All language subtitles for Ed s03e06 may the best man win

Previously on... Still looking for
office space, you?

Some guy tripped on Mr. Krasunik's walk
and he's suing him for... You know, he

wants to hire his girlfriend to be the
lawyer.

What am I going to do about this? You're
going to do nothing, Ed, because

clearly this poor girl is mentally
unstable.

Why did you walk up to a complete
stranger and give said stranger on the

It was on my to -do list.

Every night before I go to bed, I come
up with a few things to do. Crazy

random things. Things I know won't be
easy. Things that test my inhibitions.

Oh. Boy.

I'm telling you, Mike, this girl is, I
don't know what, she's crazy amazing.

She's got this whole philosophy. She's
this big, screaming bundle of life.

Here's the question. Who would you
rather sleep with, Charles Durning or

Dennehy? Dennehy!

Exactly, me too!

Oh, the answer is Charles Durning. Are
you certain Dennehy and Durning, they're

both the same guy? Are you kidding me?
Charles Durning would be much more

considerate, much more giving.

Dennehy would just take you.

So are we ready for tomorrow night?
Affirmative. What are we wearing? All

What's tomorrow night? Nothing!

Girl, stop.

Wait, stop.

Wait, stop.

I'm breaking into Carol's house to steal
photos for some video collage you're

going to make us watch Saturday night at
the little engagement dinner.

You told him?

Pillow talk, Molly. Pillow talk. Hey,
guys.

Hey, Dennis.

You're just the man that I want to see.
I got a question for you. Yeah, what is

it? Who's going to be your best man?

I haven't decided yet. Two requirements.
One, cute. Two, single. And cute,

negotiable.

Well, I just haven't decided which
friend it's going to be yet.

Normally, you'd ask your best one.

Is that how it works, Ed? Well, not
necessarily. For example, I chose Ed.

look, come on, get off the stick,
Dennis. Best man's got to get busy.

Busy playing the big old raucous
bachelor party. You know, Ed, I'm really

the big raucous bachelor party kind of
guy. Come on, Dennis, what are you

talking about?

Don't you want to maximize the last
night of freedom you're going to have

the rest of your life?

Uh, no.

No, I'm good.

Okay, okay, double jeopardy here. Who
would you rather sleep with?

Meredith Vieira, Joy Behar, Star Jones,
Berman Walters, or Lisa Lane?

Joy Behar.

Got my reason.

I'm in the sky tonight.

I'll be coming.

Still working on that thing?

Almost got it.

It's a seating chart for a wedding. It's
not the formula for cold fusion.

Honey, this seating chart is the
difference between a beautiful, fun

memorable wedding reception and an all
-out pure six brawl.

I almost got it. I'm just going to
figure out where our closest friends and

family go.

Put my family near the booze. They'll be
fine.

Okay. I have to have Nancy near Mike.

Ed.

Carol.

Yeah. I don't want Ed at the wedding.

What? I don't want Ed at the wedding.

The guy doesn't like me. I don't like
him.

I don't see why I should have to have
that at my wedding.

Honey, Ed is one of my best friends. I
can't not invite him to my wedding.

Oh.

Okay. I understand.

What are you doing?

Who is...

Cillian Siegel?

Well, if you get to invite your old
boyfriends, I get to invite my old

girlfriend. Oh. Oh, Gloria Joyner.

Dennis, this is completely different,
and you know it. Ed is a friend. He is

an ex -boyfriend. Right, he's worse.

Worse? Yeah, if you'd actually gone out
with a guy, he'd be out of your system

by now. No idea what you're talking
about. All right, well, let me see if I

clear it up for you.

Either you can have Ed at the wedding,
or you can have me at the wedding.

Phil, what are you doing here? Hey, I'm
just opening up.

Why?

I'm always scheduled to open up since
I've been employed by this

Yeah, but you're always an hour late.

What do you call it, your morning me
time?

Followed shortly thereafter by your mid
-morning me time? Hey, that was the wild

Philly, but he has been broken and
saddled by two cowboys that run by the

of Ed and Eli.

