Original subtitles

Um, I'm pretty sure that Roy Rogers died a few years ago. Phil thinks it was a

hoax. Why would Roy Rogers fake his own death?

Free hype for the fast food chain.

Seriously, you don't have to stay at a hotel.

No, that's ridiculous.

You wouldn't. You wouldn't.

You wouldn't. You wouldn't be inconveniencing me.

No, it's fine. I got plenty. I got plenty. I'm fine. Do whatever you want.

Yes, I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

Who's that?

My brother Lloyd, he's coming to visit. Wow, I finally get to meet the

mysterious Lloyd Stevens. Looks that way.

Chief, I didn't know you had a brother. Yeah, we're not really close these days,

Kenny. Where does he live?

What does he do? He's been staying with a friend in Milwaukee. As to what he

does, never entirely clear.

Is Lloyd the black sheep of the Stevens family?

No, no, no. Lloyd's a great guy.

So why is he coming? Just to visit?

Lloyd is never just to visit.

The black sheep of my family is my cousin Gary. They don't film actor.

Is that right?

He's best known for his role in the X -rated version of Welcome Back, Cotter.

He was Horschak.

Let's go. We're going to be late. Hold on. Let me just finish this page.

I'll never understand how you can enjoy reading. What?

I'm proud to say I've only read one book for pleasure, Valley of the Dolls by

Jacqueline Suzanne.

And you're proud of this.

Why? Hey, you guys, are you guys doing anything tomorrow night?

No. I'm never doing anything tomorrow night.

Yeah, well, now you are.

Rage till the break of dawn at Phi Sigma Delta House?

What is this, a fraternity party?

Yes, at Glenmark College. It's going to be awesome.

Oh, this is for Phi Sigma Delta members only, and they're bad.

Well, where there's a will, there's a way.

But there's not a will.

Look, come on, picture it. College women, they're hot, they're

they got big brr.

Plus, they're mentally advanced enough to appreciate us, you know? Now, picture

yourself surrounded by future Einsteins.

Einsteins, this is Glenmark College. You can major in refrigeration. So who's

in? Okay, I'll go.

Yeah. You boys have fun. Oh, no, come on, Diane.

Please.

I'm going to spare myself this time.

Oh, hey, wait, wait.

Do you think we should wear togas?

Is it a toga party?

Yeah. Then probably not.

Hey, Lloyd.

Come here, you crazy bastard.

Look at you. You look good.

Thanks, thanks. You too. Thanks.

Hey, Lloyd, I want you to meet Kenny and Shirley. Guys, this is my brother,

Lloyd. Shirley, it's a pleasure.

Kenny, it's nice to meet you.

So, is this guy taking care of you okay? Is he paying you enough? You get dental

here? Oh, yeah. It's a great boss.

What's the matter?

You two look nothing alike.

Yeah, we get that. Yeah, I know. I know. I know. When he was eight, I convinced

him he was adopted. I haven't gone for like a week. Two months, actually.

so full of crap.

Man, this place is incredible. Are you going to give me a tour or are we just

going to stand here? Yeah, sure. Come on.

Nice fella.

He's like a big, friendly, talking sheepdog.

This used to be the old pro shop, you might remember. So we turned it into my

law office.

Smart. This is really smart. Ed, this is great. Seriously, this is so great. I'm

proud of you.

So, uh, what have you been up to, you know, work -wise?

You know, a bunch of things. I got lots of projects going on. Like what?

Well, I got a communications sort of networking type idea that I just got to

find the right company to sell it to, which is tricky in today's market, but

it'll happen. It's a very strong idea.

So, how about you? How's business?

Pretty good, actually. I've been having fun.

Yeah? Your love life? Anybody I ought to know about? Not at the moment.

That's crazy!

You should be surrounded by ladies. You've got the perfect looks for a guy.

No, seriously.

You're handsome, but not too handsome. A guy doesn't want to be a ten, you know.

A guy wants to be like a solid seven.

Anything above a seven starts to raise more questions than it answers.

So, Lloyd.

Yeah.

Why are you here?

What do you mean, why am I here? I'm here to see you. What, I need a reason?

Come on, Lloyd. What do you want?

What do you mean, what do I want?

You assume because I'm here I must have some kind of ulterior motive? Is that

what you think of me, Ed? No, it is. That's what you think about me. That's

great, Ed. It's not like it hasn't happened before. I forget it.

