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1
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:20,779
I'm looking for Laura.
2
00:00:20,780 --> 00:00:21,738
She in casa?
3
00:00:21,740 --> 00:00:25,680
She's out. And she made me promise not
to tell you where she was.
4
00:00:26,980 --> 00:00:27,980
I see.
5
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,280
Well, this time I'm prepared.
6
00:00:31,780 --> 00:00:33,220
What is that under your arm?
7
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:34,800
Hair.
8
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:36,760
Actually,
9
00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,360
it's a photo CD player.
10
00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:45,980
Since you won't tell me where Laura is,
I'll just entertain you with photos of
11
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:47,960
my trip to the Wisconsin cheese.
12
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:49,940
festival. Oh, God, no.
13
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:56,480
And the beauty of this baby is, each
disc can hold hundreds of photos.
14
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:57,720
Oh, no.
15
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,040
That's me about to leave for my dream
trip.
16
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,160
My head is starting to thrive.
17
00:01:20,490 --> 00:01:21,850
Now it's chest pains.
18
00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:28,510
And now let's see all 483 of the cheeses
that were entered.
19
00:01:33,790 --> 00:01:35,970
We'll start with a chipper cheddar.
20
00:01:37,990 --> 00:01:40,250
Now a succulent Swiss.
21
00:01:41,650 --> 00:01:43,830
A bodacious abridged.
22
00:01:46,430 --> 00:01:47,550
Steve, please.
23
00:02:29,070 --> 00:02:33,810
On the newspaper page. And love and
tradition of the grand design.
24
00:02:34,090 --> 00:02:37,530
Some people say it's even harder to
find.
25
00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:44,510
Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.
26
00:02:45,810 --> 00:02:48,690
Because all I see is a towel.
27
00:03:15,470 --> 00:03:19,070
your eternity and raise you a Georgio.
28
00:03:21,370 --> 00:03:22,370
Okay.
29
00:03:22,990 --> 00:03:27,750
I'll see your Georgio and raise you a
Lair de Ton.
30
00:03:29,350 --> 00:03:31,230
Too rich for my blood.
31
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:36,810
Here's your Lair de Ton and I'll bump
you a Chloe.
32
00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:38,470
No fair.
33
00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:40,350
That's Eau de Toilette.
34
00:03:52,750 --> 00:03:53,750
Read them and win.
35
00:05:26,030 --> 00:05:28,450
If you keep eating like that, you're
gonna be wallowing in it.
36
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:30,390
Oh, lighten up, Jenny Craig.
37
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:35,130
I'll have you know this hot fudge is
nonfat.
38
00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:40,130
The ice cream is nonfat, and the
sprinkles on top are nonfat. Everything
39
00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:41,130
is nonfat.
40
00:05:42,090 --> 00:05:43,330
Except the container.
41
00:05:48,510 --> 00:05:49,750
Very nice, Harriet.
42
00:05:50,790 --> 00:05:52,450
Very, very nice.
43
00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:55,150
Those charm school lessons really...
44
00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:12,840
me that charlie was studying for the
lieutenant's exam oh really yeah she
45
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:18,060
me if you were going to take the test
and what you say harriet well i didn't
46
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:19,440
know what to say i say well
47
00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:52,170
Why are you so upset? I'm not upset.
48
00:06:54,130 --> 00:06:55,250
I'm going for a walk.
49
00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:02,350
But first, I'm going to bed.
50
00:07:06,350 --> 00:07:07,350
Okay, everybody.
51
00:07:07,870 --> 00:07:08,870
Closing time.
52
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,080
Michigan and skip some stones.
53
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,160
No thanks, Steve. I don't want my
weekend to peak that early.
54
00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:31,060
You got a punch.
55
00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:33,780
Hey, Waldo.
56
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,360
You feel like doing something?
57
00:07:36,060 --> 00:07:37,060
Nah, I'm going home.
58
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:41,100
Oh, come on, man. Let's take our minimum
wage and have some maximum fun.
59
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,320
Look, Mr. Fancy Pants BMOC college dude.
60
00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:46,240
Let's stop playing games.
61
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,840
Let's turn our cars face up and call a
turkey a chicken.
62
00:07:53,610 --> 00:07:55,010
but you got some kind of problem with
me?
63
00:07:55,490 --> 00:07:56,910
Yeah, I got a big problem, Bob.
64
00:07:57,550 --> 00:07:58,670
You're going off to college.
65
00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:02,050
You'll be doing new and exciting things
while I'm stuck back here in a rut.
66
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:03,690
Rut?
67
00:08:03,790 --> 00:08:05,710
Don't repeat me. I hurt myself the first
time.
68
00:08:07,030 --> 00:08:08,610
Come on, Waldo.
69
00:08:09,130 --> 00:08:11,090
I mean, you'll be doing fun stuff, too.
70
00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:12,650
Oh, really?
71
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:15,430
Will I be pouring Mr. Bubba in a
university swimming pool?
