Original subtitles

Ed? Yeah? What do you think the most delicious foodstuff known to mankind?

Grape. Grape's the most delicious foodstuff? Yep. You pop a cool

grape in your mouth, you live in large. The answer is bacon.

Bacon is the most delicious foodstuff. Please stop saying foodstuff.

So how are you feeling about the big move?

Big what?

Dennis moving in with Carol, big move.

Are they doing that? I heard they were thinking about doing that. Oh, yeah,

moving all right. Moving as in staying over a little bit more or moving as in

giving up his principal place of residence?

Ed, the man is moving as in packed with China and called the U -Haul Linda.

Linda. It's an expression.

Linda's an expression?

Ed, are you hearing me? The man is moving in with Carol.

Ed, the man is moving in with Carol.

Yeah, I know. So? So what are you going to do?

I'm not going to do anything.

You hear that whistle?

What whistle?

It's a carol train leaving the station.

When

it's

my moment in the sun Oh, how beautiful

I'll be But in a normal

You.

left the cap off the toothpaste this morning. I did? No, not really. I just

thought it would be an adorable little argument for the two of us to have.

Oh, I see. Well, I'm sick of you always leaving the toilet seat up. Nice.

But why would I leave the toilet seat up? Girls leave it down. Boys leave it

Yeah, you're right. See, I'm no good at this.

Oh, wait. You can blame me for always hogging the bathroom in the morning

I'm prettying myself up. Yeah, yeah. What's the story with that? Takes you an

hour and a half to get ready. Every single day. True. No, actually, 20

tops. I'm ready. I give up.

Oh!

Sorry, my man. My man?

How about my main man?

Could I get it done for you? How about Mr. Martino?

Fair enough. Mr. Martino it is.

I'm Mr. Fontana.

Actually, let's go with Dr.

Fontana. It'll help me out with the chicks. You know what I'm saying?

That shirt's inappropriate.

Are you kidding? This is ironic.

I don't care if it's ironic.

I don't want you wearing it in my school.

You got it.

Can you turn up the heat? It's a little frothy in here.

All set on Sidney Poitier to serve with love.

I'll call you Mr.

Tim.

Hello?

Hi, can I help you?

Are you the lawyer?

Yes, Ed Stevens. Please, come in, miss.

Mrs. Schroeder. Mrs. Schroeder, please, have a seat. What can I do for you?

You know that photo store on the corner of Bloomfield Avenue?

Photo farm? I want to sue them for one billion dollars. What happened, Mrs.

Schroeder? My husband, Ricky, he passed away six years ago.

I'm sorry.

Our 45th anniversary would have been coming up, so I decided to make some

albums for family members.

Okay. So, I took all the pictures I had of the two of us together, and I

brought them over to that photo place to be copied.

They're all gone.

What happened? They put the boxes in the wrong place or something.

And they all got thrown out.

I'm so sorry.

I don't have a single picture of my husband and me.

Truly, that's awful.

I mean, one accident and the show's over.

You're not following me, okay? I'm talking about a whole new kind of game

where a contestant could actually be killed as part of the rules.

See? You just have them sign releases.

Hi, Diane.

Hi, Mark.

Warren. Hi.

I was just finishing up at my locker.

Yeah, I'm headed over to Trig. Ah, Trigonometry.

I guess I'll see you guys around.

Yeah, yeah.

Bye,

Diane. Bye.

What in the Uncle Bob was that? I don't know. I do not know.

Is everything so crazy between us now ever since we kissed at the church?

It's been like two weeks. What have you two been doing for two weeks?

We spend the first week hemming and the second week hawing.

Has anybody seen this?

Yeah. Isn't it the punk that bumped into me in the hallway? How does a loser

like this get to run for class president? I hate to break the news to

Paul Montana is the class president.

What? Yeah. He was freshman class president. He's sophomore class

Right now he's junior class president. And if he wins this election, which he

will, He'll be senior class president. Isn't this kid just some Yahoo idiot?

