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I need to use it.
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Sorry, Aaron.
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My sister wants to use the phone now, so
I'm going to have to run into the other
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room.
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Mom! Oh, lighten up. She's talking to
her boyfriend. I think it's kind of
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She has a boyfriend?
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Does he know about her booger wall?
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Yeah, I think eight -year -old boys kind
of dig that.
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I haven't tried to call you guys for
like an hour. Doesn't anyone pick up
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waiting? It's rude.
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Hey, I have some absolutely amazing
news. Perry and I are finally getting
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married. That's nice. Good for you.
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No, for real this time. We set a date
and everything.
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Terrific. And put a deposit down on a
hall.
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Oh, my God, you're pregnant!
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Oh, my God, we got you a huge ring!
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Yeah, I know. Look at this beautiful
diamond.
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Did you say diamond?
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No, diamond.
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Diamond. Shut up!
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Well, so what happened? I thought Perry
was on tour.
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No, it got canceled. The promoter
decided he didn't want a Foghat cover
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they went with someone else.
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Who, Neil Diamond?
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I'm still in love with you today.
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Trust you make me happy.
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Linda, I don't know. Are you sure you
want to get married in a veterans' hall?
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It makes sense, Judy. Your sister and
this place have opened their doors to a
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lot of grizzled old sailors.
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I know it's kind of dumpy, but it's
available, which I believe is what Judy
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about you on her wedding day.
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You know what? It'll work out fine.
We'll put the altar up there, maybe a
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trellis.
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Sorry, just, you know, a trellis.
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00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:11,540
So the Perry has some thoughts about the
ceremony. I mean, his band rented a
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bunch of stuff for the tour that was
cancelled, so now we're just going to,
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like, you know, incorporate it into the
wedding.
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Tastefully, of course. Of course.
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We'll start in utter blackness.
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And then, boom!
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The empty altar appears in haunting
silhouettes of revolving beams of light.
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Trellis, you are so uncool.
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Suddenly a synthesizer.
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Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop,
boop, boop. Boop, boop, boop, boop.
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And boom!
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And I...
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ball of silver flash rains down and in
it appears the bride.
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The back door flies open. My band and I
appear.
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I go into a Hendrixy guitar riff.
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My mates and I come down the aisle to
greet Linda. We stand before her. Who
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she choose?
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Can the bridesmaids take a vote?
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Oh, Minnie, I forgot the bridesmaids.
Yeah, that might require a bit of
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choreography, I suspect.
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00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:08,730
Excuse me. Bill, try something with me,
yeah?
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Risers.
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Revolving beams of light. Ball of flash.
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It'd be cheaper if you two eloped and
the rest of us just dropped some air.
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00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:30,250
I'd really like it if you'd stop making
these unkind remarks.
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Linda, is this really the wedding you
want?
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Marrying Perry is all I want, okay?
That's all that's important, so please
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putting him down.
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Besides, underneath all the glitter and
the flash, it's actually going to be a
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very traditional wedding surrounded by
friends and family.
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Excuse me.
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I'm looking for some sorry son of a
bitches getting married here next week.
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Roach! I didn't expect you to be up this
early. What do you mean? I haven't been
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to bed yet.
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You're a bastard.
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I want you to meet Roach. He's the man
who's going to marry you. Oh, Roach is
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going to marry you?
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00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,170
Ah, Reverend Roach. Nice to meet you.
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He's also going to be my best man. And
why?
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Because he's my main bloke. He's my
compadre.
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He's my brother from another mother.
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Are you sure you're a fully licensed
minister?
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Yeah. And I take it very seriously.
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So, which way are we going with the
ceremony?
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Naked or uptight?
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Uptight.
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00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:32,610
Bummer.
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Well, I just talked to Linda, and the
fire marshal said that all of our
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have to be flame retardant.
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00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:49,490
Bill, what are we going to do about this
wedding?
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Same as we do at every wedding.
