All language subtitles for Ed s03e18 Business As Usual

We need each other, Dr. Jerome.

I'll come back if you want me to come
back, but as an equal partner.

Okay.

What's wrong with Toby Gibbons? It's
fine.

I think you should go out with Toby
Gibbons.

Carol, can I kiss you?

Toby,

I'm not sure that we're connecting.

I'll walk you out.

Listen, there's an elephant in the room
that both of us are pretending to

ignore. What do you got going on there?
Nothing. Come on, what's up with you

guys? Nothing. Nothing is up with me and
Frankie. I'm her employer.

She's my employee.

The way I see it, there are five ways we
can play this.

Play what?

You know, the whole boss -employee -kids
thing that happened last night? Right.

One, we can totally ignore it and
pretend it never happened.

Two, we can acknowledge it with subtle
knowing glances, but never mention it by

name. Three, we can drive each other
crazy by arguing all the time like

and Tracy, all the while existing with
an air of big sexual tension.

Four, we can have a rational discourse
about office romance and mutually decide

on the appropriate course of action.

Five, we can throw caution to the wind
and hurl ourselves into the unknown.

What's it going to be?

What do you think?

One is out because we're already not
ignoring it.

We can try two, but I'm not great with
subtle glances. I'm cool with either

three or four.

Five may be a little too much to commit
to.

Right.

What's the one where we have a rational
talk and usually a course of action?

Four.

Four. Yeah.

I'm good with four. No, four is fake
because we're already doing four by

through this list.

Why throw them away?

I don't know. I felt like I needed five
altogether.

Hi. Hey.

All right, then.

Looks like we've got a plan.

We haven't.

I'm in the sky tonight There I can

keep by your side

Watching the wide world riot and hiding
out.

I'll be coming next year.

Excuse me, Dr. Jerome, do you have a
second?

For you, Dr. Burton, two seconds.

My favorite joke.

What do you want?

It's been a few weeks now since we
formed our equal partnership, and I feel

time I shared some concerns with you.
Speak up, Zippy. I can't hear you over

Apple.

All right.

Okay. You see, in many ways, I still
feel this is your practice, and I just

here. For example, the Muzak.

It would be my vote to switch over to
rock and roll. Nothing too heavy, just a

nice classic rock. Eagles, Jackson
Brown, BTO.

That's Bachman Turner Overdrive.

And, well,

the sign out front.

Still the same old sign with the dinky
little Dr. Burton card hanging from the

bottom. I propose a new sign with equal
reference... Excuse me, Dr. Burton? Yes?

Forgive me interrupting, but I can't
help but wonder, have you gone

out of your rutabaga -sized head? Come
on, Dr. Drum, that's not fair. And you

know, we're equal partners now, and it's
only right... All right, all right, all

right. You want a new sign?

Yes, Dr. Drum, I really do.

I'll order a new sign.

Really? Yes.

With both our names in equal -sized
print?

Yes. Now skedaddle, Dr.

Burton, before I change my mind.

All right.

Thanks, Dr. Drum.

It's a great start.

I often feel compelled to fill awkward
silences by yodeling.

Go right ahead.

Excuse

me?

Ah, there you are.

Hi. Hi.

How can we help you?

Well, I seem to have got myself into a
bit of a pickle, and I need to be de

-pickled. I think the term you're
looking for is depicolized. Please have

seat. How can we help you, Ms.? Barnes.

Ms. Barnes. Hey, Stevens.

Lisa. Frankie Hector.

Hi. All right, so you know those deals
you make with your friends that if

not married by a certain age, you'll
agree to marry each other? Oh, yeah, I

one of those. Aaron Willenbrook. We were
16.

What age did you agree to be married?

81. I wanted to keep my options open for
as long as possible.

Smart girl.

Brad Campbell and I agreed on 35, and
I'm turning 35 next month, and he's

to hold me to it. That's crazy.

Can't you just tell them that's crazy?
Well, I've tried.

There's just one little problem.

We drew up a binding agreement.

