All language subtitles for Family Matters s06e12 Midterm Crisis

Hey, Steve.

Want to know why I'm wearing this suit?

You're opening for Cher.

Well, Rooney, you're looking at my
latest invention, the Uncle Magno suit.

Well, it's an improvement over your
regular look.

What does it do?

Why don't you ask?

It's a crime -busting device.

Now, let's say I'm walking down the
street, minding my own business,

and some slimeball jumps out of nowhere,
furnishing a gun. Well, am I

afraid? No, sir.

I just turn on my Erko Magno suit, and
the gun flies out of his hands and into

mine.

Oh.

Oh.

Wow,

you're a human magnet. I'm impressed.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, I've got to show the big guy.
Where's he hanging? Well, I think he's

kitchen.

Please work.

It's a rare condition this day and age
to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the
grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams.

She should win, Mr. Keeney. She has the
prettiest face.

Face?

She's from Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Eddie Winslow, are you using my fat slug
again?

Yeah, I use it to kill a spider.

A spider?

Will you relax?

I can't. You're always using my stuff.

no one takes anything without asking.

We have to show each other a little more
consideration and respect.

It's like Aretha said, R -U -S -P.

making sure they're the right
temperature.

Shrimp always tastes best when they're
cold.

Carl, you're getting all wound up again.

Well, of course I'm wound up, Harriet.

Captain Savage is bringing his
girlfriend over for us to meet.

Oh, honey, I wouldn't worry. He wouldn't
bring her over here if he didn't like

you.

Captain Savage, he's a crafty one.

He wants to see how I do under pressure.

He's not going to promote me, Harriet,
until he knows how I do under pressure.

And I'm good under pressure, aren't I,
Harriet? Huh? Right?

broiler, made the salad, and set the
table. Oh, thanks, honey. You want to

for dinner?

Well, let's see.

Dinner with four middle -aged adults or
a date with a really cute guy.

Hmm, that's a tough decision.

Have a nice time. I better go get ready.

I'd like you two to meet a very special
lady, Lois Keller.

I'm so glad to meet you, Mr. Lackey. No,
no, darling.

Let me explain this again.

Winslow is their last name.

Lackey is my nickname for Carl.

You have a lovely heart.

For some reason, I feel like we've met
before.

I don't think so. I probably have one of
those faces.

What's that wonderful aroma wafting from
the kitchen?

Ah, that steak with scallop potatoes.
One of my favorites. Of course, I like

just about everything.

Except shrimp. I hate shrimp.

This isn't real shrimp.

It's wax.

is the most delicious looking cake I've
ever seen.

Thanks. It's a double dutch chocolate
Bavarian cream.

It's my midterm for pastry 101.

But this old stove is so fussy that
baking this cake was no piece of cake.

It doesn't matter, Waldo. I'm sure
you're gonna get an A.

Really?

I wonder what an A looks like.

I always get it confused with that
letter from the alphabet.

Can I help you do your laundry?

Let's go see a movie.

Cool. What do you want to see?

Anything. As long as I'm with you.

Who's in that?

Let's just do your laundry.

Cool.

Bye,

guys. Later.

Shooting hoops makes me hungry.

Me, too. I can eat a whole cheese wheel.

Waldo, bake the cake.

Were you sure he won't mind if we have
some?

Nah, he's always whipping up stuff.

check my midterm before we leave.

Midterm? Yeah, it's in the fridge.

I baked a luscious double Dutch
chocolate Bavarian cream cake.

Did you hear that, Steve?

Waldo baked a cake for his midterm.

Sure did.

Sure did.

Ooh, I bet it tastes fantastic.

I better check it before we hit the
movie.

Before you go to the fridge, I think
there's something you should know.

Why do I need to know?

What he meant to say is, don't put
butter on your popcorn.

It's all fair.

But what about my cake?

Hey, I'll check on it. Besides, you guys
don't want to miss the movie.

Mama, what are you going to see?

Anything as long as I'm with you.

I think it's foreign.

Max picked it up.

Don't ask.

Eddie, why didn't you tell Waldo the
truth?

Are you crazy?

You see how he acts when I take his
stuff?

And now, Eddo, we all know Waldo isn't a
nuclear physicist, but I'm willing to

bet he's gonna notice the cake is
missing.

No, he won't.

Because tomorrow there's going to be a
double Dutch chocolate Bavarian cream

cake in that fridge, and we're going to
bake it. Oh!

No, sir!

No way in Hades will I be a party to
this deception.

