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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:05,080 You know, big guy. 2 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:16,840 Steve! 3 00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:21,940 How you be, you busy? 4 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:25,660 I be busy, you be going. 5 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,120 No, wait. 6 00:00:27,220 --> 00:00:30,520 Don't you want to know what this is and why I'm wearing a kilt? 7 00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:34,010 No. I'm sure you do. 8 00:00:34,210 --> 00:00:38,090 Why, I hold in my hands the revolutionary Urkel McBagpipes. 9 00:00:40,530 --> 00:00:41,530 Steve. 10 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:43,610 Don't bug me. 11 00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:46,370 Plug me. 12 00:00:49,870 --> 00:00:53,410 I don't even know why I bother. 13 00:00:55,350 --> 00:01:01,150 I'm getting ready to make a boogie. 14 00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:21,520 We're making down to me, laddie. 15 00:01:23,820 --> 00:01:24,820 It really works. 16 00:01:25,060 --> 00:01:27,160 You look ridiculous, but it really works. 17 00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:29,140 But here, Carl, take it for a spin. 18 00:01:29,460 --> 00:01:31,180 Well, I... Oh, come on. Go ahead. Come here. 19 00:01:38,430 --> 00:01:39,430 Thank you. 20 00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:18,350 Look what you did. 21 00:02:33,630 --> 00:02:40,150 It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper 22 00:02:40,150 --> 00:02:43,830 page. Love and tradition of the grand design. 23 00:02:44,570 --> 00:02:47,530 Some people say it's even harder to find. 24 00:02:48,550 --> 00:02:54,550 Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls. 25 00:02:55,790 --> 00:03:02,370 Because all I see is a tower of dreams. Real love bursting out of everything. 26 00:03:04,210 --> 00:03:10,610 It's the bigger love of the family. 27 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:40,800 I think it's time to redecorate this room. 28 00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:44,880 I'm tired of this old stuff. We need some new furniture. Wait a minute. Wait 29 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,680 minute. What is wrong with this stuff? 30 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,200 I like this stuff. It's old and comfortable, just like us. 31 00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:52,880 Speak for yourself, Grandpa. 32 00:03:55,940 --> 00:03:57,140 Harriet, you know what I mean. 33 00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:59,140 We bought this stuff when we got married. 34 00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:01,460 We married each other, not the couch. 35 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,180 But it has a certain sentimental value to it. 36 00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:07,700 Yeah. 37 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,480 Every time I walk past that, I see your butt imprint. 38 00:04:17,399 --> 00:04:19,459 Hey, Mrs. Winslow, thanks for letting us do our laundry. 39 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,680 Ma, why didn't you warn me that when you put sweaters in the dryer, they come 40 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,680 out like this? 41 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,000 Consider yourself warned. 42 00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:34,000 But that's just great. What am I supposed to do with this? 43 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,200 Hey, I can give it to my doggie. 44 00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:40,330 He's not going to your college, but we don't have to tell anybody. 45 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:45,230 Edward, I'd like to ask your opinion about something. 46 00:04:46,230 --> 00:04:49,090 Do you think that we need new furniture? 47 00:04:51,550 --> 00:04:52,550 Most definitely. 48 00:04:53,530 --> 00:04:54,530 Why? 49 00:04:54,810 --> 00:04:56,670 Because this stuff will look great in our pocket. 50 00:04:59,670 --> 00:05:00,930 You're excused. 51 00:05:14,990 --> 00:05:16,550 Why are you being so stubborn about this? 52 00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:19,030 Because, Harry, it's going to cost a fortune. 53 00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:24,870 No, it's not. I worked out a budget, and it's only going to cost us $3 ,000. 54 00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:29,750 $3 ,000? 55 00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:31,750 American? 56 00:05:32,550 --> 00:05:35,450 Oh, Tom, open up your wallet and let some fresh air in. 57 00:05:37,610 --> 00:05:40,810 Not until you cut your budget way down. 58 00:05:41,470 --> 00:05:43,970 I already cut my budget way down. 59 00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:50,400 There is no way that I am paying $3 ,000 to redecorate this house. 60 00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,020 Not the house, just this room. 61 00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:55,420 Harriet, you're trying to kill me. 62 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,580 But we'll discuss this later. 63 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,300 Oh, we'll discuss this later. 64 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:02,840 That's husband talk for you can forget it. 65 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:05,640 That's right, Harriet. 66 00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:11,000 Just like, let's go out for a romantic dinner. It's wife talk for I'm too tired 67 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,000 to cook. 68 00:07:41,230 --> 00:07:42,250 for Swirl. 69 00:08:31,340 --> 00:08:31,979 and surprise. 70 00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:32,980 Yes, it is, isn't it? 71 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,320 Boy, that's a snappy outfit you're wearing. 72 00:08:36,539 --> 00:08:38,320 Yeah. Chicks dig snappy. 73 00:08:40,340 --> 00:08:42,880 So, what brings you by, sir? My new Porsche. 74 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,400 Oh. 75 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:47,240 Ooh. 76 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,000 She is a beauty. 77 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,900 So, Winslow, you still driving that Gremlin? 