Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the feet of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

A man is born, he's a man of means.

Then along come two, they got nothing but their genes.

But they got different strokes to take, different strokes to take, different

strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

We don't matter that you got not a lot. So what? I'll have theirs, you'll have

yours, and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine.

Different strokes to move the world. Different strokes to move the world.

Well, this looks like a very nice room.

Do you see your teacher? No, she's probably thinking of something coming.

go home.

Hold it.

Look, this is just parents' night. It's not death row.

Same thing. Only in death row, they put you out of your misery.

If you're worried about what your teacher's going to say, you needn't. I'm

she'll have nice things to say about you.

Oh, yeah?

The last time your old bad lad seemed to smile, she dislocated her jaw.

Well, I'll try not to make her smile.

Which is your desk?

Oh, over here, in front of my pals Robbie and Dudley. They are really

guys.

You know, things really haven't changed since I was a kid.

I can remember that far back.

It was a very important time in my life. I just arrived on the Mayflower.

I wonder if I can still fit into one of these.

This desk must be smaller.

Or else the part of me that sits must be bigger.

Holy smoke.

What's this supposed to be, the Wicked Witch of the West?

No, that's my teacher.

Well, I'm sure it is not a very flattering drawing of her.

Yes, it is.

You know, it reminds me of a teacher I had when I was in grade school.

Except she had teeth like this.

She could eat a sandwich through a Venetian blind.

Hey, wait a second. She also had a big mole right on the end of her nose.

Right there.

Uh, Dad, would you like to be my teacher?

Sure, where is she? Right here.

Oh, good heavens.

Speak of the devil.

I'm Nancy Osborne, Arnold's teacher. And I'm Philip Drummond, Arnold's

embarrassed father.

Please, don't get up.

Don't worry, I can't.

Don't call the... the fire department just yet.

Arnold, you've never told me your father was such an artist.

Oh, sure. I just left my beret in the car.

I'll follow this for you, Dad.

Kids have such a distorted view of their teachers.

You mean you don't think I look like an old battle axe?

Oh, absolutely not.

I'd say you're a very attractive young battleaxe.

I assume you want to know about Arnold's work.

Who?

Oh, Arnold.

Yeah, I'm very anxious to know.

Well, he's one of my best pupils.

I'm glad to hear that.

And speaking of pupils, I'm trying to figure out what color your eyes are.

Mr. Drummond, a lot of parents are waiting to talk to me.

I don't blame them.

They're brown.

Anyway, you can be proud of Arnold.

He pays attention, and he works hard, and he's very curious.

So am I.

Is it Miss, Mrs., or Mrs.? Mr. Drummond, I don't see how that relates to Arnold.

Oh, it doesn't. It relates to me, but I'm related to Arnold.

Well, it isn't, Mrs.

Ah.

But I am involved.

Uh -oh.

In my work. Oh. And I think we'd better get back to it.

Now about Arnold.

Who?

Oh, him again.

No, really, I am interested to know how he's doing.

Well, because of his size, Arnold sometimes places too much importance on

acceptance.

Oh, but he's a delightful child.

Let me show you something he did.

Did you tell your father that me and Robbie drew that picture of those battle

acts? Of course not, Dudley. I'm no snitch. You better not be. You're not

friend anymore.

Hey, come on. I said I didn't tell.

And I wouldn't even tell if they made me eat the cafeteria food for a year.

Arnold drew this.

It shows a lot of imagination.

Yes, a lot.

What is it?

According to Arnold, it's an astronaut who's afraid to fly.

So he's taking a train to the moon.

That's what I call imagination.

Well, I have a lot of parents waiting to visit with me, but it was a pleasure

meeting you, Mr. Drummond.

Philip.

Philip. There's some things I'd like to discuss with you, Miss Osborne.

Nancy.

Nancy.

Such as?

Well, the thing I'm most concerned about is, do you have any plans for dinner

Saturday night? I know an excellent French restaurant.

Mr. Drummond, I'm sorry, but... Italian? Really, I... Chinese.

Mr. Drummond. Kosher. I'm yours.

I'll write down my phone number for you. Thank you.

What do you want with our phone number, Dad?

I'm taking Miss Osborne to dinner on Saturday night.

Miss Osborne?

What for?

Arnold, whether you believe it or not, teachers are human beings. They go out

dates, too.

I guess they meet all kinds.

At any rate, she's going out with me.

Well, I guess at your age, you have to get a date wherever you can.

That's it, Arnold.

Kimberly's been in the bathroom for an hour now.

Yeah, we're going to have to start using the John in the gas station.

Yeah, yeah, I heard you, Dad. I like taking long baths.

You know, you're going to become the world's first white prune.

for his date.

He told me to remind you all to do your homework.

We're doing it.

He really digs on your teacher, Arnold. That's their third date this week.

Yeah. She must be really something.

You know, yesterday he came home with a brand new cologne called Macho Musk.

Hey, maybe it's serious. I think it'd be kind of fun to have a school teacher in

the family.

Kimberly, all those baths must have softened your brain.

Arnold, why are you so down on your teacher?

Well, how would you feel if Dad came into your school cafeteria and had lunch

with your teacher?