Yahoo idiot?

Where have I heard that? You're thinking of Yahoo. Here he is. Right, the guy

from Young Einstein.

How does a kid like this get to be class president? Because every year he blows

away the one or two students who should be class president by going on and on

about how he's a member of the party party.

And then all the kids in the crowd make that woo -hoo noise they love so much.

Next thing you know, Paul Fontana is class president.

What the hell happened to Yahoo, Sirius?

Burton, Nancy Jasinski, now Nancy Burton, Molly Hudson, Carol Nessie. The

has finally gone between us. Ed. Yes. What is this about?

I'm documenting my life. I want to have a record of all this one day. Why?

Because one of my clients, she took all the pictures of her and her husband down

to the photo store to get them duplicated and they accidentally threw

Ouch. I know, so now she has absolutely nothing to help her remember the past.

It's unbelievably horrible.

Truly awful. Can we eat now?

Mike, be sensitive.

I'm sensitive.

Gums are sensitive is about all.

That's private.

This is exactly the kind of thing I want to remember. Okay, you guys, do some

more of your hilarious married people stuff.

Hey, Diane, are you going to the assembly?

Yeah. Cool, cool.

About the other day at the church, there was an amazing cathedral, don't you

think?

It's just like incredible architecture.

I thought the columns were particularly doric.

It's really, really doric.

I guess.

Remember when I kissed you, or... Mm -hmm.

Cool, cool.

You have something you want to say?

Me? I don't know.

Do you have something you want to say? You came over here for me. Oh, right,

You're right. No, I came over because I thought you had something you might want

to say.

Because we kissed, right?

No, we kissed once. I was thinking like I wasn't there. No, I know you were

there. I mean, obviously.

It would have been a little embarrassing if you weren't, frankly.

I would have just been kissing a strange parishioner you mentioned.

I'm going to go to the assembly. All right.

Hey, do you want to grab a burger at some point?

In the near future?

At some point, sometime.

Sure. All right, cool.

Yeah. Yeah, so I'll get...

Here's the gang of the smiling goats.

Popular watering hole in Stuckyville. How's everyone doing tonight?

There's Cal Bessie, a lady who enjoys... Dennis.

Hey, oh, there. There you are. I didn't see you there.

Uh, this is Dennis Martino.

The principal in town.

Hey, Ed. What's with the camera?

Nothing. Nothing.

Just... capturing my past.

Well, if this is the present.

Yeah, yeah, no, but today's present is tomorrow's past. I figure I better

capture what's right here in front of me before it scoots away, right?

Okay, first we have Lauren Petruski.

I'm Lauren Petruski.

And I really want to be your class president.

Premier Mushara.

Hello to you.

And Paul Fontana.

of a party party.

Because I believe in our God -given right to party!

All

right,

okay.

Thank you. That's it.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Sorry.

There is one more candidate.

Uh, me.

Yeah, that's right. I'm running for senior class president.

That's it. Thank you.

Mr. Schroeder, as the owner of Photo Farm, I can't begin to express to you

sorry we are about this unthinkable mistake that was made.

And that is why my client is prepared to offer you, as a goodwill settlement, $2

,000 plus a year's worth of free film and developing.

$2 ,000?

Plus a year's worth of free film and developing.

I don't think you two get it. You threw out this woman's past. She has nothing

to show for a 45 -year marriage.

I think you're being a little dramatic.

Her husband is gone. It's not like she can take those pictures again.

What is it you want?

In preparation for today's meeting, I wrote a number on a piece of paper.

Now you're being productive.

This is what we want.

Now you're being unproductive.

Let's just see how unproductive I am when I get up in front of the jury and I

explain to the jury that your firm threw out my client's prices irreplaceable

pictures of her late husband.

Come on, Barry.

Mrs. Schroeder, your lawyer just cost you $2 ,000.

