All language subtitles for Ed s02e21 Memory Lane

Ed? Yeah? What do you think the most
delicious foodstuff known to mankind?

Grape. Grape's the most delicious
foodstuff? Yep. You pop a cool

grape in your mouth, you live in large.
The answer is bacon.

Bacon is the most delicious foodstuff.
Please stop saying foodstuff.

So how are you feeling about the big
move?

Big what?

Dennis moving in with Carol, big move.

Are they doing that? I heard they were
thinking about doing that. Oh, yeah,

moving all right. Moving as in staying
over a little bit more or moving as in

giving up his principal place of
residence?

Ed, the man is moving as in packed with
China and called the U -Haul Linda.

Linda. It's an expression.

Linda's an expression?

Ed, are you hearing me? The man is
moving in with Carol.

Ed, the man is moving in with Carol.

Yeah, I know. So? So what are you going
to do?

I'm not going to do anything.

You hear that whistle?

What whistle?

It's a carol train leaving the station.

When

it's

my moment in the sun Oh, how beautiful

I'll be But in a normal

You.

left the cap off the toothpaste this
morning. I did? No, not really. I just

thought it would be an adorable little
argument for the two of us to have.

Oh, I see. Well, I'm sick of you always
leaving the toilet seat up. Nice.

But why would I leave the toilet seat
up? Girls leave it down. Boys leave it

Yeah, you're right. See, I'm no good at
this.

Oh, wait. You can blame me for always
hogging the bathroom in the morning

I'm prettying myself up. Yeah, yeah.
What's the story with that? Takes you an

hour and a half to get ready. Every
single day. True. No, actually, 20

tops. I'm ready. I give up.

Oh!

Sorry, my man. My man?

How about my main man?

Could I get it done for you? How about
Mr. Martino?

Fair enough. Mr. Martino it is.

I'm Mr. Fontana.

Actually, let's go with Dr.

Fontana. It'll help me out with the
chicks. You know what I'm saying?

That shirt's inappropriate.

Are you kidding? This is ironic.

I don't care if it's ironic.

I don't want you wearing it in my
school.

You got it.

Can you turn up the heat? It's a little
frothy in here.

All set on Sidney Poitier to serve with
love.

I'll call you Mr.

Tim.

Hello?

Hi, can I help you?

Are you the lawyer?

Yes, Ed Stevens. Please, come in, miss.

Mrs. Schroeder. Mrs. Schroeder, please,
have a seat. What can I do for you?

You know that photo store on the corner
of Bloomfield Avenue?

Photo farm? I want to sue them for one
billion dollars. What happened, Mrs.

Schroeder? My husband, Ricky, he passed
away six years ago.

I'm sorry.

Our 45th anniversary would have been
coming up, so I decided to make some

albums for family members.

Okay. So, I took all the pictures I had
of the two of us together, and I

brought them over to that photo place to
be copied.

They're all gone.

What happened? They put the boxes in the
wrong place or something.

And they all got thrown out.

I'm so sorry.

I don't have a single picture of my
husband and me.

Truly, that's awful.

I mean, one accident and the show's
over.

You're not following me, okay? I'm
talking about a whole new kind of game

where a contestant could actually be
killed as part of the rules.

See? You just have them sign releases.

Hi, Diane.

Hi, Mark.

Warren. Hi.

I was just finishing up at my locker.

Yeah, I'm headed over to Trig. Ah,
Trigonometry.

I guess I'll see you guys around.

Yeah, yeah.

Bye,

Diane. Bye.

What in the Uncle Bob was that? I don't
know. I do not know.

Is everything so crazy between us now
ever since we kissed at the church?

It's been like two weeks. What have you
two been doing for two weeks?

We spend the first week hemming and the
second week hawing.

Has anybody seen this?

Yeah. Isn't it the punk that bumped into
me in the hallway? How does a loser

like this get to run for class
president? I hate to break the news to

Paul Montana is the class president.

What? Yeah. He was freshman class
president. He's sophomore class

Right now he's junior class president.
And if he wins this election, which he

will, He'll be senior class president.
Isn't this kid just some Yahoo idiot?