Is that so?

Yeah, I used to watch you walking around
here, you know, a little worker ant,

and I thought to myself, hmm, he must be
Amish.

Is that so?

Yep. Then we brought on Eli, and I
watched him, and I thought, wow, one

-working guy, that is just ridiculous.

Two hard -working guys, now that is just
plain inspirational.

So, here I am, sleeves rolled up, ready
to toil in the sun.

I think that's good. Yeah, by the by,
someone's been waiting in your office

you for a while.

Why didn't you tell me that when I came
in? Hey, it's my first day.

Hello, can I help you?

Jennifer.

Hi.

Hi.

How have you been?

Uh, good, good.

Uh, how have you been? See, last time I
heard from you was, uh, when,

when was it? Oh, I remember when you
left that note on my pillow.

I was going through a really unusual
phase when we met.

Wait, wait, don't tell me.

You stopped doing the to -do list?

Yes. You stopped doing the to -do list.
Oh, wow, that's too bad. You know, it's

kind of funny. I kind of enjoyed having
my life reduced to an item on the list.

Where was I on that list? Let's see.
Somewhere between skydiving naked and

kissing a total stranger, right? No,
wait, wait. I was the total stranger,

wasn't I?

Look, I'm sorry I just took off that
morning.

I got afraid.

Afraid of what? Breakfast?

I'm in trouble.

And I need a good lawyer.

This town's got plenty of good lawyers.

I'll give you the name of a guy and you
can give him a call.

Okay.

What kind of trouble?

I'm being evicted from my apartment and
I have nowhere to go.

I could really use your help, but...

Okay.

Three rules, okay?

First rule, you're the client.

Second rule, I'm the lawyer. And third
rule, that's as far as it's ever going

go.

Agreed.

Thank you.

Tell me what happened.

What do you mean you don't see it?

I'm sorry, I don't see it.

I miss you, dude. You just don't want to
see it.

Okay, I see it, but I don't understand
it. Why can't the two of you get along?

Because Ed and I are natural enemies.

Natural enemies? I don't even know what
that means. It means that I am marrying

his dream girl. Oh, God, that is so not
true.

Yes, it is.

If you think Ed and I are going to be
buddies, you're nuts. It's never going

happen. Please cry for my sake. I have
tried. Ed doesn't want to be my friend.

put up with his crap all the time.

I can't believe I've got to put up with
it on my wedding day.

Okay.

Okay what?

You're right.

You and Ed don't get along, and you
shouldn't have to have somebody at your

wedding that you don't get along with.

What does that mean?

That means I will tell Ed it would be
best if he doesn't come.

Really? Yeah.

Great.

What's the exact address?

128 Range Road.

It's a beautiful apartment. It's
perfect.

I've got my bedroom, my darkroom.
Darkroom.

Yeah, I'm a children's photographer now.

You know, little girls in summer dresses
and big poofy hats and boys in knickers

and suspenders.

And this is your livelihood?

Right. And your landlord has no actual
cause to evict you? I mean, you're not

violating your lease in any way?

No, it's like I told you. My apartment
is rent -controlled. They can charge

quadruple rent if they get me out of
there.

Has he ever asked you to leave?

He's asked me how long I intend on
staying.

And I told him indefinitely, and that's
when this all started.

Why don't you tell me what happened
then?

Remember back in August when it was like
100 degrees for a week?

Yeah. They cut the air conditioning in
my apartment, and they actually turned

the heat.

You sure it was done on purpose?

Oh, yeah. Because when I complained to
the super, he was like, oh, I'll get

right on that. Or you could just move
out.

Has the super done anything else? He
parked a dumpster in my parking space

month. He refuses to fix my
refrigerator.

He changed all the locks on the storage
bin, and he will not give me a copy of

the key.

Here's a list I made with everything
else.

Let's start by having a little chat with
your super.

Do you think it matters which side the
magnetic strip is on?

You're the key?

Why'd you make us dress up like cat
burglars? I don't know. Something to do.

Shh.

Jackpot.

