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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,840
Bring the world's appliances to your
home.
2
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:20,660
Hey, Steve.
3
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,760
My money pie.
4
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,640
Check out the thong on this, babe.
5
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,620
No, I bet they call it a thong because
when you pull it off, it goes thong,
6
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,160
thong, thong, thong, thong, thong.
7
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:44,680
Harold.
8
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,620
What is it, Steven?
9
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:52,100
Well, I need some extra time on my
science fair project. Can I stay after
10
00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:54,300
Well, I suppose.
11
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:55,940
Oh, thanks, Peach.
12
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,380
When I publish, you're an
acknowledgment.
13
00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:05,980
Say, Anna, want to skip lunch and do a
little lab work with me?
14
00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:12,860
Apparently not.
15
00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:21,540
How you doing, yuckle?
16
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,840
Oh, what do you want, Thornhill?
17
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,120
Fair warning.
18
00:01:26,490 --> 00:01:29,670
Don't waste your time on a science fair
project this year, because I'm going to
19
00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:30,690
win first prize.
20
00:01:31,190 --> 00:01:34,690
Yeah? Well, you better lay out the
pickles before bedtime, Thorny, because
21
00:01:34,690 --> 00:01:35,690
you're dreaming.
22
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,290
Don't you ever point a rubber glove at
me.
23
00:01:41,690 --> 00:01:43,610
You're around a little tight, Dexter.
24
00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:45,450
Grab a nap.
25
00:01:46,770 --> 00:01:48,690
All right for you, Mr. Brainy Pants.
26
00:01:49,030 --> 00:01:52,110
One of these days you're going to mess
up, and I'll be there to rub your face
27
00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:54,390
it. Oh, I'm just shaking in my lab coat.
28
00:01:58,190 --> 00:02:01,130
encapsulated the speed at which a body
projected horizontally from the top of a
29
00:02:01,130 --> 00:02:02,970
mountain will leave the earth and begin
revolving around it.
30
00:02:04,430 --> 00:02:05,430
Isaac Newton.
31
00:02:05,490 --> 00:02:08,310
Who found in modern chemistry a means of
experiments leading to a theory of the
32
00:02:08,310 --> 00:02:09,310
nature of combustion?
33
00:02:13,610 --> 00:02:14,630
Antoine Lavoisier.
34
00:02:15,710 --> 00:02:18,730
Who assigned a motion to the earth after
the manner of a wheel being carried on
35
00:02:18,730 --> 00:02:19,730
its own axis?
36
00:03:59,050 --> 00:04:05,090
Love and tradition of the grand design
Some people say it's even harder to find
37
00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:12,070
Well, then there must be some magic clue
Inside these gentle walls
38
00:04:12,070 --> 00:04:15,050
That's all I see
39
00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:53,650
these shoes are.
40
00:04:55,930 --> 00:04:57,510
Ma, I gotta talk to you about Steve.
41
00:04:58,050 --> 00:04:59,130
Oh, you mean the explosion?
42
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,510
Well, Steve says he didn't do it, but
nobody believes him.
43
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,610
They want to expel him.
44
00:05:05,050 --> 00:05:06,730
Really? For a little explosion?
45
00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:09,970
It wasn't that little.
46
00:05:10,230 --> 00:05:12,210
One of the lab tables hasn't come down
yet.
47
00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:16,210
Well, I really feel bad for Steve.
48
00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:17,890
Yeah, me too.
49
00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:22,210
That may be something I could do to
help.
50
00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:25,180
What is it?
51
00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:28,800
Well, Steve could act for a student
trial and I could represent him. Oh,
52
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,719
a great idea.
53
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:30,840
Yeah, I think I'll do it.
54
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,180
But if I win the case, I'll ruin the
party.
55
00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:34,379
What party?
56
00:05:34,380 --> 00:05:36,660
The one the kids want to throw the day
Steve gets expelled.
57
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:56,980
You sit together.
58
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,600
Relax. I'll handle it.
59
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:05,220
Hey, Snuggress, I thought I just saw you
outside.
60
00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:07,920
Oh, that must have been somebody else
kissing on your girl.
61
00:06:41,450 --> 00:06:42,450
You're saying it wrong.
62
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:44,530
Enunciate. Bay leaf.
63
00:06:47,130 --> 00:06:48,430
Okay, so you're the bay leaf.
64
00:06:48,790 --> 00:06:49,970
Why are you wearing that outfit?
65
00:06:50,690 --> 00:06:53,470
Because bay leafs are supposed to wear a
uniform and I didn't want to look
66
00:06:53,470 --> 00:06:54,470
stupid.
67
00:06:58,310 --> 00:06:59,310
All right.
68
00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:06,450
You've seen him in the halls. Now here
he is live in our courtroom playing our
69
00:07:06,450 --> 00:07:07,450
judge.
70
00:08:52,170 --> 00:08:53,170
and family.
