All language subtitles for Ed s04e08 Therapy
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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,930 --> 00:00:12,930
Yes?
2
00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:14,630
Excuse me, Dr. Soper?
3
00:00:15,570 --> 00:00:16,790
You must be Ed Stevens?
4
00:00:17,230 --> 00:00:18,230
Yeah, please come in.
5
00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:19,410
Thanks.
6
00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:25,470
Hi. So, would you care for some coffee
before we get started? Just like that,
7
00:00:25,490 --> 00:00:26,490
we're just going to start?
8
00:00:26,830 --> 00:00:30,550
You know what, maybe this isn't such a
good idea after all. You know, I'm just
9
00:00:30,550 --> 00:00:32,630
going to sit in that chair and talk
about myself for an hour. I don't know
10
00:00:32,630 --> 00:00:34,690
can do that. I don't know if I can put
you through that. Ed, that's the whole
11
00:00:34,690 --> 00:00:35,690
point of seeing a therapist.
12
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:37,990
I know, but it's so gosh darn self
-indulgent. You know, I feel like Corey
13
00:00:37,990 --> 00:00:39,250
Feldman on Inside the Actor's Studio.
14
00:00:40,330 --> 00:00:41,169
Your friend, Dr.
15
00:00:41,170 --> 00:00:42,170
Burton, tells me you've been upset.
16
00:00:44,070 --> 00:00:45,070
Depressed.
17
00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:46,209
Yeah, well, that's true.
18
00:00:46,210 --> 00:00:47,990
He thought maybe I could help you figure
things out.
19
00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:49,670
I'd love to give it a try.
20
00:00:51,970 --> 00:00:53,250
Okay. Good.
21
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,230
Now, how about that coffee?
22
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,490
Say, you got any root beer?
23
00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:04,050
Like, why you bending me up like this,
man?
24
00:01:04,470 --> 00:01:05,890
Sorry. What do you mean, sorry?
25
00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:08,850
Did you think I made a silly putty? What
you gonna do, smush me down on the
26
00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:12,450
funny pages and peel me off until I get
haggard to horrible on my ass? I said
27
00:01:12,450 --> 00:01:14,750
I'm sorry, Eli. What are you so tense
about?
28
00:01:15,110 --> 00:01:16,048
I'm not tense.
29
00:01:16,050 --> 00:01:17,050
Are you kidding me?
30
00:01:17,130 --> 00:01:20,450
Y 'all knotted up like macramé, and
you've been bitching at me since the
31
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:21,670
you got here. So what's going on?
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00:01:21,930 --> 00:01:24,330
I told you, ain't nothing going on.
Everything is cool, man.
33
00:01:24,530 --> 00:01:27,390
You're gonna tell me what's wrong. I'm
gonna hit you where you can still feel
34
00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:28,510
it. Always like that, man.
35
00:01:29,070 --> 00:01:30,070
Very much so.
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00:01:30,950 --> 00:01:34,600
Now. If you've got appointments this
afternoon, cancel them. Why?
37
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What's up?
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You're a guidance counselor. I need
guidance counseling.
39
00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:39,640
What's the matter, Molly? Are you
feeling woodchop?
40
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:41,760
This is no joke.
41
00:01:41,980 --> 00:01:43,140
Okay, sorry. Sit down.
42
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,060
Okay. Talk to me.
43
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,000
What is that?
44
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,960
My guidance counselor pad. Put it away.
As you wish.
45
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:52,680
All right.
46
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:53,939
Here goes.
47
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:57,600
The other night at the town pool, I did
something horrible.
48
00:01:57,850 --> 00:02:01,930
And the other night at the town pool,
that's when everything went to hell. The
49
00:02:01,930 --> 00:02:05,490
other night at the town pool, I
destroyed the best relationship I ever
50
00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:11,530
I'm going to need some more root beer.
51
00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:25,210
I'm in the sky tonight.
52
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:35,040
There I can keep by your side Watching
the wide
53
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:41,920
world riot and hide Now I'll be coming
next year
54
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,060
So to make a long story short, after
three years in Stuckyville, I finally
55
00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:03,280
started dating one Carol Vesey.
56
00:03:03,620 --> 00:03:04,720
Three years? Yeah.
57
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,460
Well, you certainly know how to close a
deal.
58
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:13,220
Forgive me. It was uncalled for. Anyway,
the trouble started about a month ago
59
00:03:13,220 --> 00:03:16,040
after Carol got this great job offer in
New York City, and I couldn't bear the
60
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,720
thought of leaving Stuckyville and going
back there, so we decided to try things
61
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:19,720
long distance for a while.
62
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,138
How'd that go?
63
00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:22,140
It was a challenge.
64
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:23,820
Quite a challenge indeed.
65
00:03:42,860 --> 00:03:43,680
I guess
66
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:53,140
we
67
00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:54,140
should go.
68
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,760
Okay. Wait. Yeah.
69
00:03:57,610 --> 00:03:58,970
One more game of cow -kitty?
70
00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:01,210
All right, yeah, you go.
71
00:04:01,430 --> 00:04:02,430
Okay.
72
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:05,550
Cow. Moo.
73
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:06,810
Kitty. Meow.
74
00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:07,930
Cow. Moo.
75
00:04:08,010 --> 00:04:09,010
Kitty. Meow.
76
00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:09,989
Cow. Moo.
77
00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:11,510
Cow. Moo. Kitty. Meow.
78
00:04:11,730 --> 00:04:12,609
Cow. Meow.
79
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You got me.
80
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:19,410
All right, good night.
81
00:04:19,690 --> 00:04:20,649
I love you.
82
00:04:20,649 --> 00:04:21,649
I love you.
83
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,040
I told you about Jennifer Young, right?
84
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:29,619
Jennifer Young?
85
00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:30,620
Yeah, the pie lady.
86
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,960
Oh, yeah, the pie lady, the one you're
in business with. So the other day we
87
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,740
were sitting down going over our market
extraction.
88
00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:39,540
Did you know we were selling more pies?
89
00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:40,820
What?
90
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:42,440
A radio jingle.
91
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,740
And what kind of jingle do you have in
mind? You know, it's funny you should
92
00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:48,200
me, Jennifer, because I've been giving
this a lot of thought. And let me break
93
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,200
this down to you logically.
94
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,159
I'm listening.
95
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,460
Whatever we do, it's got to be gangster,
because that's how we live.
96
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:54,880
It can't be too gangster.
97
00:04:55,150 --> 00:04:57,770
We don't want to scare off the elderly
Caucasians. See, that's our pie eating
98
00:04:57,770 --> 00:04:59,250
demographic. That's very wise.
99
00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:02,210
No, you know what we need? We need a
rapping granny.
100
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:05,550
You're kidding, right? Now, come on. You
know how funny it is when white people
101
00:05:05,550 --> 00:05:06,770
try to talk like black folks.