It's a real pleasure, Ed. It was lovely visiting you. You leaving? Now you're

leaving now? I'm going to go check into the hotel.

See ya.

At last she awakens.

I didn't remember you coming to bed last night.

I was up till three.

Sarah? I never even heard her.

No, it wasn't with Sarah. I was chatting online.

That Billy Joel website again?

Yeah. I don't understand how you can spend so much time typing back and forth

those Internet keys.

Okay, you're making what I'm about to tell you even more embarrassing. What's

that? Well, I kind of invited some of the area members over for a party.

Are you serious?

I know it sounds a little weird, but...

You and I are always hanging out in the same group, and I made really good

friends with some of the people on the website, so I just thought it'd be kind

of fun to meet in person.

Ask me the L pages, would you, honey?

Why? I want to start looking for one of those cult deprogrammers. Oh, you're

insane.

You may be right.

I may be crazy.

But I just may be a lunatic.

Okay.

Your Honor, the plaintiff has failed to present a shred of compelling evidence.

There's no case here. My client's been inconvenienced enough. I move this case

be dismissed immediately.

I have to concur, Mr. Stevens.

Motion granted.

Case dismissed.

Thank you, Your Honor.

You're welcome, sir.

Be good.

That's so cool. Not a shred of compelling evidence. Where'd you get

brief? Yeah, maybe. I still can't believe you're a lawyer, my little

I mean, I just, I mean, I could never do that. You just, you impress the hell

out of me. Come on.

Let's get some lunch. Okay.

You know, you sure picked a great time to buy a bowling alley.

How's that? I mean, every magazine, every newspaper, right? There's

about bowling. Bowling's back, bowling's hot again. I mean, people aren't going

clubbing anymore. They're going bowling. Uh -huh.

I mean, those bowling alleys, though, they're different than Stucky Bowl.

I mean, they've got cutting -edge sound systems, sexy lighting, fancy drinks.

It's like a nightclub packed with celebrities.

Really? Yeah. You know, if we were to take Stucky Bowl and, you know, just do

little work on it... I knew it.

You knew what?

I was right.

You didn't come to visit. You came to sell me on the big bowling alley

idea. Ed, it's a solid gold idea. I bet we can double your profits in a year,

not to mention we can franchise these babies all over the country. Lloyd, no.

Ed, Ed, Ed.

Look, look, look, look. Look at this. Look at this.

Here's Bruce Willis celebrating his birthday at Lane's Deluxe in Los

Here's Minnie Driver bowling.

Here's George Stephanopoulos bowling.

Here's Crispin Glover. It's Danny Glover.

Whatever. He's bowling.

It's a phenomenon.

Lloyd, no. I'm not going to get sucked in again, okay? You've had a million of

these ideas. You think I'm incapable of having a good idea? You've never once

followed through on any of them. The laundry website, the radio -controlled

fishing boat, the bathroom hot dog vendor, the left -handed pitching

All right, all right, all right. But this is different.

How?

I've changed.

I'm not that guy anymore. I can make this happen.

Give me a chance.

Why can't you just get a regular job like a normal person? Why does it always

have to be the big plan?

I'm 40 years old.

What do you mean, work in a shoe store?

I need a home run here.

I'm sorry, Lloyd. I gotta say no this time.

Okay.

Let's go to lunch.

Yeah.

So, uh, Mr. Martin, how long have you been into Billy Joel?

I'd say the obsession started in 1982 when he came out with Nylon Curtain. Uh

-huh. I heard the song Allentown and I was hooked for life.

Nothing to knock me.

Bottle of red? Bottle of white.

Red, please.

Oh, excuse me. Enjoy.

Hello.

Hi. Nancy?

Yeah.

Stevie Walters.

Expecting someone older?

Well, yes, actually. From all our chats, I assumed you were at least 30 or so.

Well, I'm not, but I plan to be at some point.

Do your parents know that you're here?

Oh, yeah, they're fine with it. I rode my bike over. I only live about 10

away. Great. That's great. Well, come on in.

Hey, isn't it weird that we're such good friends and we've never even met till

now?

Totally clear.

And your brother is adorable.

I know. He's so sweet.

That he is. Oh, hey, all right, Molly, you're up. It's a magic baby.

I'm trying.

Floyd, do you like living in Milwaukee?

