Original subtitles

Oh, ob.

This is just so wild.

I've just never had it like this.

Ob, you're so good.

Oh, yes, yes, that's it.

That's it right there.

Oh, don't stop.

Don't stop please, don't stop.

Oh God, you're so good.

Oh yes, yes.

Thanks that was good.

Oh, I saw this

and thought you might find it useful.

- Thanks.

- I've got a flight at 10.

So can you meet me back here at seven?

- Okay.

Sorry man.

- That's cool.

- Come on Mia, get up.

What are you doing up there?

You're running late.

- Oh fuck.

- Morning Matt.

- Fuck this shit.

I'm outta here.

- Come Doris, start.

Where have you been?

I'm late.

- Just say you stopped at too many red lights.

I can't do it.

I don't have time.

- Well make time.

- You don't understand.

- Oh, Mia, I stayed up hours last night

doing the layout for that notice.

- I didn't ask you to sacrifice yourself.

Put your glasses on.

I think my life's ruined.

- Why?

- It's the last day I can change courses.

- What courses?

- Adrian is changing departments.

- I didn't know this.

- If I can't have Adrian,

I might as well drop out, or something and go on the dole

and then I'll start watching Oprah and smoking giant reefers

and eating chocky bars.

And then one day you'll come home and find me either dead,

or hosting a Tupperware party

- Putting up this notice will only take a minute.

- Well, if it's only a minute, why can't you do it?

- It's the principle.

- So you destroy my whole life for a principle?

- No, oh Mia.

You're always leaving everything

to the last possible moment.

- And this is from someone whose thesis is four years late.

- Don't push it.

- Anyway with all this moving and stuff, I haven't had time.

And then there's this housewarming party,

which you've left for me to organise.

- It was your idea.

- Was it?

Yeah.

- Oh.

Well, I'm only doing it for you.

Why?

- Because you won't stop moaning about the fact

that you don't have a boyfriend.

- No, I don't.

- Yes you do.

- No I don't.

- Yes you do.

- Oh at least I don't have a deep seated fear of commitment.

- Oh.

- Oh, it's true.

You weren't exactly jumping when Danni wanted to move in.

- Well, we both decided it would be rushing things.

- Then why did you tell her we'd found someone to move in?

- Well, independence is important in a relationship.

- Honesty is important too.

- How would you know what's important?

You haven't had a relationship in three years.

- I just haven't met the right one.

At least I know what I'm looking for.

- Yeah, I know.

He just has to be left handed, never lie

and dig the same movies as you.

- What's wrong with that?

- Nothing, I just can't wait to meet him.

- Actually, I've got my eye on somebody.

- Oh yeah.

- I don't know his name, but he's really cute.

And we've been saying hi bit in the cafe.

- You mean like when he orders a coffee?

- Yeah, but I think there's something there.

- Oh, we'll point him out next time.

- Mia, I could do with some advice.

- Yeah?

- Do you think I should just ask him out?

- Well, my device comes at a price.

- Hi Ari.

- Hi Susan.

- Are you going to Mia's house warming tonight?

- Maybe, why?

- Why?

Why, 'cause you know?

You wanna come with me?

I mean, meet up beforehand and go there together?

- I can't, I'm busy.

Why is Susan's doing that

as her thesis though?

I know, someone else is already

doing oral fallacies.

It's totally depressing.

- Hi.

- Hi Danni.

Hi.

- Hey, do you have time for a coffee?

I wanna ta" to you about something.

- I've got a sort out this course changing thing.

Wouldn't take a minute.

We meet later?

- Okay.

This is nice.

- Oh, I've gotta go guys.

I'll see you later.

- Okay, don't forget our, you know?

- I'm doing it now.

- So where were you last night?

- I went to this rave party with Savita

and I ended up staying at her place 'cause it was easier so.

- Right.

- What?

- No, I was just, I was trying to call you

and I was all by myself and..

- I thought you wanted me to be more independent.

- I do.

I just wish you'd tell me

when you're planning to be more independent.

So we'll meet later.

Okay. - Okay,

all right bye. - Bye.

Hey, do you wanna come to the bank with me?

- Professor Leach.

- Yes.

- Hi, I'm calling about the room.

Yeah, yeah I am, at uni yeah.

I'm a med student.

Yeah but, what do you mean by must eat pork?

- Must eat pork.

- Yeah, well I like to think of myself

as politically aware.

Show tunes?

Sure, no I like show tunes yeah.

Now?

No, okay.

Yeah, hi I am a fun loving, broad-minded guy.

Sorry I can't help you.

The room's already taken.

Okay, thanks.

- Are you Michael?

- Yeah, what of it?

- Doing med right?

- You with the feds or something?

- Nah, you see that bloke over there?

Him that one.

