Original subtitles

It's freezing cold.

It's freezing cold.

The hot water's freezing cold.

Holly! Holly!

What's the matter? What are you shouting about?

The hot water's freezing cold.

How am I supposed to shave in freezing cold water? Me prisoner's all frizzled

up.

So have you had to shave them then?

It's because of you. You should knock the hot water up, innit? What are you

talking about? I haven't even had a wash yet. I've been outside.

for you to finish.

I'll leave, I'll leave. How am I supposed to do the washing up when you

up only hot water?

It's not us two, Mrs Butler, it must be you. What, did you get up in the middle

of the night and have about six bowls, did you?

Don't you speak to me like that.

This is my house, not yours. You're just a lodger here.

And my son's dad may be home any minute now.

And then you'll be out. I'm sorry, Mrs Butler, but I am paying for hot water,

you know, not a basin full of ice.

I'm not coming penguin, you know.

That's the moment of opinion.

You shut up. It's because of you washing your hair six times a day that I had to

go and put the thermostat up yesterday.

Oh, so it was you.

You've broken the heater.

Fiddling about with it.

What are you talking about, fiddling about with it? All I did was turn... Now

you've broken it off. Well, you'll have to pay to have it repaired.

Well, hurry up about it, because I want to have a bath.

Bath? It's not Friday, you know.

look after my personal hygiene. From now on, I'm having a bath every day.

Oh, are you courting, love?

What's that got to do with it? Oh, I know the signs. Bath every day.

Only two helpings are put in last night. She must be courting.

Mum, I've only been divorced a few weeks. Well, that's a dangerous time,

Oh, I'm so happy for you. What's he like?

Have you asked her to marry him yet?

Mum, there isn't anyone. I just don't fancy men anymore.

Just as well they never did fancy you.

Is there anything like you? I'm very glad.

Oh, now, stop arguing.

You'll be late for work. It's after eight o 'clock. Eh?

It's late already.

Here, come on, get out. You're supposed to be on duty.

I haven't had a wash yet. I want to use the watsit.

Well, you'll have to do without both of them. We're running a public service,

not a blooming public convenience.

Oh, we'll have to do without the shame. Oh, I'm late.

Blimey, the general manager's in the state this morning, isn't he? Yeah. Ah,

well, never mind about him. Where are we going tonight, then? Ah, well, tell you

what, Joyce, I thought we'd go round my place.

They're all away, see?

I've got the place to myself.

Well, I don't know. Don't know whether I should.

Ah, what are you worried about? There'll be no one there.

That's what I'm worried about.

Get out of my face. Look, I'll see you round my place about half past eight,

right? All right, then. You talk me into it.

Don't freak out the way I'm late.

I'll see you later, darling.

Hey, lad, if I saw you were on the early...

I'm panicking for you. You're only half an hour late. I haven't even had a wash

yet. There was only cold water at our... Oh, don't look at me.

Don't worry, love. I won't.

Come on.

Get your pussy down. We're enjoying your light. Come on. Get out. I can't go

yet. I haven't even washed my face. I must look awful.

Yeah. Never mind.

Passengers are used to it now, aren't they? Come on. Get out.

Thank you, Harper. Come on. It's got no work to do, mate. All right. All right,

blue beard. Don't get your knickers in a twist just because you got up late and

didn't have time to shave.

All right. They didn't get up late. The immersion eater was up to spout and

there was only cold water.

Here, I inquired in a shop on the way down.

Ten pound for a new one. I can't afford that sort of money.

Late? It's up there, manager.

Oh, come along. Get your bus out. We ain't going to bow for you, lazy devil.

Good morning, sir.

Late.

Shorty at last, I see.

Glad to have you with us on the team.

My pleasure, sir.

Had a little trouble tearing ourselves away from the land of Nod, did we?

Oh, very...

It's not very good, Blake. It's bad, very bad.

Yes, it's very bad, sir. I expect you to set an example to the men.

Blake, I've heard of five o 'clock shadow, but not at nine o 'clock in the

morning.

Give a shave, man. You look like a great hairy ape.

What are you loafing about for? Get to work. I've been waiting half an hour for

Mr Blake to sign my waiver, sir.

Let me see what happens.

An inspector comes in late.

And the old depot comes to a standstill. Now, you get a grip of yourself if you

want to stay an inspector, that is.

Give me that way, Billy, you creep.

I'll get you for this, Harper. All right, simmer down, Blakey, simmer down.

Look, I reckon I can do you a favour, mate. Day I need any favours off you,

Harper, I'll chuck myself under a bus. Good. This one's coming in now.

Still, I mean, if you want to chuck ten quid away, mate.