Jax.

Have you ever... Seeing a prettier
child.

All she needs is wings and a halo.

Hey, Nance, did you ever know Carol as
Heidi?

Oh, God.

Carol as prom queen. Carol as
cheerleader.

Okay, piles of Carol and Dennis. We're
golden.

Oh, look at this.

Wow, check out the sexy go -go boots.
When was that?

A few weeks ago.

You know, when Carol and I have a really
stressful week at work, we like to go

dancing. Yeah, it's like that's going to
happen again.

Excuse me? I used to love girls' night
out.

Get married and all that ends.

You think, I'm totally going to do this
stuff with my girlfriends that I've

always done, but you never do.

What do you mean?

Well, you start off as two normal
individuals, you get married, and then

glom together into this one big organism
thing.

Yeah, well, Carol's not going to glom.

Honey, it happens the best of us.

Principal Martino caught between the
sheets.

What do you think?

Is that too risque for the video?

No, it's good.

You see, Phil, the light comes from
inside the table, not from up here.

Well, what's in here in this thing?

A mirror which reflects the image of the
score onto the screen above.

Huh.

Phil, you mean to tell me you've never
changed the light bulb in a scoring

before? Well, Bosco, you know my motto.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

It's broke, Phil.

Well, that is true.

Good luck with the light bulb.

Absolutely fascinating.

You know what? I think I like the old
Phil better.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, I thought we were all meeting at
this one and go. We are. I just wanted

come by to talk to you about a couple of
things.

Sure, what's up?

I'm getting married to Dennis Martino.

Really? I had no idea. Congratulations.

He's marrying me. We're marrying each
other.

It's not just me taking this big step.
It's us.

Right.

I've completely forgotten what it is I
came over here to ask you. Isn't that

weird? My brain is just as blank as a
fried oyster.

Is that an actual expression?

Well, yeah.

Oysters are very blank in the brain
department, especially when they're

So blank as a fried oyster. Yeah, I
think that sums it up.

I suppose so.

So is this odd and vaguely disturbing
interaction almost over?

Come on, everyone's up to go.

Boy.

Boy.

Boy.

Peeper.

Peeper.

Why is this a peeper? Life, though.

Hey.

Kenneth. Kenneth.

Where's Carol?

She had to tell Ed something, so I don't
think she'll be... Hey, hey, hey.

Come here.

That was Dwayne.

Oh, pardon me for not getting your 25
-year -old sitcom reference.

Carol, can I talk to you for a second?

Ed seems happy.

I didn't even think he'd want to join
us, especially considering that you just

told him he couldn't come to the
wedding. Well, I was going to tell him

Dennis, I had every intention of telling
him that, and I thought about it, and

it's ridiculous.

Oh, yeah, it is pretty damn ridiculous.

Dennis, I can't do that.

He's one of my best friends. I can't
just disinvite him to the wedding. Sure

can. You just won't.

If I tell Ed not to come to the wedding,
may as well tell Nancy and Molly not to

be my bridesmaids. Is Ed that important?
Yes, he is. Oh, yeah, you know, you're

right. You're right, he is important.
He's really important.

In fact, you know what? I don't think
that Ed just being at the wedding is

enough. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to make Ed my best man.

What? Yeah, it's perfect. That way he
can be right there with us when we say

vows. Hey, Ed.

Dennis. Hey, Ed.

How do you look in a tux?

How do I... Great.

Excellent. Actually, why?

I want you to be my best man.

You want me... Did you?

Yes.

That's some endless material there, Dan.

Gotta stop.

Well, it's perfect. Come on, you're
Carol's best friend.

You'll practically be a bridesmaid.
That's not funny. I know, it's not meant

be. I'm dead serious. Come on, you have
a tuck.

You can sign a marriage license.

You're not getting married that day, are
you?

We all know how much you want to be
there.

And apparently I have no friends, so
what do you say?

Because he doesn't want to be my best
man.

Actually, I'd be honored.

What?

I'd be honored to be your best man,
Dennis.

So you're really going to do it?

