Original subtitles

Previously on air. You aren't prepared to sell fish from the back of a truck. I

can't work for Dr. Jerome anymore.

I gotta quit.

Exactly two months from today, I will be retiring.

At that time, this practice will be yours.

Oh, my God.

This theater, Warren Cheswick, is finally going to get a little feeling.

Jessica Martel. I'd be willing to show you the right way to do this. You got me

a publicist? A visiting lingerie model, Ava Hartona, was fired about town by

local man Warren Cheswick.

Cheswick. Hey, Jack. Boy.

A few of us are hanging out at Jakey's tonight.

Do you, like, want to come?

Yeah, yeah, I guess.

Yeah, I'll come.

Well, I'll see you there.

Yeah, all right. Catch you later.

You know, Mike, when I was a kid, sometimes I fantasized about being a

bartender. Sometimes I fantasized about Lonnie Anderson.

She says it's different between you and me. I mean it.

I'd be cool flinging a cocktail, talking to people who's in trouble.

Like, take this gentleman here. I bet he could use a kind word. Ten bucks and

you get that guy to say tater tot.

What? Tater tot. Yeah, 30 seconds, and you can't say it yourself.

Starting now.

Give me a bourbon straight up.

Yeah. Yeah.

Right away.

Listen, Pastor, you mind if I ask you a question? I'll be right back.

Let's just take a second. What do you call those tiny little fried potato

nuggets? Tiny little nuggets? You know what they call them? The little ones?

thinking of serving them at the snack bar camp. Do you know what they're

French fries? No, not French fries. They're like French fries. I've got to

the jar. No, wait, wait, please. They're cylindrical. They're small and about

yea big. And they're cylindrical shaped and they come frozen in a bag.

String beans? No, they're potatoes. They're made of potatoes.

Sorry, man. I don't know.

Crispy on the outside, tender on the inside.

Tater tots.

Tater tots! Tater tots!

What a great save.

Oh, 32 seconds.

When it's my

moment in the sun Oh, how beautiful

I'll be But in a normal sort of

way

Like I am you and you are me.

Body language. I'm learning how to read people like a book.

Does that really work?

Oh, yeah.

Your gestures, your expressions, your posture. All I need is one glance and

secrets are mine to know.

All right.

Go for it.

You're Dutch.

No, I'm not.

I'm sorry, Bosco. Your mouth says no, but your body says, hey, everybody,

me out. I'm Dutch.

Hey, Ed, remember me?

Bob Arnovitz, your old classmate. Hey, Bob.

How you doing?

Uh -uh. Do not answer that question.

I will tell you how he's doing.

He wants to have sex with you.

What?

So, Bob, I didn't know you were still in town. Have a seat. What are you up to

these days?

I'm a clerk over at Staples.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, it doesn't pay much, but it's got its perks.

Like what?

Free whiteout.

Nice. So how can I help you?

I'm being sued.

Oh, yeah? You want to tell me about it?

Okay, well, for starters, you got to know that when it comes to women, I'm a

lost cause.

Oh, I doubt that. Nice guy like you.

I have no money, I'm boring, and I'm built like a bag of peat moss.

I haven't had a date in three years.

That's a shame. Yeah, you know, it's just been one turndown after another.

Sort of rough on the old self -esteem.

So to cheer myself up, I started www .bobsrejections .com.

What's that?

Well, I spend a lot of time monkeying around on my uncle's computer.

You know, I live with my Uncle Bernie.

Okay. And I got one of those free websites.

So every time a woman rejected me, I'd put her name on the website along with a

picture, if I had one, and a description of how she turned me down.

I think I see where this is going. Well, one of the women sued me.

Her name is Joanne Clemson.

Breach of privacy.

Whoa.

$50 ,000.

Wow. Looks like someone can't take a little joke. I guess it isn't that

Last month, my website got half a million visitors.

What? How'd it get so popular?

I don't know. I told a couple of guys at work they thought it was funny and told

their friends, and suddenly it's everywhere.

That's amazing.

Did you profit from this in any way?

No. No, I wish.

And if I lose this case, my life is pretty much over.