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00:04:51,610 --> 00:04:54,710
Drink a lot, eat a lot, and tape our
card to somebody else's gift.
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00:04:56,050 --> 00:05:00,470
Couldn't she have ended up with that
stockbroker guy she dated, Glenn
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He asks about her all the time when he
comes into my office to get his teeth
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00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:08,170
cleaned. The high -pitched whining of
the drill, the intense pain. I'm not
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00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:09,410
surprised he thinks about Linda.
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00:05:10,290 --> 00:05:15,070
She wants to find a nice, solid guy like
Glenn. How is Perry ever going to
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support a family?
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00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:18,730
Well, he's got that steady gig in Reno.
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00:05:19,010 --> 00:05:23,590
Reno? Yeah, his band's booked for two
years in a casino lounge. I thought you
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00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,370
knew. Two years?
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That whack job is dragging my sister to
Reno? I prefer to think of him as that
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beautiful, beautiful man who's dragging
your whack job sister to Reno.
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She probably doesn't even want to go
to... Reno. I bet he's pushing her into
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just like he's pushing her into this
crazy wedding. Judy, Judy, they're happy
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about this. I'm happy. Everybody's happy
about him moving to Reno, with the
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possible exception of the people of
Reno.
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It'll be fine. She'll visit us. We'll
visit her.
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Oh, we could go for carnival.
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That's Rio, not Reno, you jackass.
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00:06:00,630 --> 00:06:02,710
I think you might be wrong on that.
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Why do we have to get all dressed up?
Well, I thought we'd go out for a nice
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dinner and talk about what kind of
bachelorette party you'd like. I guess
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too old for strippers and drinking.
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00:06:20,890 --> 00:06:21,829
No, you're not.
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Oh, good. Let's do that. Oh, my God. Is
that Glenn Pearson?
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Oh, my God.
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Geez, I used to go out with him. I know.
Glenn!
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Hey, Judy.
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Linda, so nice to see you.
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Hey, long time no see, huh? What a funny
coincidence. You being here?
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00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:46,530
Well, you mentioned that you were... I
eat often in this restaurant because my
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office is right upstairs.
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And, uh, I see Glenn all the time. He's
a patient of Dr.
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Gerber's. Great teeth.
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Why don't you just sit down right here?
Thank you.
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Oh.
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00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:07,670
Hey, look at you two.
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Add a baby and a golden retriever and
you'd make a beautiful Christmas car.
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00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:19,200
So, Flynn, how have you been? Good. You
know, the usual.
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00:07:19,820 --> 00:07:25,360
Please, if you call the usual being
called an up -and -comer on the May 3,
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issue of the Wall Street Journal for
that stock merger thingy.
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Let's Google him.
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What's Google?
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Sounds like a kid's game, you know.
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00:07:38,730 --> 00:07:40,230
Is something going on here, Judy? No.
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Judy called, and she mentioned that you
guys were... Google, you're in.
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Oh, my God, you invited Glenn here.
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Yes, you're trying to undermine my
wedding.
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No. You're getting married?
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Oh, good Lord, you tried to fix me up
with my ex -boyfriend three days before
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wedding? Judy, that's worse than mean.
That's just... Horrible.
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00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,990
It's like you finish each other's
thought.
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00:08:08,590 --> 00:08:11,110
trying to fix you up with Glenn. He's
just an example.
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00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:15,330
There's a million other ones just like
him out there. Some even have a
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personality. You know, I was voted one
of Chicago's top ten most eligible
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bachelors. See? There's at least nine
others.
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I can't believe you would be so sneaky.
You mean like sneaking off to Reno
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without even telling me?
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Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I thought you
might overreact.
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What are you going to do, Linda, huh?
Quit a perfectly good job and run off
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an overgrown child who thinks he's a
rock star?
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You know what?
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That's how you feel about my marriage
and my future husband, then don't bother
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coming to the wedding.