We were law students at the time of
contract law. The undersigned shall not

bound by the laws of Stuckyville, but by
the laws of love, dedication, and

honor. Believe it or not, Joan Colt's
over when we drafted that paragraph.

Wow.

There's a penalty of $100 ,000 for
whoever reneges on the contract? You

know what you're doing, huh? You've got
to get me out of this. I can't marry

Brad Campbell.

And I've got about 48 cents on my
checking account.

All right, well, we'll see what we can
do.

I'll give you a call this afternoon.

Great. Thanks.

You're welcome. Bye.

Well?

I don't think we should pursue this.

We just told her that we... This.

Oh.

Okay. It's too hard.

Too distracting.

All right. Very good, then.

All righty, then.

I'm sorry, I just can't my brain believe
that you're sleeping with Stella

Bessie. You're making this up. I'm not.
We've done it six and a half times now.

What's a half supposed to mean?

All right, shut your mouth.

Oh, my God.

Wow, look at those things. Crystal could
have used those to wrap the Reichstag.

I know things. What's going on?

The school paper's running a story about
my weight loss, so of course they

needed the old Tommy Lasorda giant pants
shot.

Man, you're like one of those Russian
nesting dogs. You just keep getting

smaller. Yeah, right.

I'm going to crack open and a tiny
Joseph Stalin's going to wobble out.

what's with the Miata?

I just added it to the list.

What list?

Mark's making a list of all the things
he can do now that he's thinner.

Yep. When I was 480, there was no way I
could have squeezed my bulk into the

cockpit of a Miata.

Now I can.

Only I had $24 ,000.

I'm proud of you, buddy.

Mike, this is so exciting.

It's like you're getting a star on
Hollywood Boulevard.

Sign. Oh, look at you with your false
modesty. I know how much this means to

you. Oh, here they go. Get ready.

All right.

Say new sign. Wait, no. You have to make
a neat sound to smile. Say, me seen.

Me seen.

Wow. Yeah, wow.

Whoa. What?

Walter Randolph Jerome?

Walter Randolph Jerome?

Oh, good morning, partner. How's Bayou?

What's Randolph doing on the side?

Oh, that's my middle name. I have a
great uncle, Randolph.

Terrific answer.

Don't play down with me, Dr. Jerome. I
know you put it there to make your name

bigger than mine. That's absurd.

Oh, yeah? Then why didn't you run it by
me? Because you're trying to one -up me,

that's why. Stop acting like a drunk
flamingo. Don't you call me a drunk

flamingo. I'm in equal partners
practice.

They're not really fighting.

They are rehearsing. The comedy's a kid.

Their catchphrase is drunk flamingo,
so... Listen

to this. Brad and Lisa shall have no
less than two children, but no more than

four children by the age of 50. Who
thinks like that?

Well, it seems like a reasonable goal,
you know, three kids by the age of 50. I

agree, just not to fulfill a contractual
obligation.

I can't believe any court would even
hear this case.

No court would.

Paragraph 28.

If either party contests the terms of
the contract, the matter goes into

arbitration. Oh, my God. That's so
brilliant. Did you

just smell me?

What? No.

I think you just smelled me.

No. No. I didn't just smell you. I heard
you make a sniffing sound. You went...

No, I don't recall making that sound.
Oh, no, no, you definitely made it.

I had like a sniffle, you know? Like I
was catching a cold or something, a

sniffle. But you didn't smell me. No,
absolutely not.

My mistake.

No problem.

Well, that talk made me curious.

So that time you smelled me? That time,
yeah. Previous time, no.

And?

Want to go to my place? Yeah.

Hey, Mark.

Hey, Winner.

Listen, I've been meaning to tell you,
you're looking really great.

Oh.

Um, thanks.

Hey, Jimmy.

Hey. Bye, Mark.

Dude, Lynette Martin?

Yeah. What's that like, having Lynette
Martin drooling over your scrawny ass?

She's just being polite.

Oh, come on. How does it feel?

It's kind of surreal, but good.

God, he must be loving life these days.

You know, you can spy the hell out of
me.

How do you mean? You going to lose
weight? I'm getting Vanacord.