Oh, yeah, it's all right. I've been thinking about moving on, though.

Where to?

Well, I was thinking about moving here and doing this great business idea with

Abby. He doesn't want it, so. What's the idea?

It's just, uh, boy. nightclub franchise thing a huge potential payoff with very

little effort total head of the curve ride the culture wave idea that is so

funny because i was just reading this big article about how bowling is

cool again exactly exactly except for ed thinks it's a terrible idea i didn't

say that i hate the idea but that's okay i don't hate the idea oh yeah you love

the idea it's just that you're busy doing something else hey i was gonna get

some hot dogs anybody want some hot dogs

It actually sounds like a pretty good idea.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, that's not the point. Oh, Ed, this doesn't seem like you.

Don't you want to give your brother a break? Ma, it's more complicated than

that. There's history there. Yeah, but he seems like such a good guy.

He is. He's a good... Look, I love the man, okay, but we got issues and he

hasn't exactly earned my trust.

Everybody deserves a second chance.

What about a fifth chance and a seventh chance? At what point does a person stop

deserving chances?

A person or your brother?

Hey, I forgot to find out what you guys want on your hot dogs. Wait, hold on,

Molly. Let me guess. Uh, mustard onions?

Oh, mustard and sauerkraut. Oh, so close.

All right, let's do it.

What? Bolognese nightclub thing. Let's do it.

Seriously? Yeah, but the first time... Woo -hoo!

The first time I see you, you're not taking it seriously. No, no, no, I

I promise. I promise. Don't worry about it, buddy. I swear to God I'll take care

of it.

Come on.

Hug your brother. I mean it. I mean it, Lloyd. Hug your brother.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on, hug your brother.

Put it behind that spot.

You're really going to bring that in? Don't worry.

Holy crap.

What? That's my collegiate hipster look.

Oh, shoot.

Huh?

Look at this place.

This is going to take such a huge quantity of ass.

You're breaking her heart. You know that, right? Who?

Diane. She's totally in love with you. Oh, come on. She's not.

You've got the perfect girl right in front of you. And what do you do? You

Jessica Martel. Now it's college girls. Women. College women. See, at this age,

they fancy themselves women. Who cares? Why can't you see what's right in front

of your face? Enough, right? I get it. I've seen some kind of wonderful.

So why don't you go for it? No, no. It would never work.

Dianne Snyder's a cynic. Warren Shethwick is a dreamer. Warren Shethwick

jackass. Hey, how you ladies doing tonight?

I'm Warren, this is my boy Mark.

I'm Carrie.

Are you guys bi -sick?

Yep, bi -sickiest.

I haven't seen you around.

Oh, we're visiting from Nel -Pledon University.

Oh, cool.

Yeah. You like it there? We love it.

Don't we, buddy? Sure, except for the freshman 15, but hey, what can you do?

guys. Yeah.

Counting the seconds.

We're entering the gates of heaven.

Going to see Carrie.

Can I help you, gentlemen? Yes, you can, brother man. I am brothers Jeswick and

Vanacore from Notre Dame.

Ah, yeah. Notre Dame doesn't have fraternities.

Correction. They didn't used to have fraternities.

These days, we're greaker than the Lenny Canacariti.

You better show me the secret handshake, then.

Secret handshake?

Come on.

Can a brother get some respect around here?

All right, all right.

Why aren't you doing anything?

Why aren't you doing it?

Take two to tango. All right, you guys better take off. No, no, no. Okay, wait,

wait, wait. I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. Put her there.

That was so not even close.

Sure it is. We should talk about it. That's how we do it in Indiana.

It's probably different. It's probably one of those cultural differences

Like, you know, in England how there's different dialects depending on where

are. Like, it's like the Korkniaks and then the Liverpudlian and then... Screw

off.

Who's next?

Let's go, Chaz. But Carrie's in there.

She'd just have to pine away. She's waiting for me, though. Wait, Carrie!

mother, Sherry.

This is Nancy Burton, the woman I told you about.

Nice to meet you. You have a terrific son.

Very, very bright.

Well, he says a lot of great things about you.

So, Nancy, what are you up to?

Not much. Just doing some shopping. Maybe have a little lunch.

Lunch?

You know, I'm feeling a little peckish myself.

Mind if I join you?

You know, actually, I should probably be getting home.

Come on. You've got time for lunch.

I feel like I barely got to talk to you at the party.

