Original subtitles

Hey brother.

I forgot to tell you I have a private lesson today,

I'm gonna need the space.

Yeah okay.

Yeah, just gimme five minutes.

It always starts with me

feeling like I'm falling,

feeling like I'm falling.

All right, so if you guys promise not to put that online,

then I will let you use fake blood for your next shorts.

Yes.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

All right, so up next,

when can you use animation in your work?

Some people will tell you you need to justify it

with a talking animal or some made up situation,

but that's the long boring answer.

The short fun answer is,

use it whenever you want.

Like when you can't easily find a location.

Good afternoon, Mr. Lopez.

What brings you in today.

Mr. Lopez?

Okay, well I'm just going to go ahead

with the procedure then.

Patient appears flushed and very lethargic.

Seems feverish to the touch,

but I should probably get a full read.

Do any of you guys know what a standardized patient is?

No.

-Don't think so. -What was that?

I think there was a "Seinfeld" episode about it.

What's "Seinfeld?"

I think it's a Sitcom from the nineties, multi-camera.

-What? -I know, right?

I mean if you can't get your story in one lens, then GTFO.

Look, I'm just saying that that's a story

that I might relate to you guys via animation.

Forgot to mention since this is a simulation,

ooh, you didn't need to do that.

Is he still asleep?

I thought he was just a really good actor.

Gross bro.

Yeah, I don't think you can talk about your butt

'cause we're kids.

Good point.

I play almost every case

because I could play almost every race.

Lopez today.

Smith tomorrow.

A psych's group.

Do you ever think about hurting yourself or others?

Yeah, ever since I was a little kid.

Hey, you're wearing someone else's gloves?

No, these are mine.

My name's Andy.

Andy, that's a boy's name.

No, it can be both.

It's actually short for Andrea,

but I never go by that.

Eric, dude, you gotta wake up.

Eric, dude hey, you gotta wake up.

Oh, closing time already?

Yep, you don't have to go home,

but you can't stay here.

I gotta wipe down the cars.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

You okay?

You look pretty rough.

Yeah, just had a early workshop and semi invasive case.

What is it you do again, exactly?

There?

There, I'm a standardized patient.

We go off script helping medical students

get used to encounters pretty much.

Basically we play sick.

It looks like they're getting a little method with it,

but hey, at least we don't wait tables anymore, right?

That's true.

You got a pretty sweet job here.

Okay, we can't all be super successful directors like you.

Whoa, I wasn't being shitty,

I think you actually have a cool job.

Well, you're welcome to come take over for me

whenever you like.

Just might, find this train strangely comforting.

I think you're weird, to be perfectly honest.

How do you feel about dinner, weird or?

I appreciate the offer,

but I've kind of... Got plans.

No worries.

Just figured I'd ask.

So pick you up at the same time tomorrow,

over by the reflection pool?

No.

I've got a meeting with my investors.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I just don't look forward

to having that same conversation

where I tell 'em nothing's changed.

This is like the seventh year.

I'm sure I'll be back on Thursday.

I've got cases to play all week,

but I thought I could park over here

and skate through to the medical center

then park in those parking garage

because they can be booing.

Tell me about it.

Well, I gotta wipe down Goliath,

put her in for the night, so.

All right, I'll let you get to it.

See you later, Andy.

See you, Eric.

Hey, wait.

What's up?

This is silly,

we should just be upfront about everything.

I thought you weren't into me.

Shhh.

That was before.

I've come to my senses and realized how awesome you are.

-Seriously? -Yes, seriously.

I totally want you to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me.

You know we're not in school anymore.

Then we can start making plans for prom.

We didn't even go to school together,

I met you at the restaurant.

-Where do you want me? -What?

Geez, are we gonna block this thing or what?

You're like Leon Kennedy, Jack Burton, and Link

all rolled into one and blacker.

I have no idea what-

She's tapping into your nerd fantasies idiot.

Richard?

Duh, it was kind of obvious that's what she's doing.

You know, your writing

doesn't exactly smack of subtlety, Eric.

Subtle or not,

I want to know when we can start seeing some returns Eric.

Can you tell me where we stand?

Where do we stand, Eric?

Where do I need to stand?

Where do we stand, Eric?

What about my returns, returns, returns, returns?

Yep, here we go,

seen this a billion times.

On the nose.

We are gonna talk about returns or what, Eric?

Returns, Eric.

Oh, come on. You can't just riff on this.

Pan up to a light

and let it blow out the exposure or something, geez.

Maybe watch a French film once in a while.

Don't listen to them, Eric.

Frame a closeup of your hand in my hair.

Nice contrast, racial subtext.

You'll do that because you're a genius.

Really, returns.

Eric.

Oh yeah.

So here's the timeline

of how we're looking on those projects.

Every year is the same dance, isn't it?

Eric, I just want to know about the returns.

What are we looking at?

Why haven't we gotten paid yet?

Well, I mean, we just sold some foreign deals

on "Tenta-Kill"

and there's a couple markets coming up for that

and "Murder Mind."

What?

Shit, I'm out again, aren't I?

Yeah, it's getting pretty bad.

Listen, let's get down to business, shall we?

Rich here, he doesn't really care about

your pathetic little spreadsheets, all right.

Rich wants results.

I'm trying, man,

this shit is hard to make work.

It's not like the VHS boom in the 80s.

Yeah, but like you do have movies out there

that people are buying.

Yeah, but all the money's

not just coming right back to me.

Who's it going to then?

Martin, what are you doing here?

It's how dreams work, homie.

Yeah, but I haven't thought about you in,

shit, 10 years.

Actually, you searched for me on Facebook nine months ago.

You totally did.

Kind of creepy.

Oh shit, yeah, I forgot about that.

Not entirely, obviously.

You see, since I'm collateral damage

from your nervous breakdown in college,

I'm the part of you that means you're just two steps away

from losing your shit,

which is why I am here

as you try to convince Rich

that you didn't just waste his 200 grand investment.

Oh, I've seen the films,

consider it wasted, Rich.

So what does that make you then?

Oh, your frustration you silly goose.

I mean, think about it,

aside from your bullshit here,

what frustrates you the most

about your beloved genre of choice?

Zombie movies.

Zombie movies, yes.

And comedy war?

And I am quite cheeky.

Well, what's left of it anyway.

Why are you so white?

Why is he black?

Because he's black in real life.

The fuck you mean in real life?

Wow.

Look, I don't wanna do a race thing,

we're not doing a race thing.

Oh, I think somewhere on some level

you want to do a race thing.

Look, these spells don't last long,

we should probably wake 'em up.

Agreed, toss it.

Seriously, Eric?

Or are you just faking it to avoid the awful truth?

I'm sorry, Rich.

It's just that,

lately I've just been feeling kinda weird.

Yeah, you look fucking terrible.

I can understand why though,

it looks like this whole thing was a bust.

The last several years, the investment.

We're not ever gonna see any of that, are we?

I mean, it's not necessarily true,

we did make three movies.

One of which is still unfinished.

Yeah, but it's in post.

It won't be that much longer.

And the other two got good distribution.

Your good and my good are apparently out of alignment.

I have seen no money come back this way.

Well, I mean that can change

and at least it got me some exposure.

Try paying your bills with that.

Look, why haven't you leveraged this viral video craze?

Kids shooting on their phones

are becoming the new taste makers.

Or they're sitting in front of their laptops 23 hours a day

turning out animation concepts.

This is the stuff that's making a profit.

Or hell make a musical,

even that seems hot again,

not this naval gazing,

self-important genre crap.

No disrespect intended, of course.

Yeah, none taken, I guess.

Look, I honestly feel like if we're moving forward at all,

it's going really, really slowly.

Yeah, it sure is.

I prepared some projections.

Why don't you do what those guys are doing

over at Adult Swim.

Hey man, you up yet?

Hey Becky, this is Eric.

Just calling to see if you got my last few emails and calls

about the status of "Tenta-Kill."

She's overseas.

Just wondering where we're at

with those deals that were pending

and whether or not you need anything further from me.

Just met with my investor and he'd like an update too,

so anything you can tell us would be great.

Thanks, Becky.

Won't hold my breath on that one.

Hey Steve, this is Eric.

Just calling to see if you got my last few emails and calls

about the status of "Murder Mind" sales,

just wondering where we're at with those deals

that were pending

and see if there's anything else you needed from me.

Just met with my investor and he'd like an update too

so anything you could tell us would be great.

Thanks Steve.

I only wrote and directed the fucker, so you know,

feel free to keep me in the loop.

Oh fuck.

Hey Sarah, how's it going?

Good, and you?

Oh, you know, living the dream.

Aren't we all?

So I read your script and I sent it in to Brian

and we love the writing style.

Oh, that's awesome.

Have you heard his new single?

Let me screen share this promo.