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I was number four.
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Did you
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hear
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00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,100
that Tina's taking some boy runt to the
wedding as her little...
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00:09:03,729 --> 00:09:04,729
Runt date.
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00:09:05,950 --> 00:09:08,830
Uh, yeah, actually, they're doubling
with me and my date.
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00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:12,630
You, uh, you still dateless?
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00:09:12,910 --> 00:09:14,810
I mean, you couldn't get one, right?
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I still got a couple dates.
159
00:09:17,450 --> 00:09:19,510
Hey, you know, I just thought of
something.
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00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:24,310
Now that Aunt Linda's getting married,
you're kind of the new Aunt Linda.
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00:09:25,630 --> 00:09:28,830
Oh, you take that back. I am married to
you. Cut it out.
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00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:30,170
Who's your father?
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00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:31,930
Uh, he's upstairs trying on clothes for
the wedding.
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Ow, what?
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He can say wedding. I know there's a
wedding.
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I know, I just wanted to hit him.
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Oh, oh, hey, meatloaf.
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00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,340
I don't think you're supposed to wear an
undershirt with that.
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00:09:48,940 --> 00:09:51,280
No undershirt. Mmm, sexy.
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Mmm, everything.
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Man, this sucks.
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My sister's finally getting married and
I'm not even going to be there.
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00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,740
Come on, you can't miss this.
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00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,820
There's an open bar and a glitter
cannon.
175
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,060
You know something good's going to
happen.
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00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:15,260
No, Linda doesn't want me there feeling
the way I do about this marriage, and I
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00:10:15,260 --> 00:10:16,840
can't change the way I feel.
178
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,920
I think she's throwing her life away.
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00:10:19,980 --> 00:10:24,380
Don't be so negative. When you think
about your sister's life, what's she
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00:10:24,380 --> 00:10:25,380
throwing away?
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00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:28,380
Hello, Bill. Bill Keane Sharp.
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00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:32,600
Like the undie there. You can tear that
off and throw it at the ladies right
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00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,200
before you bang the wedding gong.
184
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,940
I get to bang the wedding gong?
185
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,340
Linda thinks it's her special day.
186
00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:43,340
Hello, Perry.
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00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:44,480
Hiya, Judy.
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00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,760
Just stopped by to drop off the bridal
party gifts.
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00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:53,520
Linda and Perry screaming into forever
tour.
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00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:55,960
I see.
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00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,640
I got a lot of stuff to do. Good luck
with everything. Judy, wait. Can we have
192
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:01,640
talk, please?
193
00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:05,260
Um, listen, I know you don't like me
particularly.
194
00:11:06,180 --> 00:11:07,180
That's not true.
195
00:11:07,740 --> 00:11:09,800
You took my fiancée on a blind date the
other night.
196
00:11:11,620 --> 00:11:14,700
Well, I just don't know if you're the
right man for my sister.
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00:11:15,580 --> 00:11:20,700
Judy, Linda's my life, and I would give
up anything to keep her, including my
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00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:22,820
music and my hair.
199
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:24,560
That's what she wanted.
200
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,480
although I've never met a woman who
could keep her hands off.
201
00:11:28,460 --> 00:11:29,460
You're staring.
202
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:30,920
Do you want to touch it?
203
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,380
That's not why I'm staring.
204
00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:42,840
How could you drag Linda to Reno away
from everyone she knows and loves?
205
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,720
Judy, she wants to go.
206
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:49,900
She knows you've got Bill and the kids
and she loves you, but she wants a
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00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,660
of her own, and I'm a family now.
208
00:11:52,740 --> 00:11:53,780
Judy, I love her.
209
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:59,540
And if you think I could ever imagine
asking her to start a life with me
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00:11:59,540 --> 00:12:02,480
you by her side, then you've got no idea
how much you mean to her.
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00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:07,960
Please come to the wedding.
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00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:13,560
Don't you break her heart?