71
00:08:56,810 --> 00:08:57,810
Order!
72
00:08:58,490 --> 00:08:59,490
Order!
73
00:09:02,050 --> 00:09:05,210
Another outburst like that and I'll
clear the cafeteria.
74
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:09,870
Miss Monkhouse, you blew up the science
lab?
75
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:11,450
Guilty as charged, sir.
76
00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:25,750
take the fall for you?
77
00:09:25,870 --> 00:09:26,870
But why?
78
00:09:26,890 --> 00:09:29,290
If you get expelled, your life will be
ruined.
79
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:30,990
But what about yours?
80
00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:33,910
Without you, I have no life.
81
00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:37,330
I won't let you do this.
82
00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:40,310
I'm innocent, and I must clear my name.
83
00:09:40,950 --> 00:09:42,190
You're so brave.
84
00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:43,450
You're so noble.
85
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,420
Mr.
86
00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:25,820
Thornhill, call your first witness.
87
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,340
The prosecution calls Mr.
88
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,600
Harold Sweeney.
89
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,880
ready to tell the truth, the whole
truth, nothing but the truth, and
90
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:04,980
and health of death do you part.
91
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:09,520
I'm not getting married.
92
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,860
Well, chin up. You'll find that right
girl someday.
93
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:21,080
Mr. Sweeney, it was your classroom that
exploded.
94
00:11:21,540 --> 00:11:24,380
That's true. And the last person you saw
in your classroom before it exploded
95
00:11:24,380 --> 00:11:25,880
was... Steve Urkel.
96
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,020
Thank you.
97
00:11:29,780 --> 00:11:30,780
Your witness.
98
00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:40,090
Explosion? No, I didn't. Then you don't
really know who caused it, do you?
99
00:11:40,710 --> 00:11:42,690
No, I don't. No further questions.
100
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,890
I call Officer Carl Winslow.
101
00:11:48,350 --> 00:11:52,790
Officer Winslow, you're Steve Urkel's
next -door neighbor?
102
00:11:54,910 --> 00:11:55,910
Yes.
103
00:11:57,510 --> 00:12:01,550
And has Mr. Urkel ever caused any damage
to your home or property?
104
00:12:05,710 --> 00:12:06,710
bit but nothing major.
105
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,300
those things, Peter?
106
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,120
Well, I still have my health.
107
00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:49,660
You'll eat me.
108
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:52,860
Officer Winslow.
109
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,160
Yes, honey.
110
00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,420
You've described several of Steve's so
-called disasters.
111
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,680
Did he ever deny causing any of these
mishaps?
112
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,120
Well, no.
113
00:13:05,180 --> 00:13:08,420
So he always accepts responsibility for
his mistakes.
114
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,460
Oh, well, it's simple.
115
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:14,880
He didn't do it.
116
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,120
Objection! Calls for conclusion.
117
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,420
And makes me look bad.
118
00:13:23,180 --> 00:13:25,840
Sustained. And it's your suit that makes
you look bad.
119
00:13:29,860 --> 00:13:31,320
Thank you, Officer Winslow.
120
00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:32,980
Anytime, sweetheart.
121
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:36,760
At this time, Your Honor, the
prosecution rests.
122
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,220
After a job well done.
123
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:41,880
Is the defense ready to proceed?
124
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,480
We are.
125
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:46,320
The defense calls Stephen Q. Urkel.
126
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:55,520
MasterCard presents a new ABC Family
original... Mr.
127
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,500
Urkel. Yes, baby cake?
128
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,360
Will you please tell us what you were
doing in the lab on the day in question?
129
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,960
I was working on my project for the
state...
130
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,560
revolutionary graffiti remover.
131
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,380
I call it Tag Be Gone.
132
00:14:15,180 --> 00:14:19,180
Yes, and are any of the chemicals in
your solvent flammable? Oh, yes, yes.
133
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,700
But I'm a scientist, and I treat all my
chemicals with R -E -S -P -C -T.
134
00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:27,260
Please tell the court in your own words
exactly what happened.
135
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:32,240
Well, I was mixing a batch of salt when
our Cracker Jack janitor, Mr. Looney,
136
00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:33,059
entered the room.
137
00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:36,000
Well, we exchanged pleasantries and
rented out my...
138
00:14:40,490 --> 00:14:42,410
storage room to get a bigger, better
beaker.
139
00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:46,790
And a few moments later, I heard a loud
explosion.
140
00:14:52,270 --> 00:14:54,830
Thank you, Mr. Urkel. I don't know,
swipe my pen.
141
00:14:58,490 --> 00:15:01,150
Mr. Urkel, the explosion occurred at
your lab station.
142
00:15:01,670 --> 00:15:04,410
And cheese was found on the Bunsen
burner.
143
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:08,790
Tell the court what your favorite food
is. The food you live for. The food that
144
00:15:08,790 --> 00:15:09,790
is often found on your breath.
