Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the feet of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some. A man is born, he's a man of means.

Then along come two, they got nothing but the genes.

But they got different strokes it takes, different strokes it takes, different

strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got not a lot.

So what? Don't have theirs. You'll have yours and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine. Different strokes to move the world. Different

strokes to move the world.

EJ, let your company and change.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I own the railroads, the park place, the boardwalk, the electric company, two

hotels, and no waterworks.

I think you're cornered to market.

Ha, ha, ha.

Roll them, Big D.

Mm -hmm.

Four.

Uh -oh. I landed on Arnold's boardwalk.

That'll be 2 ,000 grams, please.

All right.

500, 1 ,000, 15, 2 ,000. Hey, gang, excuse me for interrupting big business,

I got some big news.

There's a lady on her way up to see you boys. She told the doorman she's a

relative. A relative?

I knew the minute I got rich they'd start showing her.

Boys, I thought you didn't have any relatives.

We don't. Hey, remember that lady we used to call cousin Fat Stuff? And she

weighed, oh, 700 pounds.

You mean the glyph?

She wasn't really a relative, Arnold.

That's good.

She would give us slobbery kisses and say, my, oh, my, what cute little

dickheads you are.

That was truly a terrifying experience.

Getting kissed by her was like taking a shower with your clothes on.

Well,

I think it's terrific that you boys might have a relative.

Hey, wouldn't that be wonderful?

I mean, it's a long time since you've seen someone of your own flesh and

That would be nice.

Yeah. I can't wait to meet her and see what she looks like running around in

flesh and blood. Yeah.

Well, all right. Why don't you answer the door?

Okay. Go ahead.

Just beautiful. Can I ask a question?

Ask away, honey.

Who are you?

I'm your cousin Myrtle Waters from Detroit.

Oh, hi, cousin Myrtle Waters from Detroit.

Mrs. Waters, I'm Philip Drummond.

Oh, you're the nice young man who took my little cousins in in their time of

need.

Watch your cheeks, Mr. D.

Mrs.

Waters, I'd like you to meet our housekeeper. This is Mrs.

Garrett. How do you do, Mrs. Waters?

My, what a beautiful smile.

Oh, well, if you wanted to get on my good side, you just did it.

Would you like a cup of coffee or something? Oh, no, thank you. Don't care

thing.

Please, take off your coat and sit down. Thank you.

Willie, you've grown into quite a young man.

Thank you.

And Arnold, you're just a cute little gumdrop.

Honey, I was right there with your mama when you were born.

You know you came early.

You were a seven -month baby.

No wonder he's so little.

He was never finished.

He could have been belted by a .45 gun drop.

Will you be in town for long, Mrs. Waters?

That's Miss Waters. Oh.

No, I'm just passing through.

I just got in town yesterday, and I heard about their mother going to her

if you were doing okay by my cousin Lucy May's sweet little baby.

Well, I certainly am trying.

Mr. D treats us great, Cousin Myrtle.

Like a real papa.

You're living great, dressing great, and fearing great.

Hey, Willie, you left out one great. What's that?

Eating great.

That's fine. Just fine, boy.

But what about school?

You like going to school?

school.

We just don't like what's in between.

No offense, Mr. Drummond, but sometimes you have to encourage the boys to go to

school. Oh, I do. I do all the time. And what about church?

I can assure you the boys pray every Sunday.

Yeah, but Miss Garrett meant to go to church anyway.

Bless her and praise the Lord.

Did you know their mother, Lucy May, very well?

If we were any closer, we could wear the same girdle.

Oh, by the way, I have some pictures of me and your mama.

Oh, can I see one? Let me see one.

Now, this is a picture of me and your mama in Central Park.

Wasn't mama pretty?

Look, Arnold.

Heaven mama is the prettiest lady in heaven.

Your mother was a very special lady, boys.

And here's one of me and your mama on Coney Island.

Look, Arnold.

Mama's wearing a Coney Island T -shirt and a funny hat.

Look.