Yahoo idiot?

Where have I heard that? You're thinking
of Yahoo. Here he is. Right, the guy

from Young Einstein.

How does a kid like this get to be class
president? Because every year he blows

away the one or two students who should
be class president by going on and on

about how he's a member of the party
party.

And then all the kids in the crowd make
that woo -hoo noise they love so much.

Next thing you know, Paul Fontana is
class president.

What the hell happened to Yahoo, Sirius?

Burton, Nancy Jasinski, now Nancy
Burton, Molly Hudson, Carol Nessie. The

has finally gone between us. Ed. Yes.
What is this about?

I'm documenting my life. I want to have
a record of all this one day. Why?

Because one of my clients, she took all
the pictures of her and her husband down

to the photo store to get them
duplicated and they accidentally threw

Ouch. I know, so now she has absolutely
nothing to help her remember the past.

It's unbelievably horrible.

Truly awful. Can we eat now?

Mike, be sensitive.

I'm sensitive.

Gums are sensitive is about all.

That's private.

This is exactly the kind of thing I want
to remember. Okay, you guys, do some

more of your hilarious married people
stuff.

Hey, Diane, are you going to the
assembly?

Yeah. Cool, cool.

About the other day at the church, there
was an amazing cathedral, don't you

think?

It's just like incredible architecture.

I thought the columns were particularly
doric.

It's really, really doric.

I guess.

Remember when I kissed you, or... Mm
-hmm.

Cool, cool.

You have something you want to say?

Me? I don't know.

Do you have something you want to say?
You came over here for me. Oh, right,

You're right. No, I came over because I
thought you had something you might want

to say.

Because we kissed, right?

No, we kissed once. I was thinking like
I wasn't there. No, I know you were

there. I mean, obviously.

It would have been a little embarrassing
if you weren't, frankly.

I would have just been kissing a strange
parishioner you mentioned.

I'm going to go to the assembly. All
right.

Hey, do you want to grab a burger at
some point?

In the near future?

At some point, sometime.

Sure. All right, cool.

Yeah. Yeah, so I'll get...

Here's the gang of the smiling goats.

Popular watering hole in Stuckyville.
How's everyone doing tonight?

There's Cal Bessie, a lady who enjoys...
Dennis.

Hey, oh, there. There you are. I didn't
see you there.

Uh, this is Dennis Martino.

The principal in town.

Hey, Ed. What's with the camera?

Nothing. Nothing.

Just... capturing my past.

Well, if this is the present.

Yeah, yeah, no, but today's present is
tomorrow's past. I figure I better

capture what's right here in front of me
before it scoots away, right?

Okay, first we have Lauren Petruski.

I'm Lauren Petruski.

And I really want to be your class
president.

Premier Mushara.

Hello to you.

And Paul Fontana.

of a party party.

Because I believe in our God -given
right to party!

All

right,

okay.

Thank you. That's it.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Sorry.

There is one more candidate.

Uh, me.

Yeah, that's right. I'm running for
senior class president.

That's it. Thank you.

Mr. Schroeder, as the owner of Photo
Farm, I can't begin to express to you

sorry we are about this unthinkable
mistake that was made.

And that is why my client is prepared to
offer you, as a goodwill settlement, $2

,000 plus a year's worth of free film
and developing.

$2 ,000?

Plus a year's worth of free film and
developing.

I don't think you two get it. You threw
out this woman's past. She has nothing

to show for a 45 -year marriage.

I think you're being a little dramatic.

Her husband is gone. It's not like she
can take those pictures again.

What is it you want?

In preparation for today's meeting, I
wrote a number on a piece of paper.

Now you're being productive.

This is what we want.

Now you're being unproductive.

Let's just see how unproductive I am
when I get up in front of the jury and I

explain to the jury that your firm threw
out my client's prices irreplaceable

pictures of her late husband.

Come on, Barry.

Mrs. Schroeder, your lawyer just cost
you $2 ,000.