I won't make rent. Uncle Bernie will throw me out of the house.

I'm putting my little brother through college. You know, so much for that.

I'm in way over my head here.

Do you think you can help me?

I can sure try.

Let's get to work.

Great. Thanks, Dad.

What's up, Tommy? What's up, Jakey?

What's up, Jess?

Hey, Warren. What's up, Cheswick? Oh, hey, kick -ass party the other night,

It was awesome. I love those, like, super -giant corn chips.

Totally awesome for scooping.

Yeah.

Hey, can I, like, sit down with you guys, or...? Yeah, have a seat, Warren.

cool, cool.

How's the fried mozzarella?

The what?

They're mozzarella.

Right. Mozzarella.

What are you talking about?

That's how the real Italians say it.

I am mozzarella.

Hey,

you laughing at that?

Hey, you laughing at this?

Hey, hey, hey, oh. Hey, forget about it, huh?

Hey, oh, mama mia.

Okay,

goodbye, Mr. Sumfrey. When do you schedule your next appointment?

Day -o.

Day -o.

Thursday come no more, Dr.

Jerome.

Day. He said day. He said day. He said day. He said day. He said day -o.

Thursday come no more, Dr.

Jerome. Dr. Burton?

Yeah, Wendy? Dr. Jerome would like to see you before you go.

Uh, I told Nancy I'd be home early tonight. Can I wait till tomorrow?

He said it was important.

All right, I'll be over in a few minutes.

Hi, I'm looking for Bob Arnowitz. I was told I could find him here. Yeah, he's

in with Ed.

Hey, you look really familiar.

Maybe you've seen me on court TV.

Johnny Cochran.

Gary Syringo.

Do you own a guinea pig?

No. Hamster?

No.

Germel? Can I see Mr.

Arnowitz, please?

One moment, please.

Eric? No.

Yeah? It's celebrity super lawyer Gary Seringo is here to see Mr. Arnowitz.

What? Gary Seringo? Yes.

He's at the shoe counter talking to Phil about domesticated rodents.

Oh, my God.

That's Gary Seringo.

Is it really him?

No.

Hey. Hi. Mr. Seringo, hi. I'm Ed Stevens. Oh, you're the lawyer. That's

And that means you must be Bob Arnovitz.

Arnovitz. It's great to meet you. Oh, thanks. I can't believe you're actually

my bowling alley. This is amazing. I'm a huge fan. I've been following your

career ever since I was... I'm pretty much in all your Supreme Court

but what are you doing in the bowling alley? I'm sorry. Where do I know you

from? Did you replace Wapner?

Phil, you're looking at Gary Seringo, the man who brought big tobacco to his

knees. This is one of the greatest... Why are you here, sir?

Do you have any idea how important your lawsuit is?

Bob's lawsuit?

Well,

$50 ,000 is a lot of money. I work at Staples. I'm not talking about the

I'm talking about every American's right to free speech.

Now, Mr. Arnovitz, I saw your website. Did you post anything that wasn't true?

Not at all. I just wrote what happened. Yeah, and you're being sued for it.

Being sued for telling the truth.

You see, the Internet is so young, the legal system...

can't handle the fact that regular people like Bob Arnovitz can be heard by

millions. Gentlemen, you have a landmark First Amendment case here.

How do you even know about Arnovitz? I had my staff combing the books for a

lawsuit like this for months.

Three minutes after I heard about it, my ass hit the back seat of a cab.

Mr. Stevens, I want to join you as co -counsel in this case.

What? That would be an incredible honor, sir. That is, if it's all right with

Mr. Arnovitz.

Hell yeah, Mr.

Seringo. Sign me up. No charge, of course.

How do you ever talk me into joining Spanish clubs?

Quit complaining.

Flip the damn tortilla. It's going to scorch.

Big news, my homies.

Warren P. Cheswick has discovered the Holy Grail. The Holy Grail?

Yes. I have found the key to eternal popularity.

The key to Jessica Martel. I want to hear this now. I come to Spanish club to

relax. Mark?

Diane, I'm about to become the class clown.

Oh, boy.

