Original subtitles

Oh, what a pong.

Yeah, well, it's curry today.

Oh, blimey, that'll be yesterday's leftovers.

Curry what?

Curry bubble and squeak.

No, that'll be the day before yesterday's leftovers.

Oh, well, I'll have some in any case.

Oh, don't look very nice.

No, I'll only have the two portions.

Yeah, well, I think I'll just have a cup of tea, thanks, Gwyn.

What's it like, then?

Oh, it's horrible.

I can't eat it.

I just can't eat it. Blimey, it must be bad.

Right, that's it, fellas.

Look, as your stock stewards, I'm here to tell you that the time has come to

lodge an official protest about the canteen grub. Yeah.

It is so horrible that even Olive can't eat it. Oh, mum.

And I'm going to make them to the management.

Either they improve the grub here or we will take industrial action. Yes. Yes.

Are you complaining about my cooking?

No, whatever gave you that idea?

I thought I heard you criticising me. No, no, no, no, you must have taken it

personal, lad. I wasn't criticising you, I was just criticising the grub.

What's wrong with the grub? Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Just like my mother

used to make.

She was a lousy cook and all. You what?

Blimey, I wish her cooking was as good as her hearing. What are you bellyaching

about? Yeah, funny you should put it like that.

Go on, tell her. Yeah, right. Look, missus, we can't stomach your grub no

Now, look, you do something about it or there's going to be trouble, right?

Yeah!

What's going on here, eh?

They are complaining about my cooking.

Oh, that.

Now, look here, the area manager's about, so hurry up and eat your food and

back to work. I am not eating that food.

Good. We'll get back to work now, then. I am warning you, Dracula, there's going

to be trouble.

Now, don't you call me names, you horrible twit. Go on, tell him,

Yes, I will. Now, you listen to me, Harper.

Don't you go round causing trouble here.

You know how difficult it is to get good cooks.

You should be thankful for Mrs Webb, isn't it?

Look, I know she's no blooming cop, but she's the best we could get, you see.

I think you're the best we could get. Well, look, she is not good enough. If

don't do something about this, I'm calling all the lads out.

Most of them are out already in the car, see.

Don't try and be funny. I'm not joking, mate. We're deadly serious, aren't we?

Yes, we are.

We'll beat one night.

We'll beat one night.

Why? Inspector, what is going on, Jesse?

I come here as area manager and I find that the staff are totally out of

control. It's Harper, sir.

He's stirring up trouble again. He's a troublemaker, sir. He's trying to get

men aerated.

It's not me getting them aerated. It's that rotten curry.

Look here, Arthur.

You stop making inseminations about my cooking or I'll thump you.

Jack, it's quite right, sir. That curry was so bad, even... I couldn't eat any

of it. Oh, Batsby Bums has reared her ugly mush, has she? No, no, no, I'm sure

this is a very simple matter that we can very quickly sort out.

What's the trouble?

Well, sir, we have had a lot of complaints about the rotten cooking.

complaints?

I think it's possible you could, you know, vary the grub a bit. Right, that's

it. You can stick your job.

I'm throwing it up. Yeah, that's what we've been doing for weeks.

done, Inspector, yes.

Very good.

Now I have to find a new cook by tomorrow.

Yes, I think you'll find a bit of difficulty there, sir. I won't.

You will.

It's hardly the job for an area manager. You made her leave. You find the

replacement.

Oh, God. What am I going to do now?

I suppose I'd better go home and see what I can rustle up for supper.

Oh, why don't I see you tomorrow?

Yeah, I'll probably find an old tin of baked beans and something in the

cupboard. Oh, that'll be nice.

Your grub looks very delicious, Missy B.

Yes, stew and dumplings, one of me specials. Oh, that'll make a really good

and dumplings.

Yeah, that's what I always say.

Yeah, I'll probably have a bit of bread and margarine with my baked beans.

Oh, now, would you like to stay and have a bit of food with us? Oh, no, no, I

couldn't impose.

Oh, well. Please yourself. No, mind you, are you sure you've got enough?

Oh, yes, there's plenty, Ollie. Get another plate. Okay.

tuck in, everyone.

Oh, no.

Oh, God. Do we have to have him here? Don't I have enough of him complaining

about the food at work all day? Yeah, well, don't you dare complain about this

food. I'm not going to, Mrs. B. It's absolutely delicious.

Here, we can do with you and our canteen.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Now, that is a good idea.

Why is it? What I ought to just come out with. Oh.

How about it, Mrs. Butler? How would you like to come and work down at the

depot, eh?