What do you mean? I'm having gastric
bypass surgery.

You are?

Yeah, I'm going in next week. I'm so
psyched, I can't even tell you. And

doing this because of me?

Yeah. Look at you. How could I not?

Later, skinny.

Later.

So you think anyone will notice I'm
wearing yesterday's clothes? I doubt it.

about me?

No.

Wait, we spent the night at your place.
How come you're wearing the same thing?

Solidarity. We're in this thing
together.

Nice. But speaking of this thing, we
probably need a new plan of action for

night of last night's festivity.

Right, right. Do you have any thoughts?
Only one. Whichever plan we choose, the

festivities must continue.

Yeah, you think so? Oh, yeah. I'm going
to have to insist on more festivities.

All right, okay.

Well, in that case, how about this?

Well, during the work hours, we're
business as usual. Just the same as

And at the end of the work day, we shift
into festivity mode. Yes, and just to

keep our boundaries super clear, we'll
get one of those really loud quit -in

-time whistles.

Right, right. And a big old dinosaur, so
when the whistle blows, we can slide

down his back, just like Fred
Flintstone. Perfect. Then we're all set.

What do you say we kick off tonight's
festivities with a movie?

Ed, you can't ask me out during work
hours. I'm sorry.

Movie's good.

I swear, I've never seen such petty
behavior in my entire life. They're like

nine -year -olds fighting over a Zagna
bar.

What? And it isn't any better now that
they're equal partners?

If anything, it's worse, because now
Mike is giving us going to be guests,

that drives Dr. Jerome crazy.

They're both intelligent men. You'd
think they could find some way to work

together.

Ahoy there, crew members.

Hi, Toby.

Hi, Toby.

How you doing? You doing okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. You? Me?

Gangbusters. Went to Foxwoods last
weekend.

It's an Indian casino.

Right. This is one pale face that left
with plenty of wumpum.

So, Nancy, I couldn't help but overhear
about your husband's little conundrum at

work. Oh, yeah. It's nothing, really.

I can fix it.

You can?

How? Well, believe it or not, before I
got into the comptroller game, I spent

years as a professional conflict
management consultant.

Which is what exactly?

Corporations used to hire me to teach
their executives how to get along and

improve productivity.

It's partially funny that Oshkosh Bogosh
is the finely oiled machine

it is today.

Thank you so much, Toby. I will
definitely keep that in mind. Feel free

me at home.

I will. Great.

Oh, and if a woman answers the phone,
it's my new girlfriend, Linda.

Okay.

Thank you, Toby.

Ahoy! Sweet.

I saw Harrison Ford on TV last night. He
was wearing an earring. So?

I don't know. He just doesn't seem like
an earring guy.

It saddened me a bit, honestly.

You know what I mean?

I guess.

What's the matter with you, Holmes? I'm
still worried about Jimmy.

Yeah, I really am. I mean, that
surgery's risky, you know? What if

goes wrong? He'll probably be fine.

Yeah, but if he isn't, I'm responsible.

I don't see how, Mark. It's not like you
talked him into it.

No, I didn't have to talk. I just had to
strut around like Mr. Finny McFinn got.

I'm like the poster boy for this thing.
Well, if it'll make you feel better, why

don't you just sit him down and make
sure he knows all the pros and cons?

way, no matter what he decides, you're
in the clear.

Right. Maybe I'll bring him to my
support group meeting.

We'll come with you. Right, Warren?

What, the obesity group?

Is my kind welcome there? What,
Presbyterians? Absolutely.

Listen to me.

You violated the ordinance, and now you
owe the town $3 ,000. We're done

talking. No, we're not done.

No, Lewis.

Come on. Lewis.

We're done. It's over. I don't care.

We're done.

Okay. From now on, no matter what you
say, I'm going to respond with the

Clams Casino.

Clams Casino.

Clams Casino.

Clams Casino.

Son of a bitch hung up on me. What can I
do for you guys?

Hi, Mr. Campbell, I'm Ed Stevens. I'm
Lisa Barnes' attorney. This is Frankie

Hector, my associate. We were wondering
if we could talk to you about your

contract with Lisa Barnes.