No, no, no, just listen. I snuck out to the goat for lunch today, right? And I

sat with Tommy, Jakey, and Jessica.

And I totally had them cracking up.

The guys were like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And Jessica, Jessica was loving me.

She was loving me. That's odd.

I've never found you funny.

Oh, sure, you do.

Maybe average funny, but not whose line is it anyway funny. Yeah, well, today it

was my line anyway.

Warren, this is not good.

Not good? What are you talking about?

Walk with me.

Whoa! Crap. Uh, senora Henderson.

Warren, you're making a huge fundamental mistake.

Oh, yeah, what's that?

We're trying to get you into the inner circle, right? Yeah. Okay, well, the

class clown is not a true member of the inner circle. He's got a jester, a

mascot, a source of entertainment.

And he never gets any action. Oh, says who?

Wake up, Cheswick. Ow.

The leading man gets the girl.

You're the wacky sidekick.

You're going down the wrong road with this. Oh, please, Diane. The only reason

you don't like it is you didn't think of it. Oh, really?

Yeah, really.

Okay, fine.

Suit yourself.

Clown it up.

Hey, don't hate the play. I hate the game.

Burton is here to see you.

Send him in, Wendy.

Hi.

Please sit down, Dr. Burton.

All right.

I'm aware that you and Wendy are planning a retirement party for me. I'd

you to call it off.

Okay, well, we just thought you'd want to have a chance to say goodbye to your

patients. I'm not ready to say goodbye.

Okay, well, we already bought the cake.

but another day in the fridge shouldn't hurt. You just let us know when you're

ready. Perhaps I'm not being clear. I've decided to postpone my retirement.

Postpone?

Okay.

Postpone, uh -huh.

Postpone, okay. Well, you're supposed to retire on Thursday, so what then? You

want to wait until Monday, have one last weekend as a doctor? That's fine.

We'll just put the cake in the freezer, and we'll defrost it on Monday, and

you'll retire on Monday.

Dr. Burton, I'm not retiring.

I'm going to keep the practice.

No, no, Dr. Jerome, you can't do that. Of course I can. I've got several good

years in me.

No, you don't, Dr. Jerome. You have no good years left in you. You're old.

You're very, very old, Dr. Jerome.

I'm in perfectly good health. Well, you said I'd inherit the practice. You

promised me that. And you will, just not yet.

No, no, no, Dr.

Jerome, now.

Mm -hmm, now. I'm taking over the practice now. You're retiring now.

Burton?

Wendy! Wendy, we need the cake. We need the cake, Wendy. Dr. Jerome's retiring.

Serve the cake, Wendy. Dr. Jerome's retiring in five minutes.

Serve the cake, Wendy. Dr. Burton, control yourself.

No, Dr. Jerome, you control yourself.

You control yourself. I don't... I quit.

What? Oh, yeah.

You heard me, Dr. Jerome. I'm done with you.

I quit.

Uh, Wendy?

Yes, Dr. Jerome?

Don't serve the cake.

Forty minutes late.

Think you forgot about it?

Oh, no. Mr. Swingle's an important guy. He's probably caught up in a conference

call or something. All right.

Tell you what, why don't we do this without him? We can just fill him in

Yeah, okay.

What I would like you to do, Bob, is, uh, walk me through the night you asked

out Joanne Clemson.

Just give me all the details.

All right. Well, I walked into the goat through that door over there, and I saw

Joanne sitting where you are now.

And I thought, hey, there's my dental hygienist.

Did I mention she's my dental hygienist?

No. She's my dental hygienist.

Uh -huh. And I've always thought she was cute, so I figured I'd take a shot. So

I walked over like this.

I said, excuse me, Joanne. Hi, Bob Arnovitz.

And she said, oh, hi.

And I said, hey, can I buy you a drink?

And she said, I don't think so, Captain Staples.

Ouch. And then she and her friends just started laughing in my face.

Her friends?

Yeah, she was sitting here with five or six other people.

Everyone was looking around to see what they were laughing at. It was really

embarrassing.

What?

You just won yourself a case, my friend.

