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1
00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:03,940
Slotted you again.
2
00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:06,040
I'm gonna hit three games to two.
3
00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:10,200
I want a rematch. Hey, wait a minute.
You said I could play the winner.
4
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:11,319
You can.
5
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,960
It's the best 51 out of 100.
6
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:20,840
All right, that's enough. Everybody up
to bed.
7
00:00:21,340 --> 00:00:22,480
Just one more game.
8
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:24,100
No, it's a waste of time.
9
00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:27,260
Yeah, you should all go read a book.
It'll improve your mind.
10
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,960
Hey, someday you'll fake me.
11
00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:34,720
I thought they'd never leave.
12
00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:54,280
It's a rare condition this day and age
to read any good news on the newspaper
13
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,380
page. And love and tradition.
14
00:00:56,970 --> 00:01:01,730
Of the grand design, some people say
it's even harder to find.
15
00:01:02,810 --> 00:01:08,770
Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.
16
00:01:10,010 --> 00:01:17,010
Because all I see is a tower of dreams,
real love bursting out of every scene.
17
00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:25,110
We're going to fill our house with
happiness.
18
00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:32,500
But we'll smother the blues with
tenderness.
19
00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:39,140
There's room for you, room for me.
20
00:01:39,380 --> 00:01:41,820
The gentle heart's an opportunity.
21
00:01:57,740 --> 00:02:04,680
ABC Family Programming is brought to
you... Now,
22
00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:10,880
son, all you do is factor out your
polynomial, which leaves you with X plus
23
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:17,360
plus 3X, which means X equals 25,
24
00:02:17,740 --> 00:02:18,740
right?
25
00:02:22,020 --> 00:02:23,700
See how much fun I was a -brickin' B?
26
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,040
Yeah.
27
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,320
It's amazing this much fun is legal.
28
00:02:30,420 --> 00:02:31,760
What is wrong with this chair?
29
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,420
Mom, I'm way behind in history. I've got
to pull another lighter.
30
00:02:37,860 --> 00:02:40,100
Fine, as long as you're in bed by ten.
31
00:02:42,420 --> 00:02:44,400
Edward, why is your father under the
table?
32
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,220
Harriet, this chair is wobbly.
33
00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:51,780
I know what you're thinking, Carl, but
just call the shop and get it fixed.
34
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,960
Harriet, I can do this. All I gotta do
is even out the legs.
35
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,640
I guess that means we're gonna get a new
kitchen set.
36
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:02,920
Well, thank you for your overwhelming
vote of confidence in me.
37
00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:05,860
Come on, Edward, let's get back to work.
Dad, I'm tired.
38
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,280
How about tomorrow?
39
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,300
Oh, I guess we can knock it off.
40
00:03:09,820 --> 00:03:11,820
Well, you got algebra down cold anyway.
41
00:03:12,980 --> 00:03:14,140
Good night, Einstein.
42
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:17,960
Good night, Professor.
43
00:03:23,310 --> 00:03:26,090
needs to see on my midterm exam, I'm
gonna flunk algebra.
44
00:03:27,050 --> 00:03:28,710
I thought Dad was a math whiz.
45
00:03:28,970 --> 00:03:29,869
He is.
46
00:03:29,870 --> 00:03:32,630
Then what's the problem? I'm the one
who's taking the test.
47
00:03:33,690 --> 00:03:34,770
Yes, you're out of luck.
48
00:03:35,970 --> 00:03:38,950
Laura, if I flunk, Mom and Dad won't let
me go to the Prince concert.
49
00:03:39,750 --> 00:03:42,570
You gotta help me. I haven't had algebra
yet.
50
00:03:43,110 --> 00:03:45,090
There's only one person who can help me
now.
51
00:03:46,030 --> 00:03:47,030
Steve Urkel.
52
00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:48,790
Urkel?
53
00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:51,930
I'd rather eat worms.
54
00:03:54,510 --> 00:03:55,510
He can teach you that, too.
55
00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:07,510
Rachel, I don't want to hurt your
feelings, but that log cabin is pitiful.
56
00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:14,410
Hi, everybody.
57
00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:15,670
Hi, honey.
58
00:04:16,329 --> 00:04:20,209
Steve, did it ever occur to you that
when the door is closed, we're trying to
59
00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:21,589
keep unwanted people out?
60
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:23,960
Well, I'd better lock it then.
61
00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:29,700
He's such a thoughtful child.
62
00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:32,220
Thanks, Bill.
63
00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:35,580
Laura's not here.
64
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,100
Well, actually, it was Eddie who asked
me to stop by.
65
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,380
You're kidding.
66
00:05:04,810 --> 00:05:05,749
Thank goodness you're here.
67
00:05:05,750 --> 00:05:07,670
I'm flunking algebra and I need you to
tutor me.