Is she contesting the terms? Because if
she's contesting the terms, we can go

right to arbitration.

No, no, Lisa just wanted to make
absolutely sure that you're serious

Serious? No.

I drew up that brilliantly structured,
legally binding, 150 -page contract just

for giggles.

Because I'm a silly clown man.

Mr. Campbell, why are you doing this?
You don't need to do this. You're

successful, good -looking.

Please, more patronizing.

What we're saying is we're sure you
could find someone that actually wants

marry. My physical beauty intimidates
women.

They're afraid to approach me. Seems to
me if you really cared about Lisa, you

wouldn't be doing this. You can't force
her to love you. If it's meant to be,

it'll just be.

Then it'll be.

Because the legally binding contract we
both wrote and signed declares that it's

meant to be. Look, Mr. Campbell, we
really think you should be in this

If you could just listen to what we...
Clams Casino.

Thank you. Let's go.

Give my love to Lisa.

Hi, Nancy. Hi.

Oh, my Lord.

What? I was named after my great -uncle,
Michelangelo Hieronymus Anti

-Disestablishmentarianism Burton.

You and the biathlon and... Are you
mocking me, Dr. Burton? You started it

adding the Randolph. I didn't start
anything, you upright St. Bernard.

Mike! Dr. Jerome!

The patients can hear you.

You two have got to figure this out.

All due respect, Mrs. Burton, your
husband is a slack -jawed llama.

Stop calling me animals. I'll call you
whatever! Okay, stop!

I have a solution.

You need a conflict management
consultant.

Oh, what?

His name is Toby Gibbons, and he helps
executives settle their differences.

And he is the best in the business.

Ed, did you read my brief?

I did.

What? Why are we talking about work?
Because we're in the middle of a

day. We're right back.

Dad in the middle of work hours.

Yeah, well, I'm about to do some serious
work right here.

Dad? Yeah? Do you really think we can
handle this? Handle what?

This. This.

Working together. Sleeping together.

Plus the pressure of sneaking around
until nobody finds out about it.

I'm just really not totally
understanding why we're doing that. No,

can totally handle it, but... Well, if
it makes it easier to...

Stick to the rules.

Then I guess we can go right back to the
office.

Kind of too bad, though. I brought my A
-game today.

Wait. Last time, that wasn't your A
-game?

Heck no.

Screw it.

I'm so fat, I can sit on a corner.

And when I get up, it's two dimes and a
nickel.

I'm so fat, when I dance, it skips.

No, no, I'm so fat, when I get on an
elevator on the first floor and press

it says, hey, be real.

I'm so fat, Stephen Hawking is writing a
new book called A Brief History of My

Ass.

Mantor, hey, where's the rest of them?
On holiday in Rio.

This is Warren, this is Diane, and this
is my friend Jimmy I told you about.

Hey. Hey, guys, I'm so fat, when I sit
around the house... I sit around the

house. You know what I'm saying?

That's good.

So, Jimmy, we hear you're getting ready
to go under the knife.

Yeah, ready to go.

He looks about Nora's age, doesn't he?

Yeah, he does.

Who's Nora?

Tell him, Mary.

She got the surgery.

Didn't go so well.

Why? What happened? There were
complications.

What about her?

She died, Jimmy.

Just think it all through, okay?

Well, thanks.

Dude, can you fly coach now?

Since there's not a lot of precedent,
you're going to need to expand the

argument. I made some notes.

Yes, I see.

And that breach of contract stuff,
Frankie, I'm just not so sure there's a

place to use that.

You mean the stuff under the giant red
X? Yeah.

It's just too corporate.

Our argument needs to be much more
personal. Gotcha.

Less corporate, more personal.

Not a problem. I can make it more
personal.

Easy mistake to make.

Well, good thing you caught it now,
then.

Well, anyway, we can work on that
tomorrow. Come on, I promise you a night

the movies.

I don't think I can make it tonight.

Come on, we've got plans.

Yeah, I know. I just need to focus all
my attention on this right now. I don't

want to make any more easy mistakes.

