Original subtitles

I want a peg. No, no, put them away, Jack. No, no, have one of these. My

Maude brought me back this under from the chalk.

They're duty -free.

Yeah, great.

Here, help yourself, Jack. Oh, thanks very much, I will. Yeah, so.

Oh, blimey, don't stint yourself, will you? Oh, no, I won't, mate. It's off.

Well, we've got to be going then. Yeah, see you later then, darling. Yes.

Oh, blimey. We're getting to smashing tiny clippies around here lately, aren't

we? Not off, mate. Pick the peg up. Come on, let's get the bus out, shall we?

Yeah. Hey, Sputner.

What's up?

What do you think you're doing? Now, come on, put them bags out right away.

Can't you read? Look, no smoking.

Oh, that's all right, Blake. You know, we're just going to take the bus out.

you're not smoking on the bus either.

And in future, anyone caught smoking by their own duty is going to be sacked on

the spot. Ah, God blimey, mate, we've heard all that before.

Oh? Just sacked that bloke who set fire to the paint shop last week.

Oh, God blimey, deserved it, didn't he, you idiot?

And he chucked his fag in a can of thinners. Yeah.

That was a good blaze, though, wasn't it, Sam?

Going like a bomb, wasn't it?

Until he put it out.

Very funny, yeah.

Could have burnt the old paint shop down, the old depot as well, couldn't

eh? Yeah.

And all them firefighting appliances lying idle and all. Yeah, that was a

there, Blake. Now, they should have all been in working order, you know. They

were in working order. Nobody knew how to work them, did they? Oh.

As a matter of fact, that's why you're all staying late tonight. They have a

course of instruction on firefighting.

Oh, no.

And all because some idiot from the paint shop walked about on the floor

fag stuck in his mouth all day. Yeah, like you.

Come on.

Yeah,

well, come on, then. Sign me away, Bill.

It's quite right, you know, Stan. You do smoke a lot.

You can talk.

Listen, mate, I spoke for pleasure, boy. If it got me like it's got you, boy,

I'd pack up tomorrow.

Yeah, not today, though.

Listen, son, I can pack up any time I like. All right, I'll bet your father

couldn't. Well, I mean, that's...

All right?

You're on. Done. Blackie, witness this. If I catch him smoking, he gives me a

fiver. Yes, and I give him the sack.

Come on.

This is a bus, that man, not a bloody betting shop. Get that bus out. Oh, all

right, all right, all right.

What a

fag, mate.

Yeah, you know, you don't catch me like that, mate. No, I'm not.

Do you know what, Jack?

I haven't wanted a fag all day long.

You'll never keep it up, mate. Look at you, gasping for one already.

I'd soon have a jelly baby any day.

Like I believe that, you've eaten three pound of them since this morning.

Go around and pay attention now.

You all know why you've been ordered to volunteer at the Stay Behind tonight,

don't you? Well, I'll tell you. It shows I can give you a course of instruction

on what to do should a fire break out on your bus.

Now then, what is the very first thing we do?

When we discover a fire has broken out on the bus. We all run like hell.

Keep me going till the brigade gets here.

There's no laughing matter, you know. It could be dangerous. It could be

somebody hurt, couldn't there?

It could be somebody unconscious.

Would you know what to do if somebody unconscious is on your bus? Oh, don't be

silly, Blake. It's not likely, is it?

On your bus, mate, there's always somebody unconscious.

Blooming driver.

Howdy.

If there's somebody unconscious, we've got to rescue them, haven't we? And we

this by using the fireman's lift.

Harper, come out here a minute, will you?

I'm going to demonstrate on you.

Oh, Blackie, I never knew you cared.

And twit.

We now go on to artificial respiration.

Mouth -to -mouth resuscitation, otherwise known as a kiss of life.

Blimey, now you're talking, mate. Come on now.

Butler, will you stop it and pay attention to me a minute?

Well, I'm not giving you the kiss of life, mate.

In this, you lay the patient well back, pulling the chin down, open the mouth

wide, like that, there, pinch the nostrils, and placing your lips over

mouth, so.

And you fill their lungs with air.

Then you remove your lips. Remove your lips. And watch the chest move. Watch

chest move.

Harper, Harper, remove your lips at once, will you? Come on, come on. I was

practising. Oh, you don't need any practising, Jack. You're perfect

Stop it!

You're supposed to be watching the chest movements there.

Yeah, I am. They're lovely.

Oh, all right. We'll scrub round that one.

The second method.

is when you lay both people on the floor, right? Right, OK. I'll do that

I'll tell you what. I don't want any information because I saw him do it.

Butler!

Lay on the floor.

Come on. Hey, this is getting better all the time.

Oh, yeah, darling.

Blakey, I'm going to enjoy this, mate.

So am I.

Pretend to be unconscious now, will you? All right, yeah, pretend to be

unconscious. Gladys!

Yes, Inspector?

You know the Sylvester Method, don't you? Yes, sir.

Demonstrate on Butler, will you, please?

Well, hang on a minute. Hang on, hang on.

Go down. You're supposed to be pretending to be unconscious.

