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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:12,510 You're waiting. 2 00:00:12,650 --> 00:00:13,650 Now do it. 3 00:00:28,910 --> 00:00:31,050 Now stand back, everybody. I'm going first. 4 00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:35,170 Hold your breath, Steve. You're going down. 5 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,320 Scream on, Edo. You couldn't hit Wisconsin. 6 00:00:43,780 --> 00:00:44,780 Oh, please. 7 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,520 Why, I've seen better arms on a chair. 8 00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:51,220 Yo, everybody, how about a little help? 9 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:52,640 Hey, 10 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,320 hey, no fair. 11 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:55,800 All right, do something. 12 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,200 Okay, Steve. 13 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,000 On three, everybody. 14 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:11,000 It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper 15 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:17,220 page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even 16 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,480 harder to find. 17 00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:25,440 Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these jizzle walls. 18 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,340 Because all I see is a tower of dreams. 19 00:03:02,730 --> 00:03:03,730 Laura. Hello. 20 00:03:06,110 --> 00:03:07,110 Can I read your poem? 21 00:03:07,630 --> 00:03:09,930 No, but you can read my lips. Get lost. 22 00:03:14,190 --> 00:03:17,390 Laura, don't you think you were a little rough on Ted? 23 00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:20,570 Maxine. He let his friends think we slept together. 24 00:03:20,830 --> 00:03:21,829 He's a liar. 25 00:03:21,830 --> 00:03:25,750 That was two months ago. He apologized in front of the whole school. 26 00:03:26,210 --> 00:03:29,570 I think he's a nice guy who made a mistake and is truly sorry. 27 00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:32,800 Well, maybe, but I'm not ready to forgive him. 28 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,620 Well, what if another girl would ask him to the Sadie Hopkins dance? 29 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:38,240 Wouldn't you be upset? 30 00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:40,460 No way. It wouldn't bother me at all. 31 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,360 I'd help the girl pick out her shoes. 32 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:46,800 Wow. 33 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,100 What a great turnout. 34 00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,660 I bet the school pulls in a nice chunk of change. 35 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,780 Tara, do you like this dress? 36 00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:57,140 I love that dress. 37 00:03:57,420 --> 00:03:58,660 Yellow was a great color for you. 38 00:03:58,860 --> 00:03:59,860 No way, Anthony. 39 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,300 I look like a school bus. 40 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:08,760 No, you don't. Yes, I do. All I need is a sign on my back. Stop when lights 41 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:09,760 flash. 42 00:04:10,420 --> 00:04:12,140 Harriet, please. You look wonderful. 43 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,420 Thank you, but I don't feel wonderful. 44 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:15,680 I feel fat. 45 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,600 Listen, let's just change the subject, okay? 46 00:04:19,019 --> 00:04:20,019 Good idea. 47 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:23,140 Tomorrow for my birthday, no cake or ice cream. 48 00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:24,600 Harriet, you're not fat. 49 00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:27,360 So stop dwelling on the subject. Let's just forget about it. 50 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,480 Hello, ma 'am. 51 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,020 Would you like me to guess your weight? 52 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:33,720 Why? Do I look fat? 53 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,140 Is that what you're saying? 54 00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:40,600 I'm sorry. Her mother was mugged by a guess -your -weight guy. 55 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:49,499 Let's see. 56 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,520 I see a recent challenge. 57 00:04:52,140 --> 00:04:54,060 A math test, huh? 58 00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:57,180 Yeah. I had a math test yesterday. How'd you know that? 59 00:04:57,580 --> 00:04:59,620 You still have the trade formulas written on your hand. 60 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:01,800 I do not. 61 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,420 I know, I was just kidding. 62 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,040 I'm in your class. 63 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,400 Oh, that's right. You're Jane Bowman. 64 00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:09,480 Close, close. I'm Melissa Robbins. 65 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,599 I'm sorry. 66 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,800 That's okay. Jane and I are a lot alike. We both have hair. 67 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,000 Well, it's nice to meet you, Melissa. I'm... Eddie Winslow. 68 00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:24,920 I know your sister, Laura. She told me all about you. 69 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:26,480 Uh -oh. 70 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,900 Yeah, what'd she say? Good things, good things. 