We are back

with the latest single from Brian Turner,

already rocketing to the top of the charts.

If you loved his previous hits,

"Sex Face," and "Sex Paint."

♪ Sex face, you're in the right place ♪

♪ Sex face, don't let it go to waste ♪

You're gonna love this new one.

Here it is, just in time for the Halloween season.

"Sex Mummy" from Brian Turner.

♪ Girl I'm all wrapped up in you ♪

♪ With bandages and some glue ♪

♪ Have me on I'm a sex mummy ♪

♪ Ma, ma, mummy ♪

♪ Ma, ma, mummy ♪

♪ Ma, ma, mummy ♪

I love it, it's so catchy.

He's actually joining us.

Let me bring him into the call.

Oh, that's awesome.

Hey there Eric.

Yeah, definitely love the material

and sorry, a little sweaty from rehearsal,

but do want to talk a little bit more about it.

Well, I mean, thank you, I appreciate it.

Yeah, absolutely man,

and trust me, I read a lot of this crap,

but I really, I vibe with this.

Yeah, it's definitely good.

But unfortunately we're currently looking for material

that's more of a one location,

three or four character vein,

you know, high concept.

Hmm, gotcha.

Also, most of the films we're putting out now

were made for very little

but look like they cost a lot more.

The emphasis on the human conflict really helps with that.

Oh, and first person POV,

that stuff still sells really well.

Also, I'm not really sure about the lead

being an African American guy.

I mean, I think that's just gonna make it

like way harder to package.

What if we put Brian in the lead

and then we retool the other character to be like,

I don't know, more like urban hip.

Yeah, I don't know about all of that.

That's a good note, Sarah.

And first of all,

I actually got that other script from you as well,

the comedic one,

I can pass that on to one of my animators

and he's actually in here right now.

Todd, are you... Hello Eric.

Hey Todd.

I'm great, hi Eric,

so here are my thoughts.

I don't think what you have here

is quite ready for animation.

Right yeah, I'm pretty sure I just thought that-

The thing is, is you need to ask yourself

what exactly has to be animated.

Like do you have a talking dog,

or adventures in space or something.

What about just a compelling human story?

Unless you're willing to animate it yourself

or willing to get rough work from newbies, probably not.

All right.

Got you, well, thanks for the honesty

and thanks Brian for showing Todd.

Yeah man, hey, absolutely,

we'll work together man, somehow.

Give me a talking dog and you're on.

A talking dog trapped in a room

with three other talking dogs

with an unseen tormentor.

Oh, if it's found footage,

it's even better.

Ooh, a couple of music numbers couldn't hurt.

Right, got it.

Yeah, yeah, I'll see what I can do.

No problem, talk soon.

So Brian, tell me about this new album title,

"The Ineptrechaun"

like what the hell is that?

Literally, I was just coming off of working on that,

that's why I'm so sweaty,

but we were killing it, it's-

Good work guys.

Thank you for teaching us

how to use the green screen effect.

Of course, that's what I'm here for.

I can't wait to be a real director like you.

What do you mean?

What do you think you're doing now?

You are a director.

No, I mean like you,

you're rich, right?

No dummy.

If he was so rich, he wouldn't be here.

Oh.

Hey, how come you smell like pizza?

All right, back to work.

You guys are running outta time.

Keep up with the jokes

and I won't let you guys use my prop guns

for your high spills.

Well, can we still use your cameras?

I mean you have cameras here.

Yeah, but your stuff is way nicer.

Unfortunately, someone's using mine today,

for like a month hopefully.

But I'm sure you've got some good stuff.

I guess.

Hey, took you long enough.

I mean, it's not like I knew you were gonna be here.

Well your roommate said that he didn't know

when you'd be back.

He also offered me a free class,

whatever that means.

Yeah, sorry, had to find somewhere quick, remember?

Why are you here anyway?

I got something for you.

It's cute and furry.

Nope.

Bad idea, Michelle.

We gotta stop doing that.

Not that dip shit, this.

Oh my goodness.

I would rather actually have

emotionally damaging sex, Michelle.

What, you said you wanted a cat?

Yeah, when we were together

and things were somewhat stable.

Your definition of stable differs greatly from mine.

What?

It's like you guys all have the same writer or something?

-What? -Nothing.

I had a weird day.

At any rate, there's no way I could take care of this cat.

I could barely take care of myself right now.

Why don't you just keep it?

Because I have stuff going on.

And besides Skip is allergic,

-Skip? -Just some guy.

Of course, sounds like a tool.

Jealous?

Yes, I am actually,

of his still cat free existence.

Sounds like you're committing.

No, that's not what I was saying.

Come on, let's go inside.

I dunno, what's wrong with me.

Us.

What's wrong with us.

Selfishness.

It's all this is.

We have to start thinking of the feelings of others.

Oh yeah, we?

Thank you for not having one of your spells this time.

That's only happened like once.

More like-

Okay, maybe one and a half times tops.

You do look a little sick

and you feel feverish.

I actually don't think that you're making it up this time.

Come on Michelle,

why would I do that?

Sympathy sex.

Is that what this is?

I have no idea what this is,

but I should probably get going.

I hope you didn't give me whatever it is you have.

I talked to Brian Turner today.

For real?

-Yeah. -And?

Just the same old shit.

That he likes my stuff

but nothing solid beyond that.

Well still. that alone is pretty exciting.

Yeah, but how many times

we're gonna have the same conversation

about other people and other projects.

It all sounds exciting and mind blowing until it evaporates.

He's right, we'll talk later.

I have to set something up.

Have you thought about puppets?

What?

Maybe using puppets.

It's cheaper and you don't have to worry about

everybody's BS.

Then I'd have to deal with puppeteers BS.

I just thought it'd be a nice way to get around the whole

being a broke loser thing,

to do something, shoot something again.

Who the fuck works with puppets anyway?

I mean, it's kind of pathetic, don't you think?

What would you call this?

Look, I am rehearsing a show right now

with some felt friendly elements

and that's what gave me the idea.

-But never mind. -Wait.

First of all, I'm sorry,

and I appreciate it.

Second, I kinda have a favor to ask.

Okay?

I need you to go to this birthday party with me.

It's a family thing-

And you haven't told them yet?

No, I have not.

I can't blame you,

it's kind of a gray area.

Yeah, to say the least.

When?

Saturday.

Shit, that's tough.

But yeah, I can move some things around.

On one condition.

It always starts with me

feeling like I'm falling, falling.

What?

Woo, woo.

Jesus dude, you got some stuff to work out.

Come on. It is not that bad.

All aboard.

Okay, maybe I have some demons.

I didn't mean me, I meant you.

Okay, let's make him naked.

Can't do that, gotta pay for more nudity,

then you would owe me this much with interest.

Not even seating it in clunky metaphors anymore, I see.

I'm pretty sure those are my sheets.

Dammit, Martin, I didn't take your sheets.

I barely got all of my stuff out of the apartment.

Because of your nervous breakdown, right?

Heard it all before.

You got that money you owe me for breaking the lease yet?

He does not.

What a surprise?

No shit, look at this makeup,

bargain basement work.

Don't listen to them baby,

give it to me.

Why are you guys even here?

To make sure you perform.

What?

You have to admit,

your performance has been nil up to this point.

That's not fair. I worked my ass off.

Oh yeah, oh yeah baby,

I want you to work my ass off.

Work my ass off so hard.

Oh man, I get your drift zombie guy.

Told you.

How could he hack, hack, hack.

Come on Eric, you know you want this

and I want your big black-

Hold up girl.

Okay, okay.

Are you about to say big black me?

No, cut, cut.

Hold on, hold on, what's the problem?

I don't think you can say that.

He's half black like me.

Yeah, I don't think you can say it either.

Oh, come on.

Wait, hold up.

You guys, what do you guys think?

Can he say it?

-No. -Come on.

All right, so that's fine.

We cut on the word,

they hear it in movie world, we don't.

Moving on, we'll go up to the next setup, okay?

So let's set up for the next scene.

Go ahead and get in position.

You guys get set,

ma'am we'll come get you when we need you.

Thank you very much.

Jesus fucking Christ.

And action.

Did I just... Yes you did, brother.

Is he black enough to say that?

We get it, still rolling.

Do you need a moment, brother?

No, no, no, I just, I have a-

I'm sold this dude crazy.

That's what we need up in here

is some stream of consciousness, Boone Newal shit.

It's Boone Weld.

Reign it in a little bit, Swerve.

Okay.

Swerve?

He's my cousin, my play cousin.

But back to the discussion at hand, brother Eric,

listen, we like your material,

but we have a few inquiries.

Brother Rasheed.

Thank you brother Malik.

Now brother Eric, we're definitely interested in

considering leveraging a partnership with you.

We feel like your work is just the type of thing we need

to inject some life into our network.

That being said-

Where are all the black people at?

