Original subtitles

(dramatic music)

(lightning striking)

(soft upbeat music)

(static buzzing)

(lighter clicking)

(smoker exhaling)

(upbeat rock music)

("I Don't Wanna Grow Up" by Tom Waits)

♪ When I'm lying in my bed at night ♪

♪ I don't wanna grow up ♪

♪ Nothing ever seems to turn out right ♪

♪ I don't wanna grow up ♪

♪ How do you move in a world of fog ♪

♪ That's always changing things ♪

♪ Makes me wish that I could be a dog ♪

♪ When I see the price that you pay ♪

♪ I don't wanna grow up ♪

♪ I don't ever wanna be that way ♪

♪ I don't wanna grow up ♪

♪ Seems like folks turn into things that they'd never want ♪

♪ The only thing to live for is today ♪

♪ I'm gonna put a hole in my TV set ♪

♪ I don't wanna grow up ♪

♪ Open up the medicine chest ♪

♪ And I don't wanna grow up ♪

♪ I don't wanna have to shout it out ♪

♪ I don't want my hair to fall out ♪

♪ I don't wanna be filled with doubt ♪

♪ I don't wanna be a good boy scout ♪

♪ I don't wanna have to learn to count ♪

♪ I don't wanna have the biggest amount ♪

♪ No, I don't wanna grow up ♪

(women squealing)

(upbeat rock music)

♪ When I see the 5 o'clock news ♪

♪ I don't wanna grow up ♪

♪ Comb their hair and shine their shoes ♪

♪ I don't wanna grow up ♪

♪ Stay around in my old hometown ♪

♪ I don't wanna put no money down ♪

♪ I don't wanna get me a big old loan ♪

♪ Work them fingers to the bone ♪

♪ I don't wanna float on a broom ♪

♪ Fall in love and get married then boom ♪

♪ How the hell did I get here so soon ♪

♪ No, I don't wanna grow up ♪

(music fading out)

(wind blowing)

(cellphone jingling)

(cellphone jingling)

- What time is it?

(cellphone jingling)

(siren blaring in distance)

- [Ben] Let's send it over to Scotch Evans

for our weekly Night Life feature.

- Thanks, Ben. I'm Scotch Evans.

And last night I went to Ibiza 86,

an exotic little Spanish number which is pretty much

the hottest night spot in New York this season.

How hot, you ask?

So hot my pants nearly caught on fire.

- Why are you hang up with that guy?

- Uh-uh.

- Mm-mm, he's such a tease.

- Uh-uh.

- This is a Spanish space station.

It's the signature drink there.

- Do you know how he calls himself?

- What?

- The Candy Man.

- No he doesn't.

- Oh yeah, oh yeah.

He gave the same line to me and three of my girlfriends

in the same night.

Something about us being sweet and him being the Candy Man.

Hm.

- Dios mio, smooth.

- Yeah, that's why it's called a line.

- Trust me, the Candy Man is an asshole.

Mm.

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

- [Madeline] Hey, Jack, it's me. Are you up?

- Yes.

- I'm Scotch Evans, and this has been--

- [Jack] All right, I'll see you tonight, Madeline.

- Hey, drop it like it's hot.

- Yeah, my love.

(phone beeping)

- Wait, you don't have a girlfriend now, no?

- What, are you crazy?

(people chattering)

- Mm, Christ almighty.

Am I the only one with a boner in here?

You're like the Ray Charles of pussy hounding.

You see nothing.

- Pussy hounding?

- Yeah, trim patrol.

- Are you wearing makeup?

- For my job.

Cuts down on the glare, dick.

Wanna hear something awesome?

- I'd like some awesome vodka right about now.

- This girl from Verneer magazine,

doing a story on playboys in Manhattan.

- Kate Hardwick?

- They call you too?

- No, I just,

no.

- Sorry (chuckles).

Do you realize how much wool I'm gonna pull after this?

- Yeah, that's cool that she called you.

- I know, that's what I'm saying.

Look, I'm taking her out.

She's gotta understand how I roll.

Like a pimp.

I need you to sound the alarm on some ass tonight.

Try to call some girls who don't hate me.

I'll have the seared ostrich, a la paisan.

And start me off with a plate of short ribs.

And get this bread outta here. I don't wanna look at it.

(footsteps sliding)

- Hey. - Hey.

(door creaking and closing)

- Jack. - What?

- No more dirty looks.

- What do you wanna dig up next time?

- Ow.

Ow!

(Jack laughing)

(Carolina sighing)

(both breathing hard)

- I'm getting married on the 15th of April.

- When'd you start smoking them?

(Carolina exhaling)

- I wanted to tell you in person.

Jack.

- It's okay.

- Asshole.

You're my best friend.

- Aren't you supposed to marry your best friend?

- Jack.

- What am I supposed to do?

- Be happy for me.

(soft guitar music)

(elevator dinging)

- What are you gonna be for Halloween?

- When's Halloween?

- Next Tuesday. How do you not know when Halloween is?

- I've got a lot going on lately.

- Like what?

- Personal stuff.

- Oh.

Like girl problems?

- Yeah, sort of.

So what do you think I should be?

- I'll think about it.

- Okay.

(door thudding)

(elevator dinging)

- What's your name?

- Jack.

- I'm Sophie.

♪ Everything I say falls away ♪

♪ Like the fade on the radio song ♪

♪ And everything I try will pass me by ♪

♪ Like the tide seems to rise then it's gone ♪

♪ And there's something to be said ♪

♪ For company in bed this time of morning ♪

- [Ozzy] Frosty!

- Who's that?

- Frosty!

Frosty, yo!

- Is that Miss Crack Attack?

- She doesn't like to be called that anymore.

- Frosty, I'm coming up and I'm bringing the ice!

- Hey, baby. - Oh.

- Hey, Parsley, hey, Serafina.

- Frosty! - Hey.

- Hi.

- Hey, beautiful.

- Oh, I just love you. I've missed you so much.

You know I just love you so much.

Hey, any of you faggots wanna shotgun a beer?

