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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,930 --> 00:00:12,930 Yes? 2 00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:14,630 Excuse me, Dr. Soper? 3 00:00:15,570 --> 00:00:16,790 You must be Ed Stevens? 4 00:00:17,230 --> 00:00:18,230 Yeah, please come in. 5 00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:19,410 Thanks. 6 00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:25,470 Hi. So, would you care for some coffee before we get started? Just like that, 7 00:00:25,490 --> 00:00:26,490 we're just going to start? 8 00:00:26,830 --> 00:00:30,550 You know what, maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. You know, I'm just 9 00:00:30,550 --> 00:00:32,630 going to sit in that chair and talk about myself for an hour. I don't know 10 00:00:32,630 --> 00:00:34,690 can do that. I don't know if I can put you through that. Ed, that's the whole 11 00:00:34,690 --> 00:00:35,690 point of seeing a therapist. 12 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:37,990 I know, but it's so gosh darn self -indulgent. You know, I feel like Corey 13 00:00:37,990 --> 00:00:39,250 Feldman on Inside the Actor's Studio. 14 00:00:40,330 --> 00:00:41,169 Your friend, Dr. 15 00:00:41,170 --> 00:00:42,170 Burton, tells me you've been upset. 16 00:00:44,070 --> 00:00:45,070 Depressed. 17 00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:46,209 Yeah, well, that's true. 18 00:00:46,210 --> 00:00:47,990 He thought maybe I could help you figure things out. 19 00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:49,670 I'd love to give it a try. 20 00:00:51,970 --> 00:00:53,250 Okay. Good. 21 00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,230 Now, how about that coffee? 22 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,490 Say, you got any root beer? 23 00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:04,050 Like, why you bending me up like this, man? 24 00:01:04,470 --> 00:01:05,890 Sorry. What do you mean, sorry? 25 00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:08,850 Did you think I made a silly putty? What you gonna do, smush me down on the 26 00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:12,450 funny pages and peel me off until I get haggard to horrible on my ass? I said 27 00:01:12,450 --> 00:01:14,750 I'm sorry, Eli. What are you so tense about? 28 00:01:15,110 --> 00:01:16,048 I'm not tense. 29 00:01:16,050 --> 00:01:17,050 Are you kidding me? 30 00:01:17,130 --> 00:01:20,450 Y 'all knotted up like macramé, and you've been bitching at me since the 31 00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:21,670 you got here. So what's going on? 32 00:01:21,930 --> 00:01:24,330 I told you, ain't nothing going on. Everything is cool, man. 33 00:01:24,530 --> 00:01:27,390 You're gonna tell me what's wrong. I'm gonna hit you where you can still feel 34 00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:28,510 it. Always like that, man. 35 00:01:29,070 --> 00:01:30,070 Very much so. 36 00:01:30,950 --> 00:01:34,600 Now. If you've got appointments this afternoon, cancel them. Why? 37 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:35,419 What's up? 38 00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:37,700 You're a guidance counselor. I need guidance counseling. 39 00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:39,640 What's the matter, Molly? Are you feeling woodchop? 40 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:41,760 This is no joke. 41 00:01:41,980 --> 00:01:43,140 Okay, sorry. Sit down. 42 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,060 Okay. Talk to me. 43 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,000 What is that? 44 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,960 My guidance counselor pad. Put it away. As you wish. 45 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:52,680 All right. 46 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:53,939 Here goes. 47 00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:57,600 The other night at the town pool, I did something horrible. 48 00:01:57,850 --> 00:02:01,930 And the other night at the town pool, that's when everything went to hell. The 49 00:02:01,930 --> 00:02:05,490 other night at the town pool, I destroyed the best relationship I ever 50 00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:11,530 I'm going to need some more root beer. 51 00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:25,210 I'm in the sky tonight. 52 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:35,040 There I can keep by your side Watching the wide 53 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:41,920 world riot and hide Now I'll be coming next year 54 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,060 So to make a long story short, after three years in Stuckyville, I finally 55 00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:03,280 started dating one Carol Vesey. 56 00:03:03,620 --> 00:03:04,720 Three years? Yeah. 57 00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,460 Well, you certainly know how to close a deal. 58 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:13,220 Forgive me. It was uncalled for. Anyway, the trouble started about a month ago 59 00:03:13,220 --> 00:03:16,040 after Carol got this great job offer in New York City, and I couldn't bear the 60 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,720 thought of leaving Stuckyville and going back there, so we decided to try things 61 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:19,720 long distance for a while. 62 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,138 How'd that go? 63 00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:22,140 It was a challenge. 64 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:23,820 Quite a challenge indeed. 65 00:03:42,860 --> 00:03:43,680 I guess 66 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:53,140 we 67 00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:54,140 should go. 68 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,760 Okay. Wait. Yeah. 69 00:03:57,610 --> 00:03:58,970 One more game of cow -kitty? 70 00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:01,210 All right, yeah, you go. 71 00:04:01,430 --> 00:04:02,430 Okay. 72 00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:05,550 Cow. Moo. 73 00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:06,810 Kitty. Meow. 74 00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:07,930 Cow. Moo. 75 00:04:08,010 --> 00:04:09,010 Kitty. Meow. 76 00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:09,989 Cow. Moo. 77 00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:11,510 Cow. Moo. Kitty. Meow. 78 00:04:11,730 --> 00:04:12,609 Cow. Meow. 79 00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:14,630 You got me. 80 00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:19,410 All right, good night. 81 00:04:19,690 --> 00:04:20,649 I love you. 82 00:04:20,649 --> 00:04:21,649 I love you. 83 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,040 I told you about Jennifer Young, right? 84 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:29,619 Jennifer Young? 85 00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:30,620 Yeah, the pie lady. 86 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,960 Oh, yeah, the pie lady, the one you're in business with. So the other day we 87 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,740 were sitting down going over our market extraction. 88 00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:39,540 Did you know we were selling more pies? 89 00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:40,820 What? 90 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:42,440 A radio jingle. 91 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,740 And what kind of jingle do you have in mind? You know, it's funny you should 92 00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:48,200 me, Jennifer, because I've been giving this a lot of thought. And let me break 93 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,200 this down to you logically. 94 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,159 I'm listening. 95 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,460 Whatever we do, it's got to be gangster, because that's how we live. 96 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:54,880 It can't be too gangster. 97 00:04:55,150 --> 00:04:57,770 We don't want to scare off the elderly Caucasians. See, that's our pie eating 98 00:04:57,770 --> 00:04:59,250 demographic. That's very wise. 99 00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:02,210 No, you know what we need? We need a rapping granny. 