Original subtitles

Yes?

Excuse me, Dr. Soper?

You must be Ed Stevens?

Yeah, please come in.

Thanks.

Hi. So, would you care for some coffee before we get started? Just like that,

we're just going to start?

You know what, maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. You know, I'm just

going to sit in that chair and talk about myself for an hour. I don't know

can do that. I don't know if I can put you through that. Ed, that's the whole

point of seeing a therapist.

I know, but it's so gosh darn self -indulgent. You know, I feel like Corey

Feldman on Inside the Actor's Studio.

Your friend, Dr.

Burton, tells me you've been upset.

Depressed.

Yeah, well, that's true.

He thought maybe I could help you figure things out.

I'd love to give it a try.

Okay. Good.

Now, how about that coffee?

Say, you got any root beer?

Like, why you bending me up like this, man?

Sorry. What do you mean, sorry?

Did you think I made a silly putty? What you gonna do, smush me down on the

funny pages and peel me off until I get haggard to horrible on my ass? I said

I'm sorry, Eli. What are you so tense about?

I'm not tense.

Are you kidding me?

Y 'all knotted up like macramé, and you've been bitching at me since the

you got here. So what's going on?

I told you, ain't nothing going on. Everything is cool, man.

You're gonna tell me what's wrong. I'm gonna hit you where you can still feel

it. Always like that, man.

Very much so.

Now. If you've got appointments this afternoon, cancel them. Why?

What's up?

You're a guidance counselor. I need guidance counseling.

What's the matter, Molly? Are you feeling woodchop?

This is no joke.

Okay, sorry. Sit down.

Okay. Talk to me.

What is that?

My guidance counselor pad. Put it away. As you wish.

All right.

Here goes.

The other night at the town pool, I did something horrible.

And the other night at the town pool, that's when everything went to hell. The

other night at the town pool, I destroyed the best relationship I ever

I'm going to need some more root beer.

I'm in the sky tonight.

There I can keep by your side Watching the wide

world riot and hide Now I'll be coming next year

So to make a long story short, after three years in Stuckyville, I finally

started dating one Carol Vesey.

Three years? Yeah.

Well, you certainly know how to close a deal.

Forgive me. It was uncalled for. Anyway, the trouble started about a month ago

after Carol got this great job offer in New York City, and I couldn't bear the

thought of leaving Stuckyville and going back there, so we decided to try things

long distance for a while.

How'd that go?

It was a challenge.

Quite a challenge indeed.

I guess

we

should go.

Okay. Wait. Yeah.

One more game of cow -kitty?

All right, yeah, you go.

Okay.

Cow. Moo.

Kitty. Meow.

Cow. Moo.

Kitty. Meow.

Cow. Moo.

Cow. Moo. Kitty. Meow.

Cow. Meow.

You got me.

All right, good night.

I love you.

I love you.

I told you about Jennifer Young, right?

Jennifer Young?

Yeah, the pie lady.

Oh, yeah, the pie lady, the one you're in business with. So the other day we

were sitting down going over our market extraction.

Did you know we were selling more pies?

What?

A radio jingle.

And what kind of jingle do you have in mind? You know, it's funny you should

me, Jennifer, because I've been giving this a lot of thought. And let me break

this down to you logically.

I'm listening.

Whatever we do, it's got to be gangster, because that's how we live.

It can't be too gangster.

We don't want to scare off the elderly Caucasians. See, that's our pie eating

demographic. That's very wise.

No, you know what we need? We need a rapping granny.

You're kidding, right? Now, come on. You know how funny it is when white people

try to talk like black folks.

Hey, Miss Harris.

Repeat after me.

Off the heezy for sheezy.

Beezy, cheesy, and the goo.

Now, come on now. Come on. You know that is state -of -the -art comedy right

there. That's priceless right there.

Eli. Yes?

I'm starting to think you might be a dumbass.

And right that second, I looked at Jennifer, covered in flour, calling me

dumbass, and I realized I was falling in love.

I've been calling you a dumbass for months.

Yeah, lad, but I don't date black men.

I don't get it, Molly. I was with you the whole night.

What'd I miss?

Okay, let me start from the beginning.

My tale of woe begins one evening at Stucky Bowl.