- The guy on Destroy Earth?

- Yeah, him.

Well, he said, 'cause you know you're a med student.

See, I know his friend.

Now he's involved with this fashion design student,

but she wants him to have a circumcision.

- Oh, is he gonna have it done?

- Well you see,

he thinks he loves her.

They're contemplating marriage.

I mean, it's complex.

What I wanna know is, is it dangerous?

- Love's always dangerous.

- No, no, no the operation.

- I gotta go.

- Come on man, tell me.

- Well, any surgery is dangerous.

In fact, strangely enough,

last week they showed us a case similar to yours

where a man developed gangrene postoperatively

and they were forced to amputate.

- You're kidding?

Wait. - What?

No, that's on the system.

- Well, there must be something wrong with your computer.

It's adding extra digits.

- I don't think so.

- I can't find that sort of money.

Isn't there some other way?

- That's your problem, not mine.

I can't enroll you until that fine is paid.

- But it's the last day I can change.

- Well, you've left it till the last minute.

But that's the only way you can do anything about it.

- Okay, can't I just put the paperwork through now

and I'll pay the fine on Monday?

Come on.

Please?

Have a heart.

- Hello Student Administration.

Can I help you?

Yes, just a moment.

Have you spoken to the faculty?

- I'll be off then.

Gonna go slit my wrists.

Yes, yes.

- Mia.

I think I may be the man of your dreams.

- Doubt it.

- Get your mind around this.

Fine

paid

for

free.

- What the hell are you talking about?

- I'm talking about

hacking.

- Well then when she does come in,

can you tell her I'm looking for her?

- When I see her, I'll pass the message on.

- I'd appreciate that.

I really need to speak to her today.

- I understand.

- Thanks Sanjo.

- Not a problem.

- I feel like a character out of one of those Warhol films.

Pointless drifting.

For once, I'm inclined to agree with that

overrated Alchemist Jung, when he says,

couples unconsciously choose each other

to express what they themselves cannot.

I need change,

something different.

Maybe I should get involved with someone

who's my opposite, or something like that.

- Hi Ari.

This mate of mine's keen on a Jewish girl, man.

I mean, he's really keen, you know?

They're contemplating marriage and shit,

but,

well, he's Catholic.

He's got this thing called a briz.

You know that foreskin thing?

- Painful.

- It is, isn't it?

- I've gotta grab a coffee.

Give my condolences to your friend.

- No, no, no.

We've gotta talk about this man.

Come on, we've gotta talk about this some more.

Can you give my mate some advice?

I mean, you know you're Jewish.

- Toby, I was eight days old when it happened.

To be honest, I don't remember that much about it.

- You think you'd remember something like that.

- So then they tell me I have to pay

this huge library fine before I can do anything.

I mean, I don't even have any overdue books.

- Yeah, they're pretty rigid about things like that.

- Then this Erca comes up to me.

- This what?

- You know a computer geek

and he tells me he can hack into the system

and erase my fine.

So I go upstairs to his room

and then he says he'll only do it if I give him head.

- What?

Oh Mia you didn't?

- Of course not.

We compromised.

Gave him a hand job.

- Yuck.

- Couldn't do it anyway.

- What, cum?

- No, couldn't hack into my file.

You don't know anyone who'd wanna buy a Game Boy do you?

- It's him.

- What? - The guy

I told you about.

- What guy?

- Mia.

- Oh hi Ari.

How's things?

- Cool.

- Do you two know each other?

- Ari, Alice.

Alice, Ari,

- Alice, nice to meet you.

- Can I get you something?

- Strong flat white, no froth thanks.

So how's it going?

- Oh, don't ask.

I'll be forced to bore you to death with details

of my tortured existence.

- Yeah, isn't all existence?

- God I hope not.

Have you heard we're having a party?

Yeah.

- It's a housewarming party.

But we're still looking for our last house mate.

You're not looking for some really

groovy place to live, are you?

- Not today, Mia.

- It's a pity 'cause we're really desperate.

- Thanks.

I'll check you guys tonight.

- Oh Alice, you don't have a crush on Ari?

He's like the Warren Beatty of the campus.

Everybody wants to bonk him.

- I think he's nice.

- Alice, don't waste your time.

- Well, what about the advice from this morning?

What have you got to lose?

Just ask him out.

- Ari makes advice like that null and void.

- Oh, but Mia.

- Alice, why can't you find some nice down to earth boy?

- 'Cause I want that one.

- Is he left-handed?

I thought you said my criteria were too difficult.

- Oh, Alice, I just meant loosen up a little,

not lose sight of what's important to you.

Danni hi, you wouldn't happen to have $663 on you,

would you? - Yeah I do, actually.

- 'Cause this fascist

administration- - That's what I wanted

to talk to you about. - What?

