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1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,404
[ Man ]
What's more important--
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00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,939
being a successful rock star
or a successful father?
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,010
Dad!
Father.
4
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:11,979
I was just about
to say "Father."
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,914
[ Announcer ]
Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll.
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00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,749
All new, Thursdays at 10:00.
On FX.
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00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:20,921
FX presents Married.
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00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,394
RUSS:
My work is in the ghetto.
9
00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,262
LINA:
I don't have an office.
10
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,930
RUSS:
My commute is longer.
11
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,232
LINA:
You get paid more.
12
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,334
Well, I have
to manage employees.
13
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,203
LINA:
I have to manage second-graders.
14
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,037
I don't understand. Why are
we having this fight again?
15
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,573
Because you
still won't admit
16
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,242
that my job
is worse than yours.
17
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,343
Because I...
(crashing)
18
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,212
Shh.
19
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,579
What was that?
20
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,582
I don't know.
21
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:49,917
It sounded like it came
from the backyard.
22
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,252
(dog barks)
23
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,522
This is exactly
the home invasion
24
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,390
we always talked about
needing to be prepared for
25
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:57,725
and we never did.
26
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,360
You're gonna get killed.
27
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,594
I'm gonna get
raped and killed.
28
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,263
Don't be so sure
about the order.
29
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:03,364
Can you see anything?
30
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:06,400
RUSS:
No.
31
00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:08,402
I'm sure it's
probably fine.
32
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:09,737
Lina, come on.
(gasps)
33
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,239
(screams)
34
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:13,774
There's a man in the backyard.
35
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:22,150
*
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00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,891
FRANKIE:
Thanks.
37
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,894
(dishes clinking)
38
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,263
LINA:
Judah's been moving
stuff in all morning.
39
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,398
Who's Judah?
He is the
creepy guy
40
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,066
who lives in the guesthouse.
41
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,402
Can't we just
kick him out?
42
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,636
He's a renter,
just like us.
43
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,104
ELLA:
I don't get it.
44
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:46,274
We rent the main house,
he rents the back.
45
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,008
We're poor.
46
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:49,843
Do poor people have iPads?
47
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,579
Grandma bought them.
48
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,181
That's not the point.
49
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,082
Nina said that that guy
would never be around
50
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,284
and now he's creeping around
in the middle of the night...
51
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,419
It was 9:30.
52
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,188
To me, that's the middle
of the night.
53
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:03,357
(knocking at door)
54
00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,359
Hello?
55
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:06,860
Hey.
56
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,263
Hey, you don't have
any of my mail, do you?
57
00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:11,299
Uh...
Um, I might.
I can look.
58
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,301
Oh, thanks, man.
59
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,269
Yeah, just let me know
if you find anything.
60
00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:17,471
Oh, and you'll probably
be seeing a lot more of me
61
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,840
around here now.
Why is that?
62
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:23,311
Well, Russ, I was kind of
living full-time with my lady.
63
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,478
That's over now.
64
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:26,680
Oh. Well, um,
you know,
65
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,216
maybe you guys can
work things out.
66
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,617
(scoffs)
67
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,519
No chance. No.
68
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:34,054
I did some pretty bad shit.
69
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,023
She's gone for good.
70
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,058
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
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00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,493
Thanks, man.
72
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,364
(door closes)
73
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:44,865
Wow.
74
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,867
I wonder what
bad shit he did.
75
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,636
Did you see that?
76
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,304
What?
He didn't even
look at me.
77
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,740
He didn't even acknowledge
anything I said.
78
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,279
Oh, I'm sorry,
did you say something?
79
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,986
LINA:
I want you to add it all up
and write down
80
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,921
the number.
All right.
81
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,890
Ugh, get out of my chair.
82
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,492
Come on.
83
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,561
But it's so cool.
You have your own chair.
84
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,929
But you let Mikey sit
in your chair.
85
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,265
I like Mikey.
86
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:18,366
(knocking at door)
87
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:21,435
Do you have a minute?
88
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:23,371
CHILDREN:
Ooh!
89
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,005
Really?
90
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,341
Finish math.
91
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,443
(door closes)
92
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,879
So I just talked to Betty,
93
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:35,349
and she said her recovery is
going quicker than expected
94
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,385
and she'll be back earlier.
95
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,687
It's okay.
