All language subtitles for ellen_s01e10_the_soft_touch

Can I get some more coffee?

You've had enough, my friend.

Just a taste.

I'll quit tomorrow.

I promise.

Sorry, pal.

Gotta cut you off.

I don't know what you're running from,
but you won't hide from it in the bottom

of a cappuccino cup.

Now give me your keys and jog home.

Wow. This job isn't just about selling
coffee.

I'm impressed, Joe. You really do care
about people.

Yeah, yeah.

You ever gone 90 in a Corvette?

Joe, I can't believe you. Give me those
keys.

You are not driving that man's car, but
you can ride shotgun.

Okay, I'm a car salesman and you've just
entered the showroom.

Why can't you just tell me what I need
to know?

Look, if you want to learn how to buy a
car, you've got to do it my way.

Did the Karate Kid question Mr. Miyagi?

Car shopping, not here.

Or here.

Car shopping here.

All right, I'll give it a try.

Hi, I'm Brian.

Why can't you just be a car salesman
named Adam? I'm Brian.

Okay, hi, I'm Sherry Belafonte Harper.

What can I help you with?

Well, my old car's on its last leg, so
I'm here to buy. No, no, no, no, no. You

never say you're here to buy. You're
just looking.

Gotcha.

I'm just looking, Brian.

You know, we're really loaded down with
inventory right now, so if you buy

today, I can give you a great deal.

All right.

No, Ellen.

What? I'm getting a... great deal. Isn't
that the point? The inventory thing is

the oldest trick in the book, and you
fell for it. You may as well walk into

dealership wearing an I am a sucker t
-shirt.

I have one of those.

I can't believe I paid $60 for it.

You're doomed.

I am not. I'm just going to look.

When it comes time to buy, I'll bring my
pain -in -the -butt friend Adam to

negotiate. Well, that's good thinking,
because you are every car salesman's

dream. I'm every man's dream.

I'm Sherry Belafonte Harper.

Yeah, cars look much nicer indoors.
Maybe I'll make my next car an indoor

How did they get these in here, anyhow?

Holly, don't be a dope. They build the
building around them.

You know, I'm starting to think that
maybe I should get a new car, too. Oh,

we go again.

You always do this.

You copy me. I took up racquetball, you
took up racquetball. I bought a bread

maker, you bought a bread maker.

I wanted a bread maker. Only after I got
mine.

How many times have you used it?

Twice. That's exactly how many times
I've used mine.

Copycat.

Here comes a salesman. Remember, he is
the enemy. He's the devil.

Bye.

Save your breath, Buster. We're not
buying anything. We're just here to

get lost.

I like this one. Me too.

Ha! I was just testing you. I hate it.
Oh, well, ha, and you bet, because I

really do like it.

Copycat. What the hell is wrong with
you?

Those two women walk in here, and you
just let them browse?

You're hopeless.

Oh, no, I got him in trouble. Oh, don't
worry. He'll be okay.

Now, you either start moving some
vehicles, or you're history.

Man, have I been in those shoes before.

First boss I ever had yelled at me that
way.

That's why I didn't become a doctor.

Ellen, your first boss was the assistant
manager at Burger World.

That's right.

He destroyed my confidence and along
with it my desire to heal.

Poor guy.

I bet he has dreams too. I'm going to go
talk to him.

Hey there. Oh, hey.

Look, I'm sorry. You know, I know I told
you earlier to get lost, but I didn't

mean for you to get lost.

That's just slang for, how are you?

See, I work at a bookstore, so I'm
exposed to all the latest hip slang.

That's how it usually travels.

Booksellers, rappers, everyone else.

So, get lost.

I'm sorry, I'm just a little shaken
right now. Why? I'm sure you're a

salesman. No, I'm not.

Really. Ah, the old soft self.

You're a fly one. I'm going to have to
watch myself around you.

I'm Ellen, by the way. You must be...
Jeff.

