All language subtitles for Ed s03e03 The Road

Previously on Air.

Dennis and I.

Uh -huh.

Crank caged.

I'm not going to do it, Mike. The
monkeys will fly before Calabasas

Dennis.

November 15th.

They set a date.

Good luck, Carol.

Really?

You mean that?

Yeah.

Oh, and Molly tells me that Carol and
Dennis are getting married on Mount

Precipice. Good.

Good? You think that Carol and Dennis
are getting married on Mount Precipice

good? That's what I said.

You're acting like an ostrich again. An
ostrich.

That's right. World's largest living
bird.

Flightless. Two toes.

I know what an ostrich is, okay? I do
not have my head in the sand if that's

what you're going for.

Actually, ostriches don't really do
that. You're thinking an emu.

Silly me.

You know, the male ostrich wants to
impress the female.

He sits back on his hocks.

Flaps his wings up and down and plates
his neck and screams like a banshee.

Mike, is there something about my face
that screams I want to know more about

ostriches? Maybe a little.

So you're completely fine with Carol and
Dennis getting married? Listen, Carol

can do whatever she wants on top of that
huge mistake, okay? I'm done with the

whole thing.

Prove it.

Prove it how?

Ten bucks if you go impress that female
by sitting back on your hocks, flapping

your wings and plaiting your neck and
screaming like a banshee.

My hocks.

I'll try to get off on a technicality.

You're a bum.

Ten bucks.

Excuse me, ma 'am.

Okay,

that was a little rough. Yeah, it was.

I can keep by your side.

I'm thinking about light blue for the
bridesmaids' dresses.

Pretty.

Are you going to go black tie?

Absolutely. You've got to marry a man in
a tux, otherwise it's not official.

All the guys in penguin suits. It'll be
like prom night all over again, only

grown up and on top of the mountain.

You know there's, again, a lot of yellow
snake within the city limits of Flowery

Branch, Georgia. Did you get Mount
Precipice confirmed for the wedding? Not

but we have our appointment tomorrow.

I read that somewhere.

You're getting married on Mount
Precipice?

Why, what could go wrong with that?

Honey?

So you'd be open to this? I'm open.
Carol has wanted to get married there

she was a little, little girl. Really?

How come?

Well, my mom used to read me all this
Greek mythology. My favorite myth was

about Zeus and Hera getting married in
the clouds on top of Mount Olympus. So,

any opportunity I have... You want
anything from the bar?

No, thanks.

Two beers?

They say their wedding day is the most
special day in a woman's life.

Is it really illegal to yell out snake
in Flowery Branch, Georgia?

So why do you want to be a high school
guidance counselor?

I guess I want to make a difference with
these kids.

Why?

Because adolescence is such a
tremendously confusing time for most

you think you can change all that?

Absolutely.

See that kid?

Yeah. I hate that kid.

Why? Any kid shows up in my office more
than four times, I hate him. His name's

Johnny Malone.

He's a complete deadbeat.

He's already got 14 cuts this semester.

You get him to go to class, you can have
the job.

Okay. Empty office down the hall, you
can work out of there. Thank you so

Okay. Easy. You haven't got the job yet.

Right.

All right, this is Boyd Beckham.

Game semester.

Bring it.

That's it, baby.

T -I is 11 -3 game.

Oh, hey, as long as you're comfortable
with the tainted victory.

Tainted by what?

Your little metallic friend there gives
you a bit of an unfair advantage,

wouldn't you say?

Nah, I done heard everything. Dog, you
trying to tell me I got the advantage

because of my wheelchair? Oh, come on.
Isn't it more of a cheating chair?

Think about it. You get to sit and rest
in a chair during the entire game.

Do you have any idea how exhausting it
is for me to be up and on my feet for

this long? You ain't serious.

Not to mention the fact that thing
pivots on a dime. I mean, you know,

my legs were made out of wheels, this
would all be moot.

You just messed up. And what about
blocking out, getting rebounds? Because

you park your little Mack truck under
the hoop, that's pretty much an

impossibility. Phil, please tell me
you're just playing seriously, man. I

I wouldn't show up to an Olympic swim
race on top of a jet ski, but I guess

that's just me.

