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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:05,919 Hey, Harry. 2 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:07,440 Put down those coupons. 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,960 Eddie and Laura finally gave me that language tape they've been promising us. 4 00:00:11,180 --> 00:00:13,120 Great. We're going to be a bilingual family. 5 00:00:17,380 --> 00:00:20,280 Daddy Mac, a good -looking guy. 6 00:00:22,740 --> 00:00:25,100 Daddy Mac, a good -looking guy. 7 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,120 Fly, honey, a good -looking girl. 8 00:00:31,820 --> 00:00:34,730 Fly. Honey, a good -looking girl. 9 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:40,190 Yo, let's kick it with the homies. 10 00:00:40,710 --> 00:00:44,250 Hey, let's relax with our friends. 11 00:00:48,310 --> 00:00:49,570 You know, this is amazing. 12 00:00:49,870 --> 00:00:51,950 This is a whole different language. 13 00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:56,350 Yep, and when we learn it, we'll be able to talk with our kids. 14 00:00:57,930 --> 00:00:59,730 Ready for more? Fly, honey. 15 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,300 Let's kick it, Daddy Mac. 16 00:01:35,740 --> 00:01:37,220 It's all I see. 17 00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:39,080 The tower of dreams. 18 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:41,300 Real love bursting out. 19 00:02:11,989 --> 00:02:12,989 Uncle Carl? 20 00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:16,210 Uncle Carl! 21 00:02:16,730 --> 00:02:17,730 Oh, 22 00:02:25,610 --> 00:02:32,390 Richie! Morning, Uncle Carl. 23 00:02:32,670 --> 00:02:34,230 You knocked the wind out of me. 24 00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:37,010 Sorry. I had to wake you up. 25 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:38,980 I made you breakfast in bed. 26 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,360 Oh. Well, that's very thoughtful. 27 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:48,080 Hey, it's the least I can do for the best alcohol in the entire whole 28 00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:50,960 Wow. Here, fresh orange juice. 29 00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:19,560 something, young man, aren't you? 30 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:29,440 See, there's this hot new video game called Super Space Donkeys. I need that 31 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:30,520 game, Uncle Carl. 32 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,220 Well, have you asked your mother for it? 33 00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:37,680 Nah, she's hip to the old breakfast in bed trick. 34 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:40,220 Well, okay. 35 00:03:40,260 --> 00:03:43,840 I'll have a talk with her and see how she feels about that particular video 36 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:44,840 game, okay? 37 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:46,200 Thanks, Uncle Carl. 38 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:50,960 What's the matter? 39 00:03:51,260 --> 00:03:55,420 I got a loose tooth. It hurts when I chew anything harder than pudding. 40 00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:58,300 Open up. Let's take a look. 41 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:00,780 Oh, yeah. 42 00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:02,800 That baby's almost ready to come out. 43 00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:05,640 Mom says all my teeth are going to fall out. 44 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:07,040 Well, she's right. 45 00:04:07,340 --> 00:04:09,860 Sometimes some things have to fall out to make room for new ones. 46 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,860 You must be getting a lot of new hair because there's plenty of... 47 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,940 Once we pull that tooth, we'll put it under your pillow, and the tooth fairy 48 00:04:30,940 --> 00:04:31,940 will bring you money. 49 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,900 If you lose enough teeth, you'll be able to buy your video game. 50 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,840 What do you mean, pull my tooth? 51 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,660 Well, Rich, that permanent tooth is all ready to come in. 52 00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,320 It'll grow in crooked if we don't get rid of that baby tooth. 53 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,000 Let's wait and see if it falls out by itself, okay? 54 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:50,560 Well, okay. 55 00:04:50,580 --> 00:04:53,320 We can wait for a while, but not too long. 56 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:54,880 Deal? 57 00:05:10,670 --> 00:05:11,589 What's the matter? 58 00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:15,710 Laura, the most humiliating thing happened to me today. 59 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:19,610 Let me guess. You only had enough lipstick to do one lip. 60 00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,670 This is serious, Laura. 61 00:05:24,210 --> 00:05:25,210 Oh, sorry. 62 00:05:26,130 --> 00:05:27,970 Does this have anything to do with Roger? 63 00:05:28,310 --> 00:05:32,410 You mean that stuck -up, conniving, jerry -curled, plastic -cap -wearing 64 00:05:34,690 --> 00:05:35,690 Yeah, him. 65 00:05:56,830 --> 00:05:58,270 What do you want, Steve? 66 00:05:58,610 --> 00:06:02,190 I just got back from yodeling class, and I couldn't wait to come home and hop on 67 00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:04,130 the phone and share my latest yodel. Steve. 68 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,440 basket case. Roger just dumped her. 69 00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:15,900 Oh, no. 70 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,460 Why, he must have finished fixing up his car. 71 00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:24,380 You got it. Well, you go soothe your A -ring friend, my bodacious brat, first. 