Hey, um...

Shirley, do you have any gum? Indeed I do.

Help yourself.

Uh, wax lips? Enjoy.

Do you have any regular gum?

Why chew regular gum when you can chew a gum that is also a cocktail?

The zen of Shirley Piffko.

Well, well, if it isn't Barbara Hershey and Angelina Jolie.

Hi, Phil. Hey, you want a bowl of game? No, thanks. Come on, I'll handicap

myself. How? Size 15 shoes.

Uh, no, you know, I've got to go home anyways. I've got to be up at 6 a .m. A

little Tai Chi at sunrise?

No, I'm doing an interview before school starts. For what? We're hiring a new

night janitor.

That was my first mistake. I mean, of course, if I knew that he was going

What are you doing?

I'm listening.

What is that, your guidance counseling face?

Why does it look weird?

So after a couple of weeks of endless phone calls, it was finally time for my

first visit to New York, so I got in on a Friday, and Carol invited me to come

by the office.

And even though we had only been apart for just a little while, you know,

her made it seem that much longer. She just looked different.

So this is like the layout area. They designed the whole magazine here. And,

oh, artwork.

Yes. And, oh, this is the best part.

Ta -da.

This is where I sit.

Oh, cool. Do you want to see what I look like when I write? Yeah, do I ever.

Oh, that's impressive. That's very good. You look great.

Thank you. So do you.

Oh, really? Thanks.

What's with the cap?

Oh, this?

It's a trucker cap. They sell them on the street. I just bought one.

Why, is it no good? It doesn't look, it's no good? No, it's stupid.

We did this silly trend watcher piece in the magazine about how trucker caps

are, you know.

What? They're out of fashion.

What? I just, I haven't even seen one before today. I said it's stupid. It's

nothing. Oh, Stephen, hey, hey, hey, come here.

You've got to say hi to Ed. Oh, it's the boyfriend.

Yeah. How's it going, bro?

Yeah, good. Well, thank you.

Steven is a photographer, and he has really, really been helping me settle

Yes. Oh, great. That's kind of you.

No problem.

You've got a fine young woman here, bro. Thanks, bro.

All right.

I've got to hand these in. I'll see you guys later.

Trucker cap? I hardly knew you.

Other things to show you.

Carol fit in so well with her new magazine buddies. I just didn't. And

time I dared open my mouth, they looked at me like I was speaking Portuguese.

Last night at the Soho Grand, I ran into Giovanni Ribisi. Oh, my God. He was so

funny in Lost in Translation. He cracked me up.

Ed, have you seen it?

No.

Uh -huh.

Now, wait till you hear what happened next. Hold on.

You really met Chuck Norris?

That wasn't the point.

Well, I know I'm just a fan.

Walker, Texas Ranger.

A lovely piece of work.

So later that evening, we went back to Carol's place.

God, miracles are uncool in all my life. Come on.

You're great.

Loved you.

How about that one guy who asked me if I bought Stucky Wolf for the kids factor?

What the heck is that supposed to mean?

You're overreacting.

What about that girl? What the hell is a friendster?

Actually, this cool online thing you can... Buddy Steven goes on and on and

keeps dropping names left, right, and center. You know, next time, I'm going

pretend I know Gerard Depardieu. All right, enough.

They're nice people. They were just having a little fun.

Whatever.

Relax.

They're just not used to wholesome...

Midwestern types like you.

You mean wholesome Midwestern types like us, right?

Is there a problem?

No, no problem.

Everything's great. Everything's fine.

Mm -hmm.

Well, if there's nothing for us to talk about, get ready for bed.

supposed to move

so

the question is does jennifer think about me the way i think about her my

experience that's usually pretty obvious yeah like man but when you're in a

wheelchair man i mean when you're in one of these things man people always give

you that smiley wheelchair face you know right be so much easier if i could just

look at people and know what's going on inside their head

Was a bullfrog dinner and was a good friend of mine. Hey, never understood

a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine.

24 across, Dennis Rodman's ex -wife.

Carmen Electron.

Electra.

Thank you, my reading Eli.

Want to know if I like you?

Stop staring at me like an aardvark and make your move.

Where the hell did she get oddball from?

Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea.

