Original subtitles

I've nothing but the genes, but they got different strokes to take, different

strokes to take, different strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

We don't matter that you got not a lot. So what? I'll have theirs, you'll have

yours, and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine today.

See Adelaide, how are we going to manage for three whole weeks without you?

Yeah, we're sure going to miss you. I miss you already and you're still here.

I'm going to miss you guys too, but I have to go.

You know, my sister's lagging a cast and her husband's out of town. She really

needs me. Yeah, we understand.

Yeah. But the girl who's filling in for me, Sandra Williams, has very good

references. And she sounded real nice on the phone.

Well, how can you tell about her cooking over the phone?

Without your fudge bronze and apple fritters in three weeks, I'll be nothing

cheeks and bones.

You're all set, Adelaide. My chauffeur's waiting for you downstairs.

Thanks. I'm going in style.

A limousine?

To the bus station.

Well, kids, this is it. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

I'll call up to make sure everything's going all right. Okay, bye -bye. Have a

good trip.

If you get too busy, just send a candy gram.

I thought she'd never leave.

Sondra, it's very nice to have you with us. Thank you. This is my family,

Kimberly, Willis, and Arnold.

Hi. How you doing? What a lovely family. Adelaide told me all about you when we

spoke. Thank you.

Welcome to our humble commode.

I think you mean abode.

Commode refers to the bathroom.

Oh, welcome to that, too.

You are such a cutie pie.

Come on, Sondra, and I'll show you to your room. Willis, will you help with

suitcase, please? I got it.

You can take it now, Willis. I just wanted to see if it was too heavy for

Nothing to it.

Do you eat most of your meals in here?

Well, Dad, Willis and I eat our meals in here.

With Arnold, you can't exactly call it eating.

It's more like a... Well, you ever seen a plague of locusts?

I'll see you later, Sandra.

Sandra, let me give you a tour of the most important thing in the kitchen.

What's that?

The refrigerator.

Notice it's king size.

A king -size refrigerator for a little boy with king -size cheeks.

Can I pinch him? Sure, be my guest. Pinch away.

Hey,

that didn't even hurt. You're a pain -free pincher. And you're a darling

dude. I am?

Well, how about we make some popcorn?

I'll get the popcorn.

Sorry, no popcorn before lunch. You should eat a balanced diet.

I do eat a balanced diet. Have food.

Did you hurt yourself?

I think I bumped my elbow.

Let me kiss it better.

Is that better?

Yeah, it feels great now. That's my pitching arm. Good.

Oh, don't forget my catching arm.

Oh, of course.

How's that?

Great. And that's my shoulders. They hold my arms together.

You are something else.

Hey, that's what my mama used to say to me.

You know something?

He can remind me of my mama.

That is so sweet.

And when I get married, I'd like to have a little boy just like you.

Sandra, these are for the cleaners.

Would you please tell them that I would like the hole in that sweater mended?

My golf partners are complaining that that gives me an unfair advantage.

How's that?

Well, I start with a hole in one.

The College Hill Atlanta gang goes camping.

I have to spend more time with these people outside of the house. But this

your typical road trip. Girls, guys, bears, and gunshots. Oh, my.

Catching all new College Hill Atlanta, Tuesday at 10.

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Boy, wait till you meet Sandra.

What a terrific smile.

She must have a hundred teeth.

She called me cutie pie.

Just like Mama.

Abraham, what if Sandra became our Mama?

Wouldn't that be terrific?

Is this a private conversation?

Oh, Willis.

Maybe you can help me with a problem. It's about love.

Love? Hey, brother, I wrote the book.

Willis, what makes a man fall in love with a woman?

Well, first off, there's got to be this physical attraction.

Then there's this emotional thing. And it doesn't hurt if she has season

to all the ballgames.

Willis, can someone fall in love in three weeks? Sure.

Something will fall in love at first sight. At least that's what happens to

girls when they look at me.

How do you think they call me Knock 'em Dead Jackson?

I thought it was your breath.

Speaking of breath, how would you like to lose yours?

You wouldn't hit a kid with glasses, would you?

Look, Colonel, when you mix the right people together, anything can happen,

marriage. But don't worry, I won't let you get hooked by any girl. Oh, Willis,

I'm not talking about any girl. I'm talking about Sandra.

Say what?

Stop dreaming.

Sandra's not going to marry a guy she can pick up and carry around.

Wallace, when was the last time you had your brain tuned up?

I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about Sandra and Dad.

Dad, you've been blow -drying your hair too much.

Wallace, doesn't Sandra remind you of someone, especially when she smiles?

I don't know, Arnold. I never thought about it.

And the way she smells.

Who does she remind you of, Arnold?

Mama.

Mama?

Hey, yeah.

Yeah, anyway.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a mama again?

And all Dad has to do is marry Sandra.

Arnold, I don't think Dad's going to marry her. He only knows her. They're

different backgrounds.

And in case you haven't noticed, she's black.

So? Dad fell in love with us, and we're not exactly Snow White.

Arnold, I'm not saying it could never happen.

They have nothing in common.