So you don't mind? Oh, of course not.

Hmm.

Let's go, Nancy.

Smiling goat all right with you?

Uh, yeah. Sure.

See you later.

Nice to meet you, Nancy.

Bye.

So, the goat back in, shall we?

Come on, Eddie.

Is this great or what?

It's definitely coming along. Coming along? It's going to be like the Taj

The Taj Mahal, am I right?

Hey, how's your sister feeling?

Much better. Thank you, Mr. Steele. Oh, please, Lloyd. You need any help, you

let me know. I'm serious about that. Thank you very much.

How do you know about his... I mean, you just met the guy like a day ago. Jorge?

Hey, he's a good man.

Grandfather was a contract bridge champion back in Bolivia. Gabe, easy

bad wrist, okay, buddy?

How do you know he's... Come on, I got a surprise for you. Surprise? What kind

of surprise? Will you relax?

You got the constitution of a titmouse, you know that?

What? Come on, Eddie!

Unbelievable.

If you ask me, the best thing about cable TV these days is that Nigella

Have you seen her cooking show?

Oh, you have to check it out.

She's this gorgeous, voluptuous English woman, and she has this amazing earthy

sensuality.

I mean, I'm not much of a foodie, but this woman could make good TV out of

anything.

Nancy, are you okay?

I'm sorry. It's just you're so talkative online. I didn't expect you to be shy

in person.

Nancy! Hi.

Please, join us.

All right.

You smell great.

Is that Issey Miyake?

Yes. My uncle imports perfume.

I've been around this stuff all my life.

So, what are you gals like for starters?

I'm a wings guy.

I noticed here, Lloyd, there's a drop cloth covering my Stucky Ball sign.

Very astute, Commander Obvious.

Okay, fellas.

You changed the name of my bowling alley.

Ah, come on, Eddie. Stucky Bowl?

Really? Stucky Bowl? I mean, that's the kind of name a 60 -year -old guy would

come up with.

Watch this. This is my favorite part.

All right, it's daylight, so you have to use your imagination.

But these are moving beams of light crossing year and year like the movies,

and forth, creating excitement.

How much does the sign cost?

Huh? The sign, Lloyd. How much?

You ever see a guy catch one of those big, giant marlins?

The ones that sail over the front of the boat?

Whoa!

You don't see that guy quibbling over the price of worms, do you? You don't

catch mono with worms. That's my point exactly.

We're landing the big stuff, Eddie.

We can't be satisfied with worms. We're big picture guys now. How much?

For the sign?

$1 ,100.

You spent $1 ,100 on a sign?

Well, about. A tax, some transfer fees or something.

I don't know. Call it $1 ,600.

$1 ,600? Lloyd!

All right, all in, $1 ,850.

Net, net, net.

$1 ,850.

Seed money? We're talking seed money, Eddie. You can't get a big, beautiful

fruit tree without seeds, can you?

Come on!

We're planting an orchard here.

Pretty soon we're going to be sitting back eating oranges the size of

cantaloupes.

You love cantaloupes, since you're a baby.

Oh, Eddie, I thought you'd be happy!

Johnny!

Yeah, tell Ms. Meadow and Ms. Goodman I'll drop the wills and have the whole

estate plan reviewed by the end of the week.

Great.

Okay.

Look at you.

I can't believe you know how to do that. Where'd you learn how to do that? You

know, I could never do that.

You're not so upset about the signer, eh?

Because I apologize for that.

All right, what can I do?

I'll cut off my pinky.

I'll do it.

I'm gonna cut off my pinky.

You want me to cut off my pinky? Because if it'll make you feel better, I'll cut

off my pinky.

Okay, cut off your pinky.

You got it.

I'm cutting off my pinky.

Goodbye, Mr.

Pinky.

The liquor guy's going to be here in a minute.

You're not normal. You're not normal. You know that. Yeah, well, you got the

lawyer gene. I got the weird gene. Be thankful.

Thanks.

Man, if we could have just gotten to that party, I swear all my problems in

would be totally solved.

Please. I'm serious.

Oh, great. Here comes Diane.

If you really want to solve your problems, that's where you ought to be

Will you stop it with that please?

And all Diane and I do is fight.

Hate, love.

Such a delicate line between the two.

Sorry, did you say tween? You got a problem with it? No, no, fancy boy,

that's... Oh, hey, Carrie.