72
00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:17,810
Will I be scoping honeys in tight
sweaters?
73
00:08:18,450 --> 00:08:20,850
Will I be seeing how many of my frat
brothers can fit in a pay toilet?
74
00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,320
No, sir. No higher education for me.
75
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,640
But, Walter, you could go to college,
too.
76
00:08:36,299 --> 00:08:37,980
With a 1 .0 grade average?
77
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,419
Oh, that's higher than I thought.
78
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:51,280
The point is, you're going to move on
with your life and forget all about me.
79
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,180
So it'll hurt a lot less if we just end
our friendship right now.
80
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:12,280
Hey, good luckin'. Still bookin'? What
do you want, Steve?
81
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:13,960
It's Saturday night.
82
00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:18,660
What do you say we pile into the I
-Center, cruise on down to Carpet City,
83
00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:20,000
search the dumpsters for remnants?
84
00:09:24,359 --> 00:09:25,760
Just go home.
85
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,340
What's the matter, Pudding Pops?
86
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,460
Well, if you must know, I'm a little
worried about my father.
87
00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:34,860
The big guy?
88
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,600
What's wrong?
89
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:40,760
Well, my mom asked him if he was going
to take the test to become a lieutenant,
90
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:41,980
and he...
91
00:10:01,550 --> 00:10:02,910
The way he normally treats you.
92
00:10:04,630 --> 00:10:05,630
Oh.
93
00:10:07,350 --> 00:10:09,870
I just wish there was something I could
do to help him.
94
00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:32,990
Because you're going to study for that
lieutenant's test.
95
00:11:33,370 --> 00:11:35,190
Steve. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay.
96
00:11:36,170 --> 00:11:39,170
Tom, I know why you don't want to take
that test.
97
00:11:39,390 --> 00:11:39,989
Get out.
98
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:40,990
Oh, wait, Tom.
99
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:43,210
You don't want to take that test because
you have.
100
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:28,870
when you dig deep into your character
and peel away the layers of cowardice.
101
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:24,150
Problems just left.
102
00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:26,910
Are you still upset about that
lieutenant's exam?
103
00:13:28,190 --> 00:13:29,490
I don't believe this.
104
00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:32,250
How does everybody know I'm not taking
that stupid test?
105
00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:35,030
Oh, calm down, Carl. No, I will not calm
down.
106
00:13:37,430 --> 00:13:38,690
Harriet called you, didn't she?
107
00:13:39,230 --> 00:13:40,250
Yes, she did.
108
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:44,990
She doesn't understand why you're so
angry with her for bringing up the
109
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:45,990
lieutenant's exam.
110
00:13:46,490 --> 00:13:48,090
I'm not angry at her, Ma.
111
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:50,310
Well, what's the problem, honey?
112
00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:52,370
I don't know.
113
00:13:53,450 --> 00:13:56,030
Steve says I have this weird thing
called fop.
114
00:13:56,410 --> 00:13:57,930
Oh, fear of failure.
115
00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:09,250
Well, yeah, but that's ridiculous, isn't
it? Is it?
116
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,250
No, he's right.
117
00:14:13,850 --> 00:14:19,510
Mom, it's a real tough test. A lot of
very smart guys have failed it. Well,
118
00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:22,130
only means if you fail, you'll be in
good company.
119
00:14:25,610 --> 00:14:26,610
His dad was a lieutenant.
120
00:14:27,550 --> 00:14:31,890
And even though he's gone now, I still
want him to be proud of me.
121
00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:35,670
Carl, I knew your father better than
anyone.
122
00:14:36,590 --> 00:14:39,790
He was proud of you when you tried your
best.
123
00:14:41,270 --> 00:14:48,150
Yeah, but... If I take the test and
fail, I'll feel like I'm letting
124
00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:49,150
him down.
125
00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:54,530
The only way you could let him down is
if you didn't try at all.
126
00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:25,460
Waldo, is that you?
127
00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:26,740
Yeah.
128
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,620
Come on in. The door's open.
129
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,100
You sure?
130
00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:32,020
Yeah.
131
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,520
Hey, you tricked me bad.
132
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,940
Look, thanks for coming over.
133
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,320
I mean, considering that we're not
friends anymore.
134
00:15:46,910 --> 00:15:49,290
You're just lucky Lost in Space was a
rerun.
135
00:15:53,950 --> 00:15:55,430
Do I smell scary sauce?
136
00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:57,030
You sure do.
137
00:15:57,510 --> 00:15:58,510
Shall we pasta?
138
00:15:58,790 --> 00:15:59,790
Cool.
139
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,770
Oh, criminal.
140
00:16:06,370 --> 00:16:07,830
Ma 'am, chicken.
141
00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:48,100
Listen, Waldo, the reason I asked you to
come over is because it's something you
142
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,100
gotta understand.
143
00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:52,700
Just because I'm going to college
doesn't mean we still can't be friends.
144
00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:54,420
Oh, yeah?
145
00:16:54,740 --> 00:16:56,500
Remember the Renaldo Geraldo Faldo?