Play, I don't know what you want, but
you need to cut it in half. This game is

under official protest.

Ed. I'd like to file a protest with the
International Basketball Federation. Be

a dear. Get me a copy of their governing
rule book, thank you. Get right on

that, Phil. I'll be in my office. If
anyone comes by, I'm not here.

Good morning, Mr. Hinkney.

Morning, Ed.

You've got some revisions for your will?

That's true.

All the changes will be regarding my
Hummels.

You remember my Hummels, don't you?
Yeah.

Those little porcelain things? I changed
my mind about who will get them upon my

passing. Okay.

The Hummels will go to my daughter
instead of my son.

All of them. Okay. That shouldn't be too
difficult.

Why the change of heart? My son is
clumsy.

If I gave them to him, they'd all end up
in the trash bin.

Good day.

For this you called an emergency
meeting?

These days I found no one will listen to
you unless you use the word emergency.

Hey, that creepy trailer's still parked
out front.

Still?

Hello?

Great way to start the day, Vic, and
geriatrics on your parking lot.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, I was reading.

Listen, I own it. Unfortunately, I'm not
zoned for camping. There's a KOA just

down the highway. This is bowling.
Sometimes pinball. Spinoza's ethics.

I read that in college. Actually, I read
the Cliff Notes. Actually, I'm kidding.

I couldn't get through those either.

It requires a certain amount of solitude
to digest.

Right, right, right, right. So it's just
you?

Yeah, just me.

Well, you just drive around by yourself?

Pretty much. No plans, no maps?

I may go to Idaho, come back through
here, go down to Florida, but who knows?

Wow. That is so cool.

I always wanted to hit the road, you
know?

Like VJ and the Bear. Driving to town on
some American byways, solve someone's

problem, dance with the widow, and drive
off into the sunset. Wrap it up with

the monkey.

Always a TV show.

Bear was a monkey.

How soon do you need me out of here?

You know what? Forget about that.

Stay here as long as you like. My name's
Ed.

I'm Frank.

What is that?

My wedding book.

Your wedding book?

Yeah. It has bridal dresses, ideas for
the honeymoon.

You've been planning this a while?

Home X, senior year. Extra credit, I get
an A. I should hope so.

What do you think?

It's nice.

Nice?

Yeah, you know, nice view, lots of
trees.

It's kind of a hike, though, isn't it?

Yes, I like hiking, so I find it quite
invigorating.

You familiar with Mount Precipice?

Um, actually, I haven't been up here in
years.

Well... As you probably know, it's a
volcano.

But don't worry, it's not active.

During the turn of the century, it was
primarily used for bauxite mining.

Now, of course, it's a state park.

There have been weddings up here in the
past.

Not many, though.

You might want to bring up some sort of
portable flooring if you're planning to

dance or whatnot.

What about parking?

That's a $64 ,000 question. Unless
they're driving Hummers, your guests are

going to have to hike up, same way we
did.

Wasn't that bad?

Invigorating. Very much so.

What about electricity?

I suppose you could haul up some gas
-powered generators.

Like I said, it's been done.

You hate it?

No, I don't hate it.

But? But it seems like a lot of
unnecessary hassle.

Oh, I'm sure he's exaggerating. Why
would he be exaggerating?

Look, if you want to do it here, we'll
do it here.

No, you're right.

We'll find somewhere else.

Really?

You sure?

Yeah.

Okay.

I know what it is, Mike. I can't get
this guy out of my head. What do you

Well, I'm thrilled you're getting over
Carol. However, I'm a little concerned

that you seem to have fallen in love
with a man. You don't get it.

Well, of course I get it. Who hasn't
wanted to say the hell with everything

ride off into the sunset?

This guy's doing it different, though,
Mike. Very zen.

He's very zen. It's like he's traveling,
but there's no destination.

Or rather, traveling is the destination.

Kind of like watching Green Acres. How
so?

I don't know. You're a zen master.

Why? Why?

I don't think I'm a bad person because I
prefer engraving to thermography. I

didn't say you were a bad person. I
didn't say that.

Engraving.

Good call.

Ed.

Yeah, maybe you can help us out with
this.

Ed, give me the tape. Give me the tie
break.

These are the choices.

