All language subtitles for ellen_s03e01_shake_rattle_and_rubble

I don't want to go to the moon.

No, I'm not an astronaut.

I don't have any tang with me.

Great, we have liftoff.

No, Kevin Bacon's not here. He's flying
the thing, right?

This must be the part where we have the
fancy opening sequence, like when Mary

throws the hat in the air or Jed finds
the oil.

But kind of embarrassing. It's not ready
yet.

But we'll have it next week. I promise.

Cool song, huh?

Yeah.

Hello? Anyone in the hall? Ellen? Ellen,
is that you? Adam? Ellen?

Audrey?

Guess what? All the lights are out. It's
a complete blackout.

The important thing is we're all okay.
Anybody hurt?

No. Fortunately, Adam threw his powerful
body on top of me.

Anybody sick?

Ow!

Paige?

Guess what?

The power's out. There was an
earthquake.

Yes, I know. I was sprawled across the
seat of my bouncing car hanging onto the

stick shift for dear life. Hey, I didn't
know you had a date last night.

had a breakfast interview and I came to
borrow Ellen's briefcase.

I have been an underpaid assistant
forever and today was my chance to

studio executive and step on all the
people who stepped on me, but apparently

the earth has other plans. Who's
touching me?

Sorry, that was me.

The bald guy with the ponytail from down
the hall who nobody says hi to.

Everybody,

crawl low to the floor with wet towels
on your heads.

Just so I know, was this the big one?
Because if the big one's bigger than

you're all idiots for living here.

Spence? Are you six?

Yeah. Everybody, it's Spence. Who's
Spence? Spence, my cousin from out of

The one I spent all those summers with.

From New York, the doctor.

Doctor? Wait.

Stupid flashlight.

I can't believe you're here. Why didn't
you tell me you were coming?

Last minute thing, Cedars -Sinai has
courted me for this big medical

That is, MCI is courting me to switch
phone companies.

Oh, you sound like you look great.

Oh, come here. Let me give you a big
hug.

Oh, I've missed you so much.

Hey, Ella, over here.

Oh, get away from me.

And to recap, there has been an
earthquake.

It's official.

It was an earthquake.

All over the Southland, report having
experienced a rolling and a shaking. It

was a rolling and a shaking.

I'm on an emergency call.

What do you mean the studio is closed? I
have a 10 o 'clock with two shiftmen.

Well, usually this lamp is not knocked
over. And usually this picture on the

wall is straight. And usually the dishes
are clean and the bills are paid. And

the magazines on that coffee table are a
lot more sophisticated. Helen, Helen,

Helen.

Breathe.

Very good.

this protein bar among us, we might be
able to survive the week.

Oh, I think we'll survive.

Of course you'll survive, Ellen. You
have a body that stores food forever.

Mine just burns it right off.

Boy, there is nothing like a disaster to
make you realize what's really

important in life.

Oh, no.

My Star Trek commemorative plate.

The kid that used to make me eat bugs
was going to be a doctor.

Yeah. Dr.

Kovac.

Dr. Spence Kovac.

Paging Dr. Kovac.

Dr.

Kovac, we're paging you. You need to
know you are. Dr. Kovac, we're paging

Kovac. Dr. Weinstein, Dr. Weinstein, Dr.
Weinstein.

Listen, all that stuff I told you was a
lie. It was a major whopping nose

-growing lie.

I'm not here for any fellowship. I got
kicked out of my residency.

God. Oh, oh, oh, oh. You almost had me,
too, because you do that all the time.

You're so good at it. You just you tell
me a little story and I get all. Oh,

yeah. And then you're like, gotcha. And
then you get that evil grin and then you

just laugh and laugh and laugh.

And you.

You're not laughing.

Apparently, the medical faculty at the
Manhattan General felt that I failed to

handle myself in a professional manner.

You made him eat bugs, didn't you? Oh,
God.

Who the hell knows what I did? It's all
politics.

You know, you miss a hospital picnic,
punch a patient, forget to dot an I in

some report.