Hey, joy to you and me.

So, did you make your move?

Yes, I did.

Hey, Jennifer.

Hey, listen. It's around suppertime. I was wondering if you'd like to go get

something to eat.

Oh, I was supposed to meet a friend tonight.

It's all right. It's all right. No problem. No, let me just call and tell

can't make it.

Nicely done, Eli.

Yeah, very smooth.

Was anybody talking to you? No? So you might as well get on out of here because

it's a private conversation.

Thank you.

Can't stand that dude, man.

Which brings us to the next morning.

So, how long have you been a custodian?

Two years.

And what did you do prior to that?

Investment banking.

I was downsized when the market went south.

Really? Oh.

Nah. Just yanking your noodle.

That was a dishwasher with chilies.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. All right. Okay, well, thank you for coming in, and we'll be in

Thank you.

Next one, Eunice.

Bill, what are you doing here?

I want the job.

You want to be the night janitor? No, I want to be the star of Becker, but I

don't think Ted Danson's going anywhere anytime soon.

You've already got a job. I know. I need another one. I've got to support my

eBay habit.

What's a guy like you buy on eBay?

Mostly pants.

Used pants.

Huh. I can't hire you. Why not?

Because you're irresponsible and extremely annoying.

Yeah, but in a funny way, right?

I've never thought so.

Oh, come on. Give me a chance here. I won't let you down.

Not until it's too late.

A week went by.

Then it was Carol's turn to visit. After the way things had gone in New York, I

was pretty nervous about it.

Listen, friend, where do you think I should take Carol? I mean, I really want

show her a good time. Hang on, check this out.

Watch this. Willie Butch, down, down.

Oh, you see that? That instantaneous response. Come on, Lefty, this is

important.

So is this. Two weeks ago, Willie Butch wouldn't listen to a word I said. Now

it's like I'm Dr.

Doolittle. I'm telling you, this guy we took him to really straightened him out.

Well, that's great, Hulk. Really, it is. But what about Carol?

I don't know.

Sure.

Should I figure something out?

There's no reason to feel... down.

He's a furry little genius.

You're a furry little genius.

So I came up with this perfect plan for me and Carol. A little hike and then an

early dinner at this cool little mountain lodge. It never happened.

Why not?

Well... Hello.

Hey, Carol, you... Hey.

Hey, man. You remember Steven?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm doing a piece on New York.

For the thuggy villain who came along to take some pictures.

Is that right?

This place is unreal, man.

I gotta shoot some stuff here.

Be my guest.

It's okay, isn't it? Totally spur of the moment.

Oh, yeah, it's fine.

Great.

So it's nice to... Oh, my God, look at those guys.

They're like...

That is a great shot.

Be respectful, though. That's all right. You know, these guys are great, great

guys, and they're regular customers. No, totally. I just want to get a flavor of

the place.

Okay.

Whoa, check out the rollers.

Well, yeah, rollers. Well, you know, yeah, people are just doing more casual

down here. That's all. Yeah, no, I think it's great.

You know, there's a street fair in town. Why don't we go check it out? Good

idea.

Just one second.

I think I just found our cover photo.

Hey, just...

Leave Shirley out of this, okay?

What's the problem, bro? No problem. Everything's fine. Are we done here?

What did I do? Nothing.

Let's go check out the street fair.

Good idea. Want to come?

No, you know what? I'm fine. I've got a lot of work to do. I'm going to do that

work. You sure? Yeah, absolutely sure. You know what? I'll meet you for dinner

later. Later, Stephen. All right, man.

Sorry about the weirdness.

Bye.

So, how'd the rest of Carol's visit go?

Well, later that night, after the Stephen fiasco, I met her back at my

And what happened?

I went nuts.

Hey, Cal.

Yeah, I'm in here.

So where's Stephen?

He checked into the Stuckyville Inn.

Good. So what are you in the mood for tonight? You want to try that little

Pakistani place or that Persian thing or the... Oh, I thought we were going out

to dinner.

I know, we were, but I got tired of waiting, so I microwaved a pizza. Sorry.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, sure, fine.

Got all your work done?

Carol, you and I both know that work thing is just an excuse.

Oh, so we stopped being passive -aggressive with each other. Awesome.