146
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,680
He had the same girlfriend all through
high school, but they went to different
147
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:04,319
colleges. They swore they'd stay in
love, but she met another guy and they
148
00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:05,319
up.
149
00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:07,900
Waldo, that's not us.
150
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:09,660
I know.
151
00:17:10,099 --> 00:17:11,760
Didn't I say it was my brother and his
girlfriend?
152
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,920
And you call yourself a college man.
153
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,760
Look, for the past two years, all we've
talked about is getting an apartment
154
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,280
together after we graduate, right?
155
00:17:23,740 --> 00:17:25,640
Right. But now that's not going to
happen.
156
00:17:25,859 --> 00:17:26,839
Why not?
157
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:28,680
Because you'll be living in some dorm or
frat house.
158
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:29,919
No way.
159
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:34,080
I'm going to be sharing an apartment
with my best friend, Waldo Geraldo
160
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,580
But you'll be getting up every day to go
to class.
161
00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:39,140
And I'll be getting up to go where?
162
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:41,760
Here.
163
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,090
The Chicago Killer Canary Institute.
164
00:17:49,710 --> 00:17:50,710
No.
165
00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:53,650
Culinary. The Chicago Culinary
Institute.
166
00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:57,510
The gourmet cooking school? Yeah. Some
of the top chefs in the country have
167
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:58,530
studied there. I know.
168
00:17:58,810 --> 00:17:59,990
You ever thought about going?
169
00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:01,670
Are you kidding?
170
00:18:01,870 --> 00:18:03,310
That would be a dream come true.
171
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:06,150
Okay. Then fill out that application and
send it in.
172
00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:10,270
No way. I'm not good enough. Yes, you
are.
173
00:18:10,570 --> 00:18:14,010
Eh. I mean, sure, I grind my own nut
meats, but...
174
00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:16,870
Waldo. What's up?
175
00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:20,790
Ten minutes ago, this was ketchup.
176
00:18:21,910 --> 00:18:26,830
But now... Mmm.
177
00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:29,250
It's perfect.
178
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,290
Waldo, you got a gift.
179
00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:33,550
When it comes to food, you're an artist.
180
00:18:38,590 --> 00:18:40,670
I don't want to see you waste that gift.
181
00:18:41,410 --> 00:18:43,590
So fill out that application and send it
in.
182
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,820
You can make your dream come true, man.
183
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,219
Thanks, Eddie.
184
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:57,220
You're a good friend.
185
00:18:57,340 --> 00:18:58,340
Right back at you.
186
00:18:58,540 --> 00:18:59,780
I'm gonna fill this out right now.
187
00:18:59,980 --> 00:19:00,980
Good idea.
188
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:06,280
Let's see.
189
00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:09,400
Name? Got one.
190
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:18,320
Got one of those, too?
191
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:21,960
Sex soon.
192
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:24,040
Hi,
193
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,300
honey.
194
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:36,800
Hello, Carl.
195
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:38,760
What's wrong?
196
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,680
Something came in the mail, and, well,
it kind of got to me.
197
00:19:45,130 --> 00:19:49,110
Oh, Harriet, I've told you a hundred
times. Don't let those lingerie catalogs
198
00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:50,110
get you down.
199
00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:55,630
Those girls are professional models.
They starve themselves.
200
00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:57,030
Carl.
201
00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:01,030
It wasn't a lingerie catalog.
202
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:04,690
It was the result of your lieutenant's
exam.
203
00:20:06,010 --> 00:20:07,010
Oh.
204
00:20:07,830 --> 00:20:10,510
Well, I guess you don't have to tell me
the outcome.
205
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,110
Carl.
206
00:20:12,430 --> 00:20:13,430
I'm okay.
207
00:20:14,730 --> 00:20:15,349
It's okay.
208
00:20:15,350 --> 00:20:17,790
I'll just take the test again next year.
That's all.
209
00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:23,470
Come here.
210
00:20:23,630 --> 00:20:24,630
Come on, Harriet.
211
00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:26,630
You don't have to try to cheer me up.
212
00:20:27,170 --> 00:20:28,170
I'm not.
213
00:20:28,530 --> 00:20:32,310
It's just that I've always wanted to
kiss a lieutenant.
214
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:50,990
Here you go, ma 'am.
215
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:52,350
Thank you.
216
00:20:52,410 --> 00:20:54,850
And here's your change, baby.
217
00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:57,190
You know, I'm curious.
218
00:20:57,830 --> 00:21:01,250
I can't help but wonder, why are you
smiling at me?
219
00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:05,630
I'm trying not to laugh at that stupid
hat.
220
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:26,480
Good night, Mrs. Altendorf. Young man,
my hot dog was overcooked. My fries were
221
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,060
greasy. And my soda was watered down.
222
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,520
See you tomorrow?
223
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:35,220
You betcha. Family Matters is a Miller
-Boyette production in association with
224
00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:36,220
Warner Brothers Television.
16428
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