68
00:05:08,030 --> 00:05:10,330
Well, this is my busy season.
69
00:05:10,550 --> 00:05:12,770
I'm trying to teach the football team
fractions.
70
00:05:15,130 --> 00:05:16,130
Steve, I'm desperate.
71
00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:18,850
If you don't help me, I can't go to the
Prince concert.
72
00:05:19,510 --> 00:05:20,530
Check out these seats.
73
00:05:22,330 --> 00:05:23,330
Third row.
74
00:05:23,450 --> 00:05:25,310
Wow, you could get sweated on.
75
00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:27,710
Will you tutor me?
76
00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:29,170
I'll give you anything you want.
77
00:05:29,970 --> 00:05:30,970
Really?
78
00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:32,650
Maybe we can work something out.
79
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:45,680
help you need.
80
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:51,620
Okay, first question. What do you get
when you multiply a negative by a
81
00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:52,620
negative?
82
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,860
A really big negative?
83
00:05:56,820 --> 00:05:57,820
Uh -oh.
84
00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:01,260
Second question.
85
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,520
Three times X equals six.
86
00:06:05,260 --> 00:06:07,000
What is the value of X?
87
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,300
I know this one.
88
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,060
It's either a number or a letter.
89
00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:35,350
that you owe me a favor.
90
00:06:36,010 --> 00:06:40,770
In the meantime, I'll just take these as
collateral.
91
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:49,790
I would like to propose a toast to the
most brilliant children in Chicago.
92
00:06:50,150 --> 00:06:53,450
You all did great on your midterms.
We're very proud of you. You're here.
93
00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:18,130
Round and child.
94
00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:20,290
Eddie, can we speak privately?
95
00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:21,930
Sure.
96
00:07:22,070 --> 00:07:23,070
Excuse us for a minute.
97
00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:25,290
Come on, old buddy.
98
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,360
What's your second choice?
99
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,520
There is no second choice.
100
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,080
But it's to be reasonable.
101
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:59,680
I want Laura on a date this Friday
night.
102
00:08:05,140 --> 00:08:09,380
Tonight, forget everything you think you
know. Laura,
103
00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:13,820
I've been thinking.
104
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:16,980
You know who's really a great guy once
you get to know him?
105
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,440
I have a lot in common.
106
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,360
If I believe that, there'll be no reason
to go on.
107
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:37,080
Laura, Steve was a great tutor, but now
I owe him big.
108
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,600
How big?
109
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:41,740
I promised him a date with you.
110
00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:43,460
Really?
111
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,600
Are you out of your mind?
112
00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:51,340
I'm a heart.
113
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:55,600
A couple of measly hours of your time
can make his dreams come true.
114
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,300
go back on my word. Well, you should
have promised him something you could
115
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:05,500
deliver, like a ride on a space shuttle.
116
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,220
Laura, Laura, listen to me, please.
117
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:18,800
It's finished.
118
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:24,460
I took this baby apart and re -glued
every joint, and now this chair is
119
00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:31,190
Now it's a recliner.
120
00:09:34,710 --> 00:09:41,370
Can I ask you guys a quick... Can I ask
you guys a question?
121
00:09:42,550 --> 00:09:45,870
Did you ever go out with someone just
because you felt sorry for them?
122
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:48,210
Shoot. How do you think I met your dad?
123
00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:54,610
Remember when I went out with Clarence
and Bibby?
124
00:09:55,210 --> 00:09:56,210
Do I ever.
125
00:09:56,689 --> 00:10:00,010
Everything that boy ever ate in his life
was stuffed to his hush puppies.
126
00:10:00,490 --> 00:10:04,170
I know that you were the hush puppy
type. Oh, it was a mercy day.
127
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:07,070
He was hopelessly in love with me. One
of many.
128
00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:11,630
So, Laura, honey, who's the loser in
your life?
129
00:10:12,450 --> 00:10:13,450
Names aren't important.
130
00:10:13,850 --> 00:10:17,030
Let's just say he's a world -class nerd
with no redeeming qualities.
131
00:10:18,090 --> 00:10:21,750
Sounds like Steve Urkel. It is.
132
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,480
on a mercy date, that's a Lord have
mercy date.
133
00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:29,740
Mercy date?
134
00:10:29,820 --> 00:10:34,360
Steve is a fine young man. If I was a
few years younger, I'd give you a run
135
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:35,360
your money.
136
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:36,600
You want a head start?
137
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,180
I could persuade you to change your mind
about Friday night.
138
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:24,400
I can't believe I'm saying this, but...
I'll...
139
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:29,740
I'll go with you.
140
00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:32,140
Wow!
141
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,520
This new cologne must really work!
