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He's a man of means. Then along come two.

They got nothing but the genes.

But they got different strokes to take. Different strokes to take.

Different strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got not a lot. So what? I'll have theirs. You'll have

yours and I'll have mine.

Man, these food compositions are really tough.

Hey, Arnold, how about Abraham Lincoln for your favorite American?

He's famous.

Nah, everybody knows he's a famous American. I want to write about a really

famous American that nobody's ever heard of.

Not Ulysses S. Grant.

He was a cigar smoker and a boozer, but he was a great dancer.

Where'd you read that?

What do you mean, read?

I was his date for the inaugural ball.

Arnold, why American men? Why don't you write about a great American woman?

Woman? Sure, like Susan B. Anthony or Amelia Earhart. Who were they?

I should have guessed. The only American women you'd recognize are Sarah Lee and

Betty Crocker.

with me. The greatest American I know is living right here in this house.

Oh, come on, Arnold.

I'm not that great.

I'm talking about Dad.

That's a terrific idea, Arnold. He's American and he's great.

Yeah, but don't they want someone historical?

that much about Dad.

Well, go talk to him. I'm sure he'll tell you everything you want to know.

Yeah, but I better not say what I'm doing it for.

Why not, Arnold? Daddy would be flattered.

I better wait and see what kind of grade I get first.

He won't be so flattered if his life gets an F.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Arnold.

Dad, I've been thinking about you.

Well, it's nice to be thought of by a close member of the family.

about you all the time. Of course, I think about you even more than I do

about you if I knew more about you to think about.

What do you think about that?

I think you better run that by me again.

Well, see, you know all about me, and I'd just like to know more about you,

some of the big things that have happened in your life.

Big things, huh?

Yeah. I did win a medal once.

A medal? Now we're talking. What was the medal for?

For having the neatest bunk at Cap Witchamaclatchy.

That's it?

That's the biggie in your life?

A neat bunk?

I'll help right up here, Arnold.

I'll tell you the whole drumming story.

And my dad's giving me a re... Hey, Natalie.

Aren't you listening?

Oh, sure. Go on, Arnold.

And my dad's giving me a really great life. We have a limousine that's so big,

when you want to phone the chauffeur from the back seat, it's a long

call.

Man, your father really is terrific.

That's why he's my favorite American.

Who are you doing your composition on?

Superman.

Superman? He can't be a famous American.

He's a legal alien.

Well, anyway, I got a nice dad, too. Only he's not my real dad. He's my

father. My dad's not my real dad, either. He's adopted.

That's almost the same thing.

No, it's not. A doctor means you get to stay. With foster parents, you can just

be passing through.

That already happened to me a couple of times.

How come?

Well, the first time, the guy was really mean.

And the next time, the man and woman got divorced.

I'm sure glad you got a good home now.

So am I. I'd like to stay here forever.

My foster father's been out of work for a while.

If he doesn't get a job, then they'll probably send me back to another foster

home.

Is that how it works? I think so.

What? I sure hope this one works out.

Oh, I gotta go. There's my limo.

That big black limo's yours?

So's the big white chauffeur.

Man, I ain't think people roll nose while they're still alive.

Hey Arnold, your limo's waiting.

Limo's aren't so hot. Only riding to save shoe leather.

I'll see you tomorrow, Dudley. See you.

Hi, sir.

Hi, Dad.

Any luck finding a job?

No. But I got a lead on one. I don't know in a couple of hours. You know, you

can't keep a good man down.

You think we'll ever live in a penthouse and have a limousine?

Of course.

As soon as they make me president of Zimbabwe.

Anyone want seconds on dessert?

Except for Arnold, who's up to force.

Thank you, Adelaide. Thank you, Adelaide. Congratulations, Adelaide, on

culinary tour de force.

Right. And the food wasn't bad either.

Hey, Kimberly, what's all that fancy tour de force jazz?

It's French, ma petite choufleur. Dad!

Kind of a term of endearment in French.

Right. Literally, I was calling Willis my little cauliflower.

Your little cauliflower, thank you.

from home. I just came to say goodbye.

Running away?

Yeah, I gotta talk to you.

Are you in some kind of trouble?

No. My dad still didn't find a job safe. So I'm getting out before the social

worker comes and sends me off to another foster home.

But your folks love you.

I'm sure they'll worry about you.

But I got a plan.

I'll hide out till my dad gets a job. Then I'll come back.

How you gonna know if he gets a job?

Cause you'll tell me.

You'll be my secret contact.

That's just like in Watergate.

I'll be deep, Arnold.

Yeah.

Boy, something sure smells good.