100 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:05,550 You're kidding, right? Now, come on. You know how funny it is when white people 101 00:05:05,550 --> 00:05:06,770 try to talk like black folks. 102 00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:08,430 Hey, Miss Harris. 103 00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:10,110 Repeat after me. 104 00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:12,450 Off the heezy for sheezy. 105 00:05:13,410 --> 00:05:14,930 Beezy, cheesy, and the goo. 106 00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:21,610 Now, come on now. Come on. You know that is state -of -the -art comedy right 107 00:05:21,610 --> 00:05:22,670 there. That's priceless right there. 108 00:05:22,930 --> 00:05:23,950 Eli. Yes? 109 00:05:24,810 --> 00:05:26,450 I'm starting to think you might be a dumbass. 110 00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:32,290 And right that second, I looked at Jennifer, covered in flour, calling me 111 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,930 dumbass, and I realized I was falling in love. 112 00:05:36,350 --> 00:05:38,090 I've been calling you a dumbass for months. 113 00:05:38,410 --> 00:05:40,030 Yeah, lad, but I don't date black men. 114 00:05:42,090 --> 00:05:44,150 I don't get it, Molly. I was with you the whole night. 115 00:05:45,230 --> 00:05:46,169 What'd I miss? 116 00:05:46,170 --> 00:05:47,790 Okay, let me start from the beginning. 117 00:05:48,630 --> 00:05:51,910 My tale of woe begins one evening at Stucky Bowl. 118 00:05:52,990 --> 00:05:53,990 Hey, um... 119 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,700 Shirley, do you have any gum? Indeed I do. 120 00:05:57,740 --> 00:05:58,740 Help yourself. 121 00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:01,520 Uh, wax lips? Enjoy. 122 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,820 Do you have any regular gum? 123 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,640 Why chew regular gum when you can chew a gum that is also a cocktail? 124 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,000 The zen of Shirley Piffko. 125 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,680 Well, well, if it isn't Barbara Hershey and Angelina Jolie. 126 00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:19,260 Hi, Phil. Hey, you want a bowl of game? No, thanks. Come on, I'll handicap 127 00:06:19,260 --> 00:06:21,320 myself. How? Size 15 shoes. 128 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:28,340 Uh, no, you know, I've got to go home anyways. I've got to be up at 6 a .m. A 129 00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:29,340 little Tai Chi at sunrise? 130 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,760 No, I'm doing an interview before school starts. For what? We're hiring a new 131 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:33,760 night janitor. 132 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:40,080 That was my first mistake. I mean, of course, if I knew that he was going 133 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,060 What are you doing? 134 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:44,359 I'm listening. 135 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,900 What is that, your guidance counseling face? 136 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,780 Why does it look weird? 137 00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:56,950 So after a couple of weeks of endless phone calls, it was finally time for my 138 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,930 first visit to New York, so I got in on a Friday, and Carol invited me to come 139 00:06:59,930 --> 00:07:00,930 by the office. 140 00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:13,270 And even though we had only been apart for just a little while, you know, 141 00:07:13,270 --> 00:07:16,190 her made it seem that much longer. She just looked different. 142 00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:30,190 So this is like the layout area. They designed the whole magazine here. And, 143 00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:32,690 oh, artwork. 144 00:07:33,230 --> 00:07:34,870 Yes. And, oh, this is the best part. 145 00:07:36,730 --> 00:07:37,730 Ta -da. 146 00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,270 This is where I sit. 147 00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:42,210 Oh, cool. Do you want to see what I look like when I write? Yeah, do I ever. 148 00:07:43,510 --> 00:07:49,070 Oh, that's impressive. That's very good. You look great. 149 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:50,830 Thank you. So do you. 150 00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,050 Oh, really? Thanks. 151 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,340 What's with the cap? 152 00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:55,960 Oh, this? 153 00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,460 It's a trucker cap. They sell them on the street. I just bought one. 154 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:02,160 Why, is it no good? It doesn't look, it's no good? No, it's stupid. 155 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:07,300 We did this silly trend watcher piece in the magazine about how trucker caps 156 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:08,300 are, you know. 157 00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:10,760 What? They're out of fashion. 158 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:15,580 What? I just, I haven't even seen one before today. I said it's stupid. It's 159 00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:19,080 nothing. Oh, Stephen, hey, hey, hey, come here. 160 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,680 You've got to say hi to Ed. Oh, it's the boyfriend. 161 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,120 Yeah. How's it going, bro? 162 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,260 Yeah, good. Well, thank you. 163 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:29,580 Steven is a photographer, and he has really, really been helping me settle 164 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,179 Yes. Oh, great. That's kind of you. 165 00:08:32,460 --> 00:08:33,460 No problem. 166 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:37,039 You've got a fine young woman here, bro. Thanks, bro. 167 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:39,419 All right. 168 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,140 I've got to hand these in. I'll see you guys later. 169 00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:48,460 Trucker cap? I hardly knew you. 170 00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:51,560 Other things to show you. 171 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,540 Carol fit in so well with her new magazine buddies. I just didn't. And 172 00:08:55,540 --> 00:08:58,240 time I dared open my mouth, they looked at me like I was speaking Portuguese. 173 00:08:58,820 --> 00:09:03,560 Last night at the Soho Grand, I ran into Giovanni Ribisi. Oh, my God. He was so 174 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,400 funny in Lost in Translation. He cracked me up. 175 00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:08,220 Ed, have you seen it? 176 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:10,680 No. 177 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,280 Uh -huh. 178 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,280 Now, wait till you hear what happened next. Hold on. 179 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,020 You really met Chuck Norris? 180 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,040 That wasn't the point. 181 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:35,660 Well, I know I'm just a fan. 182 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,220 Walker, Texas Ranger. 183 00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:39,560 A lovely piece of work. 184 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,500 So later that evening, we went back to Carol's place. 185 00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:45,580 God, miracles are uncool in all my life. Come on. 186 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,139 You're great. 187 00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:48,039 Loved you. 188 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,940 How about that one guy who asked me if I bought Stucky Wolf for the kids factor? 189 00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:52,160 What the heck is that supposed to mean? 190 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:53,620 You're overreacting. 