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1
00:00:02,060 --> 00:00:06,740
What do you want, Steve?
2
00:00:07,420 --> 00:00:10,920
Well, I have bad news, my love.
3
00:00:12,820 --> 00:00:13,820
Well, what is it?
4
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:19,020
Well, you may want to sit down for this.
My news is deeply upsetting, so you
5
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,020
must be strong.
6
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:21,620
I'll try.
7
00:00:22,580 --> 00:00:24,960
Well, you remember Myra?
8
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:26,440
Ted's cousin?
9
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,560
Yes, indeedy.
10
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,760
See, uh, she wants my bod.
11
00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:47,380
Well, Steve, I think it's great news
that a girl is interested in you. In
12
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,680
it renews my faith in miracles.
13
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,280
But, but, Laura, you don't understand.
14
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,000
Mine is all over me like a bun on a
sandwich.
15
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,120
You're kidding.
16
00:00:58,220 --> 00:01:00,100
Oh, would that I were.
17
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:05,760
She calls me cunt. She writes me love
letters. She even sends me presents.
18
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,380
even transferred into my English class.
19
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,900
Well, what's wrong with that? She
doesn't go to our school.
20
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:16,340
See what you mean.
21
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:21,100
Gee, a beautiful girl in love with you.
It's kind of like that story Beauty and
22
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,100
the Beast.
23
00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:26,860
Oh, Laura, now there's no reason I call
the girl names.
24
00:01:37,070 --> 00:01:38,070
will I choose? Sweet.
25
00:01:38,770 --> 00:01:42,590
Mama, you have no idea what it feels
like to be constantly pestered by
26
00:01:42,590 --> 00:01:44,210
you have absolutely no interest in.
27
00:01:47,970 --> 00:01:49,070
Okay, so maybe you do.
28
00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:55,170
Well, see, why are you bothering me with
this?
29
00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:59,690
Well, because I've come up with a plan
to get Myra off my back, but it will
30
00:01:59,690 --> 00:02:01,490
work if you give me five minutes of your
time.
31
00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,310
Well, what do I have to do? Marry me.
32
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,440
stuff to do. I have to put away the
tater tots.
33
00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:18,800
All right, now go.
34
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:24,120
But there's still one more thing I
haven't told you.
35
00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:26,460
Well, what is it?
36
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:32,360
Well, my Ray's physically attractive.
37
00:02:35,140 --> 00:02:39,880
She gives me smoldering looks filled
with sensuosity.
38
00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:41,400
Yo, we're slamming. Check it out.
39
00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:45,660
Two six -by -nine stickers in the door.
40
00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:47,940
Word?
41
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,800
Four 15s in the back.
42
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,000
Tape, CD player, and digital preamp.
43
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,340
Boom!
44
00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:03,060
Man, it's like having Whitney Houston
ride a shotgun.
45
00:04:05,140 --> 00:04:07,420
Yo, man, I wish I could afford something
like that.
46
00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:10,239
No problem.
47
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,980
Weasel took care of me. He can hook you
up, too.
48
00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:13,760
Oh, well, you know. Yeah.
49
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,459
I know a guy who can get stuff real
cheap, you know.
50
00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:18,220
How much are you prepared to invest?
51
00:04:21,459 --> 00:04:22,720
Well, 400 tops.
52
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:25,900
I mean, that's my entire savings from
working down at Mighty Weenie. That's
53
00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:28,480
eight months of telling people, please
talk directly into the bun.
54
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,760
All right, but too late from now, I'm
going to get you a serious stereo, you
55
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:33,760
know what I'm saying?
56
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:36,100
Guaranteed, all the fly girls are going
to be all over you. All right.
57
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:54,900
Oh, sure. Come on in.
58
00:04:57,260 --> 00:04:59,940
Can I take your coat? Oh, no, thank you.
This won't take long.
59
00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:01,220
Oh.
60
00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:02,600
So what's on your mind?
61
00:05:03,140 --> 00:05:04,140
Steve Urkel.