71 00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:30,740 You're a terrific big brother. 72 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,360 You're an all -city basketball player. 73 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:34,700 True, true. 74 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,740 And you won't go to sleep without your Scooby -Doo nightlight. 75 00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:43,180 Hey, keep it moving, Mr. Leg Pants. 76 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,640 Don't tuck her your pucker, Karen. It's me she wants. 77 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,120 Hi, Laura. 78 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,160 You're lucky this is for charity, Tiff. 79 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,960 Look, Laura, I know you're still mad at me, and I don't blame you. 80 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,240 But, girl, I'm miserable without you. 81 00:06:01,540 --> 00:06:02,540 Look at this. 82 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:06,780 Better than my favorite soap opera, The Young and the Useless. 83 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,840 You're really miserable without me? I swear, Laura, I can't sleep, I can't 84 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,080 Please forgive me. 85 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,400 could start it. 86 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:41,680 Yeah, that'd be great. 87 00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:44,440 Would you like to go to the dance with me? 88 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,040 Yes. I mean, no. 89 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,540 Maxine asked me and I said yes. 90 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,020 Me and my big mouth. I told Max I didn't care if you went with someone else. 91 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:56,920 We'll go out next week. 92 00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:03,160 Yeah, well, walk on, pretty boy. 93 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:11,640 A lot lives with a man. 94 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,180 Ship change. 95 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:32,880 Ship change. 96 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,560 Let's try. 97 00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:42,740 Do you see anything in here about a dance? 98 00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:49,620 Hmm. Ah, yes, I do. Oh, you are having a great time. 99 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,540 Can you see who I'm with? 100 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:56,540 Well, um, she's very mysterious. 101 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:01,580 But she was afraid to ask you because she wasn't sure if you'd accept. 102 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,540 Well, uh, I hope she's the adventurous type. 103 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:10,860 Will you go to the dance with me? 104 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,640 It says here I'll pick you up at 8. 105 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:21,519 A guy. 106 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:22,399 Guess what? 107 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,240 I got my date for the Sadie Hawkins dance. 108 00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:26,040 Who? Who's the lucky bait? 109 00:08:26,260 --> 00:08:27,260 Melissa Roberts. 110 00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:31,020 That's the good one, man. Melissa Roberts. 111 00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:34,419 Now, come on. Who you really going with? 112 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,000 I just told you. Melissa Roberts. 113 00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:38,980 Oh. 114 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,220 Let me see. I can't put this delicate in. 115 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:45,920 She's a thug. 116 00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:48,220 She is not. 117 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:49,480 Oh, please. 118 00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:52,140 She wouldn't be allowed in the restaurant unless she was leading a 119 00:08:54,060 --> 00:08:57,600 Listen, guys, Melissa's really a nice girl. She's a schnauzer and a skirt. 120 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:14,960 What's the matter? 121 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:16,960 I'm embarrassed. 122 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:21,420 You see, I can't go with you to the dam. 123 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:23,860 Oh, well, how come? 124 00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:27,940 Well, I forgot that next Saturday I'm taking my dog to be neutered. 125 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,400 Can't you change the appointment? 126 00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:34,260 No, he's really looking forward to it. 127 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:38,960 I'm sorry, Melissa. 128 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,200 Bye. 129 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:24,279 exercise traveling? 130 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:25,280 Yes. 131 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,960 This baby will take off the piles in no time. 132 00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:31,140 Don't you love it? 133 00:10:35,940 --> 00:10:39,940 For my birthday, you brought me an exercise traveling? 134 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,520 Yes. And that's not all. 135 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:52,360 Lose weight, feel great at Chicago's premier health spa, Hip Whippers. 