Hello, excuse me, pardon me. I'm not a
medical expert, but I would think that

it's that punching thing in the middle
that did it.

I spent nine hours stuffing this guy's
brain back into his head, right?

He comes back a week later whining
because I had to shave off his hair

okay?

Man's got his brain, okay?

That's good. That's good to have, Brian.
But the thing is, I mean, did you have

to... Did you have to punch him? I mean,
couldn't have just yelled at him or

just, you know, just poked him really
hard? Oh, you don't... George Clooney

punched a patient on ER. They didn't can
his butt.

See, but reality's just a little bit
different, isn't it?

Reality doesn't have pancake makeup and
pretty lightings and nurses in every

store closet.

Reality's a little bit harder to
swallow, isn't it, Mr. Clooney?

I got free time now, huh? Yeah, I can go
to Disneyland, right? I can have my

picture taken with little Mickey button
-pants mouse, huh? That'll be nice for

me. Huh?

Wow!

That's something to live for!

I don't think that's his middle name.

I'm sorry, Al.

Why am I yelling at you? I don't want to
be that guy. I'm sorry.

Come here. Come here. I'm sorry. I'm
sorry.

God, the reason I came here is because I
knew you, of all people, would know

exactly the right thing to say to make
me feel better.

So, you know, whatever that thing is,
now might be a good time to say it. I

cannot believe you're not going to be a
doctor.

That's the wrong thing. No, but I can't
believe it, though. I mean, that's what

you always wanted to be, was a doctor.

Remember when we were kids and we'd play
cowboys and Indians?

You were always the doctor? Yeah.

I mean, if you're not a doctor...

I don't know. I do not know.

All anybody ever wanted me to be was a
doctor.

Remember that one Christmas? I'm five
years old, right? What did they get me?

A stethoscope.

I remember that Christmas, yeah.

That's the Christmas I got a shirt.

Yeah. Ordered a snow cone machine.

Didn't get it. Wrote a letter to Santa
Claus and everything, but got a shirt.

Two years later, blood pressure cuff.

Again, shirt.

Then I get the chem set.

And then the biology book, the
microscope.

Shirt, shirt, vest.

You know what, Elle? You are so lucky.
Because no one ever thought you'd be

anything, you know?

Or do anything.

That is not what I meant.

You know, it's not like I've done
nothing with my life.

Haven't you heard? I own the bookstore
now. No, I just read in your mom's

newsletter that you still weren't
married.

Well, I own the bookstore. I mean, my
life is pretty darn fulfilling.

I mean, my life is one heaping plate
full of fulfillment with some, hey,

doing pretty great on the side, and to
top it off, a tall, cold glass, a job

well done, and for dessert, tapioca
pudding.

Okay, keep your eyes closed. This is by
the book. Now, keep in mind, we had an

earthquake, so there may be some books
here and there that are misplaced, but

otherwise, this is the product of the
last three years of my life.

Did I mention that we serve coffee?

I don't know. I mean, a little elbow
grease, a roll of paper towels, this

will be back together in no time.

Oh, God, it's trash. What am I going to
do? It's trash.

Okay, no, no. Happy thoughts. Happy
thoughts.

Happy thoughts.

Rainbows on roses and sleigh bells on
kittens.

We're lucky, huh?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, hold on a sec while I count my
blessings.

Zero.

Oh, my friends came to rally around me.
Thank you for coming.

Oh, you know what this is like? This is
like Jimmy Stewart's friends and it's a

wonderful life. I am like the George
Bailey of West L .A.

Thought you might need some pictures for
your insurance.

Oh, my God. This place looks like a
hurricane hit it.

and you can just help me pick up some of
these books.

And I will, but I'm going to get one
teeny tiny phone call. See, my phone's

of order, and I gave Schiffman's
assistant the number here because it's

important. I hope you don't mind. No,
no, it's important, so that's fine. The

only thing is I'm expecting my insurance
agent to call, though.

Wait, could you answer Paige Clark's
office?