96
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,422
Nothing lasts forever.
97
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,523
When's my last day?
98
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,124
Well, that's the thing.
99
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,526
We really don't want
to lose you.
100
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,794
Well,
101
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:50,598
I... really don't...
102
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,533
want to go.
103
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:55,736
What if we offered you
something permanent?
104
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,473
How permanent?
105
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:01,575
*
106
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:05,145
Russ.
107
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,247
Um, you need to talk to Bernie.
People are getting upset.
108
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,550
Ugh. What did he
do this time?
109
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,419
"Grandpa."
110
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,288
Who's Grandpa?
111
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,925
Bernie.
112
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,793
Oh. Hey, Russ.
113
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:23,063
Hey, do I look older to you?
114
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,998
(laughs)
115
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,334
That is "Grandpa"?
116
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,602
In the flesh.
Bernie,
117
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,471
the office is no place
for Grandpa.
118
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,739
Whoa, Russ.
119
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,941
I'm gonna have
to report you to HR.
120
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,242
You're reporting me?
121
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,610
Yeah, for age
discrimination.
122
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:37,945
(chuckling)
Come on.
123
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,146
You have to stop
doing that at work.
124
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,581
Are you sure, Russ?
125
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,816
Isn't this something
of a gray area?
126
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,452
I'm serious.
127
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,520
You can't do that joke here.
Oh.
128
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:49,957
Can't? Or won't?
129
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,825
Hmm?
130
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,295
Hey, guys.
131
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,765
Check out my pubes.
132
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,367
(dog barking)
133
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,668
LINA:
I'd be a teacher's aide.
134
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,770
That's not even a real teacher.
135
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,037
So what?
136
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:05,373
So, I don't know,
137
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,440
subs are cooler.
138
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:07,775
They're in and out.
139
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,042
They're like hit men.
140
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,178
I don't know if
I want to commit
141
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:14,515
to the same class
for an entire year.
142
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,649
But we need
the extra money.
143
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:18,218
We should downsize.
The family?
144
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,120
It's easier to get a hotel room
with two kids.
145
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,622
Look,
146
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,657
just take the job,
and if you hate it,
147
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,292
you can quit.
148
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,027
Mommy's a quitter.
See?
(Lina gasps)
149
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,296
Every decision you make
affects them.
150
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,664
Why do I have to be
a role model?
151
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:32,700
Isn't that what
celebrities are for?
152
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,505
No way.
153
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,306
Hmm?
154
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,676
This came for Judah.
155
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:45,813
It's from
the state parole board.
156
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,648
What?
Yeah.
157
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,651
I told you that he was
into some bad shit.
158
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,686
I knew it.
159
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,159
ABBY:
This is so cool.
160
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,327
I mean, if you get this job,
161
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,361
we can hang out every day.
162
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:02,496
Or we can be real friends
163
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,665
instead of just work friends.
164
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,500
I thought we were real friends.
You know
what I mean.
165
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,168
I guess so, yeah.
Why are they
hiring me?
166
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,438
Don't they know
what a bad attitude I have?
167
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,540
Yeah. If they need a
reference, they can call me.
168
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,508
I can confirm.
You know,
you shouldn't complain.
169
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,577
People actually
value you.
170
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,279
My ex-partners
thought I was worthless.
LINA: You know what?
171
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,948
I will take your
huge buyout settlement
172
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,516
and you be a teacher's aide.
173
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:25,686
You know what?
Rich people have problems, too.
174
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,354
I know.
175
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,389
They just don't matter.
Mm.
176
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,358
So did Lina tell you
about the murderer
177
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,726
we have living
in our guesthouse?
178
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,728
No.
What?
179
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,697
No. I don't want them
to make fun of me.
180
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,532
Aw, it's cute.
Ugh.
181
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,267
No, there's no murderer.
There's a guy
182
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,935
who got a letter
from the parole board.
183
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:44,204
Uh, yeah.
About murder.
184
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,573
You didn't give him his letter?
185
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,140
I couldn't, because
then he would know
186
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,609
that I knew
about the thing.
187
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:50,410
Who thinks I
should open it?
188
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:53,881
I definitely do.
Okay, as your lawyer,
I have to tell you that A,
189
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,916
opening his mail
is a felony.