102
00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:08,430
Hey, Miss Harris.
103
00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:10,110
Repeat after me.
104
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Off the heezy for sheezy.
105
00:05:13,410 --> 00:05:14,930
Beezy, cheesy, and the goo.
106
00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:21,610
Now, come on now. Come on. You know that
is state -of -the -art comedy right
107
00:05:21,610 --> 00:05:22,670
there. That's priceless right there.
108
00:05:22,930 --> 00:05:23,950
Eli. Yes?
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00:05:24,810 --> 00:05:26,450
I'm starting to think you might be a
dumbass.
110
00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:32,290
And right that second, I looked at
Jennifer, covered in flour, calling me
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00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,930
dumbass, and I realized I was falling in
love.
112
00:05:36,350 --> 00:05:38,090
I've been calling you a dumbass for
months.
113
00:05:38,410 --> 00:05:40,030
Yeah, lad, but I don't date black men.
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I don't get it, Molly. I was with you
the whole night.
115
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What'd I miss?
116
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Okay, let me start from the beginning.
117
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My tale of woe begins one evening at
Stucky Bowl.
118
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Hey, um...
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00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,700
Shirley, do you have any gum? Indeed I
do.
120
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Help yourself.
121
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Uh, wax lips? Enjoy.
122
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,820
Do you have any regular gum?
123
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,640
Why chew regular gum when you can chew a
gum that is also a cocktail?
124
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,000
The zen of Shirley Piffko.
125
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,680
Well, well, if it isn't Barbara Hershey
and Angelina Jolie.
126
00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:19,260
Hi, Phil. Hey, you want a bowl of game?
No, thanks. Come on, I'll handicap
127
00:06:19,260 --> 00:06:21,320
myself. How? Size 15 shoes.
128
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:28,340
Uh, no, you know, I've got to go home
anyways. I've got to be up at 6 a .m. A
129
00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:29,340
little Tai Chi at sunrise?
130
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,760
No, I'm doing an interview before school
starts. For what? We're hiring a new
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00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:33,760
night janitor.
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00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:40,080
That was my first mistake. I mean, of
course, if I knew that he was going
133
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,060
What are you doing?
134
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:44,359
I'm listening.
135
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,900
What is that, your guidance counseling
face?
136
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,780
Why does it look weird?
137
00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:56,950
So after a couple of weeks of endless
phone calls, it was finally time for my
138
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,930
first visit to New York, so I got in on
a Friday, and Carol invited me to come
139
00:06:59,930 --> 00:07:00,930
by the office.
140
00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:13,270
And even though we had only been apart
for just a little while, you know,
141
00:07:13,270 --> 00:07:16,190
her made it seem that much longer. She
just looked different.
142
00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:30,190
So this is like the layout area. They
designed the whole magazine here. And,
143
00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:32,690
oh, artwork.
144
00:07:33,230 --> 00:07:34,870
Yes. And, oh, this is the best part.
145
00:07:36,730 --> 00:07:37,730
Ta -da.
146
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,270
This is where I sit.
147
00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:42,210
Oh, cool. Do you want to see what I look
like when I write? Yeah, do I ever.
148
00:07:43,510 --> 00:07:49,070
Oh, that's impressive. That's very good.
You look great.
149
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:50,830
Thank you. So do you.
150
00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,050
Oh, really? Thanks.
151
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,340
What's with the cap?
152
00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:55,960
Oh, this?
153
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,460
It's a trucker cap. They sell them on
the street. I just bought one.
154
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:02,160
Why, is it no good? It doesn't look,
it's no good? No, it's stupid.
155
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:07,300
We did this silly trend watcher piece in
the magazine about how trucker caps
156
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:08,300
are, you know.
157
00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:10,760
What? They're out of fashion.
158
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:15,580
What? I just, I haven't even seen one
before today. I said it's stupid. It's
159
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:19,080
nothing. Oh, Stephen, hey, hey, hey,
come here.
160
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,680
You've got to say hi to Ed. Oh, it's the
boyfriend.
161
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,120
Yeah. How's it going, bro?
162
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,260
Yeah, good. Well, thank you.
163
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:29,580
Steven is a photographer, and he has
really, really been helping me settle
164
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,179
Yes. Oh, great. That's kind of you.
165
00:08:32,460 --> 00:08:33,460
No problem.
166
00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:37,039
You've got a fine young woman here, bro.
Thanks, bro.
167
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:39,419
All right.
168
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,140
I've got to hand these in. I'll see you
guys later.
169
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:48,460
Trucker cap? I hardly knew you.
170
00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:51,560
Other things to show you.
171
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,540
Carol fit in so well with her new
magazine buddies. I just didn't. And
172
00:08:55,540 --> 00:08:58,240
time I dared open my mouth, they looked
at me like I was speaking Portuguese.
173
00:08:58,820 --> 00:09:03,560
Last night at the Soho Grand, I ran into
Giovanni Ribisi. Oh, my God. He was so
174
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,400
funny in Lost in Translation. He cracked
me up.
175
00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:08,220
Ed, have you seen it?
176
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:10,680
No.
177
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,280
Uh -huh.
178
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,280
Now, wait till you hear what happened
next. Hold on.
179
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,020
You really met Chuck Norris?
180
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,040
That wasn't the point.
181
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:35,660
Well, I know I'm just a fan.
182
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,220
Walker, Texas Ranger.
183
00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:39,560
A lovely piece of work.
184
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,500
So later that evening, we went back to
Carol's place.
185
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:45,580
God, miracles are uncool in all my life.
Come on.
186
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,139
You're great.
187
00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:48,039
Loved you.
188
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,940
How about that one guy who asked me if I
bought Stucky Wolf for the kids factor?
189
00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:52,160
What the heck is that supposed to mean?
190
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:53,620
You're overreacting.
191
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,080
What about that girl? What the hell is a
friendster?
192
00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:00,360
Actually, this cool online thing you
can... Buddy Steven goes on and on and
193
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:03,200
keeps dropping names left, right, and
center. You know, next time, I'm going
194
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,060
pretend I know Gerard Depardieu. All
right, enough.
195
00:10:05,380 --> 00:10:07,540
They're nice people. They were just
having a little fun.
196
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:08,980
Whatever.
197
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:11,840
Relax.
198
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,820
They're just not used to wholesome...
199
00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:17,630
Midwestern types like you.
200
00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:23,370
You mean wholesome Midwestern types like
us, right?
201
00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:27,450
Is there a problem?
202
00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:30,090
No, no problem.
203
00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:32,110
Everything's great. Everything's fine.
204
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:33,370
Mm -hmm.
205
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:43,070
Well, if there's nothing for us to talk
about, get ready for bed.