Hey.

I was just thinking about you. It's Carrie.

Oh, hey, guys.

Missed you inside the party the other night.

What happened?

Oh, yeah, I decided to go down to the Home Depot.

Like, buy...

Crap load of lumber.

What? I enjoy, like, building giant things out of wood.

It helps me focus.

You're not a five -fig, are you? No.

There's a party there next Friday night.

Meet me outside at seven.

You can get in with me.

Seriously? Mm -hmm.

Sweet. Yeah, cool.

Bye. Bye.

Well, who let the dogs out?

Thanks for waiting for me, you mouth breathers. Hello to you, too.

Please don't reach.

Pass it.

Just love watching you two in action.

So the price per case of domestic beer is what? Right there on the sheet, $18 a

case. If we were to buy a lot, what could you do for us?

$18 a case is really the best I could do. If I were to buy 100 cases, it would

still be $18 a case?

This is all priceless. We don't negotiate.

How about a billion cases? You're telling me if I were to buy one billion

of beer, it was at what? I'm asking the man a question.

I really can't negotiate.

$18 for a case of beer is pretty good.

Could you excuse us for just a second?

Excuse us.

Why not? Man's being ridiculous.

He's not being ridiculous. He said they don't negotiate. There's a warehouse

full of beer. The guy's job is to sell it. At $18 a case. Ideally. But beer

doesn't last forever. It goes bad.

So shouldn't he sell it at a lesser price rather than have it go bad? He

the price of the beer is $18 a case. Man's got a warehouse full of beer. He

should gladly sell it at $18 a case. There's beer, right? Right. Sit in a

warehouse. Man's job is to sell it. Yes, at a price of $18 a case. No, no, no,

no, no.

Don't. Do not say it.

Don't. You've been stubborn like this your whole life.

Look, there's certain things in this world that I know, Ed.

Yeah, yeah, you went to college, became a big -shot lawyer, but I know people.

That guy out there, he's here to sell beer, and as long as he wants to sell

beer, the price is negotiable. Okay, it's negotiable. All right. As long as

$18 a case. You're an ass.

Just stay out of this one, genius.

All right, Jack, where were we?

Sorry I'm late. I got tied up at the bank.

The bank?

You do banking?

I have a paper route.

Once a week, I deposit my earnings in a passbook savings account.

Oh, I see.

So, what looks good?

Listen, Stevie, can we, you know, talk about something?

Sure, what?

I know your parents are cool with this. I'm just having a little trouble with

these get -togethers.

Why?

When I was a little girl, I had this enormous crush on my barber.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Time out. Hold the phone.

I do not have a crush on you. You don't?

For one thing, I'm seeing someone.

For another, you're not exactly my type. And finally, and most importantly,

you're like three times my age.

Well, really more like twice or two and a half, maybe 2 .3, maybe.

I don't see what's so hard to understand about this.

You and I have enjoyed a healthy exchange of ideas over the Internet for

a year, right?

Right. So I'm 13.

Big deal. Get over it.

What's the difference between being friends in person versus over the

No, right.

Right, you're right. I'm sorry.

Yeah. All right, let's eat.

Sure, let's just eat.

Sounds great.

Oh, last night I stumbled across One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest on TNT.

That is Milos Forman at the top of his game, don't you think?

I'm sorry.

I can't do this. It's too strange.

I'm sorry.

Can I get the Cobb salad?

Oh, excuse me, gentlemen. Sorry.

How was the big game?

Fantastic.

Heisman, trophy, Dallas Cowboys, Super Bowl cheerleaders, new Rockne, Jim

Thorpe, win one for the Gifford. Okay, then.

You be safe now. You party smart, boys.

Oh,

hey, Carrie.

You're looking awfully fetching this fine eve.

Thank you. You're looking quite fetching yourself.

I recently switched to a whitening toothpick.

Come on. Let's go inside.

Okay.

Hey, Carrie. How you doing?

Hi. Good to see you.

Good to see you.

He's with me.

Step aside.

All right.

Oh,

wow.

Oh, my gosh.

What do you think? I think it looks awesome.

How come you're not starting until 10? Oh, you know, creating a little demand

first night.

Hey, Ed, you hear that? They think it's great. Yeah. Yeah.

What about you? What do you think?

No, it's amazing.

