All language subtitles for Ed s03e04 Charlotte and Wilbur

Stars shining bright above you.

Night breezes seem to whisper I love
you.

Birds singing in the sycamore tree.

Dream a little dream of me.

Say nighty night and kiss me.

me tight and tell me you'll miss me
while I'm alone and blue as

can be dream a little dream

were young there.

How old is he?

Early 30s. That's when my mom got sick.
I'm about seven, Stella's five,

and Jack's maybe a year.

I was thinking about getting some old
films transferred to video for his

birthday. Oh, I'd love that.

Oh, my God. Charlotte Webb?

Yeah. Copy my dad gave me when I was a
kid.

Oh, this book almost... I cried my eyes
out. You cried? Why?

Because it made me sad.

Not me. I loved it. Dad ran it to us
every night before we went to bed. He

all the animal voices.

Wilbur, Charlotte, Templeton the rat.
I'm telling you, it was better than TV.

He cracks me up. I love your dad.

You're going to come to his birthday
party? It's just going to be a bunch of

at the goat.

Are there going to be lots of married
guys there in their late 50s?

Yep. Hot diggity I'm in, sister.

Yep. I was going to introduce Dennis to
my dad there.

Your dad hasn't met Dennis yet?

This will be first contact.

Wow. It's so weird. I mean, you and your
dad are so close.

What do you say when you told him you're
marrying a guy he's never met?

Carol.

Oh, my God. Tell me you're kidding.

Nope. What was going through that little
blonde head of yours when you decided

not to tell him you were getting
engaged?

I didn't.

You decide not to tell him. I just
haven't found the perfect moment yet.

What?

Well, for one thing, he doesn't have the
print shop here anymore, so he spends a

lot of time in Florida. The last time I
saw him, I didn't exactly get around to

bringing it up. And, Molly, you know how
these things are. I mean, the longer

you wait, the harder it is to bring it
up. And then it gets even harder until

eventually you're totally screwed.

Pretty much, yeah.

There I can keep by your side.

Good news, nothing but bad news. Tell
me, Shirley, when did the world start

going to hell?

The day McDonald's started baking their
apple pies instead of deep frying them.

I think you just nailed it.

Excuse me, I'm looking for Eli Goggins.
He works here, right?

Yes, he does, and here he comes. Eli.

Vincent DeMar.

I'm good.

How you holding up, Eli?

I'm sitting on top of the world, man.
Emphasis on sitting.

I hear you, brother.

So what can I do for you, man? Nothing.
I just want to stop by and say the

contest won't be the same without you.

We'll be thinking about you Saturday
night.

Thanks a lot, man.

What contest was that? Oh, they have
this jitterbug dance -off every year at

VFW Hall. You used to jitterbug?

Yeah, no, son. What a kid.

Eli here was a one -man jitterbug in
Tsunami, and don't let him tell you any

different. Is that right?

Anyway, I got to get to work.

Good seeing you, man.

We'll miss you. Hey, thanks, partner.

Seems like a good guy.

I ain't that bad.

I would like you to take one, please,
and pass the rest back.

Is this a practice test?

Yes, it is, Mr. VanCore.

Aren't you going to teach us the
patterns first?

The what?

The patterns. Like, you know, if your
last three answers were Bs, you should

down a C.

Mark, there are no patterns.

Don't say that. I'm screwed without the
patterns.

Let's start, shall we?

On your mark, get set, go.

said no. No what, Cheswick? I refuse to
submit to this. This being... Listen,

people, if we take this test, we're
letting them rip into our chest and take

our souls and replace it with numbers.

Oh, you're not Mark Vantacore, no,
you're 420 verbal, 480 math.

Yes, I'm very, very lucky. We must take
a stand, my brothers and sisters.

It's time to boycott the SATs. It's time
to say pencils down.

Warren?

What's with you and that Vincent guy?

Oh, Vincent, my ass, dude. This dude has
been my rival since I was eight years

old. Like Lex Luthor to my Superman.

Like Salieri to my Amadeus.

I was real people's Skip Stevenson. He
was that's incredible.

Next one.

Dude, everything I've had to do tried to
damn to take it away from me. I had a

girl he tried to take. I bought a car he
had to buy a fast one.

Six months after I opened my restaurant,
he go open a spot right down the road.

You had a restaurant?

Dude, I had... Captain, Eli's friendship
break down around 71.

That was my spot. I had to settle it
after my accident.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Nah, it's all good, man. Life goes on.

