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1
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Oh, I miss you, my pet.
2
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Erica, want to sign my petition?
3
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:28,280
Oh, sure. What's it for?
4
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,140
To make the school mascot a bulldog.
5
00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:34,280
But, Bulldog, the school only has a
mascot. It's a muskrat.
6
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:35,840
Not anymore.
7
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I forgot to feed it.
8
00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:59,540
Well, lucky, lucky, lucky, if it isn't
my cookie.
9
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:08,940
Steve, what is that smell?
10
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It's my new Swiss cologne. It's
called...
11
00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:19,380
What do you want, Steve?
12
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Well, if you're not busy tomorrow night,
why don't you and I read a movie?
13
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:28,500
Well, turn down the lights and engage in
a little lip wrestling.
14
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I can't. I'm going out with Ted Curran.
15
00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:36,020
I can't?
16
00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:37,420
But why?
17
00:01:38,740 --> 00:01:42,380
Well, he's good -looking, a varsity
athlete, and the most popular guy in
18
00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:45,100
Yeah, but take all that away, and what
have you got?
19
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:07,420
It's a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper
20
00:02:07,420 --> 00:02:14,120
page. A love and tradition of the grand
design, some people say it's even harder
21
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,120
to find.
22
00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:21,920
Well then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.
23
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Cause all I see is a tower of dreams,
real love bursting out of every scene.
24
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It's the bigger love of the family.
25
00:02:52,490 --> 00:02:55,930
Howdy. I have a little indigestion. Did
you do something different to the pot
26
00:02:55,930 --> 00:02:56,930
roast?
27
00:02:57,250 --> 00:02:58,390
Carl, it was meatloaf.
28
00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:01,870
Now, there you go. That's different.
29
00:03:05,230 --> 00:03:06,230
So long, you two.
30
00:03:06,290 --> 00:03:07,290
Where are you headed?
31
00:03:07,390 --> 00:03:10,610
To the mall. And Rachel's going to help
me pick out an outfit for my date with
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Ted.
33
00:03:12,590 --> 00:03:13,590
Oh, Lord.
34
00:03:15,490 --> 00:03:16,490
What?
35
00:03:16,910 --> 00:03:21,490
Well, Rachel, my daughter is an innocent
young lady, and I really don't want her
36
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to dress like you.
37
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Don't worry.
38
00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:28,250
I'll be there to advise.
39
00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:29,910
Oh, Lord.
40
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:41,079
What's that?
41
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,960
Eddie's up to no good. He's done
something wrong and he's not telling us.
42
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,320
How do you know?
43
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,460
He's been nice to me.
44
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:49,940
Well, let's just see what he's up to.
45
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,280
Edward!
46
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:55,900
Kitchen! Now!
47
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,800
Try a little good cop, bad cop.
48
00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:00,780
I'll be the bad cop.
49
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:02,920
Of course.
50
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,080
What is it, Dad? Sit down.
51
00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:14,740
What do I do, Mom?
52
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:16,159
I don't know, honey.
53
00:04:16,459 --> 00:04:19,899
But your dad is in one of his moods. So
if I were you, I'd tell the truth.
54
00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:21,839
Okay.
55
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:23,880
What's the matter, Dad?
56
00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:25,260
What's the matter?
57
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:26,680
What's the matter?
58
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:32,220
You sit there with your bare face
hanging out and have the nerve to ask me
59
00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:33,400
what's the matter?
60
00:04:34,420 --> 00:04:35,420
Oh,
61
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,460
Carl, take it easy. He's just a kid.
62
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,080
A scared kid.
63
00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:42,060
Candy.
64
00:04:45,260 --> 00:04:46,260
Talk to me. Sing.
65
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,660
Well, I mean, there's nothing to talk
about.
66
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,200
Hardly.
67
00:04:51,740 --> 00:04:52,740
Hardly?
68
00:04:53,420 --> 00:04:57,060
Hardly? Well, I mean, there is that tiny
little thing that happened at school,
69
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,120
but I mean... Uh -huh.
70
00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:00,780
Mm -hmm. You call what you did tiny?
71
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,160
No, sir. Not really, sir, but I mean, I
only played hooky twice.
72
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:05,880
You hear this, Harriet?
73
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,780
Our son played hooky.
74
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:11,420
Well, Dad, me and a bunch of the guys
had a chance to watch practice down at
75
00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:13,810
Soldier Field. Mm -hmm. The Bears? the
cheerleaders.