Sorry, Carol, but you know that Steven guy was just really bugging me. I mean,

know he's your friend and all, but God, what a New York snob.

He's not a New York snob. He's an ordinary guy. He's from Iowa, for God's

He's only been in New York like six months.

Yeah, you only lived in New York one month. Look at you. What?

What does that mean? You know what it means. Look at you. I mean, look at you

with the clothes and the camisole and the hair, and I don't even... Well,

changed. You've changed.

Whoa, this whole conversation just took a wrong turn in Albuquerque.

It's true. You know it's true.

What's true? That I bought, like, two new outfits?

Clothes make the man, Carol. The clothes make the man. Ed, I think you're having

some kind of panic attack. Do you hear yourself?

You sound like a crazy person.

I sound like a...

I sound like a crazy person?

Listen to how you sound. Listen to how you sound. You picked up a New York

accent. You've got to be joking. You are joking, aren't you? You've got to be

joking. You're joking, aren't you?

That's not even a New York accent. You sound like Ted Kennedy. Whatever. I give

up.

Is this the way it's going to be?

What the way it's going to be?

A relationship.

Me in New York, you in Stuckyville, hours on the phone in a lonely bedroom,

weekends packed with guilt and anxiety.

What are you saying?

What are you saying?

I'm not saying anything.

I'm asking, is this the way it's going to be? I don't know.

And the next night I was working late and I heard this kind of strange sound

coming from down the hallway.

Molly, Molly, Molly, don't you ever go home?

This is my home. It's also a high school, not a butt -sliding emporium.

It's just soap and water. Don't worry. The sliding contributes to the cleansing

process. Whatever, Jesus.

Stop screwing around and mop it up.

Yeah, whatever.

Hey, before I do, you want to go?

What?

You want to ride the serpent?

You refer to sliding down this hallway on your ass as riding the serpent?

Only when I'm trying to sell the concept.

And what makes you think that I would possibly want to do that? The fact that

you're sitting alone in a high school principal's office at 10 o 'clock at

night, bored out of your pretty little skull?

So then we were at the goat, Jennifer and I, right? For her, it was just a

dinner. For me, it was my first date since my accident.

Were you nervous?

Nah, nah. I was cool.

How's your fish, baby?

You calling me baby now?

No, no, no, no, no. I'm just inquiring as to the status of your seafood entree.

Oh, I see.

Very good. Thank you.

Good, good.

Let me ask you something.

Why I never hear you talk about your boyfriend?

Because I don't have one. I dumped him two months ago.

Really? What happened?

He turned out to be a loser.

Spent all his time making audition tapes for reality shows. Are you serious?

Yeah. Survivor came on. He's like, I'm going to be the next Jervis.

Bachelorette came on. He's like, they got to have a black bachelor.

Everybody knows Shane can't marry no black dude, but they got to have one

for appearances.

So why'd you go out with him in the first place?

I don't know.

I guess because he was 6 '4 and looked like Rick Fox.

Yeah, I guess that's a good enough reason.

So how tall are you anyway?

What's that?

I'm just curious. I mean, I've known you for a while now, but I've got no idea

how tall you are. Because every time you see me, I'm sitting down like my man

Peter Jennings.

So, how tall are you?

7 '3", baby.

7 '3". So stupid.

So after dinner, you took her to the pool for a little underwater dance city

dance. No, no, no. We didn't get to the pool yet. I myself have never

experienced a woman in a pool.

Irene does not go in for that type of thing. Like, we didn't get to the pool

yet. One time in the Bahamas, we almost got busy in the shower, but she got some

of that Australian three -minute miracle conditioning in her eye, and that was

it. Miracle over.

I say, bastards.

Go on, go on. Will you let me get to the night we went to the pool? Speak, my

brother.

Ass sore? Because my ass is sore.

That is surely the first time that sentence has been uttered in this

hope. Seriously, is your ass sore? Because I myself feel like I lost a

bullfight. You want to see me?

Yeah, I wanted to say thanks.

For what? I don't know if you know this, but my love life has recently imploded.

Or maybe it exploded. I think it actually simultaneously imploded and

You know, I have an excellent cream for that.

Phil. I'm sorry.