(soft music)

(Ozzy squealing)

(soft music)

(metal clanging)

- Ah!

- I win!

So uh, what's with all the models?

- You're a model.

- I'm an actress slash model slash artist, okay?

Can we get rid of these bitches

and play caps or something?

- Why don't you try and make some friends?

You could use some more of those.

- Okay, Dad.

♪ Am I the poster girl? ♪

(singer shouting)

♪ She's the kind of girl who gets her slings ♪

♪ And arrows from the dumpster ♪

♪ The kind who tells you she's bipolar ♪

♪ Just to make you trust her ♪

♪ She's the kinda girl who leaves out condoms ♪

♪ On the bedroom dresser ♪

♪ Just to make you jealous of the men she fucked ♪

♪ Before you met her ♪

("Dirty Business" by the Dresden Dolls)

♪ To all the ones that thought they knew me best ♪

♪ A test to prove your prowess ♪

♪ Who was mine in '99 ♪

♪ I want last names and current status ♪

♪ To all the ones that hated me the most a toast ♪

♪ You really had me going for a second ♪

♪ I was nervous, boy, am I the poster girl ♪

♪ For some suburban sickness? ♪

♪ Better keep a healthy distance ♪

♪ Now it's up to you, know what to do ♪

♪ It's pretty dirty business ♪

(singer shouting)

- Ozzy, are you coming?

- [Ozzy] Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

I just take a long time in the bathroom.

I am a woman, you know.

(siren blaring in distance)

(door buzzing)

- Yeah, be right down.

(footsteps clacking)

(siren blaring in distance)

Ozzy, sure you're okay in there?

- Yeah, yeah.

You go, go.

Have fun, you goddam bon vivant.

- Come on, Jack. We're leaving.

Jack? Let's go.

(upbeat rock music)

♪ Lovely thing (indistinct) ♪

♪ Don't think I'm get get getting ♪

(group chattering)

- Ladies.

(group chattering)

- Relax, man.

♪ Your fat cherry lips ♪

- This thing cost me like three grand.

Jack, this is Kate.

- Kate Hardwick.

- That's Parsley, Serafina Landingham.

- Hi. - Hi.

- This is my favorite part of the evening, you know.

Are you gonna report that?

(group chattering)

Actually, it's a Bentley.

- Actually, it's a Chrysler.

(upbeat rock music)

- Hey, everybody. - Hey.

(group laughing)

- Feel the burn, oh.

Let's just have sex with each other.

♪ Is on the floor ♪

♪ She's wanting more, she's wanting more ♪

♪ My love is overflowing ♪

♪ She's wanting ♪

- You can call me the Candy Man. Whatever.

I like your writing.

I read, lots.

Have you read "In the Time of Cholerus"?

"Love in the Time of Cholerus."

It's heavy.

- Uh-huh.

- We should do Pilates together. It's all about your core.

- Okay, yeah, that's ...

- I swear to God I'm gonna shoot you if you don't quit this.

- Okay.

(upbeat rock music)

- Where do I get water?

- The toilet?

- Oh.

(rock music)

(group laughing and chattering)

- Why didn't you take my office's calls?

- I don't really take calls.

- Well I, I was hoping to interview you.

- Regarding?

- I'm writing about playboys.

- You're writing for Playboy?

- No, I'm writing-- - I know.

- So, can I interview you?

- I'm not a playboy.

- Jack. Hey, baby.

- Hey, Stella.

- Haven't seen you in a while. I like your shirt.

- [Jack] I like your shirt.

- [Stella] Let's trade.

- Okay. - Here.

- Yeah, woo!

(upbeat rock music)

- That's my drink.

Thanks, bitch.

- Why are you writing this article?

- Why are you living it?

- Oh.

- Not that it's any of your business,

but I'm working on a novel.

This is a way to pay the bills.

- I've played tennis with your father.

- You have?

- Cubby Hardwick? You don't need to pay your bills.

If you wanna write a novel, just write it.

- Oh, it's so simple.

- Yeah, what are you, stuck?

- Okay, so you wrote a book what, six years ago?

- Seven.

- And you now, you do this?

- Why are you getting mad at me?

- I'm not mad.

- It's okay to get mad. Just write your novel.

- It's so easy.

- If it's so hard, maybe you should do something else.

- Maybe you should grow up, Peter Pan.

- Gee, thanks, Tinker Bell.

I've got one for you. Peter Pan, he's the fucking man.

That's why they named the book after him.

Good evening.

(indistinct singing)

- Good evening.

♪ Oh my darling, oh my darling ♪

♪ Oh my darling, Clementine ♪

(gentle music)

(gentle music continues)

(gentle music continues)

♪ You're my favorite doll ♪

- (coughs) Jack, I'm half in the bag.

I think I pissed myself.

I'm sorry.

- You're okay.

- I saw the Promised Land tonight.

- Yeah, what happened with that reporter?

- She bailed out (imitates plane crashing).

She flew too close to the sun.

(Scotch laughing)

What? Hm?

- Nothing.

- She's cute, though, right, with that British accent?

Uh.

- I don't know, whatever, yeah.

- You're ...

Ah.

You want some chicken?

- No, thanks.

- I eat too much.

I have a problem.

- You're okay.

- No I'm not.

(Scotch crying)

- Give me a hug, bro!

Come on, man, bring it in.

Come on, dude.

- Dude.

- Dude, just a hug.

- Bro.

(hand patting)

- All right, that's what I'm talking about.

That's cool.

- Why don't you go sleep it off in the guestroom?

- Ah.

I'll probably just go sleep it off in the guestroom.

- That's a good idea.

(muffled rock music through earphones)

(muffled music continues)

(knob clicking)

(soft music)

- You know you're gonna marry me. You're just gonna.

Oh, Frosty, when do I get to meet your family?

You know that a play the flute?

Correction, I'm a child prodigy on the flute.

I'm Scrabble champion.

Remember that time, you didn't believe me

then I kicked your ass?

- I remember.

- Aw, Frosty, we're getting married. I know you.

I know all about you.

- I couldn't get married. I don't think I have it in me.