Hey, Nancy, you know what I want to do when we're done here? What?

I want to guzzle champagne and devour heaping mounds of caviar. Yes. Yes, for

today's a day of celebration.

My wings are unfurled.

The wind is at my back.

I'm king of all that I survey. And you, Nancy, you are my queen.

Ooh, so I'd be Nancy Queen.

Oh, Mrs. Burton, to what do I owe this delight?

Well, I'm helping my husband pack up his things and get the hell out of here.

Well, before your husband prances off, he might want to take a quick look at

contract he signed when he took this job.

A contract which keeps him under my employment for another two years unless

choose to retire before then.

Which I do not. Come on, Dr. Jerome.

Always a pleasure, Mrs. Burton.

He'll make you stay here, can't he? Yeah.

Yeah, I think he can.

But he's not going to want to.

Ladies.

Hey, Warren.

I'd like you to meet a close personal friend of mine.

Mr. Belly.

Oh, my God.

Hey, say hello, Mr. Belly.

Hello. My name is Mr.

Belly. Belly, Belly, Belly. I come from the land of billies.

You're crazy. I gotta go.

Bye, Warren.

Bye -bye.

Adios.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Class clown.

Deep breath in.

Out. Good.

Dr. Jerome, what kinds of things did they teach you in med school back in

Hi, Mr. Schreier. Hi. Dr. Burton, you're swimming in very dangerous waters.

Looks like someone got a little cavalier at Mr. Gittleson's prostate problem.

Is that tic -tac -sass brain of yours completely short -circuited? Hey, buddy,

I'm just looking out for the patients. Frankly, I'm starting to get a little

concerned about some of your decisions lately.

You're questioning my decisions?

Oh, yeah.

Show of hands, who here is operating with a 30 -year -old playbook, hmm?

That's right, it's Wally. Dr. Burton, I know what you're trying to do here, but

this is neither the time nor the place. Mr. Schreier, you're being treated by a

96 -year -old squid.

I'm going to throw out two words here that you should seriously consider

they just might save your life.

Second opinion.

Leave my exam room immediately, Dr. Burton. You got it, Wally.

Excuse me.

Dr. Burton?

you got for me, Sporto? If you think these tactics will make Walter Jerome

buckle, you are very sadly mistaken.

You know, I'm just noticing you're a tiny man, you know that? I will not fire

you, Dr. Burton. I will keep you here so long your body will decay.

Yeah, very diminutive.

Fine, we'll play it your way. I can actually look down and see the top of

head.

How about that? By the way, you ever thought about using some Rogaine on that

Melanie of yours?

Good day, Dr. Burton.

Hey, you're tiny.

Good morning, Ed.

Hey, Mr. Sringo.

Sorry, I missed you at the bar last night. Oh, not to worry. Please, have a

seat. Shirley!

Could you bring Mr. Sringo a cup of coffee?

Or a corn dog?

No, thank you.

I'm sorry.

Mr. Stringle, I don't mean to step on your toes, but I think I've got a way to

win this case. Really? What's that?

Okay, well, Joanne Clemson is suing for invasion of privacy. She says that Bob

Armitz made their private encounter public when he posted it on the

Right. But what she's not saying is that she rejected the guy at full volume in

front of a bar full of friends and strangers. She was playing to a crowd.

doing so, she voluntarily gave up her right to privacy.

That's right. So lawsuit's groundless. Case closed.

Hmm. You know, we really got lucky here. That First Amendment defense would not

have been easy.

No. But I think we'll stick with it just the same. Yeah.

What?

Wait, I'm sorry, we're not going to use the privacy argument?

Don't think so, no.

Wait, Mr.

Stringo, I'm confused.

Doesn't the privacy argument guarantee us a win?

Yeah, probably so.

But winning isn't everything.

You know what, Ed? I think I'm going to have that corn dog.

Winning isn't everything. I don't understand. You don't want to win?

Are you starting to go small town on me here, Ed? No, no, no. Of course not. I'm

not going... What does that mean? Sometimes a cause is bigger than a man.

Sometimes a cause... Okay.