145
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:26,560
I think I speak for all society when I
say, you make me fat.
146
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:31,060
The defense calls Mr.
147
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:32,300
Alfred Looney.
148
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,600
Mr. Looney. Uh, that's Looney.
149
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,480
It's French.
150
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,280
I see.
151
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,180
You are the janitor here at Vanderbilt
High?
152
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:47,680
Oui.
153
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:55,040
charred lunchbox found in the rubble
that used to be the science lab.
154
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:56,760
Is it yours?
155
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,440
Yeah.
156
00:16:30,830 --> 00:16:32,130
tell us what really happened that day?
157
00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:38,970
Well, I was emptying trash and Stephen
Urkel interrupted me.
158
00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:43,690
He bugged me with a bunch of stupid
questions about mops.
159
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:47,590
Cotton, sponge, who cares?
160
00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:57,790
Finally, he went in the storage room and
I decided to heat my sandwich
161
00:16:57,790 --> 00:17:02,720
on his Bunsen burner. Oh. So you blew up
the science lab. No, no, no.
162
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:07,819
Just as my cheese started to melt, my
beeper went off.
163
00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:09,540
It was an emergency.
164
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,200
Roadkill in the parking lot.
165
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:18,380
So I tossed the sandwich back in my
lunchbox and skedaddled.
166
00:17:18,819 --> 00:17:22,319
A couple minutes later, the dad -blamed
place exploded.
167
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,820
But I swear the lab was fine when I
left.
168
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,340
Sir, why didn't you come forward with
this information?
169
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:41,740
I was afraid if I got in trouble, they
wouldn't let me be in the school play.
170
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,140
I'm Billy Bigelow in Carousel.
171
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:52,000
My boy Bill will be strong and as tall
as a tree.
172
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,200
No questions for the singing janitor.
173
00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:29,360
Get a haircut.
174
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,540
The defense calls its final witness.
175
00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:41,160
Dexter Thornhill.
176
00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:48,110
you've won second place in the annual
science fair.
177
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:50,190
Who took first place?
178
00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:52,170
Yuckel.
179
00:18:53,410 --> 00:19:00,250
Yuckel. You don't like Steve Urkel, do
you? No, I don't. In fact, you hate him,
180
00:19:00,290 --> 00:19:01,290
don't you? That's right.
181
00:19:02,210 --> 00:19:05,730
Enough to blow up the science lab
yourself and frame him for it?
182
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:17,760
Here's what really occurred that tragic
day.
183
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,320
Steve was in the storage room when Mr.
Looney was called away.
184
00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:24,440
That's when you entered the scene.
185
00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:40,520
You added explosive chemicals to
186
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,660
Steve's beaker and turned the Bunsen
burner up high.
187
00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:52,870
hightailed it out of the room, and
moments later, it exploded.
188
00:19:57,770 --> 00:20:00,130
Nice story, but it's pure fiction.
189
00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:03,710
Oh? Well, what if I told you I could
prove it?
190
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:05,790
How?
191
00:20:07,270 --> 00:20:12,130
Your Honor, this is a black light.
192
00:20:12,570 --> 00:20:14,830
It detects phosphorescent paints or
chemicals.
193
00:20:15,150 --> 00:20:16,150
Lights, please.
194
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,040
Laura, what's the relevance here?
195
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:21,340
Simply this.
196
00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:27,460
The explosive chemicals in Steve's
graffiti solvent are phosphorescent.
197
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:31,780
they come in contact with human skin,
traces remain detectable for several
198
00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:34,780
Mr. Thornhill, show me your hands.
199
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:39,400
Light, please.
200
00:20:48,650 --> 00:20:50,110
in last year's science fair. Me.
201
00:20:50,690 --> 00:20:53,810
I'm tired of studying until four in the
morning while Urkel does glasses at a
202
00:20:53,810 --> 00:20:54,809
page and gets A's.
203
00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:55,810
How does he do it?
204
00:20:56,430 --> 00:20:57,430
Start you, Urkel.
205
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:58,690
Start you to hack.
206
00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:10,110
Your Honor, in light of this dramatic
development, I ask that all charges
207
00:21:10,110 --> 00:21:11,150
against Steve be dropped.
208
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:13,310
Case dismissed.
209
00:21:28,550 --> 00:21:29,550
It's coming.
210
00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:33,830
Kyle XY returns Monday, June 11th with
an all -new season.
211
00:21:34,330 --> 00:21:35,330
And tomorrow.
212
00:21:35,550 --> 00:21:38,990
You can find out if those dreams that
you're having are real. An astonishing
213
00:21:38,990 --> 00:21:40,270
clue. It's you.
214
00:21:41,270 --> 00:21:42,270
1985.
215
00:21:42,610 --> 00:21:44,290
Leads to a forbidden place.
216
00:21:44,750 --> 00:21:47,250
In just three weeks, the all -new
season.
16372
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