Thank you.

Don't worry, Mr. Schroeder. They'll be
back.

Uh, what the hell are you thinking?

Um, I'm thinking that I want to be
senior class president.

You can't run for class president.
You're not a student.

Ah, you would think that, wouldn't you?
Wouldn't you think that, Miss Bessie?

I said what I really would.

But, you know something?

There's nothing in the student handbook
that says you have to be a student to

run. Nothing.

Isn't that the darndest loophole? Isn't
that the darndest loophole, Miss Bessie?

It really is.

Fine. What am I worried about?

You're the principal.

You think the students are going to vote
for the principal?

I'm going to kick your ass.

May the best man win.

He's right, you know. They're never
going to vote for you.

What do you mean? These kids love me.

No, they don't.

They hate you.

What are you going to try to hit me?

I find myself falling out of love with a
seasoned curly fry.

What? Well, for all those years, we had
the standard regular French fry, right?

I mean, sure, at one point they tried to
introduce the crinkle cut, but that was

hardly a meaningful departure.

Yeah, and then suddenly, kaboom, they're
making them seasoned, they're making

them curly.

It's like Picasso got his hands on the
fry -o -lator, you know what I'm saying?

So what's the problem?

I don't know. At first they're
fascinating, but now they're like,

complicated or something, you know? It's
like my tongue is taking an exam.

Is there some kind of embedded analogy
here that I'm supposed to figure out?

No. No, no, no.

Hey, sometimes a seasoned curly fry is
just a seasoned curly fry.

Hey, are we on a date right now?

What? I can't take this anymore. I need
to know if this is a date.

Do you think it's a date? I think that
it might be.

Why? Because normally, you know, we
fight and everything's cool, but for

reason I'm rambling on about the history
of French fries and my stomach's doing

the Fandango. Is it a bad date?

Let's just determine if it's a date
first, okay? Then we can figure out if

a good date or a bad date. Fine.

Let's call it a date.

Okay, then.

Okay, it's a date.

Right now, you and me are officially on
a date.

So how do we figure out if it's a good
date or a bad date?

I don't know.

Honey, it's gone nuts. Call the special
doctors.

I'm back in Stuckyville.

Eddie. What are you doing?

Well, you know how I've been capturing
everything on videotape?

Yeah, we noticed.

I decided to kick it up a notch. And
what does that mean, Emeril?

Well, I decided, I realized, I gotta get
the stuff I missed. So I'm reenacting

the great moments of my return to
Stuckyville for posterity. Why? I mean,

they'll all be fake. Doesn't matter. I
haven't documented it. I'll never forget

them. Eddie. Yeah? It's getting a little
weird.

No, it's fine. Okay, so, Mike, on that
day when I knocked on the door, you were

here, but Nancy, you came around the
corner with Sarah. Where's Sarah?

Not gonna happen.

Okay, it's not a problem. Okay, so I
burst through the door, Mike. Okay, you

might recall, you and I, we hugged and
we both went, Ready?

Here we go.

Okay,

I need you to scream.

You're not really nailing it.

Oh, good. I was missing Sarah.

Young Ed? You.

I'm going to grab us a couple of
extremely cold beers.

You and I are going out to the back
porch for a good old -fashioned father

talk. I'm guessing I'm the son. You are
correct.

Where do you park?

Just over there. Oh, I'm over there.

I'm sorry.

It's cool.

Enjoy.

Thanks for dinner. Oh, no, thank you.

Well, bye.

Okay, bye.

Okay, take care now.

I'm a little worried about you, my
friend.

Me? Why?

Oh, it's videotaping, trying to
recapture the past. What's the deal with

I told you, my client lost all her
photos and got me thinking about my own

so... What about trying to redo the
state championship foul shot? You did

before you ever met the lady who lost
her photos.

That was different. We were having the
basketball team reunion. What's your

point?

I'm just saying it's a lot of energy to
focus on the past.

So I don't want to lose my past. What's
the big deal? It's natural.

I've heard you and Nancy worry you're
not taking enough pictures of Sarah.