191 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,080 What about that girl? What the hell is a friendster? 192 00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:00,360 Actually, this cool online thing you can... Buddy Steven goes on and on and 193 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:03,200 keeps dropping names left, right, and center. You know, next time, I'm going 194 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,060 pretend I know Gerard Depardieu. All right, enough. 195 00:10:05,380 --> 00:10:07,540 They're nice people. They were just having a little fun. 196 00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:08,980 Whatever. 197 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:11,840 Relax. 198 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,820 They're just not used to wholesome... 199 00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:17,630 Midwestern types like you. 200 00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:23,370 You mean wholesome Midwestern types like us, right? 201 00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:27,450 Is there a problem? 202 00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:30,090 No, no problem. 203 00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:32,110 Everything's great. Everything's fine. 204 00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:33,370 Mm -hmm. 205 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:43,070 Well, if there's nothing for us to talk about, get ready for bed. 206 00:10:58,440 --> 00:10:59,040 supposed to move 207 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:07,900 so 208 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:12,540 the question is does jennifer think about me the way i think about her my 209 00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:15,940 experience that's usually pretty obvious yeah like man but when you're in a 210 00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:19,020 wheelchair man i mean when you're in one of these things man people always give 211 00:11:19,020 --> 00:11:22,980 you that smiley wheelchair face you know right be so much easier if i could just 212 00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:25,100 look at people and know what's going on inside their head 213 00:11:28,970 --> 00:11:35,730 Was a bullfrog dinner and was a good friend of mine. Hey, never understood 214 00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:40,090 a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine. 215 00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:44,650 24 across, Dennis Rodman's ex -wife. 216 00:11:45,590 --> 00:11:46,610 Carmen Electron. 217 00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:48,210 Electra. 218 00:11:48,730 --> 00:11:50,010 Thank you, my reading Eli. 219 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:51,990 Want to know if I like you? 220 00:11:53,990 --> 00:11:56,350 Stop staring at me like an aardvark and make your move. 221 00:11:57,590 --> 00:11:59,290 Where the hell did she get oddball from? 222 00:12:00,390 --> 00:12:03,110 Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. 223 00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,790 Hey, joy to you and me. 224 00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:07,850 So, did you make your move? 225 00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:09,510 Yes, I did. 226 00:12:10,570 --> 00:12:11,650 Hey, Jennifer. 227 00:12:12,390 --> 00:12:15,830 Hey, listen. It's around suppertime. I was wondering if you'd like to go get 228 00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:16,830 something to eat. 229 00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,830 Oh, I was supposed to meet a friend tonight. 230 00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:25,050 It's all right. It's all right. No problem. No, let me just call and tell 231 00:12:25,050 --> 00:12:26,050 can't make it. 232 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,000 Nicely done, Eli. 233 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,640 Yeah, very smooth. 234 00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:39,240 Was anybody talking to you? No? So you might as well get on out of here because 235 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,240 it's a private conversation. 236 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,360 Thank you. 237 00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:43,760 Can't stand that dude, man. 238 00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:46,700 Which brings us to the next morning. 239 00:12:48,740 --> 00:12:51,120 So, how long have you been a custodian? 240 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:52,199 Two years. 241 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,600 And what did you do prior to that? 242 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:54,840 Investment banking. 243 00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,760 I was downsized when the market went south. 244 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,920 Really? Oh. 245 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,320 Nah. Just yanking your noodle. 246 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,160 That was a dishwasher with chilies. 247 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:04,900 Oh. 248 00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:09,940 Oh, yeah. All right. Okay, well, thank you for coming in, and we'll be in 249 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,080 Thank you. 250 00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:14,020 Next one, Eunice. 251 00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:17,340 Bill, what are you doing here? 252 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,080 I want the job. 253 00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:22,540 You want to be the night janitor? No, I want to be the star of Becker, but I 254 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,320 don't think Ted Danson's going anywhere anytime soon. 255 00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:27,420 You've already got a job. I know. I need another one. I've got to support my 256 00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:28,399 eBay habit. 257 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,640 What's a guy like you buy on eBay? 258 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,110 Mostly pants. 259 00:13:31,730 --> 00:13:32,730 Used pants. 260 00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:35,750 Huh. I can't hire you. Why not? 261 00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:38,750 Because you're irresponsible and extremely annoying. 262 00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:40,490 Yeah, but in a funny way, right? 263 00:13:40,790 --> 00:13:41,790 I've never thought so. 264 00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:44,830 Oh, come on. Give me a chance here. I won't let you down. 265 00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:46,310 Not until it's too late. 266 00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:55,570 A week went by. 267 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,640 Then it was Carol's turn to visit. After the way things had gone in New York, I 268 00:13:58,640 --> 00:13:59,940 was pretty nervous about it. 269 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,440 Listen, friend, where do you think I should take Carol? I mean, I really want 270 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,060 show her a good time. Hang on, check this out. 271 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:09,900 Watch this. Willie Butch, down, down. 272 00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:13,880 Oh, you see that? That instantaneous response. Come on, Lefty, this is 273 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:14,880 important. 274 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,740 So is this. Two weeks ago, Willie Butch wouldn't listen to a word I said. Now 275 00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:18,539 it's like I'm Dr. 276 00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:21,240 Doolittle. I'm telling you, this guy we took him to really straightened him out. 277 00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:23,640 Well, that's great, Hulk. Really, it is. But what about Carol? 