Original subtitles

Well, you let down a bit, will you, Charlie?

It's been a terrible night. Is she going off home yet?

Is all the buses in? Yeah, she's just gone to check me last way, Bills.

How could them lights burn in at number 11 bus here?

Let's butt their off home without pushing them off. Can't wait to do

can he?

Told you.

I thought you were going to take me out tonight.

Yeah, well, I was, wasn't I? But, oh, it's call eleven.

Where are you going to go this time of night?

Well, I thought we could go round to your house. I told you, Mum will be

watching the telly. We're just going to sit and watch it with her.

Why can't we go to your place?

My house?

Blimey, they'll switch the telly off and watch us.

Well, what did you think we'd do?

Well, er, why can't we go to the recreation ground?

I miss weather.

I'm freezing as it is.

You've got me coping.

I don't know what he'd do if his battery goes down.

What's that there?

What are you doing up against the side of that bus there?

Oh, I thought you was damaging the company's property for a minute.

I've hardly touched her.

I'm talking about the bus.

Oh. Now, come on. You signed off half an hour ago.

Come on. The cleaners will be around. They'll be sweeping you up with the rest

of the rubbish.

Oh, get that stuff out of me.

Oh, God.

Stupid.

More of them.

What is this? A late -shift shovel loving, is it?

Stupid thing to do, isn't it?

Well, we have to do that, don't we? Get rid of undesirable creatures.

Stop some breeding.

There, there, there. I resent that implication.

It's made all my mascara run.

Susie, give us a hand. Oh, come on.

Now,

what do you two think you're up to, eh?

This is a bus step, though, not a blooming rabbit hatch, you know.

I'm telling the truth, Blakey. You see, we dated those two birds, and at this

time of night, we've got nowhere to go.

You can't stay here. Oh, go on, best sport. Open up the waiting room for us.

waiting room is there for people who are legitimately waiting.

Well, we've been waiting for the last hour.

I'll give you exactly one minute to get out of here.

Fair enough, getting the buses out on time without getting you mob out as

Oh, Burke.

Oh, I suppose we just had to walk the birds home then. I suppose so, yeah.

Pity it wasn't tomorrow night though. Why's that?

Well, Arthur's taking Mum and Olive on the motorbike, you know, for the

They've got a morning out and they aren't bored for the weekend.

Oh, yeah. Do you think of it? Blimey, I got the arse to myself then.

Well, blimey, mate, why didn't you say so? We could take them round there

tomorrow night.

Yeah.

Do you think they'll be willing?

Well, Mum was willing tonight.

Hey, Sue, Edna, come here a minute, love.

How about tomorrow night?

Come on, come on. Get the two women out of here. Will you do us a favour, mate?

What's that?

Lend us this bus to take the girls home.

Morning, mate.

Everything all right for the night, then? Keep your voice down. Blimey, it

gone yet.

Well, there's nothing wrong, is there? No, no, but I mean, it's a bit cold. Mum

must have wrapped up warm, you see.

Listen, I'm going to nip around the garage, make sure the girls haven't

forgotten about the night. Now, you make sure you get rid of your family.

Oh, right, of course I will.

Oh, it's going to be quite a night, eh?

Yeah, that's why I'm putting on the old marmalade, mate.

Keep the strength up, Stampsie. Hello, Jack.

Oh, uh... Can I have a tea, dear? No, thanks, Miss B. I've got some business

attend to. Oh. All right.

And, uh... Nearly ready, Mum?

No, love, I don't think we'll be going.

Why not?

Well, Arthur's having trouble with his bike.

I'll help him. I'll help him, yeah.

See if I can get it started.

You are a good boy.

After all, it can't be much fun for you being left here on your own.

No.

I'll see he gets it started, Mum. You get away, don't worry, darling.

trading myself anymore. That's it. We're not going. What do you mean you're not

going? It'll be dark. It's a bit cold, that's all.

You've never known how to start this thing up. Come out of it. It's dead

I'll show you how to do it. All right. All right.

Blimey, you've got too much air.