Look, Frankie.

I'm a certified Class A workaholic. I'm
not going to be happy until this is

perfect. And you're happy, okay?

Okay.

Good morning, Michael.

Okay. Good morning, Walter.

Oh, I don't think you'll be calling me
Walter.

If you call him Dr.

Jerome, you're going to have to call me
Dr. Burton.

Gentlemen, let's get one thing straight.

This is my show, and I will call you
what I choose.

Once I worked with a couple of Fortune
500 senior vice presidents, whom I

addressed as bitch number one and bitch
number two.

Now, please, sit down.

Walter.

Michael. In the coming days, I will be
saying things to you that you do not

to hear.

I will be taking you places you do not
want to go.

But let's begin the journey peacefully
with a simple relaxation exercise.

Close your eyes, please.

Picture yourself at the most relaxing
place you've ever been.

A beach near a cozy fireplace.

For me, it's in the back of my parents'
old station wagon.

When I was little, whenever we'd go on
long car trips, my parents would make

a... Bed for me in the space behind the
back seat.

I called it the backpack.

The purr of the engine was my lullaby.

I would doze off there in the backpack
and wake up nine hours later

at our cabin near Lake Superior.

Dr. Jerome's not relaxing. His eyes are
open. His eyes are wide open. He's not

relaxing. Ha! The fact that he saw me
proves that his eyes were open. I didn't

see you looking. I sensed you looking. I
sensed him.

I sense a drooling baboon sitting next
to me.

Unusual case.

Yeah, I agree with you. It's a
ridiculous case.

I'm sticking with unusual.

I have your notes here, Mr. Stevens.

Thank you, Ms. Hector.

Mr. Walsh, Mr. Campbell, let's all do
ourselves a favor and put this thing

behind us today. Because all this
contract does is set the stage for a

complicated legal battle, and in the
end...

The result will be the same.

My client will not be forced to marry
against her will. This case is simply

worth pursuing for you. Au contraire. My
client thinks it is worth pursuing, and

that's all that matters. Now, are you
willing to talk compromises here, or

we see each other in arbitration?

Fine. What do you got? Well, my client
is willing to allow a minimum of one

child as opposed to the two stipulated
in the contract.

That's a compromise? Yeah, it's a
compromise.

We'll forget about little Barbara.

Who's little Barbara?

The daughter we're apparently never
going to have. You're already naming our

kids? Yeah, after your lovely grandma,
no less. That's particularly nice coming

from you. Okay, look.

We're not going to get anywhere here
today trying to negotiate children, all

right, or living situations, or who's
going to do what chores around the

My client does not want to marry Mr.
Campbell. And there's no court, there's

arbitrator that's going to make that.
But the penalty clause certainly will be

enforced. Well, Mr. Walsh, there's a
case in Arkansas in 1997 involving

burial plots. Now, in these shared...
I've got the file right here, Mr.

Thank you, Ms. Hector. Will you hang on
to that for a moment?

Yes, Mr. Stevens.

Everything all right?

Yes, Mr. Stevens.

Excuse us for a moment.

I need to speak with my associate.

Miss Hector, if you please.

What are you doing?

What do you mean? I'm doing my job, as
always.

Okay. Well, Frankie, I don't have a
photographic memory. I'm very sure

never curtsied to me before.

Oh, that. I just threw that in to make
it crystal clear that these are business

hours. I'm your employee. Nothing more,
nothing less.

Wait, you don't have to do that. Oh, I
know. It was a courtesy curtsy. I should

probably have been deeper, though. Let
me try again.

Frankie, what in tarnation? Will you
just... Look, I get it, all right? You

don't have to prove to me you're my
employee. And you don't have to prove to

you're my boss.

What? Come on, Ed. I've written dozens
of briefs for you. You've never

the way you did to that last one. I
think you triggered a national red ink

shortage. Frankie, I'm sorry, but that
brief was a week.

It wasn't that week. It's never that
week. And the day it's that week, I'll

in my gun and badge.

Look, I have a client in there. I don't
have time for this right now. Let's go

then.