Cousin Myrtle, did Mama win that dumb -looking doll she's holding?

That's no doll, Arnold. That's you.

You're a little devil, wasn't I?

You boys can take the pictures if you like. Oh, thank you.

That's very thoughtful of you, Miss Waters.

in such high style.

This is one beautiful penthouse.

Why, thank you.

You know, when I was a kid, I lived in a penthouse, too. You did?

It was an orange crate on top of a roof.

And I still remember when it rained, I had the first waterbed in Harlem.

Miss Waters, tell me, how are you related to Willis and Arnold?

Well, it was like this.

Their mother and me was cousins.

Cousins of cousins. So if we were cousins of each other's cousins, that

cousins to each other. Which makes me and the boys cousins once removed.

Until you came along.

We thought all our relatives was removed.

Willie sure has a fine sense of humor, doesn't he, Arnold?

Yeah, and that's about it.

As you can see, both the boys have a funny bone.

Well, I...

on your hospitality long enough, Mr. Drummond? Oh, not at all. Well, like I

said, I just came by to see if the boys were doing okay.

And they certainly are.

Yes, indeed.

They're living high on the hall.

You hear that, boys?

We're living high on the hall.

Well,

I gotta be going, boys.

Please don't go. You just got here.

Don't go. Stay, please.

But it's around your dinner time.

That's okay.

Yeah.

By the way, Mr. Drummond, do you know a nice little restaurant where I could get

a soup, salad, sandwich, a cup of coffee, and dessert for about a buck and

half?

Now, I've got a much better idea.

Why don't you stay and have dinner with us?

Well, that's awful nice of you, but I wouldn't think of it. Really? We'd enjoy

having you.

Yeah, stay. Come on, please.

I couldn't. Please stay.

I shouldn't. I want you to. I can't. All right, then. Well, if you insist.

Wonderful.

Mrs. Garrett.

You're so nice, Mr. Drummond. So nice. Not at all. Yes?

Miss Waters is joining us for dinner.

Good. Do you think you'll have enough, Mrs. Garrett?

Oh, sure. There's always enough for one more at our table.

If not, I'll use smaller plates.

Mr. Drummond, you are so persuasive.

But I insist on helping Mrs. Garrett with the dinner. Oh, no, now, there's no

need for that. Now, don't try to talk me out of it, because I can talk faster

than a preacher.

Oh, this is beautiful.

Sure hope she's cooking some black -eyed peas and pigtails.

Because my fight is at ease with black -eyed peas.

Well, boys, your cousin Myrtle certainly is a nice lady, isn't she? Oh, yeah.

Except for the pension.

If I was an Indian, they'd call me Wooly Cheek.

And I'd be Fractured Face.

Uh, listen, boys.

You know, your cousin said something that got me to thinking.

What's that?

Well, have you got any complaints about the way I'm bringing you up? Of course

not, Mr. D.

Everything's real cool.

Oh, yeah.

Except for a few little things can stand improving.

Yeah? Such as what?

doubling our allowance?

Doubling? What have you done during that?

You better drop the subject before we end up owing him a refund.

Thanks, Mrs. Waters, but you're a guest here tonight.

Come on now, you just sit down and enjoy your visit with the boys.

Thank you, but I just can't wait to get to that meatloaf of yours.

The aroma is music to my nose.

Well, I hope it hits the top 40 with your stomach.

Oh, by the way, Mr. Drummond. Yes?

Could you recommend a nice little hotel for about $8 or $9 a night?

If I skip breakfast and lunch, I may be able to pay $10.

Well, I'm afraid if you want a New York hotel room on that kind of a budget,

you'll have to skip every meal for a year.

Park bench, here I come.

What am I going to do?

I'll tell you what you're going to do. My daughter Kimberly's away at school.

You're going to use her room tonight.

Yeah, good idea.

Oh, I wouldn't think of it. We'd love having you.

I couldn't.

Please stay.

I shouldn't. I want you to.

I can't. All right, then. Oh, if you insist.