I cannot stop being obnoxious to you all at once. Anyways, I've really been

feeling kind of down lately, and that stupid sliding around the whole thing

really cheered me up. Humans cannot be sad while sliding around on a soapy

hallway. That is just, that's in the hard wiring.

Hmm.

Hello.

Uh, Mr. Emerson.

Yes, sir, I... Uh -huh.

Yes, sir.

Well, tender.

It wasn't good, was it? The phone call in the middle of the day from the

superintendent of schools ever good? No. No.

He told me I had to fire Phil, that all the teachers were complaining that he

wasn't cleaning the school properly.

Yes. Oh, well, Mr. Emerson, I... Okay.

Yes, sir.

Yes, I will take care of it.

So that night we were all hanging out at Stucky Bowl.

Everyone was laughing, having a good time.

Well, except me and Carol. You know, things were still a little bit awkward

between us, so I thought I needed to do something drastic, you know, to save the

evening, the weekend, possibly the relationship.

Hey, Mike?

Yes, Skippy?

I do believe it's time to appease the aquatic gods.

Oh, man, you've got to be kidding me, man. No, friend, I am not. I do believe

is time to appease the aquatic gods.

No. What the hell are you two inbreds talking about?

So, back in high school, Mike and I had this tradition. Whenever one of us would

utter the words, I believe it's time to appease the aquatic gods, then we had to

drop whatever we were doing, no matter what time of day it was, break into the

town pool and go swimming.

This was back in high school?

Yeah, we were very cool.

And by cool, you mean nerds. Exactly.

going swimming.

It's November.

All going swimming indoors.

Stuckyville Community Center. Come on, y 'all. Let's hit the pool.

Question?

I don't have a bathing suit.

Yes, you do. Matter of fact, you all have suits. And you know why? Because it

just so happens that Stuckyville counts for the latest in fashionable swimwear.

Woo! T -shirts and shorts for everybody.

Come on, y 'all. Let's hit the pool.

Woo!

If you're scared of dying, Better

not be scared to live I've been spending all my

days Giving all I can give Last night I heard

someone walking Through my bedroom door What they

wanted I'm not exactly sure A friendly

ghost

It's all I need, a friendly coast.

It's all I need, marking time on a broken watch.

Counting days till the old pawn shop sells me back my saxophone.

Then everyone's gonna leave me alone.

The two times I thought I heard someone knocking on the glass.

I hid my head and prayed that it would pass.

A friendly ghost is all I need.

A friendly ghost is all I need. A

friendly ghost is all I need.

Sounds like a good time to me.

Oh, come on, man. Let me tell you something. Then it comes this point in

where I find myself at the edge of the pool with Jennifer alone.

Deep end or shallow end? What difference does it make? I like to create a mental

picture. Shallow.

Gotcha.

You know, you should take that T -shirt off in the pool.

Really? Now, why is that?

Because the chlorine will make the ink run.

Is that right?

Yeah. I'm just thinking of pool safety.

I mean, you know, a lot of kids from in this pool ain't getting to the system.

Next thing you know, kids be coming down with all kind of ink related diseases

and stuff.

So I should take off my shirt for the kids.

Yes.

I mean, the children are our future.

That was unexpected.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to... No, no, no. No, it ain't that. It's just that I'm... I'm...

I'm gonna get going.

No, wait.

But... But... I know. I know. You were kissing a beautiful woman in a pool and

you stopped?

I know. That's like a cardinal rule you've broken there. If you're kissing a

beautiful woman in a pool, you do not stop.

I mean, maybe if someone in the pool is drowning, but even still, you're well

within your rights to let someone else deal with that at that particular

I know, man. I can't explain it myself, man.

Well, you're going to make things right and ask her out, right? Oh, no. Come on,

man. She ain't ready for that. She sure seemed ready when she was all kissing on

you. She just don't know what she's signing on for. That's all. Oh, the hell

doesn't. You think she thinks you're too lazy to stand up?

Duh. She don't know what she's signing on for, man. Or is it that you don't

what you're signing up for?

Eli, there are people you can talk to about this kind of thing.

Yeah, I know.

Well, make sure you do it then.

And talk to Miss Jenny Fair as well. If she's as cool as you say she is, she'll

understand.

