Very uneventful.

You wouldn't be interested.

Oh, boy, look, new chalk.

Hey, John, how's tricks?

Now, listen.

Just knock it off with the tricks, you understand? Just knock it off, you hear

me? Guess who called the escort service and asked for you tonight?

Guess who is at the hotel ready to play another round of bouncing for bucks?

Yes, yes, all right.

I don't want to see that woman.

I don't want to see that woman ever again for the rest of my life. You

understand? And if you tell the group what happened, I'm going to wring your

neck. Gee, you party boys sure have a temper.

Now, listen to me.

That's not funny.

Just because a woman pays you for sex doesn't make you a whore.

Nothing. It's just something between Kirk and me.

Uh, does this by any chance have something to do with that double date

went on? Yes. Was there any, uh... No.

And I don't want to discuss it.

And neither does Kirk.

John's right.

I'd be completely out of line if I let it slip that John brought a woman back

a hotel, slept with her, and she paid him 160 smackers.

I'm sorry, John. I couldn't help it. Here's my neck. Ring away, babe. It was

worth it.

Let me see if I've got this straight.

A woman gave you money for sleeping with her?

Yes.

Let me put it another way.

You got money from a woman for sleeping with her?

Yes.

Okay, maybe I didn't make myself clear. Oh, will you stop?

Yes, it's true.

Meet John Lacey.

Teacher by day, hooker by night.

You people really don't understand what I was going through.

I thought there was something real happening between this lady Alexis and

Something spontaneous.

Something magical.

She made me feel special.

And she had to go and ruin it all by treating me like an object.

Taking away my self -respect.

I think we owe John an apology.

We shouldn't have laughed. It was awful what that woman did.

You want me to talk to her, John?

Maybe I could get you another 50.

Well, thanks, Kirk. You've done enough.

Yeah, you want to do something?

Call the escort service and have them tell her I'll meet her at the hotel.

Yeah. You want to know what this idiot did?

He lied to me.

He made me believe that I was on a blind date when I was really a paid escort.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go and see if I can get my self -respect

back.

Come on.

You should be ashamed of yourself, involving John in a...

situation like that.

Here, here.

You shouldn't have done that. You said you were his friend. Okay, okay, I was

wrong.

I'm not proud of what I did.

I should have nailed the horny one and given him the broad with the cleaning

body.

I'm afraid you'd be booked.

Booked? Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

Well, it's just that the best ones usually are.

Let's go, John. We're going to be late. We're not going anywhere.

Oh, I love that animal energy.

Save it for later.

There's not going to be any later.

Oh, no.

You got a double header?

Now, look.

There's not going to be any games tonight. I'm not in a playing mood.

John, are you upset about something? Yes, you're damn right I'm upset.

We went out last week and we had a great time.

We had a nice dinner.

We really hit it off.

Then we came back here and we made love.

And it was great.

Like thunder and lightning.

Yeah, we had some great chemistry going.

Yeah, exactly.

Then why did you have to go and spoil it by giving me money?

John, I think you're getting a little emotionally involved in your work.

Maybe you should think about getting out of the business.

I'm not in the business for crying out loud. I thought I was on a blind date.

I'm an English teacher.

What? That's right, I'm an English teacher.

You don't believe me? Here.

Call Drake Prep.

Ask for Headmaster Hendricks. The number is 249... Bad idea.

You're telling the truth, aren't you?

You really are... an English teacher.

No, I know all about Byron because I'm a male hooker. Of course I'm an English

teacher.

Oh, my God.

This is so embarrassing.

No wonder you felt compromised.

Oh, John, why don't you let me make it up to you?

I've got the greatest evening plan for us.

Don't you understand anything?

There's no way in the world I'm going to go out with you again.

Ever.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Yeah.

Good night.

Damn.

Now I'm going to have to get another escort for the Pavarotti concert.

Next, it's the season premiere of Hunter, and he's mad about his new part.