Original subtitles

Heather? Yes?

Baby, I'm sure glad dinner's over.

How come?

Because now it's time for dessert.

All right.

Hidey -ho, little!

Oops. Apparently I caught you with your hands full.

Steve, I hate to be rude, but get out.

Well, wait a minute. You haven't introduced me to your pretty pucker

Steve Urkel. Don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me.

You've talked about her ad nauseum.

You must be the lovely Sherry.

It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams.

The turkey inside it did.

Why isn't Aunt Harriet cooking?

Well, she's got a part -time job at Captain Kidd's restaurant.

Isn't that the place where everyone dresses like a pirate?

Yep. I'm one of you, Carl. No pirate jokes.

or you won't get your authentic Captain Kidd eye patch.

Oh, thanks.

So, sweetheart, tell us about the new job.

Well, I'm only working security.

My biggest challenge is making sure the landlubbers only go to the salad by

once.

looking like that.

Careful, Laura. I'm tired, and I have a sword.

So, Laura, what's your good news?

My bank account runneth over. I finally saved enough money to buy myself a car.

Congratulations,

honey. So what kind of car did you pick out?

Well, I was down at Honest Bob's Used But Not Abused Cars.

Uh -oh.

Sweetheart, you have to be extra careful.

of a place that has the word honest in its name.

Oh, I know. Well, anyway, I was walking around the lot, and bam, I saw a beauty.

An amazing piece of work.

And then he stepped aside and I saw the car I liked.

You see the rose, right?

Not quite.

It's an 81 Fiat Spider.

Oh, honey, that's an old car.

Oh, I know, but she's absolutely gorgeous when she's all tanked up and

is down.

So is your mother.

when you go down to buy the car? You know, these salesmen can be pretty

No, no, no, I can handle it.

I've done my homework on this car. I know exactly what it's worth.

Okay, but I'm here if you change your mind.

I appreciate that, Dad, but I'm an adult now.

I earned the money myself, I did the research myself, and now I want to buy

myself. Are you going to pay for the insurance yourself?

Hey, I can't do everything myself.

Watch me drive off to my brand new used car. You got it.

Come on, Ralph.

The price isn't written in stone. It's written in shoe polish.

Come on.

Make me an offer.

I'll give you $2 ,400.

Cash. Ralph.

Ralphie. That's a $3 ,000 car.

$2 ,900.

Come on, Bob.

What do you want it to do, sit here and collect more dust?

I'll give you $2 ,600, but that's the best I can do.

Well, I like your shirt.

A dog's name, Ralph.

Oh, what the heck? You got yourself a car.

You go wake up Norm in the office, he'll write you up.

Office?

You mean this trailer?

Hey. For your information, that's our service department, customer lounge, and

employee daycare center.

Daddy! Shut up! I'm busy!

Hello,

little lady. I'm Bob Futterman, but most folks call me Honest Bob.

I'm Laura Winslow.

I'm interested in a car. Would you like me to show you around? Or is something

already tickled your fancy?

Well, uh, what's the story on this 81 Fiat?

The story is, it's a great car that costs $2 ,000.

Buy it. I'll live happily ever after.

I'll give you $1 ,600.

Okay. And then you'll come back tomorrow with the other $400?

Uh, no, I don't think so.

Why don't we take a look, see if this is you go over here. Come on. Come on.

Ooh.

It's a pretty color.

Bumper optional.

Oh, look, look, look.

It's $1 ,500. Well, that's right up your wallet.

I don't want this car.

Are you sure? It has an automatic. The Fiat is a stick.

That's very, very difficult.

I can drive a stick.

I'll give you $1 ,750.

Oh, sorry, sweetheart.

Lowest I'll go is $1 ,900.

Take it or leave it.

I'll leave it. Oh, phooey. But I'll bet you'll be back, little lady. Only hope

the car will still be here.

Don't be a stranger.

There's something always good under the hood.

Bye -bye.

Don't be a stranger.

Why? I called Helen and profusely apologized for my social gap.

I explained that all those other women I mentioned are persona non grata in the

Eddie Winslow big book of love.

Well, let me tell you, Helen was speechless.

I'll bet.

Because the girl that was here before was...