Excuse me?

Don't worry, I got your back Eric.

Angelo, what are you doing here?

Man, let's just say I'm your backup.

Or your black up.

Hey, hey, hey.

See, see,

this dude crazy.

Straight up twin peaking up in here.

So you guys aren't seeing

or hearing this man?

No, brother.

And who is it you're seeing exactly?

Apparently the lead singer of my favorite band.

Who is Angelo Moore?

♪ Pick it up, pick it up ♪

Angelo Carmen Christopher Moore

is an American musician,

best known for his work as lead singer and saxophonist

for The Los Angeles Ska and funk metal band Fishbone.

Moore also performs and records under the stage name

Dr. Madd Vibe.

♪ You got all you need ♪

♪ Don't be scared it's all at your feet ♪

Man, text me the number of your dealer.

Calm down, Swerve.

Back to what you were saying a moment ago, brother Rasheed.

Brother Eric, now the quality of your work is good

and we definitely love this sitcom pitch,

but we're just concerned that

it might not send the right message.

What message exactly?

Yeah, what message?

Empowerment, for one.

I mean, most of the cast you've attached,

they're all white.

No, no, there's four white people,

two black guys,

an Asian guy,

and two gays-

Lemme stop you right there, brother.

I just want you to understand what we are trying to do here.

We're trying to send a positive message to our people.

Positive message, yeah right?

You think all that ass

is gonna keep your kids off the street?

With all due respect,

this is ridiculous.

I mean, I'm half black.

Yeah, we gonna have to work on that too.

Oh, I got that, Lester.

Malik, it's Malik.

If I'm gonna call you curve or speed bump, or whatever,

then you can call me Malik.

And you don't got that.

You barely got yourself.

What do you mean work on it?

Like, what is there to work on?

Our demographic is black,

and well, truth be told,

you're just black-ish.

Nope, nope.

Can't say that my brother.

I forgot, my mistake.

Eric, you are just sort of black.

Diet black.

Is that better?

Man, that's fucked up right there.

We can use it.

Work with it, we'll, spin it you know.

You are our invasive exotic son.

You need to tell these guys to suck it, man.

That's some bullshit right there.

I agree.

Who are you talking to, my brother?

Who indeed.

Look brothers, no disrespect,

but I think I should take my project

and go a different way with it.

Now hold on, my brother,

work with us on this and we can definitely get you paid.

Hold on man, just pause.

Pause for information.

Oh yeah?

Definitely.

Get you that paper, son.

Is this fucking guy for real over here, man?

What I was saying is,

we can definitely find some money in this for you.

And what are the terms?

Well, for this season,

we're thinking we can get a pretty sizable advance

via syndication.

Now, based on what you've shown us thus far,

we're thinking we can get 50,000 up front.

Whoa.

To be split between us.

So... And then after that,

we're thinking we can offer you roughly $3,000.

What about my crew?

3,000 as well.

Man, let me throw this sax at the man.

Hold on, hold on.

So what you're saying is 6,000 total for everything

and then you guys split 50,000.

-No, you misunderstanding. -Okay. I was hoping so.

It's 3,000 total for you and them.

Man, Eric, you don't need this bullshit.

What do you think?

I think I'm gonna take my project.

Thanks Swerve.

And I'll see myself to the door.

Good call Eric, good call.

Damn, this booty video was still on?

Now hold on my brother,

we just wanna make sure that you realize

what we are trying to do here.

Well, I think I understand

what you're trying to do already.

No, thank you.

So you'd rather deliver pizzas the rest of your life?

At least they don't pay me slave wages, brothers.

Oh, snap.

Shut up, Clarence.

Damn it's like you got the same butt on the loop.

Well, Eric, as your lawyer, I have to say

you're pretty wise to walk away from that deal.

I appreciate that.

And I'll try reaching out to your distributors

to see if they have any good news for you.

And I'll get these registered for you.

I'll put it on your tab, again.

I am curious though,

what's up with all these white girls?

Yeah.

I'm looking through the script.

White girls, white girls, white girls.

I mean, are they magical or something?

And they're rescuing you,

is that what you're saying?

No, that's just how it happened.

They're based on real people and-

No, I think you should base some of these

off of real sisters like me.

You know the one that's been doing your pro bono work

for your ass.

I bet you're probably gonna run off

for some white girl quality time

right after this, aren't you?

No.

What's next?

Yeah, I didn't really want to tell anybody about it,

it's kind of embarrassing.

I drive a miniature train full of kids, dude.

Yeah, it's just,

I don't wanna have that conversation with anyone.

Kicking myself for not making a decision in the past

or torturing myself for making the wrong choice, at least.

All aboard the wrong choice express.

God damn.

You know the confessional webcam thing

is like really boring me to death, again.

You're doing it to yourself, you know?

Am I eating too much junk food, Martin?

Is that the point that you slash me

is trying to get across?

Here, take this.

-Wait, what's all this about? -I think you know Eric.

Oh shit, this isn't what I think it is, is it?

One day filmmaker Eric Linson boarded a.

God, what would you call this thing?

A, oh, I know.

One day filmmaker Eric Linson boarded a kiddy train

with yet another woman that he's pining for.

Some might call it stalking,

but anyway, I digress.

While still entangled in a messy relationship

with another woman.

Both facets are ascending at a rapid pace-

And then they disappeared forever.

This is their footage.

This is their footage, got it.

Maybe I can sell this one.

I hope spring's eternal.

What the hell man?

You know, when in Rome.

Anyway, look, here we are,

the first stop on the train of consequences.

Still on the nose, if you ask me.

You're the one that said it.

Oh, we're in your head, dude.

Hey buddy, how's it going?

Great, I have to deal with this again?

-Which is what exactly? -Shouldn't you know?

Hey man, my presence has been echoes for a while.

You screwed me over a decade ago.

You know what, you are right about that.

There's definitely some memory segregation going on here.

But Martin, listen, I want you to meet Jason Altor,

he is the first producer

of Eric's previous film, "Murder Mind."

What about those guys over there?

Wait, are they about to cut his clothes off?

That's my biggest fear.

Let's make him naked.

Exposure alert, Martin.

Anyway, don't worry about that right now.

Right Eric, follow me over here.

We've just screened the film,

-we have a few notes. -Who's we?

We already agreed on a final cut

and I cut out the 33 minutes that they asked for.

Yeah, but the studio wants to shave

just a couple more minutes off.

So I figured I'd show it to these guys

and see what they thought.

What, why would you do that?

Hey buddy, don't take it personal.

We just wanna make the best possible movie here.

Again, your use of "we" is very disconcerting.

I definitely enjoy the film's enthusiasm.

I think it has a lot of heart.

However, I think you'd benefit more

from a non-linear approach.

What you need to do is mix up the order of the scenes

and create more flashbacks.

But it all happens over the course of a few hours.

If you ask me. It seems kind of silly.

Who is your protagonist favorite band?

-What? -Exactly.

You need to know these things.

I think you think his favorite band is the Rolling Stones,

but in actuality it's the Beatles.

Furthermore, you need to make the mother sympathetic.

That that makes no sense.

She can't be sympathetic,

she's kind of the villain.

Yeah, nothing a little editing can't fix.

Just a few tweaks.

Exactly.

Make her sympathetic,

then give her a disease.

What?

Eh, she needs to be sick somehow.

Really bring attention to the human condition, you know.

I'm thinking fibromyalgia.

Oh, that's good.

But she can't really get treatment.

Because she's an illegal immigrant

who only came here to give her son a better life.

-Perfect. -Nice.

I love where this is going, guys.

Great stuff, very compelling.

See, I told you they were geniuses.

So, so talented.

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have my hands full

with all these thinly veiled references.

Libel is real, Eric.

Come on, I'm changing their names.

Whatever genius.

Get on back to your stupid zombie drink train.

-Is that Angelo? -It is, apparently.

I haven't thought about those guys in a while.

You know, you turned me on to that band.

Remember we saw them at the Liberty lunch

before you sold me out.

Anyway, I associate them with you

so no way am I busting out those records.

I know, I know, Martin,

I get it, I fucked you over and I'm sorry.

Apparently Karma's paying me back now.

So why is he here then?

I'm just along for the ride too, bud, okay.

Speaking of which, I believe these guys are next.

Eric, come on in,

I've got some key art mock up to show you.

What are you waiting for, Eric?

Train of consequences, remember?

But this all happened

before this stuff with Jason and-

See what I mean, shake up the timeline.

Everything is just going in reverse,

that's kind of been done before.

I prefer a more Burrows-esque approach.

So I find this reminiscent of early Cassavetes.

Now you're just making shit up.

I like that, that was real,

you created a moment there.

Okay, sit down, I've got some stuff to show you.

We're getting ready for the market.