62
00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:06,460
The man I love.
63
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:12,360
The man you love?
64
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:13,960
That's right.
65
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:17,740
He's bright, he's witty, and he's so
handsome.
66
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:37,380
I've ever met. And I think high
intelligence is very, very sexy.
67
00:05:39,260 --> 00:05:43,000
You think Steve is sexy?
68
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,200
He stokes my furnace.
69
00:05:50,460 --> 00:05:52,000
Oh, you really got it bad.
70
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:58,940
Laura, I've explained to Steven that I'm
more than willing to be his love toy.
71
00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:03,020
But all he ever does is...
72
00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:04,600
on and on about you.
73
00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:06,120
Uh, Myra... Release him.
74
00:06:06,420 --> 00:06:08,540
Undo that voodoo that you do so well.
75
00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:17,060
Myra, I have no designs on Steve. In
fact, I'm willing to do anything to help
76
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:18,060
you get him.
77
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:19,820
Really? Really.
78
00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,360
Could you move to Texas?
79
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:30,440
Hello. This car is mighty spiffy.
80
00:06:30,740 --> 00:06:31,740
Ah, thanks, Steve.
81
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:36,540
And not only does she have eye appeal,
she also has ear appeal.
82
00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:37,780
Oh, come again?
83
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,440
Wow,
84
00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:48,740
it's been a new stereo?
85
00:06:49,260 --> 00:06:53,200
Stereo. This is no mere stereo, Steve.
This is a master blast.
86
00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:55,540
Oh, I mean, you're my favorite radio
station.
87
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:56,820
W -I -D -A.
88
00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:37,270
four tiers and two 100 -watt power amps.
89
00:07:37,530 --> 00:07:39,650
Wow. You'll be deaf by summer.
90
00:07:39,890 --> 00:07:44,010
Where'd you get this great stuff?
91
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,350
Oh, look, Weasel's friend got it for me.
He gave me a great deal.
92
00:07:46,870 --> 00:07:50,350
Oh? Yeah. This is almost $3 ,000 worth
of equipment.
93
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:53,190
But I only paid $400 for it, including
installation.
94
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:06,210
figure the guy gets everything wholesale
easy buys in bulk i don't know or
95
00:08:06,210 --> 00:08:12,930
perhaps it was left by the stereo fairy
what
96
00:08:12,930 --> 00:08:18,890
are you trying to say steve uh -huh
figures what
97
00:08:18,890 --> 00:08:23,310
obviously weasel's friend didn't want to
burden you with excessive paperwork
98
00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:26,050
because all the serial numbers have been
scraped off
99
00:08:49,210 --> 00:08:51,310
Hey, that's my main dad dude.
100
00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:55,350
Uh -oh.
101
00:08:55,510 --> 00:08:56,870
Report card time again?
102
00:08:58,150 --> 00:09:01,710
No, just being cool. Oh. Just being me.
Mm -hmm.
103
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:07,630
Actually,
104
00:09:08,270 --> 00:09:12,150
I could use a little advice on a
hypothetical, fictitious thing that
105
00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:13,150
happened.
106
00:09:14,550 --> 00:09:15,950
Oh, I see.
107
00:09:16,270 --> 00:09:17,249
Go right ahead.
108
00:09:17,250 --> 00:09:18,370
Oh, okay. Okay.
109
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,000
All right.
110
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:27,300
Let's say a guy bought something
expensive for a real low price, and
111
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,440
without warning, he finds out that the
stereo is stolen.
112
00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,500
Oh, it's a stereo.
113
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:36,320
Yeah.
114
00:09:37,540 --> 00:09:42,220
Anyhow, what should this completely
innocent and fictitious guy do?
115
00:09:47,150 --> 00:09:48,970
Edward, did you buy a stolen stereo for
your car?
116
00:09:51,890 --> 00:09:52,890
Yeah.
117
00:09:58,530 --> 00:09:59,730
Oh, son.
118
00:10:00,130 --> 00:10:03,530
Well, Dad, I didn't know. I swear it.