206
00:10:58,440 --> 00:10:59,040
supposed to move
207
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:07,900
so
208
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:12,540
the question is does jennifer think
about me the way i think about her my
209
00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:15,940
experience that's usually pretty obvious
yeah like man but when you're in a
210
00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:19,020
wheelchair man i mean when you're in one
of these things man people always give
211
00:11:19,020 --> 00:11:22,980
you that smiley wheelchair face you know
right be so much easier if i could just
212
00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:25,100
look at people and know what's going on
inside their head
213
00:11:28,970 --> 00:11:35,730
Was a bullfrog dinner and was a good
friend of mine. Hey, never understood
214
00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:40,090
a single word he said, but I helped him
drink his wine.
215
00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:44,650
24 across, Dennis Rodman's ex -wife.
216
00:11:45,590 --> 00:11:46,610
Carmen Electron.
217
00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:48,210
Electra.
218
00:11:48,730 --> 00:11:50,010
Thank you, my reading Eli.
219
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:51,990
Want to know if I like you?
220
00:11:53,990 --> 00:11:56,350
Stop staring at me like an aardvark and
make your move.
221
00:11:57,590 --> 00:11:59,290
Where the hell did she get oddball from?
222
00:12:00,390 --> 00:12:03,110
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea.
223
00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,790
Hey, joy to you and me.
224
00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:07,850
So, did you make your move?
225
00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:09,510
Yes, I did.
226
00:12:10,570 --> 00:12:11,650
Hey, Jennifer.
227
00:12:12,390 --> 00:12:15,830
Hey, listen. It's around suppertime. I
was wondering if you'd like to go get
228
00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:16,830
something to eat.
229
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,830
Oh, I was supposed to meet a friend
tonight.
230
00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:25,050
It's all right. It's all right. No
problem. No, let me just call and tell
231
00:12:25,050 --> 00:12:26,050
can't make it.
232
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,000
Nicely done, Eli.
233
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,640
Yeah, very smooth.
234
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:39,240
Was anybody talking to you? No? So you
might as well get on out of here because
235
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,240
it's a private conversation.
236
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,360
Thank you.
237
00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:43,760
Can't stand that dude, man.
238
00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:46,700
Which brings us to the next morning.
239
00:12:48,740 --> 00:12:51,120
So, how long have you been a custodian?
240
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:52,199
Two years.
241
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,600
And what did you do prior to that?
242
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:54,840
Investment banking.
243
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,760
I was downsized when the market went
south.
244
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,920
Really? Oh.
245
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,320
Nah. Just yanking your noodle.
246
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,160
That was a dishwasher with chilies.
247
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:04,900
Oh.
248
00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:09,940
Oh, yeah. All right. Okay, well, thank
you for coming in, and we'll be in
249
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,080
Thank you.
250
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:14,020
Next one, Eunice.
251
00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:17,340
Bill, what are you doing here?
252
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,080
I want the job.
253
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:22,540
You want to be the night janitor? No, I
want to be the star of Becker, but I
254
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,320
don't think Ted Danson's going anywhere
anytime soon.
255
00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:27,420
You've already got a job. I know. I need
another one. I've got to support my
256
00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:28,399
eBay habit.
257
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,640
What's a guy like you buy on eBay?
258
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,110
Mostly pants.
259
00:13:31,730 --> 00:13:32,730
Used pants.
260
00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:35,750
Huh. I can't hire you. Why not?
261
00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:38,750
Because you're irresponsible and
extremely annoying.
262
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:40,490
Yeah, but in a funny way, right?
263
00:13:40,790 --> 00:13:41,790
I've never thought so.
264
00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:44,830
Oh, come on. Give me a chance here. I
won't let you down.
265
00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:46,310
Not until it's too late.
266
00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:55,570
A week went by.
267
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,640
Then it was Carol's turn to visit. After
the way things had gone in New York, I
268
00:13:58,640 --> 00:13:59,940
was pretty nervous about it.
269
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,440
Listen, friend, where do you think I
should take Carol? I mean, I really want
270
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,060
show her a good time. Hang on, check
this out.
271
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:09,900
Watch this. Willie Butch, down, down.
272
00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:13,880
Oh, you see that? That instantaneous
response. Come on, Lefty, this is
273
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:14,880
important.
274
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,740
So is this. Two weeks ago, Willie Butch
wouldn't listen to a word I said. Now
275
00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:18,539
it's like I'm Dr.
276
00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:21,240
Doolittle. I'm telling you, this guy we
took him to really straightened him out.
277
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:23,640
Well, that's great, Hulk. Really, it is.
But what about Carol?
278
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:24,919
I don't know.
279
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:25,919
Sure.
280
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:26,920
Should I figure something out?
281
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,060
There's no reason to feel... down.
282
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,040
He's a furry little genius.
283
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,300
You're a furry little genius.
284
00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:39,860
So I came up with this perfect plan for
me and Carol. A little hike and then an
285
00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:42,540
early dinner at this cool little
mountain lodge. It never happened.
286
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,100
Why not?
287
00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:45,800
Well... Hello.
288
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,380
Hey, Carol, you... Hey.
289
00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:50,240
Hey, man. You remember Steven?
290
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,600
Yeah, yeah.
291
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,520
I'm doing a piece on New York.
292
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,720
For the thuggy villain who came along to
take some pictures.
293
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:56,599
Is that right?
294
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,460
This place is unreal, man.
295
00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:00,100
I gotta shoot some stuff here.
296
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:01,560
Be my guest.
297
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,400
It's okay, isn't it? Totally spur of the
moment.
298
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:06,720
Oh, yeah, it's fine.
299
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:07,840
Great.
300
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:14,680
So it's nice to... Oh, my God, look at
those guys.
301
00:15:15,020 --> 00:15:16,020
They're like...
302
00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:17,780
That is a great shot.
303
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:21,060
Be respectful, though. That's all right.
You know, these guys are great, great
304
00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:24,220
guys, and they're regular customers. No,
totally. I just want to get a flavor of
305
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:24,699
the place.
306
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:25,700
Okay.
307
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,580
Whoa, check out the rollers.
308
00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:30,980
Well, yeah, rollers. Well, you know,
yeah, people are just doing more casual
309
00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:33,120
down here. That's all. Yeah, no, I think
it's great.
310
00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:36,240
You know, there's a street fair in town.
Why don't we go check it out? Good
311
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,240
idea.
312
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:38,980
Just one second.
313
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,080
I think I just found our cover photo.
314
00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:44,480
Hey, just...
315
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,500
Leave Shirley out of this, okay?
316
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:49,120
What's the problem, bro? No problem.
Everything's fine. Are we done here?
317
00:15:49,780 --> 00:15:50,780
What did I do? Nothing.
318
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:52,880
Let's go check out the street fair.
319
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:54,100
Good idea. Want to come?
320
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,580
No, you know what? I'm fine. I've got a
lot of work to do. I'm going to do that
321
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:59,180
work. You sure? Yeah, absolutely sure.