No, I'm the little red nub.

Is that a nickname?

Hope it wasn't your nickname before this
chart.

I'm just kidding, Glenn.

Oh.

This one's a beauty.

That's the MS -3. It's got a 16 valve.

2 .3 liter engine, rack and pinion
steering.

People seem to like them for some
reason.

They like them because of the way you
sell them.

If you don't stop me, I'm going to get
in this car.

You sly devil, you. You got me behind
the wheel and I love it just like you

knew I would.

me some more about the car. I'm sorry, I
can't go on.

What's wrong?

I'm such a failure.

My father's right.

I can't pay my own bills. I can't do
anything. I can't even sell a car.

Oh, of course you can.

Come on, don't give up.

Pressure me. Feed me that line about
your inventory.

Inventory? Yeah, how your dealership is
so weighed down with extra inventory. If

I buy now, I get a great deal. But
that's not true.

I don't know that.

Come on, try it.

All right. Well,

We have this inventory thing. Really?
Wow, that sure does turn up the heat.

I'll take it, you shark.

You bought a car in 20 minutes?

You must like the way it handles.

I'm sure it handles fine.

You didn't even drive it?

I may not have driven it here.

Or here.

But I drove it here.

You did this to hurt me, didn't you?

That would be a very stupid reason to
buy a car.

I bought it to cheer up a salesman.

Ellen, I happen to think you did a
beautiful thing buying that car.

There, see?

Feeling a little depressed myself. Can I
have it?

The car is way out of your budget. It
shows how much you know. All I need is

another thousand for the down payment.
Don't look at me.

I'm not. Believe me, I know many ways to
generate some quick income.

Mom, Dad.

Yo.

Hi, Jelly.

It is so warm in here. Do you have your
heat on?

Why, yes, I do. That's how I celebrate
winter.

hours, we're economizing.

Turning up the thermostat is just like
pumping money into the air.

Oh, here, we brought you this.

Wow.

Mayonnaise. And plenty of it. Only five
dollars at the value warehouse.

It couldn't be more timely because for
lunch today, I'm serving giant

sandwiches.

We love the Value Warehouse. Buying food
at the supermarket is just like eating

money.

Your father was bulk buyer of the month.

We will never run out of toilet paper
again.

Ever.

Well, that's security, huh?

Sit down.

Oh, isn't this nice?

I've always thought it was really great
the way the two of you were so miserly.

Is that the word I wanted?

Thrifty. Thrifty.

Spending foolishly is just like
shredding money to make a fright wig.

I've never been more with you, Dad.

Because, you know, the less money you
waste on little things, the more you

saved for big, important purchases like,
oh, I don't know, cars.

You know, we sold our car.

It doesn't matter, Lois. The garage is
full of toilet paper anyway.

If Hutton here wanted to play the
market.

I got a hot tip.

Didn't work out.

What does that mean?

We're completely broke.

Temporarily. The SEC has frozen the
company assets. The important thing is

we still have our health, which is good
because no way we could afford doctors

now.

Well, enough of our miseries. You said
on the phone there was something you

wanted to ask us.

Oh, yeah, um... Well, I was just going
to ask you if I could

borrow... The mayonnaise, and you read
my mind.

Actually, it was something we were
hoping we could ask you.

Uh -huh.

It's kind of embarrassing, but could you
lend us $1 ,000 just as a safety net?

Sure. Oh, yeah.

I'm just gonna go, um, turn off the
heat.

You don't need all these lights, either.

And with all this inventory weighing us
down, well, we're in a real spot.

So, we can get a great deal. Oh, yeah,
you sure can.

Oh, I'll give you a minute to decide.

Helen!

I want to thank you so much. Making that
sale yesterday has really boosted my

confidence.

Well, then that's all that matters right
there is confidence.

The sale itself, who cares?

How do you mean?

Say you had a time machine.