Hang on, did you say yes?

- Yeah, I'm gonna buy this cello this afternoon

I need some advice so.

- What cello?

You've gotta a cello.

What do you need another cello for?

- It was being defiled by my delinquent brother.

- Oh, right.

Yeah, I remember sorry.

Just a temporary lapse into amnesia,

caused by my present dire financial situation.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

- I promise I'll pay it all back.

- No, no, no, no.

- Couldn't you just wait a bit?

- Well what about my cello?

- Well, you could use mine.

- I've lined up this deal

with this guy today. - Danni.

It's really important to me.

- I can't.

- Just,

let go. - I don't even know

if you care about me anymore.

- Danni, I care about you more than anything.

- Well then can we have lunch?

- I was just thinking that yes.

- Is Zumberella's okay?

- Okay.

- One o'clock?

- One o'clock.

- Okay.

Hi.

- Hi.

Oh hi.

- Well, bye.

- You make a good cup of coffee.

- Oh, thanks.

So you don't like froth?

That was a really dumb thing to say about the froth.

Oh God.

Is this okay?

- Yeah, sit down.

Do you make coffee all the time?

- No, I'm in the midst of doing my thesis.

- What on?

- Doris Day as feminist warrior.

- You're into popular culture and all that.

- How about you?

- Classics.

- Classics, wow.

I bet you're really brainy and deep

and read Socrates when you're relaxing.

I suppose your parents are in publishing or academia

and you all speak ancient Greek around the table.

Well, stop me if I make a complete idiot of myself.

- No, you're cute.

Anyway, that about sums me up.

So tell me more about your thesis.

- Oh, it's all a bit dull really.

- No, it sounds interesting.

- Classics sounds interesting.

- What do you do with a degree in classics?

- What do you do with a thesis on Doris Day?

Oh shit.

- What's wrong?

What are you doing?

- It's my supervisor.

- You heard about Toby?

- What about Toby?

- He's thinking about having a snip.

- Oh, you mean voluntarily?

- No, he's been kidnapped by some cult,

that tie up boys and then cut off their jackets.

Toby must be out of his mind.

It must be some macho thing.

- I think it's got something to do with a girl.

Doesn't ribbing compensate?

Apparently not.

- Could you keep it down please, okay?

- Have you heard about Michael's hemorrhoid?

Sorry, I'll just go and grab one first.

Hey, either of you guys got a dollar coin?

- Sorry man.

- Oh, how about you, man?

- There you go.

- Cheers.

I've only got a tenner.

- Oh that's cool.

- Thanks mate.

I got one.

- You're in my Latin class.

- Yeah, yeah that's right Ari, right?

- Yeah.

- Name's Michael.

Oh, sorry.

- It's cool.

- Yeah, I've been having a real shitty time lately.

I can't get any work done.

I'm living with a bunch of nonstop party animals.

I mean, I like to party as much as the next guy, you know?

But these guys, they're just amazing.

They're just not human.

They never stop.

It's my own fault really.

I should never have moved in with a bunch of med students.

Yeah, med students are crazy fuckers.

- Yeah, I'm a med student.

- Right.

I'll be seeing you.

- I mean, they're nice guys and everything.

I just gotta get out of there, you know?

I just seems impossible to find somewhere.

Unless you're an open-minded,

spiritually aware vegan Nazi who can sing show tunes.

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

Good luck.

- See you Ari

- Michael.

Some friends of mine are looking for someone

to move into their place there.

You know, pretty cool.

Maybe I can introduce you to them.

- Mate, that would be great.

That's fantastic,

yeah. - Michael stay cool.

You haven't met them yet.

- I'm cool, I'm cool.

There you go, fine paid.

- Over my dead body you will.

Look, you can have the bloody house,

but Angus is living with me.

Yeah?

Do you have any idea what you sound like?

Yeah, you sound like television soap opera.

Yeah.

And honey, honey,

quite frankly I'm turning you off

because you bore me fucking stupid.

Mia, nice to see you.

Sit down.

- It's just a quick matter.

- Anything for one of this department's most

brilliant students.

Would you like a donut?

- No thanks.

I'm not hungry.

- Please have one.

Come on, come on.

You never even wanted Angus in the first place,

so forget it my pet.

He's living with me.

Look.

18 years.

18 years and she leaves me for a fucking actor.

And she wants Angus too.

Isn't he sweet?

It's his third birthday next week.

- He's lovely.

- Sorry about this.

What can I do for you?

- Oh, just need you to sign this form.

- Certainly.

Why Mia?

Are you not happy?

- Oh, I'm very happy.

It's just personal reasons.

- I wish you'd tell me.

I'd like to think that we were friends.

- I can't.

- Mia,

this is not a decision to be taken lightly.

