All language subtitles for Still Standing s01e13 Good Cop

Isn't this a great movie?

Yeah. It'd be so cool if we had a mad
scientist in our neighborhood that could

take us back in time.

Well, we do have a neighbor who grows
stuff in his basement that he says will

take you back in time.

By the way, stay away from him.

Guys, it's really late. It's time for
everyone to be getting to bed.

Mom, it's a Friday night. Why can't we
stay up? Because you have dance class

tomorrow, Brian has karate, and you both
will be exhausted.

What does that mean?

Oh, sweetie, remember the last time you
stayed up? You kept bumping into stuff

the next day?

Oh, yeah.

Come on, Judy. The kids are really
enjoying the movie. Let us stay up a

later. All right, fine.

But make sure they brush their teeth and
put on their pajamas by the next

commercial. No problem. Okay, good
night, guys. Good night. Oh, no falling

asleep on the couch, you hear me?

Gotcha.

Whatever, warden.

Now, you kids better listen, because if
the inmates get out of hand, the warden

can get pretty ugly.

Dad, she's right behind you.

Oh, my

God.

Tina, it's three in the morning. Have
you been up this whole time?

Yeah. What are you watching?

How long has that big animal been eating
that small animal?

A while.

It's time to turn it off, honey.

I mean, I have a better idea.

Bill,

wake up. Oh, it can't be morning yet.

It is morning, 3 .30 in the morning, and
I just put the kids to bed thanks to

you. Oh, don't thank me, Judy. Thank
you.

You're not going to sleep yet.

Okay, but you're on your own with this.

No, I want to talk.

Okay.

You're so hot.

of talk about the kids.

I asked you to get them to bed and you
just let them do what they wanted. I'm

sorry. It won't happen again.

Yes, it will.

I know.

I just want you to know there's a
perfectly good reason for what happened.

Oh, yeah? What is it?

Bill!

I'm just really sick of always being the
bad cop while you get to be the good

cop. You don't always have to be the bad
cop.

Like tonight.

What's the worst that could have
happened? The kids wake up in the living

on Saturday morning.

On the bright side, Judy, if they start
to like it, we can rent out their rooms.

Oh, so I should be more fun like you.
Great, why don't I wake them up and take

them to a rave?

Why, there's plenty of raving here.
What?

Nothing.

All right, you know what? We'll talk
about this in the morning.

Oh, goody. What'd you say?

Nothing.

Jackass.

What did you say? I called you a
jackass.

Oh, okay.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. What are you kids
doing?

This is dangerous. Something's going to
get broken.

Your mother and I have told you a
thousand times not to play hockey in the

living room. She's not here, Dad.

In that case, Tina and I are the
Blackhawks.

Hey, hey, hey. Bill is on the ice. He
has a vendetta.

Hi, honey.

Playing a game of beach ball hockey?

No.

I'm the goalie.

Yeah.

Sorry. Don't worry about it. Looks like
you're having fun. I got pizza.

I thought we were only allowed to have
pizza once a week.

I made a little change to that rule.
From now on, we can have pizza whenever

want. Wherever we want. Let's eat it in
front of the TV.

Then, maybe later, we'll clear out the
furniture and have a touch football

Mom, what's going on?

My father and I had a little discussion
last night, and he's convinced me it'll

be more fun. So that's what I'm gonna
do. Come on, pizza's getting cold.

Okay, kids, get some plates. We don't
want to get sauce all over the couch.

Oh, Bill, what's your problem? You got a
tea party planned?

Geez, lighten up.

Wow, sausage, onion, and bacon.

I thought we weren't allowed to have
this kind of pizza since Dad's 90 of 1

trombones. Aw, that's what windows are
for. Come on, kids, dig in.

Tina. Yeah?

What are you doing?

Nothing.

She's been eating ice cream.

No, I haven't.

Can we have some?

Yeah, can we? You can't have ice cream
until after dinner.

Unless it's in a delicious root beer
float, then it's just a beverage.

Judy, all that sugar's gonna make him
crazy.

You're right.

I'm gonna eat my pizza in the bathtub.

Are you leaving me alone with them and
taking a bath?

Get out of my way.

You get out of my way. Make me. Ow.

Brian, I wouldn't take that from her.
Good luck. The first aid kit's under the

sink.

Ow. No pinching. No pinching.

Morning, honey. What you doing?

I'm just cleaning up the stains from
last night's dinner.

After you went upstairs, all hell broke
loose.

Tina ate too much ice cream and started
jumping up and down on the couch.

which set off Brian's motion sickness,
which made Lauren laugh so hard she shot

root beer float through her nose.

Wow, I can't believe I slipped through
all that.

Yeah, well, I see what you're doing, and
I just want you to know I've learned my

lesson. You're sick of always being the
bad cop, and I only make your job harder

when I undermine your authority.

I get it.

Now, everybody back to normal on three.
One, two... Hang on.

Bill, I have to ask you something.

Have the kids had breakfast? Yeah.

And they're all right?

Yeah. And the house was clean?

Well, it's not sticky anymore.

