Original subtitles

Slotted you again.

I'm gonna hit three games to two.

I want a rematch. Hey, wait a minute. You said I could play the winner.

You can.

It's the best 51 out of 100.

All right, that's enough. Everybody up to bed.

Just one more game.

No, it's a waste of time.

Yeah, you should all go read a book. It'll improve your mind.

Hey, someday you'll fake me.

I thought they'd never leave.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition.

Of the grand design, some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of every scene.

We're going to fill our house with happiness.

But we'll smother the blues with tenderness.

There's room for you, room for me.

The gentle heart's an opportunity.

ABC Family Programming is brought to you... Now,

son, all you do is factor out your polynomial, which leaves you with X plus

plus 3X, which means X equals 25,

right?

See how much fun I was a -brickin' B?

Yeah.

It's amazing this much fun is legal.

What is wrong with this chair?

Mom, I'm way behind in history. I've got to pull another lighter.

Fine, as long as you're in bed by ten.

Edward, why is your father under the table?

Harriet, this chair is wobbly.

I know what you're thinking, Carl, but just call the shop and get it fixed.

Harriet, I can do this. All I gotta do is even out the legs.

I guess that means we're gonna get a new kitchen set.

Well, thank you for your overwhelming vote of confidence in me.

Come on, Edward, let's get back to work. Dad, I'm tired.

How about tomorrow?

Oh, I guess we can knock it off.

Well, you got algebra down cold anyway.

Good night, Einstein.

Good night, Professor.

needs to see on my midterm exam, I'm gonna flunk algebra.

I thought Dad was a math whiz.

He is.

Then what's the problem? I'm the one who's taking the test.

Yes, you're out of luck.

Laura, if I flunk, Mom and Dad won't let me go to the Prince concert.

You gotta help me. I haven't had algebra yet.

There's only one person who can help me now.

Steve Urkel.

Urkel?

I'd rather eat worms.

He can teach you that, too.

Rachel, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but that log cabin is pitiful.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, honey.

Steve, did it ever occur to you that when the door is closed, we're trying to

keep unwanted people out?

Well, I'd better lock it then.

He's such a thoughtful child.

Thanks, Bill.

Laura's not here.

Well, actually, it was Eddie who asked me to stop by.

You're kidding.

Thank goodness you're here.

I'm flunking algebra and I need you to tutor me.

Well, this is my busy season.

I'm trying to teach the football team fractions.

Steve, I'm desperate.

If you don't help me, I can't go to the Prince concert.

Check out these seats.

Third row.

Wow, you could get sweated on.

Will you tutor me?

I'll give you anything you want.

Really?

Maybe we can work something out.

help you need.

Okay, first question. What do you get when you multiply a negative by a

negative?

A really big negative?

Uh -oh.

Second question.

Three times X equals six.

What is the value of X?

I know this one.

It's either a number or a letter.

that you owe me a favor.

In the meantime, I'll just take these as collateral.

I would like to propose a toast to the most brilliant children in Chicago.

You all did great on your midterms. We're very proud of you. You're here.

Round and child.

Eddie, can we speak privately?

Sure.

Excuse us for a minute.

Come on, old buddy.

What's your second choice?

There is no second choice.

But it's to be reasonable.

I want Laura on a date this Friday night.

Tonight, forget everything you think you know. Laura,

I've been thinking.

You know who's really a great guy once you get to know him?

I have a lot in common.

If I believe that, there'll be no reason to go on.

Laura, Steve was a great tutor, but now I owe him big.

How big?

I promised him a date with you.

Really?

Are you out of your mind?

I'm a heart.

A couple of measly hours of your time can make his dreams come true.

go back on my word. Well, you should have promised him something you could

deliver, like a ride on a space shuttle.

Laura, Laura, listen to me, please.

It's finished.

I took this baby apart and re -glued every joint, and now this chair is

Now it's a recliner.

Can I ask you guys a quick... Can I ask you guys a question?

Did you ever go out with someone just because you felt sorry for them?

Shoot. How do you think I met your dad?

Remember when I went out with Clarence and Bibby?

Do I ever.

Everything that boy ever ate in his life was stuffed to his hush puppies.

I know that you were the hush puppy type. Oh, it was a mercy day.

He was hopelessly in love with me. One of many.

So, Laura, honey, who's the loser in your life?

Names aren't important.

Let's just say he's a world -class nerd with no redeeming qualities.

Sounds like Steve Urkel. It is.

on a mercy date, that's a Lord have mercy date.

Mercy date?

Steve is a fine young man. If I was a few years younger, I'd give you a run

your money.

You want a head start?

I could persuade you to change your mind about Friday night.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but... I'll...

I'll go with you.

Wow!

This new cologne must really work!

Laura, you're the bravest sister a guy ever had.

anywhere until the ground was restrained.

First of all, this is not a real date.

It's a non -date.

Second, no one must ever know about this non -date.

Third, if you touch me at any time, the non -date is over.

What if you trip or something?

Just let me fall.

The rest of the rules are covered in this contract.

Oh, Julie, who does these things? They're disgusting.

Where do I sign?

Carl,

it's taken you forever to finish that chair.

Well, Harriet, do you want this fast or do you want it good?

I got a shot either way.

Laura?

Laura.

Don, you recognized me.

Well, it was either you or the Phantom of the Opera.

Right this way, please. Don't put us near the kitchen or the bathroom, okay?

Oui, Monsieur Hercule.

I hate the sound of flushing while I'm eating.

Don't you, my pet?

Monsieur, bon appétit.

Nerd alert, table 12.

This place is perfect.

Nobody we know would ever come here.

Right. It'll be our special place.

Mademoiselle. We won't be needing those. I ordered ahead for the specialty of

the maison.

Ah, yes. Excellent choice.

Probably.

touching, which would be a clear violation of our contract.

Yeah, you're right.

What was I thinking?

Why should you lower yourself just because it would mean the world to me?

Oh. For you, it's just an insignificant gesture.

In your lifetime, you'll go out on hundreds of dates. But for me, this

my one and only.

How do you like that? I peaked at 13.

Okay, Erica.

One kiss on the cheek.

Eva. She can't be all that big.

Hello, Cool J.

Think I might love her.

Gabrielle Union.

I hate to say I told you so. Then don't.

Hi, Laura. How'd it go?

It was the most disgusting... It was the most

disgusting, degrading, humiliating night of my life.

Oh. How was the food?

Laura, look, I know you had a bad night, but someday you're gonna look back at

this night and see how funny...

You sit, Dad.

But right now, all I can see is Urkel running out of the restaurant with a

tablecloth tucked into his pants.

He did that?

He practically leveled the place.

I guess it was pretty funny.

Here are your tickets.

Thanks, Laura.

I've been thinking.

Why don't you go to the concert with me?

That'll be fun.

Thanks, Betty.

Lauren, you did a nice thing. We're proud of you.

Yeah, and look at it this way. Now that you've gone out with Steve, he'll

probably leave you alone for a while.

right now, so please leave a message at the sound of the beep.

saw a 20 year old photograph of a man who looked just like you that's all in

past forget everything you think you know because nothing is what it appears

there's something i need to tell you who is kyle