- Oh shut up, didn't you hear what I just said?

I said I know you.

I'm a good listener.

- Yeah.

- We're getting married, and soon, I'm gonna have babies.

You know I'd be an amazing mom.

- Yeah, I know.

(cellphone musical ringtone)

- Hello!

Hey!

Oh hi, no.

You know what, I didn't call in because my friend

actually had an accident.

So, I'm at the hospital.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I, I can make it.

Okay.

Okay, bye.

Rats, I have to go to a casting.

Remember, marriage, I told you. Mwah.

- Take something to eat with you.

Can we get some to go?

- Oh, yeah, there you go, Bender baby.

You must be so hungry. Bye.

(patrons murmuring)

- Can I get a couple more of these?

(doorbell ringing)

(gentle music)

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Prince. For Halloween.

- The singer?

- No, a real prince. Girls love princes.

- Oh. You gonna be a princess?

- No, I'm gonna be a giraffe.

- Wow.

Why?

- Giraffes are cool.

Why aren't you at work?

- I don't really work.

- You don't have a job?

- No.

- My dad works all the time.

So does my mom.

So, do you think maybe

you could take me trick-or-treating?

- Really?

- I mean, if you're not busy or something.

- Shit yeah.

Sorry, I swear a lot.

Is this okay with your parents?

- I'm 11. I'm almost a teenager.

- So what do I wear?

- Velvet, duh.

- Hey, you wanna play some pool?

- Oh no, I've got a guitar lesson.

- Do you rock out?

- Yeah, I rock out.

- All right, bad-ass, Jesus.

- I can play "Stairway to Heaven."

- Really?

- Yeah.

I gotta split.

- Okay.

- See ya.

(gentle guitar music)

(door opening)

(horn honking)

- [Carolina] Can you please like him?

- I like him. I mean, he's Russell.

I also liked grilled cheeses,

but what does that have to do with it?

Come on, you know we're supposed to get married.

- You never asked.

- Okay now, what if I did ask?

- I'd say no.

- No you wouldn't.

- Jack.

You shoulda come last night.

- So I missed your dinner party. Who gives a shit?

What'd you eat?

- Do you know how weird it is when you,

of all people, don't show up?

People think ...

- Oo, oo, people think. Scary.

(phone ringing in distance)

- Jack, the girl in the morning was a long time ago.

- Don't you think this is all going a little fast?

- Russell and I have been together for five years.

- It hasn't been five years.

- [Carolina] Yes, it has.

- You're driving me crazy.

- We're just talking.

- I gotta get outta here.

And another thing, there's no way I'm gonna let you

marry Russell, so just, just deal with that.

Try trying.

(phone ringing in distance)

(gentle guitar music)

(gentle guitar music continues)

(gentle guitar music continues)

(music stops)

(no audio)

- How are your women problems?

- They suck.

(upbeat piano music)

♪ Imaginary girl, here's a song for you ♪

♪ Sorry it took, forever ♪

(candy clattering)

♪ I know it's really nothing ♪

♪ It was the least I could do ♪

♪ Better late, than never ♪

♪ I was stranded in the middle of the night ♪

♪ I was washed out to sea ♪

♪ Out of the water ♪

♪ You appeared like a dream to me ♪

♪ And I wanna thank you ♪

♪ Imaginary girl, you blow my mind ♪

♪ You got to be joking ♪

♪ I know I dream a lot ♪

♪ But I could do it full time ♪

♪ If the position was open ♪

♪ Things have changed since you came my way ♪

♪ You gave me something to live for ♪

♪ Darkened the night and brightened up my day, yeah ♪

♪ And I wanna thank you ♪

(upbeat music)

- [Sophie] Run!

(upbeat music)

- Aw.

Little fucking hoodlums.

("Imaginary Girl" by the Silver Seas)

(upbeat music)

♪ Imaginary girl, this is a song for you ♪

♪ Be mine forever ♪

♪ I really need to know if you feel this too ♪

- (indistinct) Especially if you don't

have something in them.

If you have something in them, they're okay.

Otherwise, you know.

- Here, you take it.

- Really?

Thanks.

So, are you sure you wanna marry her?

- Jesus, yeah.

I mean, yeah, I think so.

I know that I don't want her to marry

someone else, though, right?

- That seems selfish.

- She's been saying we're gonna get married

since we were like your age.

She's a liar.

- Why do you wanna marry a liar?

- Aren't you listening? She made a promise.

- So what? You were like 11.

That would be like me marrying Tommy from karate class

like 50 years from now.

- All right, all right, all right.

Can I have a bag of peanuts?

- Sure.

(candy rustling)

Don't be sad.

- I'll try, but it's a bitch.

- Good night, Prince.

- Good night.

(lips smacking)

- Happy Halloween.

- Happy Halloween, Giraffe.

(upbeat music)

- Mr. Frost, your guest arrived. She's upstairs.

I believe she's Cinderella.

(upbeat music)

- No way, are you serious?

Oh hey, Jack, how are you?

- Not so good.

- So guess what we're dressed up as.

- I don't know.

Colonel Sanders and the chick from the Eurythmics?

- No. Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

- Mr. Frost, your guest, a Miss Ozzy, sir

- [Carolina] What are you dressed up as, Jack?

- It's a good thing I ran into you.

Next month, my book club is meeting at Amy's house.

- Oh great, you're here.

(lips smacking)

Tinker Bell works for Verneer magazine.

Russell's dressed up like a writer.

Caroline is marrying him.

- Well, actually, I'm dressed up as Hemingway,

but I'm also a writer.

- Hi, it's nice to meet you.

- You're prettier in person. I've been reading your work.

- Yeah, Carolina is one of my main inspirations.

- I'm Jack's editor.

- He must be very demanding.

- No, he's not actually.

- Hey, how's your novel going?

- I ...

- Are you writing a novel?

- Yeah, it's called Untitled Work in Progress Number Six,

but right now she's writing an article about playboys.

- Oh, you should write about Jack.

- Actually I've been thinking about settling down recently.

- Hm.

- Okay, well, um, it was nice meeting you.