So, well then, why did Vincent come to
see you today?

Oh, in the last five years in a row, I
whacked his ass in a jitterbug contest.

This time, he's going to win. He wants
me to know.

A jerk. Rubbing it in like that? Yo, he
ain't going to get them. You can believe

that. Dude, pass me that wrench right
there.

Thanks.

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

What? I'm entertaining the patrons. They
love me. Poor guy back there gave me

five bucks.

Excuse me, sir. I'm going to have to ask
you to put down the violin.

If I had a nickel for every time
somebody asked me to stop playing a

be a millionaire.

But with this violin, five bucks.

So, my friend, you must be right.

Enjoy your lunch.

Oh, it's so good to see you. Oh, it's
good to see you, Sammy.

Now, we have to eat quick. I only have
about five minutes. What?

Oh, yeah, I got to catch a plane to D
.C. Washington.

Yeah, testifying before Congress.

Why? Well, they're passing this new law
making it illegal for girls to be as

beautiful as you are.

Dad, you could charm the cork out of a
bottle of champagne.

And I have.

Hey, Mrs. Burton.

Warren. Have a seat.

Ms. Hudson sent me?

Yes, I know.

Apparently you've gone completely
insane.

Men with original ideas have always been
considered insane.

Columbus, the Wright brothers, Vincent
Van Gogh.

Van Gogh was insane. Cut off his ear.
I'm sure he had his reasons.

Warren, I've got your records here, and
it seems you've never taken the SAT.

No, ma 'am. You had a couple chances
last year, and you skipped both of them.

If you don't take them this time around,
it'll affect your college applications.

And so be it.

The SATs are a barbarous, dehumanizing
relic of the dark ages of American

academia. They must be destroyed. And I,
Mrs. Burton, I am the destroyer.

That's why God put me here.

Assuming that there is a God and that he
puts people places.

Good day.

Hey, Warren.

Yeah. Nice shirt.

Oh, thanks.

Shirley, since when do you guys serve
deep fried pie?

Think today, would you like one?

Sure.

Shirley, what the hell are you doing
over there? It's under control.

Eli, Eli.

Listen up. Come here. What's up, man?

Listen, I've been thinking.

Actually, the book title is yours.

You can't let Vincent DeMar take it
away.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Enter the contest.

Well, that's a great idea, but since my
accident, my dancing skills have been a

tad bit rusty. It doesn't matter. Just
enter that contest. You get out there in

your wheelchair. You do your thing. I
bet you win.

Oh, I bet you I will, too.

Oh, look at the little wheelchair dude.

Oh, it looks so heartbreaking.

Just give him a prize or something.

That's not winning, Ed.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, you're right.

Okay, fine. You know what?

If you can't beat him, I'm going to beat
him for you.

You? Yeah, I'll enter the contest in
your place. You kidding me, man? It just

happens I'm a bit of a jitterbug
aficionado myself.

Isn't that right, Mike?

Can't talk, even fried pie, experiencing
Nirvana.

So, Dad, do you remember that copy of
Charlotte's Web you gave me when we were

kids? Sure.

On the inside cover, you wrote, I wish
it would always be this easy.

What do you mean by that?

A long time ago.

So, uh, what's new with you, Sam? You
still like your job?

Yeah, um, it's fantastic. I love it.

Good. It's important to love your work.

You know, I always love working in the
printing shop.

Something about, you know... Daddy, I
need to tell you something.

Well, Tammy, something wrong?

No, uh, nothing bad. It's good,
actually.

Well, then what is it?

Getting married.

Getting married?

Mm -hmm.

Soon, actually.

What? It's a guy named Dennis, and he's
the principal at the high school.

Sammy, uh, you're not... No!

No, Dad, no.

Well, then what is this? I mean, are you
being blackmailed? Dad! Is this one of

those cult things? I mean, are they
watching you right now? Because if you

talk, you can signal me by blinking.
Dad.

No one is forcing me to do anything. I
want to get married. To a man I never

even met. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I've wanted you to meet him
for a while, but I just... I haven't

found the perfect moment.

Okay. It's one of those crazy things.
Please understand.

It's fine.

Daddy, please. It's fine.

Congratulations, Carol.

I'm so sorry. I really screwed this up.

So, how mad was he?

Oh, he wasn't mad. He doesn't get mad.

He gets hot.

And it's so much worse.

Why didn't you tell him to engage?

