Original subtitles

There you are, Sam. There's something here that'll interest you.

Yeah.

You can say that again.

It says here, risky for bus drivers.

Well, I'll take the risk any day.

Oh, mate, you're looking at the wrong side.

I know. Can you get a turn round?

Listen. Because they spend all their working hours sitting down under

of stress, bus drivers are prone to many illnesses.

Well, what sort of illnesses?

Wait, the list of them there, look.

Well,

I ain't got any of them anyway.

No? And this one at the bottom here.

You can't get that one driving the bus.

What's that then?

Varicose veins.

Oh, yes, you can, mate. Sitting in your bus all day, it restricts the blood

supply to the legs.

And all your veins get hard and knotted up.

Nonsense. Ridiculous. Absolutely right. It is not ridiculous. I'll bet you that

the back of your legs is like a bit of Gorgonzola cheese.

I'll tell you what, mate.

Here. Come on, then.

I'll tell you if you can find anything.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

You've gone all the other way, haven't you?

Look, I know it's legal now, mate, but you can't go doing things like that in

here while people are eating.

Look, mate, it's this article here about bus drivers not living as long as bus

conductors.

Bus drivers have shorter lives.

Oh, God.

It's made my day, that is.

That's a load of rubbish and nonsense, mate. Oh, no, it's not, mate. That's

authenticated. Look here, look, see that? Look, bus drivers have shorter

because of too much sitting down, lack of exercise and too much food.

Yeah, have a bit more pudding. No, don't.

Well, if that's the case, why don't the company do something about it, then?

Well, they do, don't they? They do.

The company run keep -fit sessions for busmen, but you don't attend, do you?

You're unhealthy.

A pair of you. Hello, Stan.

Hello, fat darling.

Looking forward to Saturday night?

Yeah, not at all. Where are we going?

I don't know, but I think of something.

I'll see you.

She's a dolly, isn't she?

You're not carting that little thing out, are you?

Of course I am. Why?

Because you're not fit for it. You read this article. You're not fit for such

things as that.

Don't tell you nothing, mate. I'm fit enough. Don't you worry, boy. You fit?

Yeah. You're out of condition.

No, he's staying up a minute. Look at that. What do you call that then? All

flab. Get your hands off me.

Floppy flab, that is. Get off, get off.

What's the matter with you? Floppy flab, mate.

Everybody's got that. Oh, no, they ain't. You won't find none of that on

mate. Listen, you'll be wearing a corset before you're finished, I tell you.

Why, have you got one to spare?

Look at that, that solid flesh there, look.

Try a grab handful of me then, go on.

I'd rather try a grab an handful of her.

Listen, Butler, if you want to live on, mate, you want to forget about going out

with women and start thinking about coming to the keep trick classes.

Listen, mate, I've got years to go. Yeah, years, mate.

Well, according to this article here, you should have gone six months ago,

Typical, isn't it, eh? Late as usual.

You missed your own funeral.

Now, do you know what? The only thing that keeps me going is the thoughts in

back of my mind that I'll still be here when you're dead and gone out of it.

And it's all... I've no idea if Dan's job is as dangerous as... Oh, there he

He mustn't see this paper. Now, go on, act normal.

Give him a nice smile.

How are you feeling?

I'm all right. What's the matter?

Oh, nothing.

What's up with you? Don't you feel well?

Yes, I was smiling.

Oh, is that what it was? I thought you got the wind.

You are unpleasant.

Oh, Tan, you must be very nice to your sister because you never know when or

where... What are you talking about? What's all this when or where business?

What's the matter? Oh, nothing. I have the kettle boiling. I make the tea.

Well, I'll run upstairs and have a wash then. Oh, no. No, no. No, no, you

mustn't run.

Why not?

Well, it might be bad for you.

Ha, ha, ha, I've got it. You read the article in the paper where drivers pop

early, hadn't you? Yeah, ha, ha, ha. Here, it's all exaggerated, isn't it?

of course it is, Mum.

Is this Shannon?

Yes.

That's Arthur. I haven't shown the paper to him because I didn't want to worry

him. Shh, where is he?

Ha, ha, ha.

Have you seen that article, mate?

God.

You shouldn't have shown him that paper.

Anyway, it isn't true, is it? Well, I hope it is, otherwise I'll be laughing

head off all day for nothing.

Arthur. Never mind me, old sir. I'm sure you've got a few days left.

Oh, shut your face.

Well, of course, the worst of it is, love, you not being married. It's said

married men live several years longer than bachelors. Yeah, well, that's a

fallacy. It just seems longer.

It is not. It says here that married men live longer than bachelors.

And women live longer than men.

And conductors live longer than drivers.

Well, if that's the case, I'd better get married, change my sex and become a

clippy.

It's no joking matter.

I've no idea. A busman's job was so bad.