You know what? I'll meet you for dinner
322
00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:00,720
later. Later, Stephen. All right, man.
323
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:02,600
Sorry about the weirdness.
324
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:03,920
Bye.
325
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,780
So, how'd the rest of Carol's visit go?
326
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:15,560
Well, later that night, after the
Stephen fiasco, I met her back at my
327
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,420
And what happened?
328
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:18,640
I went nuts.
329
00:16:19,540 --> 00:16:20,540
Hey, Cal.
330
00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:21,860
Yeah, I'm in here.
331
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:23,520
So where's Stephen?
332
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,380
He checked into the Stuckyville Inn.
333
00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:28,740
Good. So what are you in the mood for
tonight? You want to try that little
334
00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:32,100
Pakistani place or that Persian thing or
the... Oh, I thought we were going out
335
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:32,659
to dinner.
336
00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:36,200
I know, we were, but I got tired of
waiting, so I microwaved a pizza. Sorry.
337
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,240
Okay.
338
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:39,480
Oh, yeah, sure, fine.
339
00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:42,060
Got all your work done?
340
00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:44,820
Carol, you and I both know that work
thing is just an excuse.
341
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,920
Oh, so we stopped being passive
-aggressive with each other. Awesome.
342
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:51,600
Sorry, Carol, but you know that Steven
guy was just really bugging me. I mean,
343
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,760
know he's your friend and all, but God,
what a New York snob.
344
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:57,640
He's not a New York snob. He's an
ordinary guy. He's from Iowa, for God's
345
00:16:57,660 --> 00:16:59,580
He's only been in New York like six
months.
346
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,040
Yeah, you only lived in New York one
month. Look at you. What?
347
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,839
What does that mean? You know what it
means. Look at you. I mean, look at you
348
00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:07,819
with the clothes and the camisole and
the hair, and I don't even... Well,
349
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:08,819
changed. You've changed.
350
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:12,200
Whoa, this whole conversation just took
a wrong turn in Albuquerque.
351
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:13,720
It's true. You know it's true.
352
00:17:14,020 --> 00:17:16,079
What's true? That I bought, like, two
new outfits?
353
00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:18,740
Clothes make the man, Carol. The clothes
make the man. Ed, I think you're having
354
00:17:18,740 --> 00:17:20,420
some kind of panic attack. Do you hear
yourself?
355
00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:21,940
You sound like a crazy person.
356
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:22,799
I sound like a...
357
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,719
I sound like a crazy person?
358
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,160
Listen to how you sound. Listen to how
you sound. You picked up a New York
359
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,500
accent. You've got to be joking. You are
joking, aren't you? You've got to be
360
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,760
joking. You're joking, aren't you?
361
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,120
That's not even a New York accent. You
sound like Ted Kennedy. Whatever. I give
362
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:34,999
up.
363
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,140
Is this the way it's going to be?
364
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:37,640
What the way it's going to be?
365
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,040
A relationship.
366
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:44,340
Me in New York, you in Stuckyville,
hours on the phone in a lonely bedroom,
367
00:17:44,660 --> 00:17:47,280
weekends packed with guilt and anxiety.
368
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:48,560
What are you saying?
369
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:49,960
What are you saying?
370
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:51,640
I'm not saying anything.
371
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:55,540
I'm asking, is this the way it's going
to be? I don't know.
372
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:20,000
And the next night I was working late
and I heard this kind of strange sound
373
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,160
coming from down the hallway.
374
00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:50,200
Molly, Molly, Molly, don't you ever go
home?
375
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:55,440
This is my home. It's also a high
school, not a butt -sliding emporium.
376
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:59,580
It's just soap and water. Don't worry.
The sliding contributes to the cleansing
377
00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:01,120
process. Whatever, Jesus.
378
00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:03,580
Stop screwing around and mop it up.
379
00:19:03,780 --> 00:19:04,780
Yeah, whatever.
380
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:11,320
Hey, before I do, you want to go?
381
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:12,980
What?
382
00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:15,880
You want to ride the serpent?
383
00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:20,370
You refer to sliding down this hallway
on your ass as riding the serpent?
384
00:19:20,570 --> 00:19:22,170
Only when I'm trying to sell the
concept.
385
00:19:22,470 --> 00:19:25,790
And what makes you think that I would
possibly want to do that? The fact that
386
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,430
you're sitting alone in a high school
principal's office at 10 o 'clock at
387
00:19:28,430 --> 00:19:30,070
night, bored out of your pretty little
skull?
388
00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:51,360
So then we were at the goat, Jennifer
and I, right? For her, it was just a
389
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,440
dinner. For me, it was my first date
since my accident.
390
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:54,559
Were you nervous?
391
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:55,560
Nah, nah. I was cool.
392
00:19:58,900 --> 00:19:59,900
How's your fish, baby?
393
00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:02,160
You calling me baby now?
394
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:06,560
No, no, no, no, no. I'm just inquiring
as to the status of your seafood entree.
395
00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:08,060
Oh, I see.
396
00:20:08,260 --> 00:20:09,460
Very good. Thank you.
397
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:10,959
Good, good.
398
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:11,960
Let me ask you something.
399
00:20:12,580 --> 00:20:14,360
Why I never hear you talk about your
boyfriend?
400
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,640
Because I don't have one. I dumped him
two months ago.
401
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:17,940
Really? What happened?
402
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,120
He turned out to be a loser.
403
00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:22,980
Spent all his time making audition tapes
for reality shows. Are you serious?
404
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,120
Yeah. Survivor came on. He's like, I'm
going to be the next Jervis.
405
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,460
Bachelorette came on. He's like, they
got to have a black bachelor.
406
00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:32,720
Everybody knows Shane can't marry no
black dude, but they got to have one
407
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,720
for appearances.
408
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,000
So why'd you go out with him in the
first place?
409
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,280
I don't know.
410
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,080
I guess because he was 6 '4 and looked
like Rick Fox.
411
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,200
Yeah, I guess that's a good enough
reason.
412
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:48,560
So how tall are you anyway?
413
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:51,760
What's that?
414
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:56,380
I'm just curious. I mean, I've known you
for a while now, but I've got no idea
415
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:59,520
how tall you are. Because every time you
see me, I'm sitting down like my man
416
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,520
Peter Jennings.
417
00:21:02,420 --> 00:21:04,660
So, how tall are you?
418
00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:08,220
7 '3", baby.
419
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,340
7 '3". So stupid.
420
00:21:12,910 --> 00:21:16,850
So after dinner, you took her to the
pool for a little underwater dance city
421
00:21:16,850 --> 00:21:19,850
dance. No, no, no. We didn't get to the
pool yet. I myself have never
422
00:21:19,850 --> 00:21:21,170
experienced a woman in a pool.