278 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:24,919 I don't know. 279 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:25,919 Sure. 280 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:26,920 Should I figure something out? 281 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,060 There's no reason to feel... down. 282 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,040 He's a furry little genius. 283 00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,300 You're a furry little genius. 284 00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:39,860 So I came up with this perfect plan for me and Carol. A little hike and then an 285 00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:42,540 early dinner at this cool little mountain lodge. It never happened. 286 00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,100 Why not? 287 00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:45,800 Well... Hello. 288 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,380 Hey, Carol, you... Hey. 289 00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:50,240 Hey, man. You remember Steven? 290 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,600 Yeah, yeah. 291 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,520 I'm doing a piece on New York. 292 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,720 For the thuggy villain who came along to take some pictures. 293 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:56,599 Is that right? 294 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,460 This place is unreal, man. 295 00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:00,100 I gotta shoot some stuff here. 296 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:01,560 Be my guest. 297 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,400 It's okay, isn't it? Totally spur of the moment. 298 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:06,720 Oh, yeah, it's fine. 299 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:07,840 Great. 300 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:14,680 So it's nice to... Oh, my God, look at those guys. 301 00:15:15,020 --> 00:15:16,020 They're like... 302 00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:17,780 That is a great shot. 303 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:21,060 Be respectful, though. That's all right. You know, these guys are great, great 304 00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:24,220 guys, and they're regular customers. No, totally. I just want to get a flavor of 305 00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:24,699 the place. 306 00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:25,700 Okay. 307 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,580 Whoa, check out the rollers. 308 00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:30,980 Well, yeah, rollers. Well, you know, yeah, people are just doing more casual 309 00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:33,120 down here. That's all. Yeah, no, I think it's great. 310 00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:36,240 You know, there's a street fair in town. Why don't we go check it out? Good 311 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,240 idea. 312 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:38,980 Just one second. 313 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,080 I think I just found our cover photo. 314 00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:44,480 Hey, just... 315 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,500 Leave Shirley out of this, okay? 316 00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:49,120 What's the problem, bro? No problem. Everything's fine. Are we done here? 317 00:15:49,780 --> 00:15:50,780 What did I do? Nothing. 318 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:52,880 Let's go check out the street fair. 319 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:54,100 Good idea. Want to come? 320 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,580 No, you know what? I'm fine. I've got a lot of work to do. I'm going to do that 321 00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:59,180 work. You sure? Yeah, absolutely sure. You know what? I'll meet you for dinner 322 00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:00,720 later. Later, Stephen. All right, man. 323 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:02,600 Sorry about the weirdness. 324 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:03,920 Bye. 325 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,780 So, how'd the rest of Carol's visit go? 326 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:15,560 Well, later that night, after the Stephen fiasco, I met her back at my 327 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,420 And what happened? 328 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:18,640 I went nuts. 329 00:16:19,540 --> 00:16:20,540 Hey, Cal. 330 00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:21,860 Yeah, I'm in here. 331 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:23,520 So where's Stephen? 332 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,380 He checked into the Stuckyville Inn. 333 00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:28,740 Good. So what are you in the mood for tonight? You want to try that little 334 00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:32,100 Pakistani place or that Persian thing or the... Oh, I thought we were going out 335 00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:32,659 to dinner. 336 00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:36,200 I know, we were, but I got tired of waiting, so I microwaved a pizza. Sorry. 337 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,240 Okay. 338 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:39,480 Oh, yeah, sure, fine. 339 00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:42,060 Got all your work done? 340 00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:44,820 Carol, you and I both know that work thing is just an excuse. 341 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,920 Oh, so we stopped being passive -aggressive with each other. Awesome. 342 00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:51,600 Sorry, Carol, but you know that Steven guy was just really bugging me. I mean, 343 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,760 know he's your friend and all, but God, what a New York snob. 344 00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:57,640 He's not a New York snob. He's an ordinary guy. He's from Iowa, for God's 345 00:16:57,660 --> 00:16:59,580 He's only been in New York like six months. 346 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,040 Yeah, you only lived in New York one month. Look at you. What? 347 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,839 What does that mean? You know what it means. Look at you. I mean, look at you 348 00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:07,819 with the clothes and the camisole and the hair, and I don't even... Well, 349 00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:08,819 changed. You've changed. 350 00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:12,200 Whoa, this whole conversation just took a wrong turn in Albuquerque. 351 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:13,720 It's true. You know it's true. 352 00:17:14,020 --> 00:17:16,079 What's true? That I bought, like, two new outfits? 353 00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:18,740 Clothes make the man, Carol. The clothes make the man. Ed, I think you're having 354 00:17:18,740 --> 00:17:20,420 some kind of panic attack. Do you hear yourself? 355 00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:21,940 You sound like a crazy person. 356 00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:22,799 I sound like a... 357 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,719 I sound like a crazy person? 358 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,160 Listen to how you sound. Listen to how you sound. You picked up a New York 359 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,500 accent. You've got to be joking. You are joking, aren't you? You've got to be 360 00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,760 joking. You're joking, aren't you? 361 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,120 That's not even a New York accent. You sound like Ted Kennedy. Whatever. I give 362 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:34,999 up. 363 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,140 Is this the way it's going to be? 364 00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:37,640 What the way it's going to be? 365 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,040 A relationship. 