So I decided to just get it over with, you know?

I would just tell Phil, this is not my decision, I hate to do this, but I gotta

let you go. What was I doing all this? Oh, you were having fun in the pool or

something. So

I

downed my third glass of wine, a little liquid courage, as the youngins say, and

I find Phil.

Hello, Mr.

Stubbs. Hello, Principal Hudson.

Who was fun, wasn't it?

There was no hall sliding in there, eh?

You like the eyebrows, do you?

It's just so stupid.

Yeah, actually, I have to stop because I'm getting a cramp in my forehead.

Yeah, you hate to see that.

Yeah.

So there you have it.

I know.

I know.

This is crazy.

I made out with Phil Stubbs.

What was I thinking?

Do you like him? No.

No, it's just one of those crazy things that happens.

My God, the more I think about this. All right, calm down.

You know, my life is over.

I mean,

Probably down at Stucky Bowl right now just announcing this over the PA system.

Well, you gotta talk to him about this. No, I need to move. Yeah, I hear Phoenix

is nice.

Molly, talk to him. Oh, God, why did I do this?

Every girl needs a little misbehaving in her life.

Yeah, but with Phil Stubbs?

There's nothing in the guidance counselor handbook to answer that

So we finished swimming and it was fun, you know?

Really fun.

It's like being a kid again.

And then?

And then Carol and I ended up together at the end of the night.

Swimming was great. I mean, it was fun, but there was still this underlying

tension between us.

It was fun, huh?

It was fun.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

Why didn't you move to New York with me?

And there it was.

The question I couldn't answer.

The question I didn't answer.

And Carol knew I couldn't answer it.

And that's when it all went to hell.

No answer.

Well, what if I asked you why you moved to New York?

Well, then I would answer that...

staying would have meant passing up an opportunity that we both agreed was too

big for me to pass up.

Yeah.

At least I have an answer.

Well, I guess it's complicated, Carol.

Maybe it's not. Maybe it's not complicated at all. Maybe it's really

How's it really obvious?

It all boils down to one simple, undeniable fact.

Which is? After all the fuss and all the ballyhoo,

i'm not the one that is not true then move to new york with me

Why didn't you move to New York with Carol?

See, there it is. There it is again. A million -dollar question. Dr. Soper, I'm

sorry to interrupt, but Faith Sweeney is on the phone for you. She said it's

about Chuck.

I'm sorry. This will just take a minute. Go ahead.

Faith,

Barney Soper here.

Okay, listen to me.

You have got to take charge of the situation.

You're the boss, not Chuck.

I want you to take one of the peach -colored pills I gave you, grind it up

a fine powder and mix it into his food. He'll be sleeping like a wet noodle in

20 minutes.

Now, when he goes down, put him in the bathroom and lock the door.

It's the only way you're going to get him under control right now.

All right?

Let me know.

All right.

I'm sorry for the interruption.

No, I... Yeah, well, yeah, the million -dollar question... I'm sorry, I don't

mean to private... Is it okay to secretly medicate Chuck like that? I

know I...

Don't know Chuck, but, uh, I mean, shouldn't he at least be consulted

you, you know, fill him full of peach -colored pills and knock him out?

He's a great thing.

Oh, he's, oh.

So you prescribe medication for a patient's dog?

Technically, Chuck is my patient.

Well, you know I'm a pet psychologist.

You sent me to a dog psychologist?

Oh, so what? The guy's a genius.

Maybe if you've got heartworm. If you have heartworm, you go see a

This guy really knows how to get inside a dog's head. Which would be great,

Mike, except for one fact. I'm not a dog.

Come on, mine's a mine. Look what Dr. Sober did for Willie Butch. Down.

Down. Down. Oh, instantaneous response.

Okay, Mike.

That's awesome. Dog.

Not a dog. Dog.

Not a dog. Dog.

Not a dog. I am not a dog, Mike.

We're all dog's head.

Somebody's upset because there's a certain place with a big no dogs allowed

on it.

You know what that place is?

The place is right here in your heart.

What the hell are you talking about?

I don't know.

Hi, it's Carol. Leave a message.

You have reached the offices of Bridge and Tunnel Magazine.

If you'd like to leave a message for... Carol Bessie.