Huh.

What do you mean, huh?

I gotta be honest.

I did think all hell would break loose,
but I thought you wouldn't know what to

do and you'd panic and come running to
me, but you didn't.

It was pretty rough, but I got through
it.

Exactly. You can do this.

What are you saying, Judy?

I'm saying that last night I read two
chapters of my book in the bathtub. The

bathtub. And then I got nine hours of
sleep.

Bill, it was like being on vacation. No,
no, it was better. It was like being

alone on vacation.

And three. Now everybody's back to
normal.

No, no, I can be good, cop.

You pick up the slack. The kids are fun.
Just be a...

Not fine.

Brian got practically died.

Good luck with that stain. A little club
soda ought to do the trick.

Judy, you can't change the natural order
of the universe. Hey, kids, who's up

for a game of baseball hockey?

No, no, no, no. I just vacuumed in
there.

It's your turn to set the table. No,
it's not.

I emptied the dishwasher.

I emptied the dishwasher. Now set the
table. You do it. Okay, enough.

This happens every night. You argue for
15 minutes over something that takes 10

seconds to do.

Your mother's sick of it. Isn't that
right, Judy?

Huh?

You're sick of this, right?

Oh, I wasn't really listening. I was
just thinking how this bell pepper sort

looks like Jay Leno.

Man, I hope you two are happy. You've
gotten your mother really angry.

She doesn't seem angry. That's when
she's at her scariest. She's so angry,

smiling.

You know what? If we put all this food
in tortillas, we don't need plates.

Oh, my God. Now she's threatening more
fun. What are we going to do?

Oh, Brian, I'm scared.

Just shut up and set the table.

Whatever. You don't have to yell. I'm
not yelling. I'm emphasizing.

Daddy, can I have cereal for dinner?

Ask your mother.

It's fine with me if it's fine with your
father.

What?

No, honey.

Why not?

Because, honey, cereal's for breakfast.
You eat it for dinner, your body will

think it's morning, you won't be able to
get to sleep, and monsters will come.

I don't care. I want cereal.

Well, you can't have it. Why?

Because I'm the father in this house,
and what I say goes.

You're mean.

Okay, that's it. Could you go upstairs
and leave us alone?

Oh, I can't go upstairs. Count Chalk and
I might be hiding under my bed. Just

go.

It's over, Judy.

What's over?

Did you hear what I said to Tina? I
sounded just like my father, and I

sound just like my father.

Oh, but I love Mike. Will you turn that
crap down?

No, I just did it again.

That's it, that's it. I'm done being bad
cop.

Oh, so I'm supposed to swoop back in and
start yelling? No, thanks.

I've had a taste of being a good cop,
and I like it. I like it a lot.

Well, that may be, but your plan has one
fatal flaw.

You can only be good cop as long as I'm
willing to be bad cop. The minute I

quit, we're back to square one. So guess
what?

I quit.

You can't quit. Yes, I can.

You know what that means, Judy? There
are two good cops in town.

Two good cops?

Well, this should be fun.

Ah, yeah, that sounds like fun now. But
by tomorrow, those kids will be running

around like monkeys in a donut shop.

Or you in a donut shop.

Exactly. When that happens, which one of
us do you think is going to blink

first? I guess we'll just have to wait
and see. Come on, Judy.

You've been good cop for a day and a
half.

I've been on the force my entire life.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, Tina, you can have cereal for
dinner.

Hey, Tina, would you rather have cake?

I'll see you in hell.

Yeah, Linda.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Making myself a sandwich.

What one?

Ice cream and chocolate chip cookies.
Aren't you going to ruin your dinner?

Not if I don't eat dinner until
midnight.

Isn't that faster bedtime?

You know, we don't really have bedtimes
anymore.

are running amok. I have no problem with
that, Judy.

Fine with me. This place looks like it
was hit by a tornado.

Brett, what are you doing?

Mom and Dad, let me take the VTR apart.

I wanted to see if I could put it back
together.

Can you?

Yeah. What's that part?

Well, then, no.

Hey.

What's going on here?

And, uh, do you have any left?

What's going on? We've just decided to
let our children do whatever they want.

No one has to eat it if they don't want
to. Damn it, I was going to say that.

Yeah, but you didn't, did you?

Okay, I see what's going on here. And I
think it's really selfish of the both of

you.

Now, I told you I was bringing over the
pictures of my cats that I took from my

photography class.

And this is just your way of getting rid
of me so you don't have to look at

them.

You got us guilty as charged.

That's it, I'm leaving.

I'm walking through the door.

I'm opening the door.

I'm closing the door.

I'm walking down the stairs.

I'm okay.

Hey, Lord.

Kiddo. Hey.

How was that ice cream sandwich I let
you have?

though. I think I gotta skip dinner.

Oh, hey, that's cool.

Who says cool anymore?

Kids still say cool.

Oh, cool.

Right on.

Listen, Mom, Dad.

Bill and Judy.

Bill and Judy.

Well, you know how I've been begging you
guys to let me get a belly button ring?

Yeah.