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00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:18,680
I know you don't know me very well, but
understand this, Judy, I do not make T
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00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:19,680
-shirts that lie.
215
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,640
Thanks for coming to my bachelor...
216
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,880
All right, take it easy. Aim for four.
217
00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:30,620
Honey,
218
00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:37,360
I'm so glad that we made up. I love you
so much.
219
00:12:37,980 --> 00:12:42,840
I'm so sorry I was so judgy about your
marriage. No, you were not judgy, Judy.
220
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,020
Yes, I was judgy, Judy.
221
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,160
Judgy, Judy.
222
00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:51,580
You see a homeless man, I'm giving him
the keys.
223
00:12:53,580 --> 00:12:57,410
You'll never want to leave. No, I know,
me too, but we're sisters. You can't
224
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,410
ever lose me.
225
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:02,950
Hey, where'd you go? Here I am!
226
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,670
Hey, you dropped my scarf.
227
00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:10,850
You got it?
228
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,280
Thank you enough for driving, Bill.
229
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:28,980
Nope. No, you cannot.
230
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,740
I can't believe I'm finally getting
married. Phew, huh?
231
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:36,980
Perry's so great.
232
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,480
I mean, he really makes me laugh.
233
00:13:44,180 --> 00:13:46,440
Usually I'm just laughing at him.
234
00:13:48,340 --> 00:13:49,340
What do you mean?
235
00:13:49,540 --> 00:13:51,880
Oh, come on, let's face it, he's kind of
a clown.
236
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:55,410
I like to think of him as a diamond in
the rough.
237
00:13:56,770 --> 00:14:02,810
Well, I mean, sure, I'd probably be
better off marrying, like, a lawyer or a
238
00:14:02,810 --> 00:14:04,850
doctor or even that guy.
239
00:14:06,510 --> 00:14:10,690
But what the hell? At least I got
married before I was 40, right? That's
240
00:14:10,690 --> 00:14:11,690
important.
241
00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:14,030
But that's not the only reason, right?
242
00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:15,550
As good as any.
243
00:14:22,990 --> 00:14:24,410
Shutting with Glee's tiring.
244
00:14:25,730 --> 00:14:28,190
Did you really mean that, Linda?
245
00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:32,450
About getting married before you're 40?
Mm -hmm.
246
00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:50,690
Hey. Hi. So, have you seen Linda?
247
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,680
Yeah, she's in the bridal room.
248
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,900
How does she seem? Is she okay?
249
00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:57,280
Better than me. She's not dancing down
the aisle.
250
00:14:58,680 --> 00:14:59,680
Neither are you.
251
00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:02,220
Hello, everybody.
252
00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:05,800
I just want to thank you all for being
here on a blessed day. The love of my
253
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:06,800
life, and I say I do.
254
00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:09,240
I do check.
255
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:10,440
I do check.
256
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:12,220
A bit more reverb.
257
00:15:12,780 --> 00:15:14,580
I found your minister in the bathroom.
258
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:16,360
Made a big mess.
259
00:15:17,620 --> 00:15:18,620
I'm good.
260
00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:19,740
I'm good.
261
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,119
All right.
262
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,760
Let's get the show on the road. No, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
263
00:15:24,060 --> 00:15:26,260
Oh, that's right. We're doing the
uptight version.
264
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:27,480
What a bummer.
265
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:32,760
So, you're not worried about Linda
anymore?
266
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,020
No. It's her life.
267
00:15:36,620 --> 00:15:40,160
I'm not crazy about the fact that she's
going to Reno, but she's doing what she
268
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,160
wants, and Perry really does love her.
269
00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:44,180
Yeah, I know he loves her.
270
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,120
Oh, God, you know what, Bill? I gotta
learn these moves. I gotta go find
271
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:08,880
When do you smoke?
272
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,240
Uh, just today.