So, when Gulliver is among the
Lilliputians, he is himself,

in effect, what?

Warren?

I wasn't raising my hand.

What are the Giants called in Gulliver's
Travels? To be honest with you, I've

only read Gulliver's Travels in the
original German text, where I believe

Giants are called... I can't really
recall the

English translation.

Holy crap, this is embarrassing.

You're a very lucky man, Mr. Cheswick.

Don't forget your papers are due on
Friday.

Oh, thank you.

And Literary Club has moved to
Wednesday. Mark?

Could you wait a minute?

Me? He's the one that didn't know
Brobdingnagian.

This will just take a second. Have a
seat.

Okay.

Principal Hudson sent this note. She
knows that you're involved with Jimmy

Ressler, and apparently his gastric
bypass surgery this morning didn't

go as planned.

What?

Is he okay?

Well, it seems there were some
complications.

Complications? What complications?

I don't know. That's all the information
I have. I'm sorry.

But he'll be okay, right?

Well, the doctors are with him right
now. I'm sure they're doing their best,

we'll know more soon.

Mark, you okay? I need to find out
exactly what happened.

I'm going to give Jimmy's parents a
call.

Fellas, I'd like you each to take a
cushion from the sofa and sit on the

facing each other. Sit on the floor? I'm
71 years old.

Walter.

What in the name of sweet screaming
Moses are you doing now?

Exactly what it looks like.

No one's leaving this room until each of
you give each other three compliments.

Now, who's first?

I'll start.

Dr. Jerome, your head resembles a very
large egg.

Michael. What? That's good, right? Eggs
are the perfect food. Three actual,

honest, sincere compliments.

Hey, I'm happy to wait all day.

I brought reading material.

The man's reading a comic book.

This is a graphic novel.

Fine.

Dr. Jerome, you have an encyclopedic
knowledge of medicine.

Very good, Michael.

Walter?

Dr. Burton, you have a pleasant bedside
manner.

Great.

Call him Walter.

Walter,

you're a very good family man.

Michael, you're a loving father.

I've always liked your cologne.

You have a fine physique.

Yes!

Now we're cooking with gas.

I'm so proud of you.

Hey,

reticor, catch.

Your car's ready, sir.

You bought me a car? We leased it for
two hours, so you got about an hour and

minutes of driving pleasure. So get on
in there, my brother.

What's the matter?

Jimmy Ressler, something happened during
his surgery.

What? There was some stomach leakage.

Oh, my God. Is he okay?

He's nowhere near okay.

Thanks to me, he's going to be in and
out of the hospital for at least a year,

if he's lucky.

What do you mean, thank you?

Well, if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't
have gotten the operation.

Oh, yeah, but that's ridiculous.

Yeah, Mark, don't do this to yourself.

Don't do what to myself? If it wasn't
for me, Jimmy Ressler would be here in

school right now.

Does anyone want to dispute that fact?

I'm sure his doctors told him what the
risks were. And you even went out of

way to explain the risks to him
yourself.

Yeah, and you took him to that meeting.

Yeah, and I could have sat him down for
a six -month seminar and showed him

everything that could go wrong with
colored slides and an overhead

But what makes a bigger impression?

All of that or watching the fat guy get
thin?

You aren't thinking clearly about this.
No, Diane, I am thinking clearly. Don't

you see?

I am the poster boy for gastric bypass
surgery.

No matter what I say about the risks or
how many times I say it, any obese

person who knows me is going to take one
look at me and shout, give me what he

got, just like Jimmy Ressler did.

Thanks for the car, but I'm just not in
the mood to celebrate.

Hey, look how long this french fry is.
What's the big deal? Can you imagine the

potato it came from? It must have been
one lengthy potato.

That's what I love about you, honey.
You're always thinking.

That's my blessing and my curse.

Can I get anybody anything from the bar?
No, thank you. No, thanks.

Good.

Look at her head.

She's perfect.

Perfect.

Not too short, not too tall. Cute hair.

She's got a visage that says, Hi, I'm a
sweet little pixie. One moment and then,

Hello, I'm a hot...