Well, all right, I believe you. Just
119
00:10:03,530 --> 00:10:04,189
it easy.
120
00:10:04,190 --> 00:10:05,310
Well, what should I do now?
121
00:10:05,890 --> 00:10:07,530
Well, first we have to notify the
police.
122
00:10:07,770 --> 00:10:09,530
Well, I just did. I told you.
123
00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:12,210
You're my father and a cop.
124
00:10:12,550 --> 00:10:14,690
Right. And what do we do next?
125
00:10:16,319 --> 00:10:17,840
Learn our lesson and forget about it?
126
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:20,760
Guess again.
127
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,760
You're going to tell me who you bought
it from, and I'm going to try to find
128
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,380
rightful owner. Oh, no, that's no good.
129
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:30,359
Excuse me?
130
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,560
Oh, you see, Dad, not only would I be
getting somebody in trouble, but I'd
131
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:34,560
be out of 400 bucks.
132
00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:37,860
Well, that person deserves to be in
trouble, and you should have been more
133
00:10:37,860 --> 00:10:40,260
careful with your money. But, Dad, you
don't understand. No bucks, Edward.
134
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,860
Now, that stereo is coming out of your
car and down to the police station. Oh,
135
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:48,300
come on, Dad. It took me months to earn
that money. Besides, I didn't steal the
136
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:51,440
equipment. And if I didn't buy it,
somebody else would have. Oh, now,
137
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,219
enough, Edward.
138
00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:55,040
Now, the bottom line is that stereo does
not belong to you.
139
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:59,260
It never did, and it never will. You
know, I came to you because I wanted to
140
00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:00,260
up front about this.
141
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,120
Oh, really, Mr.
142
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,000
Hypothetical Fictitious Thing That Never
Really Happened?
143
00:11:05,460 --> 00:11:07,180
Stop it.
144
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:09,680
I was hoping that you realized that I
was ripped off.
145
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:13,390
Maybe you'd have a little sympathy for
your own son and cut me a little slack.
146
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:17,530
But no, you have to go by the book, no
matter how unfair it is to me.
147
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:21,750
I wish for just once that you'd stop
being a cop and start being my dad.
148
00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:33,950
Oh, hello, Doctor.
149
00:11:34,290 --> 00:11:35,290
Is Steve there?
150
00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:38,150
Your son.
151
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,000
Oh, hi, Steve. It's Laura.
152
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:43,900
No, you're not dreaming.
153
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,540
Listen, could you grab your accordion
and come over here?
154
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:49,560
I'm kind of in the mood for a little...
I came, I saw you.
155
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:53,720
Uh,
156
00:11:56,180 --> 00:11:57,220
hello, Myra.
157
00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:01,980
Uh, Laura.
158
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:06,320
Would you care to explain what's going
on here?
159
00:12:07,980 --> 00:12:10,680
likes you, and since you like me, I knew
I could get you over here to spend time
160
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:11,680
with her.
161
00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:15,300
Why, all the sneaky underhanded tricks
to Paul.
162
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:16,860
You're good, baby.
163
00:12:19,540 --> 00:12:22,600
Steve, just spend a few minutes with
Myra. Give her a chance. You may have
164
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:23,860
something in common. You never know.
165
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,220
You look very handsome.
166
00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:51,300
Oh, thanks.
167
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:54,940
My hair's a little mussed. When Laura
called, I was rotating my cheese wheels.
168
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,300
Nice accordion. Oh, thanks.
169
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,440
Gratian Lumbacker Silver Anniversary
Model 2200?
170
00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:05,860
Why, yes.
171
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,720
You sure do know your squeeze boxes,
lady.
172
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:10,680
I should.
173
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,640
I play a little accordion myself.
174
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:22,840
10 numbers.
175
00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:36,530
Why aren't you looking at me?
176
00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:38,770
I'm not worthy of eye contact.
177
00:15:42,050 --> 00:15:43,050
Why not?