366 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:44,340 Me in New York, you in Stuckyville, hours on the phone in a lonely bedroom, 367 00:17:44,660 --> 00:17:47,280 weekends packed with guilt and anxiety. 368 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:48,560 What are you saying? 369 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:49,960 What are you saying? 370 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:51,640 I'm not saying anything. 371 00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:55,540 I'm asking, is this the way it's going to be? I don't know. 372 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:20,000 And the next night I was working late and I heard this kind of strange sound 373 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,160 coming from down the hallway. 374 00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:50,200 Molly, Molly, Molly, don't you ever go home? 375 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:55,440 This is my home. It's also a high school, not a butt -sliding emporium. 376 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:59,580 It's just soap and water. Don't worry. The sliding contributes to the cleansing 377 00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:01,120 process. Whatever, Jesus. 378 00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:03,580 Stop screwing around and mop it up. 379 00:19:03,780 --> 00:19:04,780 Yeah, whatever. 380 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:11,320 Hey, before I do, you want to go? 381 00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:12,980 What? 382 00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:15,880 You want to ride the serpent? 383 00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:20,370 You refer to sliding down this hallway on your ass as riding the serpent? 384 00:19:20,570 --> 00:19:22,170 Only when I'm trying to sell the concept. 385 00:19:22,470 --> 00:19:25,790 And what makes you think that I would possibly want to do that? The fact that 386 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,430 you're sitting alone in a high school principal's office at 10 o 'clock at 387 00:19:28,430 --> 00:19:30,070 night, bored out of your pretty little skull? 388 00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:51,360 So then we were at the goat, Jennifer and I, right? For her, it was just a 389 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,440 dinner. For me, it was my first date since my accident. 390 00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:54,559 Were you nervous? 391 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:55,560 Nah, nah. I was cool. 392 00:19:58,900 --> 00:19:59,900 How's your fish, baby? 393 00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:02,160 You calling me baby now? 394 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:06,560 No, no, no, no, no. I'm just inquiring as to the status of your seafood entree. 395 00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:08,060 Oh, I see. 396 00:20:08,260 --> 00:20:09,460 Very good. Thank you. 397 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:10,959 Good, good. 398 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:11,960 Let me ask you something. 399 00:20:12,580 --> 00:20:14,360 Why I never hear you talk about your boyfriend? 400 00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,640 Because I don't have one. I dumped him two months ago. 401 00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:17,940 Really? What happened? 402 00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,120 He turned out to be a loser. 403 00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:22,980 Spent all his time making audition tapes for reality shows. Are you serious? 404 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,120 Yeah. Survivor came on. He's like, I'm going to be the next Jervis. 405 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,460 Bachelorette came on. He's like, they got to have a black bachelor. 406 00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:32,720 Everybody knows Shane can't marry no black dude, but they got to have one 407 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,720 for appearances. 408 00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,000 So why'd you go out with him in the first place? 409 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,280 I don't know. 410 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,080 I guess because he was 6 '4 and looked like Rick Fox. 411 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,200 Yeah, I guess that's a good enough reason. 412 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:48,560 So how tall are you anyway? 413 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:51,760 What's that? 414 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:56,380 I'm just curious. I mean, I've known you for a while now, but I've got no idea 415 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:59,520 how tall you are. Because every time you see me, I'm sitting down like my man 416 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,520 Peter Jennings. 417 00:21:02,420 --> 00:21:04,660 So, how tall are you? 418 00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:08,220 7 '3", baby. 419 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,340 7 '3". So stupid. 420 00:21:12,910 --> 00:21:16,850 So after dinner, you took her to the pool for a little underwater dance city 421 00:21:16,850 --> 00:21:19,850 dance. No, no, no. We didn't get to the pool yet. I myself have never 422 00:21:19,850 --> 00:21:21,170 experienced a woman in a pool. 423 00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:24,690 Irene does not go in for that type of thing. Like, we didn't get to the pool 424 00:21:24,690 --> 00:21:28,010 yet. One time in the Bahamas, we almost got busy in the shower, but she got some 425 00:21:28,010 --> 00:21:31,990 of that Australian three -minute miracle conditioning in her eye, and that was 426 00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:33,250 it. Miracle over. 427 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:34,770 I say, bastards. 428 00:21:36,390 --> 00:21:40,230 Go on, go on. Will you let me get to the night we went to the pool? Speak, my 429 00:21:40,230 --> 00:21:41,230 brother. 430 00:21:52,750 --> 00:21:54,410 Ass sore? Because my ass is sore. 431 00:21:55,250 --> 00:21:59,150 That is surely the first time that sentence has been uttered in this 432 00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:02,750 hope. Seriously, is your ass sore? Because I myself feel like I lost a 433 00:22:02,750 --> 00:22:04,530 bullfight. You want to see me? 434 00:22:05,130 --> 00:22:07,050 Yeah, I wanted to say thanks. 435 00:22:07,270 --> 00:22:11,110 For what? I don't know if you know this, but my love life has recently imploded. 436 00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:16,390 Or maybe it exploded. I think it actually simultaneously imploded and 437 00:22:16,790 --> 00:22:18,190 You know, I have an excellent cream for that. 438 00:22:18,390 --> 00:22:19,590 Phil. I'm sorry. 439 00:22:20,270 --> 00:22:23,850 I cannot stop being obnoxious to you all at once. Anyways, I've really been 440 00:22:23,850 --> 00:22:28,370 feeling kind of down lately, and that stupid sliding around the whole thing 441 00:22:28,370 --> 00:22:31,870 really cheered me up. Humans cannot be sad while sliding around on a soapy 442 00:22:31,870 --> 00:22:33,690 hallway. That is just, that's in the hard wiring. 443 00:22:34,010 --> 00:22:35,010 Hmm. 444 00:22:36,470 --> 00:22:37,470 Hello. 445 00:22:38,050 --> 00:22:39,190 Uh, Mr. Emerson. 446 00:22:42,390 --> 00:22:46,070 Yes, sir, I... Uh -huh. 447 00:22:55,469 --> 00:22:56,469 Yes, sir. 448 00:22:58,810 --> 00:22:59,810 Well, tender. 449 00:23:00,310 --> 00:23:03,630 It wasn't good, was it? The phone call in the middle of the day from the 450 00:23:03,630 --> 00:23:06,230 superintendent of schools ever good? No. No. 451 00:23:06,450 --> 00:23:09,530 He told me I had to fire Phil, that all the teachers were complaining that he 452 00:23:09,530 --> 00:23:10,970 wasn't cleaning the school properly. 453 00:23:11,450 --> 00:23:15,330 Yes. Oh, well, Mr. Emerson, I... Okay. 454 00:23:15,530 --> 00:23:16,530 Yes, sir. 455 00:23:16,890 --> 00:23:18,650 Yes, I will take care of it. 456 00:23:23,780 --> 00:23:25,740 So that night we were all hanging out at Stucky Bowl. 457 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,360 Everyone was laughing, having a good time. 458 00:23:30,260 --> 00:23:33,440 Well, except me and Carol. You know, things were still a little bit awkward 459 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,900 between us, so I thought I needed to do something drastic, you know, to save the 460 00:23:36,900 --> 00:23:39,220 evening, the weekend, possibly the relationship. 