190
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,752
And B,
191
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,388
the letter's not gonna
tell you what his crime was.
Crap.
192
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,090
Why didn't you tell me
that first?
193
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:05,092
Because I thought that
the whole federal crime
194
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,127
part of it would be
a stronger deterrent.
195
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,596
You're fired. We need
to hire a new lawyer.
196
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,564
Maybe he just
screwed up once.
197
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,600
Doesn't make him a murderer.
I've made mistakes.
198
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,602
Would you guys
have a problem with me
199
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,737
staying in your guesthouse,
would you?
200
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,606
I think you know
the answer to that.
201
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,608
Well, it's your loss.
I'm a model tenant.
202
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,675
Well, how do I
find out about
203
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,343
this guy? I mean,
who is he?
204
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:26,446
What's his deal?
Who did he murder?
205
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,683
We need your help.
I can't help you.
You just fired me.
206
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:32,452
You're hired again.
Great. I'll make some calls.
207
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:35,956
Yes, thank you.
She's been a little obsessed.
208
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,358
Murder.
209
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,363
RUSS:
There you go.
210
00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:44,832
All right,
everybody in.
211
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,601
Hi, Judah.
212
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,202
Hey, Russ.
RUSS:
Hey.
213
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:53,340
Did you see that?
214
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:56,343
That guy is so guilty
about killing a woman
215
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:58,378
that he won't
even look at one.
216
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,180
Maybe it's cultural.
What does
that mean?
217
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,282
It means that in some cultures,
218
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,384
it's more respectful
to ignore women.
219
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,787
I don't know.
220
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,557
I think that we might
need to call in sick
221
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,491
and figure out what
this guy's deal is.
222
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,661
We need to do this.
For the children.
223
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,663
For the children?
Yeah.
We could all call in sick.
224
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:18,398
No. No one
is calling in sick, okay?
225
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,969
Mommy...
has a big decision to make.
226
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,304
And she thinks that
if she doesn't go to work,
227
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,073
then work will
make it for her.
228
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,808
That's not accurate.
229
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:31,178
Don't listen to your
dad this one time.
230
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,480
(door closes, engine starts)
Bye.
231
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,783
Have a good day at work.
232
00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:58,872
(whispering):
Hey, Magnus, it's Lina.
233
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,841
Look, I-- um, sorry
for the short notice,
234
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:04,211
but I am not gonna be
able to make it in today.
235
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,113
I have a family emergency.
236
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,949
Okay. Oh,
I got to go. Bye.
237
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,759
Hey, Russ, did you talk
to Bernie yet?
238
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,128
Uh, about what?
239
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:25,232
You were supposed to fire him.
What? You're firing Bernie?
240
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,234
Sorry.
There's something wrong
241
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,803
with my calendar updates.
I thought I told you already.
242
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:31,905
Look, I-I... He's just not
243
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,907
used to corporate environments.
Let me ju...
244
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:36,576
I'll just talk to him.
No, we already hired
his replacement.
245
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:42,082
Gil, come on.
I can't fire him.
246
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,117
He was your hire.
247
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:53,560
Hey. You're not
gonna believe this.
248
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,562
I have to fire Bernie right now.
249
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,564
LINA (whispering):
Oh, my God, that's terrible.
I know.
250
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,767
What are you gonna do?
I-I... I don't know.
251
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,569
I don't think I have a-a choice.
252
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,004
Why are you whispering?
253
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,308
I followed the murderer
to a bookstore.
254
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:11,779
He's in the travel section.
255
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,748
What about work?
Did you tell them
256
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,283
that you're gonna take that job?
257
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,351
Forget about the job.
258
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,688
Judah's buying travel books.
259
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,756
To places we don't have
an extradition treaty with.
260
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,524
So you're sabotaging your job.
261
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,094
You're sabotaging my life.
262
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,862
(scoffs)
Fine.
263
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,898
Do what you got to do.
264
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,518
BERNIE:
Hey.
265
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,353
Do I look older to you?
266
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,891
Uh, Bernie.
Hey.
267
00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:00,427
Hey, what's up, Russ?
Hey. So, uh...
268
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,998
So... this is
really important.
269
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:08,836
And... difficult.
270
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:12,172
And... maybe unfair.
271
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,607
What's going on?
272
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:22,282
I have to leave work early today
to help Lina with something.