I said yes, didn't I?

Ed, you're a lawyer. Does something said
in a rage and smiling goat really

constitute a binding legal contract?

Listen, Mike, he sarcastically asked me
to be his best man. I'm going to be the

best sarcastic best man ever. Can you
just punch him out and call it a day?

I'm going to go for the slow torture.

Does that mean you're going to throw him
a sarcastic bachelor party? I think I

just might have to. You're going to be
sarcastic strippers then? Absolutely.

Nancy, mind if I get a sarcastic lap
dance? I tell you, Mike, Dennis Martino

going to rue the day he ever asked
Edward J. Stevens to be his best man.

Ever actually rue the day?

Well... It's a rhetorical question, Ed.
Thank you.

Jennifer Bradley showed up in my office.
Oh, the hottie of the to -do list?

That's the one. Hot.

I think, Mike, hotties are, by
definition, hot. God bless him. God

little kooky, though.

Spent a night with her almost a year ago
and woke up to a note on a pillow.

Could have been worse. She could have
injected you with the serum. It would

turned you into a gorgon.

Yeah, that's true. I don't know if I'm
going to pursue it, though, Mike.

She's a little unpredictable.

In this society, hotties are granted a
little more leeway than others.

It's unfair, but true.

Yeah.

So is that really going to be Dennis'
best man? Oh, that is just some macho

game. I don't know what that's about.

And I'm telling you, if either of them
screws up this wedding, I'll kill them.

What about you? Are you having any, you
know, pre -wedding jitters?

No, we're both pretty calm.

Oh, being there is playing at the
revival house this week. We have to

after school.

Oh, we were just talking about how much
we want to see that. We could meet you

there this afternoon.

You and Dennis?

Yeah. We love Peter Sellers.

I'm back in one minute.

See? What? We. Every sentence. We are
calm. We are talking about going to the

movies. We love Peter Sellers.

The glomming, it has begun.

Ed? Ha, Dennis. What can I do for you?
Well, I'm going to need a list of your

ten closest friends.

What for?

Best man duties.

What kind of best man duties?

Can you give me a list of your ten
closest friends? Is this for a bachelor

yet? Maybe. I already told you I don't
want one. All right, then all I'm asking

for is a list of your ten closest
friends. Look, Denny, ask me your best

That's what I'm doing. If you didn't
want me to be your best man, you

have asked me. Ten friends?

That's right.

Why don't we make it 15?

How about 20? Can you scrape together 20
friends? Sure, the more the merrier.

Okay, that works.

Hey. Hey, what's up?

Where's your...

You can't go, can you?

No, I'm...

I'm so sorry, Mom. It's so crazy right
now.

I know.

Hey, don't worry about it.

Thank you.

And good luck with the Tetrazzini.

See ya.

All right, gang.

Listen up. We're going to be closing
this bowling alley Friday night.

I think I know why. Is it Christmas
again? No, Shirley, it's not Christmas.

it is a special occasion, which brings
me to my next point. Phil, I want you to

plan the wildest bachelor party ever.

Is this some sort of test?

Look, I am out of a lifestyle, okay? I'm
clean. I'm just a bowling alley

employee now.

Phil, it's not a test. I need a bachelor
party. I need you to plan it.

Bachelor party?

Yep.

Strippers? Of course. And adult features
on the overhead scoreboards?

Why not?

Naked strippers?

Phil, the works. Look, I want you to
scrape the bottom of your imagination,

then I want you to make it happen right
here. Phil, I want things here that

would make any reasonably minded man
run, not walk, Phil, but run.

on his reasonably minded legs right on
out of this bowling alley.

Phil?

Don't toy with me, Edward. There's only
so much a man can take.

I'm serious.

I'm sorry. It's just... I've only been a
good bowling alley employee for two

days now, and... the karmic reward is
just so much.

I love you all.

Where are you going?

To rent Caligula.

I'm back!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Miss Bradley. How are we today?

Ask my attorney.

Say something.

Hey, Steve.

Ooh,

she got a lawyer.

