Original subtitles

Judy said she wants our house to be the scariest in Chicago.

True. Well, if Judy wants to scare people, all she has to do is show them

room.

I don't want to traumatize the kids.

I so wish I could be here tonight with you guys instead of on duty.

Me, too.

Get back here.

Now, Harriet, I hate working on Halloween.

I mean, my patrol car is nothing but a bullseye for half -crazed, egg -wielding

juvenile delinquents.

Eddie, we need more eggs.

Hi, Dad.

Mother dear.

Just why do you two need AIDS?

Oh, uh, I was just alerting your son to an impending shortage of farm food.

Right.

Look, Frankenstein, and you two, uh... Don King.

Or toilet paper in the house. Got it?

Got it.

Freeze.

Spread them.

One egg.

Two eggs.

Shaving cream.

Looks like you have a little egg on your face.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

It's all I see is a tower of dreams.

Real love bursting out of everything.

Oh, look, here's my date.

Oh, Harriet, I am so sorry we took so long, but the costume store was mobbed.

Well, did we get good outfits?

Good outfits? Great outfits.

I'm going to be Rapunzel. I'm going to be Tina Turner.

And I'm going to be Betty Davis and whatever happened to Baby Jamie.

I guess I better go up and check on Richie.

Rachel, Rachel, Rachel.

Who am I gonna be?

The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Well, Harriet, you're a popular size. It was either the Hunchback or

Leatherface.

Call me crazy, but I thought you'd jump for the hump.

Something to make the place really frightening.

Hi, guys.

Perfect.

Happy Halloween, guys and ghouls.

Peanut brittle, Carl?

Oh, gee, thanks, Steve.

with you in that silly outfit?

Everything okay, Lois?

For the last time, I'm not Lois Lane. I'm Tina Turner.

for the trick or treaters and get home.

in your savings account?

Not all of it. I want $9 in my savings account, $11 in my Hinch's Berry

account, $7 in my IR account, and $4 in my Christmas club.

You still have a dollar left, Steve.

I know. Where do you think I should put it?

Spending some time together.

Winslow?

Lieutenant Murtaugh, sir.

Who's in charge here?

You are, sir.

Good answer. Fill me in.

Well, it's a 211 in progress, sir.

Robbery suspect holed up in bank across the street.

Investors Bank of Chicago.

Currently paying the highest interest rates on a jumbo CD.

I wouldn't know, sir.

What the relance indicates, there is only one suspect.

He has hostage's number unknown.

Oh, this is a nasty situation, Winslow.

How would you handle it?

Rough sketch of the bank layout from the bank manager.

That's the manager?

I'm changing banks.

But the SWAT team is deployed and covering both exits.

Excellent. Well, let's get in there and turn this guy into a human sprinkler.

Sir, according to the book, we should try to make contact with the suspect and

attempt to determine the situation inside.

If we negotiate, we might be able to avoid unnecessary loss of life.

Oh.

Okay.

Stay cool.

And don't panic.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Thanks, Steve.

I was talking to me.

Shut up.

And that goes for you, too, Payla Bell.

police department.

Who am I speaking to, please?

Margaret Thatcher.

Look, I got five people in here.

You want to stay healthy, you give me exactly what I want.

All right, just stay calm, tell me what you want, and I'll do my best to get it

for you.

Really?

Yeah, my only concern is that nobody gets hurt.

Get me a van, gas stop, and I want a plane waiting for me at the airport.

Okay.

Get on this, but it's going to take some time.

I'm not a phone person.

I'm a gun person.

You got one hour.

All right.

I'll do my best.

But if I'm going to make this happen, I need to speak to someone to make sure

everybody in there is okay.

You. Paul Abdul.

Fine.

Here. One of Chicago's finest wants to know if you people are okay.

Sweetheart, what are you doing in there?

Well, well, well, isn't this interesting?

My look has changed.

I got me a cop's daughter here.

And if you want it back safe and sound, you...

three peanut butter cups in Carl's sock drawer.

Uh -huh. Good eating.

We're back.

Hey, look, Humphrey. It's Janet Jackson and Raphael. Did you kids have fun?

the kids are on a sugar high. See if you can get them to sell us their candy.

But I thought Laurence and Steve went out to get some. They never came back.

Probably out goofing around.

Well, it's Halloween.

By the way, Harriet, I'm a little disappointed in you.

Why? Well, I thought you'd at least try on the hump.

Now, now, you listen to me. I

These hostages are history if you don't deliver in five minutes.

That's better.

Pizzas will be here in five minutes.

Hey, and in another ten minutes, we'll get them for free.

Shut up.

shoot you and you'll die.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Sit back down next to Chaka Khan.

Well, finally, the pizza's here.

All right, come on, let's go.

What took you so long?

Sorry, man.

I caught a... flat on me bike.

Hey, that's a real gun.

Yeah, and that better be real pizza.

Oh, it is, man. Best in town. Cheese fresh at $22, man.

The cops are paying.

Shoot, that mean no tip.

You open it.

See? Just grease.

You get some tomato soup.

And you, pork and beans.

Mom, you will never believe what happened to us. Young lady, where have

been? You were supposed to be back here with more candy more than three hours

ago. We were.

forced to hand out canned goods and pork products.

Then I want to know where you were and what happened.

Carl, can I talk to you for a minute?

What's on your mind, Steve?

Well, I... I just... Steve, what's wrong?

I'm a coward.

What are you talking about?

Well, I picture myself overpowering that robber and saving the day.

I chickened out.

I just did everything he told me to do.

Well, Steve, that's exactly what you should have done.

No, no. Laura was in danger. I mean, I should have done something.

Steve, that man was armed.

I mean, if you had made a move, you might have gotten hurt. Laura might have

gotten hurt.

But you made a...

real hero, Carl.

Steve, can you keep a secret?

Sure.

I was real scared, too.

Really? You didn't show it?

Only because I've been trained for those situations.

But remember, I used your trick snakes.

Yeah, that's right.

You know, Steve, you stuck by my daughter.

You made sure that she was okay.

You did your very best to do that.

And in my book, that makes you a hero.

Thanks, Mon.