423
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:24,690
Irene does not go in for that type of
thing. Like, we didn't get to the pool
424
00:21:24,690 --> 00:21:28,010
yet. One time in the Bahamas, we almost
got busy in the shower, but she got some
425
00:21:28,010 --> 00:21:31,990
of that Australian three -minute miracle
conditioning in her eye, and that was
426
00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:33,250
it. Miracle over.
427
00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:34,770
I say, bastards.
428
00:21:36,390 --> 00:21:40,230
Go on, go on. Will you let me get to the
night we went to the pool? Speak, my
429
00:21:40,230 --> 00:21:41,230
brother.
430
00:21:52,750 --> 00:21:54,410
Ass sore? Because my ass is sore.
431
00:21:55,250 --> 00:21:59,150
That is surely the first time that
sentence has been uttered in this
432
00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:02,750
hope. Seriously, is your ass sore?
Because I myself feel like I lost a
433
00:22:02,750 --> 00:22:04,530
bullfight. You want to see me?
434
00:22:05,130 --> 00:22:07,050
Yeah, I wanted to say thanks.
435
00:22:07,270 --> 00:22:11,110
For what? I don't know if you know this,
but my love life has recently imploded.
436
00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:16,390
Or maybe it exploded. I think it
actually simultaneously imploded and
437
00:22:16,790 --> 00:22:18,190
You know, I have an excellent cream for
that.
438
00:22:18,390 --> 00:22:19,590
Phil. I'm sorry.
439
00:22:20,270 --> 00:22:23,850
I cannot stop being obnoxious to you all
at once. Anyways, I've really been
440
00:22:23,850 --> 00:22:28,370
feeling kind of down lately, and that
stupid sliding around the whole thing
441
00:22:28,370 --> 00:22:31,870
really cheered me up. Humans cannot be
sad while sliding around on a soapy
442
00:22:31,870 --> 00:22:33,690
hallway. That is just, that's in the
hard wiring.
443
00:22:34,010 --> 00:22:35,010
Hmm.
444
00:22:36,470 --> 00:22:37,470
Hello.
445
00:22:38,050 --> 00:22:39,190
Uh, Mr. Emerson.
446
00:22:42,390 --> 00:22:46,070
Yes, sir, I... Uh -huh.
447
00:22:55,469 --> 00:22:56,469
Yes, sir.
448
00:22:58,810 --> 00:22:59,810
Well, tender.
449
00:23:00,310 --> 00:23:03,630
It wasn't good, was it? The phone call
in the middle of the day from the
450
00:23:03,630 --> 00:23:06,230
superintendent of schools ever good? No.
No.
451
00:23:06,450 --> 00:23:09,530
He told me I had to fire Phil, that all
the teachers were complaining that he
452
00:23:09,530 --> 00:23:10,970
wasn't cleaning the school properly.
453
00:23:11,450 --> 00:23:15,330
Yes. Oh, well, Mr. Emerson, I... Okay.
454
00:23:15,530 --> 00:23:16,530
Yes, sir.
455
00:23:16,890 --> 00:23:18,650
Yes, I will take care of it.
456
00:23:23,780 --> 00:23:25,740
So that night we were all hanging out at
Stucky Bowl.
457
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,360
Everyone was laughing, having a good
time.
458
00:23:30,260 --> 00:23:33,440
Well, except me and Carol. You know,
things were still a little bit awkward
459
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,900
between us, so I thought I needed to do
something drastic, you know, to save the
460
00:23:36,900 --> 00:23:39,220
evening, the weekend, possibly the
relationship.
461
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,480
Hey, Mike?
462
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:42,520
Yes, Skippy?
463
00:23:43,540 --> 00:23:45,820
I do believe it's time to appease the
aquatic gods.
464
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,580
Oh, man, you've got to be kidding me,
man. No, friend, I am not. I do believe
465
00:23:50,580 --> 00:23:52,420
is time to appease the aquatic gods.
466
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,740
No. What the hell are you two inbreds
talking about?
467
00:23:56,740 --> 00:24:00,180
So, back in high school, Mike and I had
this tradition. Whenever one of us would
468
00:24:00,180 --> 00:24:04,740
utter the words, I believe it's time to
appease the aquatic gods, then we had to
469
00:24:04,740 --> 00:24:06,820
drop whatever we were doing, no matter
what time of day it was, break into the
470
00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:07,820
town pool and go swimming.
471
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:09,820
This was back in high school?
472
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:11,640
Yeah, we were very cool.
473
00:24:12,020 --> 00:24:14,700
And by cool, you mean nerds. Exactly.
474
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:17,059
going swimming.
475
00:24:17,060 --> 00:24:17,839
It's November.
476
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:18,840
All going swimming indoors.
477
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,240
Stuckyville Community Center. Come on, y
'all. Let's hit the pool.
478
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:22,840
Question?
479
00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:24,180
I don't have a bathing suit.
480
00:24:24,420 --> 00:24:27,420
Yes, you do. Matter of fact, you all
have suits. And you know why? Because it
481
00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:32,240
just so happens that Stuckyville counts
for the latest in fashionable swimwear.
482
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,340
Woo! T -shirts and shorts for everybody.
483
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,380
Come on, y 'all. Let's hit the pool.
484
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:38,640
Woo!
485
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:45,810
If you're scared of dying, Better
486
00:24:45,810 --> 00:24:52,530
not be scared to live I've been spending
all my
487
00:24:52,530 --> 00:24:59,030
days Giving all I can give Last night I
heard
488
00:24:59,030 --> 00:25:05,290
someone walking Through my bedroom door
What they
489
00:25:05,290 --> 00:25:11,790
wanted I'm not exactly sure A friendly
490
00:25:11,790 --> 00:25:12,790
ghost
491
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:19,820
It's all I need, a friendly coast.
492
00:25:21,380 --> 00:25:25,880
It's all I need, marking time on a
broken watch.
493
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:32,920
Counting days till the old pawn shop
sells me back my saxophone.
494
00:25:33,460 --> 00:25:36,660
Then everyone's gonna leave me alone.
495
00:25:37,140 --> 00:25:43,160
The two times I thought I heard someone
knocking on the glass.
496
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:48,600
I hid my head and prayed that it would
pass.
497
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:55,900
A friendly ghost is all I need.
498
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:04,060
A friendly ghost is all I need. A
499
00:26:04,060 --> 00:26:10,380
friendly ghost is all I need.
500
00:26:22,990 --> 00:26:24,510
Sounds like a good time to me.
501
00:26:24,730 --> 00:26:27,590
Oh, come on, man. Let me tell you
something. Then it comes this point in
502
00:26:27,590 --> 00:26:30,290
where I find myself at the edge of the
pool with Jennifer alone.
503
00:26:30,750 --> 00:26:34,710
Deep end or shallow end? What difference
does it make? I like to create a mental
504
00:26:34,710 --> 00:26:36,010
picture. Shallow.
505
00:26:36,310 --> 00:26:37,310
Gotcha.