Huh? Harper?

Come here a minute.

You're talking about ten quid. Well, I mean, you just said yourself you've got

to pay ten quid for a new immersion heater. Yeah.

Well, I mean... Bert, I'll see you by the bus.

Come here.

Look, I reckon I know where I can lay my hands on one for about two or three

quid. Sure. I mean, you don't need no favours off of me, do you? No, I was a

short here just now, you know.

Yeah,

well, I mean to say, as you say, nobody wants to chuck ten quid away when they

can get something for free, do they? Six.

Three? Five.

Three. Tell you what, four quid, and I'll come round tonight and give you a

hand. Right, done. Right, four quid, and you've got yourself a brand -new

emergency, mate.

Come on, then.

Hold on a minute.

Where comes it so cheap? Ah, there you go. Look at the gift horse in the mouth.

Yeah, I thought so. Nipped, was it, eh? Yeah, fell off the back of a lorry, I

suppose. I don't want nothing to do with stolen property. Look, it wasn't

stolen. I've got a mate who's in the trade, and he's allowed stuff for

on the cheap.

Oh. Oh, if it's in the trade, that's all right, then.

Yeah.

What's your electrical trade, I suppose, is it? No, thieving trade.

What have you got?

I've got it.

Oh, you've got the immersion heater. Yes, yes.

Keep your voice down.

Look, shove it up your back.

Well, of course it is. It's just that if the other fellas see it, they'll all

want one. What are you trying to do?

Gentlemen.

Come here, sir.

There's no hot water in the canteen. Oh, isn't there, sir? Oh, look into that

right away. I already am.

Oh. It's the immersion heater.

Oh, it's broken, is it, sir? Oh, there they do do. No, not broken. Gone. Gone,

sir.

Yes, the element, sir. The element burns out. Go, sir. Not just the element. The

old thing's gone.

Completely vanished.

It's been stolen, Blake.

Stolen?

Oh, I mean, that's ridiculous. I mean, who'd steal it?

Oh, God.

What are you fidgeting for, Blake? Stand still.

I think I have to excuse myself.

I've got to go to the gym, sir.

Oh, this silver side looks lovely.

Shall I help you, ma 'am? No.

love. You just sit there and look pretty.

We'll just sit there.

Would you like to serve, Inspector?

Oh, yes, Mrs. Butlers. I would, yeah. I might get a fair share of that, mate.

There you are. Oh, it looks nice, doesn't it? There's a bit of that.

A bit of this?

Yes. Oh, this is lovely, isn't it? Oh, a beautiful silver side.

Oh, lovely. I love salt beef.

I'm going to really enjoy this, Mrs Butler. I'm sure you will. My little

cooked it.

Yeah, well, I'm so blooming hungry even that wouldn't stop me. Well, you have

got a lot of work to do tonight, you know. Putting in the immersion heater.

Yeah, that'll only take about ten minutes. I'll get outside of that as

get outside of this beef.

The beef is awful.

There's nothing wrong with the beef. It's delicious.

It's all salt.

It is a little bit salty. Now, did you soak it, like I said?

Yeah, I soaked it in salt.

You great sweat. You're not supposed to soak it in salt. It is salt beef.

How much salt did you use?

Only a cupful.

Can I have a cup of water?

Hello, what's up?

I think it's only on him's cooking again, that's all. Oh, darling, haven't

had your dinner yet?

Yes, I've had it, all right. Now, come on, let's get our immersion eater fixed.

I want to limp back next door. My bird's coming round.

All right, we're supposed to turn the water off first. Yeah, don't you turn

water off, do you like? I've got a jug full of water.

Hurry up, here, come on. There you are. I've got a wrench from the stores.

All right, here.

I'll turn it off. Come here, come on in.

Oh, excuse me. Got that wrench here? Yeah, yeah.

Come here, do us a bit. That'll do it.

Right. You turn it off to the left, right? No, wrong. You turn it off to the

right. Oh, yeah. Well, I was just testing it. Well, make sure you turn it

off. I'm turning it right off.

Ah, that's it.

That's right off now.

Yeah.

Have a turn, yeah?

Hello.

What's this water running out of here?

I thought you said you drained the tank off. Yeah, well, of course I did. That's

just a few drops of water left around the thread of the nut. I tell you, mate,

that tank will be as dry as a bone by now. Go on, take it out.

There you go.

Come on, hurry up, then.

He's talking about airlock. That's not air, that's water.

I know what you've done. You forgot to turn on the tank. I'll have to drain the

tank in the roof, didn't you?

Ah, yeah, that could be it, yeah.