Oh, I'd go with this one. Then again,
I'm a sucker for French -American font.

What's going on? You okay?

Yeah, I'm great.

Never better. Take me with you.

What? Take me with you.

Where? Idaho, wherever you're going.

But I'm leaving in just a couple of
days.

That's perfect.

More than enough time for a guy like me.
What about the bowling?

Don't worry about that. I'll figure all
that. Listen, Frank, I'm a great travel

companion. License plate bingo? Forget
it. I'm a natural.

Within like five minutes, I've always
got Oregon. No one knows how I do it.

crazy. Come on, what do you say?

I sweeten the deal. I sweeten the deal.
Okay?

Gas money's on me the entire month. Top
of the line, highest octane, they got

all on me. I'll even pump.

Except in those weird states where it's
illegal to pump your own, but I'll pump.

Okay.

Okay. Okay, great. Road trip.

Good call.

Good call, Frank. You won't regret this.

So, how was Mount President?

Oh, we decided not to have the wedding
up there, actually, after all.

What? Yeah, you know, I never realized
how steep it is and muddy, too.

You know, an old person could just tip
right over in their folding chair in the

middle of the vows, roll down the
mountain, break a hip, huge applause.

not worth it. And your name is?

Well, I'm sorry. I thought I was talking
to Carol Vesey, the girl who's been

dreaming of wearing a wedding dress on
the apex of Mount Presbyterian since she

was three.

Six. You know, Miles, just impractical.

Round one, Dennis Martino.

Molly, it's not a contest, and Dennis is
not like that. Okay, okay.

What's up now, tough guy?

You wanted to play dirty, and here we
are.

What the hell is the matter with you?
Oh, look at him squirm now that the

chair's on the other foot.

Or should I say, eh.

Come on, get on the bus.

Get on the bus.

Because I don't want your skinny bones
to have to walk to the Eli C. Goggin

School of the Dumb and the Ugly.

Uh, I hope you don't mind, but I just
enrolled your ass.

Oh, really? That's interesting, because
I just spoke with the State Board of

Education. Turns out they're shutting
your little school down.

I guess the parents weren't too
impressed with the test scores, and to

honest, neither was I.

See? I know you got some misinformation.

Because, yo, they made me governor
yesterday.

And by the way, I decided to keep the
mother open on account of your silly

needing some education. Oh, pardon me,
Mr. Governor. Perhaps I haven't

introduced myself properly.

Philip W. Stubbs, president of the
world. Consider yourself overruled.

Can I talk to you guys for a sec?

Get some breath.

Now.

We'll help your people.

Okay.

I have an announcement.

I'm going away for a month on a road
trip.

Where to?

I don't know. You land wherever the road
takes me, I guess.

Yeah, surely.

I would recommend at least 12 to 14
viewings of the madcap college romp road

trip before you depart.

Thank you, Shirley.

Okay, now, I realize this is already the
spur of the moment. I apologize for

that, but you're all excellent
employees, and I'm totally confident in

ability to run things while I'm gone.

Yeah, what's the big deal? I mean, it's
a stupid bowling alley nobody cares

about. There's the attitude I'm looking
for. Okay, a few reminders. Tuesday

night, league night, that means Jack
from Jack's Crepes is going to be here.

Also means a 75 % chance of a fistfight
breaking out in Eli.

Need you to make sure that doesn't
happen. Phil, you're on food and

duty. Shirley, food and beverage?

Ed, come on, I am just one man.

You'll be fine.

Shirley, you're on phone detail. I'll be
checking in every day, but if there's

an emergency, you can always reach me on
my cell.

And by cell, you mean cell phone,
correct?

Correct. Okay, any other questions?

Well, Ed, do you mind if I use your
office while you're gone?

Whoa, whoa.

Take it easy there, cowboy.

Ed, I'm going to be needing your office
while you're gone, okay?

Managerial stuff and whatnot.

I'm going to let you guys figure this
one out.

Miss Burton?

Johnny, hi.

Have a seat.

How are you?

Oh, fine.

Good, good.

So, Principal Martino tells me that
you've been missing some class lately.

And if you keep that up, you might not
graduate.

And if you don't graduate, you can't go
to college.

Oh, that's okay.