506
00:26:40,330 --> 00:26:42,670
You know, you should take that T -shirt
off in the pool.
507
00:26:43,650 --> 00:26:45,270
Really? Now, why is that?
508
00:26:45,510 --> 00:26:47,050
Because the chlorine will make the ink
run.
509
00:26:47,890 --> 00:26:48,869
Is that right?
510
00:26:48,870 --> 00:26:50,950
Yeah. I'm just thinking of pool safety.
511
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,340
I mean, you know, a lot of kids from in
this pool ain't getting to the system.
512
00:26:54,380 --> 00:26:59,000
Next thing you know, kids be coming down
with all kind of ink related diseases
513
00:26:59,000 --> 00:26:59,919
and stuff.
514
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,940
So I should take off my shirt for the
kids.
515
00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:03,500
Yes.
516
00:27:03,940 --> 00:27:06,600
I mean, the children are our future.
517
00:27:20,270 --> 00:27:21,270
That was unexpected.
518
00:27:21,530 --> 00:27:22,530
I'm sorry.
519
00:27:22,650 --> 00:27:27,910
I didn't mean to... No, no, no. No, it
ain't that. It's just that I'm... I'm...
520
00:27:27,910 --> 00:27:28,910
I'm gonna get going.
521
00:27:29,110 --> 00:27:30,110
No, wait.
522
00:27:32,730 --> 00:27:38,390
But... But... I know. I know. You were
kissing a beautiful woman in a pool and
523
00:27:38,390 --> 00:27:39,309
you stopped?
524
00:27:39,310 --> 00:27:43,270
I know. That's like a cardinal rule
you've broken there. If you're kissing a
525
00:27:43,270 --> 00:27:46,590
beautiful woman in a pool, you do not
stop.
526
00:27:47,180 --> 00:27:50,600
I mean, maybe if someone in the pool is
drowning, but even still, you're well
527
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:55,260
within your rights to let someone else
deal with that at that particular
528
00:27:55,620 --> 00:27:57,820
I know, man. I can't explain it myself,
man.
529
00:27:58,020 --> 00:28:01,380
Well, you're going to make things right
and ask her out, right? Oh, no. Come on,
530
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,900
man. She ain't ready for that. She sure
seemed ready when she was all kissing on
531
00:28:04,900 --> 00:28:08,620
you. She just don't know what she's
signing on for. That's all. Oh, the hell
532
00:28:08,620 --> 00:28:12,440
doesn't. You think she thinks you're too
lazy to stand up?
533
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,220
Duh. She don't know what she's signing
on for, man. Or is it that you don't
534
00:28:17,220 --> 00:28:18,700
what you're signing up for?
535
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:24,200
Eli, there are people you can talk to
about this kind of thing.
536
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:26,280
Yeah, I know.
537
00:28:26,340 --> 00:28:28,060
Well, make sure you do it then.
538
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:33,840
And talk to Miss Jenny Fair as well. If
she's as cool as you say she is, she'll
539
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:34,840
understand.
540
00:28:37,540 --> 00:28:40,080
So I decided to just get it over with,
you know?
541
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:45,080
I would just tell Phil, this is not my
decision, I hate to do this, but I gotta
542
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:48,320
let you go. What was I doing all this?
Oh, you were having fun in the pool or
543
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:49,220
something. So
544
00:28:49,220 --> 00:28:57,440
I
545
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:01,620
downed my third glass of wine, a little
liquid courage, as the youngins say, and
546
00:29:01,620 --> 00:29:02,620
I find Phil.
547
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:11,640
Hello, Mr.
548
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,000
Stubbs. Hello, Principal Hudson.
549
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:16,180
Who was fun, wasn't it?
550
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:18,900
There was no hall sliding in there, eh?
551
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:21,660
You like the eyebrows, do you?
552
00:29:22,540 --> 00:29:24,640
It's just so stupid.
553
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,000
Yeah, actually, I have to stop because
I'm getting a cramp in my forehead.
554
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:29,860
Yeah, you hate to see that.
555
00:29:30,060 --> 00:29:31,060
Yeah.
556
00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:02,900
So there you have it.
557
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:06,960
I know.
558
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,000
I know.
559
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:09,080
This is crazy.
560
00:30:11,300 --> 00:30:13,400
I made out with Phil Stubbs.
561
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:14,880
What was I thinking?
562
00:30:16,620 --> 00:30:18,760
Do you like him? No.
563
00:30:19,460 --> 00:30:22,460
No, it's just one of those crazy things
that happens.
564
00:30:24,340 --> 00:30:28,640
My God, the more I think about this. All
right, calm down.
565
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:30,280
You know, my life is over.
566
00:30:30,700 --> 00:30:31,700
I mean,
567
00:30:33,070 --> 00:30:37,110
Probably down at Stucky Bowl right now
just announcing this over the PA system.
568
00:30:37,310 --> 00:30:41,430
Well, you gotta talk to him about this.
No, I need to move. Yeah, I hear Phoenix
569
00:30:41,430 --> 00:30:42,149
is nice.
570
00:30:42,150 --> 00:30:45,750
Molly, talk to him. Oh, God, why did I
do this?
571
00:30:47,150 --> 00:30:50,910
Every girl needs a little misbehaving in
her life.
572
00:30:51,970 --> 00:30:53,570
Yeah, but with Phil Stubbs?
573
00:30:54,750 --> 00:30:57,470
There's nothing in the guidance
counselor handbook to answer that
574
00:30:58,710 --> 00:31:02,250
So we finished swimming and it was fun,
you know?
575
00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:03,979
Really fun.
576
00:31:03,980 --> 00:31:05,100
It's like being a kid again.
577
00:31:07,460 --> 00:31:08,460
And then?
578
00:31:09,020 --> 00:31:11,340
And then Carol and I ended up together
at the end of the night.
579
00:31:12,260 --> 00:31:16,280
Swimming was great. I mean, it was fun,
but there was still this underlying
580
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:17,320
tension between us.
581
00:31:18,180 --> 00:31:19,180
It was fun, huh?
582
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,000
It was fun.
583
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,140
Can I ask you a question?
584
00:31:29,620 --> 00:31:30,620
Yeah.
585
00:31:31,660 --> 00:31:33,100
Why didn't you move to New York with me?
586
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:36,520
And there it was.
587
00:31:36,780 --> 00:31:37,980
The question I couldn't answer.
588
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:39,580
The question I didn't answer.
589
00:31:40,060 --> 00:31:41,540
And Carol knew I couldn't answer it.
590
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:43,900
And that's when it all went to hell.
591
00:31:49,500 --> 00:31:50,500
No answer.
592
00:31:53,540 --> 00:31:55,340
Well, what if I asked you why you moved
to New York?
593
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,060
Well, then I would answer that...