Oh, this is gonna be good

Eric, if you don't pay your rent on time,

this is gonna be you.

So what we've decided that we need to do

is capitalize on that huge film that just came out.

What was it?

What was it?

Oh, the one with the zombies?

No way, zombies are over, over and done, next?

No, the one with the,

what do they call it?

The real footage one?

Found footage you mean?

Yeah, like the movie they just did with your lead actress.

What was that called?

"First Person," because it was all in first person,

which was lame.

Well it obviously wasn't that lame.

Shut up.

You're the one that's contextualizing it this way,

that's all I'm saying.

So based on the numbers that "First Person" saw,

and the fact that your lead actress is in it,

here's what we've come up with for your film.

Okay, here is the original you brought to us.

Which I like.

Eh, it doesn't pop, it's too abstract.

It tells me nothing about the film.

Have you ever seen the poster for "Vertigo?"

I'm sorry,

are you literally implying that

you are on the same level as Hitchcock?

No, not at all.

I'm just saying that that's an example

of abstraction that works.

Oh yeah, it works when you're Hitchcock,

which you're not.

Bam, what do you think?

Seriously?

There's not even any of the POV stuff in the film.

It doesn't matter.

Selling a concept,

a concept directly tied to your lead actress's last film.

I don't know.

Yeah, it seems kind of slimy,

like a money grab.

It is a money grab.

Haven't you been paying attention?

On that note, here is an alternate version we came up with

to really cash in on the first person heat.

-Wow. -I know, right?

You know, it could use some zombies though.

There's no zombies in the film

or any of that other stuff.

And the name, I mean, come on.

On the nose.

We tested first Person,

but it didn't do too well in the 18 to 35 demo.

What do they know anyway, right?

It's certainly more than the 30 to 45 demographic,

that's for sure.

-Am I right? -You're right.

What?

Oh, we'll be in touch.

But I mean, which one are we using?

Eh, probably the second one.

I just called you in to fulfill our contractually obligated

consultation clause.

But... Oh Eric,

don't waste your time on this.

Besides, we gotta get back to the beginning

before you wake up.

Don't forget that we need you to cut us a new trailer

for free.

Oh, we're on it boss man, don't you worry.

Come on bitch.

Money, money, money.

Hey guys, I'm really loving this first person POV thing

you've got going on here.

We can definitely sell this one in Micronesia, Bulgaria,

and the Galapagos Islands,

maybe Guam.

Ooh Guam.

And did I hear you right, ZG?

Are we currently in the process

of setting up a musical number?

Damn straight.

I mean don't you hear that musical motif

fading up in the background?

Ooh, can I get in on that?

Sure.

Let's just get him over to that editing bay

so we can get that trailer finished for you.

Wonderful.

I mean, the musical thing is really less about

whether or not I'll buy the movie,

and more about me trying to reactivate dreams

I gave up on years ago.

Regardless, I already have some notes.

Yes, of course you do.

Now listen, genius,

get over there and do the grunt work while we shine.

Here we go, rough work from newbies.

♪ Cuing up one more low budget indie ♪

♪ Resume's in and I hope that they pick me ♪

♪ There's interest from networks and stars ♪

♪ There's line items for cocaine and bars ♪

♪ The script is solid and the lights are all green ♪

♪ Flexibly funded, if you know what I mean ♪

♪ What does she mean ♪

♪ Don't make a scene ♪

♪ That's how you know ♪

♪ That's how you know, oh, oh ♪

♪ That's how you know ♪ -Michelle?

♪ That's how you know ♪

♪ Shit show ♪

♪ You're on a shit show ♪

♪ Shit show ♪

♪ You're on a shit show ♪

♪ And now you're cutting the scene with notes from producers ♪

♪ Who keep telling you ♪

♪ You're a no talent loser. ♪

♪ How long can you strangle a dream before it dies ♪

♪ But you know it always helps to have a fresh set of eyes ♪

♪ This may have started as your vision ♪

♪ But now it's one big circle ♪

♪ Now hurry up and explore this and get back to work ♪

♪ Make it more like clerks ♪

♪ That's how you know ♪

♪ That's how you know ♪

♪ That's how you know ♪

♪ That's how you know ♪

♪ Shit show ♪

♪ You're on a shit show ♪

♪ Shit show ♪

♪ You're on a shit show ♪

♪ Man I don't like these notes that you gave me ♪

♪ These changes are obvious and lazy ♪

♪ You got me selling trucks while making layers ♪

♪ Black face doesn't have to be makeup ♪

♪ It just sound like I'm whining and complaining ♪

♪ But over years this shit gets draining ♪

♪ Got me questioning all my life choices ♪

♪ Maybe I should just listen to the voices ♪

♪ Shit show ♪

♪ Shit show ♪

♪ Shit show ♪

♪ Now you know ♪

Eric, you need to leave right now.

This is just a prop gun for my kids at camp.

That makes it sound even worse.

I can't believe you've come down here

and do this while I'm working.

Do what?

One minute I'm relaxing and the next minute-

Relaxing?

Right, you need to stop before you hurt someone else

since you obviously don't care about yourself.

They've already called the cops so you need to get out.

Cops, fuck.

Eric, leave now.

I need to be at work in 10 minutes.

Go.

Yeah, yeah, that'll be about 30 to 45 minutes.

All right, thanks.

Eric, I need to talk to you.

Oh yeah, all right,

just tell him I don't want any trouble.

-What? -Huh?

Yeah, I was just gonna ask you

to pick me up some smokes on your way back

from this delivery.

You okay man?

Yeah, yeah, just, I got a lot going on.

Gotcha.

So look, here's the cash.

Go ahead and pick me up energy drink.

Big one, not one of those little baby ones, okay.

Got it.

Smokes and a big energy drink.

Yeah, yeah.

I gotta go to the bathroom,

just come get me when the order's ready.

All right.

Wake up man, not right now.

Yeah.

Hey man, order's up.

All right, I'll be right out.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck.

Come on man, I gotta drop that off.

Oh, will you calm down?

You're just hallucinating.

What brings up an interesting sidebar,

should you really be driving right now?

I don't really have a choice.

All right bud, whatever suits you.

You know that was a stop sign?

Hi pizza guy.

Hey, how's it going?

I see you got,

hey you got.

This might be it honey,

it's gonna be the break you need.

What Michelle?

These guys again?

Okay, inside baseball, catch me up here.

They also don't know these guys.

The guys from Chicago.

They produced "Witch Pyre,"

I don't know why they keep popping up.

Because we believe in you buddy.

And we have another film that we're trying to knock out

around the same time.

So we're trusting you

to do this "Witch Pyre" sequel for us

while we take a production credit hands off.

Because we think you are a genius.

Pure genius.

But they think you're a genius Eric.

No they don't, they think I'm a mark.

He said with the benefit of hindsight.

At the time you and your ego

totally bought into all of this.

Man, this deep dish pizza is no joke.

-Now who's on the nose? -Fair point.

But I'm still an extension of you, so.

So basically we've written the script,

we just need you to do all the production work.

-And front the budget. -Yeah, front the budget too.

-And here my troubles begin. -Tell me about it.

This is so exciting.

It was at the time.

I used to make fun of those films as a kid

and here I got to do part 14.

Man, I really thought that this would lead to something.

Something other than a big money fight,

burned bridges and narrowly avoided lawsuits?

And name calling, lots of that.

How could I forget,

you fucking hack.

So we've got all the previous films in the series

here for you to watch.

I'm gonna be honest,

it's probably going to be tough.

It got to the point where we were daring each other

to finish them.

Now I remember why I like these guys in the first place.

So yeah, we can't wait to see what to do with it.

And we promised to pay you as

That should have been a red flag.

That didn't really happen when all this happened,

artistic license.

Oh yeah, right, excuse me, Kurosawa.

You know why all this went wrong, don't you?

Karma.

For what?

For you treating me like shit.

For you treating all of us like shit.

We are so totally enjoying this.

Enjoying what?

Enjoying what a joke your life has become.

That's kind of harsh.

Is it Pizza Boy?

Oh, I'm sure you have numerous projects

in varying stages of development.

Remember that time you saw my mother

while you're in the library and a break from work?

Hey, they have free WiFi.

And you were working on a script

in your little pizza shirt.

How cute, loser.

And what's with continuing to pursue me

when I clearly am not interested.

Sorry, I just like talking to you.

Why are you here anyway?

We never dated.

Wait, you don't have any interest at all?

You wish, creep.

You treat me like we are dating

so I have the same type of Eric Linson related PTSD

as all these other girls.

Okay, I get it, I'm toxic.

Why are you all socks?

Is she a paper bag?

Budget restrictions dummy.

Don't even get me started.

So who's the cougar?

Anyone home?

Yeah geez, it's fine bro what are you doing?

I don't know, I just see that on TV all the time

and when I play a doctor they make me do it.