You know, it's funny the way you say you
don't want to lose your past.

Lose?

Oh, come on.

What is it, psychoanalysis time? Because
if it is, I want a comfortable couch

and a really hot Swedish female doctor
who tries to solve all my problems

through touch.

Fine, but there's only one thing that
can make a man worry about his past, and

that's when he sees it slipping away.

And I see my past slipping away how?

A man just moves in with Carol.

You're a one -trick pony, Mike, you know
that?

Which is just fine, so long as it's a
good trick.

Don't forget to read Robert Herrick for
tomorrow.

Go gather ye rosebuds while ye may.

Mr. Emerson.

Do you have a moment, Miss Bessie? Well,
let's see.

Superintendent, teacher, I'm... I'm
going to go with yes, sir.

I need you to talk to Dennis.

About? This whole crazy scheme of
running for class president is causing a

problem. Why? Paul Fontana shouldn't be
class president. Dennis is just doing

something about it.

Yes, but Dennis' approach is often,
let's say, unconventional.

There are some parents, some board
members that aren't understanding this

now, and frankly, I'm not sure you're
making any friends either.

What does that mean?

It means I don't want to see anything
bad come of this for either of you.

Mr. Emerson, sir, you know why the
parents and board members think that

Martino is unconventional?

Because Dennis Martino is
unconventional.

That's what makes him so great at his
job.

Talk to him.

Please.

This isn't worth it.

John Emerson is a baby. Unfortunately,
he's also the superintendent of the

school board. Yeah, well, if he still
worked up about this stupid election,

didn't he come down here and deal with
me directly?

Maybe he doesn't want to tangle with
you. Like I said, he's a baby.

Threatening your job like you had
anything to do with this. Can we have

Cokes, please? It's not my job I'm
worried about. It's yours. I don't think

kidding around.

Look, if he bothers you again, just tell
him.

I did everything I could to stop him,
but that crazy Dennis Martino, he just

wouldn't listen.

You're not jumping out of this election,
are you? No way, baby. I'm in it to win

it. Dennis.

Parents don't like it.

Let them complain.

The school board doesn't like it. Let
them fire me.

There's only one thing in the world that
could make me drop out of this

election. What's that?

Someone would have to step up and
convince me that what I'm doing is

Do you think it's wrong?

No, I don't.

Hey, Mark.

Mark. Mark.

Baticor. Behind you.

Sorry,

man. I just... Don't think I can speak
to you anymore. Wait, wait, wait. What?

Ever since you told me about that
forehead kiss, I have no idea what to

you. All right. Ha, ha. Come on. Cut it
out. Just being honest. I mean, how can

I relate to you after that?

I mean, I can pretend I understand you,
but I don't. Hey, listen. I didn't know

if she wanted me to kiss her or not,
okay?

I was attempting a romantic compromise.

Romantic compromise? Yes.

One worthy of King Solomon himself.

You screwed up, Cheswick. I know.

No, okay?

I screwed up. This Diane thing isn't
exactly running smoothly.

I'm floundering here. I'm floundering.

Yeah, you sure are. So what do I do?
What am I supposed to do now?

I don't know, but it better be amazing.

What? Ew.

Good luck, buddy.

Amazing how?

Hey, come on. Don't abandon me like
this.

Hey, guys.

Hi. Hey, where's Dennis?

Believe it or not, he went home to
prepare for the big presidential debate.

Oh, God, you couldn't talk him out of
that? No, I couldn't, and you know, I'm

glad. What do you mean?

Well, I think that it's good that he's
sticking to his convictions. It shows

real strength, you know? Mm -hmm. I
mean, if it was me, I would have, I

know, folded like a cheap pup tent.

Folded like a pup tent.

That's what I said.

You said folded like a cheap pup tent.

Pup tent doesn't have to be cheap to
fold. They're supposed to fold.

Yeah, he's right. You meant fold like a
cheap suit.

Whatever. All I know is I walk around
tied up in knots all day, worried what

people think about me.

But not Dennis. He just doesn't care.