Buzz your dick.

Uh -uh. Tell us.

Come back here, Steve.

Laura, what's going on down here?

Eddie's trying to kill Steve.

Then why do you look so sad?

I didn't get my car.

Really? Why not? The dealer wanted too much money.

Wouldn't bargain, huh?

And I got the feeling he would have if I had been a guy.

Ah, a male showing his pig, huh?

Maybe.

He thought I'd like a certain car because it was a pretty color. And he

I couldn't drive a stick.

Oh, honey, don't worry. You'll find another car.

I don't want another car. I want that car.

And I want it at a fair price.

So what are you going to do?

I don't know.

But I'm not going to give up until I come up with something.

That's Larry, bro.

Well, I... You look so... Well, I mean you...

What happened to your bazooms?

My what?

Snookums. If you're having some sort of identity crisis, well, let's talk about

it. You know, there are clinics for this, although the operation is very

painful.

Just ask my Uncle Beverly.

Steve, I'm dressed like this so I could buy a car.

Why don't you just write a check?

Because the check would be too big.

See, the car dealer is sexist, and I figure Larry Winslow can get a better

than Laura Winslow. Now, come on, let's go.

And I breathe.

Do it to make sure the airline hasn't lost the luggage.

Ah, what else do I need to know?

Well, let's see.

When dinner together and a pretty girl walks by, they greet her with words

wind up the rubber band on that thing and hit the road.

Most folks call me Honest Bob.

I'm Larry Wins... the clinker.

Larry, what can I do for you?

I got my eye on this baby.

Well, you got your eye on quality.

Chicks always go for a guy in a convertible, right?

Wins... the clinker?

Tell me something I don't know.

Easy. Easy there, pal.

I just had liposuction.

What's under the hood?

Engine.

Well, this is an 81, so it ought to be a four -cylinder, 2 ,000cc twin cam with

aluminum head and Bosch fuel injection.

Oh, that could be.

Oh, hello. Hello, baby cakes.

Yeah,

I think I'm special to her.

Hey, Bob, back to the car.

Huh? Oh.

Let's talk price.

Why talk?

Well, you're gonna look right at it.

See ya.

Whoa, hey, hey, whoa, wait. Wait a minute.

Price isn't written in stone. It's written in shoe polish. Come on.

Make me an offer.

$1 ,600.

How much?

$1 ,600.

Have you, uh, have you been here before?

Uh, not really. Why?

You look familiar.

Uh, no, I don't. Yes, you do.

You have a sister?

Uh, no, I'm an only child. The last of the Winsor Goobers.

Uh -huh. I thought you said that your name was Winsor Crinker.

Hi!

All right.

What's going on? What is the meaning of this clever charade?

I thought I could get a better deal from you if I was a guy.

What made you think that?

Because I thought you'd give a better deal to a guy.

Well, so what are you saying?

That I'm sexist to babes?

No way, little lady. I'm a businessman.

I don't care if your wallet comes out of a pair of pants or a purse as long as

there's money in it.

But yesterday you lowered your price for that guy, but when you got to me,

you...

You're trying to sell me a yuko.

Come on.

Stop it.

I can't help it. It's just that I think it's wrong for you to take advantage of

me just because I'm a girl.

All right, all right, all right.

How much did I say yesterday?

but that's it!

Deal.

Is everything

okay? Oh, fine. You go ahead. I'm gonna drive this baby home.

off and found out i was a girl i was sure i'd be walking home and then you

started crying and he actually knocked off 300 off the car yeah i used his own

sexist attitudes against him beat him at his own game yes

harriet i'm home wow watch this

harriet there's nothing on the stove what oh

company yeah yeah

He's got a date with Laura.

Oh, really?

Yeah, that's right.

Your daughter is so fly.

So just what are your plans tonight?

Well, I thought we'd party hardy, toss back a few brewskis. Then since my

parents are out of town, we go back to my place.

I have her back by cock -a -doodle -doo time.

Well, you're gonna need a little extra money.

And, uh, keep Laura till Monday. She eats like a horse.

Oh, and you're gonna need my car.

It has a fold -down back seat.

Daddy.

Gotcha.

and is distributed by Warner Brothers Domestic Television Distribution.