Yeah, she had a lawyer. Listen, Mr.
Engstrom, you and I both know you're

illegal tactics to try and force my
client out of her apartment and raise

rent. And exactly how am I trying to
force your client out?

How about cutting her phone off? Sounds
like a problem with the phone company to

me.

Why don't you try paying your bills,
honey?

How about turning her heat off?

I'll get right on that.

How about blaring music all throughout
the night?

Is there anything worse than loud
neighbors? Neighbors? What neighbors? I

no neighbors. You run them all out of
town.

Can you blame them for leaving?

If the place is as bad as you say it is,
I'd shoot out of there like a damn

greyhound.

Where's your manager?

Out. Out where?

Outside.

How should I know? He's the boss.

Well, it doesn't have to be difficult.
It doesn't have to be a big deal. Are

going to fix it or not?

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, I'll fix it.

Here we go.

What's that?

Number of a moving company.

Let's go. You'll be hearing from me.

Yeah, call me when the walls start to
bleed.

How can I explain this? I am interested
in having animals of different

species, how do I put this, to battle.
Animals that would normally coexist

peacefully.

Okay. For example.

Sharks and bears.

Now, will they scrap?

You know, really?

Go at it?

I don't know. Let's go hammerheads and
grizzlies. What would that look like?

Wait a minute here.

How old is the child having the birthday
party?

It's a bachelor party for a high school
principal.

Yeah, you see, I pretty much handle
children's birthday parties. I bring

that they can pet, maybe ride.

Yeah, that's great. Here's what I'm
picturing now.

A giraffe versus a wild pony.

I'm not sure I got what you're looking
for. The stuff we do is a little more

legal. Yeah, I hear you. What about a
woodchuck against a monkey with a lasso?

Okay,

here's a couple of ideas, so just let me
know what you think.

Shoot. Okay, first, I thought it might
be nice to start out with something kind

of funny, like do this whole Dennis
Miller kind of a thing.

Okay. Don't laugh.

I mean, you can laugh, but...

All right, it'd be like... A new study
released

today by the National Institute of
Health has linked vanilla ice cream

consumption with the graying of one's
hair.

The test subject?

I haven't seen that much gray hair since
the last season of Matlock. Bet.

Okay,

I just have one note so far.

Oh, sure, what?

Please stop doing Dennis Miller. Okay,
fine, fine, sorry.

All right, so I'll try another one?
Okay.

Okay.

Here's Dennis winning an award.

Here's Dennis winning another award.

And here's Carol with a box on her head.

Molly, come on. You've got to give me
something here.

I'm sorry.

Sorry. I need some captions for these.

Here's Carol and Dennis becoming a we.

Okay, I need something a little less
bitter sounding.

Hello, my name is Shirley Pivko, and I
am here to make sure that your evening

safe, fun -filled, and rewarding.

You are professional exotic dancers, and
I trust that you will conduct

yourselves as such.

Now. How many of you are skilled in the
sweet science of foxy boxing?

Please remember to protect yourselves at
all times, no rabbit punches, and the

three knockdown rule is in effect.

Anyone allergic to Jell -O or any other
gelatin -based product?

Very good.

Now, how many of you are planning on,
quote, working the pole at some point?

Only one dancer on the pole at a time,
please. But Cricket and I have this

number worked out. Save it for two for
Tuesday.

Is he resisting you, Bosco? No. Then
just say the word. I will taser the son

a bitch.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the
man of the night, Mr.

Dennis Martino.

Martino!

Ball and chain. Do you like the old ball
and chain?

Yeah, yeah, I did get it.

Come on, Denny.

What's the matter?

We got to get it on. We got to rock and
roll tonight, right, bud?

You don't want to disappoint your best
man, do you?

No, no, I wouldn't think of it. No.

Woo!

Make way for the Bachelors!

They're covered up with flowers In the
back of the black limousine

Though we may run another trial Break
our hearts and

we say goodbye Cross our hearts and we
hope to die

Yet the other was to blame They're gonna
teach you how to

meditate

Read your horoscope and cheat your fate.