- Nice to meet you. Happy Halloween.

- Happy Halloween.

- She's a pretty one.

- Yeah, she's a real knockout.

- Your guest, uh, Cinderella, is cavorting, on the bar.

- Wow, Jack, Cinderella and Tinker Bell.

You keep real magical company.

- Thanks, Gatsby.

- So, Jack, what are you dressed up as?

- I'm a fucking prince, man.

(upbeat rock music)

- Dude, hey. - Hey.

- Did you do shave your butt?

- No, no.

I waxed.

- Frosty!

Frosty!

Frosty.

So, who are all these suckers?

- Hey, Ozzy.

- Hey.

Let's go to the bar, it's getting crowded here.

- That's Scotch.

- Yeah, I know that, silly. God.

This party blows ass.

- Two shots of whiskey please.

- Yeah, that's what I was talking about, my blood.

(upbeat rock music)

What?

- Do you have a boyfriend?

- No.

- I find that hard to believe.

- Are you wearing Channel Number Five?

- No. Number 19.

- Ooh, risky.

Well I'm going to powder the kitten,

so why don't you just wait here.

- I live in the here.

- Hey, Scotch.

- Hey, Foxy, what are you dressed as,

a slutty businesswoman?

Me likes.

- These are my real clothes.

- Oh, so what are you doing here?

You wanna interview me again?

- No. I'm having a drink.

- Seriously.

(upbeat rock music)

- (laughs) Do you realize how disgusting you are?

- Yeah.

(upbeat rock music)

- Frosty, where did you go?

- I think this belongs to you.

- The women in here are mean.

And they have bad hair.

I kinda like this one, though.

She's cute, isn't she? She's cute.

Let's take her home with us.

We'll do naughty stuff to you.

You know we will (laughs).

- I should take you home.

- No.

Later, losers!

Ow.

You're coming with us.

- I don't think so.

(heels clicking)

- I wanna play caps.

Just one shot.

We'll just do one shot.

- Where's the bathroom?

- Oh, it's right ...

(ice rattling)

- Just one shot.

- Ozzy.

Ozzy.

- Sit down, motherfucker!

(cap hissing)

(Jack sighing)

(glass clanking)

Let's make this interesting.

If I win,

I take off all my clothes

and we sleep together.

And if you win ...

- You go to rehab.

(Ozzy gulping)

- For what?

(liquid pouring)

Okay.

- [Jack] Okay.

(Ozzy laughing)

- Ah!

(Ozzy giggling)

(cap rattling)

- All right.

- No. - Yeah.

- I didn't even get to win.

- I know.

- You kiss me.

- I'm putting you to bed.

- Aw.

I don't wanna go to bed.

- Yeah.

- You go to bed.

(upbeat music)

♪ Let me tell you about the birds and the bees ♪

♪ And the flowers and the trees ♪

♪ And the moon up above ♪

- So what's with all these young girls?

- What, are you joking?

- You've really got it all figured out.

- Yes, I do. Thank you.

See, now we're having a dialogue.

Exchanging ideas, thoughts. Just, boom.

- Sure, playboy.

So what are you gonna do with your life?

- I'm thinking of this.

It's called a boilermaker.

So what are you good at?

- I'm good at geography.

- All right, geek. What's the capital of Papua New Guinea?

- Port Moresby. Seriously, what do you do?

- What are you, my biographer?

♪ From A to Z ♪

- Who's that?

- That's my mother.

- She's beautiful. Where does she live?

- She died. Do you know how to make a tequila sunrise?

- I'm sorry.

- Shit, neither do I.

- What happened?

- She got sick. I was 17.

It was a long time ago. It's okay.

I'm gonna get some drinks.

You want a sidecar or something?

- I should be going.

- Look, I'm a prince. I'm not gonna hit on you.

I'll get some beers. Take your clothes off.

I'm fucking with you.

You should see your face.

("The Birds and the Bees" by Jewel Akens)

(upbeat music)

You got a boyfriend?

- Not right now.

- So you're dating?

- Yeah, I guess.

- Dating.

What is that?

Do people really go out to dinner and have conversations?

- So I take it you don't have a girlfriend?

- No, I'm waiting for love.

- Yeah, I can, I can see that.

- I'm serious.

- So you've never been in love?

- Yeah, I've been in love. It only happens once.

- Don't think that's true.

- That's because you've never been in love.

- Wait, so ...

You're waiting to fall in love, but you've been in love

and you think it only happens once?

- Yeah.

- So you're waiting for something that by your

own definition will never happen.

- It's actually more fun than it sounds.

- God, it sounds awful.

- Welcome to the jungle.

(can banging)

(horns beeping)

(no audio)

(no audio)

(shoes slipping)

(heels clicking)

(door closing)

(Ozzy sniffling)

(gentle guitar music)

(Ozzy sighing)

- 1566 Grand Street. It's in Brooklyn.

- Oh, man, are you shitting me?

Couldn't even spring for a place by the beach?

Cheap ass.

(gentle music)

I wish you were coming with.

(gentle music)

(footsteps thudding)

- Don't ask, Hussein.

(ball thudding)

(ball thudding)

- Ugh, dick.

(Scotch groaning)

(Scotch groaning)

Fuck! You cannot be serious!

Don't get so cocky. These courts are jacked.

There's cracks everywhere. I can't get a good bounce.

I don't understand why we can't just play at the club.

- They make you dress like an asshole.

- Dude, it's called tradition.

Your great-grandfather founded the place.

Does that mean anything to you?

- Jesus, stop.

- Shoot me straight.

Think I screwed up with that reporter chick?

She's not returning my calls.

- She left me a message.

- And?

- I didn't call her back yet.

- Think she wants background?

You oughta call her.

Dude, seriously, I need this.

- No, you don't.

- You know I do.

(traffic passing)

- Please don't make him look like an asshole.

- Who?

Scotch on the rocks.

- I'm serious.

- Okay, well then, give me something nice

about him I can use.

- He loves animals.

- Come on.

- What do you want from me?