594
00:31:58,670 --> 00:32:03,830
staying would have meant passing up an
opportunity that we both agreed was too
595
00:32:03,830 --> 00:32:05,110
big for me to pass up.
596
00:32:05,330 --> 00:32:06,330
Yeah.
597
00:32:07,170 --> 00:32:09,010
At least I have an answer.
598
00:32:09,870 --> 00:32:13,550
Well, I guess it's complicated, Carol.
599
00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:19,070
Maybe it's not. Maybe it's not
complicated at all. Maybe it's really
600
00:32:19,410 --> 00:32:20,730
How's it really obvious?
601
00:32:21,130 --> 00:32:24,390
It all boils down to one simple,
undeniable fact.
602
00:32:24,710 --> 00:32:27,630
Which is? After all the fuss and all the
ballyhoo,
603
00:32:28,950 --> 00:32:35,450
i'm not the one that is not true then
move to new york with me
604
00:33:00,540 --> 00:33:02,220
Why didn't you move to New York with
Carol?
605
00:33:02,860 --> 00:33:06,480
See, there it is. There it is again. A
million -dollar question. Dr. Soper, I'm
606
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,920
sorry to interrupt, but Faith Sweeney is
on the phone for you. She said it's
607
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:10,920
about Chuck.
608
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,760
I'm sorry. This will just take a minute.
Go ahead.
609
00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:15,500
Faith,
610
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:16,740
Barney Soper here.
611
00:33:18,300 --> 00:33:19,740
Okay, listen to me.
612
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,300
You have got to take charge of the
situation.
613
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,480
You're the boss, not Chuck.
614
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:28,000
I want you to take one of the peach
-colored pills I gave you, grind it up
615
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:32,140
a fine powder and mix it into his food.
He'll be sleeping like a wet noodle in
616
00:33:32,140 --> 00:33:32,939
20 minutes.
617
00:33:32,940 --> 00:33:36,700
Now, when he goes down, put him in the
bathroom and lock the door.
618
00:33:37,060 --> 00:33:39,080
It's the only way you're going to get
him under control right now.
619
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:40,480
All right?
620
00:33:40,780 --> 00:33:41,780
Let me know.
621
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:42,880
All right.
622
00:33:44,820 --> 00:33:45,980
I'm sorry for the interruption.
623
00:33:46,340 --> 00:33:50,840
No, I... Yeah, well, yeah, the million
-dollar question... I'm sorry, I don't
624
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,220
mean to private... Is it okay to
secretly medicate Chuck like that? I
625
00:33:54,220 --> 00:33:54,919
know I...
626
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,260
Don't know Chuck, but, uh, I mean,
shouldn't he at least be consulted
627
00:33:58,260 --> 00:34:00,300
you, you know, fill him full of peach
-colored pills and knock him out?
628
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:02,200
He's a great thing.
629
00:34:02,300 --> 00:34:03,300
Oh, he's, oh.
630
00:34:03,540 --> 00:34:05,520
So you prescribe medication for a
patient's dog?
631
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:07,940
Technically, Chuck is my patient.
632
00:34:09,100 --> 00:34:10,520
Well, you know I'm a pet psychologist.
633
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,940
You sent me to a dog psychologist?
634
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:18,679
Oh, so what? The guy's a genius.
635
00:34:19,270 --> 00:34:22,590
Maybe if you've got heartworm. If you
have heartworm, you go see a
636
00:34:22,590 --> 00:34:25,050
This guy really knows how to get inside
a dog's head. Which would be great,
637
00:34:25,090 --> 00:34:26,949
Mike, except for one fact. I'm not a
dog.
638
00:34:27,170 --> 00:34:30,190
Come on, mine's a mine. Look what Dr.
Sober did for Willie Butch. Down.
639
00:34:31,190 --> 00:34:33,989
Down. Down. Oh, instantaneous response.
640
00:34:34,830 --> 00:34:35,688
Okay, Mike.
641
00:34:35,690 --> 00:34:36,850
That's awesome. Dog.
642
00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:38,409
Not a dog. Dog.
643
00:34:38,650 --> 00:34:39,650
Not a dog. Dog.
644
00:34:39,830 --> 00:34:41,550
Not a dog. I am not a dog, Mike.
645
00:34:41,929 --> 00:34:42,929
We're all dog's head.
646
00:34:44,070 --> 00:34:48,190
Somebody's upset because there's a
certain place with a big no dogs allowed
647
00:34:48,190 --> 00:34:49,190
on it.
648
00:34:49,370 --> 00:34:50,409
You know what that place is?
649
00:34:51,670 --> 00:34:53,290
The place is right here in your heart.
650
00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:56,810
What the hell are you talking about?
651
00:34:57,250 --> 00:34:58,250
I don't know.
652
00:35:12,790 --> 00:35:14,410
Hi, it's Carol. Leave a message.
653
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,100
You have reached the offices of Bridge
and Tunnel Magazine.
654
00:35:28,580 --> 00:35:31,380
If you'd like to leave a message for...
Carol Bessie.
655
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:32,800
Begin speaking.
656
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:33,960
All
657
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:42,280
right.
658
00:35:42,340 --> 00:35:43,800
Tell me why you didn't go to New York
with Carol.
659
00:35:45,980 --> 00:35:47,420
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize.
660
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:49,100
It's okay. We're done.
661
00:35:50,100 --> 00:35:51,520
Thank you so much, Doctor.
662
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,480
My pleasure, Faith. Come on, baby.
663
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:55,100
Mama's making pot roast.
664
00:35:59,140 --> 00:36:00,140
Chuck?
665
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:01,740
Actually, Chuck's brother, Randy.
666
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,100
So tell me, oh, great pet psychologist,
why didn't I move to New York with
667
00:36:05,100 --> 00:36:08,960
Carol? Why do you think you didn't go?
No, no, no. That's part of that doctor
668
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,340
stuff. I know how you guys do this, all
right? I want answers, not questions.
669
00:36:11,700 --> 00:36:14,680
Ed, what is Stuckyville to you? That's a
question.
670
00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:20,040
What is Stuckyville? I don't know. It's
a place I came back to and built a new
671
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:21,040
life for myself. Did you?
672
00:36:21,660 --> 00:36:24,360
Did I what? Did you build a whole new
life here in Stuckyville?
673
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:29,580
Or did you rebuild your own life in
Stuckyville? Not sure I understand.
674
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:31,180
I mean, think about it.
675
00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:34,900
The bowling alley was a place you were
happy in when you were 17.
676
00:36:35,780 --> 00:36:37,860
Mike and Nancy were your friends when
you were 17.
677
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,940
Carol was the girl you wanted when you
were 17.
678
00:36:41,820 --> 00:36:45,360
Stuckyville is a nice, soft cocoon of
when you were 17.
679
00:36:47,860 --> 00:36:51,000
Yeah, but Carol's a very large part of
that. So if she's in New York, then why
680
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,860
can't I... Well, yeah, 17 -year -old
Carol fits into the cocoon.