Well, then, Mum, bum the new heater in. That'll stop it up. Right, you hold it,

then. When I say go, you pull that aside and I'll bum this in.

Right, go.

What's he writing?

It won't go right in.

Well, why won't it go right in, then?

Because it's the wrong type, you great nit.

It's supposed to be about half as long as that. No, it's banging against the

back.

Well, don't stand there laughing, you great squid. Do something. What are we

going to do?

Well, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going back next door. My bird's

coming round.

You're not going back next door, mate.

It's all your fault. We're getting the wrong type.

Well, look, don't worry about it. I'll take it back tomorrow, change it for a

short one, right? Go on up there.

You stay here.

Look at it, it's pouring out of his nose a bit.

It's all drained out now anyway.

Look, it's all running away through the floorboards.

It's running through the floorboards, I tell you.

Yes, so it is. Oh, thank goodness for that.

Where's it going?

It's no good, Mum. I can't stand it much longer. If I don't get a drink of water

soon, I'll go raving mad.

Try and hold out, love. We're bound to get something to drink soon.

Oh, here.

See that? Most of it's still up there. Yeah, you'll have to whack all that down

and re -plaster it. Eh?

Don't talk wet.

All we've got to do is pierce that, drain it off, and then when it dries

it'll all draw itself up again. Will it? Got a bucket, Mrs Butler? Yes, here.

Right, stand back, ladies. This is a man's work.

Oh, honey, I'm just longing for a cup of tea.

All right, Mrs Butler, I'm...

best mate, but I'm not Moses.

Darling, nine o 'clock, Joyce is late. Ah well, women always are.

Stay out there, mate. She's worth waiting for.

Nice drop of Spanish plonk.

That ought to get her going.

Well, it'll get me going anyway.

Oh, I can hardly wait. Come to my arms, you gorgeous lump of woman.

What did you call?

Darling, I've just gone off women.

Can I use your bathroom, please? We've got no water at home. Yeah, well, I know

that, don't I? Look, out of all the people in the street, why do you have to

pick on me?

Well, you messed up our plumbing. Yeah, all right, then. But look, hurry up.

I've got a bird coming round.

All right, I won't be long. I'm just going to have a bath and wash my hair.

Oh, God.

Blimey.

Oh, that must be Joyce.

Come on, Joyce, darling. Nice to see you.

I'm sure this was the right place. Oh, this is the right place, all right. I

hope I'm not too late. Ah, never too late for me, girl.

Cool, we got the old place to ourselves, right?

Matthew? Here, fancy a drop of the old vino, then? Just a drop. Yeah, well, say

when.

When?

Nearly went over the top there, didn't we, eh?

Do you mind if I go upstairs?

Oh, blimey, you're an awful fast worker, aren't you? Come on in.

To the bathroom.

Oh, yeah, see what you mean. Yeah, it's first on the left top of the store, it

says. Excuse me. Oh, Jack, could I borrow your cloak, please? I forgot to

mine. Yeah, go on, help yourself.

Tom, excuse me.

What's she doing here? Oh, she's just having a bath.

Charming. Oh, look, what are you doing? Look, we haven't even started yet. As

far as I'm concerned, we've just finished.

I'm not going to be one of your harem.

No, but Joyce, look, it's not like... Oh, I'm dying for a cup of tea,

before I go to bed.

I know what I'm dying for.

Well, why don't you get next door and use Jack's? No, thank you, Mrs Butler.

I'll never ask him for another favour as long as I live.

Well, you don't wait too long, you know. You might do yourself a mischief.

I think I have done.

Well, I'll tell you what.

I'm going next door.

And I'm going to ask Jack if I can have a kettle of water.

So, you see, love, she just came round here because they've got no water next

door. Oh, well, that's different, then. Yeah, look, we shan't be disturbed

again. Oh, good. Now, come on, let's have a little kiss, eh?

Oh.

Excuse me, Jack.

Oh, sorry, love.

Could I have a kettle of water? Yeah, help yourself, Mrs B.

Oh, thanks, love.

I began to think, if I didn't have a drink, I'd have to go potty.

Oh. What's the matter?

Oh, it's the running water.

Do you mind if I just nip upstairs for the year and... This room's like them in

Piccadilly Circus. No, look, darling, she won't be long. Now, Clive, I'll sit

down. Go on. Let's have a little kiss, eh? Go on.

Excuse me, darling. Oh, it's you, is it?

I've got to use your watsit.

Well, you can't. It's full up. Mrs B's in there. Well, get her out of here.

got to go.

Yes, so have I. Well, Joyce, listen, you haven't got to go. I'm not staying

here. It's a blooming public convenience.

Oh, don't say that word. It makes it worse.