All righty, but do you know what happens
to most high school dropouts?

About 35 % of them end up unemployed,
and that is compared to the 15 % for

who do graduate.

In today's job market, even the lowest
-level jobs require at least a GED.

Fast food, auto repair, bill collecting,
department store clerks.

Yeah, but I don't want to do any of
those things.

Right, but what I'm trying to say is if
you don't get a high school diploma, a

lot of doors will close.

I think that you should think long and
hard about this.

Good.

I'm glad we talked.

Oh, yeah, me too.

It truly is an outdoor superstore. Hey,
check this thing out. What do you got

there, Jack? What's it look like, Jack?
It's a flashlight, slash television,

slash AM FM radio, slash thermometer,
slash compass, slash halogen lamp, slash

emergency beacon, slash mosquito
repellent.

I don't need that.

You need the Bowie Knights strapped to
your calf? Yeah, maybe.

I'm not going to dance with you, Ed.
You're going to dance with me, Mike?

does that mean? You know what I'm
talking about. You know, the dance, if

something impulsive, then I have to say,
hey, is this about Carol? And you go,

oh, no, of course not, Mike.

Then you go and do whatever it is you
do, and later we end up talking about

it was all about Carol.

This is not about Carol. I moved on.

Yes, you have. You moved on into the
woods with the guy you just met.

Say what you want, Mike. This trip here
is about freedom. This trip here is

about solitude. This trip here is about
me finding out who I truly am. This trip

is about you running away from Carol's
wedding plan.

Wrong, Mike.

You're so wrong, it's almost scary.
You're scary wrong, Mike. All right,

Keep your voice down. This is an outdoor
superstore. People are trying to

concentrate.

Have an apple martini. Because?

Because there are no apple martinis on
the road.

That's right.

I'm sure there are. You just go into a
bar on the road and order an apple

martini.

You're right.

I can do that.

I can do anything.

Because I'm free.

When you go across country, you should
take the 40. The 76 is all truckers.

Why, heck, Mike. Thanks for that advice.
You know, I might take the 76. I might

take the 40. I might take the 90. Or the
66. Or the 42. Or the 28.

Ed. Ed.

You get it?

You're free.

That's a burden. I gotta go to the can.

You can't expect me to listen to this
without drinking.

Honey, honey, don't forget we have to
take the new menu over to the caterers

tonight. Really? Interesting.

Interesting. You know what I have to do
tonight?

Nothing. Because I'm free.

Yeah, Ed, you certainly are.

Hey, Mr. May.

Check it out.

Got a little gift for you, babe.

What's that?

It's a snow globe.

If you shake it, it looks like it's
snowing.

Is that right?

Listen, Ed, if you want to find out
what's real, you know, I mean what's

real, it's not up there.

It's all in here, brother.

Gee, Phil, I really don't know what to
say. Psych!

I'm just messing with you, Bosco.
Listen, have a great time in Italy, you

or wherever the hell you're going.

Right.

Okay, well.

If you haven't picked out your wedding
colors, white frosting is always a safe

bet.

Maybe. Have you thought about having
real flowers as decoration for the cake?

That's popular right now. Oh, I like
this one.

Actually, I was thinking about going a
little more traditional.

Now that is a wedding cake.

Eh? Eh.

You said you wanted traditional. It's
got three tiers, a little bride and

You can't get any more traditional than
that.

I changed my mind.

You changed your mind? I want a pie.

A what? I don't want a wedding cake.

What do you want?

A pie, a wedding pie.

I'm sorry, but I... Pie?

Pie, Dennis, what part of pie don't you
understand?

The pie part.

Oh, God.

We could do a wedding pie.

Hey, what's up?

Hey.

Is that a new board?

No.

Cool, cool.

So did you check out those X Games, huh?

Tony Hawk was really tearing it up out
there, wasn't he? He blows.

Yeah, he does blow.

Aren't you going to, like, tell me to go
to class or something?

It's your call, man. You know, really.
Like, if you go or you don't go,

whatever. There's no pressure here.

Okay, so what you're saying is I can
either go to class or not go to class?

Yeah, you heard me, dude.

Wow, that's really cool of you.

