Original subtitles

Thanks for letting me practice on you, Steve.

I really want to ace this first day of class.

No problemo, Edo.

I have a lot of personal experience in first day.

I got a nosebleed at birth. My doctor slapped the wrong end.

I'll be right back.

I'm going to go get the plaster.

No rush. I'm a patient, patient.

condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page.

The love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's been harder to find.

Well, there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

All I see is a tower of dreams.

Well, I want to look perfect. You know, Carl and I haven't had a romantic dinner

date since the car administration.

Harriet. Harriet.

Feast your ever -loving eyes on these.

Tickets to Les Mis. Better.

Jenny Jackson.

Even better.

MC Hammer.

No. The Blackhawks and the Penguins.

Hockey chair.

I couldn't pass this up. And look where we're sitting.

Great. We can dodge pups all night.

Yeah.

You're not going to wear that, are you?

Of course not. I'll just slip into something more comfortable.

Like a helmet and some shin guards.

Gee, thanks, babe.

You won't regret it. You're going to have a great time, I promise you.

Especially when they start beating each other up.

Hustle up, babe, okay?

I'm married to the most wonderful woman in the world.

cities, neighborhoods.

Now, all of these are built upon smaller social units like the family.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh,

oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh,

oh, oh

is the center for all social interaction.

And the foundation for most families is

marriage. So, oh, for the next two weeks, the class

will be paired off into married couples.

Now, you all have to figure out how to live on a budget.

You will make decisions about jobs, homes, children.

And each of you will grade your partner.

Yeah.

Do we get to pick who we want to marry?

Well, you should write down your top three choices, and I will do my best to

pair everyone up.

The names of the happy couples will be posted on the bulletin board tomorrow.

You cannot put the same name three times.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, honey. How you doing? Hi, honey.

How's your head?

How do you think it is I got hit by a hockey puck?

Sweetheart, that was a great stop. You deserve that standing ovation.

Oh, Carl, I called Shea Josephine's and we'll confirm for 8 o 'clock tonight.

Oh.

Oh, babe, I'm sorry. I meant to call you.

There's been a little change in plans.

Now what?

Well, you remember Joe Hichborn, traffic control?

Shy guy couldn't get a date?

Yeah. Well, they switched him to hooker patrol and he's getting married this

weekend.

Oh, my Lord.

Just a picture to bribe me.

Well, anyway, the guys decided to throw him a little bachelor party tonight.

Mind if I go?

It's up to you, Carl.

Gee, thanks, babe.

You are the best.

Don't wait up.

How could you let Carl get away with that?

Well, what was I supposed to do? Beg him to take me to dinner?

Honey, Carl is my son.

And in my eyes, he can do no wrong.

But he's your husband.

You should have knocked him into the middle of next week.

I'd like Carla to be more romantic, but I can't force it out of him.

You know, he used to send me flowers for no reason at all.

And he'd leave me funny little notes all around the house.

He'd even call me three or four times a day just to say he loved me.

He doesn't do those things anymore.

Well, Harriet, doesn't that make you angry?

No.

Makes me scared.

I caught him! For the next two blissful weeks, I am

Mrs. Mark Healy. Yes!

That's great. Who did I get, Derek or Jeff?

I was so excited, I forgot to look.

Just walking.

Well, sit down. You almost missed dinner.

father before we proceed.

What is it, Steve?

Well, Carl, call me old -fashioned, but before I marry Laura, I'd like to have

your blessing.

Well, Steve, I appreciate that, but I wouldn't stand in your way if you two

really...

Could have been eight, but I didn't like the smell of that sushi.

I finished all the housework. You know, deep in the back of your fridge, I found

a fascinating mold specimen thriving on an ancient cheese wheel.

Go home.

Not yet.

This is our last night of wedded bliss.

Yeah, I've been blowing up balloons.

You and I have pretended to be man and wife.

And now, on this, our last night, we can make each other's dreams come true.

With a kiss.

supposed to grade each other on this assignment.

And right now, you're staring down the barrel of an F.

One kiss.

A pick on the cheek.

A momentary escalation.

Forget it. I have a headache.

I thought you might say that, so I came prepared.

Aspirin, baby?

It won't happen again. I'm prepared to wait forever if need be. In the

I hope you'll accept this small gift as a little memento of our two glorious

weeks together.

Steve, this is really beautiful.

One -third carat diamond with one -tenth the sparkle of your lovely eyes.

expenses.

loving you it's like wanting to touch a star you know you'll never reach it but

you've just got to keep trying

why

do you always say things like that these last two weeks have been wonderful for

me it's the closest i'll ever get to marrying

No strings attached.

Just the one to my heart.

Is he alone?

No, just pruning your father.

Fern.

Something on your mind?

Yeah, Steve.

Ooh, he did a good job on my...

What happened?

He's smothering me.

He sent me a room full of roses.

He calls me every hour. He waits on me hand and foot.

A person can only take so much devotion.

You don't know how lucky you are.

Steve may not be the man of your dreams, but it's a wonderful thing when

somebody loves you that much.

to admit one thing.

Steve sure never takes you for granted.

I wish he would.

I'm all urkeled out.

Well, Steve is a pest.

No question about that.

But he adores you, Laura.

And he shows it.

You know, being romantic is a good quality for a husband to have.

Healy is selfish, conceited, and inconsiderate.

He cheated on me with an older woman.

I caught him at the movies with a ninth grader.

So I divorced him.

Mark, I give you an F -.

What?

Well, we've learned that not everyone is compatible.

But I am glad to see that Maxine and Mark have resolved their differences

maturely.

Jerk.

Dweeb.

All right, let's move on to our last couple.

Oh, Stephen, you may begin.

Obviously, Lauren was the perfect wife. Brilliant mother.

helpmate and manager.

I'll always be proud that she was the first Mrs. Urkel.

She's an A all the way.

Thank you.

Laura, your grade for Stephen.

Well, Steve is incredibly annoying.

You just want to slap him all the time.

But he's also hardworking and caring.

He really tried to make me happy.

He was a good husband, and I gave him an A+.

heard you talking to Laura.

And what you said to her, well, it made me realize that I've been acting like a

jerk. An idiot, a fool, an ignoramus.

Stop me whenever you like, Harriet.

Oh, no, you're doing fine.

Harriet, you are the most important person in the world to me.

And you always will be.

I thank God every day that we're together.

But now it's time I start thanking you.

So, Harriet, I want you to put on that beautiful new dress because we have an 8

o 'clock reservation at Chez Josephine's.

And, sweetheart, when you walk in there, I'd like you to wear this.

Oh, Carl.

It's just a little I love you present.

It's beautiful.

But, sweetheart, not as beautiful as you.

Ooh, sparkle city.

I know I shouldn't ask, but how much?

Well, I got a good deal.

I bought it off of Urkel.

He tried to bargain with me, but the poor kid was overmatched.

He caved in at a thousand.

Ooh, cow.

That's way too much.

Yeah, but he threw in a little something.

everything.