All language subtitles for Ellen s01e05 The Promotion

How's your life?

Fine. Fine.

Fine, fine.

You have a boyfriend?

No. Nope.

Nope, nope.

Are you seeing anyone?

You know, Mom, we have lunch every
Friday.

And every Friday you ask me the exact
same questions. How's your life?

Do you have a boyfriend?

Are you seeing anyone? How's your job?
How is your job?

It's fine, Mom.

Fine. Oh, don't be like that. Well,
Ellen, I just want to know what's going

in your life.

You never tell me anything.

I want to feel like I'm part of it.

Just tell me something.

Anything.

One thing.

Just tell me one thing. Okay, okay,
okay.

There's a promotion thing.

You're getting a promotion?

Yeah, maybe, probably. Not a big deal.
Oh, well, of course it's a big deal.

a very big deal. You're getting a
promotion. I want to hear more.

Okay. You know my boss, Susan?

The owner.

Right. Yeah.

She just had a baby, so she wants
somebody to take over the store and

for her.

Oh, that's wonderful.

So she told you the job is yours.

No, but I've been there the longest, so
I assume...

Well, then she could bring someone in
from the outside, someone with

I have experience.

Ellen, what are you doing about this?

I'm not doing anything. I'm going to
work every day, and I'm doing my job as

best as I possibly can.

Oh, Ellen.

Mom, don't owe Ellen me.

Okay, okay.

Here's what I want you to do.

Have you bought this woman a gift?

A gift?

For her baby.

No. Oh, Ellen. Mom, Mom.

Ellen, this is the real world. Things
just don't fall into your lap. You have

know how to play the game.

Oh, that's right. I forgot. You
engineered that big Nabisco buyout,

Tomorrow you go out and you buy Susan a
gift for her baby and you take it over

to her home.

Mom, I'm not going to kiss Susan's butt
for this job.

No one's asking you to kiss anyone's
butt.

and hypocritical. I don't even like her.
The only reason I'd be doing it is to

get something for myself.

You will buy that woman a gift.

Mom, don't tell me what to do.

You will go out tomorrow and buy that
woman a gift.

Mom, I didn't like it when you told me
what to do when I was little and I don't

like it now. Don't tell me what to do.

How much for the pink bunny and the
tutu?

$39 .95.

You will buy that woman a gift.

I'll take it.

Does it have to wear the tutu?

Oh, it's sewn into her abdomen.

Well, of course it is. You know, my
pants are sewn into my abdomen.

I'm thinking I have my socks sewn into
my legs so that they don't fall down.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Look what I got.

Wow, that's hideous. I know.

They're charging a fortune for them.
Well, lucky, lucky you.

The guy gave it to me. What guy? So
you're really going to do this? Do what?

course we are.

We do what?

You said you saw these paintings in
Tijuana for $25.

Well, yeah, but I... Do what -da?

We can get these paintings in Tijuana
for $25, and the guy at the art gallery

next door says he'll buy them for $45,
as many as we can find. True. They're

exact same paintings. So what do you
guys know about buying and selling art?

Oh, you know what, Ellen? You know what
your problem is? You have no vision.

I have no vision.

Like a hawk, I see.

You're like a blind woman.

$9 .95?

Who buys this crap?

What is that, a tutu?

That's stupid.

Okay, it's simple. For every one of
those paintings you bring in, I'll give

$45. Guaranteed?

Guaranteed. And we can trust you? You're
not going to knock it down to $20 when

we get them here?

Why would I do that? You wouldn't make
any money then. I'd be ripping you off.

See?

Are you willing to put this in writing?

Writing? Who needs writing? My word is
my bond. You bring me art, it's $30,

guaranteed. I'll put $45. $45,
guaranteed.

So how long is this going to take?
Because, you know, the movie's at 8.

Not long. I just got to give Susan the
gift and we're out of there.

You're not going to embarrass me, are
you?

Not intentionally.

Hello. May I help you?

Si, senorita.

Hi, is Susan home?

Yeah, Susan, she's home.

Do you want to come in? Yes.

I'm Adam. Oh, Maria.

But my English is not so good, so
don't... Sí, hablo español un poco.

¿De verdad?

Raras veces viene alguien aquí que habla
español. De hecho, nunca hablo español

por el día, solamente por la noche en mi
casa.

Sí, hablo español un poco.

Oh, Ellen.

Hi, Susan.

What are you doing here?

I hope this isn't a bad time.

I just came by to bring a gift for the
baby.

Oh.

This is my friend Adam.