Thank you.

Don't worry, Mr. Schroeder. They'll be back.

Uh, what the hell are you thinking?

Um, I'm thinking that I want to be senior class president.

You can't run for class president. You're not a student.

Ah, you would think that, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you think that, Miss Bessie?

I said what I really would.

But, you know something?

There's nothing in the student handbook that says you have to be a student to

run. Nothing.

Isn't that the darndest loophole? Isn't that the darndest loophole, Miss Bessie?

It really is.

Fine. What am I worried about?

You're the principal.

You think the students are going to vote for the principal?

I'm going to kick your ass.

May the best man win.

He's right, you know. They're never going to vote for you.

What do you mean? These kids love me.

No, they don't.

They hate you.

What are you going to try to hit me?

I find myself falling out of love with a seasoned curly fry.

What? Well, for all those years, we had the standard regular French fry, right?

I mean, sure, at one point they tried to introduce the crinkle cut, but that was

hardly a meaningful departure.

Yeah, and then suddenly, kaboom, they're making them seasoned, they're making

them curly.

It's like Picasso got his hands on the fry -o -lator, you know what I'm saying?

So what's the problem?

I don't know. At first they're fascinating, but now they're like,

complicated or something, you know? It's like my tongue is taking an exam.

Is there some kind of embedded analogy here that I'm supposed to figure out?

No. No, no, no.

Hey, sometimes a seasoned curly fry is just a seasoned curly fry.

Hey, are we on a date right now?

What? I can't take this anymore. I need to know if this is a date.

Do you think it's a date? I think that it might be.

Why? Because normally, you know, we fight and everything's cool, but for

reason I'm rambling on about the history of French fries and my stomach's doing

the Fandango. Is it a bad date?

Let's just determine if it's a date first, okay? Then we can figure out if

a good date or a bad date. Fine.

Let's call it a date.

Okay, then.

Okay, it's a date.

Right now, you and me are officially on a date.

So how do we figure out if it's a good date or a bad date?

I don't know.

Honey, it's gone nuts. Call the special doctors.

I'm back in Stuckyville.

Eddie. What are you doing?

Well, you know how I've been capturing everything on videotape?

Yeah, we noticed.

I decided to kick it up a notch. And what does that mean, Emeril?

Well, I decided, I realized, I gotta get the stuff I missed. So I'm reenacting

the great moments of my return to Stuckyville for posterity. Why? I mean,

they'll all be fake. Doesn't matter. I haven't documented it. I'll never forget

them. Eddie. Yeah? It's getting a little weird.

No, it's fine. Okay, so, Mike, on that day when I knocked on the door, you were

here, but Nancy, you came around the corner with Sarah. Where's Sarah?

Not gonna happen.

Okay, it's not a problem. Okay, so I burst through the door, Mike. Okay, you

might recall, you and I, we hugged and we both went, Ready?

Here we go.

Okay,

I need you to scream.

You're not really nailing it.

Oh, good. I was missing Sarah.

Young Ed? You.

I'm going to grab us a couple of extremely cold beers.

You and I are going out to the back porch for a good old -fashioned father

talk. I'm guessing I'm the son. You are correct.

Where do you park?

Just over there. Oh, I'm over there.

I'm sorry.

It's cool.

Enjoy.

Thanks for dinner. Oh, no, thank you.

Well, bye.

Okay, bye.

Okay, take care now.

I'm a little worried about you, my friend.

Me? Why?

Oh, it's videotaping, trying to recapture the past. What's the deal with

I told you, my client lost all her photos and got me thinking about my own

so... What about trying to redo the state championship foul shot? You did

before you ever met the lady who lost her photos.

That was different. We were having the basketball team reunion. What's your

point?

I'm just saying it's a lot of energy to focus on the past.

So I don't want to lose my past. What's the big deal? It's natural.

I've heard you and Nancy worry you're not taking enough pictures of Sarah.