- He's fat, he's not funny, he's got no manners,

he's socially retarded.

He wears women's perfume.

And he would literally fuck a goat.

(Kate chuckles)

Look, he's my friend. I don't wanna see him get hurt.

So what's the book you don't write about?

- It's hard to explain.

- Yeah.

- I'm surprised at how sad yours was.

- Yeah, well, the next one'll be funnier.

- That's what I liked about it.

When are you gonna write another one?

- I'm not really a writer.

- You wrote a book.

- I just wrote that to tell someone something.

- So that's it? You're never gonna write again?

- Well if I ever have to say something

like that again I might.

- So the little girl in your book, she was real?

- Aw, Jesus.

- Oh, I also like how mysterious.

- She was the girl in the suit.

- Oh, the one who's engaged.

I'm sorry, that must be weird.

- You ever kiss someone and felt like

you were kissing yourself?

- No.

- It's a real shit sandwich.

(people chattering in distance)

(lips smacking)

(lips smacking)

(bus brakes squealing)

(dog barking)

(people murmuring)

- Cute dog.

- Really?

- Give it to me, come on. Come on.

(Scotch smacking lips)

You wanna come over to my mom's for Thanksgiving?

She's making eggs in the bread with the little hole.

- Hey, Scotch on the rocks!

- Hey, drop it like it's hot.

- Why don't you drop 50 and don't stop, fat boy?

- What'd you say to me?

- [Heckler] I said try not to eat the dog.

I know you're hungry.

- Why don't you go climb a tree, Bruh.

- Bro, what are you gonna do, fall on us?

- You wanna face this? Hold this.

- Easy, Cochise.

- Oh is that your boyfriend?

Why don't you guys go make out?

(both laughing)

- Hey fuck you.

- Anytime, pretty boy, anytime.

Later, you fucking tub of shit.

- Shove it up your ass!

- It's okay, man.

- Why would they say that?

- Don't worry about them.

- Hey look at me. How much do you think I weigh?

- I don't care how much you weigh.

(dog barking in distance)

- Look at that little guy.

He's just doing his thing.

No one is judging him.

Born free.

(dog yipping)

- I think I'm not doing very well.

I mean emotionally.

- I know.

- I think Carolina might really go through with this.

- Yeah, I think she is.

Fuck this pessiminism.

- What?

- Pessa-fucking-anism.

I'm learning disabled. Stay positive.

Did you say let's fuck?

- Sort of.

- You musta said it wrong.

Look, we can always take this guy out if we have to.

- You wanna whack Russell?

- You gotta Jimmy down on this.

- I'm trying, man.

- Jimmy down!

Hackensack!

- Just listen.

You're making a mistake. I'm saying that as a friend.

- Jack.

- What?

- Stop.

- Stop what?

- We're not 17 anymore.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- And we tried when we were older.

- You think I'm 17?

- Stop.

Come on.

You've been in a sexual hurricane

for the last seven years.

- Oh, is this how we do it?

- Okay, I don't think that you'll ever love Russell

the way that you loved me.

- Russell and I are gonna have a life together.

We're not gonna be a story in a book.

- I wrote that for you.

- I want you to read this at the wedding.

(paper crinkling)

- I'm not reading this.

- But it's--

- I know what it is.

(paper rattling)

- I just want us all to be okay.

- We're not okay.

- (scoffs) Look, I know this isn't the right time to ask

you this, but I really need you

to go to Russell's book club.

- Are you outta your mind?

- Please, will you just go, for me?

He senses something weird between us.

- There is something weird between us. His name is Russell.

(gentle music)

(water lapping)

- [Carolina] I wait to sleep and take my waking slow.

I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.

I learn by going, where I have to go.

- You've been in here forever.

Hurry it up, son, the turkey's almost ready.

Oh and we got you a present.

(water lapping)

(paper rustling)

(paper rustling)

- I'd like to say something.

Uh.

- A toast, to the orphan Thanksgiving.

- Yeah. - Cheers.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

(women chattering)

- [Woman] Mm, you guys want some?

- [Woman 2] Yeah, pass it on.

- [Woman 1] You gonna carve the turkey?

- Yeah.

(traffic passing)

(cat purring)

(doorbell ringing)

- Happy Thanksgiving. Pumpkin pie.

- Thanks.

Hey, you wanna drink?

- I'm 11.

My mom was teaching me how to make pies today.

Turns out she's really good.

She showed me about how you have to like take a fork

and poke all the little holes in at the bottom

so the air doesn't--

- Do you ever feel like, like you're not here?

- No.

- Like, you're not you anymore. It's not gonna get better.

- Where's your family?

- My mom's dead.

- How'd she die?

- She killed herself.

- It's okay if you feel like crying.

(no audio)

- Sorry, I'm not much of a crier.

Fucking holidays.

- Are you going to be okay?

My grandmother's visiting. Do you wanna meet her?

(Jack sniffling)

- What's her name?

- Nana.

- Nana.

- Eat the pie. You'll feel better.

All right?

- All right.

Hey, high-five.

(hands slapping)

- Go ahead.

(gentle upbeat music)

(engine puttering)

- [Russell] Well, there he is. There's my literary rival.

- [Jack] Hey.

- But, no, I'll make another pass at it

because I thought that the way that he made

the geographic terrain a breathable character,

I thought was amazing.

- [Member] I'll give you that, Russell.

- I think he gets better and better.

Anyway, Jack, to bring you up to speed,

we were talking about

how the writer should

learn the rules from the masters,

and of course the masters, I'm talking about, the Greeks.

- I mean, to me, the goal of the writer has never been

that much different than the goal of the doctor.

Uh, which is to heal.

- [Russell] Jack, what do you think?

- About what?

- About the goal, the goal of the writer.

Come on, buddy, you must have some kind of an opinion.

- I don't know, uh.

Music.

Like, with some really black notes

that gives us a glimmer of where we came from.

(soft classical music)

Fuck, whatever, I don't know.

- Why don't you tell us why you wrote your book?

- I guess to tell a girl that I loved her.

I mean, I, I think that she knew it.