78 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,460 I'm afraid so, sir. 79 00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:12,860 Maybe one day I'll be able to afford a car like yours, but right now I'm barely 80 00:09:12,860 --> 00:09:14,600 able to redecorate my living room. 81 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,240 Too bad. It needs it. 82 00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:20,660 Let me give you a little economics lesson, Winslow. 83 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,580 Guess how much I paid for that Porsche. 84 00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:26,100 Oh, I don't know. 85 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:27,680 $60 ,000. 86 00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:29,100 That's how much it costs. 87 00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:31,020 Guess how much I paid for it. 88 00:09:33,390 --> 00:09:34,390 $40 ,000? 89 00:09:35,050 --> 00:09:36,050 Wrong. 90 00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:40,250 I got it at a police auction. I only paid $5 ,000. 91 00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:46,450 What? You mean no other cop bid more than $5 ,000? Not if I ordered him not 92 00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:49,250 Boy, it's fun being me. 93 00:09:49,550 --> 00:09:52,890 I'm telling you, you get all sorts of stuff cheap at police auctions, 94 00:09:52,890 --> 00:09:53,890 furniture. 95 00:09:54,950 --> 00:09:56,270 I never thought about that. 96 00:09:56,850 --> 00:10:00,010 Anyway, in a month there's going to be another auction. Check it out. 97 00:10:00,770 --> 00:10:03,570 Well, it's time. me to go according to my four dollar Rolex. 98 00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:09,330 Well, thanks for the advice, sir. Anytime. 99 00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:10,550 I'm full of it. 100 00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:11,870 Yeah, that you are, sir. 101 00:10:16,130 --> 00:10:23,130 That calculus exam was a killer. I thought 102 00:10:23,130 --> 00:10:24,990 I was going to wear out the batteries on my calculator. 103 00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:32,149 Swirly alert. 104 00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:33,150 Let's go. 105 00:10:33,530 --> 00:10:34,690 I'm not budging. 106 00:10:35,110 --> 00:10:37,310 Stephen Q. Urkel runs away from no man. 107 00:10:37,830 --> 00:10:39,570 Rascal, a word with you? 108 00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:41,490 What do you want, Urkel? 109 00:10:41,870 --> 00:10:46,790 Just to let you and that Nimrod Dre know that your swirly days with Stephen Q. 110 00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:48,070 Urkel are over. 111 00:10:48,630 --> 00:10:49,630 Man, get lost. 112 00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:53,190 As you can see, I've been working out lately. 113 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:12,340 Urkel, man. I know he's tight. I'm flushing no action. 114 00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:15,920 Andre hasn't been around because he's in the hospital. 115 00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:21,100 You've got leukemia. 116 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,060 Andre had leukemia? 117 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,360 Yeah, he did. 118 00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:44,200 Oh, I feel awful. 119 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:50,400 I said a lot of bad things about Andre, but I never wanted anything like this to 120 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,320 happen. Eve, of course you didn't. 121 00:11:52,740 --> 00:11:54,880 I gotta do something to cheer him up. 122 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,560 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 123 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:31,880 Close your eyes. 124 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,820 I have a surprise for you. 125 00:12:38,380 --> 00:12:39,380 Come on. 126 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:40,480 Come on. 127 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:42,500 Keep your eyes closed. 128 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,160 Come on. 129 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,200 Come on. 130 00:12:46,380 --> 00:12:48,340 Okay. Open them up. 131 00:13:05,420 --> 00:13:06,420 Police auction. 132 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,440 Oh, look at that rat. There's a dead man on him. 133 00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:18,280 That's no problem. He just peels right up. 134 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,160 How? You got all this stuff from a police auction? 135 00:13:25,420 --> 00:13:28,400 Yeah. Most of it belonged to Vinnie the Rat Musconi. 136 00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,820 But he's been put away for ten years. 137 00:13:37,390 --> 00:13:38,990 so you're not hot for the rug. 138 00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:42,410 But, Harriet, take a look at this lamp. 139 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,230 You must admit, it's quite lovely. 140 00:13:46,730 --> 00:13:49,910 Yeah? The bullet holes are a nice touch. 141 00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:55,730 Harriet, I got a great deal for this stuff. 142 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,800 Some of it was owned by drug lords and hookers. 143 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,380 Get it out of here, Carl. 144 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:15,980 Harriet, it's nice. 145 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,400 It's ugly. 146 00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:20,060 It's eclectic. It's ugly. It's waterproof. 147 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,560 It's ugly. 148 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,900 Harriet, you haven't heard the best part. 149 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:31,320 What would you say if I told you that I only spent $312? 150 00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:41,700 Let's say you got taken for 300 bucks. 151 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,700 Harriet, this was a great opportunity. 152 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,420 I saw it and I seized it. 153 00:14:49,660 --> 00:14:50,660 And you want to know why? 154 00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:54,260 Well, I'll tell you why. Because I am Mr. 155 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:55,640 Action. 