142
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,700
Laura, you're the bravest sister a guy
ever had.
143
00:11:47,850 --> 00:11:49,770
anywhere until the ground was
restrained.
144
00:11:49,990 --> 00:11:52,310
First of all, this is not a real date.
145
00:11:52,550 --> 00:11:53,870
It's a non -date.
146
00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:58,570
Second, no one must ever know about this
non -date.
147
00:11:59,910 --> 00:12:04,970
Third, if you touch me at any time, the
non -date is over.
148
00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:07,090
What if you trip or something?
149
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:08,570
Just let me fall.
150
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,550
The rest of the rules are covered in
this contract.
151
00:12:17,260 --> 00:12:20,620
Oh, Julie, who does these things?
They're disgusting.
152
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:23,720
Where do I sign?
153
00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:37,660
Carl,
154
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:42,340
it's taken you forever to finish that
chair.
155
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:45,780
Well, Harriet, do you want this fast or
do you want it good?
156
00:12:47,790 --> 00:12:48,910
I got a shot either way.
157
00:12:53,470 --> 00:12:54,470
Laura?
158
00:12:56,090 --> 00:12:57,090
Laura.
159
00:12:58,050 --> 00:12:59,510
Don, you recognized me.
160
00:13:00,150 --> 00:13:02,270
Well, it was either you or the Phantom
of the Opera.
161
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,500
Right this way, please. Don't put us
near the kitchen or the bathroom, okay?
162
00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:51,940
Oui, Monsieur Hercule.
163
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,460
I hate the sound of flushing while I'm
eating.
164
00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:57,340
Don't you, my pet?
165
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:18,380
Monsieur, bon appétit.
166
00:15:22,060 --> 00:15:23,920
Nerd alert, table 12.
167
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,120
This place is perfect.
168
00:15:27,340 --> 00:15:28,720
Nobody we know would ever come here.
169
00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:31,660
Right. It'll be our special place.
170
00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:38,740
Mademoiselle. We won't be needing those.
I ordered ahead for the specialty of
171
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:39,740
the maison.
172
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:43,960
Ah, yes. Excellent choice.
173
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:50,360
Probably.
174
00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:26,890
touching, which would be a clear
violation of our contract.
175
00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:29,030
Yeah, you're right.
176
00:17:29,390 --> 00:17:30,630
What was I thinking?
177
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:34,990
Why should you lower yourself just
because it would mean the world to me?
178
00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:40,750
Oh. For you, it's just an insignificant
gesture.
179
00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:46,370
In your lifetime, you'll go out on
hundreds of dates. But for me, this
180
00:17:46,370 --> 00:17:47,390
my one and only.
181
00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:50,730
How do you like that? I peaked at 13.
182
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:56,839
Okay, Erica.
183
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,040
One kiss on the cheek.
184
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:45,840
Eva. She can't be all that big.
185
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,620
Hello, Cool J.
186
00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:49,980
Think I might love her.
187
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,040
Gabrielle Union.
188
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:17,460
I hate to say I told you so. Then don't.
189
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:21,880
Hi, Laura. How'd it go?
190
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:29,960
It was the most disgusting... It was the
most
191
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:34,760
disgusting, degrading, humiliating night
of my life.
192
00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:37,200
Oh. How was the food?
193
00:19:39,860 --> 00:19:43,660
Laura, look, I know you had a bad night,
but someday you're gonna look back at
194
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,240
this night and see how funny...
195
00:19:47,050 --> 00:19:48,050
You sit, Dad.
196
00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:54,410
But right now, all I can see is Urkel
running out of the restaurant with a
197
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:55,890
tablecloth tucked into his pants.
198
00:19:57,350 --> 00:19:58,350
He did that?
199
00:19:58,610 --> 00:20:00,110
He practically leveled the place.
200
00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:05,750
I guess it was pretty funny.
201
00:20:07,810 --> 00:20:08,810
Here are your tickets.
202
00:20:09,350 --> 00:20:10,350
Thanks, Laura.
203
00:20:11,270 --> 00:20:12,270
I've been thinking.
204
00:20:12,850 --> 00:20:14,510
Why don't you go to the concert with me?
205
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:17,680
That'll be fun.
206
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:19,900
Thanks, Betty.
207
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,540
Lauren, you did a nice thing. We're
proud of you.
208
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,340
Yeah, and look at it this way. Now that
you've gone out with Steve, he'll
209
00:20:30,340 --> 00:20:31,980
probably leave you alone for a while.
210
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,680
right now, so please leave a message at
the sound of the beep.
211
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:21,580
saw a 20 year old photograph of a man
who looked just like you that's all in
212
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:28,300
past forget everything you think you
know because nothing is what it appears
213
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:31,380
there's something i need to tell you who
is kyle
16140
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