I mean, you can't expect to go willy-nilly

from one department to the next.

- Well I'm sure I'm making the right decision.

- And if you do change, I for one would take a very dim

view of you ever returning.

- Well, I have no intention of,

I mean, I'm sure I'm making

the right move so- - I see.

You haven't exactly been a model student

whilst you've been with us.

Have you now?

Your essays have been constantly late.

Your class attendance has been dreadful.

Or perhaps you do belong in some other department.

Here, I won't sign it until the head of that

other department signs it.

Let's see whether they'll stoop low enough

before I set you free.

- Fine.

- Sorry, I just had to finish that pencil.

- So is that fine then, I can join the department?

- Sure, no problem.

We're happy to have you.

- Great.

Well-

- You completed all the necessary prerequisite subjects.

I'm sure I have.

- Good.

So what was it you wanted from me again?

- Just a signature so I can join your department.

- Oh right, I'm sorry I can't do anything for you

until Professor Leach releases you from his department.

- Absolutely not.

No way.

Go back and tell her that if she wants you,

she has to sign first.

She knows that those are the rules.

- Will you please sign this form?

Nope.

- Please. - Nope.

- Please. - Nope.

Please.

- Not until she signs first.

And don't forget my lecture.

You're still in this department.

Hi Ari.

- Hi.

- She's a babe.

Do you know her well?

- We've been together a couple of times.

So, you know looks can be deceiving.

- Wish girls like that would deceive me.

In fact, any girl,

it's been a while since I've been with anyone.

- Why?

You're a pretty good looking guy.

- I don't know.

I just find it hard to meet anyone I like.

- But those parties at your place?

- Strictly a bloke's affair.

I don't think anyone there ever brought a girl over.

You know, male med students all talk, no action.

- Getting outta there was a great idea.

- Yeah, there is this one girl, you know?

She seems really...

- Cute?

- Well, pretty cute.

But she seems like the type of girl

who'd like to get a long-term thing happening.

- Ask her out.

- I'm just waiting for the right opportunity.

- Michael, you're being too cautious.

The trick is confidence.

Women really go for men who know what they're doing.

- Yeah, I'll keep that in mind.

See, I'm still a bit cautious after my last encounter.

- Oh yeah?

- Just freaked me out badly, you know?

- It's not that tragic.

It's important to have lots of experiences.

My motto is, you should make a point

of trying everything once.

Except incest and folk dancing.

- You see, I know what I want.

That's the easy part.

It's just fighting someone to fit the bill.

- You've got a checklist?

- Well, don't you think it's important

to share the same interests and tastes?

- Mia,

Mia.

- Hi Ari, I can't stop.

No, just come here.

- Oh, I can't, I can't.

I found a potential housemate.

- Potential what?

- A housemate?

A friend of Ari's?

Great.

- We'll meet him at Sivanas Cafe at one, okay?

Bye.

- But that's where I'm meeting...

- That's absurd.

He knows my hands are tied.

Look, why don't you go down and see Mr. Papadopoulos

at the office for course enrollments and alterations.

Get him to sign and then I'll sign.

Oh, I'm looking for Mr. Papadopoulos.

I'm afraid he's out to lunch.

Could you come back around two?

- Oh.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

It's not your fault my life's a complete disaster.

Oh, Adrian.

- All right,

now the thing I want to discuss today is the auteure

which is either a seagoing mammal,

or it's French for author.

But I'm pretty confident it's the latter.

Now many of you are probably already familiar

with the term auteure theory.

We're going to be discussing auteurism,

not just as a theory but as a critical practise.

Now this semester we'll be looking exclusively

at the works of Alfred Hitchcock.

- We studied Hitchcock last year.

He's like yesterday.

- Quentin is the best.

- Leave it alone.

He's only made a few films.

Woody Allen, he's the tops.

Bananas. - Bananas.

Manhattan. - Manhattan.

Annie Hall.

Bullets.

- Woody is a nerd.

- Yeah, totally. - Right?

Now, Spike he is cool.

Spike's Spike.

- Spike, Spike, Spike.

- Did I miss much? - And now we will only see

how Herculean task of mapping out

and interpreting the Hitchcock universe.

A universe populated by such things

as the eternally castrated male hero.

The ice princess.

The absent whore mother,

deadly doppelgangers

and such things.

- Mia, do you know anything about dreams?

- Huh?

- A friend of mine keeps having this dream.

- Right.

- He's looking for his girlfriend

and he finds himself outside her apartment building.

And on his way he meets her father

who says he's going to the hospital.

- I hate hospitals, wicked places.

- He goes inside and the building's much grander

than her place in real life.

And he takes a lift up to the 20th floor,

but he never gets there.

- Told you hospitals were spooky places.

- Hey?