I'll bet you had roast beef for dinner.

Yeah. How'd you know?

I can smell it on your breath.

Come on in. I'll get you some food.

But if your dad sees me, he'll call my dad.

Then I'll be right back where I started from.

Wait a minute.

Tell you what. You go upstairs and get in my closet and I'll sneak some food up

to you. You mean like some roast beef and any dessert that happened to come

it? That's right.

Thanks, Arnold. You're a real friend.

Arnold!

Wait here.

Arnold, what's taking you so long?

Who was that?

some bubble bath.

Oh, well, you should have said very politely that we're having dinner. So

please, take your bubbles and blow.

That's funny, Dad.

Up the stairs, first room on your left.

Man, that was close. Would you tell him?

Never mind. But if he sees you, just tell him you're the Avon lady.

feed me or give me your laundry.

I needed something to stash all the food in.

There you go.

What a spread!

I got you some roast beef, a bag of mashed potatoes,

or I'll just wander around looking for a park bench or a clean gutter.

You're not sleeping in any gutter. I'll hide you here tonight.

But what are you going to do tomorrow?

I don't know.

Boy, what a problem.

I sure hope you get lucky someday and get somebody to legally adopt you like I

did. Then you can stop running.

Yeah.

Hey, Arnold, that's a terrific idea.

What is?

To get your dad to adopt me.

What are you talking about, Dudley?

If an important person like your dad adopts me, the social workers will leave

alone. They will?

Yeah, then when my dad gets a job and saves some money, I'll move back in with

him. Wouldn't that be terrific?

Yeah, but wait a minute, Dudley. What if I ask my dad and he says no?

But you wrote in your composition that he was such a great guy with a big

Well, yeah, but that's... Oh, I get it.

That was just a crock, huh?

No, it wasn't. Yes, it was.

Because if he's so great, why are you afraid to ask him? I'm not afraid. Yes,

you are. No, I'm not.

And I'll tell you something.

If I ask him to adopt you, he will.

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Me and my big mouth, Abraham.

Let's see.

How am I going to ask my dad about Dudley?

Welcome home from work, Dad.

Here's your paper. Here's your slippers.

Here's another kid to adopt.

I'm ready to see your dad.

I wash my hands and face, and I even gargle with some of that awful green

mouthwash. Green?

That's not mouthwash. That's Willis' aftershave lotion.

Yeah. Since when did he start shaving?

Since those two hairs grew on his chin.

Well, you can tell me what everything is after I move in.

Yeah, listen, Dudley, I just thought of a little problem.

If I ask my dad to adopt you, he'll call your dad.

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, not if you tell your dad that my foster father beats me.

He doesn't beat you.

Yeah, but nobody knows that.

That's true.

Only you and...

My foster father beats me. All right.

I'll even throw in that he's a boozer, too.

Tell him I never know who he's going to hit first, me or the bottle.

Hi, Willis. Hey, get your sweater down. Stay a second. It's to the movies.

Nah, I think I'll just hang out here.

Say what?

You mean you don't want to go to the movies?

Man, that's like Chrysler turned down a loan.

Yeah, but my gray sweater's this way. Don't do it, Willis. Why not?

Because that gray sweater looks just terrible on you.

You're such a good -looking dude, it'll spoil your cool living.

Yeah, little brother.

You're right. I mean, I've got to be fair to my public.

I guess I'll wear the blue one. I mean, it fits tight and gives me that long,

slim look.

What am I supposed to do with this?

Oh, my nose.

Oops. Must be my eyes.

Adelaide must be slipping me some weak carrots.

The blue sweater I meant to get you is hanging on the first hook.

Go get them hot lips.

Dad, Arnold doesn't want to go to the movies.

Oh, sure. And the Pope doesn't want to go to Mass.

You guys go ahead. I'll just hit the sack.

What? Right after dinner.

Sure, that way I'll be rested up for breakfast.

That's an interesting sneeze you've got there.

It has an echo.

But adoption isn't the kind of thing you decide to do on the spur of the moment.

I'm not trying to pressure you, Dad. Good.

What's the answer?

Dudley already has parents.

But his foster father's a terrible guy.

He beats him.

He beats him? Oh, that's horrible.

Hey, wait a minute, Arnold.

If Dudley's father's so bad, how come every time I pick you up at school,

Dudley's father's there picking him up?

I... Yes, he just wants to make sure Dudley gets home in time. for his

A man like that should be thrown in jail.

Dad, if you adopt Dudley, he won't be any trouble.

Instead of a double bunk, we'll have a triple bunk.

Sure, I can keep adopting kids till the bunks hit the ceiling.