Usually you just start trying to do it.

There you are. There you are.

Water bowl.

Get that up and turn it on.

Five minutes of this.

I'll turn it off, then.

Oh, I've can't. Why not?

He ain't got a little tap. He's got one of them square things. We need a proper

key to turn it. Yeah, I can see that.

No, well, that's all right. We'll make one at work during the lunch hour.

Oh, yes. We're going to need special permission for that. Well, that's all

right. We'll get it.

Come on, then.

OK.

There you go, mate.

There's your hole.

It'll be a cross piece to go through like that. See?

All right?

You didn't get permission to use this workshop during the lunch break, didn't

you? Well, of course I did. Oh, good. Who from?

You.

Tweek? No, no, it's not a bad job, though, you must admit. Yeah, it's a

job, that, yeah.

That's a nice pole, that, isn't it?

It's like one of the poles they have on the buses that the passengers hang onto,

isn't it? Yeah, it is.

Eh? That's all right, I took it off my own bus.

Don't put it back on again, you twink.

Don't, oh, Dove. Look, it's a spare one out the stores, isn't it?

Yeah, I bet you stole it, didn't you? Like you did that new immersion that you

got an old.

Here you go, looking a gift horse in the mouth again. Now, come on, light that

blow lamp. Look, we've got to hammer this end square so it'll fit onto the

stopcock in the street. Right, come on then. Blow the lamp on there.

I'll hammer it square.

There you go, mate. Look at that. Lovely job, eh?

Yes, you made a very good job with it, Harper.

I must say, you're a very good mechanic, actually.

You're a much better mechanic than you are a conductor, anyway.

It's not so much for you, is it?

Heads up, gentlemen. It's a quick -hider pole.

Hey, will you? Look, shut down the trance.

I'm squeezing cold.

Oh, there you are, Blake.

What's that funny burning smell?

It's a serious idea.

What is going on around here? Nothing, sir. Nothing.

You call it nothing?

Yesterday, there was no hot water in the canteen. Today, there's no hot water in

the rest of the depot. Oh, no.

Oh, yes, Blake.

Not another immersion eater, sir.

Yeah. Curious, isn't it, Blake? Yes. This time, the thief took the immersion

eater out of the washroom tank.

Yeah, but he put the other one back in the canteen tank.

Yes, he did.

Do you know anything about it? Oh, nothing, sir. Now, I don't know nothing

the missing stopcock, neither.

What missing stopcock? That was taken out of the washroom, too.

We had to get the waterboard in to turn off the water.

Yes, but we should have, Dad. You what?

Nothing, sir, no.

I don't know no more about it than he does, sir.

Do you mind if I go out, sir? It's very odd.

I must go and call off.

Here we are.

Let's get that turned off.

And we'll have this new stock cock fitted indoors.

Don't let me see it. I've had just about as much as I can take.

Right, all right. Come on, get the plate off, then.

Give us that key, we'll see if it works.

Well, of course it'll work.

Yeah.

Are you sure it's all right to do this?

Well, of course it's all right.

Now, hurry up before someone catches us, eh?

I was only joking.

I'll do it myself.

Put your mack around me, then no -one will see what we're doing.

We've been turning it the wrong way.

Oh, God.

I've

made

a nice cup of tea, Inspector.

It's downstairs.

All right, love, I'll be right down.

We've done the stopcock under the sink. Harper's gone out in the road to turn

the water on. Oh. Oh, good, cos I would like to use the bathroom, wouldn't you,

Ollie? Yes, when it's all right.

Is it all right now?

No, no, no, not now. Give us a chance, for God's sake. No, you'll be able to go

in a minute, love, it'll be clear then. What's all that water coming out of the

fuse box?

Oh, it's not water, love, it's just condensation.

I'll soon fix it.

Oh, no, please.

Inspector, please.

Come downstairs and have your tea.

Come on, Inspector.

Wait. Wait till the electric man comes.

It's all right, Mrs Butler. Now, don't upset yourself. I'll have it done in a

flash. Yeah, there'll be a flash as well.

All right. I know how to do a fuse. I'll soon fix it. Yeah, well, before you fix

a fuse, come downstairs and give us a hand with a stopcock in the street.

Well, you've turned the stopcock in in the seat. I heard the water running up

here. Yeah, you can hear it running down there and all.

Well, of course you can hear it running down there and all. You ought to be able

to hear it running all over the house, didn't you? Yeah, you can hear it

all down the street and all.

Well, that's it. You can hear it running all down the street. Because it is

running all down the street. Look.

What's that?

That's the stopcock. It came off when I turned it on.

It must be running all down the street.

That's what I said.

I think.