It's all that sitting down all day. It's bad for your heart. Yeah, don't do your

backside much good either.

No, love, I think you ought to do something about it. Look, well, it says

there's a whole list.

Of all the activities you can do, the... Well, I don't think they should have

included that.

Blimey, I didn't know it was equal to a five -mile walk.

Oh, Arthur, fancy that.

Well, personally, I think I prefer a five -mile walk.

Don't be so rude.

Oh, no, love, you must do something about it. Well, darling, don't you worry

about me. I'm fit, I'm fit. Oh, don't talk a lot of rot. You're putting on

weight, mate.

What are you talking about? Regular little chubby chops we're becoming.

Get off.

What are you talking about, chubby chops? There's nothing wrong with me,

Well, might be putting a little bit on my face.

On your face?

Yeah. What's that, then?

Double chin. Get your hands off me!

That's muscle, mate, muscle.

Muscle? That is fat, mate. You need to go on a diet. A diet?

I'm only five pounds over. What do I want a diet for?

Five pounds.

Hey, there's half a pound of lard, mate. Well? That means you've got ten of them

stuck all round your middle.

You exaggerate. Look, mate, I'm hungry, and when I'm hungry, I want to eat. And

I want to eat right now, so come out of it. Mum, I'll pour you out a cup of tea,

will you? Righto, my love.

Look, mate, with your sedentary occupation, a man of your age ought to

more than eat less.

Perhaps he's right, love.

Bosh, pass over the butter, Mum.

All right, all right. It just so happens I was reading about this subject only

the other night. You just listen, Eddie.

You don't believe me? Where are we? Go on, go on, carry on, carry on.

Here we are.

American research proves that obesity can be a killer once you reach over 35.

Every pound overweight is a year off your life.

Men in sedentary jobs are four times more likely to die young.

Slowly the fat creeps up on them.

Then one day the walls of their arteries become clogged by fatty deposits.

Then everything gets obstructed.

Over the years, one extra slice of bread can make the difference between life

and an early death.

Blimey, you've put me right off, big teen, haven't you?

If you're worried about weight, why don't you start on olive?

Blimey, if it's going to shorten my life by a few years, oh, blimey, her life

must be hanging on a thread.

The thought had occurred to me.

Well, I'll tell you what, Jack.

I'm not going to let it worry me.

I'm going to eat what I like, when I like, and how I like, mate.

And I'll take my exercise when it comes.

Yeah, good idea.

And here it comes now.

Hello, Dan.

Hello, darling. How are you, love? All right.

Yeah? You two want to take me out?

Yeah, of course. Why?

Well, you see, they've opened this new dance place in the I Street, the Cave,

Half -Night.

Yeah? Can we go there?

Yeah, of course you can, yeah.

Oh, I didn't know you could dance.

Well... Oh, well, if you don't fancy it, Joe said he'd take me. Yeah, of course

I will, doll. Don't know why you want to go with an old geezer like him for it

anyway.

You want to shut your mouth?

You want to get your mother to cut your hair and all?

Sorry, they wouldn't let you in with him, love.

They don't allow two girls to dance together.

Hey, I thought it was to do.

Here. Here.

Do you shake?

Oh, what?

Shake.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just went out and got these yesterday.

It's coming right up in the chart. I can't wait to hear it.

Here, Jack.

What else to shake?

Yours. just about to find out.

Oh.

Come on, Dan!

I'll get you another cup of tea. Yeah, all right, I'll get skipped off then,

love.

I'll show you a drink or two, love, don't worry.

Can you do this?

Well, I can do that, but I can't do that.

Oh, come on, I bet you can't do any of it. Yeah, watch me then.

You want to watch it, mate?

I've been shaking with her all night.

Yeah, so could I. But it wouldn't all be on the dance floor.

Of course I am, love.

What's up, mate?

Oh, I've got the stitch.

You sure you're all right?

Yeah, just getting in a groove then, love.

Oh, look at the time. I'm due up. I see you, Stan.

Thank God for that.

Oh, Mummy, that article was right. You are out of condition.

No, it's just that I'm not used to dancing for so long at a stretch, you

Oh, yeah? Well, you have been going for over three minutes.

If I was you, I would forget all about Saturday night.

You don't look fit enough to take part in a tiddlywinks match with the local

Darby and Joan club.

Don't worry, mate. I've got four days to get into condition. I just need toning

up, that's all, yeah. Hey, tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to join that Keith Fitt class, you know, for the busman, you know.

Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. Put me name down for that and... Just tell

you, mate.

Well,

her mother's got nothing to worry about, has she?

I don't know what you mean.

You haven't even got the strength to hold your cup.

Don't pass me going in there now.

Why not? What kind of twit dressed up like this?

So, I don't want Blakey telling me what to do. Listen, mate, you're doing this

for your own good. You're not just doing it so you can get fit for a bird.