You know, it's funny the way you say you don't want to lose your past.

Lose?

Oh, come on.

What is it, psychoanalysis time? Because if it is, I want a comfortable couch

and a really hot Swedish female doctor who tries to solve all my problems

through touch.

Fine, but there's only one thing that can make a man worry about his past, and

that's when he sees it slipping away.

And I see my past slipping away how?

A man just moves in with Carol.

You're a one -trick pony, Mike, you know that?

Which is just fine, so long as it's a good trick.

Don't forget to read Robert Herrick for tomorrow.

Go gather ye rosebuds while ye may.

Mr. Emerson.

Do you have a moment, Miss Bessie? Well, let's see.

Superintendent, teacher, I'm... I'm going to go with yes, sir.

I need you to talk to Dennis.

About? This whole crazy scheme of running for class president is causing a

problem. Why? Paul Fontana shouldn't be class president. Dennis is just doing

something about it.

Yes, but Dennis' approach is often, let's say, unconventional.

There are some parents, some board members that aren't understanding this

now, and frankly, I'm not sure you're making any friends either.

What does that mean?

It means I don't want to see anything bad come of this for either of you.

Mr. Emerson, sir, you know why the parents and board members think that

Martino is unconventional?

Because Dennis Martino is unconventional.

That's what makes him so great at his job.

Talk to him.

Please.

This isn't worth it.

John Emerson is a baby. Unfortunately, he's also the superintendent of the

school board. Yeah, well, if he still worked up about this stupid election,

didn't he come down here and deal with me directly?

Maybe he doesn't want to tangle with you. Like I said, he's a baby.

Threatening your job like you had anything to do with this. Can we have

Cokes, please? It's not my job I'm worried about. It's yours. I don't think

kidding around.

Look, if he bothers you again, just tell him.

I did everything I could to stop him, but that crazy Dennis Martino, he just

wouldn't listen.

You're not jumping out of this election, are you? No way, baby. I'm in it to win

it. Dennis.

Parents don't like it.

Let them complain.

The school board doesn't like it. Let them fire me.

There's only one thing in the world that could make me drop out of this

election. What's that?

Someone would have to step up and convince me that what I'm doing is

Do you think it's wrong?

No, I don't.

Hey, Mark.

Mark. Mark.

Baticor. Behind you.

Sorry,

man. I just... Don't think I can speak to you anymore. Wait, wait, wait. What?

Ever since you told me about that forehead kiss, I have no idea what to

you. All right. Ha, ha. Come on. Cut it out. Just being honest. I mean, how can

I relate to you after that?

I mean, I can pretend I understand you, but I don't. Hey, listen. I didn't know

if she wanted me to kiss her or not, okay?

I was attempting a romantic compromise.

Romantic compromise? Yes.

One worthy of King Solomon himself.

You screwed up, Cheswick. I know.

No, okay?

I screwed up. This Diane thing isn't exactly running smoothly.

I'm floundering here. I'm floundering.

Yeah, you sure are. So what do I do? What am I supposed to do now?

I don't know, but it better be amazing.

What? Ew.

Good luck, buddy.

Amazing how?

Hey, come on. Don't abandon me like this.

Hey, guys.

Hi. Hey, where's Dennis?

Believe it or not, he went home to prepare for the big presidential debate.

Oh, God, you couldn't talk him out of that? No, I couldn't, and you know, I'm

glad. What do you mean?

Well, I think that it's good that he's sticking to his convictions. It shows

real strength, you know? Mm -hmm. I mean, if it was me, I would have, I

know, folded like a cheap pup tent.

Folded like a pup tent.

That's what I said.

You said folded like a cheap pup tent.

Pup tent doesn't have to be cheap to fold. They're supposed to fold.

Yeah, he's right. You meant fold like a cheap suit.

Whatever. All I know is I walk around tied up in knots all day, worried what

people think about me.