Sure they do.

Like what?

I bet neither one of them want to go skydiving without a parachute.

Come here, little brother.

Listen, I know you miss Mama, and I miss her, too.

Last Mother's Day, I went to the store and looked at all the Mother's Day

I almost bought one.

Well, what would I have done with it?

You could have put it in the drawer with the one I bought.

Oh, you too, huh?

I guess we'll never forget Mama.

Hey, I know it's hard.

Will it ever get easier?

I don't know, Arnold, but it don't help to kid ourselves.

Sure, Sandra will make a nice Mama, but forget it, okay?

I don't care what Willis says.

I got three weeks before Adelaide comes back.

I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to get Sandra to fall in love

with Dad.

You can come to the wedding. You can be best fish.

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Have a nice day.

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It's just in free fall.

Double cheeseburger from the dollar menu. Dollar's looking strong.

Dollar's looking good.

The McDonald's Beefy Cheesy Double Cheeseburger. Just one of the

choices on the dollar menu.

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Nope. We've got to get them done.

If I could... Wait.

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Now playing.

Dad? Yeah?

Dad? Wait a minute.

Get a second. Well, I'm just on my way to the health club.

Can it wait?

Well, it's real important.

I need help with my homework.

Well, in that case, sure.

Okay.

What's the subject?

Marriage.

What is it you want to know?

Okay, question number one. When you were married, did you like it?

Very much.

He dug it.

Would you ever get married again?

I think so.

Yes.

Ready to take the plunge.

Of course, that's only if I found the right woman.

Looking for a tin.

Well, I'd settle for a nine and a half.

The truth is, Arnold, I really miss being married.

Getting desperate.

Well, I'm not exactly dragging women out of singles bars.

But it would be nice to have someone I love by my side to talk to and share

and blame things on.

Would you marry someone younger than you?

Certainly. Smarter than you?

Gladly. Blacker than you?

Blacker than me?

Well, I've never thought about it.

But I suppose if two people really love each other, that's the important thing.

Thank you. He made a very wise choice.

What wise choice?

Oh, answering my questions. He did very good. Thank you. Keep up the good work.

Oh, hi, Sandra. Where are you going?

I'm just to the market for some groceries.

Oh, may I help?

Groceries are my favorite dish.

No, thanks, PewDiePie, but it's nice of you to offer. You are a real little

gentleman. Oh, thanks.

I learned all that polite stuff from Dad.

He's a real considerate millionaire.

Oh, a considerate millionaire. Those are two of my favorite qualities in a man.

Yeah, but I feel sorry for the poor guy.

It's lonely at the top. What do you mean?

Well, tonight me, Kimberly, and Willis are going out. That means Dad will have

to eat dinner all by himself.

Well, that isn't such a tragedy, is it? Oh, you don't know, Sandra. He's been

real depressed lately.

Is that so?

He's certainly high. it very well. Yep, that's my dad.

Laughing on the outside, but inside he's crying his guts out.

Well, I guess I just have to cancel our plans and disappoint Timber and Willis

unless... Unless what?

Unless maybe you could have dinner with Dad.

Me? Oh, no. I don't think he'd want to have dinner with the housekeeper.

Does Adelaide have dinner with your dad?

I'm going to make him feel better. Please, please, please.

Okay, okay, okay.

If you think it'll cheer him up. Thank you. Oh, and incidentally, do you know

any jokes?

Jokes? Oh, Dad loves jokes. He has some of the funniest dinners around here.

I guess I could think of a couple. Oh, thanks.

Oh, could you dance with him between courses?

Dance with him?

Yeah, it helps his indigestion. It keeps him from belching.

Oh, sure.

All the time. You should see my dad get down.

Your dad sure is a little unusual.

Well, that's because we live on the top floor. The air is very thin up here.

Well, I guess if that's what he's like.

Okay. Oh, and do you have a red dress?

Don't tell me. That's his favorite color.

Yeah, how'd you get? Oh, just a wild shot.

Oh, and could you make his favorite dessert crepes and wear a flower?

I was just about to suggest it. Thank you, Sandra.

Oh, and incidentally, don't tell Dad I told you all this, because he'd be kind

of embarrassed.

Okay, I understand. I think.

I'd do anything for you, cutie pie.

Good. Good!

Hi,

guys. You want to go roller skating with me tonight? I'm paying.

You are paying.

Willis, I think he's delirious.

I think we better say yes, Kimberly, before he discovers he's sleepwalking.

Okay, but when are my skate wheels loose?

Oh, never fear. The fix -it man is here.

Show it to him. Okay.

Thanks, Willis. Sure.

It's working, Abraham.

It's working. We might be able to get Craig to lose that away from my

Hello.

Oh, hi, Adelaide. How you doing?

Fine. How are things on the home front?

Oh, couldn't be better. No, sir, everything's just fine.

Sounds like you don't miss me at all, Arnold.

Oh, I do. My stomach's in mourning until you get back.

Well, you don't have to wait three weeks, because I'm coming home tonight.

What you talking about, Adelaide?

My sister's husband got back from his trip.