Hey, you know, I'm your guidance
counselor. I'm not some, I don't know,

sergeant or something.

Okay. Okay. In that case, I'll not go to
class.

Do your choice, man.

Either way is fine with me.

All right.

Why is it the engine that tastes better
on the road?

I'll get you something else, hon. Oh,
I'm fine. Thank you.

You know that, hon? She called me hon.

I love that.

You know, I think I'll start a journal
writing about all the interesting people

we encounter on the road. Hey, Mike.
Hey.

Want some butter?

No, thanks. I was just driving to work
and I saw your trailer out front. Is

everything okay? Oh, yeah. Everything's
fine. Sure. Of course.

Oh, I'm sorry. Mike. This is Frank.
Frank. Mike. Hey.

Heard a lot about you.

Okay. I'm going to get going. You give
me a call when you get out of

Stuckyville. You got it.

Okay, Frank. Let's hit the road.

Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead.

On the road again.

Just can't wait to get on the road
again.

The life I love is making music with my
friends.

A lot of open road, huh?

I can't wait to get on the road again.

On the road again.

Like a band of gypsies, we go down the
highway.

We're the best of friends.

So what do you think, jerky time?

Insisting that the world keeps turning
our way.

And our way.

Come on, have some jerky.

Sure is beautiful out here.

Just testing the fish, man.

Just touching the fish.

And quiet.

Plenty of quiet.

Yeah.

Rick, can I ask you a personal question?
Before you went on the road, was there

a lady in your life?

I was married for a short time.

Really? Wow.

Tell me about that.

Well, we were married for a short time.

Wasn't the right one for you, huh?

I guess not.

How long did it take to get over her?

A long time.

Yeah. I'm going to go out on a limb here
and say this whole traveling business

started soon after you two broke up, am
I right?

No.

No? Really?

It's usually a big life decision like
that only comes after some big kind of

personal appeal. My own personal
experience, anyway. My wife. Yeah,

Please stop talking.

Sure.

This is my physical therapist, Irene,
and I believe it is game time.

Excuse me? Oh, she's already getting all
up inside your head now, isn't she?

Wheel me up to center court for the jump
ball.

Phil, you can't have somebody push you
around the court, man. That's not fair.

No, what's not fair is that you've had a
solid year to learn how to maneuver

your little cheat mobile, whereas I've
had but a few hours.

Sister, sister, look. And we're both
aware of the stakes of the game, yes?

What, Ed's office?

Ed's office.

Let's ball, baby.

Back, back, back, back, back, back.

Damn it, get me around.

Okay,

that's all right. We're down, but that's
just going to make us hungrier, right?

Here we go.

Okay, take me left.

Take me left. Take me left. No, left,
sir. More left.

Back sideways.

Back sideways. Back sideways. To the
right. Rightly. Rightly. Rightly.

To the hole. To the hole. Here we go.

Come on, Irene.

You're better than that.

Little mistakes will kill us out here.

You know that.

Phil. Phil. Now, time out. Time out,
man. Come over here. What? Come here.

No, alone. Come over here alone.

Hey. Anything you got to say to me, you
can say to Irene.

All right. You seriously going to make
her push you around out here all day?

She does this because she loves it,
okay? She loves this game.

All right.

Game face is on. Let's go.

You know what?

Here we go.

All right, Irene.

Take me to the hole. Take me to the
hole. No, the hole. To the hole. To the

hole. Take me to the hole.

My feet just hurt.

I'll tell you what's hurting. Watching
you trying to execute a triangle

Now you pull your head out of your ass
and you play some D.

Game point, baby.

I want a rematch.

Anytime, anyplace, man.

What do you say we go for a walk?

What? Come on. It'll be fun.

Are we going somewhere, or are you just
kind of... No, just

want to take a walk, you know, get some
fresh air.

You ever thought about where you wanted
to end up?

You know, in life.

Not really.

You ever thought about where you didn't
want to end up?

Oh, you mean like that guy?

Yeah. Yeah. How do you think he wound up
like that?

Let's ask him, shall we?

Excuse me.

Excuse me, sir.

Yes, ma 'am.

Do you mind if I ask you a couple of
questions about you, your life? Well,

that's just about the only subject I do
know something about.