And furthermore to hell with hate.

Come on, get on board.

Hey, look around and tell me what you
see.

What's happening?

It's getting hot in here, so take off
all your clothes.

Are you sure they're still in there? I
think everybody's gone home.

I'm positive. Look, Ed's car's still
here.

Dennis' is still at the school.

You know what the funniest part about
this is?

I mean, you'd think a bride would be
spying on her fiancé's bachelor party,

trying to save his with a woman. And I'm
spying to see what he's doing with my

best guy friend.

Doesn't sound so good.

No.

What in the world are they doing in
there? I hope they haven't killed each

other.

What's in this bag?

Oh, um, I brought you those.

My sweet boots?

Yeah, I've had them since, like, the
last time we went dancing.

Yeah? So?

So, I came across them in my closet.

And you decided to return them to me at
this random moment. Why?

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I
probably won't be needing them anymore.

What are you talking about?

Look.

Let's face it, Carol, I mean, now that
you're going to be Mrs.

Dennis Martino, Girls Night Out is like
more or less a thing of the past.

Is that what this is about?

You freak.

Maybe.

November 13th.

I'm going to need a little more
information.

Friday. December 13th, at which point I
will be a married woman. You and I are

going dancing, so mark it down.

I'm going to hold you to that.

My word is my bond.

Should we hug?

Oh, yes, probably so.

Okay, okay.

Nothing sadder than a man reduced to
sleeping in the gutter.

Gutter. Nice.

Thanks.

You know something, Dennis? What's that?

Tonight was good. I had fun.

Yeah, me too.

Right, which is odd because you weren't
supposed to have any fun. You were

supposed to hate this. Yeah, I know.

But somewhere along the way, pretending
to have fun turned into actual fun.

Guess you blew it.

Yeah, so? Oh, well.

Oh, my God, did they just toast?

They did.

That didn't look like a sarcastic toast.

No, it didn't. That was like a just -to
-you -buddy kind of toast.

Yeah, it was.

I don't get it. Are they bonding?

I think they are.

I've entered a parallel universe in
which Ed and Dennis...

Our bonding.

They're naked, right? They're not.
They're naked. They weren't from the

They're from Amazon .com. Ed, why don't
you just tell me what actually happened

at the bachelor party? Amazon .com.

And then three little elephants wearing
sexy lingerie walked in.

Victoria's Secret tap pants with little
frillies. And then Dennis is right in

the middle of it. He's loving it. He's
rolling around.

You just missed Ed not telling me what
happened at the bachelor party. You're

doing a damn good job of it. Thank you.

Really? Well, I'm sorry I'm late.

Hi. Hi.

Looks like I missed a few real balls,
huh?

Oh, I got to call Molly and find out
what time she wants us tonight.

You boys have fun?

That was quite a little hello kiss
there, Dennis.

Well, you know, Ed, that's what people
do when they're getting married.

Right.

I'd like a fruit tart.

Waitress, fruit tart, please.

Sorry, I'm late.

Everything okay?

Yeah, they cut off the water in the
middle of my shampoo. I had to join a

just so I could rinse my hair.

Oh, I should have talked to the
billionaire.

Oh, come on.

I promised you a thank you lunch. Let's
eat.

Okay. Okay?

Let's see what's good here.

How about the appetizer sampler special?

Five delicious, tasty treats, each with
their own individual dipping sauce.

Sure. That's five dipping sauces, eh?

Honey mustard, blue cheese, ranch,
marinara, and let's not forget the

of the board himself, Mr.

Homestyle Gravy.

Bring him on.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Come on, I'm supposed to be the
miserable one.

I'm fine.

It's nothing.

These pipes sure are noisy. If I were
you, I'd move out.

What happened to the new fill?

He was TKO'd by Cricket and Darla last
night. Forget him. He's dead to you. I'm

glad. I hated him. I found his work
ethic tiresome and vaguely threatening.

Is Ed here?

He went to see your landlord. He had
plans to, quote, tear him a new one,

unquote.

Oh.

Oh, my.