Well, he sure doesn't.

No, the only thing that matters to him
is being true to himself.

Say what you will about the guy.

He's got integrity.

And extremely white hair.

What? The guy looks like he's 85 years
old.

What? You said, say what you will. I
said, what I will.

We have four senior class presidential
hopefuls all about to make their

Our first is your junior class
president, Mr. Paul Fontana.

As founder of the party, party.

I really only have one word to say here
today.

And that one word is not the word hardy.

That one word is not the word smarty.

That one word is not the name Marty.

And that one word is not my favorite
cheese, Havarti.

Because that one word, my brothers and
sisters, is party.

me your votes and I will give you a
party.

Settle down.

Settle down. Thank you.

Our next candidate is our fair
principal, Mr. Dennis Martino.

You're so pathetic.

You're pathetic.

Look, whoever you choose will be your
senior class president all next year. So

before you decide to settle for that,
let me just give you one thing to think

about. Paul Fontana has been partying it
up for 17 years. That's true.

But hey, I've been partying it up for
41.

you should definitely vote for me. I'm
your guy because I promise you I can be

twice the jackass this kid could ever
be.

Thank you.

I should like to talk about a very big
bake.

That was the most amazing thing I've
seen.

Yeah, you think? It wasn't too much
because I'm pretty sure it wasn't too

little.

What? I'm so in love with you.

I love you, too.

Well, let's get out of here.

And as you look to our right, we see the
stand where I bought a hot dog on my

very first day back in Stuckyville.
Hello, Mr. DeCulius!

All right, then.

That was mildly disturbing.

And up ahead, we move further down Main
Street.

We had the gastronomic temple known as
the pie shop, where I remember the two

-pipe club and you, I might add. All
right, that's enough already. Do you

You know, if you really want to
recapture your big move back to

should be pointing the camera at Carol.

I mean, that's a whole easy move back to
the first place, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah,

so recreate some of that then, like the
night you kissed her by the pond, the

time you burst into her classroom just
like a knight in shining armor.

Don't be ridiculous.

You don't want to be ridiculous, sitting
around twiddling your thumbs.

I'm not twiddling.

Hey, look.

He's come out of the jewelry store.

Excuse me.

Yes, what can I do for you, gentlemen?

Yes, we're interested in perhaps buying
some diamond rings.

Excellent. We have a lot of lovely
stones on hand at the moment.

That's great. Tell me something. I'm
curious. Do you sell a lot of diamonds?

Yes, sir, we do. We've been in the
diamond business for a long time. If you

could just give me... I'm sorry. I'm
sorry.

I'm just curious. Have you sold any
diamonds lately?

Yes, sir, we have.

Springtime, always busy.

All right. It's busy. All right. I'm
curious. I'm curious. Could you tell me

about the last diamond you sold? I'm
just curious.

Well, that gentleman over there just...
Second last... What?

Second last. Tell me about the second
last diamond you sold and the person who

bought it. I'm just curious.

I'm curious. Did you sell a ring to a
man named Dennis Martino?

Oh, he's a friend of yours. Yes, he just
bought an absolutely stunning ring.

Hello, Diane.

Hello, Batman.

Welcome to my realm.

Thank you.

This is... Wow.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What are you doing?

Tonight, your every footfall shall be
cushioned by rose petals.

And if I run out of rose petals...

I'm sorry for the peanuts.

Warren, you really, you really went all
out. I have never seen anything like

this. Come sit with me.

Oh,

would you care for an oyster?

Those are oysters?

Yeah, it's the kind from a can, but
they're pretty good, though.

Listen, Diane, I know things have been
kind of weird between us lately. We've

been thinking about this a lot, and I
think the best thing to do is just to

it all behind us, okay?

Me too.

I'm so glad you concur.

Do you mind losing the bandito mask?

The what?

The bandito mask.

Oh, yeah. No, no, it's totally cool.

All right.

Warren? What?

What are we... What are we doing?

We're, like, getting it on.

I'm... It feels a little forced.

Doesn't it?

