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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,840 Bring the world's appliances to your home. 2 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:20,660 Hey, Steve. 3 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,760 My money pie. 4 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,640 Check out the thong on this, babe. 5 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,620 No, I bet they call it a thong because when you pull it off, it goes thong, 6 00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,160 thong, thong, thong, thong, thong. 7 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:44,680 Harold. 8 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,620 What is it, Steven? 9 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:52,100 Well, I need some extra time on my science fair project. Can I stay after 10 00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:54,300 Well, I suppose. 11 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:55,940 Oh, thanks, Peach. 12 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,380 When I publish, you're an acknowledgment. 13 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:05,980 Say, Anna, want to skip lunch and do a little lab work with me? 14 00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:12,860 Apparently not. 15 00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:21,540 How you doing, yuckle? 16 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,840 Oh, what do you want, Thornhill? 17 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,120 Fair warning. 18 00:01:26,490 --> 00:01:29,670 Don't waste your time on a science fair project this year, because I'm going to 19 00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:30,690 win first prize. 20 00:01:31,190 --> 00:01:34,690 Yeah? Well, you better lay out the pickles before bedtime, Thorny, because 21 00:01:34,690 --> 00:01:35,690 you're dreaming. 22 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,290 Don't you ever point a rubber glove at me. 23 00:01:41,690 --> 00:01:43,610 You're around a little tight, Dexter. 24 00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:45,450 Grab a nap. 25 00:01:46,770 --> 00:01:48,690 All right for you, Mr. Brainy Pants. 26 00:01:49,030 --> 00:01:52,110 One of these days you're going to mess up, and I'll be there to rub your face 27 00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:54,390 it. Oh, I'm just shaking in my lab coat. 28 00:01:58,190 --> 00:02:01,130 encapsulated the speed at which a body projected horizontally from the top of a 29 00:02:01,130 --> 00:02:02,970 mountain will leave the earth and begin revolving around it. 30 00:02:04,430 --> 00:02:05,430 Isaac Newton. 31 00:02:05,490 --> 00:02:08,310 Who found in modern chemistry a means of experiments leading to a theory of the 32 00:02:08,310 --> 00:02:09,310 nature of combustion? 33 00:02:13,610 --> 00:02:14,630 Antoine Lavoisier. 34 00:02:15,710 --> 00:02:18,730 Who assigned a motion to the earth after the manner of a wheel being carried on 35 00:02:18,730 --> 00:02:19,730 its own axis? 36 00:03:59,050 --> 00:04:05,090 Love and tradition of the grand design Some people say it's even harder to find 37 00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:12,070 Well, then there must be some magic clue Inside these gentle walls 38 00:04:12,070 --> 00:04:15,050 That's all I see 39 00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:53,650 these shoes are. 40 00:04:55,930 --> 00:04:57,510 Ma, I gotta talk to you about Steve. 41 00:04:58,050 --> 00:04:59,130 Oh, you mean the explosion? 42 00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,510 Well, Steve says he didn't do it, but nobody believes him. 43 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,610 They want to expel him. 44 00:05:05,050 --> 00:05:06,730 Really? For a little explosion? 45 00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:09,970 It wasn't that little. 46 00:05:10,230 --> 00:05:12,210 One of the lab tables hasn't come down yet. 47 00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:16,210 Well, I really feel bad for Steve. 48 00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:17,890 Yeah, me too. 49 00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:22,210 That may be something I could do to help. 50 00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:25,180 What is it? 51 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:28,800 Well, Steve could act for a student trial and I could represent him. Oh, 52 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,719 a great idea. 53 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:30,840 Yeah, I think I'll do it. 54 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,180 But if I win the case, I'll ruin the party. 55 00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:34,379 What party? 56 00:05:34,380 --> 00:05:36,660 The one the kids want to throw the day Steve gets expelled. 57 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:56,980 You sit together. 58 00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,600 Relax. I'll handle it. 59 00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:05,220 Hey, Snuggress, I thought I just saw you outside. 60 00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:07,920 Oh, that must have been somebody else kissing on your girl. 61 00:06:41,450 --> 00:06:42,450 You're saying it wrong. 62 00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:44,530 Enunciate. Bay leaf. 63 00:06:47,130 --> 00:06:48,430 Okay, so you're the bay leaf. 64 00:06:48,790 --> 00:06:49,970 Why are you wearing that outfit? 65 00:06:50,690 --> 00:06:53,470 Because bay leafs are supposed to wear a uniform and I didn't want to look 66 00:06:53,470 --> 00:06:54,470 stupid. 67 00:06:58,310 --> 00:06:59,310 All right. 68 00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:06,450 You've seen him in the halls. Now here he is live in our courtroom playing our 69 00:07:06,450 --> 00:07:07,450 judge. 70 00:08:52,170 --> 00:08:53,170 and family. 71 00:08:56,810 --> 00:08:57,810 Order! 72 00:08:58,490 --> 00:08:59,490 Order! 73 00:09:02,050 --> 00:09:05,210 Another outburst like that and I'll clear the cafeteria. 