All language subtitles for Family Matters s05e14 Like a Virgin

Can't buy. For everything else, there's
MasterCard.

Yes!

Yes!

Way to see you, Sal Muchacho, Wendy!

Oh, look! This poor soul is watching
television the old -fashioned way.

Tis a pity he hasn't discovered smell -o
-vision.

Smell -o -vision?

Want to know what it does?

Well, if it makes you disappear, I'll
take ten.

Sorry, but this ingenious device uses
electrodes to convert the visual images

transmitted from your brain into the
appropriate smell.

In other words, what you see is what you
smell.

cram this baby on.

I have ears, you know.

I smell prime rib.

Good news on the newspaper page and love
and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to
find.

Richie, did you forget to do your
homework?

Aunt Harry, I'm seven years old. You
have to remind me every night to do my

homework. Oh, sorry.

Then that means you've done it?

Nope.

But I didn't forget.

Move it.

Carl. Hmm?

We've got a problem with Eddie.

Oh, no. What has Devil Boy done now?

Well, I was checking his clothes for the
dry cleaners, and this love note fell

out of one of his pockets.

Love note? From who?

Letitia. Oh, she's a knockout.

In an immature teenage sort of way.

Carl, read this part right here.

Eddie, we were foolish to wait.

Last night was so special, and now I
want us to share this experience as

as possible?

Carl, do you think this means that Eddie
is sexually active?

Well, when was this written? Right now,
he could be sexually exhausted.

Don't make jokes, Carl. I'm upset about
this.

I know.

It's weird.

You know, we worry about our kids.

Growing up.

And then one day we turn around and
realize they already have.

Carl, I think you need to sit Eddie down
and have a heavy -duty father -son

talk.

I know.

But whenever I talk about sex, it's so
awkward.

I mean, I get embarrassed.

When I get embarrassed, I start to itch.

Honey, just be honest with Eddie and
everything will be fine.

Harriet.

if Eddie and his girlfriend are fooling
around?

Well, we'll just have to be mature about
it and lock him up in his room till

he's 30.

Uh, Edward, you got a minute?

Uh, not really. I gotta go pick up
Letitia.

Oh. Hey, look, Dad.

hands clearing up.

Sit down, son. We need to talk.

Well, what about?

Well, uh... Um... It's about, um... Oh.

About sex.

Yeah.

Dad, you gave me the birds and the bees
rap a long time ago. Right.

But what I want to know now...

is if you become an active bee, and if
so, how much buzzing have you done?

Dad!

Son, we need to talk about this.

Well, why now all of a sudden?

Well, because your mother was checking
clothes for the dry cleaner, and she

found this note from your girlfriend, La
Bamba.

It's Letitia.

Well, read this.

Eddie, we were foolish to wait.

Last night was so special, and now I
want us to share this experience as

as possible.

What?

Letitia's mother has a drinking problem.

She's been going to AA for help. The
last night in this note was the night I

took Letitia to an Allotine meeting.

Oh, that's it?

Yeah.

That's the experience he wants us to
share again.

Well, good for you, son.

Thanks, Dad.

Now,

let's get back to my original question.

Now, I know that this is embarrassing,
but I really would appreciate an honest

answer. Okay?

Okay.

Are you still a virgin?

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

Fine, sir. Good, sir.

Well, I'm glad one of us is happy about
it.

What, you're not?

How can I be? I'm probably one of the
only guys I know who hasn't scored.

Well, what's wrong with sitting on the
bench?

Plenty. It means I'm not even in the
game.

But, son, that's just it.

Sex isn't a game.

It's an important step, a milestone in
everyone's life.

And considering AIDS and unwanted
pregnancies, it can be a downright

step. Dad, I'm not stupid.

I always protect myself.

Well, I'm very glad to hear that, son.

But you know, there really is only one
foolproof way to eliminate all the

And that's abstinence.

Yeah, I know.

It's a lot tougher to be a kid these
days.

But, son, the hope I have for you is the
hope that my father had for me.

What was that?

Well, I hope that one day you'll meet
that special lady.

A lady as wonderful as your mother.

And I hope you fall in love and work
very hard to build a loving

And then, son, if you decide to express
that love physically, well, then it'll

mean something.

Okay?

Yes, sir.

Hey, guys, did you see what Angela
Baskin was wearing today?

Yeah,

baby got back.

Let's hear it for tight sweaters and
short skirts, baby.

Hey, Urkel, what's with the paper shoes?

It's a low -cost way to prevent Tanea
Pettis.

Tanea what?

Tanea Pettis.

Adelaide's foot. Good Lord, read a book.

Yeah, well, read this.

Knock it off, or I shall be forced to
respond in kind.

Hey, Quentin for brains, make sure I
move.

Hey, I got better things to do, all
right?