I'll go to that stupid poker festival
with you.

two lovebirds meeting?

Oh, it was in church one Sunday.

I saw this angel. It was her.

So I walked over to her and said, excuse
me, miss, but did you step out of a

stained glass window?

How romantic.

Uh, Harriet, I need your help in the
kitchen.

Why?

Because we, uh, uh, uh, we need more
cookies.

Yeah, we'll go get some more, uh, uh,
cookies? Yeah.

If we do this together, it'll give these
two lovebirds time to smooch. Oh, good

thinking, Winslow. Not before you come
back.

Carl, what are... Harriet,

I finally figured out where I've seen
Lois before.

Where? At the boom -boom room. She's a
stripper.

Savage's girlfriend is a stripper? Yes.

I never forget her face.

Harriet, I was questioning a witness to
a crime. She came on stage and I just

happened to glance up in her direction a
few times.

Carl, what are you going to do?

Pretend it never happened. You can't.

Captain Savage should know about this.
You've got to tell him. Uh -uh.

Captain Savage is the kind of man who
kills the messenger.

He worships that woman. He thinks she's
an angel. I can't go out there and tell

that man his girlfriend is out there
going boom, boom, boom, boom.

Carl, if it were you, wouldn't you want
to know?

I don't know, Harriet.

I think you're wrong on this one.

No, I'm not. I know what I'm talking
about. You've got to touch me on this

Carl.

Okay, Harriet.

But I have to go out... there and tell
that man that his girlfriend has a

butterfly tattooed on her hiney i
thought you just glanced at her

well i'm a cop i am cursed with an eye
for detail

tell winslow what do you think of lois
oh

she's a fine woman sir fine woman yeah
she's everything i ever wanted she's

beautiful kind sensitive

She can kill a deer with one arrow.

Well, those are hard qualities to find,
sir.

I know. That's why I ain't gonna let her
get away.

I'm gonna get down on my knees and I'm
gonna beg her to marry me.

You are?

Uh, doctor, sir, uh, can I be candid?

How candid?

Well, well, Captain, it may be something
that might hurt you very deeply.

Spit it out.

Well, Captain,

Yes, sir.

Captain, Lois is a stripper at the Boom
Boom Room.

Yeah, she's the headliner.

Oh, you know.

Of course. You got a problem with that?

Oh, well, I... I can't believe how
pompous and judgmental you are.

Oh, well, I'm not... She's an artiste.

God, have you ever seen her open a
bottle of soda with her navel?

I haven't had the pleasure, sir. But why
didn't you tell me about this before?

I was going to surprise you and Harry
with two front row seats to the Boom

Room for Saturday night. But you blew
it. And to think I had high hopes for

Oh, but, sir, I'm sorry. Look, save your
energy, because you're going to need it

for foot patrol for two months.

Two months? Make it three.

Lois! Oh, Captain, this is all a
misunderstanding.

Come on, we're leaving.

But I was learning about...

Let's go.

What's the matter?

I'll tell you later.

I love you, China.

How much did it cost?

Captain.

I

guess

you told him, huh?

Made me tell him. Carl, I... Trust me,
Carl.

He'd want to know, Carl.

He'll thank you, Carl.

Well, he thanked me, Harriet.

He thanked me with three months of foot
patrol.

He knows that she's a stripper. He likes
the fact that she's a stripper. He's

probably brought his mom down to the
club to meet her.

I'm sorry.

But you know something, Harriet?

There is a silver lining to all of this.

I'd love to hear it, Carl. I finally get
to utter the words

that I have been waiting 20 long years
to say.

What, Carl?

Harriet, you were...

Listen, Waldo, we sort of accidentally
ate your cake.

You what?

And we tried to cover it up by thinking
another way.

This is the most stupid thing we've ever
done.

Exactly, exactly.

I'm so, so disappointed that we could be
so underhanded.

Sorry I have to be so rough on you guys,
but... I had to get that out.

Well, I guess I better call the landlord
and give him the good news.

And I'll start cleaning up.

Hold the pickles.

This isn't over till the fat lady takes
a bath.

What?

Look, I know what you guys are thinking.

you can walk all over me because you
think i'm dumb well i have feelings too

you cut me do i not cough if you

hit me do i not sneeze and if you call
me names do i not eat

Look, Waldo, I'm sorry.

I really messed up.

I've been a lousy roommate.

But from now on, I'm going to do better.

I care about you, Waldo.

And I'm not going to take advantage of
you anymore.

Friend?

Well, I guess the fat lady took her
bath.