So she doesn't need me to help her anymore. I'm coming back on the next

You can't do that, Adelaide.

Why not?

Well, what I mean is, you just barely showed your face to your sister. I mean,

why come back and show it to the people who've been looking at it for years?

Arnold, tell me something.

How's Sandra doing there?

Well, don't worry. I know of another job that's open.

Good. Take it.

I mean, uh... Arnold, has your father said anything to you about my job?

Like my services are no longer required?

No, Emily.

Honest. I didn't say that.

You didn't have to. I can hear between the lines.

The old gray mare ain't what she used to be. And the young filly has moved into

the stable.

Good evening, Mr. Drummond. Good evening, Sandra.

My, don't you look lovely.

Thank you.

Red happens to be my favorite color.

My, what a coincidence.

I think that flower in your hair is a very nice touch.

Flower? Oh, yes, of course. I had forgotten I had it there.

Well, how come the table's set for two?

The kids told me they were going to eat at the roller rink. Did one of them come

back? No, but I thought rather than eat alone, you might like a little company.

Oh, you mean you.

If you don't mind.

No, no, no, no. I wouldn't mind at all.

I'd be delighted to have your company. Allow me. Thank you.

This salad is delicious.

Thank you.

Now to make a romantic.

What happened?

Well, either the circuit breaker went out or I haven't paid the electric bill.

better check.

Excuse me.

Those circuit breakers do that sometimes.

Oh, no, not again.

There must be something wrong with that breaker.

Maybe you should get them handled.

That's a good idea. I'll go and see if I can dig some out.

I wonder if Cupid had to work under these conditions.

I hope you don't mind dining by candlelight.

No, not at all.

Would you like to dance?

I beg your pardon?

Well, I always love to dance between courses.

Oh, would you like to hear another joke? No, let's dance.

a very good dancer.

Thanks. I could have made it really big, but Fred Astaire stole all my routines.

You're really very light on my feet.

My wife used to make that same bum joke.

Aha!

And I'm not surprised.

Adelaide, what are you doing here?

I didn't come to cut in.

I don't understand.

Pick up your things. What are you talking about?

If you wanted the dancer, why didn't you say so?

Can she do this?

Adelaide, what's wrong?

What in the world is bothering you? What's bothering me is this shoe and

backstabbing vamp.

Don't you dare call me a backstabbing vamp, shorty.

What kind of a man would get a little kid to do his firing?

Firing?

Where is Arnold?

Oh, I don't know. He went out for hot dogs and never came back. We lost him at

the skating rink. You locked him? Well, have you looked everywhere?

Yeah, Dad. He just disappeared.

I knew this place would fall apart without me.

Hi, everybody.

Well, I think I'm going to turn in early. Good night.

Just one minute, Arnold.

I have a few questions for you.

I'll plead the First Amendment.

the fifth.

Whichever one will save my behind.

You just start talking. I'll be the one that decides what you save.

Well, Dad, I arranged the whole thing because I thought if you and Sandra fell

in love and got married, me, Willis, and Kimberly would have a mom again.

Oh, Arnold, you know, I'm really very fond of you, but I can't be your mama.

engaged to somebody else. We're going to be married.

We are.

And I think it's all over between us.

Arnold, I know that you're disappointed, but maybe someday I'll get married

again. Yeah?

Sure, Arnold.

Well, I just hope you get a wife before I do.

They knock, they write a song. A man is born. He's a man of me.

Then along come two.

They got nothing but the cheese.

And they got...

What's up with you?

What's up with me?

Hello, I just worked three late shifts three nights in a row because you wanted

time off.

Well, you shouldn't be operating heavy machinery, man. Go get some rest.

Don't you worry about it. I'm going to curl up on that couch and watch the

Not me. I got another hot date with the twins.

Mindy and Cindy?

Oh, yeah.

Damn, sounds like things are getting serious between you three.

You know, life is good. Man's got a...

Settle down with a good woman and a sister.

Tell me, Ed, what's it like with twins?

No, no, no, no, don't tell me. Don't tell me.

Okay, tell me. No, no, wait.

Don't tell me.

All right, tell me.

It's love in stereo.

I'm jealous.

Oh, no, no, no, it gets better, man.

I go by they place, it's tag team pampering.

You know, they pour me a glass of champagne. They take turns feeding me

strawberries.

And then I serve them Eddie under glass for dinner.

You know, I'm dating the twins.

I need this protein shake more than you do.

It's gonna collect the funny bones.

It just gonna leave you alone while you sit inside your home.

I know I work out, but four times is enough.

What happened?

I don't know. You was here. You tell me.

Hey, where's our furniture?

You were here. You tell me.

I know. I wasn't sleeping that hard.

You know, they only pick you up and set you on the floor.

That explains the floating dream.

How could you let them rip us off?

I was asleep, man. It could happen to anyone. Anyone in a coma.

Usually when a burglar picks you up, you wake up.

They even stole my protein drink.

That's it, man.

Somebody just shot one of your friends.

Man,

they cleaned you out, too.

Oh, not Sammy Davis Jr.'s eye.