Yeah, I'm going to hit on Angela at
lunch and set me up a hot date.

You got a problem, Bob.

Weatherman says it's going to snow.

Mr. Cloud was wearing earmuffs.

Don't worry, Waldo, it'll be plenty warm
in my van.

Hey, Jerry, I didn't know you liked
Angela.

She's okay. The point is she's the only
girl in the glee club that I haven't

bagged yet.

You're pathetic.

I'm pathetic.

That's right.

You're pathetic.

Women are rare and precious creatures.
They should be placed on pedestals, not

bagged.

Where's my spray starch?

Hey, Urkel, you wouldn't know what to do
with the girl if one fell in your

pants.

Frank, if you're insinuating in your own
Cro -Magnon way that I'm unsettled,

pure, pristine, well, you're quite
correct.

Stephen Q. Urkel is right off the
showroom floor.

Why, a real man doesn't need to have sex
to prove he's a man.

Well, your opinion doesn't count since
technically you're not a man.

is a real man, right?

Well, it just so happens that he's a
virgin, too.

Come on now,

guys. You don't believe him, do you? So,
Urkel's lying. You're not a virgin,

right?

Please, this is me, baby.

Eddie the E -Man Winslow.

Come on, now.

Yeah, Eddie's a make -out artist.

He's a lady killer.

He's a poodle faking skirt chasing love,
daddy.

Just chill out, Steve, okay?

But why? Just yesterday you were talking
to your dad and I distinctly overheard

you say that you were a virgin.

Who are you saving yourself for? Miss
Wright?

Miss Wright.

Miss Wright is our math teacher.

Great Caesar's ghost, Eddie. She's 67
years old.

Yo, man, I'm out of here.

Man, I blew it.

What are you talking about?

I revealed his girlfriend's age.

It's all in the business.

Everybody.

Eddie. What?

Why don't you pick on a sandwich your
own size?

Don't mess with me, Laura.

Oh, come on. Lighten up. It's not that
big a deal.

Yes, it is.

Jerry and the guys are clowning me big
time.

Eddie, let me ask you something.

you're a virgin laura guys are expected
to fool around oh okay so

you're saying that guys are supposed to
have sex and girls aren't well because

that will be the end of mankind eddie
why is it

okay for me to be a virgin but it's not
okay for you well because you're my

sister

sister, too.

Look, Laura, the bottom line is, I
haven't been with a girl yet, and now

laughingstock of the boys' locker room.

Well, Eddie, your friend Jerry's a
hound, and he's the laughingstock of the

girls' locker room.

for Myra. The lusty lass has got the
mega -hots for me.

Excuse

me, ma

'am. Have you seen Steve Urkel?

No, I'm playing class.

that pretty girl is Myra. Yep.

Laura told me about her.

She's the girl with a sick puppy.

Now, Laura thinks Myra is a sick puppy.

But that's just jealousy talking.

You see, the thing is, Myra is very
voluptuous.

And she uses her voluptuosity.

Iris made it quite clear that, well,
she'd like to do the wiggle -wiggle

-bing.

You do know what I'm referring to, don't
you? At my age, you hope for a wiggle,

but you settle for a ding.

as the next guy.

But I want to wait.

I want my wedding night to be special.

Why? My advice to you is be true to
yourself.

Go with what you believe in.

Now, if Mara can't support that, she is
just not the right girl for you.

Thank this, Dale. You're so well. Oh,
bless you.

Tonight on Reynolds 2 from $13 .95 a
day.

Yo, FD.

Nobody knows.

We thought you two might have gone on
vacation together.

Vacation? What are you talking about?

I'm talking about your favorite spot.

The Virgin Islands.

The Virgin Islands.

That was really stupid, man.

You know, Winslow, I'm disappointed in
you.

We all thought that you were a real
ladies' man.

Now the whole school knows that the dude
is just a dud.

Yeah. Well, you disappoint me too,
Jerry. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Man, you're a user.

Girls aren't people to you.

They're points on a scorecard.

Sounds like sour grapes to me.

Nope. You see, I used to think just like
you.

Until I realized that making sweet love
with a fine lady...

It's all about feelings.

And those feelings should be shared.

So if quantity is your thing, knock
yourself out, buddy.

But me, I'm going for quality.

I heard what you said to Jerry.

And for what it's worth, I'm real proud
of you.

Oh, thanks.

I know how hard it is to stand up to
peer pressure. For instance, you may

as I take some ribbing for the way I
walk, talk, eat, dress, think, act, and

like.

MasterCard presents a new ABC Family
original movie. Will you marry me?

love life... No!

...needed help, so he made a list to
find the perfect woman.

She is everything on that list. But
love... There is so much that you don't

about me. ...isn't always perfect.

Whose Line's Wayne Brady?

The List premieres Sunday at 8 p .m.