Well, since you guys have been so cool
lately, I thought maybe I could get one.

So can I, Bill? Can I, Judy?

You guys aren't cool with this. I get
it.

No, no, no, no, no. It's cool with me.
All kinds of cool.

You just got to ask your mother.

Mom?

No.

I knew it.

I mean, no, you don't have to ask me. If
your father says yes, then the answer

is yes.

Oh, my God, I can't believe it. Oh, you
are the...

Don't mention it. Can you take me
tomorrow?

Take you tomorrow?

Yeah, since I'm only 13, I have to have
a parent accompany me. So, can you, Dad?

I mean, Bill?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh, thank you so much.

You're the best.

Well, looks like I'm taking my little
girl to get her belly button pierced.

Sure does.

So, you getting ready to blink?

Not even close.

Really? Me neither.

See these eyes?

Wide open, baby.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

How was karate?

I broke a board with my head.

Really?

Well, actually, I lost my balance trying
to kick and fell into a wall, but a

board did break.

Good for you, honey.

So, Lauren's getting her belly button
pierced, huh?

We're cool with it, okay?

We're cool parents, got it? Okay.

You know, Mom, you are cool.

Can I drive the car?

What? Just for a little bit.

You're 14.

Randy Moscott's only 14. He gets to
drive a car all the time.

You don't have a friend named Randy
Moscott.

I know, but, Mom, there's no snow on the
ground, and I promise I'll be careful.

I said no.

Just around this parking lot over there.
It's totally empty.

Brian, I'm sorry you can't drive.

Fine.

I bet Dad would let me. What'd you say?

Dad.

He'd let me drive.

Then again, he's the fun one.

He is, is he?

What are you doing?

Switch places.

You mean it? Yep.

My God, I can't believe this is
happening.

Okay. The important thing is to keep
your hands on the wheel at all times.

Ten and two.

Really? Because Dad's hands are usually
at noon and his nose.

Well, I'm going to teach you the right
way.

Okay.

Grab that handle there and very slowly
put it into drive.

Slowly. Yes, ma 'am.

You want to be on the break when you do
that, Brian. Which one's the break? The

one on your left. Which one's that?

Not that one.

Wow.

I keep seeing that squirrel.

Me too.

And then those bushes.

Me too.

And then that dumpster.

Mommy needs to see next a beer.

When you get to the kitchen, the fridge
is on your left.

Hey. Judy.

Oh, Bill, sit down.

What's going on?

Well, Brian asked me if he could drive
the car.

And let's just say I'm not playing this
good cop, bad cop game anymore.

Because you wouldn't let him, huh?

You blinked. No, actually, I didn't. I
let him drive, and when we hit the

dumpster, we all blinked.

Except the squirrel he ran over. He'll
never blink again.

You let him drive?

I know it was stupid, but he asked, and
I didn't want to be a bad cop. I know he

asked, but you weren't supposed to let
him.

Wait a minute. What?

Nothing.

Oh, my God. You put him up to it. No, I
didn't. Brian, did your father put you

up to it? Yes.

Oh, wow.

I don't believe you. You were supposed
to say no. You were supposed to blink.

I did say no, but he kept asking.

What? You were supposed to stop asking
once she said no.

I know, but I really wanted to drive.

I'm just a kid. My judgment's not very
good.

It's okay, honey. No, it's not.

This house is out of control. We need
boundaries.

Look at this.

Tina, you're all sticky.

Come on.

I'm going to get you a bath and a hot
meal.

Thank you, Brian.

I can't believe you made him ask me to
drive. I can't believe you let him

I guess we're both idiots.

Oh, my God. Lauren's belly button ring.

Don't worry. She didn't go through with
it.

We went into the place, and this big
pierced guy came in with a huge needle.

She got scared and asked Daddy to take
her home.

You blinked, didn't you? Of course I
did. She was checking out tattoos. She

never going to blink.

I'm just glad one of us used good
judgment today.

So I guess this means the days of two
good cops are over.

Oh, yeah.

I sure will miss reading in the tub.

I can be bad cop every once in a while.

I'm not going to lie to you, Judy.

It's nice pushing small people around.

Thanks, Bill. Yeah, don't mention it.

Lauren, get off the phone and start your
homework.

Although... Brian can be bad cop till
the kids go to bed.

Then I'll be bad cop for the rest of the
night.

Well, we won't need a bad cop once the
kids go to... Oh.

Officer, I'm a bad, bad girl driving
down a deserted country lane.

Hey,

Brian, you're a quick thinker, right?

Yeah, you know, actually, some of my
teachers... Think quick!

Very funny, Dad, although I don't think
Mom would find it very funny.

I don't care what your mother thinks.

Dad, she's right behind you.

Oh, isn't it funny how your mother's
always right behind you?

I'll tell you one thing. If she is, she
can kiss my butt.

Come on, lay one on there, Judy.

Come on.

Right cheek or left?

Nice try, Lauren.

What, Dad?

Bill, are you going to turn around?

That depends.

Don't you want a little more of this?

I wouldn't have it any other way Cause
you make me happy