136 00:10:56,270 --> 00:10:58,310 It's a full year membership, babe. 137 00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:00,090 You may kiss me now. 138 00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:05,430 Why don't I just skip the kiss and kick you in your pants? 139 00:11:06,910 --> 00:11:08,990 Huh? You think I'm fat. 140 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:10,670 No, no. 141 00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:13,610 Harriet, you're the one that said you were fat. You've been saying it for 142 00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:15,530 And you agree with me. No, no. 143 00:11:16,490 --> 00:11:18,310 You know, Harriet, it's the thought that counts. 144 00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:26,580 insensitive, unromantic gift I have ever received. 145 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:28,800 Well, 146 00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,340 thank God I didn't give her the Thighmaster. 147 00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:00,890 out with this napkin. 148 00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:04,050 That's unbelievable. 149 00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:09,870 They are the sweetest boys, well -mannered, and oh, so talented. 150 00:12:10,990 --> 00:12:12,170 Wait a minute, Grandma. 151 00:12:12,630 --> 00:12:14,430 You actually know Criss Cross? 152 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:15,690 Of course. 153 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,650 They pulled me up on stage at their last concert. 154 00:12:22,670 --> 00:12:27,770 That is amazing. The greatest thing to happen to you. Things don't happen to 155 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:28,830 honey. 156 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:30,360 make them happen. 157 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,180 Hey, Laura. Hello, slimeball. 158 00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:43,980 Why aren't you out walking our non -existent, soon -to -be -neutered dog? 159 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,640 Been talking to Melissa, huh? Yeah. 160 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,300 She really liked you, Eddie. Why'd you dump her? 161 00:12:50,660 --> 00:12:52,460 Look right out, Laura. I mean, it's a guy thing. 162 00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:54,620 Uh -oh. 163 00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:57,080 Here comes something stupid and shallow. 164 00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:00,850 It is not stupid and shallow. 165 00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:04,170 I can't take Melissa to the dance because she's not pretty enough. 166 00:13:04,710 --> 00:13:06,650 That's neither stupid nor shallow. 167 00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:11,230 You must have been switched at birth. 168 00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:14,150 Come on, Laura, it's like the guy said. 169 00:13:14,530 --> 00:13:15,930 I gotta protect my image. 170 00:13:16,870 --> 00:13:18,010 Ah, the guy. 171 00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:22,610 Would this be the esteemed Waldo and the revered Weasel? 172 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:24,890 Yeah. 173 00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:27,750 Well, I hope you're happy. 174 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,940 You hurt a really nice girl just because you didn't have the guts to stand up to 175 00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:32,940 your friends. 176 00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:57,700 Harriet, we need to talk. 177 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:00,480 Okay. 178 00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:08,260 Look, I want you to know that I finally realized how stupid I was. 179 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,600 I did a very insensitive thing, and I promise you it will never happen again. 180 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,780 Just one question, hon. 181 00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:17,180 What? What'd I do? 182 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,900 Carl, I was feeling real insecure about my weight. And then when you bought that 183 00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:26,600 trampoline, I thought you thought what I thought. 184 00:14:27,530 --> 00:14:30,830 Harriet, I couldn't possibly think what you think, because I never have a clue 185 00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:31,830 what you're thinking. 186 00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:37,730 Well, I can't expect me to read my mind. 187 00:14:38,190 --> 00:14:39,230 I'm sorry, Carl. 188 00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:43,290 It's just that I've picked up a few pounds, and I'm mad at the world. 189 00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:45,210 Well, I'm sorry, too, babe. 190 00:14:45,930 --> 00:14:49,110 I mean, you may not believe this, but there are times when I actually feel... 191 00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:50,110 portly. 192 00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:54,250 Oh? 193 00:14:54,370 --> 00:14:56,310 Yeah, but I don't worry about it. 194 00:14:56,570 --> 00:14:59,370 See, because I know that you think that I am incredibly handsome. 195 00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,850 Yo, Harriet, jump in here any time, babe. 196 00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:11,650 You see, Carl, for a second there when I didn't answer, didn't you feel a little 197 00:15:11,650 --> 00:15:12,650 bit insecure? 198 00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:14,390 Well, yeah, I guess I did. 199 00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:15,990 Well, see, that's my point. 200 00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,990 The bottom line is, if I feel fat, I'm fat. 201 00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:25,210 Well, the bottom line for me is that no matter how you feel, you'll always be 202 00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:26,210 beautiful to me. 203 00:15:30,670 --> 00:15:31,670 Here, sweetheart. 