He's not in a hospital.

He's in his girlfriend's apartment building.

- Right.

- When the lift opens at the sixth floor,

he's compelled to get out.

- Eerie. - Yeah.

Really eerie.

He sees lots of people all dressed up formal, you know,

like a Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire

going into an apartment.

So he follows.

Woody Allen's at the entrance

and he tells him the apartment's open for inspection.

- Woody Allen was in his dream?

- Yeah, but he's always in his dreams.

Inside there's lots of commotion.

The guy feels trapped, confused.

The crowd has gathered in a circle and he's drawn into it.

Part of him wants to look away,

but something compels him to look.

There's a baby boy naked

in a cot

and his girlfriend's wielding a razor.

Then it ends.

Industrial,

anti-artistic work conditions. - Right.

- Well do you think it means something?

The arguments.

- I don't know.

It sounds like the guy's got an insecurity

problem with his dick.

Do you know if it's really tiny?

Matters on sand that is

Who carry out.

- But what is amor or love doing to omnia, everything?

It's conquering it.

Overcoming it.

And so furnishing us with one of the most important tenets

of Christian humanism.

Omnia vincit amor.

Okay?

Next week, the subjective.

- What exactly does she mean by by Christian humanists

conquering love?

- It's not about anyone or anything conquering love.

It's like love's got the upper hand.

It's love is your main subject that does it.

And everything else is predicated by love.

Or in this case, Vincit,

everything else is conquered by love.

Amor us love wins over everything else

Omnia Vincit Amor.

- And next week it's gonna be in the subjunctive, right?

- Forget about next week in the subjunctive.

We're talking transitive definitives here.

No ifs buts or maybes.

Omnia Vincit amor,

love beats the shit out of all those new to plurals.

- Yeah cool, I get it.

- I'll see you later Michael.

- Yeah.

Shit.

Yeah, I don't know that many people in Melbourne.

You know, I come from a pretty small town.

Dunno that many people back home either.

I spent most of my time swatting for exams.

You know, I always wanted to be a doctor.

I'm not a quick fix doctor.

You know, spend five seconds with a patient,

hand out some pills to support the pharmaceutical industry.

You know, send them on the merry way.

No, I always want to be able

to take the whole person into account,

like an old fashioned family doctor

who really knows their patients.

Modern medicine in some ways has become a panacea

for the problems created by modern living.

And rather than helping people

to become healthy individuals,

we just patch up the problems created by modern society.

- Yeah.

So I wonder where Alice is?

- Oh shit, it's Danni.

- Who?

- My girlfriend.

You're my my cousin.

Okay?

My cousin from out of town.

And you don't want a room, okay?

There's no room.

Danni hi.

- I've just been waiting at Rumbarella's for 40 minutes.

- Rumbarella's?

I thought we were meeting here.

- No.

Sit down guys.

This is my cousin.

- I'm her cousin by marriage.

Michael Douglas.

Well, not the Fatal Attraction one though.

Well, I should be going,

it's nice to meet you all.

I'll see you tonight cousin.

Good luck with finding somebody for that room.

Bye.

- I can explain all that.

- Can you?

- Of course.

- So do you just keep me waiting at Rumbarellas

because you were busy with your cousin?

- Look, I've just been under a lot of pressure.

- Yeah, but you do this to me all the time.

- Well, you're not exactly perfect.

- Don't try and justify your behaviour

by insinuating things about me.

- I don't have any behaviour to justify.

- Well then what is your problem?

- Well, I just had bad luck, that's all.

- But you are always having bad luck.

- Well, it's the truth.

- Well maybe it's true,

but does your subconscious know that it's true?

- Oh, so you're my psychotherapist now?

- I'm just trying to be honest.

- And I'm not?

- You lie all the time.

- Oh, come on, have a little faith.

- Good line.

Which movie did you get that from?

But you're right, you know?

In a relationship there has to be faith.

If you've lost that, then you've lost everything.

- Yeah, I suppose when that's gone, there's not much point.

- Do you mean that?

- What?

- What you just said.

Well, I guess that settles it.

- I guess it does.

There's not much point in me hanging around then is there?

So, have a nice day.

- Oh yeah and don't forget to take your shadow with you.

Fuck.

- Sorry, I've missed him, haven't I?

I ran into Novak.

There was no escaping.

Was he any good?

Is he gonna move in?

Hey, guess who I'm meeting here?

- Who?

- Ari.

- Oh, that's nice.

I gotta go.

- What's the matter?

- Oh, nothing, I just...

Hi Mia.

- Hi, Mr. Papadopoulos.

Mr. Papadopoulos,

could you sign this form?

- There you go.

- Thanks.

Just move away from the door.

That's good.

Thank you.

- What's going on?

- Dick is dead.