Uh, it's complicated and I'm not really
sure I know myself.

Let me see if I can simplify it for you.

You didn't tell him because you thought
he wouldn't like me.

No. That's not it. Not really.

Not really or not it?

Okay. Um, listen, when I was a kid, my
dad

was like this big oak tree, tall,
strong, thick.

And then my mom died.

And for the first time I saw him bend
and he was just for an instant, but I

it and it shook my whole world. From
that point on, I promised myself I would

never do anything that would make him
bend.

And marrying me does that?

I didn't think he would take to losing
his little girl.

You know, it wasn't logical.

I knew I would have to tell him someday.

I'm sorry, I made a mistake.

So, do I still go to the party to meet
him?

What do you think?

I think, yeah, I think we take the bull
by the horns. I think I'll just have to

charm the fox off the guy.

You? Watch it. Oh.

It'll be okay.

Thank you.

The question is, Diane, what can we do
to bring some attention to our cause,

know? Make that your cause. I already
scored a 14 .98. I wish I could get

Richard Gere on the phone. Or Bono.
Bono. That dude supports everything.

freaking out and just take the test.
You're smart. You've got nothing to be

afraid of.

I'm not afraid.

Oh, please.

Don't expect me to take this protesting
seriously.

Why wouldn't you? Because you're the
most apathetic human being alive. I am

He is.

Well, the two of you shut up. The shame
on you guys.

Today's shame on you.

goes to Happy Boy Dry Cleaners on Milton
Street in Jasper Town.

Shame on you. Shame on you.

A customer who lost a $500 suit is not a
happy boy right now. Shame on you.

Shame on you.

Now this woman you're about to meet,
best dance partner I've ever had. I just

hope you can hold your own. You don't
got to worry about me, my friend.

You're talking to the lord of the
dancers. The lord of your pants. Now,

that? Irene!

How you doing? Eli.

How you doing, baby?

Much better now.

I want you to meet a friend of mine.
This is Ed Stevens.

Hi, Ed. Nice to meet you. This man is
entering into the Jitterbug Contest in

place. He's going to defend the title of
Eli Cartwright Goggins III.

That's terrific.

So, we came to ask if you'd be my
partner.

Oh. Listen, it's fine. It's okay. Look,
just because I'm not dancing doesn't

mean you've got to fill out the contest.

Well, that's just it. I already signed
up.

Who are you dancing with?

Vincent DeMar.

Vincent DeMar.

Look, it's cool.

He asked me last week. I never would
have. No, no, look, don't worry about

You and Vincent, you guys, you're going
to be an electrifying combo. Believe me,

I know, because I know what you can do.
Look,

I got a customer.

Give me one second. All right, cool.
We'll be all right.

Come on.

I'll buy you lunch. I'll buy you lunch,
man. Come on, let's go. We ain't got no

time for lunch.

Where are we going? She's dancing with
Vincent. We're going to go get his old

partner before somebody else does. Come
on. Okay.

All right. Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Hey, so, um...

My dad can be a bit of a character. You
might just have to roll with it. Okay,

you told me. It's going to be okay. I've
been feeling good. I've been doing this

yoga. Hey, there's the birthday boy!

Hi, happy birthday, Daddy.

Question. How can a woman who looks like
this spring from your loins?

This is God's greatest mystery.

Carol, you remember Mr.

Herderice? Oh, of course. Hi, it's a
pleasure to see you, sir. The first time

met, You were no bigger than my thumb.

Dad,

this is someone I want you to meet.
Dennis, my dad.

It's a pleasure, sir. I've heard a lot
about you.

That's funny.

I only just heard about you.

If you'll excuse me, I was on my way to
the bar.

Very nice meeting you, Dennis.

Hi. Hi.

Want something to drink? No, listen,
Daddy, I'm really sorry.

I don't want anything to drink. I'll get
you a margarita. May we have a

margarita down here, please? That will
make you forgive me right now. Would you

like salt on the room? I don't want
salt. I want you to forgive me.

What can I say to you? Please, Dad, talk
to me.

What is there to say, Carol?

I've got to get back to the party.

Lay back the B -roll. Excuse me.

Morrie Carr. Morrie Carr.

Yes. Say, Warren Cheswick, take that
pencil down. You and I need to talk.

Look, I'm on my way to it. You're the
shame on you guy, aren't you? Yeah.

then, my friend, I have the ultimate
shame on you for you. This is the shame

you you're going to want in your
gravestone. What is it?