72 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:36,940 Speak to me. 73 00:07:47,370 --> 00:07:48,370 back next week. 74 00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:51,190 Never mind. I'll just come over and talk to you in person. 75 00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:55,030 Oh, good news. You're coming in loud and clear now. What's up? 76 00:07:57,330 --> 00:08:01,690 Listen, I've got some juicy gossip that you didn't hear from me. 77 00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:06,110 Comprende, compadre? Out with it, Steve. I got calories to burn before I sleep. 78 00:08:06,510 --> 00:08:07,630 Why'd you dump Max? 79 00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:09,110 No. Yep. 80 00:08:09,870 --> 00:08:11,890 Oh, he must have finished fixing up his car. 81 00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:16,630 Yep. Poor Maxine. She always picks the losers. 82 00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:18,210 Listen, I got... 83 00:09:09,710 --> 00:09:10,930 Is it upside down? 84 00:09:17,910 --> 00:09:18,910 What's up? 85 00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:20,190 Big news, buddy. 86 00:09:20,650 --> 00:09:22,870 Roger and Maxine are incommunicado. 87 00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:25,110 Wow. Is that in Mexico? 88 00:09:29,010 --> 00:09:31,910 No, they're not speaking to each other. Roger dumped her. 89 00:09:32,190 --> 00:09:33,510 He left her in Mexico? 90 00:09:36,790 --> 00:09:39,490 They're not in Mexico. They broke up. 91 00:09:40,110 --> 00:09:41,110 chance, man. 92 00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,470 I don't want to go to Mexico. 93 00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:48,170 Waldo, didn't you tell me you had a big crush on Maxine? 94 00:09:48,530 --> 00:09:52,450 Hey, that's a secret. That's just between you, me, and the West Sea man I 95 00:09:52,450 --> 00:09:53,450 it in. 96 00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:59,150 I know that. Look, all I'm saying is you like Maxine and now she's available. 97 00:09:59,510 --> 00:10:00,750 So make your move, man. 98 00:10:01,770 --> 00:10:02,770 Get real. 99 00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:04,310 Maxine is drop -dead gorgeous. 100 00:10:04,610 --> 00:10:06,390 She never go out with a chucklehead like me. 101 00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:08,830 Well, you never know unless you try. 102 00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:10,340 Then I'll never know. 103 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,500 I really like her a lot, and it would hurt me bad if she shot me down. 104 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:15,760 Hold on, Waldo. 105 00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:16,940 Incoming call. 106 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:18,960 Speak to me. 107 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,160 Hey, I know. 108 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,620 Earthman again. 109 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:26,040 Listen, I've got Laura on the other line, and she wants me to warn you not 110 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,600 blabbering about what happened between Roger and Maxine. 111 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,020 Oh, don't worry, I won't. 112 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:32,760 Anymore. What? 113 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,480 Well, you see, I told Waldo because he's got a thing for Maxine. I'm trying to 114 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,600 convince him to ask her out, but he's afraid she'll say no. 115 00:10:39,790 --> 00:10:40,810 do Lieber. Hang on. 116 00:10:42,270 --> 00:10:43,550 Swims, guess what? 117 00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:45,510 What? 118 00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:49,310 Waldo likes Maxine. He wants to date her, but he's too chicken to ask. 119 00:10:49,670 --> 00:10:50,670 You're kidding. 120 00:10:50,690 --> 00:10:53,350 Hey, I ain't never a kid when it comes to a lot more. 121 00:11:12,170 --> 00:11:13,170 Waldo? Yeah. 122 00:11:13,970 --> 00:11:14,970 Waldo Faldo? 123 00:11:15,710 --> 00:11:16,710 Yeah. 124 00:11:19,130 --> 00:11:20,730 Waldo Geraldo Faldo? 125 00:11:23,230 --> 00:11:24,370 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 126 00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:26,970 Listen, would you ever consider going out with him? 127 00:11:27,210 --> 00:11:28,210 I don't know. 128 00:11:29,390 --> 00:11:30,390 Maybe. 129 00:11:30,830 --> 00:11:32,670 If he asked... Hold on. 130 00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:34,230 See? 131 00:11:34,550 --> 00:11:35,790 Maxine said she might go out... 132 00:11:42,670 --> 00:11:44,190 She can't wait to go out with you. 133 00:12:43,089 --> 00:12:44,390 Hmm? What are you doing? 134 00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:47,110 I'm tying a string around this doorknob. 135 00:12:47,470 --> 00:12:48,930 It's time to pull Richie's tooth. 136 00:12:49,790 --> 00:12:51,910 Oh, Carl, don't do this. 137 00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:53,450 Well, why not? 138 00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:55,090 I pulled Eddie's teeth this way. 139 00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:59,670 Right. And until he was 12 years old, he screamed every time he heard a door 140 00:12:59,670 --> 00:13:00,670 slam. 141 00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:04,750 Richie's tooth needs to come out. 142 00:13:05,090 --> 00:13:08,890 I know, Carl, but he's scared. Can't we find a less traumatic way to do this? 143 00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:13,940 What? 144 00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:16,160 You are doing it again, Harriet. 