Nice to meet you.

Good to meet you.

Would either of you care for a drink?

No, we're fine, thanks.

I'll have a root beer.

Maria, a root beer and a screwdriver.

Yes, Miss Susan.

Uh, Maria, let me help you with that.

So, where's little Rugrat?

Baby, baby.

Did I say rug rat?

You know why I did?

Because my dad would call us rats as
children.

He would just be a little rat, you know,
and we loved it because we would chew

and we knew that's why. Because we, like
rats chew, nibble. Have you seen them?

And we would just chew through anything,
just, you know, a crouton or a cracker.

One time my little brother chewed
through electrical cord and then he took

different bus to school.

We called him Sparky.

It's a joke to do that. Because we were
hungry. That's why we didn't have much

money. Not that I'm hinting that I need
money now. I'm not. I mean, I do. Who

doesn't need more money? Who's going to
say, no more money?

I can't take another dollar.

Here, no.

I wouldn't.

Where is little Tyke?

Right behind you.

Oh.

Hiding right there the whole time.

Oh, she's adorable. Can I hold her? Are
your hands clean?

Well, I washed them this morning.

She really doesn't like it when strange
women hold her.

Well, then we have a little problem
because I am one strange woman.

Strange, strange, strange!

Night -night!

Shall I open the gift? Please do.

Here you go, Susan.

Thank you.

We exchanged numbers.

I can't believe she gave you her number.

Well, I gave her mine.

She said she's in the book.

Oh, how unusual.

Yeah, she's wearing a tutu.

They make them special. They sew them
right on into the abdomen.

Hello? Yes, could you hold on a moment?

Will you excuse me for a few minutes? I
have to take this upstairs.

No problem.

Be right down here.

Oh, what a total bitch this woman is.

I can't believe I'm in her house. I
mean, I just, I feel so dirty.

Look at that face.

She's planning her escape already, I can
tell.

Ellen. I tell you what, the day this kid
gets a bike, they can kiss her ass

goodbye.

Ellen. She'll probably pedal straight to
the U .N., get her mother arrested on

human rights violations.

Crimes against humanity. Ellen.

Pipe down, I'm on a roll.

It's a baby monitor.

I don't know how you got in here, miss,
but I won't stand for you speaking about

my boss in that way.

In Los Angeles, please.

Lopez, first initial M.

No, I do not have a street.

What are you laughing at?

Well, then I guess you just have your
work cut out for you, don't you?

Hello? Hello?

Well, this is what I get for doing what
my mother tells me.

So, what did she say when she came
downstairs?

Not much. She thanked me for the token.

That's what she called it, the token.

And then she said she had some things to
do, and she showed us out.

So you have no idea if she heard you or
not?

Not a clue.

Well, you think if she heard you, she'll
fire you? Oh.

Oh, yeah.

She'll fire me, all right, but first
she'll string me along for a couple of

weeks just to watch me squirm.

I'm like a fish, caught on the end of a
line, a hook through my lip, blood

running down my little fish chin.

flailing about helplessly as she decides
to throw me back and let me live or

drop me, gasping... into her rancid

bucket of death.

Well, as long as you've got it all in
perspective.

Hello?

Hold on.

Um, Adam? Yeah? I think it's the nanny.
You're kidding.

Thank you, God.

Hey, ask her where they keep the other
end of the baby monitor. Yeah.

That'll come up.

Slip it in.

Hello?

Maria.

Si.

Si.

Si.

Mañana esta bien.

Muy bien.

Muy, muy bien.

Excelente.

Ciao.

You didn't ask her about the baby
monitor. I'm seeing her tomorrow night.

ask her then.

Okay, Holly, we gotta go pick up the
van.

You get in a van? What for?

We're driving down to Tijuana after work
tomorrow.

They're buying a ton of hideous Mexican
artwork, but of course I wouldn't

understand that because I have no
vision.

I'm like a blind woman.

Hello.

Hello, come in.

Come in.

This is very nice.

Thanks, thanks.

Mi casa es su casa.

Gracias.

So, you live alone?

Yes. Well, no, technically, no.

I live with Ellen, blonde hair, but we
just live together.

No, esta intercorsa. Can

I offer you something to drink?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no drink.

Why don't you sit here?

Lo que quieres, quiero.

Oh, you are studying.

Yes, yes.

Spanish is my passion.

Oh, Adam.

There is something I want to say to you.
Okay.

Oh, but it is important for me to say it
right.

But since my English is not, like, so
good, my sister write down for me.

That's sweet.

Okay, I read.