Dad did that?

Right in front of all the guys.

I was so embarrassed I put mustard in my custard.

If Dad was dating my teacher, I'd be the happiest guy in school.

I wish he was dating your teacher.

I don't think he'd like Mr. Hernandez.

Don't you see, Arnold?

You get all the free...

Like your teacher will probably ask you to be room monitor.

You'll pass out papers. You'll get all the privileges.

Really? Every kid in the class is going to envy you. You're going to be Mr.

Big. I'll take big any way I can get it.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, honey.

Arnold, why are you holding your eye?

So it doesn't fall out.

What happened?

I got to play football with the guys.

get you something for that eye.

How about some raw steak?

Oh, he'll eat it.

Wow, Lorna, you're so popular now, the guys let you play football with them,

huh? Well, I didn't exactly play football.

I was the football.

What do you mean?

Well, when Dad came by to pick up Miss Osborne in the limousine, all the guys

started calling me teacher's pet, and they tried to place -kick me for a field

goal.

Oh, man.

They all gonna envy me, huh?

Well, Arnold, I'm sorry about what happened, but there's a way to fix

Now, what you gotta do now is prove to me that you're one of the guys.

How? Punch myself in the other eye?

I mean, you gotta go from teacher's pet to teacher's pest.

What about me again?

No, bug the teacher.

Whisper when her back is turned, make funny noises, throw spitballs.

That'll prove you're not her pet. It will?

That's the way to go.

Well, I'll try it, because it's real important that my friends like me.

You're not one of the guys in school. You're nothing.

Yeah, I know where you're coming from.

Yeah, without my friends, I'd have nobody to talk to, nobody to play with.

come away from school with nothing but an education.

Arnold.

Yes, Miss Osborne.

Arnold, may I see you for a minute before class starts, please?

Yes, Miss Osborne.

Teacher's pet.

Arnold, I have a faculty meeting after class.

So will you please tell your father that I'll be over for dinner at your house a

little late?

I'll take a taxi.

Are you sure you want to come to dinner?

Don't you want me to?

Oh, sure, sure.

But I gotta warn you.

We have such a terrible cook, we pray after our meals.

Well, I'll take my chances.

Besides, I'm looking forward to meeting your brother and sister.

Oh, okay.

Taking the message to your father from the teacher?

Yeah, he's going to teach his father the three R's.

Reading, writing, and romancing.

Listen, Dudley, it's nothing like that.

She just asked me to clean the erasers, and I told her to stick them on the

windshield and drive them through the car wash.

All right, class.

Let's settle down.

Now, get out your math homework, and we'll go over some of the problems on

blackboard.

I guess teachers better get out of doing homework.

I'll show you if I'm teacher's pet.

Is there something funny?

Watch this one, Dudley. It'll scare the pantyhose off of it.

to come up here and... What's this?

Who put this here?

Is it a present?

I am going to hold all of you responsible.

You know, I was going to give you this test next Friday.

But since you're all obviously so smart and know all your lessons and have

so much time to fool around, you'll take the test tomorrow.

What you talking about, Miss Osborne?

You heard me.

Tomorrow, the class will have the test.

Thanks a lot, Arnold.

Arnold. Yes, Miss Osborne.

Arnold, you be monitor. I'll be right back.

And see that no one fools around, Arnold.

I'll watch it, Miss Osborne.

I told you guys that I'm not Teach's pet.

We all get a test, and you probably won't even have to take it. Sure I will.

I'm one of you guys. Can't you see that?

No, you're not. We're never going to talk to you again.

On account of you, we're going to flunk that test.

Yeah, we're dead.

The only way it could pass is if we knew the questions.

Right. Hey, that's a great idea.

You want to be friends?

You'll get us those questions, Arnold.

Dudley, what'd you do? Eat your brains alone?

I'm not going to do that.

That's your problem. You've got it into this.

Now you get it out of it. See?

Yeah, I see.

Hey, wait a minute.

She put the test in her briefcase, right?

And she's coming over to my house for dinner straight from school in a taxi.

So she had the briefcase with her, and I get the test out.

Well, you did a very nice job on the table, girls. Girls?

You make me feel like a kid of 60 again.

Daddy, which is more romantic for a dinner, one candle or two?

With three kids at the table, we might as well have a floodlight.

Oh, romance.

I remember this dude that really lit my candle.

He was 25, I was 21, and then the war came.

Oh, was he shipped out, Adelaide? No, I was.

I wound up cooking for President Lincoln.

Isn't Willis here yet? No.

Oh, man, I've got to talk to him. It's real important.

Arnold, is there something I can help you with? Oh, no, it's not important.

But you just said it was important.

the wrong misimpression.

I'll get that. It must be Nancy.

Mr. Drummond, I'll clear the children out after dinner so you and the teacher

can work on your social studies if you catch my drift.

Nancy! Hello, Phil.

Let me take your coat. Oh, thank you.

I came straight from my faculty meeting and I'm afraid of a mess.

If you're a mess, I'll take a dozen.

I want to introduce you to my daughter. This is Kimberly, Miss Osborne. Hush.

Hello, Kimberly.