But I was trying to tell her something else too. Just ...

Just, just tell her that,

it was pretty clear then.

It's not so clear now.

Fuck that, I'm still in love with her

and I'm pretty sure she's in love with me.

(classical music)

I'll see you guys later. Keep up the good work.

(traffic passing)

- Jack?

I want you to stay away from her.

- Everything's fine, Russell.

- Stay away from her, Jack.

You know, I don't know what you think you're doing.

Come on, buddy, it's over.

- Fine.

(traffic rumbling)

It must kill you know to know that I fucked your wife

all those times, and we spent

almost our whole lives together.

- What did you say?

- I am more a part of who she is

than you know or will ever be.

So why don't you head back to your book club, Oprah?

(fist smacking)

- Jack.

Your book wasn't really that good.

Get a life, Jack.

(people chattering)

(Jack breathing hard)

(traffic passing)

- What do you think of that?

- No, Hondo, that's not a word.

What happened to your eye?

- I got punched in the face.

- Why?

- I'm a dick.

- No you're not.

- Yes he is.

- Yeah, Hondo, those girls you let in,

you can let them out.

- [Sophie] Why?

- Katie's coming by later.

- You are killing the dream.

- You remind me of this story my mother used to read to me.

- Oh, great.

- No, I'm serious.

It's about this guy named King John,

and no one liked him, not even Santa Claus.

- Thanks a lot.

- No, listen.

He was all alone in the whole world, so he wrote a note

to Santa Claus asking him for all these presents.

- Yeah?

- Like a knife, chocolate, oranges, crackers and nuts.

But most, most of all, what he really wanted

was a big red Indian ball.

- I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

All he wanted was a rubber ball?

- I don't think it matters what he wanted.

It just matters that he knew what he wanted.

(traffic passing)

It's nice.

- What's nice?

- Having someone to talk to.

(traffic passing)

(doorbell ringing)

(latch clicking)

- Did you tell Russell I was in love with you?

- I don't know, maybe.

- Why would you do that?

- I went to the goddam book club.

- Are you trying to ruin my life?

- I'm trying to save your life.

(sirens blaring in distance)

- Oh, Jesus.

(sirens blaring in distance)

What's going on here?

- I'm cooking dinner.

- You're cooking?

- Yeah, I cook.

- You don't cook.

- Maybe you should just slow down.

Can we talk about this tomorrow?

I have someone coming over.

- Who? Carrot, Parsnip, Raspberry?

- No, Kate.

- Ugh.

Russell likes her writing.

- Russell wouldn't know a good book

if it bit him in the face.

- You like her.

(door banging)

(door creaking)

- You've gotta be kidding me.

(Carolina exhaling)

- Fuck.

(door sliding and banging)

Oh. I'm a bad person.

- No you're not.

- Russell's at his bachelor party.

- How is Rocky anyway?

(Carolina sneering)

- Ugh.

(gentle guitar music)

- Why are you crying?

- I gotta go.

♪ They say that I tricked you ♪

(phone ringing)

(Kate chattering on greeting)

♪ And that's why you are here ♪

(phone beeping)

♪ That's the reason you stay here ♪

♪ How awful that must feel ♪

(gentle guitar music)

♪ You said you'd be my dream ♪

♪ I could have you every night ♪

♪ And if by morning, I've forgotten you ♪

♪ No big deal that'll be all right ♪

♪ Because you're the reoccurring kind ♪

♪ You're the reoccurring kind ♪

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

- Fuck you!

- What?

- [Scotch] You know exactly what, asshole.

- Scotch, I don't know what you're talking about.

- Well, then you can read all about it, I guess.

Douche bag.

- Hello.

(traffic passing)

Hey!

- I can tell you've been exfoliating.

Your pores look amazing.

- You're so sweet. Thank you.

- Of course.

- Oh hey, Stephie, have you met the last

international playboy?

- I was trying to help you.

- What makes you think I need your help?

Steph, could you give us a sec?

Being your friend sucks.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- You take everything.

This was my thing, and you took it.

- Took it?

She made me look like an asshole.

Puppeteer of women's emotions. Fundamentally broken.

- I'm broken.

I guess nobody cares about me.

- I care about you.

- Oh, so is that why you said I was ...

Wait, let me make sure I don't misquote you.

Fat and unfunny?

- Scotch.

- No, not this time.

- Come on.

(paper rustling)

- I'm not joking.

I can't be friends with you anymore.

Fucking cock.

- I got it.

(phone ringing)

(people chattering)

Let me just get my apology outta the way.

I'm sorry, but this is fucked up.

- I wrote my story.

- That's not what you did.

(phone ringing)

What the hell is wrong with you?

- Have you been drinking?

- I am drinking.

- You think nothing you do has any consequences.

- This has consequences!

(magazine thudding)

- Oh poor you, stop being a child.

- Why the fuck is everyone calling me a child?

Do you realize how old I am?

- You think you're so mature.

- Yes, and I'm getting married.

- Congratulations.

- Fuck you.

- And my condolences to the bride.

- Go to hell.

- You go to hell, dickhead.

- Fine, I will.

- Good. - Yeah.

- Yeah!

- [Jack] Good!

(traffic whooshing)

(gentle music)

(traffic passing)

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

- I need to see you.

- Jack, I can't deal with this right now.

I'm at the wedding library.

I'll call you later, okay?

- Wedding library?

(gentle music)

(gentle upbeat music)

(gentle upbeat music continues)

(gentle upbeat music continues)

(gentle upbeat music continues)

(music fading out)

- Jesus.

- What do you think?

- Marry me?

(footsteps thudding)

- Jack, don't do this.

- I'm doing this.

Marry me.

I mean it, I love you.

(Carolina sniffling)

(Carolina sniffling)

(door bells jingling)

- There's our hot bride.

(floorboards creaking)

- I'm gonna walk home.

(soft music)

- Aw.

(soft music)

- [Sophie] Jack?

Jack?

(gentle guitar music)

- Hey there, Giraffe.

- Why are you in the bathtub?

(gentle guitar music)

Do you want me to play "Stairway" for you?