Dear Adam, I heard every word you and
your friend said over the baby monitor,

and unless you give me $1 ,500, I will
tell my boss everything.

Oh, thank you for your cooperation.

You know, maybe she just called, huh?
No, really, I swear she'll be home any

second.

Okay, I'll wait a few minutes, but, you
know, then I have to go.

So you really aren't interested in me at
all?

Oh, no.

What exactly is it that you don't like
about me?

There are so many things.

Look, Adam, in El Salvador I have two
PhDs, okay?

Comparative literature and philosophy.

Of course, in this country, that gets
you squat.

Hey there. Hey, I won't be long. I
promise I'll be out of here in a minute.

I think you might want to stay.

Why is that?

Well, it turns out that the baby monitor
wasn't upstairs with Susan.

Oh, you're kidding. That's great.

Not really. It was in the kitchen with
Maria.

Oh. Yeah.

Dear Adam and Ellen, I heard every word
you and your friend said over the baby

monitor, and unless you give me $1 ,500,
I will tell my boss everything.

Thank you for your cooperation.

You're kidding. You've got to be
kidding.

You're serious? You're blackmailing me?

I can't believe this. What did you tell
her?

I didn't tell her anything. She came up
with this all on her own.

She's got two PhDs, you know.

Well, it's ridiculous. I'm not paying
it.

Ellen, she's going to tell Susan
everything.

Fine, tell her. I don't even want the
lousy job. You can tell her whatever you

want.

Now,

see what you've done.

It is not for me, okay?

It's for my children.

I haven't seen them in two years.

I need money to pay mom to bring them to
me.

Children?

You never told me you had children.

Look, even if I wanted to, I just don't
have $1 ,500.

I barely have $15.

I can't believe you have children.

It's just one thing after another with
you.

What? Well, Adam, Adam. Oh, no, no, no,
no. Please, please, please. You must

help me. You know, I would go to Tijuana
and bring them myself, but I can't come

back in.

Ni gringos.

I mean, beautiful American citizens.

Oh, and it is so easy for you.

You want us to go down there?

Yeah. Oh, you just cross the border.

They never question gringos. Oh, no,
they just wave you through.

Oh, please.

You're telling me you're not going to
get my children?

Sure they're just going to wave us
through?

There's no way they're going to let us
across with these kids.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Well, maybe we should just turn around.

Oh, it's not going to be a problem, all
right? I'm just going to tell the guard

that these are my children.

Yours? Yes, mine. I adopted, okay?

And Adam, you're my husband.

And Ellen, you're the nanny.

Well, who am I?

You're her friend. You came along for
the day to buy the art.

Oh, okay.

might have to be the nanny how you be
the nanny and i'll be the friend who

bought the art why should i be the nanny
well you're good with kids i don't want

to work for anita

Can I see your papers, please?

Papers? Yes.

She wants to see our papers.

I'm telling you, we don't have any
papers. We just came down for the day.

papers. We're just here for the day. We
came for the day.

This is Anita and her two little
children.

Adopted, obviously.

Why am I even bothered to tell you that?
You probably looked and said, adopted,

if they're hers.

And the husband and the nanny.

And I'm the friend.

I just came to get some art. I love art.

Love, love, love art.

Don't you love art? Mexican art
especially.

A collector, if you will. So I just came
down for the day to get this batch, and

I'm hitting on back.

And you don't have any papers?

No, none papers.

We have no papers.

You must have papers. We have no papers.

Look, pal.

We don't have any papers.

We're citizens of the U .S. of A., and
just because her two little children

happen to have a darker shade of skin
doesn't give you the right to question

their nationality or harass my friends
or treat us like we're some type of

second -class citizens. We're human
beings, damn it, and we're doing nothing

exercising our God -given right to life,
liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Well, that's all well and good, ma 'am,
but I'm talking about the artwork.

I need to see your import -export
papers.

Gee, Anita, I don't think I have any
import -export papers.

Well, then, we've got a problem then, ma
'am.

Everybody else can go on through, but
you and the artwork have to come with

Thank you very much, officer.

Yeah, Mom, fine.

Fine. Yeah.

Well, it looks like I actually did get
the promotion after all.

Yeah, I just checked the machine, and
Susan left a nice message, so it's

The gift was a great idea. Oh, yeah.

It sure was.

It was a pink bunny with a tutu.

Well, it was sewn in.

Yeah, one more thing real quick.

I'm in a Mexican prison, and I need you
to send $1 ,500 to post bail.

Mom, don't owe Ellen me.