Original subtitles

Thank you.

to get your stropolis, is there?

Oh, yes.

Oh, God, here we go again.

As a matter of fact, I have merely been out with a few of the fellows.

We were talking business.

Yes, I can imagine what sort of business. I can smell you from here.

I suppose you didn't remember today was our wedding anniversary.

Why do you think I went out and got drunk?

Yes,

you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Oh, stop rabbiting.

Give us me pyjamas.

You can have... and you're not sleeping with me, you drunken... Blah!

Oh, blimey. She's murdering him, I hope.

Don't you... Don't you worry, mate. I shall be sleeping with you.

I'm having these for a start.

Thank you to mind your own business.

You've got to get out of here. And you can get out. No, you're not sleeping

me. Don't worry.

Don't you worry.

I shall be coming back here.

God! Be childish, will you, Arthur?

Get back in and get some sleep, will you? Every night I have this, I haven't

a week of sleep.

Don't tell me, mate. Tell that precious sister of yours.

Look, be reasonable.

No, it's not another one.

Yesterday's carried on.

Hey, Norman, how much longer are you going to be?

I'm doing my best, mate. You keep your eye out for Blakey, for God's sake. I

don't worry about Blakey. He's not due until the next shift. He won't be here

for ages yet.

That's what you think, mate.

Yeah, but Butler, eh? He's late again, isn't he?

I caught him, didn't I?

Oh, yeah, Blakey, you're too clever for us, then. We can't fool you, mate.

Oh, I'm glad you realise it at last, you know.

Now, when he comes in, you can get that bus out as soon as you like, the pair of

you, right?

Right. And mind where you're dripping that paint. It's a new uniform I've got

here.

Thanks.

Now, what's going on here, eh? It's just a scratch.

Scratch? Yeah.

Oh, good. Oh, no, don't tell me.

How did it happen? Well, it was last night, actually. This mini -skirted bird

ran across the road in front of the bus and stan at the follower up the kerb and

hit the town hall. It wasn't our fault, though. Oh, no, no, no. I suppose your

bus was parked there and the town hall took off and ran into you, did it? Yeah,

exactly. Quick.

Hang on a minute.

There's a row of bollards in front of the tunnel.

Uh, yeah, there was.

You run over one of them bollards, mate, and rip the sump out of the bus.

Sump's a complete riot, I'm afraid, Jack.

I'll fit in another one.

Right, love.

Oh, oh, good. Oh, I'll have him for this.

Oh.

Jerry, if you come and report straight to me as soon as he comes in, will you?

And keep that oily thing away from me, will you? And mind where you're dripping

that paint.

Watch where you're putting that thing. Something gave a nasty action, didn't

Listen.

I'll have it for this. He'll help

me up.

What's he doing with all that paint on him? Get up.

I'll have it for this.

You've not only smashed up a bus, you've ruined a brand new uniform.

You must be about the clumsiest driver that's ever been in this stepboat, you

know that?

Oh, come off it, Blaggy. Blimey, you weren't so up when you were a driver

yourself. When I was a driver? What are you talking about? That was about 10 or

11 years ago.

I had a good record when I was a driver, mate, I'll tell you that.

You never known of me bashing a bus up?

You never bashed a bus up? Oh, yes, you did, mate.

Eh? When?

I'll tell you when. It was Jack's first day at the demo. You remember, Jack?

That's right, yeah. Listen, I was your conductor at the time.

Oh, what an idiot left that thing there.

Hey,

Cyril, mate!

Look at this step you've done here, boy.

Are you going to tell the manager about it? Not me, mate, no.

I won't be a driver next week.

I'll leave it. I'll be an inspector then. Yeah, yeah.

Here, hang about a minute.

I'll be the driver next week. I'm taking over your bus. Yeah, well, you report

it then, mate.

No, blimey, that's not fair.

No, it ain't, mate. I'll tell you the best bit about it. What?

You know you'll have to report it too, don't you? Who?

Me. I'll be laughing then, won't I? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I'll make you pay for it.

You'll be lucky, mate. You'll be lucky, I tell you.

Hey, you know we've got one of them new trainee conductors on with us this

afternoon, don't you? Oh, not another one. Look, I'm a conductor, mate, not a

bloomin' nurse, mate. Hello, sir and mate. All ready for take -off, are we?

blimey, that's a small bus, isn't it?

Yeah.

Stand back there, Jack Harbour.

How do, mate?

What's the situation round here? Plenty of willing birds, are there? Well,

there's plenty of birds, but none of them are willing. Oh, we'll soon find

Just as soon as I change my digs.

They're chucking you out, are they? Oh, no, still all, mate. You see, my

landlady won't let me take birds up my room, so I might as well leave. I'm

there.

Here, I tell you what. I've got a room round our house. Yeah?

Haven't you got rid of that yet?

He's tried everyone in the depot with that room. What's wrong with it?

Nothing's wrong with it at all. It just suits you. It's a nice room. Eat with

the family. It's only me, my mum and my sister Olive, you know.

Five quid a week, all in. Here, give us a push on the arm. No, it's my turn.

Tell him how to push it.