I hope people show up. You know, we're in pretty deep here. Oh, they'll show

They'll show up. How about you ladies? Can I get you a couple of icy cold

Sure.

By the way, Ed, I can't remember.

How much do we pay for the beer?

Here we go. What?

Oh, come on, Ed. You can always remember things better than me. You can do

everything better than me. What was it again? The price per case?

$12 .50. $12 .50?

Possibly about $12 .50, because I distinctly remember you saying that the

salesman price of $18 was absolutely non -negotiable. This is going to go on for

a while.

Even though I said it was negotiable. Probably days, really. Oh, I'm enjoying

it. It's good to know you can still learn a little something from your older

brother. Before you get too cocky, let's just hope people show up.

Trust me, one hour from now, this place will be jumping.

I just hope we don't run out of our $12 .50 per case beer.

Do a check now. Not yet. 12 minutes to 10. This is ridiculous. There could be

thousands of people out there.

Or none.

I can't take this anymore. I'm going to check. No, it's bad luck.

Don't find him, Molly. You're talking to a man who won't fly unless he's wearing

his lucky socks.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time.

Shall we let them in?

After you, Mr. Seaver. Thank you, Mr. Seaver. They all laughed at Christopher

Columbus when he said the world was round.

They all laughed when Edison recorded sound.

They all laughed at Wilbur and his brother when they said that man could

They told my Coney, wireless was a phony.

It's the same old cry.

They laughed at me wanting you.

Said it would be hello, goodbye.

But oh, you came through.

Now they're eating humble pie.

They all said we'd never get together.

Darling, let's take a bow.

Are you having fun?

Yeah, great.

Hey, you want to see something cool?

Really?

Yeah, okay. When you say cool, is that like my cousin Nate is double joining?

does this thing with his thumb where it sort of like wraps around his... Be

cool, be cool, be cool.

Nice working with you, chaplain.

All right.

There we go.

It's interesting. It's like we're at our own private smaller party right within

the bigger... It's fascinating stuff.

You know what I thought would be fun?

Bartizi?

No. No?

Yeah, because as board games go, that's a real doozy. Invented in India, I

think. Did you know that?

My head is full of useless information the same way I know that Charles Darwin

was born the same day as Abraham Lincoln.

I'm also a big fan of Crazy Eights.

I was thinking we could play Spin the Bottle.

It's another timeless classic.

With just two players, it presents quite an intriguing probability conundrum,

though, because normally, you know, in that game, there's a random element, but

that's being somewhat reduced here just to do this.

Are you marrying me?

It's your turn to spin.

I really think you're the one.

I gotta hand it to you, Lloyd. You did it.

Yeah, I did, didn't I?

You did.

We gotta franchise this son of a bitch.

Yeah, let's take it slowly, all right? Just take it slow. It's just one night.

Let's take it slow. Oh, yeah.

Steady, Eddie. Always conservative.

You have your way. I have mine.

Remember that day at Wilson's school when I talked you out of riding a bike

because no one else could?

Yeah.

Because I understood you.

I need just what to say to get you to balance.

I'm good at some things, right?

There's some things in this world no one is as good at as you.

Get out of here.

We've got a meeting with the advertising guy tomorrow morning at 9. I wonder if

he's negotiable.

How long do you think I'm going to have to keep hearing about that? Just the

rest of your natural life. I thought so.

I've taken my shirt off.

This is awesome.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

Good God, you have a lot of energy.

Oh, come on.

This is made out of titanium?

This little bastard doesn't... You can just do it all.

Oh, my Lord, I love you.

I love you so much.

What's happening? What are you doing?

I can't do this.

Huh?

Look, I'm really sorry, but I just can't go through with this.

Go through with this? Go through with what?

My friends and I have this game.

Oh. It's sort of like a scavenger hunt where you get different points for

different things.

You know, like...

Stealing a Coke from the dining hall is 25 points. Stupid stuff.

What, what? Yeah, and?

Sleeping with a virgin is 1 ,000 points.

I needed this to win.

A virgin? I'm not a virgin.

Look, I'm really sorry.

I know it was a crappy thing to do.

No.

No? Now, if you had your heart set on winning, you gotta go for it. We gotta

this.

I feel bad.

Snap out of it, then. Come on, it's 1 ,000 points. We gotta go for it.

Warren, I can't. Yes, you can. Yes, you can, of course. I mean, we'll just keep

kissing and stuff, and you'll go for the gold.