178
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:48,070
Well, last night, right here with Myra.
179
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:50,470
Yes?
180
00:15:50,830 --> 00:15:52,270
Why, I kissed her.
181
00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:56,710
I know. I peeped. But what you don't
know is...
182
00:16:06,860 --> 00:16:07,860
kissing a pretty girl.
183
00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:12,380
But Mara, I feel so wrong to be kissing
another girl.
184
00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:15,200
I want to be true to my heart.
185
00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:17,580
And my heart belongs to you.
186
00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:23,440
So are you going to break it off with
Myra? Hey, I'm no fool.
187
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,880
And we're going to the movies tonight.
188
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,640
up with Myra at the Paradise Theater.
189
00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:49,060
And while you're sitting here all alone
reading your hairdo mags, just remember,
190
00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:50,560
baby, it could have been you.
191
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,340
You want it to be you?
192
00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:57,720
Nope. Just checking.
193
00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,560
Hey,
194
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:05,099
yo, Eddie, do you think I can get lucky
with Chrissy Oliver?
195
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:06,980
Weasel, I'm dating her.
196
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,060
Exactly. That's why I'm asking you.
197
00:17:11,849 --> 00:17:13,250
then actually selling me a hot stereo.
198
00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:15,490
Hey, I told you. I didn't even know the
stuff was stolen.
199
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,270
Man, I'm shocked and appalled.
200
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:20,650
I'm in this game so that you can't even
trust the pfft over here guy.
201
00:17:22,349 --> 00:17:23,349
Shit, I've been getting a car.
202
00:17:24,730 --> 00:17:25,730
What car?
203
00:17:29,190 --> 00:17:32,350
Where's my... Where's my car?
204
00:17:33,350 --> 00:17:35,030
Where's my car?
205
00:17:35,410 --> 00:17:36,550
Do I look like I have it?
206
00:17:47,210 --> 00:17:48,970
What's the matter? My car's been stolen.
207
00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:52,370
Quick, call for backup. Put out an APB.
Get a helicopter.
208
00:17:54,250 --> 00:17:57,770
Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. We
parked it here ten minutes ago.
209
00:17:58,650 --> 00:18:00,230
Gee, it happened just that fast.
210
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,560
It's down at the precinct.
211
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,720
The guys are taking out that hot stereo.
212
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,080
That's a relief.
213
00:18:25,220 --> 00:18:26,740
Maybe I lost it on my ride.
214
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:28,479
Scared you, huh?
215
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:32,660
Worse. I felt scared, angry, and
helpless all at the same time.
216
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,080
Really?
217
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:38,740
Now, you know, I bet that's exactly how
the owner of that stereo felt when it
218
00:18:38,740 --> 00:18:39,740
got ripped off from him.
219
00:18:43,420 --> 00:18:44,420
You got me, Dad.
220
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:46,760
You don't have to hit me over the head.
221
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:49,980
Because that's what I was going to try
next.
222
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:55,400
You know, son, it's a funny thing about
hot property.
223
00:18:56,480 --> 00:19:00,020
You never think about the victim until
you become one.
224
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:02,640
Gotcha.
225
00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:06,480
Edward, I know that you think I'm too
hard on you.
226
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,320
Sometimes.
227
00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:11,580
It would be easy for me to be easy on
you.
228
00:19:12,140 --> 00:19:15,140
But believe me, I would not be doing you
a favor.
229
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:17,100
I guess.
230
00:19:18,860 --> 00:19:19,860
You know something?
231
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,960
I got to give you credit for one thing.
232
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,360
You came to me and you told me what you
did.
233
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,020
Now, I know that was tough.
234
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,760
Oh, 400 bucks, Dad.
235
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:32,460
Go.
236
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,220
Well, I guess I did learn a lesson.
237
00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:40,780
I mean, maybe that was worth more in the
long run.
238
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,120
Oh, my gosh.
239
00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:46,700
This is amazing.
240
00:19:46,940 --> 00:19:47,940
What?
241
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,940
You are growing up.
18163
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