Then it's all settled. All right.

I'm glad you're staying.

Now, where's your luggage?

There it is over there.

I get all of my luggage at the supermarket.

Gee, this is going to be wonderful.

Now I can get a chance to be with my sweet little cousin.

I'm eating up with a face with no sign.

Oh, she ate already.

She's packing, ready to leave.

She's such a sweet lady. She can't stand the thought of imposing on Mr.

Drummond. I'm so glad she came to visit.

Me, too.

But my cheeks have mixed emotions.

Boys, Mrs. Garrett, Cousin Myrtle's leaving.

Oh, I'm sorry about that. Good morning, everybody.

Good morning, Cousin Myrtle.

Mr. Drummond, last night was the happiest night of my life.

My bed was so soft, My backside hates to say goodbye.

It was a pleasure, and we're going to miss you.

Yeah, we sure are. Look at those two precious little darlings just waiting

to say goodbye to me.

Don't forget the precious big darling in the middle.

I was hoping for the best for the boys, and the Lord turned it out that way.

Mr. Drummond, Thank you for the fine life you've given Arnold and Willis.

Blessings on this house. Hallelujah!

Pleasure, Miss Waters.

Mrs. Garrett, it's been a joy knowing you. Same here, Cousin Myrtle.

Goodbye, and blessings on this house.

See you all again.

I hope soon.

I don't know when, but I hope soon.

and she may have a bad neck, but there's nothing wrong with her mouth.

In the two days she's been here, there hasn't been any leftovers left over.

No, no, no, Mrs. Garrett, please. A little compassion.

She's the only relative the boys have.

Come on, Mr. Drummond.

Did you see that ball she took?

Yes, I did. The only other woman who ever took a ball like that was Uncle

Milchy.

Actually, the x -ray showed that nothing was broken.

But it did seem to me that she hollered whiplash before she hit the floor.

Well,

I wouldn't want the boys to know anything about it, so let's give her the

benefit of the doubt, okay?

She's their only relative, and she loves them, and they love having her here.

And that's the most important thing.

Easy, boys, easy.

I wonder if they give Oscars for whiplash.

Oh, easy, boys.

Don't rip up my lettuce now. Don't rip up my lettuce.

Oh.

Wait, stop, stop, stop. What's the matter?

Oh, I think my backbone disconnected from my neck bone.

Oh. Take another step. Maybe they'll reconnect.

Oh.

Don't be afraid to leave all your weight on me. Oh. You can't wash them any more

than you already did.

Let me give you a hand, Miss Waters. Easy, easy does it. All right. Get me to

the hard chair. Get me to the hard chair. It'll be better for my neck.

Oh. Easy now, easy.

Joe, it do hurt when I move.

Now, just try and relax.

Is there something we can get for you? Not a thing.

Unless it's another cup of tea.

Mrs. Garrett would love to get you another cup of tea.

Yes, Mrs. Garrett would love that.

As long as you're in the kitchen, honey. I know.

A ham sandwich with cheese, pickled tomato, lettuce, and a whole of mayo.

I hate to have your...

waiting on me hand and foot, Mr. Drummond, but it's sure for your good.

Well, the important thing is for you to get well.

Now, if you'll just excuse me for a minute, I have some work I have to do in

den.

You boys are sure lucky.

He's so nice.

Can I get you a pillow or something, Cousin Myrtle?

Now, that's strange.

Why does a pillow remind me of food?

So far, we ain't running into anything that don't.

I do hurt when I yell.

Mrs. Garrett!

You called?

Honey, would you be sure to toast the bread on that sandwich? But not like the

toast this morning. It was too brown for my taste.

Make it like you did yesterday.

I'll try.

And next time, save a swatch, and I'll see if I can match it.

Would you run upstairs to my room and get my...

Bring me some writing paper. Sure, Cousin Myrtle.

Cousin Myrtle, how long you going to be wearing that neck brace?

Probably the rest of my life, son.