But not Dennis. He just doesn't care.

Well, he sure doesn't.

No, the only thing that matters to him is being true to himself.

Say what you will about the guy.

He's got integrity.

And extremely white hair.

What? The guy looks like he's 85 years old.

What? You said, say what you will. I said, what I will.

We have four senior class presidential hopefuls all about to make their

Our first is your junior class president, Mr. Paul Fontana.

As founder of the party, party.

I really only have one word to say here today.

And that one word is not the word hardy.

That one word is not the word smarty.

That one word is not the name Marty.

And that one word is not my favorite cheese, Havarti.

Because that one word, my brothers and sisters, is party.

me your votes and I will give you a party.

Settle down.

Settle down. Thank you.

Our next candidate is our fair principal, Mr. Dennis Martino.

You're so pathetic.

You're pathetic.

Look, whoever you choose will be your senior class president all next year. So

before you decide to settle for that, let me just give you one thing to think

about. Paul Fontana has been partying it up for 17 years. That's true.

But hey, I've been partying it up for 41.

you should definitely vote for me. I'm your guy because I promise you I can be

twice the jackass this kid could ever be.

Thank you.

I should like to talk about a very big bake.

That was the most amazing thing I've seen.

Yeah, you think? It wasn't too much because I'm pretty sure it wasn't too

little.

What? I'm so in love with you.

I love you, too.

Well, let's get out of here.

And as you look to our right, we see the stand where I bought a hot dog on my

very first day back in Stuckyville. Hello, Mr. DeCulius!

All right, then.

That was mildly disturbing.

And up ahead, we move further down Main Street.

We had the gastronomic temple known as the pie shop, where I remember the two

-pipe club and you, I might add. All right, that's enough already. Do you

You know, if you really want to recapture your big move back to

should be pointing the camera at Carol.

I mean, that's a whole easy move back to the first place, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah,

so recreate some of that then, like the night you kissed her by the pond, the

time you burst into her classroom just like a knight in shining armor.

Don't be ridiculous.

You don't want to be ridiculous, sitting around twiddling your thumbs.

I'm not twiddling.

Hey, look.

He's come out of the jewelry store.

Excuse me.

Yes, what can I do for you, gentlemen?

Yes, we're interested in perhaps buying some diamond rings.

Excellent. We have a lot of lovely stones on hand at the moment.

That's great. Tell me something. I'm curious. Do you sell a lot of diamonds?

Yes, sir, we do. We've been in the diamond business for a long time. If you

could just give me... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm just curious. Have you sold any diamonds lately?

Yes, sir, we have.

Springtime, always busy.

All right. It's busy. All right. I'm curious. I'm curious. Could you tell me

about the last diamond you sold? I'm just curious.

Well, that gentleman over there just... Second last... What?

Second last. Tell me about the second last diamond you sold and the person who

bought it. I'm just curious.

I'm curious. Did you sell a ring to a man named Dennis Martino?

Oh, he's a friend of yours. Yes, he just bought an absolutely stunning ring.

Hello, Diane.

Hello, Batman.

Welcome to my realm.

Thank you.

This is... Wow.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What are you doing?

Tonight, your every footfall shall be cushioned by rose petals.

And if I run out of rose petals...

I'm sorry for the peanuts.

Warren, you really, you really went all out. I have never seen anything like

this. Come sit with me.

Oh,

would you care for an oyster?

Those are oysters?

Yeah, it's the kind from a can, but they're pretty good, though.

Listen, Diane, I know things have been kind of weird between us lately. We've

been thinking about this a lot, and I think the best thing to do is just to

it all behind us, okay?

Me too.

I'm so glad you concur.

Do you mind losing the bandito mask?

The what?

The bandito mask.

Oh, yeah. No, no, it's totally cool.

All right.

Warren? What?

What are we... What are we doing?

We're, like, getting it on.

I'm... It feels a little forced.

Doesn't it?