273
00:16:11,580 --> 00:16:14,700
After you get over the initial nausea,
it's actually very calming.
274
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,280
So, uh, how you doing?
275
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,000
Good, good.
276
00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:22,420
It's just, uh, starting to feel pretty
real here, you know?
277
00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:24,180
Screaming into forever!
278
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:26,880
You seem a little nervous.
279
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:31,440
Yeah, well, I am appearing in a ball of
flash, and I got a lot of hairspray on,
280
00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:34,580
so... Listen to that.
281
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:41,920
Last night... Last night in the car, you
said some
282
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,400
things that kind of stuck with me. Some
things about Perry.
283
00:16:45,860 --> 00:16:46,860
Oh, what'd I say?
284
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,320
Well, you called him a clown.
285
00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:53,940
No. Come on, there's nothing compared to
what Judy calls you.
286
00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:56,380
Jackass.
287
00:16:57,140 --> 00:16:58,720
Stupid jackass.
288
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,260
Easy jackass.
289
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,640
I don't listen when she says those
things.
290
00:17:04,349 --> 00:17:05,650
Jackass who doesn't listen.
291
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:11,390
Last night, you made it seem like it
didn't matter who you were marrying as
292
00:17:11,390 --> 00:17:13,369
as you got married before you were 40.
293
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,550
Wow. I said that, huh?
294
00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:25,650
Look, you know, marriage can be hard,
and you don't want to dive into it just
295
00:17:25,650 --> 00:17:27,550
because of some deadline in your head.
296
00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:33,270
Linda, I know we haven't always got
along, but you're...
297
00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:36,530
You deserve to be happy.
298
00:17:37,110 --> 00:17:38,110
Oh, Bill.
299
00:17:41,530 --> 00:17:43,850
You forgot your glow stick bouquet,
love.
300
00:17:44,050 --> 00:17:45,050
Oh, thanks.
301
00:17:49,910 --> 00:17:52,970
You might want to run a razor over those
knuckles before the wedding night,
302
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,030
Angel.
303
00:17:56,230 --> 00:17:57,410
Do that right now, honey.
304
00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:03,330
You know, I walked in here today with
the prettiest girlfriend in the world,
305
00:18:03,330 --> 00:18:04,330
I'll be walking out.
306
00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:05,410
With the most beautiful wife.
307
00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:08,830
And I mean you.
308
00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:14,290
Wow. Did you hear that?
309
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:18,450
I love him so much. There's not a doubt
in my mind.
310
00:18:19,670 --> 00:18:20,670
Good for you.
311
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,990
You better get out there.
312
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,160
Great. Sure.
313
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,520
Thank you.
314
00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:47,420
For everything.
315
00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:50,000
I love you, you know.
316
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,440
Yeah.
317
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:59,360
You know, too. Go. You should... Hey!
318
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:00,920
We're back from the honeymoon.
319
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:04,720
Aloha. How was Cleveland?
320
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:06,860
It was wonderful.
321
00:19:07,260 --> 00:19:09,460
I'm now officially in the Rock and Roll
Hall of Fame.
322
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,280
Yeah, he wrote his name on the bathroom
wall.
323
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:13,960
I'm in the baseball hall of fame.
324
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,060
So, I guess the big thing is we have
some news.
325
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:22,300
Yeah, when I go to Reno, Linda's going
to stay here in Chicago.
326
00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:23,820
Really? What?
327
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:29,880
I mean, I have some vacation time and
periods every third week off, and we
328
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,520
realize we'll see each other as much as
we do now.
329
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,380
Yeah, but it's not going to be the same.
330
00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:53,150
I have to say, a big part of our
decision was finding out that somebody
331
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:54,150
loves me.
332
00:19:56,890 --> 00:19:58,510
I just can't walk away from that.
333
00:20:00,010 --> 00:20:02,090
Could you at least move further down the
couch?
334
00:20:17,610 --> 00:20:19,390
Cause you make me happy
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