You've got a rich juice, mate. I'll show you. Put a point on there like that,

right. And a good kick.

A good kick.

Good morning.

I'll start this thing if it kills me.

Yeah, got it started? Very good.

Now you've all got to wait for the weekend, see?

Well, I think you're in, mate. You look as if you'll be spending your weekend in

bed.

Yeah, with a bit of luck, eh?

I'm saying this guy's hit me all good and all is ready.

All right, see? All right, no need to punch. I've got it going for you. Oh,

love. You haven't strained yourself, have you? No, it's nothing.

Oh, that's good.

Because I don't think we ought to go.

Why not?

Well, it's too cold for Olive to travel.

No, there's nothing to it, love.

No, you'll enjoy the ride.

No, I won't. Sitting on a pillion hurts me chill blades.

Well, blimey, you don't get chill blades down there, do you?

Of course not. It's the cold wind that does it.

Well, shove some of the chillblaine ointment on your face.

It's my fingers. I do not get chillblaines on my face.

You could have fooled me.

Don't be so rude.

If you're going to be like that all weekend, I don't want to go.

You've got to go. Well, what I mean is you don't have to go.

Well, I mean, there's actually haven't been a wave at heart for quite some

you know, and I thought going down there might be sort of a second honeymoon,

you know.

That settles it. I'm not going.

LAUGHTER

Don't tease her. You know you don't mean it.

Don't be stupid, Arthur.

Anyway, you know what it's like at Aunt Maud's. I'll have to share a little bed

with Mum, and Arthur will have to sleep downstairs on the camp bed.

Yeah, well, Mum wouldn't mind sleeping downstairs for once, and then you could

share a bed with Arthur.

Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, don't you shut up.

Well, I... I'll get a move on.

Right. Morning, Arthur.

I don't like to look at anything crusty, mate. Look at what.

There you are.

Put that... Oh, blimey, that's nothing.

I'm ready.

Oh, you've done up, haven't you?

What on earth do you think you look like?

Do you know how cold it is?

Blimey, you've got enough clobber on, haven't you? Yeah, I've got two of

everything. That is painfully obvious.

Chilling me stomach, so I had to put a hot water bottle there. You don't mean

tell me you've got a hot water bottle stuffed in there?

I don't normally look as fat as this, do I? Since you ask, yes.

Look.

Make you ridiculous. You look like a mummy kangaroo when it's young.

Yeah, well, if she ever has any young, they must probably look like that.

Oh,

don't be... I'm only joking.

You put it back in again there, darling. Go on.

I can tell you something. I cannot drive this motorbike without that thing

pressing in my back. Get on and try it, Owen.

Come on. Get on.

No,

it's no good.

It's no good. It's all flopping about, all wobbly.

She hasn't put it in yet.

Come on.

Well, that's quite firm.

You should wear one of those permanently.

I wouldn't mind not to go on this weekend. Well, I'm not too keen on going

myself. Then we're going and aren't we going? Yes, you're going. What's all

rubbish? What is it I'm old?

I've cooked her a chicken and I bought her a plant.

You get it, darling.

And I'll put it on your lap.

It's a bit funny getting in, isn't it? Wait a minute. Oh, I've got to get me

out. Oh, blimey. Wait a minute. That's it.

Now, you've got the plan, sweetheart, haven't you?

Yes, I've got the plan. I'll shut the door first. Lock the door.

Lock me in. That's it, right.

Oh, say.

What? Is it going to be all right?

Well, you're not going to be able to shut that lid, are you?

Well, look, Mum, lean it a bit this way.

Like that? Right.

Right, shut the lid.

Give us it here, give us it here.

Well, thank goodness we've still got the chicken.

Yeah, there you are, Mum. It's the chicken, yeah.

Oh, Aunt Maud loves my chickens.

She says they always taste different.

Well, that one certainly will.

Right, are we ready to go now?

It's Jackie, yeah? Oh, hello, Jack, yeah? Here, listen, I've had a word with

birds and it's all all right for the night. Isn't it, darling?

Hey,

Jack, Jack, is Susie there?