461 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,480 Hey, Mike? 462 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:42,520 Yes, Skippy? 463 00:23:43,540 --> 00:23:45,820 I do believe it's time to appease the aquatic gods. 464 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,580 Oh, man, you've got to be kidding me, man. No, friend, I am not. I do believe 465 00:23:50,580 --> 00:23:52,420 is time to appease the aquatic gods. 466 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,740 No. What the hell are you two inbreds talking about? 467 00:23:56,740 --> 00:24:00,180 So, back in high school, Mike and I had this tradition. Whenever one of us would 468 00:24:00,180 --> 00:24:04,740 utter the words, I believe it's time to appease the aquatic gods, then we had to 469 00:24:04,740 --> 00:24:06,820 drop whatever we were doing, no matter what time of day it was, break into the 470 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:07,820 town pool and go swimming. 471 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:09,820 This was back in high school? 472 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:11,640 Yeah, we were very cool. 473 00:24:12,020 --> 00:24:14,700 And by cool, you mean nerds. Exactly. 474 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:17,059 going swimming. 475 00:24:17,060 --> 00:24:17,839 It's November. 476 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:18,840 All going swimming indoors. 477 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,240 Stuckyville Community Center. Come on, y 'all. Let's hit the pool. 478 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:22,840 Question? 479 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:24,180 I don't have a bathing suit. 480 00:24:24,420 --> 00:24:27,420 Yes, you do. Matter of fact, you all have suits. And you know why? Because it 481 00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:32,240 just so happens that Stuckyville counts for the latest in fashionable swimwear. 482 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,340 Woo! T -shirts and shorts for everybody. 483 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,380 Come on, y 'all. Let's hit the pool. 484 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:38,640 Woo! 485 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:45,810 If you're scared of dying, Better 486 00:24:45,810 --> 00:24:52,530 not be scared to live I've been spending all my 487 00:24:52,530 --> 00:24:59,030 days Giving all I can give Last night I heard 488 00:24:59,030 --> 00:25:05,290 someone walking Through my bedroom door What they 489 00:25:05,290 --> 00:25:11,790 wanted I'm not exactly sure A friendly 490 00:25:11,790 --> 00:25:12,790 ghost 491 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:19,820 It's all I need, a friendly coast. 492 00:25:21,380 --> 00:25:25,880 It's all I need, marking time on a broken watch. 493 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:32,920 Counting days till the old pawn shop sells me back my saxophone. 494 00:25:33,460 --> 00:25:36,660 Then everyone's gonna leave me alone. 495 00:25:37,140 --> 00:25:43,160 The two times I thought I heard someone knocking on the glass. 496 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:48,600 I hid my head and prayed that it would pass. 497 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:55,900 A friendly ghost is all I need. 498 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:04,060 A friendly ghost is all I need. A 499 00:26:04,060 --> 00:26:10,380 friendly ghost is all I need. 500 00:26:22,990 --> 00:26:24,510 Sounds like a good time to me. 501 00:26:24,730 --> 00:26:27,590 Oh, come on, man. Let me tell you something. Then it comes this point in 502 00:26:27,590 --> 00:26:30,290 where I find myself at the edge of the pool with Jennifer alone. 503 00:26:30,750 --> 00:26:34,710 Deep end or shallow end? What difference does it make? I like to create a mental 504 00:26:34,710 --> 00:26:36,010 picture. Shallow. 505 00:26:36,310 --> 00:26:37,310 Gotcha. 506 00:26:40,330 --> 00:26:42,670 You know, you should take that T -shirt off in the pool. 507 00:26:43,650 --> 00:26:45,270 Really? Now, why is that? 508 00:26:45,510 --> 00:26:47,050 Because the chlorine will make the ink run. 509 00:26:47,890 --> 00:26:48,869 Is that right? 510 00:26:48,870 --> 00:26:50,950 Yeah. I'm just thinking of pool safety. 511 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,340 I mean, you know, a lot of kids from in this pool ain't getting to the system. 512 00:26:54,380 --> 00:26:59,000 Next thing you know, kids be coming down with all kind of ink related diseases 513 00:26:59,000 --> 00:26:59,919 and stuff. 514 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,940 So I should take off my shirt for the kids. 515 00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:03,500 Yes. 516 00:27:03,940 --> 00:27:06,600 I mean, the children are our future. 517 00:27:20,270 --> 00:27:21,270 That was unexpected. 518 00:27:21,530 --> 00:27:22,530 I'm sorry. 519 00:27:22,650 --> 00:27:27,910 I didn't mean to... No, no, no. No, it ain't that. It's just that I'm... I'm... 520 00:27:27,910 --> 00:27:28,910 I'm gonna get going. 521 00:27:29,110 --> 00:27:30,110 No, wait. 522 00:27:32,730 --> 00:27:38,390 But... But... I know. I know. You were kissing a beautiful woman in a pool and 523 00:27:38,390 --> 00:27:39,309 you stopped? 524 00:27:39,310 --> 00:27:43,270 I know. That's like a cardinal rule you've broken there. If you're kissing a 525 00:27:43,270 --> 00:27:46,590 beautiful woman in a pool, you do not stop. 526 00:27:47,180 --> 00:27:50,600 I mean, maybe if someone in the pool is drowning, but even still, you're well 527 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:55,260 within your rights to let someone else deal with that at that particular 528 00:27:55,620 --> 00:27:57,820 I know, man. I can't explain it myself, man. 529 00:27:58,020 --> 00:28:01,380 Well, you're going to make things right and ask her out, right? Oh, no. Come on, 530 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,900 man. She ain't ready for that. She sure seemed ready when she was all kissing on 531 00:28:04,900 --> 00:28:08,620 you. She just don't know what she's signing on for. That's all. Oh, the hell 532 00:28:08,620 --> 00:28:12,440 doesn't. You think she thinks you're too lazy to stand up? 533 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,220 Duh. She don't know what she's signing on for, man. Or is it that you don't 534 00:28:17,220 --> 00:28:18,700 what you're signing up for? 535 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:24,200 Eli, there are people you can talk to about this kind of thing. 536 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:26,280 Yeah, I know. 537 00:28:26,340 --> 00:28:28,060 Well, make sure you do it then. 538 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:33,840 And talk to Miss Jenny Fair as well. If she's as cool as you say she is, she'll 539 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:34,840 understand. 540 00:28:37,540 --> 00:28:40,080 So I decided to just get it over with, you know? 541 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:45,080 I would just tell Phil, this is not my decision, I hate to do this, but I gotta 542 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:48,320 let you go. What was I doing all this? Oh, you were having fun in the pool or 543 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:49,220 something. So 544 00:28:49,220 --> 00:28:57,440 I 545 00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:01,620 downed my third glass of wine, a little liquid courage, as the youngins say, and 546 00:29:01,620 --> 00:29:02,620 I find Phil. 547 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:11,640 Hello, Mr. 548 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,000 Stubbs. Hello, Principal Hudson. 549 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:16,180 Who was fun, wasn't it? 550 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:18,900 There was no hall sliding in there, eh? 551 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:21,660 You like the eyebrows, do you? 552 00:29:22,540 --> 00:29:24,640 It's just so stupid. 553 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,000 Yeah, actually, I have to stop because I'm getting a cramp in my forehead. 554 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:29,860 Yeah, you hate to see that. 555 00:29:30,060 --> 00:29:31,060 Yeah. 556 00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:02,900 So there you have it. 557 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:06,960 I know. 558 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,000 I know. 559 00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:09,080 This is crazy. 