Was that Candy?

Jennifer.

Jennifer. None of these dancers come up
with these names.

I'd like to speak with your manager
right now. I'm the manager.

Well, I'm Ed Stevens, Jennifer Bradley's
lawyer, and you, my friend, are in a

whole heap of trouble.

For what?

Oh, cute. Is that what you're going to
do? Pretend like you don't know what's

going on? How about cutting off her
heat? How about cutting off her phone?

about her not being able to rinse her
head?

But I don't know what... Mr. Linhart.
I've had enough from you. I got it. What

the hell is this all about? I'll tell
you what it's about.

Excuse me. There's been a terrible
misunderstanding.

If any gentleman excuses me, I'll just
straighten this out. Wait.

I'll be back.

Hey,

Jennifer, what are you... I was just
about to... Hey, I'm a new one right

Right, yes.

I made it up. What? I mean, what up?

The case.

What? There's nothing wrong with my
apartment. They're not trying to force

out. Sure they are. The super's in there
acting like a... The super's in on this

with me. I paid him 50 bucks.

What? What?

What is with you, Jennifer?

I just wanted to see you again. See me
again?

Yeah. Well, then why wouldn't you just
ask me out like a normal human being?

Because you wouldn't have said yes.

I don't believe this.

Would you have?

No. Well, aren't you glad she did?

You're crazy.

You're crazy.

Come on, Ed. We're going to be late.

I'm almost ready.

What are you doing there?

Just jotting down a few last -minute
thoughts from my little after -dinner

speech honoring one Dennis Martino.

What? I'm going to crack him, Mike.

Don't do that, Ed.

Why not?

Catch that act he was running in the pie
shop today? What the hell was that?

I mean, we actually had a decent time
together at the bachelor party, and then

what? Today he turns right back into
Señor Bastard? No. No, no, my friend.

I'm going to crush him.

Question. What was the one...

A crucial difference between the
bachelor party and the pie shop.

I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with
Carol.

Carol it. Carol's the difference.

Carol doesn't rhyme with Carol.

Carol is Carol.

That's true.

Look, Carol was at the bachelor party,
so you guys got along for ten minutes.

Carol was at the pie shop.

Now you're back to square one.

Right. Why is that?

Because you hate that Carol's marrying
him.

And because he hates that Carol should
be marrying you.

Ed, you and Dennis Martino will never,
ever, ever be friends.

Thanks for that.

And here Mr. Martino teaches his
students the finer points of geometry by

them clean his house and lawn.

And Carol and her friends won't soon
forget this bout of measles.

Oh.

That's a goodie. That's a good one.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's nice.

You guys get all these pictures.

I'm magical.

Yeah. I'm a magical elf.

I'd,

uh... I'd like to make a toast.

To Carol and Dennis.

I wish you the best of everything in
your new life together.

Thank you.

Proud of you.

Mike, you were right. Dennis and I are
never going to be friends. I figured I

might as well end it with a little
class.

You did.

Hey, buddy.

Hi, brother.

Thanks.

I had a deep, horrible fear.

Of what?

I was worried I was going to lose you.

I just couldn't stop thinking, what
happens when your best friend and your

husband can't find a way to be friends?

But my worries are over.

Come to a day where you wish the clocks
went backwards.

Cover of night, you're asking the stars
to stay.

Begging satellites to help you do it.

How to picture the world room forever.

If you break down, I'm at your

shoulder.

Take me at my word.

You can break down.

I will tell you over and over.

A reliable...

If you break down. Hey, Jennifer.

Ted.

I'm good.

I'm good. How are you?

Take my word.

I'm coming around.

Back by popular demand.

It's the return of Super Size Friends.

Surprise! An all -new episode with
almost 20 extra minutes. Whoa.

Phoebe's in love. But Hank Azaria's
back.

I'm going to kiss you now.

You? Thanks for the face massage.

Plus Freddie Prinze Jr.

as the nanny. He is too sensitive.

What is too sensitive?

It's all new Super Size Friends this
Thursday on NBC.

Stay on NBC.