Paige, it could be my insurance guy, and
he's going to think he has the wrong

number. And it's not easy to get a hold
of him in a time like this. And I'm

pretty sure I'm covered, but I'm not
positive, so I can't just answer Paige

Clark's office.

I'll patch you through to her car phone.

That's 11 years I gave to medicine. And
what did medicine give me? The old kiss

off. The old, let's just be friends.

The old, for the love of God, stop
choking the chief of medicine or we're

calling security.

Funny, isn't it, how people feel free to
open up and spill their troubles to the

coffee server?

First thing you should know about me?

I don't care.

Ellen, do you think that Adam is from
Mars and I am from Venus?

Yes, Audrey.

Yes, I do.

Okay, what is the best thing that you
could imagine happening right now?

Shipman is still gonna...

I've got your briefcase. I just need to
pick up my suit. It's a dry cleaner next

door. And then I'll be back and we
rally. I promise.

Paige.

Paige. I don't think that the dry
cleaners... The dry cleaners is not

What am I going to do? I've got to have
that suit.

I mean, isn't there something we can do?
Something we can call?

The National Guard.

Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. All that
guarding cities and saving lives is just

something they do to pass the time until
someone's clothes are in jeopardy.

Excuse me?

By the book is the name of the
bookstore.

Or the book, because the B, the first B
fell off, and so... It's good that

actually the first B fell off and not
the second B, because then it would be

the oop.

What's that? Nobody would know.

Passing by, do you need an oop? I don't
know, but they wouldn't come in.

What was the question?

Your store lies in ruin. Tell me, how do
you keep your spirits up during a

tragedy like this?

Well, Scott, I'll tell you. I think what
I try to do is think of a happy song.

And there's a song in particular that I
like to think of. Oh, darn it. What's

the name of the song?

Anyway, it's a very happy song. It has a
guitar thing.

It's from the Nine Inch Hootie. Do you
know that band?

I cannot remember the name.

And I know it's not Enya. It's not her.

Well, there you have it.

Tragedy, destruction, chaos.

Can any good come from this earthquake?

Maybe it's just the sights we've seen
all around the Southland today of

rallying around friends in times of
need.

Yep.

We'll be continuing our live coverage.

Look, there's Edward James Olmos walking
the neighborhood to raise community

spirit.

Hey!

Hey, try our earthquake special.

We can't take advantage of customers at
a time like this. That's not the kind of

place that Oi the Book is.

Paige, I know you're busy destroying my
bookstore, but could you hold this for a

second while I sweep?

Ellen, you're a life saver.

Normally you'd put that on the floor and
I'd leap into it.

You don't understand. I have got to have
that suit. That is my power suit.

Some insurance guy called, told him we
had a bad earthquake and there was a lot

of damage and this probably wasn't the
best time to call. No, Joe, I need to

talk to him. I can't believe... Okay,
no, that's all right. It wasn't your

fault. Where did I put his number?

Oh, excuse me.

Do you have the new Jackie Collins?

Yeah, I probably do, but see, the earth
tried to swallow us whole, so... Okay,

but you know...

You should really get a new name.

Uwe the Boo doesn't tell you what it is.

Not the K2. No, don't leave. Don't
leave. No, just browse a bit. I'll find

think it's right in here somewhere,
okay? Oh, thank you.

Hey,

Ellen. How's it going?

Oh, good. I'm sorry. I feel bad. I've
been a bad host. But as soon as I find

this book, we can sit down and talk
about Disneyland and plan the trip. I

make a picnic or something and show you
around Anaheim. Ellen.

Ellen. Ellen. Ellen.

Come here for a second. I'll tell you a
little story. Come here. Come here.

It's about this chicken, right?

Have a seat. Have a seat right there.
It's about this chicken who's building

this house, right?

But none of her little barnyard friends
wanted to help her. Okay, you're

thinking of Henny Penny. Well, yeah.

And they all wanted to live there,
right?

Okay, but she didn't ask them for help.
And they kept on putting their head

through the wall and taking those
pictures and pretty much ruining their

time. I'm telling a story. Here we go.