I know what you're thinking. How would I
get a time machine? Well, of course you

couldn't because time machines don't
exist. But if they did, you'd be just

man to sell them.

That's just an aside.

Anyway...

If you went back in that time machine
and we took away the sale now, it

make any difference because your life is
already turned around. You've got

confidence. You get me? Why don't you
explain it to me while I show you your

car?

Well, funny you should mention that.

Not funny, ha -ha.

More like funny, oh, God.

Ellen, is there something you want to
tell me?

I can't buy the car.

Oh, God.

I just don't have the money, but it
doesn't matter because your luck has

changed. That's what I meant with that
whole time machine thing. Oh, I get it

now. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Well, Glenn, we just want to thank you
for all your help, but we decided

the car.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, don't worry.

There'll be other sales.

Lots of them.

Things are looking up.

I can't believe what I did to him.

I'm scum.

I'm beneath scum.

I am that substance which scum gets
grossed out by.

You can't hold yourself responsible for
this guy's career.

If I've learned anything in business,
it's that there's two types of people

there, winners and losers.

Oh, yeah? Which are you?

Okay, there's also a third kind that
slides by for years on a glimmer of

potential.

But I'm afraid this Glenn guy is a
loser.

Men.

Hey. Hey.

Hi.

Guess who bought a little red sports
car?

You bought a car? Yeah. You bought it
from Glenn? No.

I bought it from Jeff.

Tall, handsome, smart.

What a winner.

Why didn't you buy it from Glenn?

He told me it doesn't work there
anymore.

Oh, my God. I got Glenn fired.

I am that substance which grosses out
fat and which scum is grossed out by.

It was going to happen anyway. Let it
go.

You're right.

I ruined a life. It's time to move on.

Look, there's nothing you can do for the
guy, you know? You should have given

him a job yourself.

Hey. Which, of course, would be insanely
ridiculous.

Or would it?

All Glenn needs is a little self
-confidence. He'll thrive in the

of books.

Maybe he'll even be inspired to write
one himself.

Heck, it'll be a bestseller.

They'll have to make a movie out of it
starring who? Glenn himself.

into Washington, who's to say that 15
years from now we won't be sitting here

talking about our friend President
Glenn? Has a ring to it, doesn't it?

more years!

Four more years!

Helen, you may be getting a little ahead
of yourself.

Oh, you're right.

There's no guarantee he'll run for a
second term.

Dickens, Dostoevsky, Hemingway, the
classics.

Trying to improve your intelligence,
huh?

Boy, do I know that feeling.

I bought a bunch of these once.

Trouble is, I never read them, so they
just sat on my shelf mocking me.

Hey, Glenn, you idiot!

Glenn, you moron!

Finally, I picked one up, and it was so
far beyond me that I felt even more

stupid than ever.

Come again!

Glenn!

You know, you're doing great.

But maybe I could give you a few tiny
pointers.

Would you?

Effective salesmanship is all about
making the customer feel good about what

he's buying.

You know what I'm saying?

No idea.

Okay, I got an idea. You be the
customer.

I'll be Sherry Belafonte Harper.

I'm kidding. I'll be me.

Okay, pick out a book.

A book.

A book, a book, a book, a book.

Any book.

Ah, the hidden life of dogs.

I just love dogs.

Aren't dogs wonderful? Yeah, yeah. I had
a dog when I was growing up.

Spongy.

The day I got my driver's license, I ran
him over.

Oh, God, Spongy. Okay, okay, okay.

I tell you what, why don't you go help
Joe for a little while?

Sure, sure thing, Alan.

Hey, Joe.

Hey, Alan says that I'm supposed to help
you. Great. Is this how you steam the

milk? Ah!

Excuse me.

Ellen, the new guy?

Yes. He has to go.

He just started. Give him a chance.

All right.

I still feel the same way.

You're right. This isn't working out.

Glenn, can I see you in my office for a
moment? Sure thing, Ellen.

I'll race you.

I won.