And speaking of subjects, what were some
of your favorite subjects in high

school? Well, no, I never had me much in
the way of book learning, ma 'am.

Really? Were you not able to attend high
school, or...? Oh, no, I was able. I

just weren't much willing.

So, you didn't go to class much?

Sporadically.

I mean, hardly never.

If you could do it all over again, is
there anything that you would change?

I would have gone to class.

Little guy in the class hit them books,
got myself alert.

Great. Well, I, uh, thank you for
sharing.

Just... Boy, sure was an eye -opener,
huh?

Yeah, I guess.

Can we go now?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey! Do you get a chance to look at
those photographers yet?

No, I haven't had a chance yet. I'm
sorry. I will.

Now it's probably just as good a time as
any.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I like this
woman's black and white work.

What's with the whole out of focus
thing?

She's trying to go for a romantic
effect.

Oh, yeah. Well, that's original.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Nothing. Nothing?

You're right.

Let's go with her.

What was I thinking?

Like I would actually get my way with
something.

Excuse me?

Well, you've gotten your way with
absolutely everything else done. Why

photographer be any different? Do you
realize that as we speak, there's a guy

somewhere in Stuckyville trying to put
together a three -tiered wedding pie?

Well, whoop -de -doo, the bride got her
pie.

In lieu of the mountaintop ceremony
you've been dreaming of since you were a

little girl, here is a disgusting
wedding pie.

This is all about Mount Precipice?

Yes, it's all about Mount Precipice
because you bullied me out of it. I

bully you this time. We both agreed not
to have it on Mount Precipice.

Agreed? Agreed? Oh, this is such a...

You clean out your wallet, Frank?

Look at all this stuff.

Price Club card, 1994.

Three video drone cards. They're not
even in business anymore.

Look at all this stuff. Can you believe
that these are all the things I deem

most important in my life? So crucial.

My existence, I had him with me at all
times. Where did I go wrong, Frank?

did I go wrong, Frank?

And here is another thing we can
certainly do without. Goodbye!

I don't know what I was thinking.

It's really not safe to be out here
without a cell phone. Yeah.

Found it.

Don't do that again.

I won't, no problem.

Hello? Ed, hi.

Hey, Kara.

Listen, I just called to apologize for
what I said to you the other night at

goat. Oh, don't worry about it. I can't
even remember it.

I can't really either. I just... I
wanted to say I was sorry.

Ah, hey, forget it. Pass the s'mores,
girl.

Hey, listen, Carol, you know what? It's
nuts right here. Oh, get off, Bambi.

You think I could call you a little
later?

Yeah, sure, of course. Okay.

Are we just cruising along, huh?

Yeah, I guess.

Great, great.

Here. Can I? Yep.

You know, Johnny, sometimes we glide
along through life just taking the

as best we can and everything seems
fine, right?

Yeah. And then sometimes we don't do
what we're told. You know, we get a

off track.

And things go horribly wrong. And bam!

How do I get through to you, Johnny,
huh?

I have shown you full -color graphics. I
have dressed up as you. I have taken

you to visit a homeless man.

Tell me.

What's it going to take?

Hey, look, I'm really sorry. You know
what?

You better be in class tomorrow, buddy.

Or you're going to be in serious
trouble.

Okay, okay.

I love this stick Friday.

I guess the Friday part's good.

You okay?

I accused Dennis of bullying me out of
my Mount Precipice wedding.

Well, did he bully you out of it?

Thanks. We had a totally rational
conversation about it, and I was the one

suggested we find some other place.

Molly, why do I assume that he is
manipulating me when he's being nothing

sweet? You know, maybe Dennis looks like
a bunchberry, but your instincts are

telling you he's actually a beanberry.

Excuse me?

Okay, look.

Bunchberries are edible and sweet.

Bane berries, although they look and
taste like bunch berries, are actually

most poisonous berry you can eat.

Are you trying to tell me that Dennis is
a poisonous berry?

No, I'm saying maybe you should listen
to your instincts.

Dennis is not a bane berry. Okay, okay.

Dennis is more like a plum or a
nectarine.

Why are we using these stupid fruit
metaphors? I'm teaching horticulture and

biology class.