Little Pixie, the next.

I wonder if when she's at home, she
makes out with her pillow and pretends

Ed. Oh, no, no, no. Or if she writes
Mrs. Frankie Stevens over and over

Come on, Ed. You guys are so cute
together. Why are you going to make your

Yeah, act now while supplies last.

So Frankie and I slept together.

Nice.

Stop being such a buffoon.

Somebody had to do something.

Look, we move on.

Hey, Frankie.

So, Frankie, how's the case going?

Great. Fine.

Yeah, speaking of work, I should
probably head back to the office.

Oh, come on. Come on, come on, it's only
9 o 'clock, Ed.

Be a nice boss man and tell this woman
to kick up her heel.

Yeah, look, Frankie, you don't have
to... No, I really, I want to look

everything over. We can't have any
mistakes now, can we?

Hey, Frankie.

Yeah. Hi, Bob.

Great.

You got anything for tomorrow?

I don't know.

Cognizance? Cognizance.

Yeah, cognizance. Like she didn't really
know what she was getting into.

Yeah.

That's good. Thank you.

Welcome.

How long do you think this is going to
go on for?

What? This.

Detention and hostility. I'm just
curious.

How long would you like it to go on for,
Ed?

Forever. Perfect work environment. Very
productive.

Why don't we just pretend like nothing
ever happened between us?

Good. Done.

Perfect.

Mr. Curry, that's a handsome set of
lungs you got there.

Dr. Burton. Tell me I'm with a patient.
Dr. Jerome, come quick.

I'll be right back, Mr. Curry.

I found him like this. Come on, Toby.
This is stupid.

What are you talking about? Look, I
didn't swing out of a tree yesterday,

right? I know this is one of your little
exercises. Dr. Burton, this isn't an

exercise, I swear.

Dr. Jerome is really dead.

Right -o.

Let me guess. You want to know what my
feelings are now that the old egg

coot is gone? I don't think you
understand. Here are my feelings, Toby.

Yaha!

Free at last! Thank God Almighty!

Free at last!

Wazoobie! Mike!

This is no joke!

He's dead.

Oh, my God.

I'm not dead, you newt. This is
ridiculous.

Turns out you did swing out of a tree
yesterday.

You don't fake a man's death, Toby. It's
crossing the line. Crossing lines is

exactly what we're here to do.

So how's my taking your mind off your
troubles dinner going so far?

Good.

Thank you for doing that.

Really?

Because I think it's sucking.

I do.

I think you're moping.

I think you're feeling sorry for
yourself about something that isn't your

And it's going to stop right now.

Okay, is this you going into tough love
mode? Because if it is, let's just save

ourselves the trouble.

It isn't your fault. Your operation went
well.

I think you're missing the point. Am I?

It's luck, Mark.

Look, it's nothing you can control.

It's funny.

They talk to you all about these
statistics, but in the end, you're the

statistic that really matters.

Okay? In my world, gastric bypass
surgery goes smoothly 100 % of the time.

complications, no problem.

So why do I have all the luck and he
doesn't get any? Mark.

Four months ago, you weighed 475 pounds.

You couldn't walk from homeroom to
English without breaking a sweat.

Your doctors told you you were on the
fast track to all kinds of medical

problems, including dying.

Dying, Mark.

Very young.

You really think you got a lot of luck.

More than Jimmy Russell.

Look, everybody's dealt a hand.

Tiger Woods looked at his cards and he
said, Cool.

I can hit a golf ball 400 yards.

Somebody else said, darn, I'm only ever
going to be 4 '11". And someone else

said, I can't believe I'm going to get
hit by a bus on my 21st birthday.

Luck.

Luck. Luck.

Hey,

all you can do is just keep going.

Well, in my 20 years of arbitration, I
can safely say I've never seen a case

quite like this. And I'm sure there's a
very good reason for that. Exactly.

Mr. Walsh, let's start with you.

Okay, simple. This is a contract. It was
not only signed by them, it was also

written by them. Two consenting, fully
informed adults.

My client wants it enforced.

You don't want to marry him. I really
don't. But you want her to marry you,

though she doesn't want him.