(gentle guitar music)

(guitar note)

(guitar notes)

Sorry it's outta tune.

("Stairway to Heaven" out of tune music)

(guitar banging)

(guitar breaking)

(footsteps fading)

(door closing)

(somber music)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(doorbell ringing)

(traffic passing in distance)

(doorbell ringing)

- [Sophie] Hondo?

- [Hondo] You can't go outside like that. It's freezing.

- I'm not going outside. I'm looking for Jack.

- I'm reading about him right now.

This is great.

- He smashed my guitar, and I have a lesson today.

Shit.

- Oh, potty mouth. I haven't seen him for four days.

He left me this lousy dog.

You know you should hang out with other kids?

The ones your age,

because this kid.

I love this kid.

- Hondo, are you gonna help me or not?

(Hondo sighing)

- Here.

Call this goofball. He might know something.

(dog yipping)

What?

Come here, you.

- I can take care of him for you.

- [Hondo] No no, this, this guy.

There's something wrong with this guy.

I can't believe that he lives here.

Hey.

Bring that back when you're done.

And put on a sweater!

- I'm saying listen, do you know who I am?

- No.

(Scotch chuckling)

- Okay.

- I'm on TV.

Don't you think that's awesome? Because it's awesome.

- It's awesome.

- You're so pretty.

You're like a little daisy in the field.

You're like a butterfly landing on something delicate.

You're like chrynsantheum.

- Chrysanthemum?

- Right.

That's it.

(Scotch sighing)

(bartender sighing)

It's like, do you feel what's happening right here?

The connection, the energy.

Let me ask you something.

- Yeah.

(Scotch exhaling)

- Will you go to the bathroom and take off your panties

and then come back in and put them in my pocket?

If you do, don't tell me about it, okay?

Whoa!

Ow!

- You're the reason he ran away.

- Grownups don't run away.

- I know you slept with him.

(diners chattering)

- You don't understand guys like him.

- [Sophie] You've got Jack all wrong.

- He's a professional charmer. He's empty inside.

- Yeah, I can read.

Anyways, he's not empty inside.

- He's a dick.

- He knows that.

- Did he put you up to this?

- Yeah, you wish.

I don't think this is about girls.

- Well what's it about?

- I think he might do something.

I think he might hurt himself.

- Jack is not gonna hurt himself.

Jack is probably drunk doing something

you shouldn't even know about right now.

- It's how his mom died. She hurt herself.

You didn't write that he was empty.

You just said that he was broken.

I mean, isn't there a difference?

(somber music)

(phone buzzing)

(phone buzzing)

(somber music)

(seagulls calling)

(somber music)

(seagulls calling)

- I thought you were best friends.

- Yeah, well, that was another lifetime.

- Kate wrote something really mean about him.

- I know. That was supposed to be about me.

He pissed all over the best thing

that almost happened to me.

- He broke my ax.

- Typical.

- But I forgive him.

- Not my problem, lady.

- He's having an existential crisis.

- Tell it to the judge.

And what is that anyway?

- It's when you don't know who you are, so nothing matters.

I know if I were in trouble, he would help me.

- Goddammit!

Well I know who I am.

And I'm not gonna let him have

some exti-fucking-sexual thing happen.

Not on my watch.

Wait here.

I'm gonna change into something a little more appropriate.

- You're gonna bring him back, right?

- You're goddam right I am.

- You're pretty awesome.

- Really?

- Yeah, totally.

I threw eggs at you on Halloween.

- That was you?

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

- Thanks.

- Do you think you could come

to my school for career day?

- I'd have to ...

Are you messing with me?

- No.

(elevator beeping)

- I could whip something up.

(guitar music)

♪ Like houses (indistinct) ♪

(indistinct singing)

(women chattering)

(water flowing)

(glasses clinking)

- [Scotch] Geez Louise.

(guitar music)

- What are you doing here?

- I'm taking you home.

- I am home, little man.

- Come on, let's get you up.

Come on.

Hey.

- Don't rain on my boat.

- I can't believe I'm saying this,

but you can't do this forever.

Dude, what?

(Jack splashing)

Asshole.

(water gurgling)

Hackensack!

(Scotch splashing)

(water gurgling)

(water splashing)

Jack.

Get a hold of me, bro.

I need a boost!

(Scotch groaning)

Now we're even.

You got one swing left.

No one's marrying your woman.

No way, Jose.

Sophie wanted me to give you this.

(engine humming)

(engine humming)

- I'm sorry I let you down.

- Hey, man, bad breath is better than no breath at all.

- What?

- It's an expression.

- Scotch?

- What?

- Thank you.

- Yeah, I mean, it's nothing.

I mean, friends are for that, right?

(gentle guitar music)

(engine rumbling)

(gentle guitar music)

(gentle guitar music continues)

(doorbell ringing)

(gentle guitar music)

- Hey, is Sophie home?

- Just a minute.

Sophie.

Sophie.

- Hey.

- I called you like 50 times.

- Eh, I through my phone in the ocean.

- Where'd you get this?

- My mom gave it to me when I was your age.

- Your mother gave it to you, and you want me to have it?

- Yes, I do.

- Okay.

I was really worried about you.

- I'm sorry.

- I'm having pancakes with Ozzy. You should come.

- Ozzy?

- Yeah, she got out of rehab when you ran away.

I took care of her dog.

- You would.

(diners chattering)

- Thank you.

- [Sophie] Thanks.

- God, you look really good.

- Thanks.

(diners chattering)

- You know, I used to think that Jack only took care of me.

Kinda made me feel special.

- We can share him.

- Yeah, we can share him.

- All right.

(Jack groaning)

- You saved my life.

No, Jack, really.

You saved my life.

(diners chattering)

You do look like shit, though.

- Yeah, I know.

- He's just hung over. Let's not mother him.