Yes, you did.

You're a winner.

Sit down, Glenn.

Do you remember what I said to you when
I first hired you? Of course.

You said that others may have let me
down in the past, but you were different

and that you would stand behind me no
matter what.

Elsa said that it was an experiment.
We'd try to see how it works. Yeah, it's

working out great, isn't it?

Our experiment?

Oh, yes, great, yes.

I don't think there's been an experiment
this great since the H -bomb.

What do you wear to the Nobels?

Just this, I guess.

Is that what you wanted to talk to me
about, Ellen?

No, no.

I'm stalling because this is really hard
to say.

Oh.

Maybe it would be easier if I said
something first.

Ellen, this job has meant so much to me.

It has made me so happy that this
morning I got evicted from my apartment.

don't even care.

Did that help?

Immensely.

First of all, thank you for the pickles.

I need my $1 ,000 back.

What on earth for?

Well, I have this employee who's broke
and he's just been evicted. Now,

unfortunately, I have to fire him, so I
want to lend him the money.

Honey, you can't give $1 ,000 to every
employee you let go.

That's like kicking money under the
street.

I know it sounds weird, Dad, but I feel
really responsible for this guy. It's

like giving to charity.

I just don't understand.

It's like feeding the homeless with
money sandwiches.

Oh.

Besides, you said you just ordered it
for a safety cushion, so can I have it

back?

Well... Um... What?

We don't have it.

I just gave it to you Monday.

Yeah, well, we had a lot of bills.
Power, water, car payments.

He sold your car. I mean carpets,
carpets, I mean carpets.

It's still nowhere near $1 ,000. Where's
the rest of it?

We had dinner out.

Where?

Richards. Richards? That's the most
expensive restaurant in town.

Well, you can't eat at the Pancake House
after seeing a show like Phantom.

You saw Phantom? I haven't even seen
Phantom. Those tickets are $70 each.

when you buy them from a scalper. Oh.

I guess we just went a little crazy, you
know.

Dinner, the show, and that gorgeous
hotel suite.

It was like as if we won the money. It
was like it was free.

Oh, we really feel awful, but we'll pay
you back as soon as we can.

Well, it's not the money.

What do I do about Glenn?

Well, what can you do about him?

Things are tough for everyone.

The theater was half empty.

I really have done everything I can for
the guy. I mean, I gave him a job. It

didn't work out. I don't owe him one
single thing.

And if you get tired of sleeping on my
sofa, I guess you can have my room. I

feel I owe you at least that.

Look, Ellen.

The pickles were really quite enough.

I'm just not your responsibility.

Well, what are you going to do?

There's only one thing I can do.

Face the facts.

Bite the bullet.

And except that trust fund my father set
up for me.

Excuse me? Trust fund?

So you're rich?

Don't rub it in.

My father uses his money to control me.
I just wanted to prove to him that I

could make it on my own. I guess now I'm
going to have to eat $1 .8 million

worth of crow.

I thought I was strong enough to make it
without his money, but I'm not, Ellen.

I'm a complete loser.

Oh, but you're not.

You had the strength to walk away from
your father and try and make it on your

own. That's all anyone can ever do.

You can go back to your father with your
head held high and say, Dad, I gave it

my best.

I did try for almost two weeks.

You're a trooper.

Ellen, you've really made a difference.

You're the only person who ever cared.

Well, I guess when I looked at you, I...

Saw a little girl who wanted to be a
doctor.

Oh, God.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's me.

It's a good thing. Oh, oh, okay, okay.

I don't know how to thank you for
everything you've done for me. Oh, when

my trust fund, the first thing I'll do
is buy you that car.

You don't have to do that.

Fair enough.

I can see that I've embarrassed you. I
will never bring it up again.

Thanks, Alan.

Uh, say, Glenn, if you're giving out
cars, I'll take one.

You got it, my friend.

off some tuna. I thought I'd make
sandwiches.