Yeah, hang on, I'll pass you over. Here, have a word.

Hello, Stan.

I'm looking forward to tonight.

Don't tire yourself out too much driving that bus, will you?

Don't worry yourself about that, my old darling.

Here's a kiss to be going on with.

Oh, turn it in, will you?

Tell our love I'll see you tonight.

Bye, love.

I hope you're in the mood tonight.

Well, I'm not in the mood now.

to a bit of pleasure.

I know just how you feel.

Oh, I'll have to take the other vest off, Mum. It's soaking.

Oh, love, isn't it a shame? Don't be fixing Hartman out.

Don't look, don't look.

Don't worry about that, love. We've had enough shocks for one day.

Look, love, you'll have to take this other vest off. It's damp.

I can't have that round your stomach. It's not going to do you no good, love.

There you are.

Put that on the table with the others.

Wait, stop it, wait.

Well, bring it out.

Oh, Mum, the water was scalding. It spurned me.

Arthur, look.

I'd rather not, thank you.

Never mind, love. It'll all go away.

Oh, blimey, all this fuss over nothing.

It is not. If it doesn't go away, I might never be able to wear a bikini

Well, for that, we must all be truly thankful.

Well, you're very lucky it hasn't affected him in any way, aren't you? Oh,

up! That's not very nice, Arthur. Must have been very painful for her. You know

what a sensitive stomach she's got.

It's round me waist. I got burnt most.

Oh, never mind, love. I'll rub a bit of margarine on it.

Oh, blimey, don't do that. Her knickers will keep slipping off.

I'd better go upstairs and change.

So where are we going now?

Don't be tough, love. Hey, Olive, of course you'll be going.

Listen, I can get that bike fixed in half an hour. What a lot of rot he does

talk. That bike is ruined.

Look, mate, I've been a bus driver for years. I know what I'm talking about.

I'll fix it in half an hour. Don't worry, me old darling, you'll be going.

Look, come and look for yourself. Let's see what can be done, at least. Come on.

Well, go on.

What a waste of time.

Right, now then.

Now, let's see.

Yeah, well, you see, mate, that's what you told me was absolutely foolproof.

Well, well, blimey, it's not all that bad, really, is it?

It's so certain the fork's here. Lift it up a bit, I'll straighten them out by

hand. Oh,

blimey.

Oh, very clever.

Shall we make a wish?

Very funny.

Ah, don't be daft, dear.

Can't get that welded up. Well, it's Saturday morning.

Well, the maintenance department, the depot, it's open all the weekend.

But you're on a late shift, mate. Take it in Monday. Don't be daft. If I take

in Monday, you won't be able to go away for the weekend, will you? Well, that's

all I meant.

No, no, I'll take it in Arthur, and I'll get it welded up, and I'll have it come

back and have it fixed up by 12 o 'clock. I don't understand what's come

you, Stanley.

Giving up your Saturday morning to mend my bike, anyone who's picked you on an

incentive bonus.

No, no, it's the best incentive of the lot.

We'll just have to get a new pair of fun forks, mate. We're going to get them

from now, of course not.

Now, I'll keep telling you, Jackie, anyway, get old Joe to weld this up for

right? Get it on, get it done by 12 o 'clock. Get them away.

Otherwise, the family will be stuck with us all night. Trust you to muck

everything up, eh?

Oh, hello, darling.

You're seated, Edna. No, we've got one more shift yet. Is it all right for

tonight? Yeah, of course.

We've got to go home first, get out of these things and change into something a

bit more comfy.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, Edna. Bye.

Ta -ra.

See you tonight.

Yeah, OK, love.

Oh, blimey, let's get this welded up. Come on.

Look, I told you.

I can only do it for you later on. Look, Joe, we've got to have it now.

Look, mate, I'm busy.

I've got to get that bus out before 30.

If you want it now, do it yourself.

There's the torch.

Well, that's right, isn't it? What do we know about welding?

How do we know... Put them gloves on. I know all about welding. I watched a

bloke doing it once. Oh, sure, mate.