204 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:32,890 What's this? 205 00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:34,970 It's the present I should have brought you in the first place. 206 00:15:36,110 --> 00:15:38,430 The present that expresses how I truly feel. 207 00:15:39,170 --> 00:15:45,710 That you are the most wonderful, the most beautiful 208 00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,890 person in my life. 209 00:15:48,970 --> 00:15:50,370 Oh, Carl. 210 00:15:52,090 --> 00:15:53,310 Carl, it's lovely. 211 00:15:53,970 --> 00:15:55,410 Not as lovely as you, dear. 212 00:15:56,450 --> 00:15:57,450 Happy birthday. 213 00:15:57,710 --> 00:15:58,710 Oh, Carl. 214 00:16:44,860 --> 00:16:45,860 Hey, 215 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,580 what's my thing doing with Ted? I thought you liked him. 216 00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:57,060 I do, but things got all mixed up. 217 00:17:05,829 --> 00:17:07,430 Well, check it out. What's Melissa doing with her coat? 218 00:17:08,190 --> 00:17:10,609 Tonight's just one big crazy mix -up. 219 00:17:10,869 --> 00:17:12,810 You telling me? I'm here for gym class. 220 00:17:15,010 --> 00:17:16,670 Then why aren't you wearing your gym clothes? 221 00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,030 I have a note from my doctor. 222 00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:23,150 You look great, Ted. 223 00:17:23,869 --> 00:17:25,130 She does, doesn't she? 224 00:17:27,230 --> 00:17:29,470 No, I said you look great, Ted. 225 00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:30,790 Oh, thanks. 226 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,210 Is she wearing a new dress? 227 00:17:32,870 --> 00:17:33,870 I wouldn't know. 228 00:17:35,190 --> 00:17:36,190 Oh, I'm sorry, man. 229 00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:39,670 You look fabulous. You look great. All the guys are staring at you. 230 00:17:40,430 --> 00:17:41,710 And you're staring at Laura. 231 00:17:44,410 --> 00:17:45,410 Come on. 232 00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,910 Listen, you wanted to go with Ted to the dance. 233 00:17:53,410 --> 00:17:55,430 And Ted wanted to go with you to the dance. 234 00:17:56,130 --> 00:17:58,770 So why don't you both just dance? 235 00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:03,810 Thanks, Max. You're the best. 236 00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:05,410 I know. 237 00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:20,990 Thanks for coming to the dance with me, 238 00:18:21,050 --> 00:18:22,050 Steve. 239 00:18:22,090 --> 00:18:26,550 Oh, piss off. We're friends, ma 'am. But fine. It's comforting to know that you 240 00:18:26,550 --> 00:18:28,530 respect my feelings for the lovely Laura Winslow. 241 00:18:28,990 --> 00:18:30,050 Yes, I do, Steve. 242 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:35,350 Oh, when I... take you home tonight, I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to take 243 00:18:35,350 --> 00:18:36,350 advantage of me physically. 244 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,350 I'll try to control myself. 245 00:18:44,430 --> 00:18:50,070 Hey, guys. That's what I do. 246 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:51,730 Yo, 247 00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:53,550 Winslow, you're just in time. 248 00:18:53,770 --> 00:18:55,430 Look what the nerd dragged in. 249 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,010 Cute couple, huh? 250 00:19:08,170 --> 00:19:11,210 double -legged, banana -brained, gum -flapping, trash -talking pig. 251 00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:12,630 You talking to me? Yes. 252 00:19:12,930 --> 00:19:13,930 Just checking. Go ahead. 253 00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:18,450 Weasel, you are the last person that should be giving me advice about girls. 254 00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:20,150 Because, buddy, check this out. 255 00:19:20,510 --> 00:19:21,510 You're alone. 256 00:19:21,970 --> 00:19:22,970 Just temporarily. 257 00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:28,770 Listen, Melissa may not be a cover girl, but you know what? 258 00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:30,910 I find her very attractive. 259 00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:33,910 Let me tell you something, Weasel. 260 00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:38,130 If all you look for is the funk with Miss America on it, The whole parade is 261 00:19:38,130 --> 00:19:39,130 going to pass you by. 262 00:19:40,030 --> 00:19:44,330 What was that for? I'm missing a parade. 263 00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:51,070 Surprisingly, that kind of song is one for one bacon. 264 00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:53,870 Excuse me, Steve. 265 00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:55,930 Can I talk to Melissa a second? 266 00:19:56,250 --> 00:19:57,390 Oh, certainly, you know. 267 00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:58,870 I'll be right back. 268 00:19:59,170 --> 00:20:01,010 Trey Quick, a big punch. 269 00:20:08,229 --> 00:20:09,490 Melissa, I lied. 270 00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:15,450 I don't have a dog. The truth is, I backed out of our date. 271 00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:17,430 I figured that. 272 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:21,190 Look, Eddie, I know I'm not the type of girl that you usually date. You're 273 00:20:21,190 --> 00:20:22,190 right. 274 00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:23,310 You're not. 275 00:20:24,530 --> 00:20:25,530 You're funny. 276 00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:26,550 You're smart. 277 00:20:27,650 --> 00:20:29,430 And I really enjoy being with you. 278 00:20:31,970 --> 00:20:33,210 I'm really sorry, Melissa. 279 00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:36,570 Do you want to dance? 280 00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:39,500 I'd love to. 19343