Well, blimey, by the time she is finished with me, I won't be pretending.

telling you.

Now, you reserve that Gladys fold his hand across his chest. Fold his hand

across his chest, love. Well, she's lying me up before she kills me.

He then leans well forward, throwing her whole weight upon his diaphragm, right?

Then she throws his hands wide and leans well back. Lean well back, lovey.

Come on, lovey. Lean back. Lean back.

Lean back.

Lean well back, love.

Come on.

Get up out of it, butler. Don't make a meal of it.

You're supposed to be doing artificial respiration, not all in wrestling, you

know. I'll tell you what, mate.

By the time she's finished giving you your artificial respiration, you need

kiss of life.

Tang, did you give up smoking when I've got an appetite?

There's hardly any food left for the rest of us. Yeah, I was so hungry last

night I couldn't sleep a wink.

You don't have to tell me.

No, Stan, there's only one big point. You'll have to take up smoking again.

Yeah, you must be kidding me. Give Jack a fiver, no fear.

No. I feel healthier and I can taste all my food properly.

You seem to have managed to taste most of ours, don't you, mate?

Oh!

You stupid great knit!

Look where you left your knitting!

Well, don't drop me stitches.

Oh, now.

That's it, right?

I enjoyed that. Yes?

With the jelly babies.

Oh, dang!

You're over, see?

Well, but...

She's been up with jelly babies.

Olive! I only had a few.

A few?

There was nearly a pound there this morning. You nearly scoffed a lot.

No, I didn't. I left you all the black one.

Oh, shut up. Well, leave my sweets alone, you greedy pig.

Don't talk to your sister like that. You know, I brought you both up. I shared

everything. Well, she's not sharing my sweets.

Tan, I'm ashamed of you.

If your poor father was alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.

I'm sorry, Tan.

But I'd eat something.

Well, take your thieving hands off of my sweets, then.

Do you mind not shouting at my wife? I'm not shouting at your wife. Yes, you

are. You're shouting at her. I'm not shouting at you.

Ever since you gave up smoking like a bear with a sore hand. He certainly is.

See that? He's jealous. He's jealous. Because he hasn't got the strength to

to pack up smoking himself, he doesn't want me to pack up either. No.

Because... You're joking, mate.

I could pack up this very moment if I wanted to.

I don't see why not. You've packed up everything else.

Pack up, darling. You pack up.

Love you smoke like Vesuvius, mate.

You couldn't pack up. I bet you a Bible you couldn't.

Do you mean that?

Of course I mean it.

You wouldn't care to make that a tenner, would you, mate?

Yes, I would.

Right, you're on.

A tenner.

And mind you, that works both ways.

Don't worry, mate. I won't smoke again.

By the way, sunshine, I think you'll find some...

Bullseyes in my raincoat pocket.

Bullseyes? Now,

give it to me. I can have them as well as you. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

Now,

hand them round nicely.

Then we can all have one.

Okay. One for now. Right.

And one for later.

It's so good playing games, eating sweeties.

If we're going to give up smoking, let's do it properly.

I suggest the first thing we do is to throw all our fags into the fire.

What fags?

Come off it, mate. You've still got your share of the juicy freeze on the

sideboard. Come on, get them. I've got mine here.

Oh, down the way! All right, don't worry, Mum. That's what he wants.

Come along.

After three.

One and two.

And three.

I'm here. You're cheating, aren't you?

No, Arthur, no.

How typical of your family. How typical.

No self -control.

What do you mean, no self -control? We've got to have self -control.

What up with you?

Oh, my goodness me, I do feel tired.

I think I'm off to bed. Good night, all. Good night.

By the way, Olive, I'll take your knitting bag up for you.

I know how you like having a little knit in bed. Yeah.

That's why she married you.

Arthur, would you like me to come up with you?

Oh, no.

No. No, I'm going to wash my hair.

Oh, yeah? Which one?

Well, in that case, I'll keep my knitting bag down here. Oh, no. No.

Look, look, I'll tell you what.

Perhaps we could have a early night.

All right? Oh.

Here, since I was giving up smoking, it seems she made a new man out of him.

Well, let's face it, love.

Olive didn't get much joy out of the old one.

Blimey, don't, the fag.

Oh, blimey, I'm going to have one.

Oh, blimey, don't.

Pockety, pockety.

Must be a dog in somewhere.

Arthur, where are you going now?

I'm just going out to the... This is the third time you've been in an hour.

Is your operation troubling you?

Will you shut up?

Would you like to talk about it?

There's nothing to talk about.

You're so right.

Blimey, where? Where?

In the overcoat downstairs, that's it.

Oh, oh, oh.

I was just going... I was just going to near you. No, no, you go first.

I'll assist.

After you.

You're still up, are you?

I suppose you couldn't sleep for want of a fag.

Never had a fag out of your mouth, did you?

Oh!

Sir, you're right, mate. You were cheating, weren't you? No, I wasn't.

You owe me ten pounds, mate.

Oh, don't be... I haven't got ten pounds right. No, but if you go to the post

office first thing in the morning... You can't count that. It was only a little

drag. Yeah.