Begin speaking.

All

right.

Tell me why you didn't go to New York with Carol.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize.

It's okay. We're done.

Thank you so much, Doctor.

My pleasure, Faith. Come on, baby.

Mama's making pot roast.

Chuck?

Actually, Chuck's brother, Randy.

So tell me, oh, great pet psychologist, why didn't I move to New York with

Carol? Why do you think you didn't go? No, no, no. That's part of that doctor

stuff. I know how you guys do this, all right? I want answers, not questions.

Ed, what is Stuckyville to you? That's a question.

What is Stuckyville? I don't know. It's a place I came back to and built a new

life for myself. Did you?

Did I what? Did you build a whole new life here in Stuckyville?

Or did you rebuild your own life in Stuckyville? Not sure I understand.

I mean, think about it.

The bowling alley was a place you were happy in when you were 17.

Mike and Nancy were your friends when you were 17.

Carol was the girl you wanted when you were 17.

Stuckyville is a nice, soft cocoon of when you were 17.

Yeah, but Carol's a very large part of that. So if she's in New York, then why

can't I... Well, yeah, 17 -year -old Carol fits into the cocoon.

Present day Carol in Stuckyville even fits in the cocoon.

But to follow Carol to New York, that doesn't fit in the cocoon.

Why not?

Because there's only one reason to move to New York with Carol.

To marry her.

I don't have a problem marrying Carol. I love Carol.

I know you love Carol.

But you love being 17 even more. Well, that's not true.

When things got bad with Carol...

What did you try to do to fix them?

You got everyone to sneak into the Stuckyville Community Center pool, just

you did when you were 17.

Maybe it's time to move forward, Ed.

Hey there.

The bank forms arrived for our business loans. I started filling them out, but

there's some stuff you should look at.

Yeah.

Uh, Jenna.

Yeah?

I hope this bank loan works out.

Right.

It'll be real good for the company.

Really would.

Hey, man.

Hey, Maul.

Maul?

Think I've earned it?

Listen, you busy on Saturday night?

Got my own table at the ground round. Okay, okay, okay, okay. We have to talk,

okay? They're just... They can't...

Be a future for us, okay? There just... There can't be.

What? I was just holding court in the teacher's lounge.

Baby, we're a couple of the year. That physics teacher dude was so impressed,

gave me a pulley.

This can't be happening. This just can't be happening.

Relax. It isn't.

What? I was kidding.

So, you haven't told anybody about us?

No. Oh, thank God.

That's...

Two things.

One, I quit. The sexual tension would destroy us both.

And two?

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Listen, if you ever want to do it, just call me at Stucky Bowl. Phil. Yeah.

You had a classy exit.

Okay, but seriously, I really think I'm emotionally capable of having a purely

physical relationship.

Goodbye, Phil.

Yeah.

1916.

What's on your mind, Bubba?

I'm kind of thinking about everything at once. You ever, 2016, do that?

Sometimes I imagine eating all the different breakfast at Denny's all at

2017.

2018.

I just think that this pet psychologist might be right about me not wanting to

grow up, you know?

2019. Yeah, I'm thinking of you. You got a wife and kids, and what do I got? I

mean, I'm just spending all my time in the same bowling alley we used to hang

out when I was 17.

I need 21 by 2. The very idea of scrapping my life in Stuckyville and

New York City is pretty damn scary. 21 by 20.

But mostly, I'm thinking about this tiny black line that Carol has in the iris

of her left eye.

It's really small.

It's right down there at 7 o 'clock down there.

You've got to be up really, really close just to see it.

Man.

And I don't think I can live without that.

And?

And so I'm going to move to New York City and ask our bestie to marry me.

What?

Are you serious?

Congratulations,

my friend. Thank you.

Woo!

Oh, man.

Wow.

Wow. Should have made that last shot. Yeah. Well, how great would that have

been? Yeah, I'm going to move to New York City and boom, I'm going to Matt

investing. Game over, 22 -20. Oh, 21 -21.

We're going to be here all night.

You might as well enjoy your last few days of freedom. Yeah, I'm going to

LA Roo for you.

Speed games. Oh, shoot.

One, two, one, two, one, two.

That's it, that goes, that goes.

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