560 00:30:11,300 --> 00:30:13,400 I made out with Phil Stubbs. 561 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:14,880 What was I thinking? 562 00:30:16,620 --> 00:30:18,760 Do you like him? No. 563 00:30:19,460 --> 00:30:22,460 No, it's just one of those crazy things that happens. 564 00:30:24,340 --> 00:30:28,640 My God, the more I think about this. All right, calm down. 565 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:30,280 You know, my life is over. 566 00:30:30,700 --> 00:30:31,700 I mean, 567 00:30:33,070 --> 00:30:37,110 Probably down at Stucky Bowl right now just announcing this over the PA system. 568 00:30:37,310 --> 00:30:41,430 Well, you gotta talk to him about this. No, I need to move. Yeah, I hear Phoenix 569 00:30:41,430 --> 00:30:42,149 is nice. 570 00:30:42,150 --> 00:30:45,750 Molly, talk to him. Oh, God, why did I do this? 571 00:30:47,150 --> 00:30:50,910 Every girl needs a little misbehaving in her life. 572 00:30:51,970 --> 00:30:53,570 Yeah, but with Phil Stubbs? 573 00:30:54,750 --> 00:30:57,470 There's nothing in the guidance counselor handbook to answer that 574 00:30:58,710 --> 00:31:02,250 So we finished swimming and it was fun, you know? 575 00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:03,979 Really fun. 576 00:31:03,980 --> 00:31:05,100 It's like being a kid again. 577 00:31:07,460 --> 00:31:08,460 And then? 578 00:31:09,020 --> 00:31:11,340 And then Carol and I ended up together at the end of the night. 579 00:31:12,260 --> 00:31:16,280 Swimming was great. I mean, it was fun, but there was still this underlying 580 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:17,320 tension between us. 581 00:31:18,180 --> 00:31:19,180 It was fun, huh? 582 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,000 It was fun. 583 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,140 Can I ask you a question? 584 00:31:29,620 --> 00:31:30,620 Yeah. 585 00:31:31,660 --> 00:31:33,100 Why didn't you move to New York with me? 586 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:36,520 And there it was. 587 00:31:36,780 --> 00:31:37,980 The question I couldn't answer. 588 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:39,580 The question I didn't answer. 589 00:31:40,060 --> 00:31:41,540 And Carol knew I couldn't answer it. 590 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:43,900 And that's when it all went to hell. 591 00:31:49,500 --> 00:31:50,500 No answer. 592 00:31:53,540 --> 00:31:55,340 Well, what if I asked you why you moved to New York? 593 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,060 Well, then I would answer that... 594 00:31:58,670 --> 00:32:03,830 staying would have meant passing up an opportunity that we both agreed was too 595 00:32:03,830 --> 00:32:05,110 big for me to pass up. 596 00:32:05,330 --> 00:32:06,330 Yeah. 597 00:32:07,170 --> 00:32:09,010 At least I have an answer. 598 00:32:09,870 --> 00:32:13,550 Well, I guess it's complicated, Carol. 599 00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:19,070 Maybe it's not. Maybe it's not complicated at all. Maybe it's really 600 00:32:19,410 --> 00:32:20,730 How's it really obvious? 601 00:32:21,130 --> 00:32:24,390 It all boils down to one simple, undeniable fact. 602 00:32:24,710 --> 00:32:27,630 Which is? After all the fuss and all the ballyhoo, 603 00:32:28,950 --> 00:32:35,450 i'm not the one that is not true then move to new york with me 604 00:33:00,540 --> 00:33:02,220 Why didn't you move to New York with Carol? 605 00:33:02,860 --> 00:33:06,480 See, there it is. There it is again. A million -dollar question. Dr. Soper, I'm 606 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,920 sorry to interrupt, but Faith Sweeney is on the phone for you. She said it's 607 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:10,920 about Chuck. 608 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,760 I'm sorry. This will just take a minute. Go ahead. 609 00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:15,500 Faith, 610 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:16,740 Barney Soper here. 611 00:33:18,300 --> 00:33:19,740 Okay, listen to me. 612 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,300 You have got to take charge of the situation. 613 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,480 You're the boss, not Chuck. 614 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:28,000 I want you to take one of the peach -colored pills I gave you, grind it up 615 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:32,140 a fine powder and mix it into his food. He'll be sleeping like a wet noodle in 616 00:33:32,140 --> 00:33:32,939 20 minutes. 617 00:33:32,940 --> 00:33:36,700 Now, when he goes down, put him in the bathroom and lock the door. 618 00:33:37,060 --> 00:33:39,080 It's the only way you're going to get him under control right now. 619 00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:40,480 All right? 620 00:33:40,780 --> 00:33:41,780 Let me know. 621 00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:42,880 All right. 622 00:33:44,820 --> 00:33:45,980 I'm sorry for the interruption. 623 00:33:46,340 --> 00:33:50,840 No, I... Yeah, well, yeah, the million -dollar question... I'm sorry, I don't 624 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,220 mean to private... Is it okay to secretly medicate Chuck like that? I 625 00:33:54,220 --> 00:33:54,919 know I... 626 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,260 Don't know Chuck, but, uh, I mean, shouldn't he at least be consulted 627 00:33:58,260 --> 00:34:00,300 you, you know, fill him full of peach -colored pills and knock him out? 628 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:02,200 He's a great thing. 629 00:34:02,300 --> 00:34:03,300 Oh, he's, oh. 630 00:34:03,540 --> 00:34:05,520 So you prescribe medication for a patient's dog? 631 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:07,940 Technically, Chuck is my patient. 632 00:34:09,100 --> 00:34:10,520 Well, you know I'm a pet psychologist. 633 00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,940 You sent me to a dog psychologist? 634 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:18,679 Oh, so what? The guy's a genius. 635 00:34:19,270 --> 00:34:22,590 Maybe if you've got heartworm. If you have heartworm, you go see a 636 00:34:22,590 --> 00:34:25,050 This guy really knows how to get inside a dog's head. Which would be great, 637 00:34:25,090 --> 00:34:26,949 Mike, except for one fact. I'm not a dog. 638 00:34:27,170 --> 00:34:30,190 Come on, mine's a mine. Look what Dr. Sober did for Willie Butch. Down. 639 00:34:31,190 --> 00:34:33,989 Down. Down. Oh, instantaneous response. 640 00:34:34,830 --> 00:34:35,688 Okay, Mike. 641 00:34:35,690 --> 00:34:36,850 That's awesome. Dog. 642 00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:38,409 Not a dog. Dog. 643 00:34:38,650 --> 00:34:39,650 Not a dog. Dog. 644 00:34:39,830 --> 00:34:41,550 Not a dog. I am not a dog, Mike. 645 00:34:41,929 --> 00:34:42,929 We're all dog's head. 646 00:34:44,070 --> 00:34:48,190 Somebody's upset because there's a certain place with a big no dogs allowed 647 00:34:48,190 --> 00:34:49,190 on it. 648 00:34:49,370 --> 00:34:50,409 You know what that place is? 649 00:34:51,670 --> 00:34:53,290 The place is right here in your heart. 650 00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:56,810 What the hell are you talking about? 651 00:34:57,250 --> 00:34:58,250 I don't know. 652 00:35:12,790 --> 00:35:14,410 Hi, it's Carol. Leave a message. 653 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,100 You have reached the offices of Bridge and Tunnel Magazine. 654 00:35:28,580 --> 00:35:31,380 If you'd like to leave a message for... Carol Bessie. 655 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:32,800 Begin speaking. 656 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:33,960 All 657 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:42,280 right. 658 00:35:42,340 --> 00:35:43,800 Tell me why you didn't go to New York with Carol. 659 00:35:45,980 --> 00:35:47,420 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize. 660 00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:49,100 It's okay. We're done. 661 00:35:50,100 --> 00:35:51,520 Thank you so much, Doctor. 662 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,480 My pleasure, Faith. Come on, baby. 663 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:55,100 Mama's making pot roast. 664 00:35:59,140 --> 00:36:00,140 Chuck? 