Like, like we're forcing the honor.

All right, well, let's try it again.

I know what you're saying. Let's try it
again. We'll just, like, be more laissez

-faire about it.

You're right, it's not working.

How is it not working? I mean, we're
doing everything right. I got the rose

petals and the oysters.

It's my shirt, right? My shirt's not
billowy enough.

This is the billowiest shirt I could
find on such short notice, though.

I don't think it's the shirt.

Then what is it?

I don't know.

Hey, Ed.

Hey, Warren. Hey.

What's with the lace -up deal? You look
like Barney Ruffalo.

Ed, I need to be counseled in a manner
of the heart.

You sure you want my advice? I'll
probably screw you up even worse.

I know, I know, but I tried calling
Loveline, and they wouldn't put me

God, I give, like, my left leg for five
seconds of Adam Carolla's time.

Tell me what happened.

Well, I finally got together with Diane,
right? And it's just, like, terrible.

Terrible?

Terrible how?

Awkward, uncomfortable.

It's like, imagine you've got, like... A
square peg, right? You're trying to fit

into a hole, but the hole's not square.

You know, it's just like not, it's not
square. How come you and Diane are in a

birthday? Well, probably because she's
like the coolest girl I've ever met.

You know, I mean, we're totally best
friends.

Well, maybe you should stay that way.
Maybe it's just not meant to be. But

the thing. What if it is? How can I be
sure? How do you tell? I don't know, but

I'll tell you this. If it's not meant to
be, all the trying in the world isn't

going to make it work.

Well, and if it is meant to be, then it
just takes care of itself.

Well, no.

No, if it is meant to be, you've got to
do everything you can to make sure it

doesn't slip away.

Yeah?

Hello?

You're in a trance or something. Yeah,
no, I'm fine.

Jeez.

You've got to get some sleep, eh? All
right.

Man.

I'll catch you later, Ed. All right,
Warren.

Molly has tallied up all the votes. Oh,
I'm on pins and needles.

Attention,

everybody. Ms. Hudson here with the
election results.

I'm pleased to announce that your new
senior class president is Tamir Mushara.

All right.

Tamir. The first runner -up and your new
vice president is Lauren Petroski.

Good, good.

And finally, the second runner -up and
your new secretary treasurer is...

Mr. Dennis Martino. Goodbye, Paul
Fontana. Congratulations, everybody.

Thank you. You did it. Congratulations.

Nicely done. Very nicely done.

Paul, what can I do for you?

Look, Mr. Martino, I just want to, like,
say congratulations or whatever.

Thank you, Paul. Thank you. Yeah, so I
was wondering if maybe you'd consider

letting me be secretary treasurer.

Really? Yeah, since you're, like, the
principal and all, I figure you probably

have enough on your table as it is.

I see.

So you're up for that?

Uh, no.

What?

No, I'm not interested, but thanks. Come
on, man, you've made your point. You

taught me the big lesson. Now, would you
just be cool about this?

You think I did this to teach you a
lesson?

Uh, yeah.

Well, what makes you think I take you
seriously enough to want to teach you a

lesson?

No, I just did this because you pissed
me off.

And I wanted to beat you.

And now that I have, I got to tell you,
it feels pretty good.

Paul, when you start taking yourself
seriously, someone else will too.

Good luck with that.

Okay, this next poem is one of my
personal favorites. It is called The Red

Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams.

Oh, so much depends upon the red
wheelbarrow glazed with rainwater beside

white chicken.

Okay, if you can convince me that that's
a poem, I swear to God I will beat

myself unconscious with a large rock.

Okay, Mark, thank you for kicking us
off.

And you are correct to observe that the
author uses plain, ordinary language.

But that's what makes this poem so...
Lovely Guinevere!

It is I, Sir Ed!

Ed!

You've got to be kidding me.

Ed, what are you doing?

Flowers for my lady!

Have you lost your mind?

No, no. Your face is supposed to flush
with delight. Remember? Your face is

supposed to flush with delight. You
ready? So here we go again.