The SATs. Shame on the SATs. Hey, kid, I
don't deal with stuff like that. I deal

with mouth droppings in restaurant
kitchens. Ah.

Maury, Maury, Maury, come on, you're
thinking way too small, man.

You wield a mighty broad sword of shame.
It's time to start slaying some

dragons. I'm sorry, I can't help it.

Oh,

come on, you can't just...

It's

me, Carol, open up.

Dad, I know you're here. I see your car
in the driveway.

Hi. Hi.

Is my father home? No. No. Not at the
moment.

Do you mind if I ask who you are?

My name is Rita.

You must be Richard's daughter, Carol.

Yeah. Do we know each other?

Would you like to come in?

Yeah.

I'm sorry. Who are you?

I know that your father never mentioned
me to you.

No. Why would he?

Rita?

Yeah, I know he's going to kill me for
this, but I think it's for the best.

What's for the best? Who are you?

I'm your dad's wife.

They're married. What? Yeah. Can you
believe that? I can't believe it. He

even tell me.

I'm not sure he ever would have told me.
I had to get it out of her.

So what did he say when you asked him
about it? I haven't talked to him yet.

What? What? You didn't call the second
you found out? No.

Why not?

It's what I do every time my father gets
married without telling me. I'm

furious, Molly. That's why. I can't get
my brain around this.

This is a little weird. I mean, you guys
are so close. We are close. We are

close. Very close.

When are you going to ask him about it?
I don't know. Soon.

I need to figure out what I want to say
to him.

How about knock -knock dad?

Why'd you get married without telling
me? This is going to be a fight. This is

going to be such a big fight.

Why wouldn't he tell me he got married?

Well, you didn't exactly rush to tell
him about Dennis.

That is so different. I didn't marry
Dennis.

Not yet, right?

Right.

All right, Shirley.

Five that box, baby. We got some bugs
for Jenna.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold it,
Shirley. Hey,

Stucky Boss, come on. Show us what you
got.

Wanda and I have barely met. We've
barely met. Would you like some

Maybe a cheese plate?

I'm not here for no tea party, Stucky
Boss.

I'm here to dance and to let go.

Wait, wait, hold on. Hold on, Shirley.

Don't hit the button. Okay, just
everybody just listen.

That's all.

Calm down a second.

What's the matter, man? Nothing. I'm
fine. I'm fine.

Maybe it would be best if Wanda
jitterbugs by herself for a minute.

See, that way I can watch.

I can watch and I can tailor my
jitterbug style to suit yours.

Who is this fool?

Ed.

Dance with the lady.

I just think it'd be best if we...
Charlene, hit that button.

When I was young, my time was the ball.

Teenage moms and teenage trouble.

Everything I watched was black and
white.

Ed, what the hell are you doing?

I'm making it look like my kneecaps are
exchanging positions.

Where did you learn to do the jitterbug?

I ran into swingers a couple of times.
And swing kids, the one with rebellious

dancing teenagers in Nazi Germany. It's
like a footloose.

Hitler.

Was I really that bad?

Though you can forget about the dance
contest. Oh, no, no, no, no. I want to

help you beat Vincent tomorrow. I can do
this. I really can. I just need a

lesson or two or five. I'm a quick
study. I'm more graceful than most men.

I'll be going now.

Wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on.

Wait. Wanda, Wanda, listen.

Please. Let's give the dude one more
chance.

Maybe we can make some miracles happen.

Come on, please.

Do it for me, baby. Do it for Eli.

Dad?

Carol? Are you here alone or are you
with your wife?

Rita?

Rita? What am I thinking?

I should be calling Mom, shouldn't I?

Mom? Hey, Mom, are you home?

She's not here now. Oh, she's not here.
That's too bad. Where is Mom? When's Mom

coming back?

By the way, Dad, how long have you two
been married? About a year. About a

Wow, did Jack and Stella know? No.

No, I see. So on the one hand, you teach
us to be this incredibly close family,

and on the other hand, you decide not to
tell your own children that you got

remarried? Let's just settle down.
Settle down? I'm not going to settle

How could you get married and not tell
me? Well, you did the same thing. Well,

what's his thing? I did not do the same
thing. I didn't marry Dennis. I just got

engaged. Well, you're starting to slice
it pretty thin here. I am not slicing it

thin, Daddy. How? How could you do this
to me? Because I didn't think you could

handle me with a new wife.