273
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,786
(sighs)
That is unfair.
274
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,591
Huh.
275
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:34,061
Oh, hey, do you know
a good waxer?
276
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,096
No?
277
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,442
Ugh, I froze--
I just couldn't do it.
278
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,244
You know, it's Bernie.
279
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:54,014
I get it-- he's helped
us out so many times.
280
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,515
I know, and now I
have to fire him?
281
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,884
I mean, it's bullshit.
282
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,051
How do you
fire a friend?
283
00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,419
(whispering):
Look.
284
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,589
He's buying sandpaper.
285
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,858
Obviously trying to
remove his fingerprints.
286
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,860
Or he's refinishing
furniture,
287
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:09,596
but, sure, he's
removing fingerprints.
288
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,864
This is why we're
such a good team.
289
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:13,066
You're the by-the-book
guy to keep
290
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,467
a loose cannon
like me in line.
291
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:15,468
I solve the crime,
292
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,838
you file the paperwork.
293
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:42,095
Holy shit.
294
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:46,099
A convicted criminal has a
bow saw, bleach and sandpaper.
295
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,334
What more do you need?
296
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,936
Evidence?
297
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:52,439
Damn, you really
are by the book.
298
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,241
Crap.
299
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,242
Here he comes.
300
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,676
Come on, come on, come on.
301
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:04,284
LINA (whispering):
Do you think he saw us?
302
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,286
Maybe not, but...
(cell phone chimes)
303
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,321
we should probably stay
in here until he leaves.
304
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,691
Damn.
Hmm?
305
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,994
The school wants an answer
by the end of the day.
306
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,298
How can I even think
about that
307
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,800
when I'm trying to protect
my kids from a serial killer?
308
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:21,801
Stop.
309
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,036
Come on.
310
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,038
You're doing it again.
What?
311
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:26,940
Using our kids as an excuse.
312
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:29,877
If you don't want to take
the job, don't take the job,
313
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:34,014
but don't pretend like we're
out here protecting our kids.
314
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,049
A teacher's aide.
315
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:40,387
When I was ten, I thought
I was gonna be an astronaut.
316
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:41,688
(chuckles)
317
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,823
Do astronauts have
to fire people?
318
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:45,792
(gasps)
319
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,961
What is going on in here?
320
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,830
Uh, how much are
the sheds?
321
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,705
Bernie?
322
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,507
Oh, hey.
323
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,009
You're still here.
324
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,810
How are you still here?
325
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,679
(scoffs) I'll be here all week,
thank you very much.
326
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,383
That's an expression
comedians use.
327
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:11,919
Actually, I have
328
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,186
another printing job
I go to on Thursdays,
329
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,988
but, uh, try the veal.
330
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,589
What veal?
331
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:19,592
Okay, that's a very
common comedy thing.
332
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:20,928
Hey, did you
speak to Russ?
333
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,095
Yeah, he said
he had to leave early,
334
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:24,364
something to do
with his wife.
335
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:27,767
Why don't you take the
rest of the day off, too?
336
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:28,768
Ah.
337
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,037
Now that sounds fair.
338
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,439
All right,
thanks, boss.
339
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,441
And Bernie?
Yeah.
340
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,776
Would you speak to Russ
as soon as possible?
341
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,811
All right.
342
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:46,186
LINA:
He's altering his appearance.
343
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,688
Okay, I will admit
that is kind of suspicious.
344
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,623
Yeah.
345
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,626
LINA:
He's gone.
346
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:56,964
(gasps)
347
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,201
Wow.
348
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,403
Hi.
Hey.
349
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:04,904
Are you guys
following me?
350
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:05,905
LINA:
What? No.
351
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,207
That's crazy.
352
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,708
No, we were just, uh...
353
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,244
we were just getting
couples haircuts.
354
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,613
Jack and Jills.
355
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:18,285
I thought I saw you
at the hardware store.
356
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,820
Oh, no, we-we get
that a lot.
357
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:23,123
Yeah.
358
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,126
Okay.
359
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,695
See you later, Russ.
360
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,269
(sighs)
What a creep.
361
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:39,272
Aren't we the creeps
here?
362
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:43,510
(sighs)
Why do you always
take his side?
363
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,046
*
364
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,483
Why do I need to take
a stupid job?