So I figure it can't hurt.

You play?

Oh shit, you're Liz Black.

Guilty.

And you are Eric Linson,

director of "Witch Pyre 14" and other amazing titles.

Yeah, actually how'd you know that?

Well, you puked, then you passed out,

then you started talking about like Chicago,

old girlfriends, "Witch Pyre", and socks.

So "Witch Pyre" thing got me curious and so did the socks.

Yeah, you were in part three with the-

Nope, I'm in part 11

with the clown succubus.

So I figured, well let me Google the guy.

So I see that we are part of the same family of pain.

We are bad movie siblings.

Yeah, the world's a crazy place.

Yes it is.

And so the film business must be very slow right now.

Yeah, that's basically the situation.

-How you feeling? -What?

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I should probably get going.

How long was I out for?

Only about 10 minutes, I think.

You are still well within the 30 to 45 minute zone.

Just relax.

Wait, is this?

A dream, no.

I'm just saying that you should relax, take it easy,

catch your breath.

Do you want something to drink?

I mean you still must be tasting that puke in your mouth.

Yeah, it's gross.

Yep, water's fine.

If you bring me something I can take care of that.

Nope, already done.

All cleaned up, no worries.

Here, I'd offer you some pizza

but probably not feeling that right now.

I'm definitely not feeling that right now,

I just cleaned up all of your lunch.

Yeah, it was fast food garbage.

Oh yeah, you don't have to tell me what was in it.

And by the way, I wanna commend you

on your choice of cheese.

It seems like you're doing pretty well over here.

You still acting?

Yeah, well I'm doing like a lot of

animation voice over stuff, you know,

it pays pretty good.

You know I do it right here,

don't have to leave the house.

So no movies or anything right now?

Yeah, I mean there's a few,

they haven't been finished.

I mean they're sort of in the process.

I mean the last thing that I did

was this Bates Motel rip off.

It is so bad, I hate it.

Hope it never comes out,

but it probably will,

they're just editing still.

I mean, you know how that goes, right?

Yeah.

So what do you got in the works in the pipeline?

I got a few projects that I'm trying to put together.

But based off the lack of resounding success

for my last few projects,

it's kinda hard to break through that wall, you know?

This isn't easy stuff.

I mean, you have to keep going.

Never give up, promise me that.

Yeah, I mean it's just hard.

Especially when I'm delivering pizzas and playing sick.

Well you weren't playing sick for one,

you were actually sick.

Well, I mean I'm a standardized patient

for the med school.

Right, well I've done that gig too.

I've done many gigs,

never be ashamed of having a job.

Yeah, right now it's complicated.

Fair enough.

Anyway, I should probably get outta here.

Yep, we're coming up on the 45 minute mark right now.

Are you feeling okay?

Yeah, I think so.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I have to pay you.

Oh no, it's on the house.

No, it's not on the house 'cause I know what that means,

it means you're gonna pay for it and you're not.

Just take this.

Thank you.

Have a good night, Eric.

-You too, Liz. -Elizabeth.

My friends call me that.

Liz is for work.

Oh, take my business card.

Has my email on it and my phone number.

Call anytime you want or text.

Seriously, thank you.

No problem, Pepto Bismol helps and no dick pics, okay.

No dick pics, got it.

Hey, sorry I got... Yeah, no worries.

The delivery called and said you got blocked in

by some jerk in the semi

and you got the drinks too, my man.

Hey, did the cops show up looking for me?

The cops?

Man, get the fuck outta here with that delivery,

it's almost in the red.

It just sucks, Michelle.

It just, it really, really sucks,

especially in the-

-Hi. -Hey guys.

-Summer. -Why is that?

Those decorations look kind of weird.

Those look like kids' decorations.

Mercedes SUV and shoe polish,

and their parents throw them these pool parties.

I'm the 30 something schmuck

delivering their fucking pizzas.

It just makes me feel even more like a fuck up.

And what's worse is I had the chance,

I got to the point where I made all these films

and yet still here I am with your extra cheese,

extra pepperoni, Cameron.

Who's Camryn?

She's the fictional rich girl with the pool party.

It's a girl and she's rich.

So she probably spells it all weird, huh?

Let me see.

C-A-M-R-Y-N.

Exactly.

Look Eric,

I know that we have not been super tight lately.

-Oh, we haven't? -Not, you know what I mean.

Anyway, is there something that I'm missing?

Why are we even here?

Why are you even here?

Well, every now and then

I get the weird urge to reconnect,

start over, rebuild.

I don't know.

I'm just in a weird place right now

and my aunt reached out to me

and she was pretty cool about it all

and she basically apologized for not really stepping in

whenever I was younger.

With everything else in the shitter,

I could really use a support system.

And they think that we're still together?

Yep.

Speaking of still being together,

you should probably put this back.

You kept it?

-I did. -Didn't you pawn?

Pretty much everything else, yes.

Why do you care?

About what they think, I mean?

You can't show weakness,

they thrive on it.

But you hardly ever see these people.

It's just easier for me, all right.

Can you please just do this one thing for me?

We had a deal.

How's the cat?

Dr. Peter Vinkman, you mean?

I'm sorry, how is Dr. Peter Vinkman?

He's fine.

I think he's starting to develop

some abandonment issues though.

Are we still talking about the cat?

Dr. Peter Vinkman.

Hi guys, thanks for coming.

I'm sorry about the weather.

Michael is so happy to see you guys.

Hey Michelle, you remember my Aunt Lori, right?

I think you guys met maybe once or twice.

Oh yeah, at the movie premiere thing, right?

Yeah, and oh and Thanksgiving.

That, yeah, that was it.

So how did Michael like his gift?

Oh yeah, he is super into jujitsu right now,

so he was very excited.

We got him a cool patch for his gear.

Oh, okay cool.

I am sorry I couldn't go with you to buy that.

We were gonna come over and watch the gifts and stuff,

but we kinda started talking.

Oh no, it's fine.

So are you guys doing okay?

Yeah.

We're great.

Good, good, I'm glad you two are working things out.

And you Eric, how you doing?

Yeah, I mean the movies are-

I mean, you, yourself,

are you okay?

Doing as well as can be expected.

You look a little tired.

Yeah, been busy.

You heard from your mom lately?

Not in the past couple years, no, have you?

I don't even know where she is.

Last I heard she had been kidnapped

and was being held in a crack house in Chicago.

Excuse me.

Apparently that city hates our bloodline.

-What? -Nothing, never mind.

Well, I contacted the police and had them look into it

and the woman,

who matches your mother's description by the way,

told the police that she had no idea

what they were talking about.

She wouldn't talk to me, this woman,

so I found this all out in the report.

So she's acting crazy again?

Eric, have you ever met your grandfather, my father?

Yeah, I maybe once or twice.

With the black doll drama?

Doll drama?

Yeah, one Christmas he bought my sister

a black cucumber patch doll

and it was a big deal because supposedly he hated-

Oh, oh no, not supposedly, really, really.

He hated that my mom married a black guy.

Anyway, everyone thought it was some kind of

passive aggressive racism.

Oh no, it was.

Have you ever wondered why your mom

doesn't exactly look like the rest of us?

It's because she had a different father.

My father's brother.

My uncle Ron had an affair with my mother.

Weird, but so what?

So we're trading one distant grandpa for another?

What's this all about?

Have you ever heard of Uncle Ron?

Not till today, no.

That's because he killed himself

when he was about your age.

I am told he suffered from depression his whole life,

he tried to end it several times

and was finally successful.

Do you remember your mom-

Trying to OD on sleeping pills?

Or locking herself in the garage with the car running?

Yeah, kind of remember that.

And then there's your-

What are you getting at here?

I just want you to be okay.

I want you to be informed.

I want you to talk to someone.

Okay, got it.

So we should get going.

Make sure and tell everyone bye for us.

Eric, there's one last thing.

Okay?

I saw your last movie

and I can see that there is truth in there

even though I don't exactly know what happened.

Just,

look I get that that's how you work through things,

but please don't put this in any of your movies, okay?

You want me to work through this?

That's how I do it.

Don't worry, I'll change your name.

Yeah, change it to something obvious.

-Fuck you. -Bad word.

Bad word, bad word, bad word, bad word,

bad word, bad word, bad word.

I wish you racist ass grandpa

would've said some shit to me.

Now I remember his house from earlier too.

Micro budget, boy please.

Can you believe that?

I kind of agree with her.

What are you talking about?

About putting certain things in your movies?

Great, now you too.

It makes me uncomfortable,

especially with what's going on now,

I just don't want our stuff out there for everyone to see.

That's how I deal with things.

That's how I process.

Remember when I said that I would come do this with you

on one condition?

This is my one condition.

Stop using our situation

as inspiration for your movie stuff, please.

I thought you said your condition was to keep the cat.