I didn't want to hurt you.

I don't know what else to say.

Nothing.

You were right the other day.

There is nothing left to say between us.

Don't walk away on Carol.

So when filling in the bubbles on the
SAT, you want to employ a nice circular

motion like this, going from the outside
to the inside.

If you charge across and jagged
vertically, you end up having to double

that's just waste time. Now, if you have
to erase, I want you guys to know...

Teacher! Leave those kids alone!

Warren! Run away. You don't have to be
here. Do you hear me?

This is an official protest of the S .A
.T. Sweet Jesus, the boy has finally

popped his cork. Warren, I'm going to
have to ask you to leave.

Attica!

Attica!

Attica!

All right.

Are you ready to become the Lindy
Hoppin', Savoy Swingin', Carolina

.C. Hand Dancin', Jitterbuck King of
Stuckyville?

Yeah, I'm ready.

But damn it, let's do the thing. Wanda,
come on. You ready?

Do you wanna...

Nice work, sucky boss. Real smooth,
baby.

All right, I think that'll be enough for
tonight.

Wait, we need to do the flip.

The flip?

Yeah, the flip. You know, with the
hamstring in the air. The flip, the

don't think so.

You're doing all right, but you ain't
ready for no flip.

No, no, no way. We need the flip with
the hamstring in the air. We need the

to win. Dude, get it out your mind.
Don't even think about it. You ain't

for that.

But... All right.

That was...

Yeah? Rita.

Hi.

I'm sorry to bother you here.

Uh, no.

It's fine.

Can I help you with something, or...
Look, I know we didn't exactly get off

the right foot. I... I told Richard that
we should tell you and your brother and

sister, but he insisted that... You
know, really, none of this has anything

do with you.

But thanks for coming.

Okay? He really loves you.

You know that. He talks about you all
the time.

That's great.

It is. And thank you again.

There's something else that you should
know.

Your dad might be sick.

What?

Yeah, they found a growth in his colon.

And that's why he came back. He doesn't
like the doctors in Florida.

He went in a couple of days ago, and now
he's waiting for the results of the

biopsy.

But it's nothing serious, right? I mean,
he's going to be fine.

Hopefully.

Maybe not.

He's going to be fine. Of course he's
going to be fine.

Look, Richard made me promise not to
tell you. I just thought that you might

want to know.

Rita.

Thank you.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Rita let me in.

She told me about the tumor.

Rita! Daddy, don't get mad at her.

Well, she's blowing the whole thing out
of proportion.

It's nothing.

She told me you're getting the test
results back in a couple of days, and I

to come with you to the doctor. Well, I
don't know what she's talking about,

because there are no test results.

Look, they did find a tiny irregularity,
but they fixed it.

I'm totally fine. I got a clean bill of
health, though. Don't worry about me,

yeah? Daddy, don't do this. I'm telling
you, Sam, I'm fine.

Strong, like bull.

Come here. Sit down right now.

All right, listen.

Do you remember after Mommy died and I
used to always ask you, are you sad?

Do you remember what you'd say to me?

No. You'd say, let's go shopping, or who
wants to bake a cake, or do you want me

to read you a story?

The one thing I never, ever heard you
say was, yeah, I'm really, really sad.

I figured you had enough sadness in your
life.

I know, because I thought the same thing
about you.

Daddy, every time you ask me how I am, I
go out and I buy the rosiest paint

I can find.

And I paint every detail of my life that
color for you.

I've been doing it my whole life.

And now, for as close as we are, we're
really not that close.

That's not true.

It is.

It is, Dad. It is true. Don't you see
what we're doing?

I'm scared you're going to be upset
about me getting married, so I don't

you about Dennis, and you don't know how
I'm going to take you getting

remarried, so you don't tell me about
Rita. And now, Daddy, you

might be sick.

And you won't be honest about it because
you're so stuck being my strong,

unbreakable dad.

So come on.

Let me come with you to get your test
results.

I'm telling you, Sam, there are no test
results.

Rita misunderstood the situation.

Okay.

Good.

Now, you hungry? Can I make you a
sandwich?

I'm going to go.

Ed?

Ed, it's Warren.

Are you busy?

I'll be out in a second. What's going
on?

I want to take a class action suit
against the SATs.

SATs, right.

Well, I said you're acting like a
maniac. What's that really about?

What do you mean? It's about fighting
the powers that be. You know, it's about

sticking it to the man.