The point of what I'm...

The point of what I'm saying is that
you're letting your friends walk all

you, okay? If you want something, you've
got to speak up. This is exactly why

you've got a shirt every year for
Christmas.

They're not walking all over me, and I
got a vest.

No, they're walking all over you because
I did.

No, you didn't. Yeah, I did. I walked
into your house unannounced, whining

my problems, asking to stay for an
unlimited amount of time while I work

problems.

Nate, you didn't mention that last part.

I didn't? No. Well, can I? Sure. See,
right there.

Look, this is what I'm talking about.
You're the one in trouble here, okay? If

you want some help, you have to ask for
it. You've got to do something, all

right? Tell them you're not going to
take it anymore.

You know you're right. I know I'm right.
Yeah, I shouldn't be treated this way.

No, you shouldn't. No, I'm fed up. I'm
not going to take it anymore. Go tell

them, Al. Go watch out! Go.

Excuse me.

Hey, can I get everybody's attention
just for... I got...

Sorry to have to say it, but I do. I
just feel like you're all being, you

and I just, I know that you have your
reasons, you know, and I'm sure they're,

yeah, but I don't, I just feel like, I
feel like you're all. You're being

selfish, okay? You're all being selfish.

A little bit. And I just, I know it's a
tough time for everybody, but rallying

is what people usually do. People rally.

And you're not. And I come in here and
there are all of these just. Books.

Books. Everywhere.

It just makes me want to... I just... I
want to... Bam! Sucker punch!

Achievement surgery! Right there!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

What are you saying?

All right, look, what she's saying is
that you guys all came in here today,

right? And she's obviously... I can do
this. I can do this.

Okay, what I'm saying is... What I'm
saying is for once in my life,

I would like a snow cone machine.

a little chunk of ice goes in, and then
shaved ice comes all out, so pretty, and

a cone, and you, oh, and you bite into
it, and so is this juice on it, and you

can have flavors, and it's, is that too
much to ask?

I think I speak for everyone here when I
say, what?

Here's the deal, all right? You guys
should be ashamed of yourselves, all

You come in here so wrapped up in your
petty little problems, and you're

ignoring a friend in need, okay? A
friend who has always been there for

You've always been there for them,
right? Yeah. Okay.

What I want you to do is take a good,
hard look around you, okay? And then

you're done, you figure out how to
rally.

Ellen's right. I'm really sorry.

We were bad.

The meeting was really important.

Come on, everyone!

sprinkler system work. Well, see, now,
work, that's a funny term. You see,

would imply turns off.

Funny man.

You know, I know to look at me, I look
like one pretty together chick, but

was pretty scary.

Yeah.

I'm glad you were with me.

Remember what we used to do when we were
little kids and we got scared?

Oh, wet our pants? Yeah.

The other time, we snuck into The
Exorcist. Remember that? We went home,

that sheet tent, stayed up all night
eating Oreos.

Oh, too bad I'm out of Oreos.

Glad I have a bottle of scotch. Works
for me.

Okay, what is this?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, uh, duck. That's a duck.
All right. Yeah, I'm hot. Give me a

bone. Give me a bone.

I'm going to have to go with duck.

No. No? No.

I'll give you a hint. Okay.

Tonight we have a really big shoot.

Oh, that's Sullivan.

Yes. Oh, I'm stupid. I'm stupid.

You put out the air for long. All right.
Give me another one. I'm really, really

hot. Okay. All right.

How about this?

I'm going to have to take duck.

No, it's the shrimp guy from Forrest
Gump.

I want some barbecue sweet.

Quarter pound sweet. Okay. All right,
all right. Give me another one. Give me

another one. I got it. All right. All
right, one more. Okay.

Oh, that's Mama Cass.

Yeah! Yeah, baby!

Woo! All the leaves are brown. All the
leaves are brown. And the sky is gray.

And the sky is gray.

Give me a little bit of high -ho there.
Okay, okay. Come on now.