74 00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:09,870 Miss Monkhouse, you blew up the science lab? 75 00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:11,450 Guilty as charged, sir. 76 00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:25,750 take the fall for you? 77 00:09:25,870 --> 00:09:26,870 But why? 78 00:09:26,890 --> 00:09:29,290 If you get expelled, your life will be ruined. 79 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:30,990 But what about yours? 80 00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:33,910 Without you, I have no life. 81 00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:37,330 I won't let you do this. 82 00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:40,310 I'm innocent, and I must clear my name. 83 00:09:40,950 --> 00:09:42,190 You're so brave. 84 00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:43,450 You're so noble. 85 00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,420 Mr. 86 00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:25,820 Thornhill, call your first witness. 87 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,340 The prosecution calls Mr. 88 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,600 Harold Sweeney. 89 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,880 ready to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, and 90 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:04,980 and health of death do you part. 91 00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:09,520 I'm not getting married. 92 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,860 Well, chin up. You'll find that right girl someday. 93 00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:21,080 Mr. Sweeney, it was your classroom that exploded. 94 00:11:21,540 --> 00:11:24,380 That's true. And the last person you saw in your classroom before it exploded 95 00:11:24,380 --> 00:11:25,880 was... Steve Urkel. 96 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,020 Thank you. 97 00:11:29,780 --> 00:11:30,780 Your witness. 98 00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:40,090 Explosion? No, I didn't. Then you don't really know who caused it, do you? 99 00:11:40,710 --> 00:11:42,690 No, I don't. No further questions. 100 00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,890 I call Officer Carl Winslow. 101 00:11:48,350 --> 00:11:52,790 Officer Winslow, you're Steve Urkel's next -door neighbor? 102 00:11:54,910 --> 00:11:55,910 Yes. 103 00:11:57,510 --> 00:12:01,550 And has Mr. Urkel ever caused any damage to your home or property? 104 00:12:05,710 --> 00:12:06,710 bit but nothing major. 105 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,300 those things, Peter? 106 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,120 Well, I still have my health. 107 00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:49,660 You'll eat me. 108 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:52,860 Officer Winslow. 109 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,160 Yes, honey. 110 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,420 You've described several of Steve's so -called disasters. 111 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,680 Did he ever deny causing any of these mishaps? 112 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,120 Well, no. 113 00:13:05,180 --> 00:13:08,420 So he always accepts responsibility for his mistakes. 114 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,460 Oh, well, it's simple. 115 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:14,880 He didn't do it. 116 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,120 Objection! Calls for conclusion. 117 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,420 And makes me look bad. 118 00:13:23,180 --> 00:13:25,840 Sustained. And it's your suit that makes you look bad. 119 00:13:29,860 --> 00:13:31,320 Thank you, Officer Winslow. 120 00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:32,980 Anytime, sweetheart. 121 00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:36,760 At this time, Your Honor, the prosecution rests. 122 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,220 After a job well done. 123 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:41,880 Is the defense ready to proceed? 124 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,480 We are. 125 00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:46,320 The defense calls Stephen Q. Urkel. 126 00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:55,520 MasterCard presents a new ABC Family original... Mr. 127 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,500 Urkel. Yes, baby cake? 128 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,360 Will you please tell us what you were doing in the lab on the day in question? 129 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,960 I was working on my project for the state... 130 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,560 revolutionary graffiti remover. 131 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,380 I call it Tag Be Gone. 132 00:14:15,180 --> 00:14:19,180 Yes, and are any of the chemicals in your solvent flammable? Oh, yes, yes. 133 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,700 But I'm a scientist, and I treat all my chemicals with R -E -S -P -C -T. 134 00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:27,260 Please tell the court in your own words exactly what happened. 135 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:32,240 Well, I was mixing a batch of salt when our Cracker Jack janitor, Mr. Looney, 136 00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:33,059 entered the room. 137 00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:36,000 Well, we exchanged pleasantries and rented out my... 138 00:14:40,490 --> 00:14:42,410 storage room to get a bigger, better beaker. 139 00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:46,790 And a few moments later, I heard a loud explosion. 140 00:14:52,270 --> 00:14:54,830 Thank you, Mr. Urkel. I don't know, swipe my pen. 141 00:14:58,490 --> 00:15:01,150 Mr. Urkel, the explosion occurred at your lab station. 142 00:15:01,670 --> 00:15:04,410 And cheese was found on the Bunsen burner. 143 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:08,790 Tell the court what your favorite food is. The food you live for. The food that 144 00:15:08,790 --> 00:15:09,790 is often found on your breath. 145 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:26,560 I think I speak for all society when I say, you make me fat. 146 00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:31,060 The defense calls Mr. 147 00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:32,300 Alfred Looney. 