No,

you ain't got the right idea. You've got to get a good run. A good run like

this, you see.

There we go.

I'll come round and see that room then, mate.

I'll show you the room after I finish. Yeah, right. Well, give us a push.

To me, to me. Yeah, all right, here we go.

Blake,

what the hell do you think you're doing?

Is this all the behaviour we can expect when you're an inspector?

Sorry, sir.

It was their fault, really, they did it. You're supposed to set an example for

the men, Blake, not behave like an overgrown baby.

Here, do you want your nappy changing?

Butler? Come off the butler bit, Cyril. Never mind about the Cyril. You could

have cost me my promotion then, you know that?

Yeah. You wait till I'm made up. I'll make your life a blooming misery, I

Oh, will you? Yeah. Oh, will you?

Well, if you do that, mate, I'll tell the manager who backed that bus up.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Jack. Yeah?

You know why he's so keen to get you round into his house, don't you? Now

They're trying to marry his sister off.

She goes with the room. Yeah, not me, mate. I just love them and leave them.

Take no notice of him, mate. He's just trying to put you off. I won't have to,

mate. I can safely leave that to your sister, can't I?

Oh, God, I'm going for a cup of tea.

Do you know what? He's got the makings of a first -class creep.

And I didn't know how right I was.

Never mind about that. Come and help me get some of these off before it dies

hard. Will I? Oh.

Oh, God.

Oh. What's up?

Oh, it's soaking through me trousers now.

Oh, that's all right, mate. Now you'll have cream underpants to go with your

cream uniform.

Twink, come on, do something. I can't walk about the bloomin' depot like this,

can I? Well, we can't clean it up with the clothes on. Take them off, come on.

Oh, right.

Here.

Keep that finish away from me. You know, it upsets my stomach.

Oh, I'm making acid now. Oh, you and your bloomin' stomach. I don't know why

don't take it to the doctors. Don't talk to me about doctors. They're bloomin'

useless, mate.

Hey, Jack.

Do you remember when old Arthur tried to kid us that he was a doctor?

Oh, yeah.

And he was only hospital partner all the time.

Hey, that was the same day, wasn't it? I mean, you came round our house to look

at the room. Do you remember?

This way?

Well, here we are, Jack, mate. This is our front room. You'll have to take us

you find us, I'm afraid.

That's all right, mate. I'm pretty scruffy myself.

I can see you're a bloke after me own heart.

Oh, go on, love, sit down.

You're not married, are you?

Oh, no, Ma, I'm just naturally round -shouldered.

Here, you can have the room, love.

Oh, thanks, Ma.

Oh, blimey, I want to do that, please.

Here, you've got an ashtray, mate. There's one on the shelf there.

What's that funny burning smell?

That must be Olive cooking the dinner.

I can't help that, madam. I told you this morning that I'd be back later.

decided I'll have the room.

Eh? Who's this?

He came this morning. He saw the card in the shop window. Just one moment.

These people are busmen, aren't they?

That's all right, mate. We're busmen.

What's wrong with busmen?

Nothing in their right place, I suppose.

But the card did state that the room was for business and professional people.

And as I happen to be in the medical profession, I, of course, will be taking

the room.

Your son here said I could have the room.

Am I to understand this person here is your son?

Oh, yes, that's my son, Stanley.

Oh. Oh,

well, as they say, the room will serve the needs of the day.

So if you'll let me know when the evening meal is ready, and perhaps

my bag up.

What on earth is that?

That happens to be your evening meal, mate, so you'd better get stuck in.

learn how to cook. Oh, don't despair, love.

It is a bit better than last time.

Yeah, last time she burnt the kitchen and all.

Oh, mum, there's men in the room. Oh, Sam!

Oh, you damn it!

Oh, God!

These are nice men.

They won't eat you.

They won't eat a grub either.

Now, Jack, you come and sit here.

Thank you so much. Now then, this is my little Ollie.

They're both single men, dear. Oh.

This is Mr. Arthur Rudge.

He's going to be a doctor.

Oh. How do you do? I'm ever so interested in medicine myself.

You ought to be. You're drunk enough of it.

And this is Jack.

He's going to work with Stanley. How do you do?

I do like your uniform.

Are you on the buses as well?

No, love, actually. I'm in the Royal Air Force.

Him. No, no, no. I do insist. After all, you were the first to be asked. Ah,

yeah, but you got here first. No, no, but I... Let me show you to the room,

love. I must be polite. I mustn't give you the wrong impression.

Oh. Oh, well.

It won't be for very long. I have to go into hospital shortly and have an

operation.

What sort of an operation?

A surgical.

That's St Mary's. You don't need that sort of where.

Do you mean where about on you are you having it?

I don't really think I want to discuss that. It's rather personal.

Yeah, well, in that case, I'll just slip away. Is it big or small?

Is it... As a matter of fact, it's quite small.

Oh, Mum, he's not got a man's complaint, has he? Oh, of course not, dear. Now,

take the gentleman upstairs and help him to unpack.

Oh, yes, all right. Come on. Thank you.

Sleep well.

My case.

Well,

I don't like him for a start.

Well, I'm not too keen on him myself.

