All language subtitles for Family Matters s06e02 To Be or Not to Be 2

Previously on Family Matters.

By tomorrow night, Steve Urkel will
become Stefan Urkel.

Forever.

Wake me, shake me, and break me, but
baby, don't forsake me.

Why don't you break down and get you
some glasses?

Too bad you can't pull a Stefan.

A what?

Well, Stefan or Cal doesn't need
glasses. But when he was Steve Urkel, he

couldn't see Zip without them.

Sounds like what you need is a
transformation chamber.

It's a rare condition this day and age
to read any good news on the newspaper

page. Love and tradition of the grand
design, some people say it's even harder

to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams,
real love bursting out of every scene.

Lord, he's a nerd.

Espousing, camaraderie, and human
interaction makes me a nerd?

Well, if so, then I plead guilty.

What did I just say?

No, I didn't shut off the machine in
time.

He's half nerd, half Carl.

So does that make me a gnarled?

What the heck was that?

asymmetrical bodies, or phylum nematoda,
worm -like animals with fluid -filled

chambers that separate their body walls
from their inside.

Matt, how'd you learn all that stuff?

I have no idea.

Stefan, you gotta, you gotta help me. I
can't live like this. You've got to fix

that machine.

Okay, look, look, give me some time.

Oh, gosh, I gotta rewire the chamber.
It's gonna take some time.

I'm gonna have to buy some parts.

Oh, here, here. Take some casheroonie
and fix it soonie.

Now I know it's not Carl.

All right.

Give me about 24 hours. I should have it
fixed by then. Okay.

Well, I better go break this newsflash
to Harriet.

Did I do that?

little kitchen elf.

Hi, Carl.

Oh, my.

What a delicious looking confection.

Yeah, the church is having a bake sale.

Oh, and it's so purdy.

Carl, that's a great impression of
Steve.

Uh, Sweetums. What?

Brace yourself.

This isn't an impression.

I'm a nerd.

Carl, stop talking like that. You're
scaring me.

I wish I could.

Then pull your pants out your armpits.

No way, baby.

Because I'm styling.

Harry, stop me, please, Harry. I can't
stop. Please, Harry, stop me.

transformation chamber and i heard a lot
of neato fourth noises and i came out

like this i'm half carl and i'm half

nerd the trouble is i don't know when
i'm gonna be carl and i don't know when

i'm gonna be the next

muted the hydraulic

machine and came out a nerd.

Dad, this is terrible.

Is there anything we can do to help?

Rent me an accordion. I feel a poker
coming on.

Car, car, stop it. You're scaring the
kids.

Wait a minute.

Wait. I don't have time to stand around
and poker.

I have to go to work.

After all, I'm a cop.

I'm one of Chicago's finest.

Yeah, I'm gonna go. catch some bad guys
i'm gonna put on my shiny badge

and my cop hat and i'm gonna go to work
no i may look

different on the outside but i still
have the same cat -like reflexes i've

always had

Had less and less time talking like
this.

Man, the gene transformation is
accelerating.

Yeah. I've been listening to the
Bulgarian women's choir, ironing my

and I have this wild urge to eat cheese.

So have you finished fixing the chamber
yet? Have you yet? Have you yet? Not

yet.

Oh, golly gosh darn.

Excuse my foul language.

My work on the chamber is coming along
slowly.

I may be cooler now, but I'm not as
smart as I used to be.

Well, obviously, your crystal diode
transformer is put in backwards.

Hand me a number three Allen wrench.

It's fags.

Fags? Uh -oh.

What's wrong?

I've got a crazy impulse to name all the
colors I bought. Okay, fight that

impulse, Carl.

I'll try.

I'll try. But it's not gonna be easy.

Oh, please.

Now, look, I've been working at this all
night. That's why I have this

fashionable stubble.

So it would really help me out if you
could just keep...

Quiet.

Hello, magnificent mother of the lady I
love.

Yes, well, I fixed the machine. And if
you like Carl back the way he was, just

tell me a time that would be convenient.

I'm here, I'm here.

Let's do it. Then hurry.

I had to sleep with this man last night.

Yeah, I'm eager, too. I've been denied
my husbandly rights.

With a woman as beautiful as Harriet,
that's a terrible loss.

That's right, because I've been missing
her kitten.

All right.

Carl, is that really you?

I think so.

Look, Carl.

Harriet's wearing a new outfit.

Well, it looks expensive. How much does
it cost?

He's back.

Oh, Carl, it's you. It's really you.

You know, I never should have let you
get into that chamber.

That's for sure.

All I wanted to do was improve my
eyesight.

That's what this is about.

Carl, I begged you to get glasses. Well,
I know.

But I was afraid how they'd make me
look.

I thought they'd make me look old.

So I went into the chamber and instead I
ended up like Steve.

Look, I'm going to get glasses, Harriet.
I don't care if they make me look old.

I need to be myself.

That's my guy.

Yeah.

You're right.

So what if a person needs glasses or
they're clumsy or short?

I mean, the fact is...

Everyone's different.

And it would be a boring world if we
were all the same.

What's important is that you like
yourself.

No, love yourself, right?

Right. Well said.

Yeah.

So how come I'm not listening to myself?

You look very handsome, Stephon. Ah,
thank you. And you look beautiful.

But there's something wrong with your
lips.

What? They're not touching mine.

My lips feel

much better now.

Would you like your picture taken?

Ah, certainly. But you know the film
hasn't been invented that can fully

this lady's loveliness.

Wow.

You have a brother?

I'll bring you your photo right back.

You know, Stefan, this has been a
wonderful evening.

and after dinner, I'm available to neck
for six or seven hours.

That's a tempting offer, but there's
something I have to tell you.

Oh?

You know, Laura, your father said
something to me that really hit home.

He taught me that if you just be
yourself and you love yourself, that

will love you, too.

True love is unconditional.

Well, that's true.

Laura, as Stefan or Kel, I'm cool.

Incredibly cool.

But I'm also artificial.

And I just can't live this lie anymore.

I have to change back to who I really
am.

Steve Urkel.

But, Stefan, no, no, no, you don't.
Really.

Laura, Laura, just remember, though.

Even though I'm not real, my love for
you is.

Stefan, I don't understand.

I love you, too.

And if we both love each other, then why
can't we be together?

Because I don't love me.

But, see, we could work on that.

We could take some classes, you know, a
few self -help tapes. You know, they're

great during traffic. You just pop one
in and... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

But it's just not meant to be.

So when are you going to do this?

Well, there's nothing to do. I didn't
take my last step on recharge, so it's

just a matter of time.

How much time?

Well, it's hard to say. It could be
several days or several hours or...

Sorry, my sweet, sweet love. I am sorry.

But this is goodbye.

Forever.

And now I must leave before I draw
attention to myself.

Having champagne.

He'll be back.