148 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,600 Mr. Looney. Uh, that's Looney. 149 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,480 It's French. 150 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,280 I see. 151 00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,180 You are the janitor here at Vanderbilt High? 152 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:47,680 Oui. 153 00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:55,040 charred lunchbox found in the rubble that used to be the science lab. 154 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:56,760 Is it yours? 155 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,440 Yeah. 156 00:16:30,830 --> 00:16:32,130 tell us what really happened that day? 157 00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:38,970 Well, I was emptying trash and Stephen Urkel interrupted me. 158 00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:43,690 He bugged me with a bunch of stupid questions about mops. 159 00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:47,590 Cotton, sponge, who cares? 160 00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:57,790 Finally, he went in the storage room and I decided to heat my sandwich 161 00:16:57,790 --> 00:17:02,720 on his Bunsen burner. Oh. So you blew up the science lab. No, no, no. 162 00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:07,819 Just as my cheese started to melt, my beeper went off. 163 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:09,540 It was an emergency. 164 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,200 Roadkill in the parking lot. 165 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:18,380 So I tossed the sandwich back in my lunchbox and skedaddled. 166 00:17:18,819 --> 00:17:22,319 A couple minutes later, the dad -blamed place exploded. 167 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,820 But I swear the lab was fine when I left. 168 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,340 Sir, why didn't you come forward with this information? 169 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:41,740 I was afraid if I got in trouble, they wouldn't let me be in the school play. 170 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,140 I'm Billy Bigelow in Carousel. 171 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:52,000 My boy Bill will be strong and as tall as a tree. 172 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,200 No questions for the singing janitor. 173 00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:29,360 Get a haircut. 174 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,540 The defense calls its final witness. 175 00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:41,160 Dexter Thornhill. 176 00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:48,110 you've won second place in the annual science fair. 177 00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:50,190 Who took first place? 178 00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:52,170 Yuckel. 179 00:18:53,410 --> 00:19:00,250 Yuckel. You don't like Steve Urkel, do you? No, I don't. In fact, you hate him, 180 00:19:00,290 --> 00:19:01,290 don't you? That's right. 181 00:19:02,210 --> 00:19:05,730 Enough to blow up the science lab yourself and frame him for it? 182 00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:17,760 Here's what really occurred that tragic day. 183 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,320 Steve was in the storage room when Mr. Looney was called away. 184 00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:24,440 That's when you entered the scene. 185 00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:40,520 You added explosive chemicals to 186 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,660 Steve's beaker and turned the Bunsen burner up high. 187 00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:52,870 hightailed it out of the room, and moments later, it exploded. 188 00:19:57,770 --> 00:20:00,130 Nice story, but it's pure fiction. 189 00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:03,710 Oh? Well, what if I told you I could prove it? 190 00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:05,790 How? 191 00:20:07,270 --> 00:20:12,130 Your Honor, this is a black light. 192 00:20:12,570 --> 00:20:14,830 It detects phosphorescent paints or chemicals. 193 00:20:15,150 --> 00:20:16,150 Lights, please. 194 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,040 Laura, what's the relevance here? 195 00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:21,340 Simply this. 196 00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:27,460 The explosive chemicals in Steve's graffiti solvent are phosphorescent. 197 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:31,780 they come in contact with human skin, traces remain detectable for several 198 00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:34,780 Mr. Thornhill, show me your hands. 199 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:39,400 Light, please. 200 00:20:48,650 --> 00:20:50,110 in last year's science fair. Me. 201 00:20:50,690 --> 00:20:53,810 I'm tired of studying until four in the morning while Urkel does glasses at a 202 00:20:53,810 --> 00:20:54,809 page and gets A's. 203 00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:55,810 How does he do it? 204 00:20:56,430 --> 00:20:57,430 Start you, Urkel. 205 00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:58,690 Start you to hack. 206 00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:10,110 Your Honor, in light of this dramatic development, I ask that all charges 207 00:21:10,110 --> 00:21:11,150 against Steve be dropped. 208 00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:13,310 Case dismissed. 209 00:21:28,550 --> 00:21:29,550 It's coming. 210 00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:33,830 Kyle XY returns Monday, June 11th with an all -new season. 211 00:21:34,330 --> 00:21:35,330 And tomorrow. 212 00:21:35,550 --> 00:21:38,990 You can find out if those dreams that you're having are real. An astonishing 213 00:21:38,990 --> 00:21:40,270 clue. It's you. 214 00:21:41,270 --> 00:21:42,270 1985. 215 00:21:42,610 --> 00:21:44,290 Leads to a forbidden place. 216 00:21:44,750 --> 00:21:47,250 In just three weeks, the all -new season. 15425