We could do with a good cook down...

Oh, she could. You cook for Olive.

Oh, yeah.

Go on, Mum. Give it a try. What about it? Oh, well, I don't know. Perhaps it

would be better than sitting around here. And I could do with the money.

Didn't Sam send us anything this week? Yes, his dirty laundry.

Well, you'll earn a few bob down at the depot, Mrs. Butler. It's not their wage,

you know.

Yeah, you'd like it down here. You've got nice people here, you know. Yeah,

who? Like me, for instance.

Shut up. You'll put her off.

Shut up. What about it, Mrs. Butler? Well, I... I don't know, I've done...

on. Well, all right, I'll do it. Oh, that's a bad joke.

She ain't got the job yet, has she?

I'll do my best this time to get you the job, Mrs Butler. Yes, I'll have a word

with the area manager.

I must say, though, that he usually does manage to agree with my ideas.

Your idea was my idea.

Who saw the potential, eh?

Who did all the talking?

Yeah.

Mmm. All right.

Ooh.

Stone cold.

Shouldn't have done all the talking.

Oh,

come in.

Ah. Good morning, sir.

What is it, Inspector?

It's about that canteen affair, sir.

It's been worrying me. Been up all night.

Yes, I've had the same complaint from everyone else.

No, sir, no, up all night thinking about it, sir.

Ways and means of helping you out, sir, Mr Simpson, sir. Yes, what is it? Yes,

well, I think I've got a new cook for you.

Olive Butler's mother.

Olive Butler?

Yeah, Olive Butler, see, you know, the half -dark one with the glasses, the fat

one.

Oh, yes, well, she's a walking recommendation for a mother's cooking, I

Oh, yes, sir. What Mrs Butler can't do with a pork sausage is nobody's

When can she start?

She can start right away, sir. I've got her outside waiting for an interview.

There's no need to bother about all that business.

Whatever she's like, she'll do for now.

I thought you'd like the idea, sir.

I still think you ought to see her first, sir.

All right, bring her in.

I happen to know she could do with the money, sir.

Oh.

Come in, Mrs. Butler. The General Manager will see you now.

Yes, come in, Mrs. Butler.

Sit down.

Thank you, sir.

Not you, Inspector, Mrs. Butler.

Thank you, Inspector.

Now, Mrs. Butler, it's very nice to meet you. I understand that you have family

connections with the bus company. Yes.

Your daughter Olive works here.

Yes, and my son Stan did.

Stan? Yes.

He was the driver.

Yes, Stan Butler, sir. Drove the number 11.

Oh, yes, yes, I remember him. I wish to God I could forget him.

Why did Stan leave, Mrs. Butter?

Oh, well, he's getting a lot more money where he's working now, and there was a

certain person here he didn't... Well, he didn't get on very well with him.

Oh. Oh, yes, I quite understand. Well, Mr. Blake actually has highly

you, so I don't think we need bother about the formality of references.

I take it your husband doesn't mind you working here?

I don't think so.

Why not? He's been dead 20 years.

am a widower myself.

My dear wife passed away 11 years ago.

Oh, really? Have you got any children?

Yes, I have. I have a son. He works in the middle. Really? In a car factory.

fancy. My son Stan works in a car factory.

Extraordinary. Oh, my goodness.

Pardon me.

Well, of course, it's a long time since I went out to work, you know.

During the war, I used to work in a munitions factory.

I made bullets.

Our last cook used to make bullets.

Only she called them wrist holes.

I was foreman in a munitions factory.

Foreman in a munitions factory?

Yes. Your first name isn't Gerald, is it?

Well, yes.

Gerald? Winston, I thought I remembered your face. I'm Mabel Ethel Butler.

You remember me? Mabel Butler? Mabel. You're Albert Butler's Mabel. Mabel?

Yes. Gerald?

Oh, Mabel.

Oh, Gerald.

Oh, blimey.

Oh,

you haven't changed a bit. Neither have you.

Well, I'll be delighted to come here and help you out if I can, you know. Of

course, you realise I don't want a permanent job.

Oh, yes, I quite understand.

Shall I take Mrs. Butler down and show her around the depot? No, no, no, I

do that. Then we can have a chat about old times, eh, Mabel?

lovely Gerald. Oh, yes, Blake. By the way, I must thank you for having the

foresight to bring Mrs. Butler around to see me. Well done. Think nothing of it,

sir. Any time I get an idea, only two will it be forthcoming, Jack. Well,

actually, it was Jack Harper's idea.