You say so.

What are you doing in there?

I'm ready for the jitterbug contest.

The what?

The jitterbug contest.

Holy crap.

Hey, Slugger Boss, how you feeling?

Good. A little nervous?

Good. Hey, didn't this whole swing
dancing fad come and go like five years

Who's Chachi here?

Oh, this is... Yeah, the name's Warren
Cheswick. I'm Ed's best friend.

I'm gonna show you. Hey.

Hey, Eli.

Irene. That's it.

Hey, it's Stevens, right? That's right.
I hear you're dangerous, my man.

I'd say that's a fair assessment.

See you on the floor.

Be on the floor.

There's no way you can outdance a guy
named Vincent.

I know.

Vincent DeMar and Irene...

You're going to need to flip.

Look, don't start flipping. No flip,
man.

Hey!

Oh!

Vincent, DeMar, and Irene Gray. Give
them a hand, everybody.

Next up, we've got a newcomer grazing on
the floor, Mr.

Just put that.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Are you
okay? No, I'm not. You broke my ass.

Somebody give me a nice pass.

Ben Stevens and Wanda McPhee, everybody.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Eli.

Eli, you all right?

Charlotte's web, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, for old time's sake.

Always cheer me up.

I, uh, want you to go to the doctor's
with me.

Why?

Because I'm scared.

And, um...

Because I need you very much.

Thank you.

Beer.

Beer.

Root beer.

Ooh, root beer.

Look out.

Ooh, somebody better take my keys.

I gotta tell you, I feel really lousy
about this, Eli. It must have been tough

watching Vincent strut around with that
trophy.

Come on, man. I'm over that, man. On to
the next thing, dude. Come on.

Really? Yes, really. What you want me to
do? Sit there and cry about a dude

winning our dance contest?

Come on, man.

You know I got better things to do than
that.

Matter of fact, get him over here.

I'll tear his ass up in some Scrabble.

No, I'm serious. Get him over here right
now. I'll triple word score that son of

a bitch. Bring him.

How do you do it, Eli?

Do what?

How do you stay so positive?

If I were in your place, how do you do
it?

I have no choice.

What do you mean?

I mean, what am I going to do? All I can
do is sit here and just take this

challenge as it comes.

Don't you really get scared?

Yeah, I get scared.

But I mean, the future is going to throw
things at you whether you want it to or

not.

And I just say, bring it on.

Bring it on.

I hope I don't have what he's got.

You are going to be fine, Daddy. I know
it.

Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Vesey.

Doc, this is my daughter, Carol. Hi, Dr.
Roney. Nice to meet you. Please, sit

down.

I have terrific news.

The biopsy showed the polyp was benign.
There's no sign of cancer.

What does that mean? My dad's going to
be okay?

Yes. We're going to have to keep an eye
on it.

I'd like to do another colonoscopy in
two years, but for now, I see no problem

at all. You're clean.

Well, hello, red meat and cigars.

Daddy!

Kidding, kidding.

Doc, thanks for everything.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

Come on, before you find something wrong
with me.

Okay, we're going to try and do this
practice test in half the time it takes

do the regular SAT. That way it'll get
you focused on making quicker decisions.

Mr. Cheswick, are you here to join us,
or are you going to strip naked and show

us your number two pencil?

Believe me, Miss Hudson, it's a number
three pencil, if you know what I mean.

That makes absolutely no sense.

Yeah, I'm well aware of that matter.

Okay, ready.

Go. Come on in, Mom. It's open.

Hi there.

Daddy, don't come in here. Don't come in
here right now.

I found these old home movies and I was
going to give them to you for your

birthday, but I got distracted.

Mm -hmm.

Well, actually, I got you a present.

Me? Mm -hmm. Why?

Oh, just because.

Charlotte's Web.

I already have Charlotte's Web,
remember?

Well, uh...

I wish it would always be this easy.

When I first started reading you this
fine story, it was when your mom got

And I got a sense as to where it was
going, so I stayed up all night at the

print shop and I sort of rewrote the
ending and printed it right into the

I didn't want you to have to deal with
Charlotte dying, Sammy.

Charlotte dies.

Yeah, but not before she made sure
Wilbur was okay.

In this analogy, am I a pig?

Well, I did the best I could.

But this one's a real one.

Yeah.

That's easy.

Oh. Yeah.

Look at you.

But in your dreams, whatever they be,
dream a little

dream of me.

Thank you.