Original subtitles

Would you like your picture taken?

Oh, not now, thank you.

Finding everything satisfactory, miss? More than satisfactory.

I've had a delicious dinner in a beautiful restaurant with the handsomest

muffin this side of paradise.

Stephen Q. Urkel.

Oh, I'm mad.

Spill this.

And the bathroom needs some more tamper cakes.

Hi, baby Kate.

I'm a little food snafu, but I took care of it. Oh, Stephen, you're so brave.

It's the rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. Love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is the towel of dreams. Real love bursting out of every

It's the bigger love of the family.

Save the restaurant. You're a hero.

Well, hero is such an appropriate word.

Well, you may have extinguished those flames, but you've only ignited mine.

Kiss me fast and kiss me hard.

Remember.

Not right now.

What's wrong? Are you all right?

How can I say this?

I've been working in my laboratory for months, and I finally perfected my

transformation.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes, stocky nipples.

Like tomorrow night, Steve Urkel will become Stefan Urkel.

Forever.

Steven,

we've been over this before. Why in heaven's galoshes would you want to

You're perfect just the way you are.

Oh, thanks, Myra.

I like me too.

But the woman of my dreams fell in love with Stefan.

You mean Laura?

The cold -hearted ice princess who wouldn't know a good man if he fell in

lap?

I understand.

You're a terrific lady.

But I've always loved Laura.

And changing back to Stefan or Kel is the only way I can get her.

But... she's evil.

Now, Laura and I were meant to be together.

Like we're a team, a duo, a pair, a match, a twosome, an item.

I see.

So all I'm left with are shattered pieces of my broken heart.

Lots of happy memories.

And we'll always have this wonderful night to remember.

Pay up and get out, fire boy.

Will you just remember this?

Everyone else in the shallow world might love the suave and trendy Stefan or

Kel. But I, Myra Boutros Boutros Monkhouse, love you.

vision than me.

It's pitch dark down at that alley. A bat couldn't see those pins.

Oh, you're just upset because I whipped your butt.

And Eddie was wearing rented shoes.

Hey, if they lit that place properly, I could have bowled a 300 game.

Yeah, with better lighting than a bazooka.

Come on, little guy. Let's get ready for dinner.

Yeah, we already heard these excuses in the car.

Well, then look in the paper and see what's playing.

Larry Carl, I think you need glasses.

What? Me? That's ridiculous.

Oh? Then how do you explain what happened this morning at breakfast?

What? You poured orange juice over your cornflakes.

A man cussed out on his dairy products and it gets flack.

You want to see this movie or not?

configuring

and I refuse to beg.

Oh, I'm sorry. Please!

Up your knees, woman.

Now,

my mind is made up. Now, I'm going to step inside that chamber and I'm going

keep stepping into it every week.

Keep stepping into it?

Ah, yes, a small technical matter. You see, the effects only last for a week,

I just hop in every seven days for a little recharge.

Can I at least give you one last kiss? Goodbye.

That'll make me move.

Wake me, shake me and break me. But baby, don't forsake me.

It's good to see you.

I'll put that away, man.

Well, it's good to see you again, too, Stefan.

Hey, it's great to be seen.

So, uh, what do you think?

Oh, man, you look like you just stepped off the cover of GQ magazine.

GQ, really?

Strut it, BG.

Let me guess.

Giorgio Armani.

Close. Sears.

Man, you look smooth.

If you stood next to Denzel Washington, people would say, hey, there's Carl

Winslow. And what's his name?

You look sensational.

Yes, I know.

Well, come on, honey.

Our public awaits.

Well, let's not disappoint them.

Oh, and listen. While we're gone, don't spend the whole night kissing and

booping. Hey, I'll be a perfect gentleman.

I was talking to Laura.

It's dark in here.

Harry, don't move.

What? You have a bug on your dress.

A what?

Tom,

it's a brooch.

We've been married a lot of years.

Obviously having a problem seeing. I wish you'd break down and get glasses.

Harriet, I do not need glasses.

The bottle of wine you ordered, sir?

Thank you.

Excellent. And if I may, sir, I would like to commend you on your superb

Hey, when I see something that I like, I order it.

It's just not often a customer orders a $200 bottle of wine.

$200?

Carl, I thought you knew how expensive it was.

Well, I...

why you ordered it, you said, because it was a special occasion and you're with

a special lady.

Well, I was probably very sincere at the time.

Are we ready to order the entrees?

We'll need a few more minutes.

Carl, would you like me to read the menu to you?

Harriet, That won't be necessary.

I'm not a child.

I'm telling you, you need glasses.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Who can read in this stupid dim light?

I mean, if this place charges enough, why can't they spring for some light

bulbs?

No. Hey,

Grandma. How you doing?

I'm chilling like...

The last time you said no to a sandwich, Nixon was president.

Mother?

I'm not in the mood.

I had a little mishap at dinner tonight.

Mishap? You almost burnt down my favorite four -star restaurant.

Carl, honey, why don't you break down and get you some glasses?

Need glasses.

Oh.

You think farsightedness is a sign of old age, right?

And if you were to get glasses, you'd be admitting that you're getting old.

No, that is... Well, yeah.

Too bad you can't pull a Stefan.

A what?

Well, Stefan or Carol doesn't need glasses.

But when he was Steve Urkel, he couldn't see zip without them.

That's right.

Sounds like what you need is a transformation chamber.

Well... Good night.

And so the word says, no, I left my wallet in the other pen.

Stefan, you are too much.

Hey, and I want to thank you for letting me use the transformation chamber.

It's my pleasure, my man.

But I got to warn you, though, this will do more than improve your eyesight.

This is a cool chamber.

Hey, chill, baby.

I'm already cool.