76
00:05:14,150 --> 00:05:15,150
Well,
77
00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:18,450
what you did, son, is a very serious
offense.
78
00:05:18,770 --> 00:05:19,830
And did you take pictures?
79
00:05:21,810 --> 00:05:27,530
Edward, there is no excuse for your
behavior. Now go to your room. Your
80
00:05:27,530 --> 00:05:28,710
and I will decide the proper punishment.
81
00:05:29,050 --> 00:05:30,050
Yes, sir.
82
00:05:33,970 --> 00:05:35,950
Will you please tell me how you found
out?
83
00:05:37,890 --> 00:05:40,470
Let's just say somebody that you know
has a big mouth.
84
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,000
who it is, I'm going to kill him.
85
00:06:00,580 --> 00:06:01,580
All right, Waldo.
86
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,320
Well, what are you doing?
87
00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:05,620
I'm sick and dead to all these posters.
88
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:06,920
Look at all this clutter.
89
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:08,880
Yeah, and here's where they're on site.
90
00:06:09,380 --> 00:06:11,340
Darn tootin'. That's why I'm putting up
these.
91
00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:19,140
100 of these babies and people will get
the point.
92
00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:28,340
Come
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00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:37,320
on,
94
00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:39,520
man. Tell us. What happened on your date
with Laura?
95
00:06:39,860 --> 00:06:42,460
Nothing. Just had a good time. That's
all. Yeah, right.
96
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:54,570
Girl, four times now. You've got to be
going back for something. Yo, yo, yo,
97
00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:55,570
come on, guys. Chill.
98
00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:59,310
Alex, I think he's holding out on us.
What's up with that? I can only think of
99
00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:00,310
one reason.
100
00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:05,270
He's striking out. Oh, whoa. I'm the Ted
man. I do not strike out. So, in other
101
00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:06,290
words, you're saying he scored, right?
102
00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:08,130
Grow up.
103
00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:09,669
He scored!
104
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I knew he scored!
105
00:07:12,810 --> 00:07:15,410
Take it back.
106
00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:16,770
Take what back?
107
00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:31,560
Get lost, Urkel.
108
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,220
Yeah,
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00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:36,620
well, something did happen.
110
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,850
I don't believe this. Oh, then maybe
you'll believe this one.
111
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,930
Urkel, how many of those do you have?
112
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I don't know.
113
00:08:01,170 --> 00:08:02,170
Let's see.
114
00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:10,160
bad news, and I'm not sure how to break
it to you.
115
00:10:10,820 --> 00:10:11,820
Well, just tell me.
116
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:13,960
All right.
117
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:20,600
Well, Ted told some of his friends that
when he went out with you, he had a
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really good time.
119
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,860
Well, that's nice. I had a really good
time, too.
120
00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:27,080
No, no, no. You don't understand.
121
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,920
He said he had a really, really...
122
00:10:38,570 --> 00:10:40,110
mistake, Laura. She said he got lucky.
123
00:10:40,690 --> 00:10:42,450
Did the old yum -yum -bouncy -bouncy.
124
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My whore is not a poker.
125
00:10:49,330 --> 00:10:50,330
What?
126
00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:51,569
You're lying.
127
00:10:51,570 --> 00:10:52,610
No, ma 'am.
128
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:58,510
Now, Steve, I know your jealousy has
made you do some truly annoying things
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00:10:58,510 --> 00:11:00,250
before, but this is way past annoying.
130
00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:01,450
This is cruel.
131
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,170
But, Laura, I'm not even saying it.
132
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:04,650
Stop it, okay?
133
00:11:05,350 --> 00:11:08,430
Now, Steve, you always tried to be my
boyfriend, but if you're
134
00:11:20,689 --> 00:11:21,689
Hello?
135
00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:30,230
Yes, this is Laura. Who's this?
136
00:11:31,930 --> 00:11:32,930
Jason.
137
00:11:34,150 --> 00:11:35,150
Jason Sanders?
138
00:11:53,740 --> 00:11:54,740
What's wrong?
139
00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:10,360
You listen to me. You are a disgusting,
perverted lowlife. And I hope that
140
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,720
whatever rock you crawled out from under
falls on your head and your brain
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00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:14,940
squished out through your nose.
142
00:12:30,410 --> 00:12:32,050
I can't repeat it, but it was filthy.
143
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,730
I was afraid this was going to happen.
144
00:12:37,530 --> 00:12:38,530
What do you mean?
145
00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:41,870
Laura, there's some rumors going around
school about you.