But if he's what Olive wants... He's what she's going to get.

What are you talking about?

Well, it's obvious.

He's mad about her.

Oh, I could see that, the way he was fighting over her.

Stan, anyway, he'll have a good living on his own when he's a doctor.

Not with on if he won't. He'd be too busy doctoring her up.

Well, I got quite a bit off his jacket. How's his trousers doing, Stan?

Yeah, I've finished these. Look at that. These have come up like brand new. Oh,

yeah. Hey, come on. You can come out now, Blakey. You've done them.

She's got me like a brass monkey then, hasn't she?

Yeah.

This ain't the first time you've ruined a brand new uniform of mine either, is

it?

Oh, that's a coincidence, isn't it? Yeah.

That was the first time you had that one on and all, isn't it?

Yeah, it was about a week after Arthur moved in. Do you remember?

I'll put the trifle down there, love. I don't think it's quite set, Mum.

Oh, well, we'll have to pour it out then, won't we?

Well, now then, when they come, Stan and I will go in the kitchen and have ours

and leave you and Arthur in here all by yourselves.

But I've only known him a week. How do I know he's Mr Right?

Of course he's Mr Right. I mean, you're made for each other.

Anyway, it'll be nice having a doctor in the house.

We won't have to queue up in the waiting room.

But I don't know what to say to him.

Let him do the talking and then steer the conversation round to wedding,

marriages and such like.

Oh, oh, here, go on, quick.

Take your glasses off.

Good

evening,

my beauties.

Oh, hello, Arthur, dear.

And, Arthur, love, would you like to talk about weddings?

Why, is someone getting married?

I'd love to. Oh, sister, don't rush him, dear.

Dear,

what are they doing here?

Yeah, well, I tell you, Mum, we're wetting Cyril's head, see, because he's

to be an inspector.

He's going to be a suspect.

He's a bit better than the old driving uniform, eh?

Yeah, yeah.

Just like the tailor's dummy, yeah. Mind you, he shouldn't be wearing it till

tomorrow, you know.

Yeah, yeah. What are you doing?

The candle won't light.

Put your glasses on, darling. You're trying to light the bottle.

Oh! Hey, hey, hey.

Stay back, mate. Don't allow me.

Where are they?

There we are.

What's that? Oh, Mum, what am I going to do? I can't sleep without my glasses.

Oh, of course, dear. You don't really need to wear glasses, do you?

No, she needs binoculars.

Take your friends

into the kitchen and let Arthur and Olive have their supper alone.

Yeah, we'll do that when we've had our answer.

I'm hungry and all, you know. You're drinking all that beer that does it.

go and get us something to eat. Make it nice big outfits.

But this was specially for Arthur and Ollie.

Yeah, I made it myself.

Yeah, well, it's funny.

I don't feel hungry now.

No, I had a pie in the pub.

I can feel my indigestion coming on.

Oh, and I've got news for you. He can't see you either.

So you're both in luck.

I wouldn't mind a drop of this soup.

That's my trifle. I made it myself.

Oh, well, that accounts for it, doesn't it?

Let's have a look. Let's have a look at it. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, it's a bit

runny, isn't it? I'm scared.

Here, look, look. Watch it, watch it. Hey, hey, watch it. Don't get it on me

uniform. Oh, God. One of those sluts all over ruining my uniform. Oh, no.

You said you wanted a bit of trifle, now you've got the lot.

Do you know something, partner? What?

I think I'm beginning to hate you.

What's your game?

This is my bed, you know.

No, it's not. It's mine.

This is my bed. Get out of it. Get on your own.

I'm sorry?

I thought there was something funny about you.

I can't wait to see the back of you lot. Oh, no, you don't. If you think you can

pop in and out of bed with my daughter, you've got another thing coming.

Mum, Mum, don't say anything you might regret later on.

Now, no one was happy.

That'll do you.

Oh, thanks very much, Norman.

Oh, well, anyway, Stan, your mum got your sister married.

Yeah, but far from losing a daughter, she gained a son -in -law, didn't she?

Yeah, but not for much longer, mate.

Last night was the limit, and when I got up this morning, I told them straight.

I said, look here, I said, you've got to go.

Stan, Nick.

Stan, Nick. Oh, yeah? What do you want, then?

We have both been thinking over what you said this morning.

And we have come to the conclusion that you were quite right.

Eh?

Oh, well, I hope I didn't upset you too much. I mean, after all, we have had our

happy times as well, haven't we, mate? Yes. Well, nonetheless, we have both

decided that you ought to go.

Yeah, well, we've all... I mean, every family has... Eh?

Fond of you, as we are, Stanley.

We have decided that you have been the cause of most of our little tiffs.

Eh?

Have a long sunshine.

We're going to buy ourselves an anniversary present.

I need a new cap.

It's made my day, that is. Hey, he can't chuck me out my own house. He looks

like he's done it, doesn't he, eh?

And I can chuck you out this step over what you've done here today with my

uniform and that bus.

Now, get it out. Come on, you're late.

I don't know which was the worst day of my life, the day I met Arthur or the day

I met you.

Get the bus!