(diners chattering)

(gentle upbeat music)

♪ Life by life ♪

♪ Leading you somewhere ♪

♪ Where you ♪

♪ Go I cannot go there ♪

♪ You're alone ♪

♪ Life by life ♪

♪ I'm losing your face ♪

♪ Left behind ♪

♪ Cleaning up your ♪

♪ Place ♪

♪ I'm alone ♪

♪ I'm alone ♪

♪ The inside of me ♪

♪ Is New York in winter ♪

♪ The inside of me ♪

♪ Is Central Park ♪

- Jack? Jack Frost.

- Mr. Hardwick.

- Nonsense. Call me Cubby.

- Okay.

- My daughter did a hell of a number on you.

- Yeah, I probably had it coming.

- That magazine, I wonder why she works there.

She's far too intelligent.

I told her.

Young man needs to wet his whistle occasionally.

- I'm not so young anymore.

- Ah, well, that happens.

There's your nemesis.

I'll see you at the table.

Care to join us, Jack.

- No, thanks, I'm finishing up.

- Do call me. - Thanks.

- It's good to see you again.

- Good to see you too.

- Hey.

- Hey. How are you?

- Pretty good. And you?

(diners chattering)

- I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry too.

- Sure you don't wanna join us?

- I can't. I'm going to a wedding this afternoon.

- Okay, well, I'll see you later.

Jack.

I never told you. Tinker Bell saves Peter Pan.

She's the reason he can fly.

I really don't know what that means,

but I kinda like the sound of it.

(diners chattering)

- Yeah.

(upbeat guitar music)

(upbeat guitar music continues)

- Mrs. Frost, one day I'm gonna marry Jack.

Not soon, but one day.

(upbeat guitar music)

(upbeat guitar music continues)

♪ I've been searching all of my days ♪

♪ All of my days ♪

♪ Many a road, you know, I've been walking along ♪

♪ All of my days ♪

♪ And I've been trying to find ♪

♪ What's been in my mind ♪

♪ As the days keep turning into night ♪

♪ Watch the sky breaking all the promise that we made ♪

♪ All of this rain ♪

♪ And I've been trying to find ♪

♪ What's been in my mind ♪

♪ As the days keep turning into night ♪

(upbeat guitar music)

♪ Many a night I found myself with no friend standing near ♪

♪ All of my days ♪

♪ I cried aloud and shook my hands ♪

♪ What I'm doing here ♪

♪ All of these days ♪

♪ For I look around me ♪

♪ And my eyes confound me ♪

♪ And it's just too bright ♪

♪ As the days keep turning into night ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- I wait to sleep and take my waking slow.

I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.

I learn by going, where I have to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.

What falls away is always in his name.

I wait to sleep and take my waking slow.

I learn by going where I have to go.

(bell dinging)

(engine humming)

(train clattering)

Thank you.

I'm happy for both of you.

- Thank you, Jack.

- This is my friend Sophie.

- Hi, Sophie, nice to meet you.

- You too.

- Hi, Sophie.

- Tequila sunrise. Shirley Temple.

(upbeat horn music)

- Hey. Boss wedding.

These fuckers really know how to do it up.

- You remember Verushka.

- Hi. - Hi, Jack.

- This is Sophie.

- Hi, Sophie. - Hi.

- Nice to meet you. - You too.

- [Scotch] Hey, Sophe.

- I liked your book.

- Yeah, very Dickensian.

- It's not at all.

- Really?

Okay.

She actually likes me. She's teaching me to read.

I think I'm in love.

Give me a minute, hon.

- [Verushka] Give me some candy.

- Da.

Woo, damn.

You okay?

- Yeah, I really am.

- Because you really shit the bed out there.

You just sat there.

- It's gone.

- Okay, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

You smoking weed?

Okay.

(upbeat horn music)

- It's gone.

It doesn't hurt anymore.

(upbeat horn music)

I'm looking for a giraffe to dance with.

(upbeat horn music)

(horn music continues)

- I've never seen you like this before.

- What do you mean?

- I mean,

happy.

- You know you may be the coolest girl I know.

- Oh shut up.

(music stops)

- I'm gonna take a walk.

Hey.

- What?

(gentle upbeat music)

(gentle upbeat music continues)

♪ This is the first day of my life ♪

♪ It's where I was born right in the doorway ♪

♪ I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed ♪

♪ They're spreading blankets on the beach ♪

♪ Yours is the first face that I saw ♪

♪ I think I was blind before I met you ♪

♪ And I don't know what I am, I don't know where I've been ♪

♪ But I know where I want to go ♪

♪ And so I thought I'd let you know ♪

♪ Yeah, these things take forever ♪

♪ I especially am slow ♪

♪ But I realize that I need you ♪

♪ And I wondered if I could come home ♪

♪ Mm-hm, mm-hm ♪

(gentle guitar music)

(gentle guitar music continues)

(music stops)

♪ Big deal ♪

♪ So you didn't get everything you felt you needed ♪

♪ So what ♪

♪ I put your cups and your clothes ♪

♪ In the middle of the sidewalk ♪

♪ Bye-bye, my babe ♪

♪ Bye-bye, my babe ♪

♪ Fuck you ♪

♪ All these faces on the TV, they make me nauseous ♪

♪ One you ♪

♪ Just guys in their ties talking trash like they mean it ♪

♪ Oh here they come ♪

♪ Oh here they come ♪

♪ Because I know ♪

♪ I should move ♪

♪ But I'm in no mood ♪

♪ And that's why I am ♪

♪ The lonesome man ♪

♪ Bye bye ♪

♪ To the thoughts I was gonna make a lot of money ♪

♪ Sometimes I wanna throw a red brick ♪

♪ Through the window of a restaurant ♪

♪ But here I am ♪

♪ And bye bye babe ♪

♪ 'Cause I know ♪

♪ I sound rude ♪

♪ But I've come ♪

♪ Unglued ♪

♪ And that's why I am ♪

♪ The lonesome man ♪

♪ Maybe later when this smoke clears ♪

♪ We could speak one word or two ♪

♪ 'Cause I know I should move ♪

♪ But I'd rather brood ♪

♪ And that's why I am ♪

♪ The lonesome man ♪

♪ Why I am ♪

♪ The lonesome man ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ That's who I am ♪

(music stops)