Well I changed my mind.

So what about the cat?

Dr. Peter Vinkman,

I think that you are pretty attached.

Unbelievable.

Hello?

Yeah.

Yeah, tonight I can do that.

I was, but now I'm done them.

Nope, I would actually much rather be working right now.

All right, yeah, just gimme an hour or something.

Working tonight?

Yep.

Need the money and start a script about

jobs and all the bullshit.

Gonna be my next movie.

And you're gonna make it with what?

You just said that you needed money

and one sentence later you're talking about

making another movie.

I hate to say this,

but maybe it's time for you to try something different.

You've already ruined at least two credit readings.

Yeah, that's going in the script.

That no one will produce.

No one wants to fund you, Eric,

unless you wanna show audiences storyboards or something.

Scene 38, interior production studio at night.

The following sequence is all shown via animatics,

or storyboard and voice over

with a narrator reading stage direction

and the actors reading the lines.

POV shot gradually coming into focus.

A small, strange looking dark face slowly fills the screen.

It looks childlike, but not quite.

As the image sharpens,

we can see that it's a doll's face.

A doll face with black features.

Some cabbage patch kid had a baby with Chucky

using Isaac Hayes as the sperm donor.

It's not quite a racist caricature,

but it definitely comes close to towing the line

of political correctness.

A beat or two to take in

the strangeness of the face peering into the camera,

then the doll speaks,

barks is more like it.

What the hell are you doing over here?

Get your stupid ass up.

We gotta make this day.

Reverse on Eric.

Walter the doll is apparently talking to him.

Eric is dumbfounded.

Slowly, realization dawns on his face.

You, my sister's racist Christmas gift.

Man, now you're talking bullshit.

Look, get up and let's block this shot.

We are losing light.

Wide shot on the scene.

Eric lies on the floor as if he's fainted or passed out.

Walter towers, as it were, over him.

A few feet away,

a film crew stands waiting to see what the deal is.

The crew consists of many people we recognize.

Zombie guy as the sound man,

Martin as the director of photography, et cetera.

Angelo is also in the crowd,

apparently is one of the actors.

Andy appears to be one of the leads.

So is that like a five Walter or?

No, it's not a five.

Reset for take two.

We will be ready shortly, thanks.

Eric notices Andy.

Hey Andy, I'm sorry about the other night.

A collective, "Ooh," ripples through the crew.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no Ooh,

there's no ooh here.

I don't know what he's implying

but up until today we've only talked via email

and mostly through my agent,

who apparently did not do as thorough a job as I thought.

Andy turns her indignant gaze

towards the producers,

Richard, brother Malik and Courtney, the pizza manager.

You know, this is sexual harassment, right?

I could sue you guys for damages.

Oh, just hold on Ms. Andrews,

I think we're blowing this a little outta proportion.

Why don't you head to your trailer

and cool down for about 30, 45 minutes.

You guys will be reset by then, right Walter?

Damn right.

Get up, loser.

Walter, you got this, my brother?

I got it on lock, brother Malik.

Good, get it together, Eric

or we get on the phone with Mr. Piper

and find ourselves a new director.

Malik and Courtney leave the set with Andy.

Mr. Piper, shit that means we're making-

Eric glances over at the camera slate

being held by the assistant cameraman,

it is clearly labeled "Witch Pyre 14."

You'd better not be a hack.

If so, I'm apparently the 14th one.

Make your day, that is all.

Sir, if I may, Rich right?

Look, I just wanted to let you know that my man Eric here

is doing a wonderful job given the circumstances.

I look forward to seeing how all this is going to turn out

as well as working with him again.

Richard leaves the room.

Angelo looks at Eric as if to say,

"I tried, but not sure if it matters."

As Eric stands there trying to figure out his next move,

a PA wheels in a chair and makes Eric sit down in it.

Next, a mic is wheeled in,

the talk radio kind that's on a gimbal.

Camera reveals that we are now in scene 39,

interior, the Spooky Knots podcast HQ.

Eric now finds himself as a guest

on the weekly Spooky Knots podcast.

They're like astronauts, but spooky.

It's hosted by Creepy Charlie,

Deadly Daniel Darkside,

and Rotten Annie,

the living avatar of death and dismemberment.

They are all typical horror cool kids

with tats all the way down to their fingertips.

Fulci t-shirts and terrible attitudes to match.

Creepy Charlie throws down the intro

and animatics cut to the real Creepy.

Good evening folks, and welcome once again

to another edition of the Spooky Knots podcast,

bringing you the latest, the greatest, the biggest,

the baddest, and the best in modern horror fandom.

I am your host, Creepy Charlie,

being joined in the studio as always

by my cadavers co-conspirators.

First of all, Deadly Daniel Darkside.

Doctor Deadly Daniel Darkside.

You know... Deadly.

I would drink this blood,

but that just seems shallow and pedantics, so.

What's that all about?

I gotta maintain my street cred

while also maintaining my detached pseudo intellectual, so.

Are you a real doctor?

I have my PhD in Spookology, so yes.

Moving right along.

Also joining us in the studio, as always,

the maiden of the macabre,

the Priestess of Pulper to the Queen of Screams,

Rotten Annie, the physical manifestation and avatar

of death and dismemberment.

Hail Satan.

Our guest tonight, Eric Linson,

director of the Independent Film's "Murder Mind"

and "Tenta-Kill."

Yeah, thanks for having me.

And joining you is?

Oh no, he's just along for the ride,

I didn't have time to stop.

Excuse me, actually.

Hi, my name is Zombie Guy

and actually I am a bit of a writer slash producer myself.

Huh, yep some might even call me an O'Tare.

What have you ever written or produced?

"Easy Turbo."

Please do not forget that pre-death,

I worked as a casting assistant

for almost eight months, all right.

And even though I may be a member

of the living impaired community,

I still understand how this shit works.

You strike me as someone

who does know how this shit works.

And, Winston you may wanna make a note of this,

he's also testament to overcoming adversity

in the workplace as well, man.

Yeah, and and also this casting department

that you worked at,

is it at all reminiscent of some obscure film,

like a name drop?

Obscurity is the coolest.

What are you working on now?

Oh, sure.

Well, I have an idea that I've been tinkering around with

and I really just feel like it's gonna be the next,

insert super popular horror film here.

Sounds like a real Fulci-esque throwback.

Big ambitions.

What's it called?

Right, so I don't really have a title, yet.

I actually haven't written anything,

but I did bring along today

this sexy look book for you guys to look at.

Oh, don't look now kids,

but my undead friend here is a bit of a player.

Oh, stop.

A player?

Are you for real?

-Hey. -He's here by accident.

Don't hate the player, hate the game boo.

Hashtag hate the game.

Seriously, you wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me.

All right, look,

before this goes any further,

I mean like, I don't know what's going on

between the two of you here,

and in all honesty it's of no consequence to me.

I've just got tremendous respect for the body of work

that both of you have accomplished.

Thank you so much.

The work?

You just met this guy three minutes ago,

how can you really like him?

And what work?

I'm so sorry, excuse me.

Can you please not talk to my connects like this?

You're completely exploiting them right now.

Let's not forget that you came here with me

for an interview about my work.

Your work, his work.

He wants to talk about his work.

Okay, great, let's do that.

Your films are shit.

Okay, let's be honest.

The only reason you even got distribution on your last movie

was because your lead actress was in that other movie.

Your actors are terrible

and your writing is trite.

Trite, yeah, this is coming from a zombie guy.

And?

Yeah, but Zombie Guy actually has a point here.

I was gonna bring it up later in the program,

but I'm kind of happy that it emerged organically

'cause now I feel like it's out there on the table,

we got an open and honest dialogue.

-Thank you. -Really?

So you're saying your films are infallible,

that's what you believe?

-No. -What a fucking guy.

Can you still see my pertinent tats?

Every last one of them, bro.

Okay.

No, that's not what I believe.

But any defense that I give you now,

you guys are gonna think that that's what it is

because you guys already have your mind made up about it.

That, and obviously I'm not one of the cool guys,

I don't wear the fucking costume.

What costume?

You know, maybe we could bring in our special guest

and she could help shed some light on this situation

'cause she's got some insider knowledge.

Great, who's this gonna be?

Joining us in the studio,

the lovely Miss Liz Black.

You'll remember the lovely Miss Liz

from her work in the "Witch Pyre" franchise,

and also a personal favorite of mine,

"The Last Survivor of the Mad Sharker"

and "Trailer Full of Corpses."

Yes, but they killed me off so fast

in "Trailer Full of Corpses,"

-two semi sacrilate. -No justice.

-That sucked. -And what a death scene.

That was fucking epic.

-True story. -Yeah, but so what,

I would've preferred to live.

Wait, this doesn't make any sense.

I've never worked with her

and I just met her a few days ago.

Oh, you hear that Liz.