156 00:14:56,900 --> 00:15:01,500 No offense, Harriet, but you are Miss Inaction. 157 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:06,140 You mow, you ponder, and you dawdle. 158 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,720 But I get things done. 159 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,940 because Carl Otis Winslow is Mr. 160 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:14,360 Action. 161 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,600 Okay, Mr. 162 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:19,840 Action. 163 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:29,160 You can just sleep on this ugly sofa because that's all the action you're 164 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,160 going to be getting. 165 00:15:58,640 --> 00:15:59,640 Andre was doing better. 166 00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,000 Yeah. Well, 167 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,980 he is. But what he really needs is a bone marrow transplant. 168 00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,120 Well, why don't they just give him one? 169 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:11,960 Well, it's really hard finding a match. And Andre's best chance for one is with 170 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,080 another African -American. 171 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,940 Unfortunately, not enough of us are registered. 172 00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:20,920 Registered? To be registered, you have your blood drawn and tested. 173 00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,560 Then, if you match a patient, they do some more tests. 174 00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:26,880 Then, if it looks like you still match, well, you well -aimed 175 00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,480 Sweet, sweet. But you have to be 18 or over. 176 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,020 But I see some seniors out there. 177 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,360 Like the football team, for example. 178 00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:45,700 Well, I know a lot of you have to be 18, 19, 20, 21. 179 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:52,480 You think it's safe this way? I'm 18. I'll sign up. Okay, I'll step right up. 180 00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,040 Nice going, Steve. 181 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:57,800 Oh, thanks, pickle cheeks. 182 00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,320 But this is just the beginning. 183 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,820 Why, there's lots more work. to be done. 184 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,060 This furniture looks better in the dark. 185 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,260 I thought you liked this stuff. 186 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,660 Well, I'm having second thoughts. 187 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:42,420 You know, I think my good bargain overshadowed my better judgment. 188 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:44,540 Honey, look. 189 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,800 I know you were trying to help. 190 00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:49,960 But I wish you had talked to me first. 191 00:17:50,220 --> 00:17:52,620 Now, furniture is something we both have to live with. 192 00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:54,440 We should have decided together. 193 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,440 You're right, sweetheart. 194 00:17:57,980 --> 00:18:00,740 Tomorrow, I'll go get our old stuff from Eddie's apartment. 195 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,060 Thank God you didn't get rid of it. 196 00:18:04,380 --> 00:18:05,820 You know, I've been thinking, sweetheart. 197 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,520 Furniture is very expensive. 198 00:18:09,340 --> 00:18:12,320 So maybe we should buy it a piece at a time. 199 00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:15,580 Sounds like a plan to me. 200 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:18,040 Starting with a big screen TV. 201 00:18:21,340 --> 00:18:23,040 Or a nice couch. 202 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,040 Enough talk. 203 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,980 Let's go upstairs. 204 00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,640 Mr. Action. 205 00:19:30,890 --> 00:19:31,890 Hey, Urkel. 206 00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:34,370 I've been looking for you, man. 207 00:19:35,270 --> 00:19:36,270 Andre? 208 00:19:36,950 --> 00:19:39,270 Well, you're not still giving swirlies, are you? 209 00:19:40,490 --> 00:19:41,490 Nah. 210 00:19:42,730 --> 00:19:45,970 I just came to thank you for helping me find a bone marrow match. 211 00:19:46,710 --> 00:19:48,410 Oh, well, you're more than welcome. 212 00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:54,930 Yeah, I mean, for the drive like the one you started, I... I probably wouldn't 213 00:19:54,930 --> 00:19:55,930 be here. 214 00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:57,870 No, I'm just glad I could... 215 00:20:03,530 --> 00:20:04,950 ask you, man. It's been bugging me for months. 216 00:20:06,810 --> 00:20:08,190 Why do you lift a finger to help me? 217 00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:11,490 I mean, over the years, I must have picked on you a hundred times. 218 00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:15,130 Well, actually, 132 if my journals are up to date. 219 00:20:16,910 --> 00:20:19,090 Yeah, so why do you lift a finger to help me? 220 00:20:21,410 --> 00:20:23,330 Because this is bigger than pranks. 221 00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:25,690 This is about saving your life. 222 00:20:28,930 --> 00:20:30,390 Besides, if you want to... 223 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,100 heard of people talk about angels on earth but i guess maya wears suspenders 224 00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:45,900 i'll stop it or i'll get a swell head you know something i gotta do to 225 00:20:45,900 --> 00:20:51,580 to repay you something i know won't you give me a swirl okay 226 00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:57,860 then i'll buy you lunch oh great like today is pork and a stick 227 00:20:57,860 --> 00:21:00,200 you even sit at my table 15947