I got to complete with you, Mr. Serenko. I haven't been this lost since Mr.

Ivanovich tried to teach me algebra with a thick Czechoslovakian accent.

Ed. Yeah. If we lose, what happens?

We appeal. To a district court.

And then if we just happen to lose again, we... Oh, my God. You want to

losing and then keep appealing all the way to... To...

To where?

That's right.

Are you talking about... Yes, Ed, I am. Would you mind saying it so I'm

absolutely sure we're both talking about the same thing? The Supreme... The

Supreme Court. You want to argue this thing all the way to the Supreme Court.

It's the only way it's going to get the attention it deserves.

We went here, so what?

We need to get this before the folks that interpret the laws for the whole

country.

Wow. Now, you want to stay on as co -counsel?

You're welcome to come along for the ride.

We then wouldn't... In this case, we'd then stay tied up in court for years.

Ed. Yeah. The Internet is uncharted territory, fresh snow.

We have a chance to make the first tracks here. It's worth being tied up in

court for years.

This is no small -town case.

You've stumbled into the big time.

Oh, thank you.

Delightful.

Hello, I'm back.

Oh, I got a little present for you. I think you are going to be pretty happy

about my friendly steakums. Good evening, Mrs. Burton.

Oh, God.

Mike, you scared the steakums out of me. Oh, yes, yes. Sorry to startle you. And

if that's since that buffalo brain husband of yours wasn't here, you might

to get it on with one Dr.

Walter Jerome.

Mike, what are you doing?

I'm going to go like this to work tomorrow, Nancy. Dr. Jerome's going to

You can't do that.

Oh, Nancy, this is a war. If Dr. Jerome doesn't want to fire me, I'm going to

make his life a living hell.

You take a look at this bald cap.

This is a professional quality bald cap. I bought a kit at the costume store, 12

bucks. Honey, I really think you're starting to lose it here a little bit.

Dr. Jerome's going to be the one who loses it tomorrow when I show up and

around the office telling all his patients, I'm Dr.

Jerome and I'm out of my gourd. Mike.

What?

Honey, is this really the way you want things to end with you and Dr. Jerome?

What do you mean? Well, you know, you and Dr. Jerome have been through a lot

together. What are you, taking Dr. Jerome's side? Never take sides against

family, Nancy. I hate the man, you know that.

Well, in that case, we can stay married.

This is really how you want things to end with him?

Do you ever feel small, Mike?

What do you mean?

Look at us.

We're small -town guys, spending the evening sitting on the roof of a bowling

alley, trying to throw ice cubes into a garbage can. Other people are out there

doing stuff.

Yeah. 1916.

I know.

We should get out of this town.

I, for one, would like to move far away from Dr.

Walter Jerome.

I think this guy's the Ringo.

These guys actually have to change the world.

Should we be trying to change the world, Mike?

2016.

Sure, let's change the world as soon as I finish my beer.

The Ringo knows that we can win this case with Bob Arnovitz in a heartbeat.

Instead, he's trying to go all the way to the Supreme Court.

2017. Why?

That's what I said. Why? Because you and I, we think small.

Seringo thinks big. He thinks big. He's thinking about the Supreme Court. He's

thinking about the Supreme Court.

Yep.

But he's not thinking about Bob Arnovitz.

21.

3 -2 in the series.

Game six.

Okay, class, as you know, today is Teacher Student Day. When we switch

you get to teach, and I get to sit back and make fun of you.

All right, so today to show us everything that he knows about George

Animal Farm is our very own Warren Cheswick. Warren?

Oh, does that mean chickened out?

Well, that's a shame. Hello, guys!

It's me, Miss Stacy!

Oh, boy.

Oh, yes!

Can we take a seat, please, everyone? Thank you!

A talking pig in Animal Farm.

Mr. Manicore.

I don't know it.

I'm sorry. That is incorrect.

Because when he was writing it, he was obviously using crack cocaine.

I'm sorry, Miss Bessie. I'm not sure that that is the interpretation accepted

by... If you care to address this class, I'd appreciate it if you raised your

hand. Thanks. Pardon me for interrupting.

You're lucky I don't give you detention.