Eh? Yes, I've got a bus to get out now, so if you'll excuse me.

Now, of course, you realise that you're doing me a big favour coming down here

and helping me out? Yes.

And if anybody gives you any bother,

particularly a certain person,

Yeah, lovely. Hey, Blackie. Yeah, lovely.

What are you doing here again, anyway?

Well, I haven't had my supper yet, have I?

Yeah, when's my supper coming along? I'm starving.

Yeah, what's up with you, Blackie? You look as if the cat's eating your

goldfish.

Shut up.

You go and get my grub, Olive. Come on. All right, I'll get it for you in a

minute. Yeah, and get me slippers and all.

Yeah, don't let him take advantage of you, Olive. Oh, he doesn't do that.

Nobody ever does that.

Shut up and mind your own business, heart. And remember that an Englishman's

home is his castle.

Look, you're not English. You're from Wapping.

And this isn't your home.

You're only the lodger here. Oh, I'm starving.

I'll go up and get me slippers.

Yeah, well, don't eat them both, Blackie. You'll give yourself tummy

He's not funny. I thought he was very funny.

And you shut up and show a bit more respect on him.

And get this stuff cleaned up with you, like a blooming pigsty. I'm going to

show your mother a few things when he comes in, you see. Like what?

Like I'm going to put a cleaner here, that's what.

Maybe I'd better get his dinner for him.

Oh.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mum.

Yes, Mum.

What, Mum?

Mr Simpson, Mum.

Oh, all right, Mum.

Right away, Mum. I'll get it all done. I'll see you later then, Mum. Bye.

Mr Simpson.

Mum's in a pub with Mr Simpson and she's bringing him home to dinner.

Go on.

Oh, Jack, I'll never get this cleared up. Yeah, you're staying for dinner.

me clear it up. Yeah, all right. I'll give you a hand.

Now, would you two be nice?

I see you've got him preparing my supper, then.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

If I can help somebody, you know the same, Blackie. A friend in need.

Well, it's nice of you to say it. Well, come on, hurry up, then I'm probably

more starving.

I bet you're starving and all, aren't you? Yes, I am.

I'm not talking to you, you twit. I'm talking to Gordon.

Gordon? Yeah, Gordon. And you're a lovely fella, aren't you? Oh, yeah,

Here, can you tell them apart?

Of course I can. That's Gordon and that's Mary.

Annette. Who's that? Annette.

There's another one in there.

You leave my goldfish alone.

They're just going to clean their water out.

Do you want a drop of salt on their tail?

I'll do it in the bathroom.

We must get this room ready.

Please, Annie, up, Jack.

Oh, right. Of course.

You'll have to take us as you find us. Oh, Mabel, no standing on ceremony.

This is my daughter, Ollie.

Ah, hello, Ollie.

Hello, sir.

And you're now Jack Harper.

Oh, hello, Jack. Nice to meet you on your home ground, so to speak. Who is

Well, sit down, Gerald. Oh, may I? Thank you. Oh, where's Mr. Blight?

He's not here, is he? Yes, I'm afraid so, sir. He's just gone upstairs to do

something to his fish.

Oh, lads, you've started the vegetables.

Would you like to finish and peel the potatoes? Well, of course, Mrs B.

Gerald,

I've left them right outside.

Here you are, Mrs Butler.

Now, where do you think you've been, eh? What do you think you're up to?

You pull yourself together, I'm telling you. Well, enough of this.

I'm going to set up with you.

I am here as a guest of Mrs. Butler.

And I had no idea this was your own personal chair.

Oh. Oh, that's it.

That was a joke, wasn't it? It's a joke, yeah.

You see, yeah, well...

I come in sometimes and I find Harper sitting in my chair, you see, sir, and I

come along and I say, get out of my chair!

And we all have a good laugh, don't we?

It's a joke, isn't it? Yeah, well, we know you think it's very funny, don't

Mrs B? Yes. Well, set the table, Jack.

I'll set the table, Mrs Butler.

You will?

Yes, well, I always do, don't I? Oh, really?

All right.

Well, you know your porn in black a tablecloth. Yeah, it's in the usual

Trying to make me look a fool in front of out. No, you

don't need the help from me You are a very lucky man to be living here very

cheap too so cheap He's talking about cheap by four pound a week limit Four

pounds. I would have thought in this area Mrs. Butler would have got at least

five. Yeah, that's what I think, sir.

Well, I think that four pounds is fair for bed and breakfast and an evening

meal. And an evening meal.

Then I think it should be at least six.

Yes, and it keeps his goldfish here too, sir.