- What do you mean?

- Professor Leach just died.

- He died?

- And I knew he was seeing this other woman when we met.

So I asked him about it and he denied it.

He said he'd never been with her, but I knew he was lying.

So, I don't know.

I just, I couldn't trust him after that.

It didn't work out.

I just think people should be honest with each other.

Is that unreasonable?

- Maybe he was trying to protect you.

- Protect me from what?

- From getting hurt.

- Well it hurt me that he couldn't tell me the truth.

- Don't you think you're putting too much emphasis on truth?

You think truth is good?

The truth is reality.

- What do you mean?

- You can't come face to face

with truth too frequently, or it'll blow you away.

- Well I think we need truth

and honesty so that we can deal with reality.

I think we need them to survive.

- Well here we are.

We're having lunch together.

That's a kind of a truth.

- So,

have you got a part-time job?

Hey Mia.

What's up?

You're looking a little the worse for wear man.

- The university's trying to ruin my life.

It's a conspiracy.

- You too huh?

Some pretty weird shit

has been happening to me lately.

- What, like getting a $663 library fine,

for books you can't even remember borrowing.

- Wow.

But yeah, exactly.

They keep sending me these really terse letters

saying I can't borrow ever again.

'Cause I've still got books

that I know I returned in first year on time.

That used to happen to me in high school too.

Maybe they're in on it together.

What's even worse than that,

is they've set the library security alarms

to detect thieves and me.

It doesn't happen all the time.

It's random.

They sort of lull me into a false sense of security.

And then bam, complete humiliation.

I must be searched at least two, or three times a week.

You know, I'm starting to get really paranoid.

I think that's the plan.

I've developed this anxiety about walking through doorways.

It took me two and a half hours

to leave the house this morning.

Hey, don't cry Mia.

It's okay.

- Mia.

What's the matter?

- Leach had a heart attack and died.

- Oh God.

- Were you close?

- I couldn't stand him.

He was meant to sign this fucking form.

It's the last day, it's 3:30.

I'm ruined.

Now I'll never get into Adrian's class.

- I'm sure they'll understand.

- They don't care.

- Well, can't you fake his signature?

I mean, they can hardly check with him can they?

- I don't know what it looks like.

I need a stamp thingy.

- Well get into his office.

- It's locked.

- You could climb in the window.

- It's on the fifth floor.

I'm doomed.

- I know what to do.

Meet me here in an hour.

- Oh, I'm sorry Mia.

I have to go and see my counsellor.

Will you be okay till I get back?

He's my perfect supervisor.

I mean, he's admitted to me

that he actually despises Doris Day,

even though he's the world's leading authority on her.

I just feel so guilty.

I promised him that I would show him this draught

and I can't, it's not good enough.

Maybe I'm just a loser

and I know I'm not good enough and I'll fail.

Mia thinks I'm like that with boys.

She reckons my criteria for, you know,

the one are unrealistic and that I'm,

I don't know, I'm limiting my options.

One, I prefer boys that are left-handed.

Two.

They've gotta like the same films and you know,

and three, they've got to be honest.

You know, I believe in the forces of fate

and I've always felt that I would meet

my match at university.

It might sound crazy, but

intuition and romantic fatalism shouldn't be taken lightly.

Oh, but maybe Mia's right.

Maybe I am too rigid about this stuff.

Oh,

that's it.

You've cracked it.

The connection.

The reason why I can't write anymore.

The reason I'm here.

It's 'cause all this time I've subconsciously

been waiting to meet the right boy.

And that's what's been deflecting me from my purpose.

And now that I realise I've just been suffering

from a simple psychotic depression,

I feel strangely empowered.

I think I've met the boy.

I think this is it.

I mean he may not fit my criteria,

but,

I don't care anymore.

The word is

And chocolate eclairs up his rectum.

Oh wow man.

What a way to go.

- Waiting for someone?

- Hi.

- I'm gonna need to get that money back off you.

- Yeah, I know.

- Good, 'cause me and Savita are planning to go away.

So I wanna get this cello business outta the way first.

- Oh holiday, it's nice.

- Yeah, we're going to Savita's parents' farm.

- Oh farm?

- They breed cattle.

- Oh, cattle farm.

Oh it's a wonderful opportunity to get away.

- Yeah well, I think it will do me some good.

- Yeah.

Oh no it'll be great.

All that fresh air.

Up at dawn to feed the cows.

All that good food.

You've warned them that you're a veggie.

No decent coffee, or chocolate for miles around to temp you.

The exercise, the walks.

Feeding the animals with hay.

- Yeah, I love the country.

I'm really looking forward to it.

- Oh, I forgot that you won't be

able to do that bit, will you?

I mean with a hay.

She's got terrible allergies.

- That's fine.