This isn't right. Right, wrong. Come on, we're in college. You're going through

an experimental phase. That's what we do.

We're coming of age.

Warren, I'm really sorry.

Oh, you can't quit now.

Listen, if you quit now, you're going to quit for the rest of your life. You're

going to be a quitter, Carrie. I won't let that happen to you. I won't.

Come on.

Goodbye, Warren.

You're a really sweet guy.

Please.

Please don't open the door.

No. Hank!

Hank, what about any of your friends?

Any of them need a thousand points?

I bet you can squat pretty good in your day, huh?

I had an overhand right that was more than acceptable.

Yeah, I knew it.

Lloyd. Hey, how's the kid? What time is it?

You know, I lost my wash in a cab outside Austin.

Yeah? So?

It's noon, Lloyd.

Oh, right, the advertising guy.

I couldn't get up this morning. I was so wound up from last night, I didn't get

to sleep until like 5.

A man who was supposed to discuss our advertising strategy showed up here for

meeting with you, and you weren't here.

Yeah. I'll call him back. I'll reschedule. What's the big deal?

The big deal, we're running a business here, Lloyd. You begged me to get into

this. You told me you'd change. What's one meeting?

It's day two, Lloyd. You don't miss meetings on day two. You're

overslept. I'm overreacting.

Do you have any concept what it's going to take for us to be successful at this?

Yeah, and I said I'd carry the ball.

Carrying the ball, Lloyd, is not going to be walking around glad -handing and

chatting up the guests, okay? It's going to be 9 a .m. meetings with bankers and

suppliers and sound guys and advertisers.

Yeah. And not just today, Lloyd, but tomorrow.

and the next day, and the next day, and the day after that, and the day after

that, and if we're lucky, five years.

Yeah, I know.

This is the new budget information.

You need to know this backwards and forwards for our bank meeting, Monday

morning, 7 a .m.

Why do we have to meet him at 7 a .m.? Seriously.

Damn it, Lloyd!

All right, all right. I'll be there at 7.

I don't want to go to your aunt's birthday party. Can't we just tell them

die? Mike, we're going to the party. Nancy.

Hey. Hi.

Hi.

So how's it been going?

Good. Great.

You? Yeah.

Good. Great.

You remember Mike.

Good to see him.

This is Shelly. We met on the David Lynch website.

Hi. Oh.

I didn't know you were a fan of David Lynch.

Well, there's a lot you don't know about me.

Okay, well, it was great bumping into you.

Yeah, you too.

See ya.

Bye.

Bye.

Uptown girl.

You're his uptown girl.

Enough, Michael. You know he's in love with his...

Let's not get melodramatic, Jesra. You said it yourself. Maybe the Jessicas and

the Carys can't solve all my problems in life.

Dude, you don't solve life.

You live it.

You can dream about Jessica and Carrie all you want.

Then the dream wears off, and then you gotta deal with the day -to -day.

I've never quite gotten to that point.

Not with them.

What? Nothing.

But you don't take me seriously.

Lloyd.

There he is.

What's happening, kid?

What are you doing?

This? You know, man, I didn't know where you were, so I thought I'd call you

from the road. You know my friend Bucky Stiles?

Yeah. He's starting a chain in Vegas. You ready for this?

Buffalo burgers.

I mean, these things have half the fat of regular burgers. And you won't

this. He's going to let me in on the ground floor.

There's something I can't pass up, right? No, I can't pass it up.

Yeah, I know this is bad timing, but, you know, as soon as I get things going

with Bucky, I'll come back a couple months tops, and we'll deal with

I really think I got a shot at the brass ring on this one, Ed.

Yeah, I got to take a shot at the brass ring.

I knew you'd understand. You're the best.

So I thought I'd shoot on down the southern route, maybe get a quick peek

Grand Canyon.

That sounds great.

Yeah, I love the Grand Canyon.

Makes everyone tiny, right, no matter who you are?

No, what's that, money? No, no, I can't take that.

Come on. No, Eddie, really, I don't feel right.

All right.

Just to help get me out there.

But as soon as Bucky and I get things started, I'm definitely getting this

to you. I'm serious.

And you won't have to pay for a buffalo burger the rest of your life, I'll tell

you that.

Lloyd.

You're good at things I

gotta go I know you do

Would you say yes?

All my friends deserve me.

Would you?

Peace.

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