Sparky here sounds like he thinks he's too good for us.

Nobody cares about your little film deal in LA sweetie.

Nice, check his privilege.

Eric, you know how this goes, right?

By the way, are you feeling cold?

What?

Actually, now that you mention it,

it is getting kind of cold in here.

Can we turn the thermostat up?

It's doesn't need to be a little crypt in here, does it?

-This guy. -Wow.

You know, I find that rather offensive.

Yeah, next he's gonna be calling us coffin jockies.

Honestly, I'm like,

feeling like really triggered right now.

Make a note of it.

My program, definitely not the place for a closed mind.

I mean, apparently it is,

but what's more important is,

why is this so cold in here?

Where the hell have you been?

We got three deliveries at 40 minutes.

I'm sorry, I went to the bathroom and-

You look like shit.

Come on man, I've watched you work,

I know you're better than this.

Now get those pizzas,

I do not wanna have to comp them.

Are you getting sick?

-No, I'm fine. -Great.

Sorry, I started feeling hot

so I stepped in there to cool off.

Yeah, here.

This one requested you specifically.

Don't fuck this up, dude,

our numbers have been terrible this week.

Bust a move, Eric.

The first two just called super off.

Might have to comp their food.

At least try to get it to 'em while it's hot.

Yeah, I need someone

to take care of this for me right now.

Okay.

I ordered a pizza, half pepperoni, half cheese,

clearly this is not it.

Ma'am, I'm about to go on a delivery,

I'm sure if you're go inside,

they'll get you taken care of.

Great, this is horrible service.

Well, I can take advantage of the portable pizza

I have in my trunk to remake it, how's that?

I don't care what you do,

as long as you get it right this time.

This is preposterous.

My children are starving

and they are not gonna eat this garbage.

You and your kids can all eat a bag of dicks

you terrible, entitled pieces of shit.

Now get the fuck away from my car.

I need to speak to a manager.

You want some of this?

Since you're probably not gonna be having anymore.

You know that's really gonna get you fired.

Anything's better than this.

Tell that to your landlord.

Oh, that was fast.

Angry mom on a mission.

-Hello. -Is this Eric Linson?

Yes it is.

Mr. Linson, we are contacting you about a debt

and are offering you one last chance

before we move forward with further action.

Now our client is willing to take a payment today

of just $1,000-

I don't have any fucking money,

stop calling me.

No money for anyone, huh?

At least I'm not the only guy you owe thousands of dollars.

I told you I don't have any fucking money,

so either send the cops or fuck off,

leave me alone.

Should I call back?

I told you about these white girls.

Just needy, needy, needy.

Michelle?

Yeah, right now is a bad time,

I can't talk right now.

I just needed to talk about today.

See, she's still talking.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to stop you there.

I do have a lot going on and I can't talk.

So fucking selfish.

You know, this is why nothing ever worked out between us.

Yeah, okay, bye.

Do you know how you always... Hold up.

You're not gonna turn me

into some sort of plot device harpy or whatever,

company move.

Hey Michelle, why the long face?

What's... Not now.

Look, I know that you have spent a lot of time

on one side of this story,

and yes, this is a story about Eric,

but sometimes people have their own stories

and when they intersect,

one person doesn't look as good as the other.

Not doing a musical number.

Oh.

Eric and I were great for a while.

We met in college and when I finished,

I moved back here with him to pursue his dreams,

which at the time I thought were our dreams.

I also thought that we were best friends,

which meant that we could get through everything,

especially when things got really dark for him.

I did what I could,

but I was sometimes hurting myself.

But then I would have to protect myself

and he would get distant

and I was afraid of being alone.

I was terrified of not having anyone here

and all of our friends were his friends.

Which, you know, over time I realized was just an illusion,

but when you're in the thick of it,

it feels pretty real.

And as you've seen,

part of me still wants to be caught up in Hurricane Eric,

but a bigger part of me knows that

that is not good for either of us.

It's taken a lot of hard, boring work to see that

and no one wants to watch that,

unless maybe you do.

♪ First I moved out then I started therapy ♪

Nah, nah man.

We gotta get moving on

or this movie's gonna over two hours.

But I want people to hear my story.

I feel you.

But we gotta save it for the sequel.

Wait, are you serious?

Girl, go ask the producers.

There they are.

Okay, so hear me out.

It's, I'm gonna say it's a movie musical starring me

and I'll focus sort of on my tribulations as a woman.

What was it?

Oh yeah.

You know how you always be complaining about

bad shit all happening at the same time

and people tell you you're paranoid?

Yeah.

Well maybe you're not.

Maybe it's because he's toxic.

Not right now, not for this one.

Please, please, please.

Okay, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Continue, keep rolling.

Oh, this pizza goes hard in the paint.

Hello - Eric, it's Courtney.

Dude, I cannot have you talking to the customers like that.

I'm gonna have to let you go when you get back here.

What the hell is happening man?

I thought this is where you wanted to be.

What fucking 30 something

wants to be a pizza delivery driver?

-Oh hit the spot. -Lots of other people

would want to be here.

Okay, well call them now.

And you may wanna remake these deliveries.

Whoa, eyes in front homie.

I'm so scared, what about my baby?

Ma'am, I think you'll be fine.

We just wanna make sure everything's okay.

So did you not see me or what?

Sweetie, I'm talking to you.

Ma'am, calm down.

Okay, so here's the deal,

I'm not gonna write you a ticket

'cause it's hard for me to tell what actually happened here.

And ultimately she just seems a little shaken up.

But you have to know that if anything goes wrong

with that lady's pregnancy,

or something is discovered after the child is born,

there's a good chance that you'll be found responsible.

What does that mean?

Hopefully nothing.

But make sure you have good insurance.

A lawyer couldn't hurt either.

Are you feeling okay, sir?

Also, I'd recommend going to a 24 hour emergency clinic

and getting a drug test just to be covered.

Have a nice night.

That's not good.

Hold up man, I think he's already doing it.

Well that was way easier than I thought it would be.

So I'm not the only one here that's thinking about-

Look, the five second rule is in full effect brother.

Kind of our last meal,

-am I right fellas? -Don't ruin it.

You may be on your own for this one, Eric.

This is probably the smartest decision you've ever made.

You've ever made, you've ever made.

Took you long enough, enough, enough.

You know this is truly some white people shit.

It always starts with me feeling like I'm falling,

like I'm falling, like I'm falling.

But that's a cliche,

it's not like that,

it's more like I'm tumbling towards

who knows, pick a thing.

Eric, good to see you here, man.

Well, I know it could probably be

under some different circumstances, but no.

Make sure you don't drop no blood on the floor now.

I don't know how to make it stop.

Remember, this is all in your head.

You can make it stop at any time.

See.

What?

Is that Lori?

She must be waiting on Michael, her son.

Nah man, this is about you.

Looks like you wanted to go with them, huh?

Or maybe she wanted to take you, but she couldn't.

I never thought about it like that.

Well, at least not completely.

That's you thinking about that.

But then that's you thinking about-

Brian Turner.

International pop sensation.

He was always really nice to me

even though he didn't really have to be.

These are all of the people

that have touched your life, man.

They were all trying to help you as much as they can,

but they got their own lives

and they own bullshit, you know.

Who is she again?

Well, some of these people you haven't even met yet, man.

So what are you doing here?

You really haven't figured that out yet?

Aside from being into your band,

no, not really.

What really is it that you like about my band?

Your music speaks to me.

Just the music?

The complexity,

the dichotomy.

Black guys playing and what's thought of as white music.

Incorrectly thought of.

Incorrectly thought of, yes.

And also the freakiness of it, the art.

Right, right.

So do you think any of that has made us rich?

No, I know it hasn't.

I feel like you guys have been shorted

and passed over repeatedly

along with more than a few, almost.

Exactly, almost.

It's more than almost shit.

Doesn't any of this seem familiar to you?

Actually, yeah.

You know, I bet if your undead friend was here,

he would know exactly what to say.

Yeah.

It is what it is.

Where are those guys anyway?

I thought they'd be around.

Man, we ain't trying to have them in here.

I'm more or less your spirit animal, your guide,

your totemic connection to the Eric inside

that hasn't been completely crushed yet.

The Eric that's still left there to fight.

But why?

Why what?

Why should I even fight?

Why is it even worth it?

Man, don't make me have this conversation with you again.

But you just said it yourself,

I'm just fighting against not being completely crushed.

Well, that's true,

but you got two choices.

You can either fight.

Me just miming that was exhausting as hell.

Okay, so what's the alternative?

Well, the alternative is you could always just be crushed.

Isn't that what happened here?

Not exactly.

You know, you might get pushed down

into the ground a little bit.

But what good will that do,

dealing with all that pressure?

Well see if you apply pressure,

eventually, you just might get some diamonds

outta that doo doo.