I'll just take some antihistamines up with me

and won't be a problem.

- Oh hey remember that time we went to Auntie Jo's

and we went into the barn to collect some eggs,

and poor Dan's head swelled up like a balloon.

Although that's right.

The next day I snuck into Dan's room right?

And we're trying to be really quiet

and Auntie Jo comes in to see if she's okay

and Dan's trying to carry out this very polite

conversation with her.

And the whole time I'm under the covers, right?

Giving her a yeah,

so yeah, we managed to have a pretty good time

despite Danni's allergies,

rashes, refusal to leave the house

in case she got bitten by snakes, or spiders.

Alice Dani and Savita are going to the country.

- Really?

I thought you didn't like the country?

- Look, me and Savita have really gotta go.

So don't forget my money, okay?

- See you at the party.

- I wouldn't miss it for the world.

- Can you believe that?

What does Danni see in her?

- What's going on?

- Oh, we split up.

- Oh Mia honey, you haven't.

- She's already going with someone.

- Why?

- I don't know.

They're totally incompatible.

- No, I mean but why did you split up?

- Oh, you know, we weren't getting on.

I'm cool about it.

- No, this is not a good idea.

- Stay here.

God.

- There's someone's coming.

- Alice, what are you doing here?

- I've come to get something

I left in Professor Leach's office.

An essay.

- Alice, Richard had a heart attack this afternoon.

- What do you mean?

- He died.

- He died?

- Look, if it's urgent, I can get in with my master key.

- Oh no.

Oh I couldn't.

I don't think that's right.

No, I've gotta go.

It's okay guys.

It's clear.

Champagne for everyone.

- Yeah, we'll stop at the bottle shop on the way home.

- And drugs, we need lots of drugs.

- I can be over enthusiastic.

Full on.

I'm calm.

I'm relaxed.

Speak intelligently and not about medicine.

Women wanna be seduced by a man

who knows what he's doing.

Drink his confidence.

I'm confident.

I'm oozing confidence.

Confidence coming out of every pore.

Mr confidence himself.

I'm cool.

Super fly cool.

I'm John Travolta.

I'm Pee wee Herman.

- Tina Turner.

Stevie Nicks.

Pregnant.

- It's retro.

- They're all your clothes.

- They're all horrible.

- I used to think love was the delusion

that one woman differs from the other.

But maybe that was the delusion.

Perhaps that famous iconoclast Lennon was right,

when he said "Love is all you need".

Or was that McCartney?

Hi Michael.

- Hi. - Hi.

Should I have bought something?

- No, you're cool.

Stop at the bottle shop if you like.

Yeah.

- Alice.

Alice, this is Michael.

- Oh hi.

- Hi Alice.

- You know the one who wants to move in?

- Oh right.

- It's a cool place you guys have here.

- Yeah, so when can you move in?

Well, I have to be out the next week or so.

- Hey, I need to get that jumper back off you.

'Cause we are going away tomorrow.

- It's in my bedroom.

Just pick it up with the rest of your stuff.

- Let's part on good terms hey?

- Let's drink to it.

Let's drink to our futures.

And here's hoping that you

and Savita will be very happy together.

Which I very much doubt.

- Well, let's drink to your happiness.

- Let's just drink to both of us.

- Okay.

- As someone once said,

as we go down life's highway, you go your way

and I go mine.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

- But all beautiful things must come to an end.

So I guess we may as well call it a day.

- Good party hey?

- What's the matter?

- No thanks.

- Hi.

- Hi Mia.

- Adrian, you made it.

- I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

- Drink.

- Thanks.

- Hey, I've got some great news.

- I've got some great news too.

I'm going to France.

The Sorbonne want me to do my course on Australian cinema.

- Wow.

So you're off to Paris next year?

- I'm going in two weeks.

- But you just changed to cultural studies.

- I've worked it out with the university.

I'm gonna take a sabbatical, go to the French gig,

come back and then join cultural studies.

- Oh, that's great.

- What's your news?

- Oh I just...

- He saw the world divided into pairs that were opposites.

Light, darkness, fineness, coarseness, warmth, cold,

being, non being and weight and lightness.

One half he called positive.

The other half negative.

Now that may sound really simple,

but which half was positive, lightness or weight?

Armenide said that light less is positive weight negative.

So was he right?

- I'm not sure.

- I've just been rereading

"The Unbearable Lightness of Being"

Coundaire ties it all with Nietzsche's theory

on eternal return.

- I haven't read the book.

I saw the movie.

- Forget the stupid movie.

If every second of our life reoccurs

an infinite number of times,

that puts a really heavy responsibility

on everything that we do.

But if they don't return, they're totally without weight.

They're inconsequential.

Nietzsche calls the idea of the eternal return,

the heaviest of burdens.