I am.

So, there's a lot of new fellas in there that we don't know them. Listen, I've

heard, Till, there's going to be a few clippies in there. There might be a few

sexy bits, eh? Yeah.

I think I'll come and watch. Yeah, well, take that.

All right.

Oh, darling.

I thought you said sexy.

Yeah, well, I might not be sexy, but at least I'm healthy.

Get a load of old droopy drawers.

Listen, Butler, when it comes to physical fitness, I know what I'm

about. I used to train men in the army, you know. Yeah. We start with this neck

exercise, if you'll benefit. Look.

What's that for, then?

They strengthen the neck.

Neck? Blimey, that's no good to him. He just wants to get fit for a bird on

Saturday night.

A bird?

What kind of exercises do you think we're doing?

This is to get Busman's troubles away from him. Yeah, well, that is one of his

troubles.

Look here, I think I'd better tell you this for your benefit about that. Make

very simple, look.

I've got a model here for demonstration purposes.

Now, you'll see that it's based on entirely scientific principles.

Oh, blimey, Dracula rides again.

I didn't know you had to have one of your relatives in to help you.

What are you talking about?

Well, I can see the family likeness there, you know.

This model has been given by the management for demonstration purposes.

Yeah, well, I tell you what, if there's giblet pie on the canteen menu, lay off.

It's been here for months now.

Yeah, so's the pie in the canteen.

Blimey, where'd you get it from?

It was one of the passengers. He got like this waiting for your bus to come

along.

Shut up and let me get on with it.

Now, this is how you sit when you're driving a bus, eh?

Now, you'll notice how his vertebrae here gets all haunched up, pinching his

nerves and causing this tension in the neck here. Hang on a minute, hang on a

minute. How do you know it's an M?

Well, I don't, do I?

Hasn't got any, er...

Label on it, is it?

Oh, for God's sake, what does it matter? I mean, a man or a woman, the frame's

the same. It's only the trimmings that are different, that's all.

Thank God for the trimmings.

You two shut up and let me get on with it. You're holding up all the class

As I was saying, you notice how this bends the vertebrae in the neck here.

in here, step in here. Look, I'll tell you something. I'm a driver, and I

know. Now, I'll tell you where we get the pain. Right in the small of the back

here, mate. That's it. So we want back exercises, right, Jack? That's right,

mate. That's it. That's what I want right then.

Back exercises you want, butler?

Back exercises you're going to get, mate.

Class,

form up in twos, will you?

We're going to do the seesaw.

Butler, step out in the front, will you? Yeah, all right then, Blakey.

Rosie, will you come over here, please?

Now, I want you to pair up with Rosie, right?

Now, come on in.

You know what you're supposed to do, come on. I dread to think, mate.

Harry, give us a demonstration, will you?

Right, on your feet, up.

Yes, that's all right.

Come on, Butler.

Let's see you do it now, come on. Down with Rosie, come on.

Here we go, here we go, that. Get right down.

Ready,

run!

I want me to get her going, mate. I'm telling you.

Come on, Butler. Pull her up. It'll strengthen your back. Come on. Rosie's

a tank. Oh!

What do you think you're doing on top of that woman? Get up out of it. Come on.

I know what you're training for, mate. Get up out of it. He pulled me on top of

that. Yeah, she couldn't resist her, I suppose.

Now, look, Blakey. I'm sorry, Rose.

Come on, get up. Look, what I want to...

Oh, blimey, lay there. Listen, we want proper exercise. It's something we can

on our own. Get up, Rose. All right, then. I suppose I'll have to make it

for your benefit. Yeah. All right, then, class.

Form up in lines now. We're going to do the skipping exercise, right? Something

simple, right?

Follow me now. Like this.

A one, a two, a three, a four.

Salt, mustard.

Hey! Hey, this is charge play, mate.

I could keep this up all night. You what?

In your flabby state of health?

I could keep it up longer than you, mate. What, you?

An old crook like you?

I might be a few years older than you, but I keep myself fit, mate. Oh, he's

right, you know. He's in very good condition, considering his mileage,

you? You can laugh.

I look after myself.

Like the engine in them buses, mate. Well maintained.

Lasts for years.

Come on, faster, then.

Salt. Massage.

Watch it, watch it, Blakey. You'll blow a gasket, mate.

All right, you laugh.

I'll bid you a pardon. I'll keep it up longer than you. You're on, you're on.

Salt. Massage. Pepper.

Salt. Massage. Pepper.

Salt. Massage. Pepper.

Salt. I'll bet neither of you can keep it up till six o 'clock.

No! Salt, mustard.

Salt, mustard.

Salt, mustard.

Salt,

mustard.

Salt,

mustard.

Salt, mustard.

Salt, mustard.

He stopped.

He stopped skipping.