665 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:01,740 Actually, Chuck's brother, Randy. 666 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,100 So tell me, oh, great pet psychologist, why didn't I move to New York with 667 00:36:05,100 --> 00:36:08,960 Carol? Why do you think you didn't go? No, no, no. That's part of that doctor 668 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,340 stuff. I know how you guys do this, all right? I want answers, not questions. 669 00:36:11,700 --> 00:36:14,680 Ed, what is Stuckyville to you? That's a question. 670 00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:20,040 What is Stuckyville? I don't know. It's a place I came back to and built a new 671 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:21,040 life for myself. Did you? 672 00:36:21,660 --> 00:36:24,360 Did I what? Did you build a whole new life here in Stuckyville? 673 00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:29,580 Or did you rebuild your own life in Stuckyville? Not sure I understand. 674 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:31,180 I mean, think about it. 675 00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:34,900 The bowling alley was a place you were happy in when you were 17. 676 00:36:35,780 --> 00:36:37,860 Mike and Nancy were your friends when you were 17. 677 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,940 Carol was the girl you wanted when you were 17. 678 00:36:41,820 --> 00:36:45,360 Stuckyville is a nice, soft cocoon of when you were 17. 679 00:36:47,860 --> 00:36:51,000 Yeah, but Carol's a very large part of that. So if she's in New York, then why 680 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,860 can't I... Well, yeah, 17 -year -old Carol fits into the cocoon. 681 00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:58,680 Present day Carol in Stuckyville even fits in the cocoon. 682 00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:03,360 But to follow Carol to New York, that doesn't fit in the cocoon. 683 00:37:03,620 --> 00:37:04,620 Why not? 684 00:37:05,860 --> 00:37:09,460 Because there's only one reason to move to New York with Carol. 685 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:13,040 To marry her. 686 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,540 I don't have a problem marrying Carol. I love Carol. 687 00:37:16,860 --> 00:37:18,020 I know you love Carol. 688 00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,700 But you love being 17 even more. Well, that's not true. 689 00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:24,220 When things got bad with Carol... 690 00:37:24,650 --> 00:37:26,090 What did you try to do to fix them? 691 00:37:26,970 --> 00:37:31,290 You got everyone to sneak into the Stuckyville Community Center pool, just 692 00:37:31,290 --> 00:37:32,290 you did when you were 17. 693 00:37:35,730 --> 00:37:37,290 Maybe it's time to move forward, Ed. 694 00:37:57,960 --> 00:37:58,960 Hey there. 695 00:38:01,140 --> 00:38:04,600 The bank forms arrived for our business loans. I started filling them out, but 696 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:05,640 there's some stuff you should look at. 697 00:38:07,260 --> 00:38:08,260 Yeah. 698 00:38:08,820 --> 00:38:09,820 Uh, Jenna. 699 00:38:10,460 --> 00:38:11,460 Yeah? 700 00:38:15,180 --> 00:38:16,800 I hope this bank loan works out. 701 00:38:19,140 --> 00:38:20,140 Right. 702 00:38:22,820 --> 00:38:24,180 It'll be real good for the company. 703 00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:26,240 Really would. 704 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:37,360 Hey, man. 705 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:42,880 Hey, Maul. 706 00:38:44,060 --> 00:38:45,060 Maul? 707 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:47,400 Think I've earned it? 708 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,220 Listen, you busy on Saturday night? 709 00:38:50,420 --> 00:38:56,180 Got my own table at the ground round. Okay, okay, okay, okay. We have to talk, 710 00:38:56,260 --> 00:38:59,200 okay? They're just... They can't... 711 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,400 Be a future for us, okay? There just... There can't be. 712 00:39:02,700 --> 00:39:05,020 What? I was just holding court in the teacher's lounge. 713 00:39:05,240 --> 00:39:08,880 Baby, we're a couple of the year. That physics teacher dude was so impressed, 714 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:09,880 gave me a pulley. 715 00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:12,860 This can't be happening. This just can't be happening. 716 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:14,880 Relax. It isn't. 717 00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:17,520 What? I was kidding. 718 00:39:19,020 --> 00:39:24,260 So, you haven't told anybody about us? 719 00:39:24,620 --> 00:39:26,920 No. Oh, thank God. 720 00:39:27,820 --> 00:39:28,820 That's... 721 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:33,680 Two things. 722 00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:38,380 One, I quit. The sexual tension would destroy us both. 723 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:40,560 And two? 724 00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:44,120 What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. 725 00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:53,160 Listen, if you ever want to do it, just call me at Stucky Bowl. Phil. Yeah. 726 00:39:53,540 --> 00:39:55,240 You had a classy exit. 727 00:39:56,140 --> 00:39:59,400 Okay, but seriously, I really think I'm emotionally capable of having a purely 728 00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:00,400 physical relationship. 729 00:40:01,299 --> 00:40:02,299 Goodbye, Phil. 730 00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:05,480 Yeah. 731 00:40:21,100 --> 00:40:22,100 1916. 732 00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:23,520 What's on your mind, Bubba? 733 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:28,880 I'm kind of thinking about everything at once. You ever, 2016, do that? 734 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,160 Sometimes I imagine eating all the different breakfast at Denny's all at 735 00:40:33,820 --> 00:40:34,820 2017. 736 00:40:38,460 --> 00:40:39,460 2018. 737 00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,500 I just think that this pet psychologist might be right about me not wanting to 738 00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:44,500 grow up, you know? 739 00:40:46,060 --> 00:40:50,380 2019. Yeah, I'm thinking of you. You got a wife and kids, and what do I got? I 740 00:40:50,380 --> 00:40:52,540 mean, I'm just spending all my time in the same bowling alley we used to hang 741 00:40:52,540 --> 00:40:53,840 out when I was 17. 742 00:40:54,970 --> 00:40:58,890 I need 21 by 2. The very idea of scrapping my life in Stuckyville and 743 00:40:58,890 --> 00:41:00,930 New York City is pretty damn scary. 21 by 20. 744 00:41:01,210 --> 00:41:06,450 But mostly, I'm thinking about this tiny black line that Carol has in the iris 745 00:41:06,450 --> 00:41:07,450 of her left eye. 746 00:41:08,870 --> 00:41:09,870 It's really small. 747 00:41:09,910 --> 00:41:13,250 It's right down there at 7 o 'clock down there. 748 00:41:14,390 --> 00:41:16,290 You've got to be up really, really close just to see it. 749 00:41:19,730 --> 00:41:20,730 Man. 750 00:41:27,050 --> 00:41:28,290 And I don't think I can live without that. 751 00:41:31,110 --> 00:41:32,110 And? 752 00:41:33,650 --> 00:41:36,310 And so I'm going to move to New York City and ask our bestie to marry me. 753 00:41:39,350 --> 00:41:40,350 What? 754 00:41:40,790 --> 00:41:41,790 Are you serious? 755 00:41:43,110 --> 00:41:44,110 Congratulations, 756 00:41:44,250 --> 00:41:45,410 my friend. Thank you. 757 00:41:47,670 --> 00:41:48,670 Woo! 758 00:41:52,050 --> 00:41:53,170 Oh, man. 759 00:41:53,490 --> 00:41:54,490 Wow. 760 00:41:55,149 --> 00:41:58,070 Wow. Should have made that last shot. Yeah. Well, how great would that have 761 00:41:58,070 --> 00:42:00,790 been? Yeah, I'm going to move to New York City and boom, I'm going to Matt 762 00:42:00,790 --> 00:42:04,150 investing. Game over, 22 -20. Oh, 21 -21. 763 00:42:04,470 --> 00:42:05,510 We're going to be here all night. 764 00:42:05,830 --> 00:42:08,790 You might as well enjoy your last few days of freedom. Yeah, I'm going to 765 00:42:08,790 --> 00:42:09,790 LA Roo for you. 766 00:42:11,210 --> 00:42:14,730 Speed games. Oh, shoot. 767 00:42:16,850 --> 00:42:19,010 One, two, one, two, one, two. 768 00:42:19,550 --> 00:42:20,870 That's it, that goes, that goes. 57262

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