Yes. How come?

You may not be able to see this at first
glance, but...

I happen to be very lovable.

And if she would live up to her end of
the bargain, she'd have loved me.

And we'd end up telling this whole silly
tale to our grandkids over pasta

primavera at the Olive Garden.

Was that you being lovable?

Yes, it was.

But she won't marry you.

So you want to enforce the penalty
clause.

$100 ,000.

Mr. Stevens.

Lisa, why did you enter into this
contract?

Because I was out of my blooming gourd.

And because you found me lovable.

Keyword, found.

That'll come back, baby. Trust me. May
I?

Continue, Mr. Stevens.

Thank you.

Lisa entered into this contract for the
exact same reason that Brad did. They

wanted to take all the risk out of love
and relationships. They wanted to

guarantee with a 150 -page legal
document that things would all work out.

it doesn't work that way.

When it comes to affairs of the heart,
rules don't work.

What about a prenuptial agreement?

Sure, to divide things on the way out,
not on the way in.

So did you guys ever see Reality Bites?

Me neither.

But I've worn out a few dozen copies of
the soundtrack.

And there's a song on there that reminds
me of you two.

May I?

You say he only hears what he wants to.

You say he talks so all the time.

So.

Walter thought that Mike was simple.

Mike thought that he didn't belong.

And then when you faked your death, you
know you had done something wrong

because I missed you.

Yeah, he missed you.

So I turn the radio on, I turn the radio
up, and Toby Gibbons was singing my

song. Walter's in love and Mikey's run
away.

Walter was crying because Mikey won't
stay. That's enough. I'm done.

Oh, come on, Walter, sing a little bit.
It's good for you.

He's right, Walter. You really ought to,
because it'll feel so good and air it

out. No, I've had all I can take, you
washed -out, dope -faced ignoramus. I

don't care what happens to this practice
as long as I don't ever have to speak

to you again, you pasty, beady -eyed,
marshmallow -brained... I'm an animal.

You're a possum!

I'm not an opossum. Get out!

Well, this is my decision.

Obviously, Miss Barnes can't be forced
to marry someone. That's simply not done

in this country. Which leaves us with a
fairly cut -and -dried breach of

contract case.

Because of the precision with which this
agreement was crafted, I do believe

that Mr. Campbell is due compensation.

However,

$100 ,000 seems excessive to me.

Therefore, I'm ruling that Miss Barnes
pay Mr. Campbell...

The amount of $500.

Just enough to cover a few dates with a
prospective new bride.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thanks. You're welcome.

This will be the best money I've ever
spent.

Want to grab a cup of coffee?

I really don't.

What's out here now?

Well, Mrs. Burton, how nice to... Down,
both of you.

Toby Givens might be afraid of you boys,
but I am not. And I am here to give you

my solemn promise that if you two don't
start getting along right now, I will

murder you both in cold blood. Michael,
I will strangle you in your sleep. Dr.

Jerome, I will break into your house in
the cover of night and I will beat you

senseless with my bare fist.

Do you understand the words I'm saying?

You two are equal partners. Get it?
Equal. That means you compromise on

everything.

Starting... with this sign.

Do you like it? I hope so.

Because the alternative is death.

Now, go back to work.

Both of you.

Go! Always a pleasure, Mrs. Burtman.

Hi, honey.

Mike?

I made you let us make the finish
bigger.

Shh.

Get back to work.

Everyone gone?

Yeah.

Well, I'm going to take off, too.

Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Okay.

Yeah. You were right today.

About what?

What you said about rules.

They don't work when it comes to affairs
of the heart, as they say.

Look, Frankie, I'm sorry about the way I
behaved. No, no, I'm the one who's

sorry. I'm sorry. I was acting like a...
I

guess it's just too hard sharing an
office.

Huh.

I guess so.

So, you think we'll be back to normal
tomorrow or still awkward?

I say we start off awkward and shoot for
normal by lunchtime.

Sounds like a plan.

Okay.

Okay.

You know, I just think that tomorrow's
going to be actually really, really

awkward. Why is that?