Dummy, he stopped breathing.

Stay, come on. Stay, wake up. Stay, stay.

Hey!

You stopped. You stopped. You stopped skipping.

You lost, mate. No, I didn't lose. I didn't lose. You stopped skipping.

No, no.

No, my rope got tangled up.

What are you talking about, your rope?

It's a make -believe rope, isn't it? Yeah, well, make -believe it got tangled

then. Yeah, yeah, great. Sweet.

I won, didn't I? I won. You owe me a pound, butler. I can have this pound off

you. Oh, you stopped. Right, that's it.

Come on, all the cars now.

Skipping by numbers.

On the spot, begin, right?

One, two.

Three, four, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Do you think this will be enough for Stan's supper?

Look, it's all in the book. You can read it for yourself.

Exercise is not enough.

A man in his job needs to go on a diet.

Well, it's done up very much.

Look, I've studied the calorie chart.

He's already got five more calories than he should have there.

Well, there he is. It is very late. It's nearly nine o 'clock.

Hi, Mum.

How'd the exercises go, eh?

Please, Kate.

Oh!

You seem in very poor condition.

No, don't be silly, no.

No, I just pulled a few muscles in my back, that's all.

I didn't know I had muscles there.

Do you know what? Two hours of exercise, Mum, makes you starving and hungry.

Where's the grub, Mum?

I've prepared you a special healthy meal.

Ah, good. What is it?

65 calories.

Right, I'll have that with chips.

That's all there is, Mum.

What's this, then?

That is a hard -boiled egg and two dried apricots.

You must be joking. Of course.

It's just a starter, isn't it? Look, it is all here, mate.

I...

worker needs 7 ,000 calories a day. A light worker needs 4 ,000 calories a

A sedentary worker like yourself needs 2 ,500.

It's all there. Read it for yourself.

Oh, Arthur, how many calories do I need per day?

Well, you move yourself about three.

I'll have a nice hot cup of cocoa. That might help a bit. Oh, no, you can't have

that, love. But I've made you a nice hot lemon juice.

Lemon juice?

What's this for?

That is to break down the fatty cells and to cleanse the stomach.

There is nothing in my stomach to cleanse!

There's a pip in there.

I suppose that's all right, is it?

As far as I know, pips are non -fattening.

Rotten muck.

Got no sugar in it. It's no good, Mum, I can't stand it. I'm going to have a

slice of bread and drip it. And I might have a plate of chips after. Oh, no,

love, please.

Oh, please, Dad.

Mum, Mum, Mum, look, you've got to face up to it. We've all got to go sometime

or another.

I suppose you realise I could not afford to keep both your mum and Olive on my

wage?

Oh, blimey, that's it. You're not throwing it around, missing me, mate.

missing me wage packet.

Oh, how could you say such a thing?

Oh, Mum, please don't cry.

I wouldn't let you starve.

If I had to, I'd go out and scruff floors.

Would you?

Well, how about starting on this one, then?

Now and then.

Don't I, Arthur?

Yes, the only night your hands are clean.

Oh!

All right, stop blabbering the two of you. All right, all right, all right.

keep myself fit.

I'll eat the apricots.

What I do in this family? I'm not kidding. What I do for you?

Very nutritious.

Nutritious, mate?

Yeah. Blubber's like a lump of rubber.

Well, I'll have that lemon juice to wash them down.

All right.

What's known as a four -course breakfast.

One yoghurt and three prunes.

Have you gone mad?

Nah, it's the old lady. Since she read that article, she got terribly worried

about me, so I said, well, I'll go on a diet. Anyway, I want to keep myself in

condition. Listen, mate, you don't have to worry about that. Haven't you seen

this morning's paper?

No. There's a new article in here. It says yesterday's article was a load of

rubbish. Now listen to this. Under modern conditions of work, shorter

power control buses, etc., there's no reason to believe a busman's job is not

healthy as anyone else's.

Right, well, that's the end of that, then, isn't it?

Yeah, read the article. I'll get you to breakfast.

I'm going to have baggers and chips. You want a sandwich? Same for me, mate,

yeah. Baggers and chips. On second thoughts, I'll have egg and beans.

Egg and beans on top.

What, do you mean instead of the baggers and chips? No, as well as.

I'll have a double portion of chips and all.

Morning,

Stan. Morning, darling.

Looking forward to the dance on Saturday.

Yeah.

And if you like, you can come back to my place afterwards because me mum's away.

Is she?

Yeah, yeah, lovely, yeah.

Great. Yeah. Must get a cup of tea. Yeah, you do that, darling, yeah.

There you are, mate. Yeah.

I've changed my mind, mate. I've got to keep fit.

Well, you've read the article. You don't have to keep fit for the job. Yes, but

there's more than one kind of job, ain't there?

Where's the prune?

Hello, darling.

Hello.