Ready? And... Flowers for my lady.

Bless you with delight.

Ed, do you think we could step outside,
please?

No, that comes later, but first you're
supposed to take the flowers from me and

gaze at me with desperate longing.

Desperate longing?

Right, like you did two years ago.
Remember, this is for posterity, okay?

ready? Outside, now.

One quick swoon.

Ed. Maybe not.

All right, kids, take five.

We'll be back in just a few minutes, all
right? Just work on your oohs and your

ahs. Class, I'll be back in just a few
minutes. Excuse me.

Thank you.

Ed.

Ed.

Ed, this isn't funny anymore. I'm
starting to think there's something

wrong with you. There's nothing wrong
with me. Ed. I'm working on my project.

Ed. Preserving my memories.

That's great.

I have an entire classroom full of
students back there.

That's the whole point. I have to
capture that moment just like it was two

ago. Why are you doing this?

Because that moment was one of the
greatest moments of my life, and I have

nothing to show for it. No video, no
picture, no nothing. If I don't do this,

it's gone.

It's gone.

The expunge from the records might just
as well have never happened.

That's not true.

You can hand them out for extra credit.

Ed? Mr. Schroeder, please, come in.

Have a seat.

Get this out of your way. You said you
had some good news?

Yeah, Photo Farm came back with a
different settlement offer.

How much?

Well, uh, here's the check.

See for yourself.

$20 ,000.

Well, that certainly is a lot of money.

It's not a billion, but I think it's
about as good as we're going to do.

I'm sure it is. So you'll accept?

Yes, I suppose I might as well.

Well, Mrs. Schroeder, I want you to be
satisfied. Maybe if we threaten to go

public, we can get a little... Oh, Ed,
what I lost is gone for good.

If there were anything I could do to un
-lose it, I would.

But no amount of money can bring it
back.

Anyway, thanks for taking care of this.

Of course. I'll be sending along some
papers for you to sign.

Bye, Ed. Bye, Mrs. Schroeder.

Hey. Hey.

You okay?

You guys will work this out.

You're the perfect couple, for God's
sake.

Why?

Why are we so perfect?

Why? Because he's the lovesick teenager
and you're the down -to -earth smart

girl that's been under his nose the
whole time.

Ain't exactly brain surgery.

Yeah, well, I think we might just be the
exception that proves the cliche.

You like him, don't you?

I thought I did.

But now that we're together, it's like
I'm kissing my little brother.

And he feels the same way. I know he
does.

Ah, come on. You guys have been friends
for a long time. You just gotta make the

transition.

I'm sure it's my fault.

I screwed it up somehow.

I'm the world's biggest loser.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am. No, you're not.

You're amazing.

I've always thought you were amazing.

Mike Burton, Nancy Jasinski, now Nancy
Burton, Wally Hudson, Carol Vesey.

Welcome to Stucky Bowl, the bowling
alley I purchased when I triumphantly

returned to my hometown after... Ed.
Yeah.

What is this all about? I'm documenting
my life. I want to have a record of all

this one day. Why?

Why? Well... Taking a stroll down memory
lane?

More like a stumble down an
embarrassment boulevard.

Can I join you? Yeah.

Oh.

This is the kind of thing that I want to
remember. Okay, you two. Do a little

bit more of your hilarious magic.

My dad got a bunch of his old home
movies transferred to video recently.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

A couple weeks ago, we got together to
watch them. It was kind of weird,

actually.

How so?

I'm sitting there, and suddenly there's
a shot of five -year -old Carol on the

boardwalk at the beach eating this
enormous piece of fudge.

And a strange feeling washes over me.

What kind of feeling?

I felt like part of me was still back
there at the beach.

The girl on the screen was every bit as
real as who I am today.

You know what I mean?

I'm not sure I do. No matter what
changes,

the past is always part of me.

is all well and good.

I feel I need to start working on my
future.

How are you... How are you going to...

How are you going to do that?

I don't know.

Well, my lady.

Okay. Okay. All right. Let's try that
again. Ready? I'm going to do it again.