You know, I could understand this kind
of behavior on Macaroni Monday.

Do they have showers in there?

No.

I don't see how you do it.

Well, it takes a little practice, but if
you get your hand around the nozzle

just right... No, I'm not talking about
that. I'm talking about the solitude.

Solitude?

Yeah, Frank.

Solitude. Doesn't it drive you crazy?

No. No, I love it.

Sitting in the trailer night after night
all by yourself.

I love that, too.

Well, maybe it just takes some getting
used to, I guess. How long were you on

the road before you found happiness?

I didn't find happiness on the road.

What do you mean?

I was happy before I left.

Huh.

Probably run into a lot of people like
me.

People think they can just run away from
their problems.

Every once in a while, I take somebody
along, give them a taste.

But they don't last too long.

A few months.

That's about it.

Months.

But, I mean, probably a lot of them only
lasted a day or two, didn't they?

Come on.

You know what, Frank?

I'm getting my second wind. I think
maybe I ought to take one of those hand

-sink showers.

Ed, I think it'd be best if you wait
till you got home.

Hey. Hey.

Can we talk?

I was just... Yeah.

Look, about the other day, I'm very
sorry.

Thanks. Look, you brought some things
up. I was being ridiculous.

No. If you think I'm bullying you, then
maybe it's something we should talk

about. Can we just chalk it up to some
pre -wedding jitters?

Look, I want to do this right.

It is right.

If you really want to get married on
Mount Precipice, then we should do it.

No, no, no. It's just a silly, childish
idea.

Are you sure?

Yes. Absolutely, it's not practical.

It's in the book.

Oh. No.

Not anymore.

I'm great.

I gotta go.

Dude, you know you can't play in that
big -ass chair.

Well, you look in the rule book and you
show me where big -ass chairs are

excluded and I'll be happy to send my
friend home.

You know what?

I don't even want to talk about it.

So it's a forfeit then?

You know, Irene, I've enjoyed a lot of
victories in my life, but for some

reason, this one is particularly sweet.

Are you going to pay me now?

Come on in.

Hi.

How'd it go with Johnny?

Uh...

Progress was made, you know, seeds were
planted, and I truly believe that if I

were given the appropriate amount of
time... Honestly, I think I'd blow

it. Good.

You're not going to change a kid in a
day.

Or even a year.

So, what's the point?

There's no point. I just wanted to make
sure you failed the first time out.

Why?

Because as a guidance counselor, that's
going to be your steady diet, and I

didn't want you thinking it was going to
be anything else.

So that's how it's going to be, huh?

Pretty much.

Do you want the job?

Yes.

Yes, I do.

But only because I'm determined to prove
you wrong.

I'm deadly serious about that. I know.

in the right little bag.

I just stopped by on my way afterwards
to pick up my veil.

Let's see it.

Put it on.

Are you kidding me? I'm not trying on my
veil in the middle of a smiling coat.

What kind did you choose?

Okay, the lady in the shop kept pushing
me to get one of those long ones, but I

thought it was too much, so the one I
chose is short, but I think it's very

simple, very elegant.

Ed.

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

You know, I saw a lot of great stuff on
the road and felt rejuvenated, so I

decided to come home.

I'm glad to have you back, buddy.
Weren't you only gone for, like, what,

hours? No, 36.

Could be 37, but who's counting?

So, Carol, you just bought your wedding
veil for God's sake. Do we have to show

it to us? Try it on just for a second.

I can't do that.

Bad luck.

Only if Dennis sees it. Dennis, you've
had, like, three cups of coffee. Don't

you have to go to the bathroom?

You know, now that you mention it, I do.

Excuse me.

Okay. This is ridiculous.

Come on.

Okay.

Wow.

It's beautiful.

It really is.

How many veils did you look at? 5 ,000.

Yeah, but this one's really elegant. It
really is.

Thanks.

Okay, that's enough with this.

And you want to go up to the bar and
grab a couple beers?

No. No, Mike, that's just what an
ostrich would do.

What do you mean ostrich?

Nobody called me an ostrich.

Call me an ostrich. I had my head in the
sand about Carol's wedding. I don't

think I called you an ostrich. You
totally called me an ostrich. I wouldn't

called you a bird.