Wait, wait.

So what do I do now?

Well, you just gotta figure out

what you're gonna do now, man.

Crush or be crushed.

You got this man.

And remember, make sure you open up that door

for someone else one day.

Why is it always a door. always a door?

Eric?

Finally, how you feeling dumb-ass?

Pretty much like a dumb-ass.

And like hammered and shit.

Well, it doesn't surprise me,

I mean the amount of blood you lost

by the time we got there,

and all this other stuff that you had in your system.

What stuff?

All kinds of shit.

I mean, okay, so we had walking pneumonia,

whatever the hell that is,

borderline diabetes,

probably borderline personality disorder,

I'm not sure about that.

You had ear infections,

I mean it's no wonder that you puked in my house,

and you had something called peri-

Pericarditis.

Yeah, I'll have to play that case sometimes.

Which one of those things

makes you pass out and hallucinate.

Probably most of them.

You need to take better care of yourself,

your body and your mind.

Clearly you have people that care about you, talk to them.

And stop looking at me like that,

it's freaking me out.

-Nice meeting you Elizabeth. -And you too.

And seriously, take care of yourself.

So do you wanna talk about anything

that antibiotics can't help you with?

So how did, how did?

Oh yeah,

I was your third delivery.

So I called and I specifically requested you,

'cause I wanted to check in.

I just, I felt like after you puked on my rug at my house

that something was definitely not right.

So, I mean, I've seen this kind of thing before.

So I guess you called?

Yes, I waited,

the internationally required 45 minute delivery time period

and once that expired then I called.

But your boss, she's the one

who gave me your emergency contact information.

Well, you talked to Michelle.

Spoke to Michelle

and whatever weird stuff you guys have going on,

I mean, she came really quick.

I mean, she was here for you,

plus she's feeding your cat.

Well, I mean, she gave me the cat, so.

But she gave me the address and so I rallied the troops

and we all met at your house, your garage.

Oh damn.

So what about Chad?

The kung fu guy that owns the house?

Jujitsu, but yeah.

I can imagine it must have left a huge mess.

It had to mess up his classes.

Oh no, no, no, no.

He told everybody that he took on

like these 15 bikers that came in.

He said 15 came in,

only five went out.

So I think he signed up like 10 students from that,

so it was really good for him.

And here you are still alive

and you're well, well,

I mean, in a way,

I mean, we can work on this stuff.

So I guess I should probably eat breakfast now.

At least, iHOP, limitless coffee come on.

Well, seeing that I'm broke and probably jobless now-

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

I'll buy.

Come on, let's just go, get your stuff.

Wait, can I leave?

Oh yeah, no, I've worked everything out.

You're gonna be in my custody,

Michelle talked me into it.

That's pretty pathetic.

No, it's a good story.

You are not helping.

Do you know how many horror fans

that would kill to be in my custody?

Kill themselves, you mean?

Ah, semantics.

Oh, I ran into that woman that you had an accident with.

Is she all right?

She's good, her and the the child are good.

She is a bitch.

But they know everything that's going on with you

and she feels really bad

so there's nothing to worry about.

Like in an honest way,

or like in a,

this poor degenerate, half breed kind of way.

He's back, everybody.

Kind of a 60/40 thing, but you know.

Better than I thought.

What the fuck?

Well, they had to examine you, I mean.

I cut my wrists, not my thighs.

Well, they had to give you

a thorough examination apparently

from head to toe, well.

I look like... What?

Say it, say it, say it.

I was gonna say I look like a zombie.

Eric, that is so obvious.

You're better than that, come on.

Hey.

I didn't realize how bad things were.

Yeah, neither did I, I guess.

-Hi Andy. -Hi Elizabeth.

Thanks again so much for everything.

That's no problem.

I'm gonna sign us out, okay?

Okay.

-You know her? -Yeah.

We became really close friends

when you tried to kill yourself.

You should have talked to me.

I'm sorry.

I tried, but I'm just not that good at talking.

If you were going through something,

I would've listened.

Well, thank you, I appreciate that.

So what now?

Well, I'm released into Liz's custody-

-Elizabeth. -Elizabeth, right.

Do you mind if I hang out with you guys for a bit?

Of course.

Try not to be too creepy.

You're not that creepy.

Well, I carved your name into my arm.

Oh.

Did you do Andy or Andrea?

Well, I was trying to do Andrea

and I got to Andr and then I passed out.

You should have went with Andy.

Huh?

You should have went with Andy, it's shorter,

you know, for the carving.

Oh, well I went to high school with a guy named Andy

who was kind of a douche bag to me.

I didn't want everyone to think that it was his fault, so,

maybe I did.

Shit, you better go do it again.

That is not funny.

Did you see who it did to my clothes?

That's good, that is good.

I love that, oh my God.

Yes, yes this is good, this is good.

It's not too much?

No, it's reality, it's the truth,

the truth is never too much.

It hurt.

Now show me the scene with the girl in the apartment

at the beginning.

So you wanna see how the actress that is playing you

is coming across?

Just shut up and play.

Actually, this is one of my students.

I should take this.

Okay, well I know how to play this,

-so I'm gonna watch, yeah? -Yeah.

Okay, I'll trim any cellulite.

Cool, okay yeah, feel free.

But if you can,

send a compressed version to Andy,

I wanna get her feedback.

I think it should be a good time,

I think she's off work by now.

Not a problem, will do, will do.

Hey Jaylen, how's it going?

Are you still trying to figure that out?

Okay, well tell me what you see in your head.

Okay, okay.

If I can make a suggestion,

why not try removing some of the dialogue?

Yeah, try that and lemme know how it works out.

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Everybody come on ♪

♪ So such as be together ♪

♪ Make it last all night ♪

♪ Then all right ♪

♪ Unabashedly, single handedly ♪

♪ Roll with the tide ♪

♪ Lean to the side ♪

♪ Un-Unanimously, first degree ♪

♪ The mostest VIP ♪

♪ Don't you all wanna, wanna be free, yeah ♪

So fucking selfish.

You know, this is why nothing ever worked out between us.

Yeah, okay, bye.

Asshole.

You got that right.

I think I'm losing my mind.

No, sister, you're just stressed out because of the show.

Now let's run those lines

so you don't look like an idiot on stage next week.

Do you smell burning popcorn?

♪ Guaranteed to give you what you need ♪

♪ Come on, get it ♪

♪ All you need is you ♪

♪ To make the break through ♪

♪ So gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme a sign ♪

♪ Just check out your minds ♪

♪ Conversation ♪

♪ Being together ♪

♪ We can last all night ♪

♪ They all right ♪

Sex face, sex face, sex face

Thank you guys, thank you.

Sex face, sex face, sex face, sex face, sex face.

Sex face, sex face, sex face, sex face, sex face.

Come on.

That was a great show,

just let me have this one.

Oh Brian, that's not what an Ineptrechaun does.

Oh no.

Bitch, you think I didn't see you missed that cue

in the third number?

And thank God they invented pitch correction

'cause the whole second half of the show

would've sounded like three cats fighting in a dumpster.

Smells like pizza in here.

Did you eat pizza before the show, fatty?

No wonder it looked like you were dancing underwater.

No, no, no.

♪ Self conscious ♪

♪ Self conscious ♪

♪ Self conscious ♪

♪ Didn't give a ton of shining with style ♪

♪ Challenging the eyes of humanity ♪

♪ The adoptive road to the subconscious mind ♪

♪ Ghost and memory ♪

♪ Laying it on the line ♪

♪ Well, I'm a soldier of love ♪

♪ With a unrelenting quest ♪

♪ To wear my resentment to rest ♪

♪ I'm addicted to love ♪

♪ I can fall in this ♪

♪ Tired nation ♪

♪ Spread your love through the radio station ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme a sign ♪

♪ For that bright light ♪

♪ When it feels right ♪

♪ I'm gone take flight ♪

♪ It's the night life ♪

♪ Two can be wild ♪

♪ Searching my could for my inner child ♪

♪ Self conscious, inner child ♪

♪ We're together, oh yeah ♪

♪ We can last all night ♪

♪ Last all night ♪

♪ It's all right, it's all right ♪

♪ Soul searching, soul searching ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We can last all night, all right ♪

♪ Then all right, all night ♪

♪ Soul searching ♪

♪ All right, all right ♪

♪ Soul searching ♪

♪ All night, all night ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

You think we kind of did Eric dirty?

I mean, the dude has some good ideas.

I think we made the right decision.

I don't think he's in alignment with our message.

Something tells me we made the wrong call though.

You're right, they should listen to you more often.

What the hell is that?

I'm the voice inside his head,

you've got one too.

What's up playboy?

But seriously, Clarence, let's drop the bullshit

and actually use that economics degree.

Real talk.

Malik, what's yours say?

This is some bullshit.