146
00:12:42,950 --> 00:12:46,330
Rumors? Well, actually, it's just one
rumor.
147
00:12:46,650 --> 00:12:47,850
But it's a doozy.
148
00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:51,010
Wait a minute.
149
00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:53,410
Does this rumor have anything to do with
me and Ted?
150
00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:54,850
Yeah.
151
00:12:55,410 --> 00:12:58,210
Everybody says that you guys did it.
152
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:00,310
What?
153
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,040
I was really upset.
154
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:03,400
Thank you, Max.
155
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:04,740
Then why didn't you tell me first?
156
00:13:07,060 --> 00:13:08,600
Max, it's a lie. It didn't happen.
157
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,240
I knew that.
158
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:15,560
Steve told me that Ted was bragging to
his friends, but I didn't believe him.
159
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,240
Wait a minute.
160
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:20,580
Maybe this rumor hasn't spread as much
as I think.
161
00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:22,060
Who told you, Max?
162
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:23,960
The basketball team.
163
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:44,320
It's nothing like a long, grist walk to
get the old heart popping.
164
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:45,960
Hey, Laura.
165
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:49,720
Laura, are you crying?
166
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:51,360
No.
167
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,540
Rachel, I think it's mother -daughter
time. Oh, sure, sis. I'll just go up and
168
00:13:55,540 --> 00:13:56,700
read Richie a bedtime story.
169
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:58,700
Hope he doesn't mind if I wake him up.
170
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:08,180
Honey, what's the matter?
171
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:11,930
fine.
172
00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:15,570
Except my life is over.
173
00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:18,210
Can't be that bad.
174
00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:19,550
Yes, it is.
175
00:14:21,210 --> 00:14:24,710
I just found out the first guy I ever
really cared about is a creep.
176
00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:27,310
Tell him what he do.
177
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:31,590
He told his friends that we did the
horizontal poker.
178
00:14:34,570 --> 00:14:36,150
Is that what I think it is?
179
00:14:37,790 --> 00:14:38,790
Yeah.
180
00:14:39,150 --> 00:14:40,150
I see.
181
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,870
Laura, did you have sex with Ted?
182
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:46,890
No.
183
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:56,950
I mean, I thought about it, but
184
00:14:56,950 --> 00:14:59,150
I'm just not ready for that yet.
185
00:15:00,590 --> 00:15:01,590
Good, Laura.
186
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:03,150
Very good.
187
00:15:03,850 --> 00:15:04,990
You did a good thing.
188
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:09,830
What am I going to do, Mom?
189
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,050
Rules about me are flying off.
190
00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:15,930
Well, the first thing tomorrow, your
father and I are going to call Ted's
191
00:15:15,930 --> 00:15:17,910
parents. That won't do any good.
192
00:15:18,190 --> 00:15:20,130
They'll just ask Ted and he'll deny it.
193
00:15:21,870 --> 00:15:24,910
And the whole school will go right on
thinking that I'm easy.
194
00:15:25,530 --> 00:15:28,810
Honey, people that know you're not going
to believe a vicious lie like that. Why
195
00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:29,810
not?
196
00:15:29,870 --> 00:15:32,890
Well, the truth is when I heard rumors
about people, I believed them.
197
00:15:35,170 --> 00:15:37,850
I sure feel different now that the rumor
is about me.
198
00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:40,150
Well, you see, that's the problem with
rumors.
199
00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:43,840
You know, they don't have to be true.
People will believe them as long as
200
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:44,840
they're juicy.
201
00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:51,200
Well, I just feel so helpless.
202
00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:53,960
Don't worry, honey. We're going to fight
back.
203
00:15:55,940 --> 00:15:57,100
Fight back? That's right.
204
00:15:57,340 --> 00:15:59,220
There's a solution to every problem.
205
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:00,980
That's the easy part.
206
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:02,720
Well, what's the hard part?
207
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,560
Figuring out what the solution is.
208
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,320
and I'm the good cop, right? Shut up,
Steve. You're getting on my nerves.
209
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,040
Oh, you're good.
210
00:16:24,780 --> 00:16:25,780
Hey,
211
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,200
man, what's your problem?
212
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:35,900
You're my problem. And this is your
problem. Hey, hey, Anno, Anno, Anno,
213
00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:38,080
Relax, Anno. What did I do?
214
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,840
I don't know, Teddy, but the E -man here
is in one of his moods.
215
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,860
So if I were you, I'd tell the truth.
216
00:16:44,780 --> 00:16:45,780
Okay, okay.