When we think of the heaviest of burdens,

we think of being pinned down by them.

But in love poetry,

there are often images of women longing to be weighed down

by the weight of a man.

The heaviest of burdens.

Life's most intense fulfillment.

Like the heavy the burden,

the more truthful and real our lives become.

On the other hand, the absence of burden

causes us to be more truthful.

Real.

So what do you choose?

Weight or likeness?

- Oh well weight I guess.

Oh shit sorry.

- See,

Ari the thing about relationships,

monogamous relationships

is that they're very complicated.

There's a lot of hassles, a lot of game playing.

It's really not for me.

- There are advantages.

- Like what?

- You're not alone.

- I heard he was wanking over a picture of Madonna

and he had a heart attack.

Oh get real, he just had a heart attack.

Wasn't he the lecturer who was a cross dresser?

- No, you're thinking of Mr. Jones

from the literature department

who has an alter ego called Maria.

- Did you guys hear

that he's going out with one of his students?

- No way.

- Oh yeah, I know her.

Julie's the name.

She's really nice.

She's in my class.

- So would that mean that Julie's going out

with Jones or with Maria?

- She goes out with Maria.

Jones is asexual, but Maria's a full-on lesbian.

- So would that make her gay or straight?

- She's het.

So do they make lover as lesbians,

or do they have intercourse?

Yeah, they have intercourse.

But Jones can only do it in a dress as Maria.

- Alice.

Great party.

Have you seen Mia?

We're going now.

- Yeah, she's in there.

I think she'd like to see you.

Hi stranger.

How's it going?

- Okay.

- So it's like that, huh?

- Yeah.

And top it all off my girlfriend dumped me.

- That's really funny 'cause I heard that you dumped her.

- Nah, she did it to me, but I deserved it.

- Have you tried talking to her?

- I was insensitive.

I don't know if she'd speak to me again.

- Well, I'd give it a try.

If you apologised, grovelled, sent her flowers

that sort of thing.

- I think she's seeing someone else.

- Well, I'd give it a try anyway.

You never know maybe they're just friends.

- So you think this apologising thing might be worth a go?

- I think the groveling's very important.

- What about Savita?

- She's gone home.

- I feel really weird.

I've had the strangest day

and I just feel really lightheaded.

I feel like something's gonna change.

What?

- I've been thinking exactly the same thing.

Are you sure you wanna give this to me?

Yes.

- No, I mean, are are you really sure

you wanna give it to me?

- For the third millionth time, yes.

I want you to have it.

- Hello.

We thought we'd visit.

- No, come on, come on up.

- Great.

Let's share this.

- Oh.

- Come on.

- You know that one?

God, I can't remember with the two.

There's two.

- Come on.

- And I can't remember they're

doing this thing.

- Thelma and Louise?

- No.

- Next.

- That's pathetic.

All right.

Okay.

Gilda 'cause of Rita Hayward's hair.

- Oh yeah.

- Sure I'm decent.

- She's my girlfriend.

- And Pulp Fiction because

that was the first film that Danni and I saw together

and Danni fainted during the injection scene.

And I had to take her home

and I had my way with her.

And Naked Killer 'cause of the way Sister Cindy

blows smoke off the gun.

- Okay Ari, your turn.

Three favourite films and the reason why.

- Okay.

Alphaville for its dystopian vision.

Eraserhead.

But I can't think why.

And Raging Bull because it's about a man

who loses everything, but regains it spiritually.

- All right.

- Okay, it's my turn.

Mine changes every day.

Calamity Jane for Doris Day.

Meet me in St. Louis for the family I never had.

- Oh.

- And Purple Rose of Cairo

because it warns against not following your dreams.

- Sorry, I thought I'd just have a look

at the room for rent.

Sorry.

- Michael, come up. - Come here.

- Come up.

- Come up. - Come up.

Come on up, we're playing a game.

- Okay.

- Sit down.

- We're playing a game.

- Yeah. You have to tell us

your three favourite films and the reasons why.

- Three favourite films?

- Yeah.

- Reasons why?

Purple Rose of Cairo,

'cause it's about following your dreams.

Meet me in St. Louis,

'cause that's about,

well I always wish I had a family like that.

Third movie.

Calamity Jane Doris Day.

I mean, what can I say?

She's great.

- I have to accept this fact.

Human beings fall into two very distinct groups.

Those that need love, that crave it,

that thrive on its every folly, that can't exist without it.

And the few like me who exist outside of it,

beyond it, who remain alone like a rock.

I'm an island.

Fuck it.

- I know it needs a lot of work.

- I think it's perfect.

I wouldn't touch a word.

- Oh, you are just saying that.

- No, I really think it's great.

I'm envious.

- So when are you gonna move in?