What a beautiful morning.

Yes, what a wonderful day.

I want y 'all to know I've got a beautiful...

Boy, that little barn you have in the center of town is a beauty. I just saw a

bunch of kids playing hockey on it.

Norman Rockwell, grab your brush.

Mr. Sringo, I can't do this.

You can't do what?

You can't sacrifice Bob Arnovitz for a cause.

Ed, just when it looks like you're starting to think of the big picture,

have a relapse.

Bob Arnovitz didn't hire me to think of the big picture. Bob Arnovitz hired me

to think of Bob Arnovitz. Look, Ed, I've dedicated my life to making a

difference. This is a chance to make a big difference. I'm not going to let

chance go.

So what do we do?

Well, I think it's time you withdraw from the case.

Withdraw? Yeah. You and I are co -counsel. We can't agree on an approach.

Something's got to give. You should withdraw.

Well, I can't do that, Mr. Seringo. Remember who I am, Ed? I'm the guy that

helped bring down Big Tobacco.

I'm the guy that made it illegal to sell semi -automatic weapons in 14 states.

Yeah, well, I'm the guy Bob Arnovitz came to and said, I need your help.

Dr. Jerome, may I have a moment?

Dr.

Jerome, I came here today fully prepared to try to get you to fire me by taking

our little war up to the next level.

Fine with me, Dr. Burton. Let the rockets red glare.

I've decided against it.

What?

I don't want things to end this way.

What exactly are you saying?

Well, Dr. Jerome, may I be honest with you?

Go ahead.

I think you're a nasty and bitter old man.

And in many ways, working with you these past three years, it's been a living

hell.

But for that, I get to witness some things I never would have witnessed

in the biggest and best hospital in the country.

I got to witness a man take care of not an individual, not a family, but a town.

And in return for that privilege, I'm going to stay here and honor my

How difficult things will be between us, that's up to you.

Hey, Warren.

Oh, hey, Jess.

How's it going?

That thing you did yesterday in Miss Betsy's class?

That was the funniest thing I've ever seen.

I just figured the class could use a little lighter take on teacher -student

day.

You know, break it up a little.

I can't believe you did that. I mean, that was awesome when you said, Mr.

Richard, if you raise your hand, I'm going to give you a detention.

Actually, it was, if you don't raise your hand, whatever.

I like to have some fun with Carol every once in a while.

She's a really good kid.

really, really funny, Warren. Well, you know, I've always felt that laughter is

like a salve for the soul, you know? I mean, let's face it, every time the

comes on, he steals the show, right?

Definitely.

Say, just once in you and I after school, we, uh, flat over to Starbucks

grab us a couple of lattes.

Or, like, mochaccino, if you want.

Or they have those, like, tatsy things.

You know, the fruity ones.

Martha me, that's a refreshing beverage.

I'm sorry, Warren.

I've got some stuff I've got to do.

Oh, that's cool.

Totally cool.

Sorry. No, don't be ridiculous.

Cool. Totally and incredibly cool. I'm sorry.

In fact, now that you mention it, I didn't even know what I was thinking.

I actually couldn't have... Even if you had said yes, I've got a whole... I've

got to help my uncle build a log cabin today, so... You know...

Totally cool.

Forget about it.

Maybe some other time. Maybe some other time when we're not both so caught up

with these crazy schedules.

Yeah.

Listen, I gotta go. Okay.

See ya. Yeah.

Not if I see you first.

I wonder how many languages I can say I told you so in.

She thought it was hilarious.

I mean, all the Playboy centerfolds always say their number one turn on is a

with a sense of humor. Well, there's a simple explanation for that. What?

lying. I just don't get it. I don't get it. I killed in that classroom. I

killed. And she was cracking up at everything I did.

Jeswick, I told you.

The class clown doesn't get the girl.

Dude, that Carol Vesey thing was awesome.

Hey, thanks, Russell.

Bob, we have something we want to discuss with you.

Yeah? Would you like to go first?

No, you go ahead.

Very well.

I'm not even sure how to say this, but I believe that Ed is trying to lose this

case on purpose.