365
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:53,286
Yeah. Or maybe I can
just quit my job.
366
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,288
Yeah.
We can
just raise cattle.
367
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,324
Russ. Look.
368
00:15:57,357 --> 00:16:00,293
Why is our door open?
369
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,562
Stay here.
370
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:07,134
(door creaking)
371
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,903
Somebody in here?
372
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,876
Hello?
373
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,680
(chair squeaking)
374
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:23,216
I hear we need to talk.
375
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,159
BERNIE (chuckles):
That was classic.
376
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,493
Should have seen
your guys' faces.
377
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,062
Yeah, it was a
good one, Bernie.
378
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,164
We really believed we
were about to be killed.
379
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:40,133
Really? Good. So, uh, Gil said
you had something to say to me.
380
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,135
Um...
381
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:45,305
Yeah. Well, you
know, firstly,
382
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:49,176
um, I want to thank
you for... you know,
Oh.
383
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,178
you've just always been such
a great friend, you know,
384
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,180
and-and I really appreciate
what you've done
385
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:56,516
for me and-and my family.
Gil told you
386
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:58,185
to say that?
What?
387
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:01,254
No, I... Look, the thing is,
388
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:04,524
Gil and, um, well,
389
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:07,327
some of the people at-at work,
390
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,496
they don't always appreciate,
391
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,332
you know, your-your
heart, you know, your...
392
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,202
how you have such a great,
you know, big heart.
393
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,204
But I-I do.
394
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,907
Russ, are you hitting on me?
395
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,909
(knocking)
396
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,577
(groans)
Hold on a sec.
397
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,915
Hey. Good timing.
398
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:31,718
Simple assault.
What?
399
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,286
Your friend in
the guesthouse,
400
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,288
his conviction was
for simple assault.
401
00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:36,723
LINA:
Did you just say
402
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,057
"assault"?
403
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:39,058
Simple assault.
404
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,593
What is simple assault?
405
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,196
It's basically the
pussiest form of assault.
406
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:44,197
There.
407
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:45,865
Oh.
408
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,867
Simple assault. Right?
Thank you.
409
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,770
So I really don't think you guys
have anything to worry about.
410
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,772
You haven't even seen this guy.
411
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,074
Russ and I have been
following him all day,
412
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,976
and I am telling you,
there is something up
413
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,246
with this dude.
So you stalked him
414
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,381
but he's dangerous?
He is
dangerous.
415
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,883
He won't look me in the eye.
Yeah.
416
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,552
That's because
you have crazy eyes right now.
417
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,886
(dogs barking)
418
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:09,222
Is that him?
419
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,891
What is he doing
in the backyard?
420
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:15,662
He's burying something.
RUSS:
Oh, here we go.
421
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,997
I'm serious.
What if it's a body?
It's not a body.
422
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,999
What if it's a time
capsule, like, from 1982?
423
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,302
Enough with 1982.
424
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,104
It wasn't a great year
for everybody, okay?
425
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:28,107
LINA:
All right, he's leaving. Russ,
I need you to get a shovel.
426
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,242
I'm gonna get a flashlight.
427
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,811
Bernie, you're the lookout.
Okay.
428
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,849
You're not digging
fast enough.
429
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,986
Are you kidding?
You can take over at any time.
430
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,488
BERNIE:
Guys, guys, guys,
431
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,323
guys, um, Judah's coming.
432
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,325
Yeah, Judah's here.
What's happening?
433
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:46,926
There he is.
LINA:
Oh, my God.
434
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,829
Really? Can... Let me fire
him, please? Can I do it?
435
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,798
Fire? Russ, were you trying
to fire me back there?
436
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,666
No, I... You...
JUDAH:
I can't believe
437
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,268
you did this.
LINA:
Did what,
438
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:57,103
found the body?
Destroyed my
herb garden.
439
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,006
What body?
440
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,342
Your ex-girlfriend
that you murdered.
441
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,711
Russ, you think
I murdered my ex-girlfriend?
LINA: I think it.
442
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,813
I do.
BERNIE:
Okay, can we put a pin
443
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:10,483
in murder? Uh, Russ,
444
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,018
am I fired?
No.
445
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,886
I... No.
JUDAH: Russ, you think
I murdered somebody,
446
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,322
my ex-girlfriend?