Like, like we're forcing the honor.

All right, well, let's try it again.

I know what you're saying. Let's try it again. We'll just, like, be more laissez

-faire about it.

You're right, it's not working.

How is it not working? I mean, we're doing everything right. I got the rose

petals and the oysters.

It's my shirt, right? My shirt's not billowy enough.

This is the billowiest shirt I could find on such short notice, though.

I don't think it's the shirt.

Then what is it?

I don't know.

Hey, Ed.

Hey, Warren. Hey.

What's with the lace -up deal? You look like Barney Ruffalo.

Ed, I need to be counseled in a manner of the heart.

You sure you want my advice? I'll probably screw you up even worse.

I know, I know, but I tried calling Loveline, and they wouldn't put me

God, I give, like, my left leg for five seconds of Adam Carolla's time.

Tell me what happened.

Well, I finally got together with Diane, right? And it's just, like, terrible.

Terrible?

Terrible how?

Awkward, uncomfortable.

It's like, imagine you've got, like... A square peg, right? You're trying to fit

into a hole, but the hole's not square.

You know, it's just like not, it's not square. How come you and Diane are in a

birthday? Well, probably because she's like the coolest girl I've ever met.

You know, I mean, we're totally best friends.

Well, maybe you should stay that way. Maybe it's just not meant to be. But

the thing. What if it is? How can I be sure? How do you tell? I don't know, but

I'll tell you this. If it's not meant to be, all the trying in the world isn't

going to make it work.

Well, and if it is meant to be, then it just takes care of itself.

Well, no.

No, if it is meant to be, you've got to do everything you can to make sure it

doesn't slip away.

Yeah?

Hello?

You're in a trance or something. Yeah, no, I'm fine.

Jeez.

You've got to get some sleep, eh? All right.

Man.

I'll catch you later, Ed. All right, Warren.

Molly has tallied up all the votes. Oh, I'm on pins and needles.

Attention,

everybody. Ms. Hudson here with the election results.

I'm pleased to announce that your new senior class president is Tamir Mushara.

All right.

Tamir. The first runner -up and your new vice president is Lauren Petroski.

Good, good.

And finally, the second runner -up and your new secretary treasurer is...

Mr. Dennis Martino. Goodbye, Paul Fontana. Congratulations, everybody.

Thank you. You did it. Congratulations.

Nicely done. Very nicely done.

Paul, what can I do for you?

Look, Mr. Martino, I just want to, like, say congratulations or whatever.

Thank you, Paul. Thank you. Yeah, so I was wondering if maybe you'd consider

letting me be secretary treasurer.

Really? Yeah, since you're, like, the principal and all, I figure you probably

have enough on your table as it is.

I see.

So you're up for that?

Uh, no.

What?

No, I'm not interested, but thanks. Come on, man, you've made your point. You

taught me the big lesson. Now, would you just be cool about this?

You think I did this to teach you a lesson?

Uh, yeah.

Well, what makes you think I take you seriously enough to want to teach you a

lesson?

No, I just did this because you pissed me off.

And I wanted to beat you.

And now that I have, I got to tell you, it feels pretty good.

Paul, when you start taking yourself seriously, someone else will too.

Good luck with that.

Okay, this next poem is one of my personal favorites. It is called The Red

Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams.

Oh, so much depends upon the red wheelbarrow glazed with rainwater beside

white chicken.

Okay, if you can convince me that that's a poem, I swear to God I will beat

myself unconscious with a large rock.

Okay, Mark, thank you for kicking us off.

And you are correct to observe that the author uses plain, ordinary language.

But that's what makes this poem so... Lovely Guinevere!

It is I, Sir Ed!

Ed!

You've got to be kidding me.

Ed, what are you doing?

Flowers for my lady!

Have you lost your mind?

No, no. Your face is supposed to flush with delight. Remember? Your face is

supposed to flush with delight. You ready? So here we go again.