145 00:13:16,740 --> 00:13:18,720 You are doing it again. 146 00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:20,580 Doing what, Carl? 147 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,900 You're behaving like a mother. 148 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,700 And what's that supposed to mean? You're being overprotective. 149 00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:31,900 Harriet, have you learned nothing from the tragedy of the sea lion? 150 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,120 Don't start with me, Carl. 151 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:41,540 The massive female sea lion lies on a remote beach. 152 00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:44,540 contentedly nursing her pups. 153 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,560 Without warning, a seagull makes a darting dive. 154 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:53,280 The mama sea lion rolls her blubbery tonnage over onto her pups. 155 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,660 Disappointed, the gull wings away. 156 00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:01,640 But the mama sea lion heaves her humongous belly off of her young. 157 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:09,040 But alas, it is too late. 158 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:11,500 The pups 159 00:14:12,270 --> 00:14:14,070 Have been mother smothered. 160 00:14:18,670 --> 00:14:19,670 Harold. Yes? 161 00:14:20,510 --> 00:14:22,130 Take a long look at me. 162 00:14:23,110 --> 00:14:24,890 And then a long look at you. 163 00:14:25,930 --> 00:14:28,170 Who's more likely to smother something? 164 00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:38,470 You better get back out here when I think of a snappy comeback. 165 00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:50,860 easy. 166 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:54,820 I'm going to use a very simple method that my father used on me. 167 00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:56,140 What method? 168 00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:58,540 Well, take a seat right here on this piano bench. 169 00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:00,020 Uh -uh. 170 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,080 Okay. 171 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:03,560 I'll tell you what. 172 00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:05,840 I'll demonstrate the whole thing for you, okay? 173 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:10,800 Now, first I want you to notice that the front door is open. 174 00:15:11,180 --> 00:15:15,420 See? And around the doorknob is a little piece of string attached to it. See? 175 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,780 right there on the piano bench, like this. 176 00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:22,060 See? 177 00:15:22,820 --> 00:15:26,500 Now, on the other end of the string is a little slipknot. See? 178 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:31,360 Now, we'll just slide the slipknot over your tooth just like this. 179 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:33,560 See? 180 00:16:04,970 --> 00:16:06,490 It was a date I'll never forget. 181 00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:09,070 Ooh, girl, tell me everything. 182 00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:10,410 Every single detail. 183 00:16:10,710 --> 00:16:11,710 Okay. 184 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,150 What's up? 185 00:16:24,510 --> 00:16:25,870 Waldo? Yeah, what's up? 186 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,870 I mean, you said you were gonna call me as soon as you got home from your date 187 00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:29,870 with Maxine. 188 00:16:29,910 --> 00:16:31,110 Yeah, but I went to shave first. 189 00:16:33,930 --> 00:16:37,210 Waldo. You're supposed to shave before you go on a date. 190 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,450 Well, thanks a lot, Mr. Too Late Now. 191 00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:42,730 Just tell me about your date. 192 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:47,950 Okay. I didn't want to be late, so when I rang the doorbell, it was exactly 7 o 193 00:16:47,950 --> 00:16:49,570 'clock. Good for you. 194 00:16:49,990 --> 00:16:51,450 Unfortunately, it wasn't Maxine's house. 195 00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:57,270 It belonged to some cranky old man who didn't like being interrupted. 196 00:16:57,810 --> 00:17:00,330 It took me five minutes to pry his pit bull off my butt. 197 00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:06,319 Oh, man. 198 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,400 Hey, but I didn't lose my cool. 199 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,339 I just used the old noggin. Oh, what'd you do? 200 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:14,079 I drove around the block honking my horn and screaming her name. 201 00:17:15,579 --> 00:17:16,579 Good thinking. 202 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:18,560 Hang on, Waldo. 203 00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:19,839 Incoming call. 204 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,400 Speak to me. 205 00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:24,560 Hello? Earthman. 206 00:17:25,579 --> 00:17:26,579 Steve, I'm busy. 207 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,360 Me, too. But counting rack chromosomes is tedious work, and I needed a break. 208 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,800 Goodbye, Steve. 209 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,300 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Have you heard from Waldo yet? 210 00:17:35,110 --> 00:17:37,090 collection isn't the only thing on pins and needles. 211 00:17:37,630 --> 00:17:41,710 He's on the other line now. He was telling me about his date with Maxine 212 00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:43,050 was rudely interrupted. 