Well,

of course it is none of my business. No, sir.

Sir.

I think you ought to give Mrs.

Butler at least six pounds a week.

Would you mind raising my rent, Mrs. Butler?

I'm sure she wouldn't mind, eh, Mrs. Bates?

And these are the goldfish, are they? Yes, they're Jordan and Mary, sir. Yes,

they may well be, but don't you think it's cruel keeping them in captivity in

little tiny round bowl like that? They must go nearly mad going round and round

and round all day.

Will you get a square bowl for me?

I'll tell you what, let's all sit down and have supper.

Gerald, sit there. Olive, sit there. Jack, sit there.

That's right, and we'll all have a nice... Oh, thank you.

There. Now, we'll all have a nice little drink.

And where are you going, Inspector? What about your supper?

I'm going upstairs with me goldfish.

Yeah, well, don't eat them both at once, Blackie.

Well, cheers, Gerald.

Cheers. It's very happy to have you in my house. It's nice to be with you

Oh, no.

Don't tell me Mr. Simpson's coming here again tonight.

No, he isn't. Supper will be ready in about an hour. An hour?

Yeah. Mr. Simpson's taking Mum out for dinner in a restaurant.

What? Yeah, I'm getting you supper for you tonight.

Get

out, Marty.

It's not your chair, Dracula. a shovel.

Don't you call me names, you.

I'll bet it's about enough of you are, but I'll tell you, allow Mr. Simpson to

call you Jack last night. He'll be calling me Cyril next.

All right, Cyril. Don't you dare.

That's what Dracula says, you better. Will you shut up?

Now, what's going on here?

Mrs. Butler's gone out alone to have dinner with Mr. Simpson.

I can smell something fishy.

Yeah, that's our supper.

Is that all this fry in your goldfish?

Get out of that chair, Art. We're coming.

Look, you twit. You're only an inspector.

Mrs B is a friend of the management. So is Olive. So am I.

We've got friends in high places, mate.

Ah, there.

That looks lovely.

It better be, you know. It is, I'm telling you. That's my second helping.

And mine.

Your second helping's got more than my first helping. Oh, so is... It is. Oh,

what a bit of bad luck. It's not bad luck at all. It's Mrs Butler, isn't it?

She's deliberately favouring you and giving me less. It's a blooming

You and your family are all against me, aren't you?

You're deliberately undermining my authority by not giving me enough to

Well, I reckon he's got plenty to go to you, Ollie. He's got a nice bit of meat

there, lovely carrots, potatoes. Take your filthy fingers out of my food, will

you? Look at that. You've got more of my food on your fingers than there is left

on the plate.

I've had as much as I can take of this, I'll tell you.

I'm not getting fed at home. I'm not getting fed here.

I'm fed up. Ah, that don't make sense. Shut up. Shut up? Yeah. Shut up?

Who do you think you're talking to?

I'm still the inspector here, you know.

And what are you doing here, Harper? You were supposed to finish your lunch ten

minutes ago.

I'm going to go and see Mr Simpson about you. Yeah, funny you should say that. I

was going to have a word with Gerald about you.

Gerald? Gerald?

Yeah, he's our mate, isn't he? Look, you can't shove us around anymore. We've

got influential friends.

Influential what?

You heard.

Now, listen.

What's going on here? Now, you keep your nose out of this, Mrs Butler, and you

speak when you're spoken to. Oh, look, she can speak when she likes to. She's a

friend of Gerry's, and don't you forget it. Well, Jack, I don't think you ought

to speak to Mr Black like that.

Why not? He can't do nothing to us, not now that we're friends with Gerald.

Yeah, if he's not careful, he'll be looking for a new job tomorrow.

Listen, mate, your days are shoving us around her over.

We don't have to take it anymore. We're friends with the management, aren't we,

Mrs B?

Well, yes, Jack, but I think you ought to know that Mr Simpson's leaving next

week. They are, you great big ugly strip, you what?

Oh, yes, when I had dinner with him last night, he was talking about his

retirement. He's going to live in Skegness by the seaside. And he asked me

I'd like to go out and visit him.

Yeah, well, would you like my seconds, Blakey? I'm not hungry anymore.

No,

I didn't think you would be either, Barbara.

Thank you very much, Mrs Butler. It's a very useful piece of information.

Not at all, Inspector.

Now then, Harper, your meal break is over, mate, and so is your little game.

Now you put your food down.

Pull your socks up and get your bus out.

No!

And the lot of you, come on out!

I'll have a bit more meat if you don't mind.