681
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:58,680
Present day Carol in Stuckyville even
fits in the cocoon.
682
00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:03,360
But to follow Carol to New York, that
doesn't fit in the cocoon.
683
00:37:03,620 --> 00:37:04,620
Why not?
684
00:37:05,860 --> 00:37:09,460
Because there's only one reason to move
to New York with Carol.
685
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:13,040
To marry her.
686
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,540
I don't have a problem marrying Carol. I
love Carol.
687
00:37:16,860 --> 00:37:18,020
I know you love Carol.
688
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,700
But you love being 17 even more. Well,
that's not true.
689
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:24,220
When things got bad with Carol...
690
00:37:24,650 --> 00:37:26,090
What did you try to do to fix them?
691
00:37:26,970 --> 00:37:31,290
You got everyone to sneak into the
Stuckyville Community Center pool, just
692
00:37:31,290 --> 00:37:32,290
you did when you were 17.
693
00:37:35,730 --> 00:37:37,290
Maybe it's time to move forward, Ed.
694
00:37:57,960 --> 00:37:58,960
Hey there.
695
00:38:01,140 --> 00:38:04,600
The bank forms arrived for our business
loans. I started filling them out, but
696
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:05,640
there's some stuff you should look at.
697
00:38:07,260 --> 00:38:08,260
Yeah.
698
00:38:08,820 --> 00:38:09,820
Uh, Jenna.
699
00:38:10,460 --> 00:38:11,460
Yeah?
700
00:38:15,180 --> 00:38:16,800
I hope this bank loan works out.
701
00:38:19,140 --> 00:38:20,140
Right.
702
00:38:22,820 --> 00:38:24,180
It'll be real good for the company.
703
00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:26,240
Really would.
704
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:37,360
Hey, man.
705
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:42,880
Hey, Maul.
706
00:38:44,060 --> 00:38:45,060
Maul?
707
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:47,400
Think I've earned it?
708
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,220
Listen, you busy on Saturday night?
709
00:38:50,420 --> 00:38:56,180
Got my own table at the ground round.
Okay, okay, okay, okay. We have to talk,
710
00:38:56,260 --> 00:38:59,200
okay? They're just... They can't...
711
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,400
Be a future for us, okay? There just...
There can't be.
712
00:39:02,700 --> 00:39:05,020
What? I was just holding court in the
teacher's lounge.
713
00:39:05,240 --> 00:39:08,880
Baby, we're a couple of the year. That
physics teacher dude was so impressed,
714
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:09,880
gave me a pulley.
715
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:12,860
This can't be happening. This just can't
be happening.
716
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:14,880
Relax. It isn't.
717
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:17,520
What? I was kidding.
718
00:39:19,020 --> 00:39:24,260
So, you haven't told anybody about us?
719
00:39:24,620 --> 00:39:26,920
No. Oh, thank God.
720
00:39:27,820 --> 00:39:28,820
That's...
721
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:33,680
Two things.
722
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:38,380
One, I quit. The sexual tension would
destroy us both.
723
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:40,560
And two?
724
00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:44,120
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
725
00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:53,160
Listen, if you ever want to do it, just
call me at Stucky Bowl. Phil. Yeah.
726
00:39:53,540 --> 00:39:55,240
You had a classy exit.
727
00:39:56,140 --> 00:39:59,400
Okay, but seriously, I really think I'm
emotionally capable of having a purely
728
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:00,400
physical relationship.
729
00:40:01,299 --> 00:40:02,299
Goodbye, Phil.
730
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:05,480
Yeah.
731
00:40:21,100 --> 00:40:22,100
1916.
732
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:23,520
What's on your mind, Bubba?
733
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:28,880
I'm kind of thinking about everything at
once. You ever, 2016, do that?
734
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,160
Sometimes I imagine eating all the
different breakfast at Denny's all at
735
00:40:33,820 --> 00:40:34,820
2017.
736
00:40:38,460 --> 00:40:39,460
2018.
737
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,500
I just think that this pet psychologist
might be right about me not wanting to
738
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:44,500
grow up, you know?
739
00:40:46,060 --> 00:40:50,380
2019. Yeah, I'm thinking of you. You got
a wife and kids, and what do I got? I
740
00:40:50,380 --> 00:40:52,540
mean, I'm just spending all my time in
the same bowling alley we used to hang
741
00:40:52,540 --> 00:40:53,840
out when I was 17.
742
00:40:54,970 --> 00:40:58,890
I need 21 by 2. The very idea of
scrapping my life in Stuckyville and
743
00:40:58,890 --> 00:41:00,930
New York City is pretty damn scary. 21
by 20.
744
00:41:01,210 --> 00:41:06,450
But mostly, I'm thinking about this tiny
black line that Carol has in the iris
745
00:41:06,450 --> 00:41:07,450
of her left eye.
746
00:41:08,870 --> 00:41:09,870
It's really small.
747
00:41:09,910 --> 00:41:13,250
It's right down there at 7 o 'clock down
there.
748
00:41:14,390 --> 00:41:16,290
You've got to be up really, really close
just to see it.
749
00:41:19,730 --> 00:41:20,730
Man.
750
00:41:27,050 --> 00:41:28,290
And I don't think I can live without
that.
751
00:41:31,110 --> 00:41:32,110
And?
752
00:41:33,650 --> 00:41:36,310
And so I'm going to move to New York
City and ask our bestie to marry me.
753
00:41:39,350 --> 00:41:40,350
What?
754
00:41:40,790 --> 00:41:41,790
Are you serious?
755
00:41:43,110 --> 00:41:44,110
Congratulations,
756
00:41:44,250 --> 00:41:45,410
my friend. Thank you.
757
00:41:47,670 --> 00:41:48,670
Woo!
758
00:41:52,050 --> 00:41:53,170
Oh, man.
759
00:41:53,490 --> 00:41:54,490
Wow.
760
00:41:55,149 --> 00:41:58,070
Wow. Should have made that last shot.
Yeah. Well, how great would that have
761
00:41:58,070 --> 00:42:00,790
been? Yeah, I'm going to move to New
York City and boom, I'm going to Matt
762
00:42:00,790 --> 00:42:04,150
investing. Game over, 22 -20. Oh, 21
-21.
763
00:42:04,470 --> 00:42:05,510
We're going to be here all night.
764
00:42:05,830 --> 00:42:08,790
You might as well enjoy your last few
days of freedom. Yeah, I'm going to
765
00:42:08,790 --> 00:42:09,790
LA Roo for you.
766
00:42:11,210 --> 00:42:14,730
Speed games. Oh, shoot.
767
00:42:16,850 --> 00:42:19,010
One, two, one, two, one, two.
768
00:42:19,550 --> 00:42:20,870
That's it, that goes, that goes.
57262