Okay. Of course we can do it. We have enough room.

But adopting a child is a very big commitment.

I guess so. And when you adopted us, you probably didn't realize what you were

committing.

Of course you did, Arnold. You know, your mother worked for Daddy for a long

time. That's right.

And I was very fond of her. So when she asked me to take care of you, I promised

that I would.

Now, I hadn't exactly planned anything like that, but then eventually I got to

know you and I got to love you.

And that's when I decided to adopt you.

Boy, it's lucky we're lovable.

I don't know how he did it, but he got 80 pounds of food into a 40 -pound

stomach.

Well, I'll be in what's left of the kitchen.

Mr. Drummond, if you adopt me, I won't always eat this much.

Don't you worry about that, Dudley.

Now listen, Arnold has been telling me about your foster father.

Child beating is a very serious matter. It sure is.

The first thing we're going to do is we're going to report that foster father

yours to the police.

What?

Oh, please don't call the police, Mr. Drummond.

I mean, my father's liable to go over the wall and beat me up worse.

Yeah, Dad.

Don't call the police.

It'll just upset his father.

Up until now, when he beat up Dudley, he was in a good mood.

Don't you worry.

He's not going to beat you anymore.

Boy, appearances are very deceiving. I met your father. He seemed like a

pleasant, happy man.

What? Why shouldn't he be happy? He's doing what he loves, beating up people.

Hold it, kids. I'll get that.

Evening, Drummond.

Dad! Nice to see you again.

Ramsey, I am just about to report you to the police.

Just for ringing your bell?

I'd like to ring your bell.

Dudley here has just told us the whole story. Story?

What story?

Dudley, I've been looking all over for you.

Don't you come near him.

Dudley, what's going on here? You know your mother and I have been worried

I've even been to the police.

I guess they didn't know they had Jack the Ripper under their nose.

Ramsey, how did you happen to know that Dudley was here?

Well, I know that Arnold's his best friend, so I took a chance and came

Come here, son.

Dudley, why did you run away?

Now, Dudley, are you sure you told us the truth that you ran away because your

father beat you?

Beat you?

Son, I've never laid a hand on you except to hug you.

Why would you make up a lie like that?

I'm sorry, Dad.

I love you and more.

But you don't have a job.

And if you can't afford me, they'll send me to another foster home.

No, son, that's not the way it works.

and nobody's ever going to take you away from your mother and me. In fact, as

soon as I can, I'm going to legally adopt you.

Yeah? Really?

Really. Oh, that's great, Dad.

Look, I'm sorry about all this, German.

So am I.

By the way, what kind of work do you do?

I'm a salesman.

Why don't you give me a call sometime tomorrow? We just might have something

that would interest you.

Thanks. That's a lot better than you ringing my bell.

Terrible. Thanks.

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That's okay. You can hide in my closet anytime.

And if you're ever hungry, come over here and I'll breathe on you.

Boy, Mr. Drummond, Arnold was right when he wrote in this composition.

You really are a terrific guy, just like my dad.

Thank you, Dudley.

Let's go home, son.

I'll see you tomorrow, Dudley. Bye -bye. Bye, Dudley.

Now,

what's this about a composition?

Oh, it's something Arnold had to write for a school about his favorite

Yeah, and he chose your dad over Betty Crocker and Sarah Lee.

Really? He's never even tasted my fudge brownies.

I'm very touched that you chose me. I'd like to hear your composition.

Well, I wanted to wait until I got a good grade on it first, but... Okay.

My favorite American is my dad, Philip Drummond. He's a really smart guy.

He went to college, and he doesn't say a lot of dumb things like most grown

-ups.

That ought to win your teacher over in a hurry.

My dad's very kind, and he never punishes us for being bad.

Unless we get caught.

He's also very generous, and because of inflation, I'm sure he's going to give

me and my brother and sister a raise in allowance.

I'll pretend I didn't hear that part.

I heard that. So did I.

My dad is the greatest, coolest, neatest, most thoughtful, understanding

the whole world. My dad is also... Arnold, how long is this composition?

A couple more pages.

Well, listen.

Why don't we opt it out? All right, that sounds great.

Let's see. Where was I? Oh, right here, right here.

My dad... No, no, start from the part that goes, My dad is the greatest,

coolest, neatest, most understanding guy in the whole world. Or something like

that. No, Daddy, you mean exactly like that.

My dad is the greatest, coolest, neatest, most thoughtful, understanding

the whole world.

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum.

What might be right for you may not be right for some.

When it's born, he's a man of need.

Then along come two.

They got nothing but the genes that they got.

Difference flows from thing.

Difference flows from thing.

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