And this is our housekeeper, Adelaide Brubaker.

How do you do? Hello.

I'll go check on dinner.

The chicken sucks if I don't baste it.

You'll meet Willis later. He's not home yet.

Hello, Arnold.

Hi, Miss Osborne. May I take that for you?

No, no, it's all right. I'll take it. I'll take it. She's my teacher.

No, Arnold.

I'll take it.

Okay, you kids want to wash up for dinner? Okay. Come on, Arnold. All

Oh,

you have a lovely daughter, Phil.

I do, don't I?

She's very bright, too.

Oh, I have a little something for you.

It's to commemorate the anniversary of our first date.

It was exactly two and a half weeks ago.

Oh, what a nice thought.

What a lovely surprise. Thank you.

A tie.

Our dinner at Vincentio's.

Right. Remember you ruined your other tie when you dipped it in the linguine?

I'm sorry, Nancy. I don't have anything to give you.

Oh, typical man.

Forgets anniversary.

I'll make it up to you.

Let's see. You give a woman silver at 25th anniversary, gold at the 50th.

But what do you give for two and a half week anniversary?

Diamonds. Something tells me we're not alone.

Arnold, what are you doing under there?

Hi.

I just wanted to borrow the stapler on your desk.

I'm making a paper boat for my goldfish so he can rest when he's tired of

swimming.

Well, why didn't you just ask for it?

Oh, well, I didn't want to bother you on your anniversary.

Say, why don't you show us a view from the terrace?

It's very romantic.

Oh, that's a lovely idea, Arnold.

Yeah, you can see the moon shining on the garbage in the East River.

That's always a big turn -off.

Shall we?

What are you doing, Arnold?

Willis, where'd you come from?

Originally, 138th Street.

Come on, Willis, I gotta talk to you. About what? Okay,

Arnold. What's going on?

Well, just remember, you weren't here when I needed to talk to you about it.

Talk to me about what? Whether I should do it or not do it.

Do what or not?

It doesn't matter now, because even if I didn't want to do it, I had to do it.

And I didn't know what to do, so I did it. Because if I didn't do it, I'd be

done for.

Arnold, give me a fast replay on that.

Willis, I borrowed something from my teacher.

What?

Tomorrow's test.

Say what?

I got the whole class in trouble.

Miss Osborne is bringing this test on us tomorrow.

Arnold, you gotta be crazy to steal a test.

like me again, and it's all your fault. You told me to cut up in class.

Arnold, I told you to be a pest, not a thief.

You've never done nothing dishonest in your life. Yeah, unless you count

under the turnstile on the subway, and I can't help that.

Arnold, I'm sorry that I got you into this, and I understand why you

stole it, but if Dad found out, you'd really bring him down.

Think of that.

Hey, well, listen.

Put this test back in Miss Osborne's briefcase before she finds out it's

missing.

Well, that won't be any good, Willis.

Why not?

Because I've already seen some of the questions on the test.

Oh, no.

I guess the only honest thing to do is to tell her what I did and take my

medicine like a man.

Little brother.

Yeah, a lot of guts.

Yeah, and I hope they're not all over the living room when Dad gets through.

The view from your terrace is breathtaking, Phil.

On a clear day, you can see the Statue of Liberty getting mugged.

You're cute.

Arnold taught me everything I know.

Father him now.

Now is the perfect time, Arnold. He's got something to do with his mouth

yelling at you.

I can tell him later, like in 20 years.

Go ahead.

Uh, excuse us.

Are we interrupting anything?

Why, no.

Funny. I thought they were.

Willis, this is Miss Osborne. Willis?

Hello, Willis.

Okay, what is it, you guys?

Well, Miss Osborne, that test you were giving us tomorrow, what about it?

Well, well what?

I just stole it out of your briefcase.

What?

Here.

Arnold, I can't believe this of you.

Why did you do that?

Well, since you've been going out with Miss Osborne, all the kids have been

calling Arnold teacher's pet.

So he figured if he stole the test, he can prove to them that he wasn't.

Arnold, I am very disappointed in you.

So am I.

I'll let you down.

Oh, Phil, wait. Some of this might be my fault.

I didn't realize it.

But I guess I have been favoring Arnold since you and I met.

Arnold, I'll just have to stop favoring you or stop going out with your father.

Stop favoring the kid.

Now, Arnold, I understand that it's important to you to have your classmates

like you, but you should never let anybody pressure you into doing

that is dishonest.

You're going to punish me for this?

Yes. Oh, I hate those short answers.

You going to finish with two, Miss Osborne?

Yes. I'm going to make up a special test just for you.

That's another question I'm sorry I asked.

Dad, Miss Osborne, I'm to blame, too.

I was the one who told her I was a cut -up in class. So you're the one making

all the commotion in class?

Well, stop trying to help me.

Dinner is served, Mr. Drummond. Thank you.

I'd like to make some real goodies. French onion soup, Caesar salad, a

casserole, roast chicken, and a chocolate souffle full dessert.

That sounds marvelous.

I hope it will be.

Hey, Ben, I just thought of a good punishment for me. I'll go to bed

dinner. Angela, are you serious?

Sure.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.