217
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:48,180
What's the matter, Eddie?
218
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:50,440
What's the matter?
219
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:52,020
What's the matter?
220
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:56,600
You stand there with your bare face
hanging out and you have the nerve to
221
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:57,700
what's the matter?
222
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:03,340
Now, now, now, take it easy, Eddo. He's
just a kid. A scared kid.
223
00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:06,660
Gum?
224
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:09,640
No, thanks.
225
00:17:09,859 --> 00:17:10,859
Why's he so mad?
226
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,240
Well, he's irked.
227
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,400
Upset. Perturbed.
228
00:17:16,650 --> 00:17:17,169
About what?
229
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,170
Oh, I don't know, Ted.
230
00:17:18,450 --> 00:17:21,750
Could it possibly have something to do
with the rumors that you and your algae
231
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:24,089
-sucking friends here have been
spreading about my sister?
232
00:17:25,230 --> 00:17:27,410
Hey, Ted, you gonna let him insult us
like that?
233
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:29,830
Yeah.
234
00:17:31,730 --> 00:17:32,830
Just ask her. Go ahead.
235
00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:36,050
As soon as you like to talk, Ted.
236
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,030
So talk to me.
237
00:17:38,870 --> 00:17:40,930
Tell me what happened on your date with
Laura.
238
00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:44,030
Uh...
239
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,240
We went to the movies.
240
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:47,680
We grabbed something to eat.
241
00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:49,960
And then I took her home.
242
00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:52,660
Oh, that's it?
243
00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:55,880
You mean you didn't score with her?
244
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,240
No, I didn't score.
245
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:03,320
Yes, you did. You told us. We were
standing right here. Shut up.
246
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,920
Look, Eddie, I never said I scored, man.
247
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,240
But I might have let him think I did.
248
00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:12,220
So the truth is...
249
00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:15,690
That nothing happened on your date with
Laura, right?
250
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:18,130
Nothing.
251
00:18:20,290 --> 00:18:22,430
One kiss. I kept my eyes open.
252
00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:30,010
Ted, you do realize that according to
the unofficial code of the Big Brothers,
253
00:18:30,130 --> 00:18:32,790
that I should expose you and your
friends' vital organs to daylight?
254
00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:38,010
True, but that code is unofficial.
255
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:56,889
you like me too.
256
00:18:56,890 --> 00:18:57,789
I do.
257
00:18:57,790 --> 00:18:59,530
Then how could you hurt me like this?
258
00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:02,490
Just so you could look good in front of
your friends?
259
00:19:03,570 --> 00:19:04,570
I'm sorry, Laura.
260
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:08,730
Look, I know it's asking a lot, but can
we wipe the slate clean?
261
00:19:09,210 --> 00:19:10,209
Start over?
262
00:19:10,210 --> 00:19:11,210
No way.
263
00:19:13,870 --> 00:19:14,870
I don't know, Ted.
264
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:16,230
She doesn't know, Ted.
265
00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:19,950
I have to think about it. She has to
think about it.
266
00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:24,590
But it'll be real hard for me to forgive
the fact that you boosted your rep by
267
00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:25,590
ruining mine.
268
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,240
handle this conversation myself, okay?
269
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,960
She'll handle this conversation herself,
okay?
270
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,780
Laura, I feel real bad about this.
271
00:19:43,980 --> 00:19:47,960
I can't believe I wanted to impress
these dorks. Hey, Ted, you calling us
272
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,180
Yes. Just ask and go ahead.
273
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,780
Laura, I really care about you.
274
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,060
And I don't care how long it takes, but
I'm gonna find a way to make it up to
275
00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:00,060
you.
276
00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:07,060
How we do, Laura?
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00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,200
Hey, Mom and Dad will be real proud.
278
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,240
Thanks,
279
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:13,300
Eddie. You're a terrific big brother.
280
00:20:16,980 --> 00:20:18,080
And Steve, yes.
281
00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:41,140
tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen.
282
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,300
And then you helped me get out of this
mess.
283
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:46,780
I really appreciate what a good friend
you are.
284
00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:48,820
Want to get married?
285
00:20:51,980 --> 00:20:54,000
Steve, I'm only 15 years old.
286
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,300
Aye, true, true, but I've done a little
research.
287
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,400
In some areas of the country, the
minimum marriage age is 14.
288
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:03,160
And on the tiny island of Duplonia,
well, they don't even have a minimum
289
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,520
marriage age. All you have to do is own
a pig.
20969
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