What? This is a very juicy case for a guy like Ed. He feels that if he loses

then we appeal, maybe he can take it all the way to the Supreme Court. He's

lying. You're lying. Ed, you're going to have your turn. I'll take my turn now.

Bob, how long have we known one another?

Since high school. Okay.

We didn't really keep in touch.

Bob, this man is lying to you, all right?

He's the one trying to take the case all the way to the Supreme Court. He's the

one trying to lose it on purpose. He told me so himself. I did say that I

fight for Bob all the way to the Supreme Court if I had to. But, Bob, believe

me, I've been to the Supreme Court twice, and it's no great thrill for me

back. Okay, Bob, now, the woman that's suing you, all right, when she rejected

you, she did so loudly and in public. This is a very relevant fact because she

cannot then claim that you violated her privacy, all right? Do you understand

that? If we introduce this fact, we win, all right? Bob, you're going to have to

make a choice.

Do you go with my approach or Ed's?

Well... I'm sorry, Ed.

Let's listen to Mr.

Seringo. He's been on the TV.

But I want to keep Ed on.

Absolutely.

And don't you worry, Ed. You'll get another shot at the Supreme Court.

I know that was hard for you, Bob. But we have to discuss testimony.

I'll call you later, okay?

I can see that you...

are upset.

It's a little late to be bowling, isn't it, Earl Anthony?

Earl Anthony. Earl Anthony. Nice.

I'll buy you dinner if you can name two more professional blowers.

Dick Weber.

Wow.

Okay, now you're scaring me.

Okay, one more.

Earl Anthony.

That's what I thought, my friend.

What are you doing here so late?

I was driving by, saw the light was on. Wanted to find out how my favorite

bowling alley lawyer was doing.

I don't... I feel... What?

Small.

Small? Yeah.

Yeah.

Let me use my superpower -like tools of deduction.

Uh, Gary Syringo.

Yeah, that's the guy.

How's it going in court?

Just the way he wants it to. He's losing on purpose?

Yeah. I mean, it's subtle, but yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, all you have to do is get in the evidence about the woman.

I'm injecting Bob in public. He won't do it.

You explain it to Bob.

Yeah, I tried, but... The guy in the slick suit from the TV, I'll talk to the

guy in the bowling shirt from the small town.

Well, if it's any consolation at all, I think you look damn cute in the bowling

shirts.

Thanks.

Burns Stanley.

What?

Professional bowler.

You owe me dinner, my friend.

I've never heard a professional bowler named Burns Stanley.

What? Burns Stanley?

Fern Stanley was my second grade

violin teacher.

Dr.

Jerome, do you shoot pool, Dr. Burton?

Uh, yeah, I guess.

Come with me.

Mr. Seringo, your closing statement, please.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I need you to open up your small -town minds

and try to understand a pretty difficult concept.

Free speech.

Now, I know you live simple, protected lives here in Stickyville.

Stickyville. But in the name of justice...

I need you all to leap forward and come join me in the 21st century.

You see what he's doing? He's insulting them. Now, the Constitution was written

in ink with a quill on parchment paper.

Amendments are items amended to or added to the Constitution.

Let me let you in on a secret, Pop.

There's one surefire way to tell when a jury isn't buying a lawyer. They don't

make eye contact.

See? No eye contact.

Come on, Bob, let me help you.

Let me bottom line it for you here, folks.

You should find for my client Bob Arnovitz.

I mean, would a famous lawyer like me steer you the wrong way?

Of course not.

People, you've got to trust me on this one. Yeah? Yeah. You all have a nice

Nothing further, sir.

Something further.

What? I'd like to add to the close.

Your Honor, the defense has concluded its final statement. No, it hasn't. Your

Honor, I'm the lead counsel in this case, and I'm saying we are finished.

not finished. I am going to count to three, and when I get to three, I expect

you to have settled your little dispute.

Ed, don't do this. I have to.

Three. And what will be, Counselors, are we done or not done?

We're done. We're not done.

Starlovitz, your representation has put you in a very compromising position.

I want Ed.

Bob, you're making a big mistake. I'm telling you.

