Original subtitles

I'm looking for Laura.

She in casa?

She's out. And she made me promise not to tell you where she was.

I see.

Well, this time I'm prepared.

What is that under your arm?

Hair.

Actually,

it's a photo CD player.

Since you won't tell me where Laura is, I'll just entertain you with photos of

my trip to the Wisconsin cheese.

festival. Oh, God, no.

And the beauty of this baby is, each disc can hold hundreds of photos.

Oh, no.

That's me about to leave for my dream trip.

My head is starting to thrive.

Now it's chest pains.

And now let's see all 483 of the cheeses that were entered.

We'll start with a chipper cheddar.

Now a succulent Swiss.

A bodacious abridged.

Steve, please.

On the newspaper page. And love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a towel.

your eternity and raise you a Georgio.

Okay.

I'll see your Georgio and raise you a Lair de Ton.

Too rich for my blood.

Here's your Lair de Ton and I'll bump you a Chloe.

No fair.

That's Eau de Toilette.

Read them and win.

If you keep eating like that, you're gonna be wallowing in it.

Oh, lighten up, Jenny Craig.

I'll have you know this hot fudge is nonfat.

The ice cream is nonfat, and the sprinkles on top are nonfat. Everything

is nonfat.

Except the container.

Very nice, Harriet.

Very, very nice.

Those charm school lessons really...

me that charlie was studying for the lieutenant's exam oh really yeah she

me if you were going to take the test and what you say harriet well i didn't

know what to say i say well

Why are you so upset? I'm not upset.

I'm going for a walk.

But first, I'm going to bed.

Okay, everybody.

Closing time.

Michigan and skip some stones.

No thanks, Steve. I don't want my weekend to peak that early.

You got a punch.

Hey, Waldo.

You feel like doing something?

Nah, I'm going home.

Oh, come on, man. Let's take our minimum wage and have some maximum fun.

Look, Mr. Fancy Pants BMOC college dude.

Let's stop playing games.

Let's turn our cars face up and call a turkey a chicken.

but you got some kind of problem with me?

Yeah, I got a big problem, Bob.

You're going off to college.

You'll be doing new and exciting things while I'm stuck back here in a rut.

Rut?

Don't repeat me. I hurt myself the first time.

Come on, Waldo.

I mean, you'll be doing fun stuff, too.

Oh, really?

Will I be pouring Mr. Bubba in a university swimming pool?

Will I be scoping honeys in tight sweaters?

Will I be seeing how many of my frat brothers can fit in a pay toilet?

No, sir. No higher education for me.

But, Walter, you could go to college, too.

With a 1 .0 grade average?

Oh, that's higher than I thought.

The point is, you're going to move on with your life and forget all about me.

So it'll hurt a lot less if we just end our friendship right now.

Hey, good luckin'. Still bookin'? What do you want, Steve?

It's Saturday night.

What do you say we pile into the I -Center, cruise on down to Carpet City,

search the dumpsters for remnants?

Just go home.

What's the matter, Pudding Pops?

Well, if you must know, I'm a little worried about my father.

The big guy?

What's wrong?

Well, my mom asked him if he was going to take the test to become a lieutenant,

and he...

The way he normally treats you.

Oh.

I just wish there was something I could do to help him.

Because you're going to study for that lieutenant's test.

Steve. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Tom, I know why you don't want to take that test.

Get out.

Oh, wait, Tom.

You don't want to take that test because you have.

when you dig deep into your character and peel away the layers of cowardice.

Problems just left.

Are you still upset about that lieutenant's exam?

I don't believe this.

How does everybody know I'm not taking that stupid test?

Oh, calm down, Carl. No, I will not calm down.

Harriet called you, didn't she?

Yes, she did.

She doesn't understand why you're so angry with her for bringing up the

lieutenant's exam.

I'm not angry at her, Ma.

Well, what's the problem, honey?

I don't know.

Steve says I have this weird thing called fop.

Oh, fear of failure.

Well, yeah, but that's ridiculous, isn't it? Is it?

No, he's right.

Mom, it's a real tough test. A lot of very smart guys have failed it. Well,

only means if you fail, you'll be in good company.

His dad was a lieutenant.

And even though he's gone now, I still want him to be proud of me.

Carl, I knew your father better than anyone.

He was proud of you when you tried your best.

Yeah, but... If I take the test and fail, I'll feel like I'm letting

him down.

The only way you could let him down is if you didn't try at all.

Waldo, is that you?

Yeah.

Come on in. The door's open.

You sure?

Yeah.

Hey, you tricked me bad.

Look, thanks for coming over.

I mean, considering that we're not friends anymore.

You're just lucky Lost in Space was a rerun.

Do I smell scary sauce?

You sure do.

Shall we pasta?

Cool.

Oh, criminal.

Ma 'am, chicken.

Listen, Waldo, the reason I asked you to come over is because it's something you

gotta understand.

Just because I'm going to college doesn't mean we still can't be friends.

Oh, yeah?

Remember the Renaldo Geraldo Faldo?

He had the same girlfriend all through high school, but they went to different

colleges. They swore they'd stay in love, but she met another guy and they

up.

Waldo, that's not us.

I know.

Didn't I say it was my brother and his girlfriend?

And you call yourself a college man.

Look, for the past two years, all we've talked about is getting an apartment

together after we graduate, right?

Right. But now that's not going to happen.

Why not?

Because you'll be living in some dorm or frat house.

No way.

I'm going to be sharing an apartment with my best friend, Waldo Geraldo

But you'll be getting up every day to go to class.

And I'll be getting up to go where?

Here.

The Chicago Killer Canary Institute.

No.

Culinary. The Chicago Culinary Institute.

The gourmet cooking school? Yeah. Some of the top chefs in the country have

studied there. I know.

You ever thought about going?

Are you kidding?

That would be a dream come true.

Okay. Then fill out that application and send it in.

No way. I'm not good enough. Yes, you are.

Eh. I mean, sure, I grind my own nut meats, but...

Waldo. What's up?

Ten minutes ago, this was ketchup.

But now... Mmm.

It's perfect.

Waldo, you got a gift.

When it comes to food, you're an artist.

I don't want to see you waste that gift.

So fill out that application and send it in.

You can make your dream come true, man.

Thanks, Eddie.

You're a good friend.

Right back at you.

I'm gonna fill this out right now.

Good idea.

Let's see.

Name? Got one.

Got one of those, too?

Sex soon.

Hi,

honey.

Hello, Carl.

What's wrong?

Something came in the mail, and, well, it kind of got to me.

Oh, Harriet, I've told you a hundred times. Don't let those lingerie catalogs

get you down.

Those girls are professional models. They starve themselves.

Carl.

It wasn't a lingerie catalog.

It was the result of your lieutenant's exam.

Oh.

Well, I guess you don't have to tell me the outcome.

Carl.

I'm okay.

It's okay.

I'll just take the test again next year. That's all.

Come here.

Come on, Harriet.

You don't have to try to cheer me up.

I'm not.

It's just that I've always wanted to kiss a lieutenant.

Here you go, ma 'am.

Thank you.

And here's your change, baby.

You know, I'm curious.

I can't help but wonder, why are you smiling at me?

I'm trying not to laugh at that stupid hat.

Good night, Mrs. Altendorf. Young man, my hot dog was overcooked. My fries were

greasy. And my soda was watered down.

See you tomorrow?

You betcha. Family Matters is a Miller -Boyette production in association with

Warner Brothers Television.