447
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,457
No, I... Yes, you're fired.
448
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,292
I'm so sorry,
okay?
449
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,961
But you did say you did
some bad shit to your ex.
450
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,296
JUDAH:
Yeah, Russ,
451
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,497
I cheated on her.
452
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:25,698
And got a stripper pregnant.
453
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:27,033
(AJ chuckles)
454
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:29,035
I know how that boat floats,
man.
455
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,537
JUDAH:
I'm not proud of it,
456
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:31,671
but I didn't murder anything.
457
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,973
Except that pussy.
Wait,
458
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,375
then why did you
change your appearance?
459
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,377
What's up with that?
460
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,379
For a parole meeting I have
coming up.
461
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:42,014
If they'd ever send me
the damn letter.
462
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,656
He looked at me.
463
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,425
(Lina moaning loudly)
464
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:54,294
Oh... Lina.
465
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,331
Oh...
466
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,099
Lina...
467
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:02,402
(moaning)
468
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,437
(muffled moan)
469
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:06,373
Oh, my God.
470
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,275
Holy shit.
471
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:11,278
Whoa.
472
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:15,181
I think we should become
amateur detectives, 'cause...
473
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,285
I mean, just for the sake
of our sex life.
474
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,553
Hmm. I won't have time.
475
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:24,424
I'm gonna take that job
at the school.
476
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,125
You are?
477
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:28,227
You really
don't have to.
478
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,397
No, I'm okay with it.
479
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:34,233
But I'd like it if you played
hooky with me every once
480
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:37,304
in a while.
Absolutely.
481
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:40,573
I mean, if Judah did murder
his girlfriend,
482
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:44,644
how smart would it be
to plant rosemary over it?
483
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:49,316
Should I grab the shovel?
484
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,584
I'm too tired.
Mmm.
485
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:55,254
I'm fine letting him
get away with it.
486
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:58,090
This time.
487
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,598
RUSS:
You sure you're not mad?
488
00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:08,134
No. It's for the best.
489
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,636
No offense, Russ,
490
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,604
no one around here has
a sense of humor.
491
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:16,476
What I'm worried about is
what my next gig's gonna be.
492
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:20,146
It's hard to find work...
at my age.
493
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:22,349
Oh, shit.
494
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:25,885
Where is it?
Where is that thing?
495
00:21:27,554 --> 00:21:29,989
You didn't happen to see
a curly gray wig around?
496
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:32,825
No.
497
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:35,628
Well, that's probably
for the best, too.
498
00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:38,498
Rest in peace, Grandpa.
He will be missed.
499
00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:40,533
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
500
00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:22,509
[ Both Exhale ]
501
00:22:22,542 --> 00:22:25,077
That was--
Yeah, I know, right?
502
00:22:25,111 --> 00:22:27,814
Who were you
thinking about?
Oh, God, baby.
503
00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:30,650
Matt Damon.
Ah.
504
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:34,153
I was thinking
about that woman
who does carpool.
505
00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:36,523
With the forehead.
Oh, God.
506
00:22:36,556 --> 00:22:38,224
Stop talking.
507
00:22:38,257 --> 00:22:39,826
Just stop talking.
508
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:42,695
Married. All new,
Thursdays at 10:30.
509
00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:44,431
Only on FX.
510
00:22:45,432 --> 00:22:47,834
[ Crowd Cheering ]
Looking back,
511
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:51,738
I played the game
the way it was meant
to be played-- dirty.
512
00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:54,273
[ Man ]
Dirty!
Like sweep the leg dirty.
513
00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:56,342
Like deflated balls dirty.
514
00:22:56,375 --> 00:23:00,079
Like Bangkok
gutter water dirty.
515
00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:02,915
The League.
Starts Wednesday, September 9.
516
00:23:02,949 --> 00:23:05,452
Only on FXX.
517
00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:12,959
[ Clears Throat ]
518
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:22,935
You know, if you lowered me
about three feet--
519
00:23:30,943 --> 00:23:32,445
[ Metal Ringing ]
520
00:23:34,113 --> 00:23:37,617
* [ Drumming ]
521
00:23:41,353 --> 00:23:43,322
[ Dings ]
522
00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:52,264
[ Engines Idling ]
523
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,809
Well, back on the clock.
524
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:06,513
Yeah, okay.
35824
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