Ready? And... Flowers for my lady.

Bless you with delight.

Ed, do you think we could step outside, please?

No, that comes later, but first you're supposed to take the flowers from me and

gaze at me with desperate longing.

Desperate longing?

Right, like you did two years ago. Remember, this is for posterity, okay?

ready? Outside, now.

One quick swoon.

Ed. Maybe not.

All right, kids, take five.

We'll be back in just a few minutes, all right? Just work on your oohs and your

ahs. Class, I'll be back in just a few minutes. Excuse me.

Thank you.

Ed.

Ed.

Ed, this isn't funny anymore. I'm starting to think there's something

wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with me. Ed. I'm working on my project.

Ed. Preserving my memories.

That's great.

I have an entire classroom full of students back there.

That's the whole point. I have to capture that moment just like it was two

ago. Why are you doing this?

Because that moment was one of the greatest moments of my life, and I have

nothing to show for it. No video, no picture, no nothing. If I don't do this,

it's gone.

It's gone.

The expunge from the records might just as well have never happened.

That's not true.

You can hand them out for extra credit.

Ed? Mr. Schroeder, please, come in.

Have a seat.

Get this out of your way. You said you had some good news?

Yeah, Photo Farm came back with a different settlement offer.

How much?

Well, uh, here's the check.

See for yourself.

$20 ,000.

Well, that certainly is a lot of money.

It's not a billion, but I think it's about as good as we're going to do.

I'm sure it is. So you'll accept?

Yes, I suppose I might as well.

Well, Mrs. Schroeder, I want you to be satisfied. Maybe if we threaten to go

public, we can get a little... Oh, Ed, what I lost is gone for good.

If there were anything I could do to un -lose it, I would.

But no amount of money can bring it back.

Anyway, thanks for taking care of this.

Of course. I'll be sending along some papers for you to sign.

Bye, Ed. Bye, Mrs. Schroeder.

Hey. Hey.

You okay?

You guys will work this out.

You're the perfect couple, for God's sake.

Why?

Why are we so perfect?

Why? Because he's the lovesick teenager and you're the down -to -earth smart

girl that's been under his nose the whole time.

Ain't exactly brain surgery.

Yeah, well, I think we might just be the exception that proves the cliche.

You like him, don't you?

I thought I did.

But now that we're together, it's like I'm kissing my little brother.

And he feels the same way. I know he does.

Ah, come on. You guys have been friends for a long time. You just gotta make the

transition.

I'm sure it's my fault.

I screwed it up somehow.

I'm the world's biggest loser.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am. No, you're not.

You're amazing.

I've always thought you were amazing.

Mike Burton, Nancy Jasinski, now Nancy Burton, Wally Hudson, Carol Vesey.

Welcome to Stucky Bowl, the bowling alley I purchased when I triumphantly

returned to my hometown after... Ed. Yeah.

What is this all about? I'm documenting my life. I want to have a record of all

this one day. Why?

Why? Well... Taking a stroll down memory lane?

More like a stumble down an embarrassment boulevard.

Can I join you? Yeah.

Oh.

This is the kind of thing that I want to remember. Okay, you two. Do a little

bit more of your hilarious magic.

My dad got a bunch of his old home movies transferred to video recently.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

A couple weeks ago, we got together to watch them. It was kind of weird,

actually.

How so?

I'm sitting there, and suddenly there's a shot of five -year -old Carol on the

boardwalk at the beach eating this enormous piece of fudge.

And a strange feeling washes over me.

What kind of feeling?

I felt like part of me was still back there at the beach.

The girl on the screen was every bit as real as who I am today.

You know what I mean?

I'm not sure I do. No matter what changes,

the past is always part of me.

is all well and good.

I feel I need to start working on my future.

How are you... How are you going to...

How are you going to do that?

I don't know.

Well, my lady.

Okay. Okay. All right. Let's try that again. Ready? I'm going to do it again.

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