Mr. Stevens, you may add to the closing statement. Thank you, Your Honor. I

object! What law school did you go to, TV boy?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, hi.

Listen, the other day, Mr.

Seringo called me a small -town guy.

Said if I just get out of the way, this case could go all the way to the Supreme

Court and impact the laws of the land.

Well, Mr. Seringo's right.

I am a small -town guy with one small responsibility, and that is look out for

my client, Bob Arnovitz.

Now, you're all missing one crucial fact in this case, and that is...

When Joanne Clemson rejected my client, she did so loudly... Objection! Somebody

grabs her name and you don't have time to list them all. You cannot make the

claim that her privacy was violated. Mr. Stevens, is this some kind of practical

joke? You cannot introduce evidence now.

I have no choice, Your Honor. Why not? Because Mr. Seringo here is trying to

lose his trial on purpose so he can appeal it all the way up to the Supreme

Court. That's ridiculous, Your Honor!

I am not a very happy man right now.

But I have no choice but to declare a mistrial.

We'll start again tomorrow. And, Mr. Seringo, I will find out if what Mr.

Stevens says is true.

What happens now? You go to trial my way. It's not going to be a trial.

Why not?

Because you know they can't win. They're dropping the charges.

It's over, Bob.

You're amazing.

You saved my life.

You're a pretty good lawyer, Ed.

Too bad you're going to be stuck in Stuckyville.

I like it here just fine.

Four -ball corner pocket.

Seven -ball corner pocket.

Like picking chicken, Dr. Burton, like picking chicken.

Two on the side.

Eleven on the corner.

That was quite a speech today, Dr. Burton.

Reminded me of someone.

Who's that, Dr. Jerome?

A young doctor I once knew quite well. Smart, a little too brash for my taste,

but busting with the unbridled exuberance of youth.

Oh, it was you. Your first starting out, it was you. No, Lenny Stitzel. The guy

I went to med school with.

Started a practice way before he was ready. Didn't realize what he was

into.

Lost everything.

Dr. Jerome, I'm ready.

I'm gonna bake this five in the corner.

That's just the shot I would have taken when I was your age. Now I have the

experience to know it'll never go in. Oh, sure it will.

Not unless Sir Isaac Newton comes in and rejiggers the laws of physics.

Well, here's one for youthful exuberance, Dr. Jerome.

You really think you're ready to start your own practice, Dr. Burton?

Yes, sir, I do.

In that case...

Dr. Burton, you're fired.

Good night.

Dr. Jerome?

Thank you.

All right, let's go.

Spill it. What's the matter? Oh, nothing.

Jessica Martel doesn't go out with guys like me.

Guys like you? What does that mean?

The same old stuff.

She needs the big man on campus.

You know, Warren, there's nothing wrong with being a little guy.

Yeah, there is if you want to go out with Jessica Martel.

Well, maybe that's Jessica Martel's problem.

Wait, where are you?

Oh, there, Colonel.

I'm pretty happy there.

What?

He just got fired.

Are you serious?

Yeah!

That's great, right? Going out on my own, man.

Next time.

Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

I want to thank you.

Why's that?

For not going out with me.

Yeah, because I don't think it'd work out between us. So you go spend your

with Jakey and Foscat and guys like that.

And that's where you belong.

I'll see you around.

Warren.

Jakey and Foscat?

I don't even...

Warren,

do you want to go to the movies or something sometime?

Yes.

Okay. Okay.

That's really great.

Wow. Good for you.

Hey. Hey.

How'd that go?

Fine. Fine.

Going out with Jessica Martel. No big deal.

What? Are you kidding me? Dude, dude, dude. Be cool.

That's a great one.

Wow. Let me see if I got this straight.

I got the mistrial. You got your own practice. You got the girl.

There's only one thing for three small -town guys like us to do at a time like

this. Am I right, Mike?

You're right, Ed.

Is it your club?

Oh, no, no, no. You got to flick the wrist, my friend. Just give me a beer.

Flick. Flick the wrist.

Flick.

Not what he had in mind. I think this trip club would have been a little more

celebratory.

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