213 00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:47,570 Oh, you'll call me and tell me what happened, right? 214 00:17:47,850 --> 00:17:49,230 Uh, yeah, absolutely. 215 00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:50,650 Uh, bye. 216 00:17:59,590 --> 00:18:00,590 Hello? 217 00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:02,570 Hey, baby cakes. 218 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:11,920 date with Waldo. 219 00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:13,700 I'm on the other line with her right now. 220 00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,960 Oh, you'll call me and tell me what happened, right? 221 00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:18,640 Oh, uh -huh, sure. 222 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,080 Absolutely. Bye. 223 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,400 Maxine, I'm back. 224 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:23,500 Where was I? 225 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,960 Waldo was driving down your street, honking his horn and screaming your 226 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:31,080 So all of a sudden, Maxine runs out of her house. She jumps into my truck and 227 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,260 says, shut up and floor before the neighbors kill us. 228 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:37,160 Great. So what movie did y 'all see? 229 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,940 Waldo said he was dying. to see Malcolm X. 230 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,220 Malcolm X. 231 00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:51,600 Yeah, don't you know your Roman numerals? 232 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,400 Malcolm X is Malcolm X. 233 00:18:54,380 --> 00:18:56,240 So what happened after the movie? 234 00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,500 It must have rained because when we left the theater, we had to cross a big mud 235 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:05,080 puddle. Oh, Lord, don't tell me he fell in. So I took off my jacket and put it 236 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,260 over the puddle so Maxine's feet wouldn't get all muddy. 237 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,360 Nice move. Very gallant. 238 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,960 And then he picked up the jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. 239 00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:20,060 Mud all over your dress. 240 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,220 Mud all over her dress. 241 00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,580 Man, disaster big time. 242 00:19:27,060 --> 00:19:30,660 I started to get mad, but then Walter did the strangest thing. 243 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,380 What did he do? 244 00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:34,240 I sat in a puddle so we could match. 245 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:43,640 That made her feel a lot better. 246 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:48,160 It's weird, but somehow it actually made me feel better. 247 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,560 And that's when he kissed me. 248 00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:52,660 Get out! 249 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:57,420 Yep. I just took general aim at her face, closed my eyes, and fired with 250 00:19:57,420 --> 00:19:59,280 lips. Got her smack dab on the cheek. 251 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,240 Laura, 252 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:06,860 every guy I've ever gone out with has tried to take advantage of me, but not 253 00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:07,860 Waldo. 254 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,780 I always thought he was so dense. 255 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,800 But there's a lot more to him than I thought. 256 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,520 He's really sweet, and I like him a lot. 257 00:20:17,980 --> 00:20:19,160 Do you think that's crazy? 258 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,740 No, that's not crazy. That's terrific. 259 00:20:22,580 --> 00:20:26,760 Eddie, Maxine is the first girl I've ever dated who doesn't make fun of me 260 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:27,760 I mess up. 261 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,600 I kind of think she likes me, and I'm crazy about her. 262 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,380 I just think I was almost too chicken to even ask her out. 263 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,700 Now, you see, sometimes you just got to go for it. 264 00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:40,200 Laura, thanks for listening to my troubles. 265 00:20:40,950 --> 00:20:41,950 You're a good friend. 266 00:20:43,130 --> 00:20:45,190 Don't mention it. Hey, y 'all, what's up with me? 267 00:20:46,150 --> 00:20:48,890 Eddie, I appreciate your help and advice, and I'm lucky to have a buddy 268 00:20:48,890 --> 00:20:51,830 you. Ah, forget it. Takes one to know one. 269 00:20:53,050 --> 00:20:54,570 Well, good night. 270 00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:25,340 Stephen? It is 3 .27 a .m. Why is family watching in bed? 271 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,320 Annie and Laura promised to call me back. 272 00:21:28,540 --> 00:21:30,560 It would be rude of me to miss their call, Mom. 273 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:35,280 Family Matters is a Miller -Foyer production in association with Laura 274 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,280 Television and is distributed by Warner Brothers Domestic Television 275 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:39,280 Distribution. 19523