You're sure going to make it rough on your big Adam's apple.

Big brother to little brother.

Something new going down with the birds and the bees?

Nothing like that, Arnie.

See, you're just a little kid, so you wouldn't notice things like me, because

I'm older.

Well, I would if they made the keyholes lower.

You don't have the experience to know what's happening.

Let me tell you something about Cousin Myrtle. She fell down on purpose and

she's trying to rip off Mr. D.

Told you.

Nobody had to tell me. I don't mind, you know.

Only reason it's little is because my brain is weighing me down.

Arnold, it's so obvious that Cousin Myrtle is faking about her neck.

And I feel bad.

Because she's a relative and she's mooching off Mr. D.

Yeah. And Mr. D is too nice to see what Myrtle is doing. Right.

Because he ain't from the streets and he ain't used to meeting people like that.

He got a bad brain. not being born in Harlem.

What we gotta do is make her move her neck in front of Mr. D so he'll know

she's faking.

Hey, I got something.

How about spilling some itching powder into her neck brace?

No, Arnold.

What we gotta do is to scare her.

Who you talking about?

Hey, I got it. I know how to make her jump through the ceiling.

You feeling better, Miss Waters?

It's much better, except for this crocheted pain.

Here's your magazine, Cousin Myrtle.

Thank you, baby.

And Arna's bringing down the pencil and writing paper.

Thank you.

will be served in an hour, Miss Waters.

I hope this will hold you till then.

What's the matter with you, woman? You crazy.

Arnold, what are you doing?

Come down here.

Willis, are you in on this?

Before I tell you, can I call my attorney?

And didn't do nothing for my sandwich either.

What in the world has gotten into you two? That was a terrible thing to do.

Mr. Drummond, we weren't trying to scare Mrs. Garrett.

We wanted to scare Cousin Myrtle.

Why? So he'd jump off the chair and through the ceiling.

We think Cousin Myrtle is faking about her neck.

And we don't want any cousin of ours ripping you off.

Well, I am shocked at your behavior.

You could have hurt Mrs. Garrett.

Now, I want you to apologize to her. Go on, I mean it.

We apologize.

I'm sorry.

Oh, you don't have to apologize to me, boys.

Okay, we unapologize.

Mr. Drummond, can't you see?

Your boys were just trying to protect you.

Well, I can protect myself.

I ought to ground you two for a whole month.

No television, no stereo, no movies.

Just ground us. Don't end our lives.

Mr. Drummond, wait a minute.

Don't punish them.

I'm the one who should apologize.

Please don't take it out on the boys.

They were only protecting you.

Look at that. She didn't lash or whip.

I have been faking it.

When I saw how wonderful you are to the boys, I said to myself, Myrtle, for the

first time in your life, There's the birds of happiness flying over your head

and not those pigeons.

So I tried to get a taste of the good life.

But when I seen how much the boys really loved you, I was too ashamed to go on

with it.

Well, Miss Waters, I understand.

And there's nothing for you to be ashamed of.

You're still a cousin in good standing.

Thank you.

Mrs. Garrett, could you please forgive me, too?

I'm very sorry.

As far as I'm concerned, Cousin Myrtle, my refrigerator's always open to you.

Bless you.

Could you boys forgive me?

Yeah, I forgive you. Yeah, so do me and my spider.

Mr. Drummond.

If I hadn't lost my job in Detroit, I wouldn't have never tried to pull this.

So now I'll get out of your hair.

Uh, just a minute.

What kind of work do you do?

Well, I can't be fussy.

Well, I have this friend in Detroit who's in the insurance business. Maybe

could find a job for you.

I accept.

Doing what?

Well, I don't know.

But I think you'd be very good checking out false accident claims.

Love that name.

What a new ham sandwich coming up for Cousin Myrtle.

D, is Arnold and me in trouble over this fighter?

Well, in view of the circumstances, let's just say we can forget it. All

And I'll say what Cousin Myrtle just said.

Different strokes to move the world. Different strokes to move the world.