Well, as it turns out, it was a rather expensive little drag, wasn't it? First

thing in the morning, mate.

Good night.

Oh, goodnight.

Oh, Arthur, at last!

Will you shut up and pass the matches?

What are the matches for?

Because the light's gone out, isn't it?

In your case, it never came on.

I want you to take these two trainee

clippers out with you when you go out, right?

Well, Blakey, I've got news for you.

I'm not taking the bus out. Eh?

Now, what's wrong with you now, then? Nothing wrong with me, Blake. It's

wrong with the bus.

Come and have a look. Come and push on it. Look.

Look at it.

Oh.

What's happened to it?

Well, the wheel bearings are gone, aren't they?

Oh, my God. I've got to get a bus out right away. I've got a single bus left

the old depot.

Oh, well, in that case, me and Jack are taking the two birds up in the canteen.

Come on, Jack. Hang about.

Hang about. You're taking a bus out, mate. Well, you just said you hadn't got

one. Yeah.

I just remembered.

0666 out in the yard.

Oh. Get out of it. That old wreck, as soon as you start it, it stops.

No, Tony, fit for the breakers, you have.

You'd make a good pay -up for you then, wouldn't you?

Come on, take it out as soon as you like.

Jack, I'm going to complain. I don't have to take that bus out, you know.

dangerous on the road. No, no, mate, no, no, no.

We'll take that bus out.

Look, Jack, look, as soon as you start it, it stops.

I mean, it's a stopper. Yeah, mate.

For them two birds, it's goers.

Get me?

Oh, yeah.

What you mean is that every time the bus stops, we get started, don't we? Yeah,

right, mate.

It's an old bus. It's not a bad old crop, really.

Oh, what's that, mate? Bird time, is it?

Nah, just blimmin' old crock. It's overeating.

No, we'll let her stay until she cools down, mate.

It's boiling up. Look at it. Yeah. Well, that's all right. Two birds is boiling

up and all.

Here, how long do you reckon we got?

About as long as it takes.

I tell you what, you take Susie upstairs, I'll take Frida and Zoe.

Go on then, darling. Go on, darling.

I don't know about the radiator, but I'm overeated.

Here, why don't you make your time? Let's have a look.

Do you know we've been here over an hour?

Must have cooled down by now.

Oh, boy.

It's done all smell good, hasn't it? In fact, it gets a puff on.

Oh, God.

Oh, no. Here, come here.

Here, stand back. Oh, yeah.

Uh, there's another bus pulled up behind us. It's probably back here looking for

us. Come on, he's miles away.

What now?

Come on, it's him.

What do you think you're doing?

Look, it's not our fault, mate. It's this old banger you put us on. It's over

-eated. Oh, I know what you've been up to, mate. Now, come on, you two

clippings, get on that other bus. Come on.

Right. Come on.

Right. Turn left at the top of the lane.

I'm turning you two straight round.

You should have been back to the deck. That was halfway back to your barn

Let's get going then, Jack.

Well, come on then.

All right, I'm going.

Right.

And I'm coming with you. Right, change your destination, boys. I'll do

you do downstairs.

Where's Blakey? Oh, he's all right. He's upstairs.

Oh,

come on, let's get him.

Oh, no, it's no good. We'll have to leave him.

Here,

I've got an idea.

You see how much better fencing?

just like you taught us, you know. All right. Go on!

Oh, sorry, sorry.

Okay, go on then. Right -o, Blake.

Go on then. Go on, Blake. Go on, Blake. Go on, Blake.

Go on, Blake.

Go on, Blake. Go on, Blake. Go on, Blake.

Go on, Blake.

Go on, Blake.

Yes, yes, yes, I'll tell him right away, sir.

What's the verdict, Blackie? Have we got the sack?

Sack, nothing.

Go on, tell him, Blackie.

Yes, well, like I say, he...

The manager, in his infinite wisdom, has ruled that the fire was started by 40

wiring. Oh, he was going to tell him that Stan started it with his cigarette

head. Yeah, well, he tried to, but the management didn't want to know. Why's

that? Well, that's because, you see, the insurance company's paying out for a

new bus.

Oh, that's marvellous, then, isn't it? Well, if you think that's marvellous,

won't expect you're going to love this.

Go on, tell him the rest of the play.

Yeah, well, the manager's ordered me to thank the pair of you for saving my

life.

Well, go on, then, thank us.

Thanks.

Blaggy, let's hear you properly.

I couldn't hear you then. Say it a bit louder, will you? Go on, mate. Go on, go

on.

Thank you very much.

Oh, blimey, that nearly killed him.

Because it did, mate, and I'll tell you this. I know how that fire was started,

and if I only had a witness, I'd have you. Yeah, all right, Blaggy, but you

haven't got another witness, have you? So forget all about it.

Well, Jack, I think that's the last we'll hear about Jack smoking for a long

time. Not quite, mate, no. Well, you bet me a fiver that you'd give up smoking,

and you didn't.

Yeah, well, you can whistle for that, mate. Yeah, well, you wouldn't want me

be his witness, would you?

You saved my day, you have.

marvellous, I'll get the company a new bus and it costs me a fiver.