Here we are.

Don't hold you.

See the doddle, mate.

Here we are. Put them on.

Well, we can only have a go, mate, can't we? Of course we can. Right.

Right, now, shove that in the vice. Shove what in the vice? I can't see it.

Back there.

Oh, yes, yeah, I've got it. Right.

Right.

Now, get them tongs.

Tongs. Wait a minute. Get the tongs. Yeah.

And hold the other bit there. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Get hold of it

the tongs. Right. Put your coat on it. All right.

That's it now. Hold it steady. Hold it there. All right. All right.

These glasses, I can't see what I'm doing in the dark. Well, in fact, like

use, you'll be at the night.

It's not going to be any use for anybody like that, is it?

Well, perhaps we can plug it into a water divider.

Stop it, back in the life, I'll snog it at midnight. Well, anyway, let's put

these glasses on. Right.

Hold it still.

What's that? There's only one thing wrong. What's that? You've welded the

tongues on.

It's going to look perfect.

Look at that.

Blum. Oh, Blum, it's a great job that is, Jack.

Marvellous, that.

Straight as a dive, boy.

Lovely, isn't it? Yeah.

Quarter of a pot.

Blum, I can even feel that through those asbestos gloves.

I tell you what, mate, Joe couldn't have done a better job than that. I'm proud

of you, son. What do you want me to say?

Oh, uh,

uh, nothing. Oh, doing a bit of private work, are we? Uh, no, Blakey, it's

nothing, really.

Nothing? They don't have them on buses, do they? You've been doing a bit of

welding on there, mate. Look, I can see it's done.

Is it all right? Is it all right?

Well, get me in that fire bucket.

I'll get you in this bucket. You know, you're not supposed to use a company's

facilities. It's stealing, isn't it? What are you talking about, stealing?

have we taken?

Yeah, come on, come on. What have we taken?

Heat.

Heat? Well, blimey, you said half of it back again, hadn't you?

Just soon to get me in, but... I could get you a sack for this, you know that,

don't you?

You're not supposed to use a company's facilities for your own purposes.

Oh, Inspector.

Didn't know you was here.

Come for your bike, have you?

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, you may as well take it.

No, no, no.

No.

We done all you asked.

And while we was about it, we repainted the frame and put a lot of new bits on.

All on the firm.

No, that's very nice. Yeah, yeah.

All them new fits and all repainted, like, very handy to be able to use the

company's facilities.

Yeah, well, this is different, isn't it? I have to use this bicycle to get here

early in the morning to get the buses out on time, don't I? We fixed your

hairdryer. What?

Well, you use that on your moustache.

It's me mother's. Well, she ain't got a moustache at all.

Oh, come on, Jack.

It's not too bad now, no, this is it.

Let's get this back on the bike. The quicker we get this back on the bike,

quicker old Harper can get the family away for the weekend.

Oh, we'll have that lovely empty house with those gorgeous birds, eh?

Blakey, while you're drawing your mother's ear, think of us, will you?

I hate you, butler. I hate you.

That's it, all right.

Blimey, Jack, I'm worn out.

Hey, do you know, it's taken us two and a half hours to get that part together

again. Things we do for a bit of crumpet.

Might be easier to marry him.

got water bottles burst again.

family's home. Well, what happened?

I don't know. I'll find out.

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

You and your blasted world in that bite of mine. All right, all right, later on.

You've got to go down to the cabin and get some of Ollie's nerve medicine.

having one of her funny turns.

And while you're down there, get me some aspirin. I think I've got concussion.

Yes, and right before you do that, you'd better go into the kitchen and make us

some food. We haven't had a bite to eat. I've been walking miles and miles.

Feet are killing me.

Well, let me shut the front door, will you?

It's all off, Jack.

Oh. I don't know. I can't help it, mate. The bike felt a bit in a terrible state

in there. I'll have to look after him all night long, I suppose.

Oh, blood. This reminds me of the 16 bus. Why? The circular route, you know.

keep going round and round and round. You never seem to get anywhere.

Oh, well. I like it. You like it.